Extreme Chores Switcheroo! with Ophira Eisenberg

Here we got scott Are you ready who.

I'm ready to laugh. I'm ready to laugh, and I'm ready to laugh.

This may be the most banana story we've done here.

It is say something oh exciting.

Get ready, America. Extreme ironing is here.

We're ready. I'm ready. It's the only thing that can possibly bring this country back together, one wrinkle free pair of doctors at a time. Let's get into it on a very extreme episode of Bananas.

From all the way around the world.

If you're stepping to the baby checking the bucks, switch about the money that doesn't thank you.

The baby checking the Bucks got this stretcher, the true.

Driving Bananas, Baby Banaa driving Me, Banda's baby, Banana's band Banana's Baby, Bananas, Banana Bena driving Me, Bandana's baby, Bananas.

Banana guys, gals, non binary pals. Welcome to Bananas. I'm Kurt Brown.

Older, I am Banana Boy number two. Scottie Landis. Thank you for listening to the silliest little podcast thereever was. We're gonna try to delight you for at least fifty minutes.

And just real quick before we bring our guests out. January twenty fifth, Folks, if you live in Los Angeles at the Bob Baker Marionette Theater, We're doing a live Bananas with live accompaniment by many marionettes who will be acting out sure our news stories and our personal stories. It's gonna be awesome. Tickets are going if they're not already sold out already, but go get them right now at our You can get them at our website Bananas

Scottie, I've never done a show with marionettes before, mean neither.

Here it is our guest today is a stand up an author and a regular storyteller on the Moth. She hosted NPR's Ask Me Another for nine years and now hosts The Very Funny Parenting is a joke podcast. You can hear stand up special, plant based jokes everywhere you watch and listen to things. Please welcome, ohf Your Eisenberg back to the show.

Yeah, Hello, I gotta tell you have you ever done at a puppeteer Because you're mentioning marionettes. Have you ever dated?

Oh have you?

I mean I figured one everyone has, but I certainly have. Yeah, I certainly have. And uh yeah, there it's a sort it's a specific.

I know a lot of puppeteers never dated one because I was like, they are very specific.

Very specific. It is interesting when you're like, I can't tell the story, but this piece of felt can. I mean, that's just that's a kind of person.

Yeah, I see. That is interesting that they express themselves through a miniature thing object animal person. That is a weird way to communicate.

Yeah, I have. I have found the puppeteers are a often very kind people, true and uh filthy, like just filthy, And every single one I ever met is a filthy person who loves to make puppet to do filthy, filthy things.

When they described relationship, this describes my relationship.

Well, I guess did you have to go to more than one of this person's performances like that? It's it's almost like dating somebody on an improv team when they're like, hey, do you want to see the show tonight and you're like, oh god no, only.

Yeah, not only that, we went to like the new Joke night of puppet Nights. What really this is? This is in Canada, So I don't think they really, I don't know. LA might be the place where you could find uh, you know, open open puppet night.

I don't think so. I love that there's a was this in Calgary.

No, it was in Montreal, which you know again like makes way more right because the French and a little bit more comedia de larte and clowning and they have a little bit more of a tradition.

Yeah, the amount that kent French Canadians it don't enjoy normal stand up, but do enjoy mimes and puppeteering is wild. It is wild.

Yeah. As soon as you're like, here's something personal that happened to me that I've like, I've spun my trauma into hilarious bits, They're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this does not go.

I was trapped in a glass box.

They're like, he's done again, none of his last box genius in Collab in Coab.

That big said, I love Montreal, what a town what.

I lived there for four years and it was the gift that is the biggest gift I gave myself.

You went to McGill. Sure did, Sure did, guessed it. I lived in the school what they call they what they what they strained actually called the student ghetto. Yeah, in Montreal. I lived there for like three months, no, you know, working yea, yeah, yeah, and it's a lot of it is very much. Every single person is a student.

Every yeah, exactly. And the bars around there serve well, I'm sure it's it's a little bit more expensive, but it used to be literally one.

Dollar drafts beautiful, one dollar beautiful, twenty dollars bill. You can just get together with the friend and make a night.

You left your point. Yeah, so happy, so happy. Yeah that's good.

Yeah, my god. But right now, I went on your website before you came on. I always do a slight amount of due diligence. And you're you're doing stand up in Aruba. I'm so jealous.

Sounds like a jet That sounds like a punchline. Oh, I usually, Well, this is my tour Turks and Caicos, the Maldives and then Aruba. Yeah yeah, so yeah. There's a guy Ray Allen who's a comic and he's been running a show in Aruba for I think he told me twenty years. I've haven't done it for twenty years, but I've done it a couple of times before.

