Tremione
Chapter 15: The Quidditch Final- Happy 73rd birthday to Tara! This chapter has SPORTS in it! You know what that means? Bias and cheating. Awesome. Also, GO HERMIONE!!!
Jul 17, 2020•42 min•Season 3Ep. 54
Basic Snitches
Tara and Adam are re-reading everyone’s favorite series! Warning: Contains swearing, spoilers, wine consumption and a lot of us talking about our cats.
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Episodes
Scoop That Pinkie
Chapter 14: Snape's Grudge- This is a rough chapter for Harry. Also, Snape sucks, which Tara may mention a few times. Send rum to Adam please.
Jul 09, 2020•51 min•Season 3Ep. 53
Hogwarts Teacher Sex Scandal
Chapter 13: Gryffindor Versus Ravenclaw- In which we discuss the fact that Gryffindor is clearly the party house, contemplate where the teachers sleep and Adam reminisces over his years as an RA. Also, broomsticks are mentioned. A few times.
Jul 02, 2020•42 min•Season 3Ep. 52
I Like Birds!
Chapter 12: The Patronus- Adam's patronus is a BIRD! Also, Tara can no longer speak words and, as always, Lupin is the best.
Jun 25, 2020•42 min•Season 3Ep. 51
No Chipotatas for You
Chapter 11: The Firebolt- OUR 50TH EPISODE! AWWW YISSSSSS! BASIC SNITCHES FOREVER! Official tagline (for this episode at least): Whatever comes out of my mouth comes out of my mouth. Classy. Also, Adam is tall(er than Tara).
Jun 19, 2020•42 min•Season 3Ep. 50
Christmassyishness
Chapter 10: The Marauder's Map- Berkeley refuses a guest star offer, Adam loves cows, 10 points to Zencastr and the teachers at Hogwarts continue to be irresponsible. Also, Tara still has her email address from 1997 because why not?
Jun 11, 2020•47 min•Season 3Ep. 49
Wet Sock
Chapter 9: Grim Defeat- As always, Adam starts recording when nobody is ready...Tara has new toys...awww yissssss!!! And by new toys, we mean an actual microphone for recording remotely. Anyways, this chapter has a lame sleepover (seriously, it's really not fun at all) and teachers who don't understand how to be responsible adults....just another lovely Halloween at Hogwarts!
Jun 04, 2020•42 min•Season 3Ep. 48
Thiccums
Chapter 8: Flight of the Fat Lady-Wine is Tara's worst enemy while attempting to read Adam's chapter summary. Quidditch makes no since. Still. Madam Pince needs to GET IT TOGETHER. The adults are a mess in this book. Seriously. THANK GOD FOR LUPIN. "Fear is wisdom in the face of danger."-Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat
May 29, 2020•47 min•Season 3Ep. 47
Sippy Cup Jealousy
Chapter 7: The Boggart in the Wardrobe
May 22, 2020•35 min•Season 3Ep. 46
Adam Slaughtered the Trelawny Counter
Chapter 6: Talons and Tea Leaves- Tara has had a bottle of wine and Adam is coming for Trelawny... everyone will be hearing the sound of a cork popping long after the episode ends...
May 14, 2020•46 min•Season 3Ep. 45
Please Question Have a Chocolate
Chapter 5: The Dementor- (Or, Sheets with teeth) Stuff happens in this chapter...most importantly- TIME TO MEET LUPIN!! So we're on the train to Hogwarts finally... except instead of joyous teenager goofing off, we get a nightmare...so that's fun. Also, why is nobody using "lumos"?
May 07, 2020•51 min•Season 3Ep. 44
What the Hell is the Deal with Your Rat?
Chapter 4: The Leaky Cauldron- WE. ARE. BACK! And we had WINE! Adam learns that poop is an important part of divination... It's an even episode, everything is funny and how do we get one of those rabbits that can turn into a hat? (Does anyone still wear a hat?)
May 02, 2020•46 min•Season 3Ep. 43
How is Nothing on Fire?
Chapter 3: The Knight Bus- Everything is weird right now. FMK ends poorly for Stan...but for SHAN, it's not so bad...Tara steals jokes from Puffs (but really, who ISN'T making Sirius/Serious jokes?!?!). Something is on fire somewhere.
Apr 15, 2020•34 min•Season 3Ep. 42
Pomme de Terrible
Chapter 2: Aunt Marge's Big Mistake- Wine has been consumed and we're back on our bullshit once again...hating on Marge Dursley because, well... because she is TERRIBLE. Also we talk about names a lot because we think we're interesting...and Tara is still somehow a potato.
Apr 09, 2020•53 min•Season 3Ep. 41
I'm Here for Some Croissants
Chapter 1: Owl Post- We are back for season 3! Welcome to Basic Snitches and the Prisoner of Azkaban! Harry's birthday is the best one yet! Also, Hedwig is the greatest. Hermione thinks of everything...so nothing has changed there. Arthur needs to learn to lock up his muggle stuff. Write us and name the Hogwarts owl because why the heck not??? RIP Adam's trip to New Orleans and our production of Dearly Departed. THANKS COVID-19..oh, and Tara still works in healthcare, sadly.
Apr 01, 2020•36 min•Season 3Ep. 40
My Love Language is Tacos
Chamber of Secrets Wrap-Up! Adam and Tara have finished Chamber of Secrets and are already excited to start Prisoner of Azkaban! The Neville Counter is a bust and also this episode is late but we're still out here living our best lives with popsicles and Eff, Marry, Kill... We'll be back with season 3 on April 1st!
