Scott You ready, Curty b I'm ready to laugh and laugh and laugh.
Someone bought a Temu croissant lamp that ended up being an actual croissant.
Oh God, I wish I knew more about Timu. All right, well, let's sink our teeth into a brand new episode of the non award winning Bananas podcasting.
World unders would you sillion pieces?
Would banana.
Guys, gals, non binary pals. Welcome to the Bananas Podcast.
I'm Kirk Brown Older.
I'm banana boy number two. Scotty Landis. Thank you for listening to the silliest little podcast there was. We love you wherever you are. Give yourself a break, Come inside your own mind right now, give yourself a little compliment that nobody else knows. You're giving yourself feel good today.
And if you live in Vermont or dare I even say it, Canada, I'm gonna be at Burlington the Vermont Comedy Club October tenth, eleventh, and twelfth, Thursday Friday Saturday night. Go go give yourself a treat. The new hour is tight and it's ready.
To go, folks.
It's good.
I heard it in Denver and I laughed so hard I almost threw up. I was laughing so hard.
Today.
Our guest is an impressive, impressive stand up comedian. It's a powerful writer, yeah, and a girth the actor. You can hear her voice on Bob's Burger's Fairview, Aquitine Forever, and many many more, and her gut achingly good comedy special Live from the Big Dog is available everywhere right now. Please welcome the amazing Please welcome back to the show, the amazing Blair Saki.
Wow, Oh my god. What's up.
Banana's Gang? Yeah, Banana Team, Yeah group. I'm thrilled to be back.
Gosh.
A couple of my favorite guys here.
Hi, how are you? It's good to see you. Have you been touring or have you been in La doing La stuff?
I was touring a lot this summer.
Have a little break right now, but yeah, super fun. I have a you guys, how are you so good?
I mean really good, honestly fantastic.
We have microphones with our names on them. That's how good we're doing.
That's incredible, Banana boys.
I found a wallet yesterday. So I was walking in to get some lunch and I just saw the thickest wallet I've ever seen in my life, Like there was an a sort of Seinfeld where George Standsa's wallet is so thick it like hurts his back or whatever. So I find it looked like a club sandwich sitting on the curb, and so I picked it up and I opened it. All the cash is in there, licenses in there.
It's a dude from Massachusetts, and then like five credit cards, a ton of hotel keys, and a social Security card. What this person was about to lose their whole life, or.
Maybe they were on the run because they just committed a grave crime.
Well I considered that too, and I did count the amount of cash because I thought maybe if this is a criminal, it's about to be a free lunch. But I went through everything and I like looked up the dude's name on Instagram and couldn't find him. And then I went through his credit cards and on one of them it had like a business name on it, and so I searched that business name and I used our bananas Instagram and tagged him and I was like, yo, dude, I have your wallet, DM me and the guy was like,
are you serious. Two hours later he gets back to me and he was about to go on tour. He's a musician. His name's like Lato l A y t O. And he was like, where'd you find it? I was like, it was on the curb, and so he met me at a bar and I gave it back to him and he was just like, man, the look on his face. I just saved him so like he couldn't get on flights. Yeah, he couldn't stay in hotels like it was.
Did you yeah, good job. Did you ask why it was on a curb?
No?
I think he fell out of his pocket. Get that he was going to the store next to the store I was going to, and he just like dabbed me a couple of times and like gave me mo those handshakes where it was like, oh man, but yeah he was uh, he was real close to being in deep deep shit.
No, no fifty bucks for that, you know.
I I wondered why he wasn't like, can I buy you around or something.
For fucking real.
Yeah, it's a little cheap with given what you saved him from. And also just an idea, you got a fat ass wallet, You're not really thinking through how am I not working?
Staying in the pocket?
You know, maybe you need to fin out your wallet if you wanted to stay in your pants.
I agree. I bet it popped out of there, just like a guys are just like nope, not today. And he had the weirdest amount of money. He had a one hundred dollars bill and two singles.
That is a weird amount of money. That's maybe why he didn't give you. He didn't want to give you his hundred that's right.
He was either going to give you two dollars or one hundred dollars.
But he should take the hotel keys out, you know, if he must save them, put them in a jar maybe.
Yeah, of course, make them into a cool necklace. Let people know that you're a touring musician or comic. I know that's what you guys do.
I have saved every lanyard I've ever gotten from any festival or you know, like thing like that, and now.
It's just a big pile of trash over it.
Yeah.
I thought, Bill, I thought at some point this would be like nice to have to look back on.
And I look back on and I'm like, yeah, that was I was there. I don't care. I'm so not nostalgic about it.
Yeah, I know, I'm so bad at saving things. The only thing I save are my baskets and baskets of journals. But besides that, like I always like to run real light, you know, run run you in my apartment, but I like to keep it light, and so I have no things, you know, memory things, and maybe I should rethink that.
So I by the time this comes out, it will the secret will be out. But I made so for my tenth anniversary. Great, thank you. I looked up what the traditional gift is for ten years of marriage.
No idea ten h just a nice tin thong for your wife.
