Chapter 7: The Ministry of Magic- Adam's life is filled with entirely too many meetings. Zoom recordings are not ideal. Being a mom is not for either of us. Perkins and Madame Bones are heroes. Our game this episode fails hard but we give the movie a pass.
Welcome to our first special episode of the season! Joining us are Stephanie and Peggy, who are two of our favorite people, even though they've never read our favorite book series... anyway, we discuss the first two movies of the series and drink margarita wine...
Chapter 6: The Most Noble and Ancient House of Black - They clean the house. 🤷♀️
Chapter 5: The Order of the Phoenix - Adam knows French. Tara knows French...kinda. Anyway, it's dinner time and Fred and George are immature (but fun) and Mundungus just sucks... (we really hate this guy) we love Tonks....then Harry asks the million dollar question - "So, how's my guy Voldy doin'? Anyone know what he's up to these days?" Things get intense between Molly and Sirius and all the children except Ginny get some deets on what's up with the Order and what they think Cocaine Baby is do...
Chapter 4: Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place - Angsty Harry is here! But also, Ron and Hermione are AMAZING friends and they let Harry take out his frustration on them. So Grimmauld Place is dark AF, and a bit creepy, so naturally, Adam wants to live there. Except for the part where Mrs. Black just hangs behind a curtain waiting to be racist... Anyway, we're excited to spend more time with Ginny in this book. Also, are there wizard lawyers?
Chapter 3: The Advance Guard - We really wanted Tonks to guest star on this episode because she's basically just like us, but all we could get was Adam's attention whore of a dryer 🤷♀️ We discuss why Dumble made Harry stay with the dishrags for so long after everything that happens at the end of the 4th book, and who we feel may have been a better choice in planning Harry's removal from Muggle land.
Chapter 2: A Peck of Owls - Tara and Adam fail at clinking glasses. Harry gets lots of letters. Vernon is angry (also he eats mayonnaise from the jar so eww). Mundungus is the worst. Mrs. Figg is the best. Dudley is confused. Petunia knows things.
Chapter 1: Dudley Demented - WE ARE BACK AND WE ARE BACK ON OUR BULLSHIT! That's right. Drinking and swearing and making stupid jokes...did you miss us?!?!?!? We jump right into the action and angst filled opening chapter of Order of the Phoenix! Dudley still sucks but we give him more credit than his parents...Harry is sassy AND bad-assy in this chapter and even though she's not mentioned within the chapter it is important to mention that pink bitch is the worst 🤷♀️
...just....ridiculous. No, we will never get our shit together...
Well, we read 4 books. And this one was a long book. We're actual scholars and you should be impressed. Brian is back (because OF COURSE) and we go over some of our favorite parts of the book, hate on the movie more and begin to prepare ourselves for the pink bullshit coming our way...
Chapter 37: The Beginning - Tara has the good snacks. Dumble is great in this chapter until he's not. Poliakoff gets justice; Hermione gets revenge. Draco is irrelevant and Harry just wants a little bit of humor in this fucked up world. Hagrid is the best. ❤️
Chapter 36: The Parting of the Ways - The time has come...Adam finally gets to drink wine from Ashley's hands!!!! We have another Ravenclaw in the house...and this one is a mom...who has lots of feelings...about mom things...and also about FMK. Sirius clutches his pearls, PomPom is amazing, Molly Weasley moms so hard and Snape doesn't totally suck. We love Fudge. The item. Not Fudge the person. He sucks. Sponsor us, Fudge! (The item). Be like Ashley.
Chapter 35: Veritaserum- In which we discuss the one scene the movie does well and over-analyze just how fucked up the Crouch family is...
The 100th episode of BASIC SNITCHES is HERE!!!! Featuring Brian O. Jackson, Olivia Petrey, Olivia King and Stephen Ostertag with our new favorite muggle, Chad Wimberly, a special appearance by Roxana Bell and a cameo by Steven Soto. Join us for hot takes, quizzes, FMK and SO MANY SHENANIGANS.