And uh yeah, I mean what's hilarious is who is at your show? The it's the people who it's the Jet Blue Direct flights. So it's Boston, it's New York, it's New Jersey.

I'm basically playing the same people, but now they're in shorts and flip flops in Aruba.

Oh my god? And is it so? And are you are you in a like a hotel? Are you performing in a hotel?

Or where you basically?

He I mean, this is a this is a it's a restaurant that is part of the hotel. But they have a back room. I don't know what they were using it for before, but it's set up like a club, set up with the stage in cabaret seating and they have people giving people drinks coming around. It's like set up Perfectly's amazing.

Are you there with your family for a Thanksgiving week?

Not yet, they're coming, They're coming see you later. I did. I did advance them here by about four days because uh well, actually the truth is because my husband now has a job, so he didn't have a job for a while, so it used to be whatever, But now he has a job. So I was like, you come, you get when you get your time off, you can come and bring a child and bring a child with you. Until then, I'm FaceTime momming the old FaceTime mom.

Yeah, but actually enough you have a How old is your kid now? Seven?

Eight? Nine? He just turned nine.

Just traveling with a nine year old is a pleasure, a pleasure.

It's it's better.

Oh yeah, easy, no problem conversations. Here, have a book?

Yeah, book?

Yeah. He just got a Nintendo Switch for his birthday, so I was.

Old, that's what I okay, So is it exactly? I'm thinking nine might be our time for the Nintendo switch? Do you credit?

Yeah?

Yeah, of course. And I wanted to push way down the road, but that just it didn't seem like At a certain point, I was just like, I can't. I can't fight this fight. And I'll be honest, this sounds like an amazing mom, but don't don't take it that way, because I'm I'm just as much of a mess as anyone else. But I made him pay for it.

Oh that's awesome.

What at present?

What a great gift we.

Bought the games. We bought the games. Oh okay, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, because that's how they get you, right, it's not just a console, and then you got to buy all the games and they're not cheap.

Everybody.

No, I don't have any idea. How much is a video game on a switch? Fifty bucks? One hundred picks? Ye oh really?

Yeah?

Yeah. K and I are like two men who don't play video games. It's a rare thing these days. I have no clue, but they look beautiful when I'm in a store, I'm like, look, how beautiful.

And trust me, you guys. The fact that you're like two men that don't play video games. Because I have bought the switch, I have said to a stand up comic mail or two at a show something something, oh yeah, I just got my kid intended switch, and they're like, yeah, what games does he have? I'm like, wow, okay, I finally found an intersection for us to talk.

About my nine year old video games.

I had the weird experience. I've had this about hmm maybe five times where I'll get an email from an agent and they go, hey, this video game, somebody, some studio bought this. Do you want to write the movie based on this video game and I've never played it.

Really no, well that's crazy.

A gameplay, Yeah, do a ninety minute movie. It's I watched the New God of War or Gods of War, whatever it is. First off, again, beautiful. I'm like, this doesn't need to be a movie. This is already more fiatrical and cinematic. Yeah, it's gorgeous. But then you get like two hours in and you're like, man, I hope this guy wins. I hope this guy finishes this thing because I'm so invested now on these characters and their relationships. You're pretty impressive.

So you're crying, You're crying. I can't believe this happening.

The fact that there's so many now of TV of TV show slash movies that were video games and I won't even know, Like I watched on the plane, I watched Borderlands and I was like, was this a book? And it's like, oh, nope, it's a video game. At the end, I was like, okay, video game.

How about this. Someone I know was going to see music the other night in New York and I said, what are you seeing? And he goes, well, I don't know if this is gonna sound to you like something crazy, but it's really He goes, I'm gonna watch I'm gonna go to this jazz trio, but they just play video game songs.

WHOA, Well, okay, that might be all right. I mean, like composers write those songs.

Again, I know.

I mean I think some of the music is incredible, So I don't know if it's themes or yeah, but there you get.

I mean that would be horns.

The French horn Guy's like, yes, this is the finally, finally people care about me.

Speaking of this, I was doing a stand up show. This is an outdoor stand up show, oh yeah, in LA and it just so happened that night Saturday night down the block was a car show on one hand, and on the other hand it was like some other crazy event. So while we're doing stand up, the crowd

Oh sure, I've heard that, And so.

While you're trying to do stand up, it's just like, no, it was the worst situation to do stand up in.

That's only worst.