It's literally just like just like ten, yeah, ten years. Ain't shit you make it ten for ten? I mean, like what, it's so crazy. But so I made this book of like our whole life together, like from photographs. So it's like a fifty eight sixty page book and it's like twelve inches by twelve inches. I like, I got a fifty percent off thing for mixed book, you know,
and so I went like high end on everything. It's like the whole thing, and it's huge and it's heavy, and when you look through it, it is genuinely like assembling it. It was genuinely like whoa it's been thirteen years that we've been together, from two different cities and also two fucking children and my mom dying, and there's like all of that in this book now, and it was like it was like a very cool experience to put together, and like now I'm very excited about it.
That is that is so sweet.
I am so proud of you for doing something that nice, for reaching inside the depths of you and making a changible, uh you know, nostalgia thing of your life. Yeah, because we're all so all of our memories are digital, so yes, we just like don't have anything physical outside of our phones.
I know.
And as soon as like something, I just imagine something is going to change on some level of the digital scape and then all of our memories are going to be just like gone. And I want to have physical things. I want to have physical images because I have no images from like from the all of college, I didn't take a single photograph. I have one photograph from college. One photograph from college.
I know what you mean. Like my college is way way, way undocumented. Like I have a group of friends that we kind of reconnected over during COVID, and like every once while, someone will drop one in the group chat and I'm like, damn, I don't remember that night at all. And it's like you just wonder what hard copy photos you were floating around out there.
Yeah, I remember one year. I don't know when, it was, like twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen, I like deleted my Facebook and instead of backing up those photos, I just deleted it, you know. Yeah, so I could have had photos. I did for a time, but now they're lost in the ethos.
Now you're untethered from your past, Blair. You're untethered, You're free.
But you're a writer, writer, Blair. Did you ever hear the like I think it's in a movable feast that Hemingway like had all his short stories on a train trip and then lost them all and so every story he had was gone, and he was like devastated. But then looking back, he's like, it was the best thing to happen to me, because then I had to start writing new things, like instead of sending out the stories while he was in Paris, right and trying to like sell oldgit, it was like, nope, now all of it
is gone. It's like erasing your hard drive by today's standards, and then and then he became who he was.
That's truly we all, I guess emerge from the ashes.
But no, that isn't a trump That is.
That is a troupe from like so many movies and stuff where there's like some artist child who like spends years on a manuscript and then like the evil mother like throws it into the fire one day and like all their stuff is gone, and then they find way to transcend.
There we go, There we go.
You read me on my Facebook.
You're making new stories every day and that's nice. Let's hear me to it.
This croissant other question, I do I do.
So?
This was sent in by the wonderful Asia six Asia.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, sir.
If you want to send us a story that we should use on the podcast, you can DM it to us on our Instagram, The Bananas Podcast. It's also an enjoyable follow. You'll get real fun stuff every single day. Run your fast and if you don't have Instagram, you can email it at The Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com.
This was in Living et Cetera.
Scottie, I know you're a huge fan of Living et cetera.
How big of a fan?
Are you well? The tattoo on my lower back says I'm a huge fan because it says what am I doing? Reading, living, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, And it swirls like a spiral down between my cheeks, and I do have a little dot com where the sun, don't you?
Oh that's beautiful. It is.
I think it's a great name for website because it is. It does encompass everything it's.
Living and everything else, et cetera. It's a great name. They could cover whatever the fuck they want.
Someone bought a TMU croissant lamp that ended up being an actual croissant.
Uh. This was written.
By Hugh met calf O that what do you say that dick swinging?
Hugh metcalf that's swinging. I always say just that swinging. But I hear he's hanging meet. Yeah, I heard. He's fine.
It's easy to fall victim to an online shopping purchase that doesn't quite measure up to what we'd hoped. And then there's three examples in one long paragraph that I'm gonna skip good. So is the Tale of TikTok user Nedda Murphy at frog in a hat Girl whose video of a quote croissant lamp from online marketplace Temu has been viewed nearly nine million times. So we got at food shaped lamps are cute, there's something nostalgic about them.
Then there's all this other stuff about why lamps are cute.
Here it goes from Temu.
It was possibly never going to be the best table lamp, but this particular croissant lamp took the realism stakes to the next level. One day, after coming home on a hot day, its owner found hundreds of ants underneath the small table lamp. Disturbed, she made a small opening in the lamp a little larger and started to suspect that, in fact, her croissant lamp was a real hollowed out Croissant smart in resin. After breaking the lamp open and even as we hate to say it, giving it a taste,
test Neta confirmed that to be the case. However, after doing a little research, it turns out that this isn't the only place you can get yourself a preserved croissant lamp, and some people are doing it willingly. The Amazon Croissant lamp listing has over one hundred positive ratings and an average four point four out of five.
Blah blah blah.
We even found a version of the lamp made by a Japanese artist selling for two hundred and fifties dollars. Again, that is an actual croissant. And this is what Hugh says. It might not be quite as shocking as it sounds. According to Art resin, you can use resin to preserve food as long as you cover every square inch of it, which may be where this TMU croissant lamp has gone awry. Then he says that Hugh he wouldn't personally buy one, right,
he's inserting himself he's a gonzo journalist. Then there's just examples of other food lamps that you can buy, and honestly, I'm into all of them, including a Seletti banana lamp, which is made of resin and glass and it's just a banana and it lights up and it's kind of beautiful. It's one hundred and fifty bucks at Selfridges, which I think is a UK company.
