Night thoughts...raw.

If early on in a relationship, I'm projecting onto someone my fantasies of their potential, obviously they can not live up to my fantasies and now not really realizing my mistake, my mind is creating negative stories to explain the issue, the contradiction from what I thought he was and the reality of his behavior , it was all 'me'. He doesn't like me. I'm not his type. My mind falls down a tracking hole to make this thought true. This projecting is what I am on the inside. Me. I project onto others my image of me. So why not now just project "love"? Project love onto him, since it's just me any way?!

And projection. What if this is the paradox of how we get us to see ourselves in others. 

More jumbled thoughts....

while in utero my cells knew how to create my body and how to be a body....my mind, who ef are these thoughts to come into play trying talk down to my body...my body, is perfect as is I don't need my thoughts to say whether it is or not 'good' nor need outside agency to give me their 'thoughts'...maybe my body listening to their body is all I need to know. Presence. Being in body is all I want.

Thanks for being here...been a rough week for me. I'm just trying to give myself some space and compassion for being a human with stories mostly painful stories when I just want to be love- give and receive with all of my senses and my being.