The only worst was when I did Bonaru and Kristin and I were doing it and they're all wireless mics and Nine Inch Nails was performing next to us and their audio started coming through our monitors, like the audio got like, I don't know, got up. So we had nine inch Nails coming at us in the monitors while we're trying to do a full stand up set for twenty minutes.

So I mean the amount of ways that stand up I mean, first of all, it's not like stand up has to be perfect, perfect scenario, but the amount of ways people can screw with stand ups to make the impossible because they're always like you could, you could just do it like anywhere, right, You're like, well not really, and then they're like, well, we're gonna give you every single possible challenge to make it impossible. Great, thank you.

Making, especially especially for a show I'm not being paid for.

Do you remember remember your Loser?

Oh?

Some sets that I'm like well paid for where I'm just like, I don't know, like every minute I think I make like a hundred bus and nothing create us. That's like a pretty good feeling. And then this was like, nope, let's hear about extreme ironing.

God, this is right up my alley. I have to tell you.

This was sent in by wander Woman.

Thank you.

Wonder You guys can send your stories to us at The Bananas Podcast on Gmail, on Instagram, and at Gmail. Sure but d m us on the Instagram.

That's happy to have you. Yeah, we checked that more.

This isn't The New York Times, Scott, have you heard of that?

I heard of that once. People are very torn. Now it's this wordle. Let's be real. Everybody plays wordle and everything.

Connections.

Yeah, fun, I've not paid connections, great lady. Yeah, this was by pam Bellock.

Best and you can really type that article.

It could be b Luck, It could be Pamby Luck, but I don't know here.

Pamby Luck sounds pretty good. Namby Pamby anymore, that's an old phrase. I'm bringing back namby Pamby unless I'm gonna google it before I bring it back. It could be extremely problematic, right, I.

Know, as soon as you google old terms, you're just like, oh no, this.

Is like namby Pampy's bath.

Clawing up ice crusted razor sharp mountain peaks can get a little boring and dangling upside down from a bungee cord over jagged cliffs's face it rather ho hum. But now there's a new way to add excitement, a dash of danger, the adrenaline rush of risk. Take along an ironing board, a sturdy steam iron, and a load of wrinkled shirts. It's not for the faint of heart, to be sure, but extreme ironing the marriage of activities like

I get it. This well push shirt is nice. When you see somebody with a real wrinkly, crappy shirt, you're like, this person's like sha oh yeah, and.

You're like, how did you don't look at yourself? You don't look at yourself, you don't even try. You're insulting us. You're saying we're not worthy of It's.

Like you just like you're missing a tooth. It's like, I'm going to take you eighty percent serious, but you have to address what's going on here.

I once chipped my front tooth that I had to do a show. And let me tell you something. Nobody thought I was smart.

Yeah.

Yeah. The sport was born seven years ago when a young man named Phil Shaw. I like that there's an inventor, Phil Shaw, and I think that there's one person came home from his job at a knitwear factory in Leicester, England. Is Leicester?

Said Leicester Lester? Sure, Lester, Yeah, he.

Nailed it, look at you and found himself face to face with a mountain of creased laundry, thinking that he would rather be rock climbing, mister Shaw took his ironing board out to his garden, attached his iron to a long extension court and pressed his pants. After that, he and his roommate Paul Cartwright did a quote a spot of ironing whilst rock climbing, mister Shaw said, while skiing the French Alps, and after scrambling to the tops of tall trees in the Black Forest of Germany, now countless

Yeah, a literation, the ponds, the wordplay. It's like we're doing wordle is.

It's like wordle inside here.

Very fun.

This week, mister Shawn, two fellow quote ironists make their first state side stop in Massachusetts. They ironed while kayaking in the Atlantic Ocean, while climbing in a Rockport rock quarry, and in Boston, while hanging off the side of a world War two amphibious vehicle known as a duck. But we all know the duck bun.

We know a duck boat.

Duck what New York Times, Come on.

Come on there, there's a tragedy every eight to twelve years on a duck boat. They're not that great or safe.

I love that they have to explain that to the average New York Times for that, it's like, well, I'm only used to sailboats and yachts, so what is this duck boat?

Yeah?

Also, I wouldn't call it a World War two amphibious vehicle. I'd tell it but a school bus. They cut in half and made slightly waterproof on the bottom.

Very true from.

A British person's point of view. You've never made it unless you've made it in America, explained mister shaw Is. He practiced an urban extreme ironing atop an ironing board pyramid in front of a Boston landmark Fenwill Hall. Maybe sure. There are about fifteen hundred ironists worldwide, mister shaw and some teams have corporate sponsors.