There's a what else is there? There's a cauliflower.
Lamp, an orange lamp, lamp, just a piece of bread lamp. It's great. I want to get all these lamps. What fruit lamp. Would you want, Blair.
I'm sure Lauren would love if you just ordered a gaggle of.
Food lamps. No, I find it's really interesting.
Resin that is the same thing that makes surfboards, right right, Yeah, And so they're just covering food in surfboard and then slapping it a couple hundred bucks.
I like that, and then sticking a light up inside of it.
We get. But then there's some sort of great controversy that this man was struck by because of the ant farm that it attracted. I guess that is problematic. You don't want the whole ant farm just for your decor.
Yeah, it sounds like Tim who didn't resin their croissant properly.
Yeah, they didn't wax up their cryissant.
Yeah, wax down there.
Just speaking some surf talk, and you're from San Clemente, aren't you.
I can't remember we talked about this. Did you grow up surfing?
I did?
Yeah? I don't do it anymore though, No?
Did Is that a conscious choice or just like nah, just didn't it just fell off?
Well I've only it fell off and it was more of you know, a young man's game for me. Now I sort of prefer to be sedentary, cozy, not really too wet or cold or walking on rocks or you know, diving under the furious ocean.
When was did you know it was your last time surfing? When you when you went out the last time surfing?
No, that's really hilarious that you bring it up. I mean like I did contest when I was a kid. You did, yeah, when I was really young, and then I retired with him.
Like wait, I was how young?
Like I would say I was doing contest between like ten eleven.
Twelve, Wow, oh my god.
Yeah, and then I just got too much into like other very competitive sports. But like my last real wave, I mean once I'll go, like once a year when it's like one hundred degrees after two beers and like five men I grew up with are calling me a pussy.
Besides that, I'll never ever go. But my last real wave, it was like, oh, we're on a family surf trip in Costa Rica, like twelve fifteen years ago, and the waves were way too big, Like I don't like a big wave, Like I'm a shy spirit, and I go out and I'm just so petrified, like having a panic attack, and I have nothing to do. I'm just getting crushed, and so I finally just get have a blue crush moment. I get this wave that's like a miracle wave, like
I don't know where in it. I just like rode it in to like for deer, I was like, I'm never gonna top that on them, and I literally just that was it.
That is the best last wave to ever. Yeah, the last don't really when I asked that you actually had.
Like no, I had one, because I had a really conflicting relationship with it, Like I was so fearful. I didn't like feel that strong of a swimmer, like I like surfing itself, but like, yeah, I don't like big waves, which really exes out most of it.
Yeah, I like big waves. I used to really like big waves.
I used to like love it when it was like double overhead and like blizzard conditions in New York City.
In New York City, you're sick, you're twisted.
Oh yeah, we would surf in the snow in New York all the time.
I feel like you had a real adrenaline junkie streak to you, which.
I don't have.
Yes, agree, agreed, agreed, And it is and it is, and it is dipped. As I've gotten older, it has, thank god.
Well, I watched that documentary on HBO one hundred foot Wave or whatever, and that guy's fifty plus or whatever riding in Nazaree or wherever in Portugal, and I'm like, give it up. Yeah, Like, there are so many other fun things to do in life, right, Get out a deca uno cards, get the whiskey bottle out, have a wild one.
I thought.
I thought that docu series was terrifying. Just every second.
I was like, this is why I quit. I'm safe now.
Yeah, Kurta, we're talking about it like off pod a while ago, because like that guy is trying so hard and then the world finds out about that wave and then that guy Kai for the Red Bull Surfer from Wine Kurt just comes in as doing front flips down the front of that wave and you're like, oh, the next generation is already so far beyond.
Oh I I didn't know about that.
That's crazy. I have to look that up.
Yeah.
Ky Lenny is really good.
Ky Lenny. Yeah, he just is like he's like, okay, I'll try it, and then goes down the wave and is literally doing front flips down an eighty foot wave and you're like, this other guy breaks his neck every time. Kuy's just doing a juicy fruit commercial the whole way down.
And his younger brother, Ridge Lenny, is also is almost as good as Kai, and I think Kai is excellent.
And he's the tow in brother, right his brother tows him in. I think. So it's just like two badass dudes. Man forget, But I would like to go sit there and watch it, and I would be a nervous wreck the whole time, but I would love to sit at that lighthouse and just watch it coming.
People have asked me a lot like, oh, you must have loved that doc series, and I tried to watch the first one, and I just don't care because it's not connected to what I know as surfing. It is such a hyper specific uh you know this gigantic forty to one hundred foot tall wave. I'm surfing three foot to six foot waves without too bid. They're just like, there's no comparison between three to six feet and forty to one hundred. There is no there's It's not the
same sport. It's like a different it's a completely different thing. So I don't I don't.
I've never really.
Enjoyed big wave surfing because it's just there's no part I connect to.
I would like to tell you into a one foot wave, though. I want to tell you into a one foot wave. Let's go love that. Yeah, let's go down to Newport and we'll runt a wave runner and then we'll just find little one foot too, and I'll just pull you in. I'll beach myself and just you'll go. You'll just hard charge. Yeah.