Chapter 34: Priori Incantatem - As if Harry hasn't had enough trauma, Voldy challenges him to a duel and he now has to think about those terrible days when Lockshart tried to teach dueling... Adam quotes The Room (again) and Tara's win from chapter 33 is a major surprise. We are cheering so much for Harry this chapter. He's fantastic in such a dire situation...also, major props to Daniel Radcliffe in the movie. Speaking of the movie, this chapter gets a better grade than virtually any other in t...
Chapter 33: The Death Eaters - He had to hold out til Act IV, but Voldy finally gets his soliloquy. Melodrama at its finest.
Chapter 32: Flesh, Blood and Bone - The Olivias are BACK and OK dazzles us all with her reading of the brilliantly written chapter summary by OP. Y'all - Cedric's death is sad, OKAY? Also, is Skinnydick no longer able to become a rat? APOTHIC RED WHY U NO SPONSOR US?!?!
Chapter 31: The Third Task - THE OLIVIAS ARE HERE! It's a wild ride with Gryffindor vs Slytherin. Two Olivias. Two Snitches. Y'all aren't ready. Anyway, between the ridiculous banter and non-stop giggling, we do actually talk about what happens in this chapter.
Chapter 30: The Pensieve - Why does Dumbledore insist on leaving Harry alone in his office? So much information to download here with these memories...Igor has always been the WORST and biggest coward, Bagman has always been an idiot, and Crouch has always been...Crouch. Also, the world is broken because Tara wishes for Snape to be in this chapter.
Chapter 29: The Dream - NOT good times for Harry. Ron is usually an idiot, but he definitely knows his family. Hermione continues to be the greatest. Dumbledore loves candy. Harry loves evesdropping.
Chapter 28: The Madness of Mr. Crouch - We found the wine and fixed our NPR problem. It is important to know that we are not boring. Rita is no longer fabulous. Snape is useless. Winky is a mess. SO MUCH happens in this chapter and they don't even bother to put ANY of it in the movie. Don't send death threats to people you don't know...or, people, period.
Chapter 27: Padfoot Returns- Tara has a COMFY (SPONSOR US). Snape is the worst. Buckbeak is amazing. Karkaroff sucks. Hermione is badass. Emotions are hard. Get ready for us to hate on this movie (AGAIN).
Chapter 26: The Second Task - We welcome Ravenclaw Roxana Bell to the show today! Also we play the "Snape's a dick drinking game". Harry Potter is Virginia Woolf.
Chapter 25: The Egg and the Eye - Just a reminder that Cedric is a nice guy. No privacy for Harry. Anywhere. Sorry dude. Also, did Moaning Myrtle haunt Olive Hornby to death? Anyway, this episode is being released nearly 2 months after being recorded so Adam's adventures in kitchen remodeling have progressed and it looks GOOD ;)
Chapter 24: Rita Skeeter's Scoop - This chapter is basically just a reminder that Rita Skeeter and Malfoy are trash humans. Percy and unicorns are BFFs. Ron should never cross the giant Squid. Oh, and suddenly Hogwarts has substitute teachers... Professor Grubbly-Plank > Snape *Bring in the dancing lobsters....
Chapter 23: The Yule Ball Stephen is here! We discuss gift giving, why Ravenclaws are (often) assholes (again), and the drama of being a teenager. If you're heterosexual, it's fine- but don't be a straight person .
Chapter 22: The Unexpected Task. Chinese cookies are harsh, man.
Chapter 21: The House Elf Liberation Front - We are renaming every book in this series as "Harry Potter and that Time He Didn't Get Dead". Honestly, I think they'd still sell 🤷♀️ We get to see Dobby again! Yay! Also, Crouch sucks.
Literally just here to ask what you all want to hear us do for our 100th episode... 😁
Chapter 20: The First Task. There are DRAGONS!!! Does anything else matter