Quote.

Ariim is to have the level of recognition that it becomes an Olympic sport. And if you can have synchronized swimming and curling. I think extreme ironing has as much to offer. They're really distant on synchronized swimming and curling here. Well, uh, it would be the first Olympic sport in which the athletes did not use their real names. In order to avoid the ridicule of ridicule of our peers, mister Shaw and his compadres adopt pseudonyms. He wrote in a how

Cool silk, Oh, cool silk. That's right up my alley. Yeah, that's that's like, that is a villain. Okay, There's just that's one pragmatic thing I cannot follow in the story, which is, so are they plugging an iron in around? How do you do that?

Okay, good question.

It is the actual Okay, So there was an actual competition in Germany. We went off to get it and it says, the actual ironing does count. Iron Iss, mister Shaw wrote in his book, are sometimes so absorbed in getting themselves into some sort of awkward or dangerous situation with their ironing board that they forget the main reason they're there in the first place, to rid their clothing of crease and wrinkles. The quality of the pressing counts for sixty out of one hundred and twenty points. Style

Not that big of a priority. Speed twenty percent or twenty points. Nah, take your time wrinkles out.

You would do it right. I mean, I don't know how often you've ironed, but that is not a fast job. It's it's you cannot make that fast. If you make it fast, it looks worse.

Okay, here it is joy ironing. Ironing's not a chore. I like a good iron that doesn't bother me whatsoever.

Sometimes the ironess lug electrical generators, oh oh my god. But other times they heat their irons on portable gas stoves. A German ironist, doctor iron Q, has treated an iron with a chemical that heats up when water is applied.

Okay, this is new lenks This is hilarious too, because you know, most of American culture has gone to basically existing in pajamas twenty four to seven, right, that is the fashion. And if you put an iron too a pair of sweatpants, it will literally light on fire. It will melt maybe into molten lava and then or light on fire because it's basically ninely, it's just all synthetic and nylon. Even if they're caught and you're just gonna burn it, you can't iron that stuff. But this is different.

Yeah, I wish this is secret. That's my only I think this is awesome. I just wish I didn't know about it. Like I wish that this is a society of people who only did this for each other. I wish there's no social media about it. I just wish group of weirdos that loved ironing and doing extreme things

I can't go for it. And uh, and ironing boards are kind of specific, you know that is that's like, it's not you can't just manufacture one. I think we've all tried. I mean I have I've never.

Owned a good one, right, I can't. I will say that I had a great ironing board, and I've probably owned four in my adult life.

If I ever built a house, I guess I don't have to build a house to do it.

I don't have to.

In my mind, I was like, but if there's no way I could do it in my house, I have to build a house from scratch to have a dropped out ironing board on the way track I could just install on Never that.

Thing that is was like one of the major weapons and all cartoons. That was definitely gonna be used to hurt someone or kill someone.

Yeah, Tom and Jerry Goofy took a couple iron the head down or up.

You'd slam them in it. Yeah.

So this is the last thing I'll say on this guys, because this is shocking to me. Shirts have been pressed from Everest to the Brazilian rainforest on bicycles and scuba dives. One of the few American ironists got an iron shaped hole in a frozen lake in Wisconsin. Oh that's black and decker, quick and easy. Four one oh ironed a shirt underwater, but his shirt upon surfacing froze.

Great, wait till we find out ten percent of global warming is due to these ironists. Someone took it on Mount Everest. What they do?

That's the only reason to go to Mount Everest. In my opinion, I agree.

It's the iron I mean the poor people that are usually working Everest with these you know, jerk climbers that come by and you know when they hire, like a shirt, but like the person to be like, all right, carry all my stuff. And then you just see someone strolling by with an ironing board.

Strapped to their back. Not light.

I guess you could sled down, yes, yeah.

Warm your hands on the way up. Maybe that's the smartest guy going up.

And then you've had this these I mean, so okay, you have this incredibly pressed stuff and then what you're not you're pressing a shirt on top of Everest and then what you are you wearing it down like you could.

That's what that should be the requirement you should have to then change into the shirt post ironing it or pants.

Yeah, that's so funny. You just you come down out of a long hike with a nice iron pair.

Of slacks and fucking tie on button to the top.

She knows a ton of stuff collar.

I went up there and hiking shorts and he came down in a nice, perfectly iron pair of.

Slash Okay, you know what that I would be. I would applaud that. I would be like it. This is a new level. I love it. I love it. Some respect finally given to this.