Yeah, I am open and available to being towed into a one foot wave. That sounds curious relaxing to me.
I want the rope to be four and a half feet long. I want to be able to turn around and shake your hand. I want to go, go, Blair.
Go you guys.
This is gonna sound like something that's made up. But my mother, uh, I think she was like sixty three or sixty four, tore her hamstring wakesurfing with no bindings.
Like oh Hindu, yeah that's cool.
My brother had to.
Dive in and put her over his shoulder and like get her out of the water.
Oh my god, the ultimate son moment. When my mom was a teacher, we were she was a teacher in the same high school that I was in for two years, never had her as a teacher anything, and honestly was in different wings of the big school the whole time. But I always had this like hero hope that I would see like a student, like a boy, push her, and then I got a free green light to just run down and superman punch him as hard as I could and be like, he pushed my mom. It was
worth it. But it never happened. Sadly, I'm so sweet nobody pushed my mom. Sadly I have.
I have a dumber version of that that I still sometimes think of when I think of like a tragedy happening to me.
You know, when your brain just goes to like weird tragedies.
Every time I was in church, Yeah, intrusive thought.
Yeah, it's trusive thought.
When I have an intrusive thought, I go, well, I definitely get back into smoking then, sure, like it was a horrific accident, I'd be like, well, I probably could just smoke then, because there's no reason to not smoke at that point.
That's right. I have a sports injury story. Let's do whiskey and Bacon sent this and whiskey and bacon. Good for you for claiming that before everybody else. I'm sure a lot of people have tried wow and whiskey and bacon got it first, and they are ban animals. This was written by Jamie Barton, who's the best in the biz at CNN. Soccer player injured after pretty hefty sneeze. Yeah,
I didn't know where I was going, did you. Soccer player in England has been ruled out with an injury after a pretty hefty sneeze.
Who where is this? Where did it appear?
The Bolton Wanderers in England? So in the English Premier League?
What publication?
Who wrote?
Oh CNN, this is CNN. I've heard of him.
Yeah, that's a real publication. Victor Adaboyejo, who plays for the Bolton Wanderers in League One, the third tier of English soccer, so not the Premier League, actually hurt his back on Monday due to a sneeze. Victor has been suffering with a nasty backgreendery and the sneeze set it off yesterday. Believe it or not. Bolton manager Iron Avatt said to the Bolton News we have it scanned and he should have the results very soon. Everyone remembers the
challenge at Charlton. Of course, we all remember the challenge at Charlton. Yeah he was okay at the time. Yeah. I wake up screaming challenge at Charlton sometimes more often than I care to admit. It was.
It's the name of my failed Jimmy Changa line, the charge of Charlota Chimmy Changa's and never went anywhere.
It's not over to the fount Lady sings, Kurt, Let's go revived the Chimmy Chonga line.
Jimmy Chonga's very eighties Mexican food, right like that.
Very like I haven't had one in like twenty years. I feel like I don't think I've had a Chimmy Changa.
Timeless really though, I'm not even quite sure I know what.
Distinguishes a Jimmy Chonga.
But what a name, you know, Like, not many things get to go through life with such a distinguishing moniker as the Chimmy Chonga.
What if I when I go to Mexico City with my wife, I find the best Jimmy Changa. I just keep asking every Mexican, like local Mexican city resident, where's your best Jimmy chok there's like a place that makes a great jimmy changa.
Do you think that.
Because I don't know anything about this, Like, is chimmy chungo authentic or is that like a white people spin on Mexicano.
Well, Chi Chi's the White People restaurant of the eighties and nineties had a humonga chimmy chonga, so that leans towards white guys in boardroom just throwing letters at a whiteboard. The humongo chimmy chongo is nice, though. I gotta.
Sounds incredible. That sounds like a wedding dance or something.
Yeah, okay, I love it.
Educational podcast here it is educational podcast. The origin of this is from the Wikipedia page. The origin of the chimmy chogi is uncertain. According to Mexican linguist and philologist friend Cisco Jay Santa Maria's Dictionario de Mexicanese, most chimmi Changa's is a regionalism from the state of Tabasco. Okay, yeah, all right, there it is. That's it from Tabasco. So I don't know where.
So we're saying authentico. That's what I'm saying, authentic. Everybody remembers the challenge at Charlton. He was okay at the time, but then he had a pretty hefty sneeze. Victor is a powerful boy and even his sneezes are powerful. His manager said, what a cheerleader.
That's a big, condescending powerful boy.
My big powerful boy did a big sneeze.
He's a big, dumb, powerful boy who's got a big old sneezer.
That's right. As a result, he the striker missed Tuesday's game against Barrow and it remains to be seen when he will make his return. Return. Quote, he felt a bit of a crack between his ribs and we're hopeful it's just cartilage or muscular tissue. That's what you always hope. You always just want to be cartilage. But until we've had a good look at the skin, we won't fully know.
