Chapter 19: The Hungarian Horntail... We drink lots of wine in this episode. We found some snacks to go with the wine. Anyway, Harry is stressed and grouchy, which we don't blame him for. Tara and Adam are also stressed and grouchy...because they live in this world 🤷♀️
Chapter 18: The Weighing of the Wands. Time for dick jokes, friends... literally, that's the whole episode. You're welcome?
Chapter 17: The Four Champions - Apparently Crouch and Bagman are the same person...Snape is around for no reason... AGAIN...and Gambon-dore does not understand what calm is.... Guys, Hogwarts is a mess and wizards need lawyers.
Chapter 16: The Goblet of Fire Brian is back! Look, we like to give the fans what they want and we know that what you want is MORE BRIAN! So this book has lots of cups in it. Guess how FMK goes...
Chapter 15: Beauxbatons and Durmstrang- Basically this episode is about how amazing Madame Maxime is... I guess we talk about other stuff...but mostly Qwen Maxime..
Chapter 14: The Unforgivable Curses- Adam starts us out with a little vampin'...we discuss school curriculum, Fake Moody's intentions and we FMK the unforgivable curses.
Chapter 13: Mad-Eye Moody- Tune in for some classy correspondence with Stephen and Ashley... also Professor Sprout is basically the best.
Chapter 12: The Tri-Wizard Tournament- We're finally back at Hogwarts! Yay! Also quidditch is gone. Yay! Adam makes an appearance and Tara gets mad at a hat.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Start 2021 right with a Basic Snitches adaptation of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban! With special guest, Brian O. Jackson.
As told by Adam and Tara, our Christmas gift to you. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets as told by us. Featuring special guest, Stephen Ostertag.
Chapter 11: Aboard the Hogwarts Express- Normal stuff happens and we go to Hogwarts. Also, we never got our tacos. 😡
Chapter 10: Mayhem at the Ministry- We’re tired, honest and fun. And fine. Taking pictures of cats is just part of Tara’s personality. This is No Pants part II Adam rudely compares Tara to Draco. Also we get Hermione vs Percy over Winky’s treatment at the World Cup and our girl is AWESOME. Rita Skeeter, however, isn’t WRONG for the most part, but she still a bitch. We continue to dig on the Ministry of Magic’s way of dealing with the World Cup. Also, Molly is incredible and we love her.
Chapter 9: The Dark Mark- Adam tries to tell Tara how to do winner and loser, AGAIN...we have margaritas and tacos and no pants energy! Post Quidditch World Cup sportsing fun, Tara attempts a clever twist on a chapter summary and Adam is not impressed More of Draco being an asshole and Crouch being suspicious in this chapter. We also discuss whether or not the Death Eaters had planned their torturous stunt on the Roberts family. Hermione is a treasure. Adam is super feisty and challenges Tara in...
Chapter 8: The Quidditch World Cup- Family vacation- do not recommend. Tomorrow is Adam’s birthday!!! Send wine to his house...also, it’s Thanksgiving eve, so enjoy having a kind-of excuse to eat all the carbs tomorrow...ANYWAY, that’s not what this episode is about. So, in the episode, we talk about sports and we know SO MUCH about sports...there are fouls and sports terms and all that. ….so buckle in, because we know about sports. Yeah. SPORTS!
Chapter 7: Bagman and Crouch- A lot of world building discussion in this episode...along with the introduction of important and not so important mentioned characters. How does the ministry actually function with these idiots running the show? Seriously, what a fucking mess. Also, we continue our deep analysis of Percy Weasley (How does this keep happening?). We learn that Slovenia is 568 miles from Bulgaria as the crow flies...which is not actually useful...but it is information...I guess. RIP t...
Chapter 6: The Portkey- Warning: TARA WILL STEAL YOUR BISCUITS! But not your man...because she is just an innocent potato. Intro to portkeys...so, what piece of garbage would Adam be if he were a portkey? Major Cedric love in this episode. Also, we do not fuck. Thanks.