I looked up Namby Pamby you guys and were fine to say it?

Okay?

From a poem a British poet named Henry Carey in seventeen twenty five. The poem was called namby Pamby and it is lacking energy, strength, or courage, feeble or timid, so you can we can say safely namby.

PAMs all right, bring people or timid?

Heard it a long time.

I think it's actually a.

Good name for a movie, for a movie, nam Pamby.

It's and maybe a video game movie. No, maybe it's one of these video games.

Okay, I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

What the extreme ironers.

We don't have them as a sponsor, so I don't mind talking about them, but that all of a sudden, that brand untuck It became a thing.

Oh yeah, you know what I'm.

Talking about your yeah where it's just like men, you know how you want to have an untucked shirt that's not too long. And I was like, boy, I have never had this problem. Apparently they're crushing it. It's like a big company.

Now, so stupid. It's so funny. It also is it reminds me of that I think you should leave sketch where they just have like a handle on the front of the shirt to pull it out from your stomach.

But don't you think that is that is all? Isn't it not all based on like you, uh, maybe have a couple pounds on you that you're not proud of. Dad bought untuck it.

Probably, Yeah, is that the whole bit?

You?

Yah, it's cool, don't worry. I guess men's I guess men's formal wear is very long to like fit into pants, I have to tuck it in, I suppose.

But tuck it in not anymore untucked. It's so great. Guys get untuck it, but are like you guess what's in right now? Belly shirts into it. Yeah, you can't tuck it in because it's goddamn too short, right.

I know that's right. Men should have to wear belly shirts. But nobody wants that either.

Nobody's asking for that. Not one person is asking for that.

If I did, I wouldn't stop just like playing my belly because.

I can't tapping it like a bottle.

Yeah, because I have like kind of two sides to it at this point. I have my dadbot has two sides, and it's a nice little My kids like to slap it. We've got It's the masculine.

That's the most masculine thing a man can have is his kids slapping his side belly for joy. There's nothing more masculine than that you've won. You're an outa. You finally got there, the one thing that you and I aspire so hard to be. We finally got there. Nothing more alpha than claiming you are in alpha. Okay, So Julia Peterson sent this in and I just thought you two might be the perfect people to discuss this. I know Kurt's been on parenting. It's a joke with Yufira.

This is that's a beautiful tale.

Yeah, I know, it's so good. I had to read this, and it doesn't seem he doesn't seem to be mine being hosed down after sweating hard playing soccer. He comes by daily and we just shoot the shit while I hose him, and he stands there for a bit. Wife told me I need to stop. Even after I explain to her that I'm making that, she said, I'm making us look childish and like idiots. I guess I could stop it. Honestly, it's really funny waiting for him to

Oh? I mean, like, it's so funny that this man does not understand children at all to think hosing a child down would make them stop coming. That is their faith. It's all they want, and the whole world is for someone to spray them with a hose Every child.

And you know how this movie goes, right, So this is the thing. Now they're pals. He becomes a sort of reluctant father figure, starts giving advice, and then one day that kid grows up and then we just see the guy with his host, just little drops coming from the nozzle because the kid has moved on.

But then he has a heart attack and the boy has now become a aarametic. And then the boy saves his life and he says and looks like, I got you wet this time.

Okay, sure could have gone fireman, we went the other way, could have easily put out his house at the end, but we're going that way. And it's called Namby Pamby, And that is so great.

I love it. I love the I love anything that involves, first of all, just there someone with malice, someone with a mean spirit. You know, it's like it's like a Grinch story right being broken down. But I like the idea that the kid just stood there and took it and doesn't it doesn't sound like he smiled or anything for a quantity of time.

Yeah, so that kid, this kid needs adult attention, is what I was like. I got out of it and again, you two are the parents. But to me, it felt like this kid was being a jerk to get attention, was just being like a little badass. And then when this guy called his bluff. Now he's trying to call that guy's bluff like I don't care getting sprayed, But deep all he wants is to talk to this guy. He just wants up an adult to think he's a great kid.

I'm pretty sure that that guy wants to talk to a kid and he can't admit it. That's why he was so focused on this kid, on it and his lawn.

Just let it go, dude, I am envisioning this entire movie right now. It's like, you pitch it as a combo of that Tom Hanks movie where he's like a curmudgeon and then becomes nice again. Do you know what I'm talking? A man called and that that movie based on the Raymond Carver short story with Will Ferrell where he's selling all of his everything must go, Everything must go. So it's a combo of those two. Yes, you get a Tom Hanks or you get a Will Ferrell to

All he has the lawn, right, the lawn. He works on the lawn and response right.