And let's see, I have to start looking long at myself when players start getting injured sneezing, he said, that is just the way things seem to be going at the moment, but we have to deal with it. The freak injury came at a bad time for Bolton, which is already missing a number of other players and struggling in the division. At Aboyejo becomes the latest name on a list of sports most bizarre injuries. Here we go, Oh, here we go.
Yes, this is why this article is important.
That's why we went with it.
Season takes out a lot of players.
Yeah, that's right. Claireton should be sponsoring the Bolton Wanderers. Glasgow Rangers defender Kirk Broadfoot, great name for a soccer player, required hospital treatment after an egg he had poached the microwave exploded in his face. Wow, it scalded him, which is not funny, but that is hilarious. I'm so so sorry about that. Kirk, didn't laugh at your misfortune.
He tried to cook an egg.
He tried to cook an egg, A sealed egg, Yeah right, an uncracked egg, that's what he tried to do.
Yeah, exploded.
I might purport just a theory here that there is an opposing team to the Bolton Challengers that has put a significant hex curse on these players to have just a bevy of unbelievable, inconceivable injuries. And if I were the other healthy players on that team, I would really be tiptoeing my ass around an.
Exploding egg in the microwave.
That's not even that's like a ied you wouldn't even be worried about.
Nope. In nineteen ninety five, Croatian striker Milan Ray Pitch or Repake maybe missed the start of the preseason, having accidentally poked himself in the eye with his own boarding pass while waiting for a flight. No way, No, that feels like a voodoo doll moment. I agree with Blair. And more recently, Tunisian Rami KaiB was sidelined for five weeks in twenty twenty one after he broke his jaw eating a carrot.
What's happening with his jaw?
Were soccer players not working out anything but their butts and hammies and calves? Give me a break, breaking out.
So feeble, so delicate.
You know, some people do have those sneezes, Like my mother is one where when she sneezes, I truly worry that she is going to rocket launch to the mood, you know, like it has some sort of horsepower that I don't even know where it comes from.
And some old guys have that hank sneeze that I just don't understand where they use like a handkerchief, and when they sneeze they actually like go like and you're like, I've sneezed probably ten thousand times in my life, and not once did I honk on the way out and I tried.
Yeah, have you guys ever noticed that you take on the sneezes of your parents at all?
No, I am not some more time with my parents.
I'm about a little bit fearful that I have taken on my mother's rocket launch.
Yeah, I wish season.
Too hard over here. I could be the next one to blow my back out.
Have you two? I've heard this is a thing with com especially when you're doing a show, like you're on the road. Have you ever felt so sick then they say welcome to the stage, stage, Blair Sockey, and then suddenly you feel fine for an hour, and then as soon as you step off stage you feel terrible again. Yep. Have you ever had that adrenaline cure? Yep?
I felt that more in sports.
I would have that happen in sports, where it would be on my deathbed and then you just snap out and then you're like worse once it over. Once it's over, and your body like gets out of the adrenaline. But when I'm going on stage, if I've been really sick. It's hard because, like it, my voice is already almost gone at all times.
That's true. That's true. But you played college volleyball at UCLA.
Right ooh, thank you, Scotty. Incredible memory.
But that's very impressive. So I could imagine those were some high stakes matches. And did you ever feel like you played better when you were sick, like you were somehow more focused.
Yeah, I would say that sometimes because you lock in so hard because you're just like do or die.
Yeah, I've felt that before. That's crazy.
And how many volleyballs have you ever taken directly to your face?
So many?
One time I got a concussion work the most humiliating one though, Like that I can never forget for the rest of my life, because like, when you get hit in the face, there's also this thing where you're not supposed to touch your face after to act like because so it's like that guy doesn't face you or whatever. Right, And when my freshman year, we were playing Arizona and it was senior night and the whole University of Arizona and the whole stadium was full, and this one woman
who ended up being in the Olympian Kim Glass. She was also on America's Next Top Model of Fun. Oh and I'm at the like five foot line and she just drills a ball off my face like this sixth stree girl, and the entire the over the whole loud speaker, they go, Kim Glass with her one thousand kill. And she was a senior, and the entire stadium stood up in their seats and I was just sitting there like seeing stars like fucking Tom and Jerry. And I was like, I like, if I think about it, it's like I
can go back to that moment. How humiliating and also painful.
Well, oh my god, that's crazy.
Yeah, Like Kimen Glass, I'm like, so however long that moment could possibly be stretched out to me?
It just went on and on and on.
Let's hear it again.
Yeah, And they referred to their one thousand kill like by meaning hitting people in the face with the ball.
I think her one thousand career kill. And she was like such a star like Olympian, so like the whole school was.
Like rallied around her.
And then she got her one thousand kill on her senior night off my face.
Oh yeah, for Kim with her perfect body. She's got a model's face, an incredible physique, an olympian. She was reading an eighth grade level in fifth grade. She has no food allergies. Oh my god, Well where is she now?
She's probably not a guest on a podcast, probably slinging fried clams at a seaside place somewhat.
I'm sure she's very rich in like a seaside mansion. But she's not with the man. The boys said.
I would turn and walk away if I ever see her. She's gonna get a come up and see she'll brew the day I crossed her, that I'm six three, I'll look her dead in the eye. So you killed it one more time? You see what?
No, I do feel that the brain damage I suffered that day has, you know, propelled my career for.