Chapter 5: Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes- Even bitches can say nice things to other bitches. Don't worry, we had wine for this. Even though he's annoying, we give Percy some sympathy for being the loner of the fam. Ginny is awesome and she and Ron have all the great one-liners this chapter. Adam brings the witchy bullshit. GET READY.
Chapter 4: Back to the Burrow- Welcome to us being predictable. Tara is serious way too early in this book. Also, the internet isn't for everyone. PS. Having rights does not mean you can do whatever you want. So...yeah.
Chapter 3: The Invitation- Hoarding cake in your bedroom is super relatable...right? Dudley has no time to be a dick in this book. Also Sassy Harry is HERE! Hey mailman, MIND YA BUSINESS! Being Hedwig must be exhausting. Shoutout to Abby for emailing us and for your awesome divination insight!
Chapter 2: The Scar- Snakes gotta eat...just saying...This chapter is no one's favorite. FMK is a tough one. RIP this chapter in the movie. Cat drama, no points, and Bentley is up past his bedtime.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Chapter 1: The Riddle House- We made it to book 4, Snitches! We are back with our usual BS...This book starts in a new location with a bunch of gossip and muggles stuck in the 1800's...Adam teaches us stuff about divination again and Tara is cheating on Basic Snitches with a new podcast (Podcast in Death- check it out... especially if you are a fan of JD Robb/Nora Roberts)
Please enjoy listening to us laugh at ourselves for 50 plus minutes... Featuring Steven Ostertag and Brian O. Jackson. WARNING: Volume fluctuates
Book 3 Wrap-Up: We did it! We finished Prisoner of Azkaban! Get ready for us to read all of Ashley's FMK responses and for us to continue harassing you all to send us gifts or just give us feedback ;) Also, Adam loves Dora the Explorer. We're taking a short break soon but don't worry- we'll be dropping an extra special episode next week, so stay tuned!
Chapter 22: Owl Post Again- Pause for cookie. Welcome to the final chapter of book 3. Adam has a new cat. He also has a REALLY convincing Tara accent. Also, Brian O. Jackson is back on this episode to read Adam’s thing (and drink wine)- THANKS BRIAN! He also joins for FMK! The Snitches got him drunk!!! Snape is a child.
Chapter 21: Hermione's Secret- We are so excited to welcome back Brian O. Jackson (previously heard on our special PUFFS episode)! Chocolate is always enough, Harry IS Daddy and Fudge is rude. Sex- that's what Hogwarts is all about.
Chapter 20: The Dementor's Kiss- Sheets with holes are the WORST! Good try by the good guys to get everyone to safety, but this is Harry Potter and we still have 2 chapters left...also, the secret to our success is recording this podcast in the nude.
Chapter 19: The Servant of Lord Voldemort- Shortest intro ever...we are SIRIUS about getting down the business!!! So, how do you actually pronounce animagus? So, Snape is a drama queen, in case we needed reminding...oh, and the weirdest FMK ever is coming at you this episode. Closing music is "Hermione Granger's Not a Transphobe" by Kathryn Hoss- featured on her EP Progress Pride and her album Hufflepuff's Make Better Lovers. Check her out on Spotify, YouTube music and more!
Chapter 18: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs- This episode brought to you by an unhealthy love of cheese dip, lots of wine and no less than 3 false endings...did you know Adam was voted most dramatic in his high school class? Tara? Umm..most, uh, potato? FMK forces us to make hard decisions... oh, and yes, our Mexican food was delicious, thank you.
Chapter 17: Cat, Rat, and Dog- Adam and Tara are together again ❤️ Tara is working on her Adam voice and Tara has written the longest chapter summary of her life. Scabbers is rude and the whomping willow has had ENOUGH.
Chapter 16: Professor Trelawney's Prediction- Once again, Tara and Adam request gifts in the form of alcohol...but since Tara is the fan favorite, just send it all to her. In this chapter- exams, more BA Hermione, the return of the invisibility cloak, shenanigans, and some old guys.