And so his because his son died. His son died, and now all he has is the lawn. That's it. That's how you have to start it.

Okay, you need to start it.

Okay, now we're moving into Disney territory. I like it.

I know they're so real. Oh man, I read a Man called Ove and I gotta say I always called a man called Auto was the movie, but the book was a man called Ove boy. I hated that book. It was so recommended to me, and I am the opposite of this character. Like I think people might have seen themselves in this, like things need to be a certain way. But you said it was a dollar seventy two and you only gave me six cents back, And

I have you know, I've been told by my wife that I have to stop getting brides dot com headlines tattooed. Yeah, boy, too many, I have too many?

Are they all positive though? Are they all really positive?

I just love brides dot Com. I actually took whatever came out that week and I'm done.

He loves tattoos, and he loves brides dot com, especially when they're written by the best journalists in North America, possibly the entire universe. Sarah Schreiber. Oh yeah, she's good. She's really good at what she does. Here's the headline. Bride'smaid finds out that bride had a last minute change of groom on her wedding morning.

Cannot wait too? What good is about? Okay?

Thombs ups.

I love that you have an alt, you have an understand ain't just ready to roll at any time. That's how weddings should be cast. You should be like, you're my maid of honor. But just in case, Stacy, you might step in a thing.

Yeah, thumbs up. A few of these are just our listeners. The Bananumals send us people or themselves that they want to give a big shout out to. So Zach Duffy wants to thumb his partner up with the biggest thumbs he has. Emily left her job at an art gallery to pursue her own career as an artist and printmaker. And she's the best. Her art is wildly popular and Zach just loves the daylights out of her. That's nice.

Thumb back face love is in the air all round.

Oh, it's very nice, very positive. Today Patrick Gould is thumbing himself way up for finally putting out a music video that he can be proud of. Patrick and his coworkers and work together, I know, put together to where and shoot this video. And if you want to watch this video and support musicians, you can check out Patrick's channel at Porridge Pants Jones at Pants Jones. I know these are all winners and last but not least, and this one's a feel good Jordan Reeser, thank you for

Uh huh.

One, you can adopt a dog from the Maui Humane Society and get it flown to the mainland with a program called Wings of Aloha.

Wow.

So Alaskan Airlines will fly your dog to the mainland from Maui if you see one on their website or whatever that you want to adopt.

Wow.

And two more likely for me, more likely for this old dog. If you can't adopt right now, but you're visiting Maui, you can take a dog for a day in their Beach Buddy program. So you could just take a dog to the beach with you'd spend a day in Maui with a great dog.

I mean, you know that this was my this was my business idea. You like it in nineteen ninety nine, Rent a dog, Rent a dog where you just you call them up, you tell them what time, and then someone rings your doorbell and you open the door and that only the dog is there. Like the dog came off okay, and that's great at the right time. You just let them out the front door and then someone like gets them. But I love is just as good.

I mean, I go to the dog biting someone. But anyways, that's just how my brain goes.

Well, because you're smart and you've lived life and you know that things go sideways all the time. That being said to have a jeep, to have a dog for days, that sounds like a great Aruba. I mean, you rent a dog, just grab a dog off here, walk a dog.

There are wild dogs all over the place. So yeah, there's.

All you need is a little handful of turkey and you got yourself a dog.

I work with you. Is this an adoption service? No? No, just attacking the tire of your rental car and you put them inside. It's funny. Years ago, I worked with like a huge influencer and creator. I think she's really big on TikTok, TikTok and Instagram. Her name is Amanda Cerni. She worked on a show as an actress and she did a very good job and she's a very beautiful woman.

And you're like trying to be nice. You're like, you could wear a shirt She's like, I was just gonna like show as much boob as I could. You're like, that's what we wanted to say that, but we can't. But we can't, so thank you for saying it.

It's exactly how it went down. And also the stylist was a gay man named Jerry, and so he's like, I brought these looks for her so she's comfortable. I'm like, yes, we wanted to be comfortable because she's gonna be on

Just you know what I would have shot back, Well, they do call it the small, happy, small island, all right, So.

Yeah, that's what you want to do, and then go, let's roll cameras out.

Use that, use that, use that, Scotty.

You're not directing this show. Here we go. Emily Fabian sent this in Bride'smaid finds out that the bride had a last minute change of groom on wedding morning.

I'm very excited to hear about this.