What a visionary all right, I'll tease this into some timeouts, some thumbs up rather thumbs ups, meat Pasto, the penguin, an absolute unit, the massive King penguin, and chick.
Okay, yeah, I want to learn about this big bird. First up the thumbs up. One of the great names we've ever been sent. Sent this in Laslow. Barna wants to thumb his wife Marissa way up. She's been moonlighting as a photographer for years and has gotten phenomenal at it. She is booked up for the year with photography work and because of Marissa's hard work, they will be able to take their daughters for the first time to Disneyland.
Thumbs up. That's awesome.
That is a fun one. H Thomas wants to thumb his lovely fiance Maddie all the way up aka mad Dog, for quitting her job and moving to Portland, Oregon with Tomas. She is the very best and Tomas is excited to take this next step before their wedding July twenty twenty five. Congratulations you love birds. Thumbs ups. I got two more. David wants to thumb Kiriana up. Kurian is an amazing watercolorist. I think it's watercolorists maybe watercolor artist and she has
a show in Chico, California this fall. Her instagram is at Kirana dot art. That's kyr I a n NA dot art. And if you're a bored bananamal in northern California and you want to support the arts and another bananimal, go see Kuriana show this fall in Chico. Oh that sounds nice.
Oh hell yeah.
And last, but not least, Justin King wants to thumb himself up, and that's fine with us. We don't mind that he found out about Bananas just in January twenty twenty four and is already caught up Kurt, in eight months. He's listened to every episode. He knows you and I better than we know ourselves. He says he is not a parasocial lunatic, but he does have one hundred and fifteen mile commute every day.
Wow, that's all.
And bananas is what helps him get through it. So thumbs up, Justin, thumbs up, way to go, Justin, I know, putting in that windshield. Time my god. Oh and if you want to send your thumbs up, you can always send it to us at the Banans Podcast and Instagram or Theebanans Podcast at gmail dot com. We also have a website, Bananas podcast dot com.
We are here with of course, the wonderful and fantastic Blair Sake, Who's new special you can go watch right now wherever you get specials YouTube. Dog, I know it's on YouTube that I was watching it on YouTube.
Oh my god, Thanks Kurt. That's so kind of you.
I love it.
I think it's there's so many It's like your jokes are so surprising and so original that they get me every single time.
That is such a huge compliment. Thank you.
Wow, You're welcome. I love them. You want to hear about this absolute unit.
I want to hear about the unit. I want to hear about the unit.
This was sent in.
By the fantastic and wonderful Angelica. Thank you Angelica, Thank you Angelica. This was in Mashable dot Com.
Didn't know it still existed. Glad it still does.
Right.
Written written by Tim Marson or Marchin.
Best, not bez.
Best in the beeswax that man.
This is Pesto the Penguin. He is an absolute unit.
The yow ming of penguins has been born and is thriving in an Australian aquarium topical.
You've got to see Pesto.
The Penguin, a baby king penguin at Sea Life, Melbourne Aquarium. You are not prepared for the height and girth of this absolute unit. Feast your eyes on Pesto twenty five fishes per day. I will just sum up this article because the whole article is just this bird is very large, Okay.
I would like to see this bird though. That being said, love, if I'm in Australia, I'm gonna go see Pesto.
I mean, you gotta see Pesto. Pesto is.
Both of his parents are twenty five pounds. Pesto is six months nine months old. He weighs fifty pounds.
That's he is.
So you know how a baby penguin chick is just all furry, a puff ball of brown fur. They're King penguin, King Emperor Penguins ratherk so you know, they're the classic like March of the Penguins. Penguins they normally get to like, I don't know, like two and a half feet tall or something. Don't quote me on that. He's already weigh like a foot taller than his parents and double their size, Like the two of them weigh the amount that he weighs.
And and it's not like anything weird. It's not. It's not like my immediate thing was like, oh.
I would love to do this story, but we're gonna find out that it's some fucked up zoo thing.
The reason that he's fifty pounds, and it's not. It's not a fucked up zoothe, which is great.
It's just genetics and the fact that he has he can like eat as much as he wants.
Uh, he's just a hungry boy.
Uh.
And so yeah, he is the largest they might be the largest penguin on record ever. But he's just completely furry. You go to our Instagram right now. This is a reason you should go follow us on Instagram right now. True because this photo, the photo of this bird is gonna be there today the day that this drops, maybe not at midnight when it comes out to it by noon.
Yeah, well, we got stuff to do. But yeah, oh he is big. I'm looking at him him.
Wait, I'm looking for the.
Penguin pest Pesto the absolute unit, and the absolute unit is what everyone online keeps calling him, which makes me cry laugh.
I love that.
Absolutely God, he is huge, is comically big.
He's comically big.
And I liked how this was like, it's not us though. He the Tony Robbins Gigantle disease.
You know, yeah, he does Pesto, the Tony Robbins of Pegwitz absolute Unit.
When that Tony Robbins doc came out, I'm not your whatever. If I was home workaholics at the time, and it like everybody watched it in the writer's room and we were talking. Everybody watched it and I hadn't seen it like the night it came out, so that it was like, Scotty, did you see it? And it's crazy, Liken't He's just giving the harshest advice to people. And everybody had like
really strong feelings about Tony Robbins. And so I watched it the next night and two of my ex girlfriends are in that documentary crying in cheering no and not together. No what two of them?