Mar 16, 2020•41 min•Season 2Ep. 39
We Read Two Books
Chapter 18: Dobby's Reward-Tara is back...in case you're one of the weirdos that missed her voice...we got though book 2 and mostly we just talk about how terrible Lucius Malfoy is...oh, and Tara points out all the things Adam missed in the last 2 episodes...
Mar 05, 2020•47 min•Season 2Ep. 38
Why You Puttin' a Snake in Yo Basement
Chapter 17: The Heir of Slytherin- On another solo adventure, Adam over-analyzes Hogwarts artifacts and laments ever trying to do this alone. Then he warns listeners that the annoying jacket potato will be back next week...
Feb 27, 2020•45 min•Season 2Ep. 37
Lockshart
Chapter 16: The Chamber of Secrets- Adam has replaced Tara with Karen from Australia, who is fired pretty much right away... Hermione helps the boys again-even while petrified. Harry and Ron discover that Lockhart is a fraud-which they had already suspected- and after hundreds of years, three 12 year olds are the ones who find Slytherin's secret chamber.
Feb 20, 2020•43 min•Season 2Ep. 36
Spiderland USA
Chapter 15: Aragog- So...there are spiders...a LOT of them...Adam has nice legs. Tara still can't vodka. Send us your licorice.
Feb 13, 2020•41 min•Season 2Ep. 35
I Can't Vodka
Chapter 14:Cornelius Fudge- Vodka is maybe not a good idea- at least not for Tara. In this chapter we meet Fudge Packer AND Luscious Boytoy. ALSO, did you know that Adam likes True Crime? Not sure if he's mentioned it before but he's a fan. Hagrid is not sly but we love him so much. Oh, and someone needs to feed Fang!
Feb 05, 2020•43 min•Season 2Ep. 34
Choices Were Made- featuring special guest Stephen Ostertag
Chapter 13: The Very Secret Diary- We're so excited to have Stephen on this very exciting episode! He even wore his Ravenclaw socks! We discuss Cats...and cat humans...and how much Valentine's Day sucks. Basically, just like every other episode...except this time, Stephen is there. Baxter also makes a special appearance...because...well, cats...Stephen and Tara are the same exact depressing person and Adam would like bourbon for every occasion thank you very much.
Jan 30, 2020•46 min•Season 2Ep. 33
Floatin' Pies
Chapter 12: Polyjuice Potion- One thing Tara and Adam can agree upon is that pie is the number one in the definitive ranking of dessert. Change our minds. Double Christmas (Triple Christmas in fact) is great. Pie is great. Myrtle is kind of a bully. Draco is not so great. Pie is still great.
Jan 23, 2020•47 min•Season 2Ep. 32
Justice for Snek
Chapter 11: The Dueling Club- "I would like to say this again in bold this time"...Is Goyle good at potions? Snape causes drama and snowpocolypse ruins herbology. Ron only knows 5 numbers but he also has ALL the great one-liners. Adam's engorgio charm no longer works on Tara's boobs... also Tara threatens Adam with Avada Kadavra no less than 2 times...
Jan 16, 2020•50 min•Season 2Ep. 31
Banana Wine
Chapter 10: The Rogue Bludger- Perhaps it's time we start working on our intro...Tara is old...older than Adam. She's also Harry. And Harry is Switzerland. The cookie is floating and Madam Pomfrey is still the best.
Jan 09, 2020•46 min•Season 2Ep. 30
My Little Squibblet
Chapter 9- The Writing on the Wall- Starting the new year off perfectly by publishing a day late!!! Anyway, there's definitely a ghost in Adam's house and also on the TV...we discuss weird and inappropriate love triangles and Percy is an insensitive prick. Also Happy New Year!
Jan 02, 2020•44 min•Season 2Ep. 29
Adam and Tara and the Sorcerer's Stone
SPECIAL HOLIDAY EPISODE YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED! Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone as told by the Basic Snitches. We're stepping back to season 1 to give you the full first book as told by us through our chapter summaries! Sending love to our listeners and wishing you a beautiful holiday season!
Dec 25, 2019•56 min•Season 2Ep. 28
Moldy Haggis
Chapter 8: The Deathday Party- We drink wine. Tara calls herself out on her own BS. Adam is the funny one. Why is there no introduction to practical magic class? Adam has a lot of places to haunt just like his girl, Myrtle. Also, he is psychic...
Dec 19, 2019•43 min•Season 2Ep. 27
Scoping Out Chickens
Chapter 7: Mudbloods and Murmurs- Early morning quidditch practice is the WORST... especially when it's interrupted by rascist Slytherins. Ron does a lecture while burping slugs and Hagrid's got jokes and rocks and Adam's got points to give to EVERYONE! Oh, and Lockhart continues to be the most annoying ever...
Dec 12, 2019•47 min•Season 2Ep. 26
What if I Got Owls?
Chapter 6: Gilderoy Lockhart- Time to talk about Adam's favorite character!!!!! Why do owls deliver mail during meals? That's gross. Hermione suddenly has no sense because she thinks Lockhart is great. Adam's cats are jerks, and also, we are not drink enough (or at all) in this episode. Don't worry- we're still ridiculous....
Dec 05, 2019•37 min•Season 2Ep. 25
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