Something will go wrong or wry on your wedding day, but usually these mishaps are minor blips, an incredit take flavor. I know Sarahs gets right to the fucking corn. She's been around brides dot com for a lot of weddings and a lot of divorces. Blabb blah blah. No, but most things, none of your guest notices at one wedding. A few years ago, however, a crew of bridesmaids was flabbergacid when the bride, a close friend, decided to marry

Okay, so there's they're in their twentiesenties and like say, just out of college.

Yeah, yeah, first and the.

Friend ready just settle down, clearly.

That's when you know who you are.

You've made all your mistakes. You're ready just to like, you know, I'm done with partying. I'm done with messing around.

Yeah, stay inside, get comfortable. That's when things started to get a little strange. February arrived and the bride'smaids still hadn't received a wedding invitation or big the instructions from Sarah. The poster reached out as to the maid of honor, who noted that the process had been disorganized and that the couple decided to skip paper invitations and stick to email to save money. Honestly, smart. Yeah, absolutely, just text me, tell me when and what you want me to wear.

Send me a magnet at best, give.

Me a magnet. I'll be there in my untucket shirt and my wrinkled pants. Switch. Then, three weeks before the wedding date, the brides maid reached out and was told I was reached out to and was told to buy a lilac colored dress. Apparently the bride decided to skip a bacherette party due to budget constraints as well, so all we had to do was show up at the communicating time at the wedding, and we all found it

I think that's where it gets worse. I'll be honest with you. The bride'smaid's not being a different in the same color.

I think it's.

Maybe a minor er point that the groom being jettison at the last moment it was in magenta. This not a single gingham to be found.

How do I make this more about me today? Wow?

Wow?

It turns out nobody dared to explain on the phone, and must have most of the bride'smaids learned about the change of groom at the wedding. Only Sarah's parents, siblings, and the mother the moh knew about it. Okay. The bride's maid introduced herself to the new groom, who was John's opposite in every way. She said, just ten minutes before the ceremony, which marked a very awkward wedding day, I had no idea who he was or why he was marrying my friend who less than three months ago

Wow, I love Sarah so much. I am team Sarah.

Good for you.

You.

I am team Sarah. And I will put one hundred thousand dollars on the fact that they are no longer mad.

That's right, that's right since March shorty twenty four.

I mean nothing. I love the idea of just like, right, the little you know, breadcrumbs that were left along the way. Do I really want to put this person's name in print on an invitation? No? I do not, you know, I do not. Do I really want to? Yeah? Exactly, it's all it was all happening, and the fact that there was clearly the only thing they had was a space. It was the only thing they probably put money down, right, Yeah,

Budget. She's just like, look, I'm not losing money, so I would prefer to get married, make a life changing decision.

I'm going to American and.

Lose this five thousand dollars deposit I've put down just to.

Be the first in her friend group. She wanted to be number one in the friend group by having the strangest She set the bar so low or so sideways, maybe just she said it sideways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the poster says, sorry, if you're going ahead, No.

I think I think most weddings. I'm sort of against the whole ridiculousness of a wedding. So if anyone messes with it, I'm like, yeah, good for you. Take this dumb institutional celebration down. Take it down with you.

So so much money, so much money. Okay, here's how it all came out. So the poster didn't learn the full story until after the reception after a few drinks loosened. The maid of honors. Sarah had met Michael. That's the new girl.

We get the details. This is oh yeah, correct, Wait, I forgot what I was listening to. This is brides dot com. You're gonna do a good job.

Oh it's gonna be soup to nuts at brides dot com. Sarah had met Michael at a new office job, and they were already together by the time John had proposed to Sarah and started paying for the house. Sarah canceled their engagement at the end of January, when, wait for it, guess she was pregnant.

Oh yeah, that's right, so maybe the marquee.

Sarah's parents found out about Michael a month before the wedding, and that she was pregnant a week before the wedding.

Oh Sarah is screwed.

Oh yeah, maybe, Wait, this is what if you're twenty four, just.

Wait a little bit, just wait, or use a condom.

Yeah, use condoms. Honestly, get a suck to me. If you're young, who cares? Just go get it? Just save yourself.

All there's enough people.

There's plenty of people. Everybody already has a doppel Gang route there that you don't need to replicate Sarah's parents. Oh yeah, a week before, and that is why there was no bachelorette party, as she was feeling sick and tired all the time. Oh yes, Sarah did not tell anyone that she had kept the dress, the party venue, there you go if you're a and everything, as nothing

Also, it's so interesting that it would have been such an easy email to send to all the bridesmaids. You just feel like your friends quick heads up?