Yes and so insane dude.
So I came in day three and said, yeah, I watched it last night. And then the people that knew those people were like, did you see so and so? And I was like, yeah, did you see so and so? And they're like, yeah, I guess they needed a little, you know, a reason to live. I guess after we broke up they.
Were crying about losing the love of their life. Baby.
Yeah, right, That's what I kept saying. But then I went and cried in the bathroom for a while. Everybody cried. He's a very convincing speaker.
Yeah, and the way he like screams and people.
He's the worst.
Yeah, Like when he cusses, he sounds like a military general.
Like you're like, all right, you know, if you were lying to me, I'd be like, that's bullshit. But he'll be like that is bullshit, and you're like, it's like when the Rock cusses and you're like, have you have you ever cussed somebody in a real way? But Tony Robbins is somehow worse at it, Like he's, Oh.
My god, Scottie, I can't believe you have two exes and.
Not too matter they.
Worth the same one like in Florida?
So crazy? Are like these are long ago? Or would I know them?
Do you know them both? Oh my god? Probably nine years? Well the doc probably came out seven years six. Yeah, you do. Crazy. It's the two you're thinking, okay, and may you know, may the wind be always their back?
And look, I won't sit here before the Banana Boys and act like I haven't gotten myself involved in some pretty weird shit, but you know, I'll leave it off camera. I'm not leaving a goddamn paper trail, all right. I don't want my dad to see me at a Tony Robbins event. Yeah.
You know, we're the entire writer's room full of comedy writers just being like why are they there? And you talk about that for two hours and I'm like, I'm not saying shit, I'm not saying ship.
Wow, that's it.
Was a teachable moment for all of us. We all learned a lot that we did.
Which is one of the best things I've ever heard.
Yeah, so I would say, Blair, I'll give you a dealer's choice here. We can either do a speeding ticket story or a doorstop story.
Oh wow, that's a real Sophie's choice. I guess I'm gonna have to go speeding ticket.
Great, it's a great one.
Let's start the next podcast with a doorstop story.
You would be shocked at how good it is. Our bff, Edmund Hawkins sent this into me. CHURDI, b we love Edmund Hawkins. What's up?
Ed?
This was in WKRC, written by that swing. In WKRC, staff man receives one point four million dollars speeding ticket for going ninety and a fifty five.
How was that possible?
Great question, Savannah Georgia. Yeah, that's funny.
Okay, are you okay, Kurt?
Yeah, your camera.
Yeah, like my surfboard just almost took my head off.
That was crazy.
Oh my god, that would have been like a story on this podcast.
It was because I raised my desk and it upsets some stuff and I guess it came out all right, yeah, go ahead, I okay.
No, I think it was thrilling. And we were talking about wiping out all the time. You wiped out podcasting. That's not easy to do. A man, of course, was given a one point four million dollar speeding ticket after being caught going ninety miles an hour in a fifty five miles an hour zone.
Wow.
According to the Autawire, local authorities said the speeding ticket was merely a placeholder, but Connor Cato said he was left stunned after receiving the seven figure ticket. One frame it, frame it. This is incredible. I'm so jealous. Or send it to me and I'll frame it and keep it forever, Connor Cato. I knew I was going to be fine for speeding, but one point four million was beyond comprehension.
Cato called the Savannah Court to check if the one point four million dollar ticket was a mistake, but were told that it wasn't and he would either have to pay it or appear in court. On December twenty, first of Representative for the City of Savannah explained the jaw dropping ticket was a figure auto generated by an e citation software and it was considered a placeholder, which is.
What that seems so crazy, the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
If you're going to have something auto generated ticket, just to have it generated correctly.
Right or go? Also, if I am so against Maryland has these, I don't think California has these yet, but they have those speeding boxes, like they have cameras that it just when you go buy and you're it snaps a photo of your license plate and mails your ticket. There is no interaction whatsoever.
They had that in my hometown, Like it makes the It makes the city so much money.
Did you ever see Scotty, You've seen the photograph of me. I think I was making a left hand I made a left hand turn.
Through a red light, and they snapped a photo of me.
And I have just the biggest smile on my face and I had no idea that they're snapping a photo of me. But this is just like how I'm driving around Los Angeles, like the dumbest golden retreatver dog behind the wheel.
Brick in the loll.
That's so funny.
That's exactly how I would imagine you a tar That's hysterical, man.
So yeah, this was a placeholder e citation ticket. The City of Savannah also said the ultimate penalty, which is so stupid, was determined by a judge later and the actual find would not exceed one thousand dollars. Yeah, I would hope not. I mean, I guess.
He'd one thousand dollars for going.
Ninety and fifty five's almost double. But it's like, isn't that I don't know, two fifty two hundred bucks?
I don't know, Yeah, that seems insane.
He was probably late for his like one thousand pounds cocaine drop in the back of his car.
Oh the best, Yeah, that would be the best. He had one point four million dollars a cocaine in his drum.
That's what I thought the direction was.
I was like, how could you get a ticket for one point four million buckaroos.
I also like that he's the one drug dealer who uses the imperial system that he's gone by a thousand. I got a thousand pounds. They're like, how many kilos is that. It's just like, that's a thousand pounds. Man, I'm not doing the math.
I don't know how many kilos it is.
Yeah, I don't understand kilos.
I'm not a math major, dude. I'm just running drugs at ninety miles an hour on I guess a two lane highway. That seems pretty reasonable.
That's what I say to my dad when he asked me about my taxes. Yeah, I'm an artist. I got one thousand pounds back here. Leave me alone, Papa.
I know, I know. I just did mine last week, I said I. And it is such a nightmare, I said to the poor My accountant is a very funny guy. We've talked about him a couple of times on the pod. But he uh, he like it's crunch time and he's working like till midnight this time of year because everybody that extended is now paying them, like all of us. And his poor receptionist or assistant called me and she's like, hey, you didn't sign one of the forms. And I kindly
was like, I'm so sorry. I'm home. I can scan it right now, I can send it your way. And as I'm doing it, I just say to her, I'm off handedly, I'm like, isn't this the biggest bullshit ever? She's like, what do you mean? I'm like, how isn't AI doing this? Like? How am I? Why am I doing this? Why doesn't it just look at everything and go you owe this much and then you scan your thumbs and then it's paid or whatever. No, what's crazy? You have to do? Like math?
The question is is why isn't it just everybody across the board just pays ten percent, and everybody pays ten percent across the recording corporations, everybody just pays ten percent, and then you just get rid of all this shit. It's so crazy.
If people did that, we would be we'd have more money for everything and everyone would be paying less.
I have no idea if any of that's true.
Oh my god, you should call the government because I feel like would change alf.
And would if Amazon paid ten percent. Boom, it's taken care of the Country's fine.
No potholes.
Ever, again, We're fine, that's it pays zero.
Well, the guy that brought that up, he ran for president, and it's Steve Forbes. He was like the air to the Forbes Fortune and all that stuff, and he was like flat tax. His whole thing was flat tax. Everybody should pay the same amount. But that guy looked like
a sneaky creep in a nineteen sixties movie. He had like a little side smirk and he had like the wrong kind of glasses and wavy rich person like we've all been sleeping with each other for ten generations hair, and he would be like flat tax, and everybody's like, no, you creep. I'd rather add my receipts up for four days and still get it wrong. And I miss him.
Yeah, well, Blair, where can people check out your.
Special Oh my god, guys, it's eight hundred pound Gorillas YouTube, but you can just google it. It's in the in the bio of all my social media pages, which are at blairsak BLA I R s Occi. I'd love it if you watch it. If not, that's cool too.
It's fantastic though. You gotta watch it. It's a great watch.
Yeah, that's so clun You guys are so nice.
Wow, Dark Bangers, it's so good.
Oh my god, I forgot to tell you this because it's preshy into this podcast. But you know the opening bit is about a tussle I had with the Mark Sargeant.
Ye.
Then he wrote me a twenty five paragraph email.
What he did sent him the bit? Yeah, yeah, he wrote, oh my, And at.
First, like he emailed me and it was like a really nice, like three sentence email where it was just like he's like, I thought it was so funny, like he was being such a good sport about it. He's like you well, and then I and I was like, god, what a nice guy, considering like I obviously made fun of him.
Whatever.
Then I read him back like thanks so much, thanks for having a great sense.
Of humor about it.
Then he writes me back like the twenty five paragraph email which he basically wrote a play which he called for. It was like he wrote for me to say on stage.
Now about flat earthers or about peoplelated Oh wow, that's but.
He's a quick creative guy, created a lot of ideas.
Well. The thing about flat earthers I don't get is what's the what's the point? What's the endgame? Like is it only to prove other people wrong? Is that the whole thing? Because there's no victory at the end of it, nothing gets better.
Well, also, I think when you make your identity around something it's really for anything in life, it gets real tricky because I remember when we interviewed him, he was saying, like, it's really a lifestyle, and like then he started going into like all the like just swaths of different type of merch they have or like flat and I was like, oh, this is like your business.
Yea, the cool flat earther sold just flat hats.
Just hats that just flat.
Like yeah, just flat, just cardboard with cloth on it that you just taped to the very top of your head.
Right, Like does Kyrie Irving when he sees a basketball, he just sees a frisbee.
Well, I just think it's.
So funny to like have some way out their idea and then to be reverse condescending to others about it, like like you, it's so gaslighting that it's honestly hilarious.
It comes back around to just the warmth of a gas fire at some point.
Yeah. But anyways, I just wanted to tell you that about mister Mark Sargeant because it was a while.
To my God got him.
Thank you, Blair, Thank you for being here so much.
Do you want to say bananas with us?
Yeah?
I Do three two one. Bananas is an exactly right media production.
Our producer and engineer is Katie Levine.
The catchy Bananas theme song was composed and performed by Kahon.
Artwork for Bananas was designed by Travis Millard.
And Our benevolent overlords are the Great Karen Kilgarriff and Georgia Hartstart
And Lisa Maggott is our full human, not a robot intern