Remember Sean, what a wild a like?

Subject line? Plans have changed?

Yeah?

Nice? Something nice? And oh, plans have changed? Oh are we? Are we?

Now?

You know?

Is part of it going to be outside? Is there not going to be a cocktail hour? Oh?

No?

Who you think is Sarah is not Sarah? Sarah is not. Oh. I love that the friend was not involved in any of this, didn't know if her friend was. You're not you're not friends.

Let's just be enough friends. You're not frot friends.

And I think, like Kurt said, you know, in your early twenties, I certainly went to a lot of weddings, and I was in a few weddings with people I have not spoken to and oh, of course years, maybe longer. And it is that thing where you're like this is a big deal, and you're like absolutely, And then when you go back to your hotel and you watch TV, you're like, I'm so happy to be back at this hotel and not not over there hanging out anymore, and

I got I got married. I mean, I'm still with the guy, but I got married for a green card. And when we we just went to city Hall and I kept it secret. But I decided last minute that I was wanted a dress, just like a dress, and so I went to Anthropology, which at the time that seemed to me like a very like kind of an exorbitant purchase for me to get like a sun dress.

Oh my god, that's so crazy.

And I was I was like it is, and she goes, well, you're getting a great deal on a wedding dress, but she was not happy.

Yeah.

Oh wow, what.

A weird projection onto you.

I always considered her my mate of honor.

That's right. Didn't you dress like a boy scout for to witness a wedding at a courthouse or something? I thought you?

Yeah, we did, did Yeah right, yeah, yeah yeah. Me and Nick Perr, dresser for Avertina and Joe's wedding that we were all. It was just too It was just them and two boy scouts.

It was great. It's great, on my honor, on my honor.

So good, just and and Nick and Curtis sitting they're not smiling and boy scout costs. Oh, uniforms. It's so good.

Oh you were like, don't smile. And it is a very funny photo.

I'll just let you know that Mikel and Sarah still married and they have five children absolutely love each other. Bah bah, John's depressed. Obviously it's Sarah blah blah.

We all think, yes, so this was like ten years ago, Yes it was.

And she said that she she does see the bride occasionally, but they're no longer close friends. Well, there you go. Of course.

Yep, that's amazing, that's amazing. Well, I hope Sarah is happy.

I hope she is of coarse.

Sarah took life by its horns. Yeah, and she said, we're going to do it my way.

You know, five children, it's fifty to fifty if she's happy or not.

I'm tired, tired, losted. I mean this wool.

They really can't use a condom. They really the furthest.

Yeah, she has powerful seed. Okay, I'm so sorry that that that that woman's womb is incredible. There we go, Thanks you.

She's got a tough vagina. Can I just tell you that last night someone paid me a compliment about my vagina. It was a woman, she said, because I said on stage, how I have some jokes about having a kid, and she said she came up to me and she was like, oh, good for you for having a nine year old. She goes I'm a pediatric nurse and I was like, oh, thanks, And she goes, did you have a cesarean? And I go no, and she goes, You've got a good vagina.

Nice, so nice.

I think coming from a pediatric nurse, it's like you can't get better.

Right, That's top of the mountain.

There you go, Me and Sarah, Me and Sarah. That's how I relate to this bride.

I mean, what a nice way. And now you have something to say. You're thankful for a couple of days. It's good for you.

Thanks, gratitude, gratitude everybody, oh fear.

Where can everybody find you?

Plug?

You can find me. Please listen to my podcast parenting as a joke. You can hear Kurt on it. Maybe Kurt we'll come back. Maybe I'll try to convince him to stop on by, and you could find that wherever you find your podcast. You can follow me at Ophira e everywhere except for Instagram, where I am at Opira NYC for reasons that now seem problematic, but.

Anyways, is a great name though. It's one of those great names that I googled Ofiara and you were the first website to pop up, like before I didn't have to search for even your full name, and I was like, that's good marketing. See, so now you're just the one a fear in all of New York City in my mind.

Yeah, we just got to get people to spell it and pronounce it right and we'll be right on track.

Hira in the house, it's Oprah. I get that.

I get that, you get Oprah, I get Oprah, I get oh pie Hirah. That's when you just literally say every single letter in my name as if they had equal value, oh hirah. And then some people just go Ophelia. It's like, are you even looking at the letters? Yeah, no, you just went with something else. Altogether.

We're not well for coming back on. It was a joy to have you, joy Aruba, I thank you.

I'll say hi to uh. I'll try to find the person that owns most of it.

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