Why Vulnerability Makes Better Art & The Thing About Falling - Tank Ball

00;00;00;00 - 00;00;22;17 Speaker 1 Hello and thank you for listening. Welcome to the Baldwin and Go podcast. We are a bookstore and coffee shop in New Orleans serving up intellectual stimulation every single day. And I invite you to stop by anytime you are in the city or area. My name is DJ Johnson and I am the founder and CEO of Baldwin and Co. 00;00;22;19 - 00;01;05;15 Speaker 1 And today we have another phenomenal show for you today. We have Terry on a tank ball who is a poet, vocalist and founding member of the Grammy Award winning band tank in the bangas. They are celebrated for blending spoken word, music and emotional vulnerability into a distinctive or his voice. And she's joined in conversation with Second-year icon Sibley, who is a poet, a cultural thinker, and a creative conversationalist whose work centers around black black expression, emotional honesty, and the power of dialog to deepen understanding and connection. 00;01;05;18 - 00;01;32;22 Speaker 1 It's a fantastic conversation, and in this conversation between Tank and Icon, it feels like this sitting feels like you're sitting in on an honest, laughter filled exchange between two people who trust the truth enough to say it out loud. Tank. She opens up about her poetry collection. Her new book, The Thing About Falling. We haven't got the book yet. 00;01;32;28 - 00;01;55;17 Speaker 1 Make sure to go to Baldwin and Code. Get the book. You can order online or you can come inside the shop. Amazing book of poetry. And what tank does. In this talk, she explains how this book marks a real shift from her earlier poetry book, vulnerable AF, which you can also get from Baldwin, a company online, a website of just Baldwin and Co books.com. 00;01;55;24 - 00;02;25;13 Speaker 1 So make sure you pick both of those up and tank. In this conversation, she talks about falling as something that's never intentional, but something you survive based on who or what is there to catch you. The dialog it names longing, confusion, and vulnerability in a way that feels grounding and reminding listeners they're not alone in feeling exactly the way that they feel. 00;02;25;15 - 00;02;44;29 Speaker 1 So it's a spectacular conversation, one that I am very excited for you to listen to. So as always, please like, subscribe. And if you haven't already shared this conversation with at least one person that you know, let's get into it. Enjoy the conversation. 00;02;45;16 - 00;02;59;26 Speaker 2 So welcome, everybody. How y'all feeling? Welcome to the Baldwin books and to the release of the second book of my good friend. 00;02;59;29 - 00;03;04;24 Speaker 3 Hey, my motto is, I really, like, be surprised. 00;03;04;26 - 00;03;10;06 Speaker 2 The beautiful I could. There's so many things I can say outside of Grammy award winning. 00;03;10;08 - 00;03;12;00 Speaker 3 So. 00;03;12;02 - 00;03;32;08 Speaker 2 I would say bestselling author, because I don't know how many copies vulnerable have sold, but I'm okay. Yes, it was a whole lot, especially after that. Grammy, now the author of her second book of poetry, The Thing About Falling, y'all, do you know how hard it is to write a book? I don't know if any of you ever written a book before I read the book. 00;03;32;11 - 00;03;45;03 Speaker 2 It's a pretty hard thing, but I want y'all to clap it up for the lady of the day of our other century of a decade of this lifetime with Syriana saying, oh, y'all can do. 00;03;45;03 - 00;03;46;14 Speaker 1 Better than that. 00;03;46;16 - 00;03;49;22 Speaker 2 Let the people off the street know why I ain't here. 00;03;49;24 - 00;03;51;22 Speaker 1 Got I got so blessed, Lord Jesus. 00;03;51;23 - 00;04;09;26 Speaker 2 It's a celebrate, not a celebration, but it's a celebrate because it's a verb and we won't keep on doing it. I am so honored that I get to sit up here of all people and have this conversation with my friend because we have sat in a room together. Y'all don't know who I am. I am Andrea icons. 00;04;09;27 - 00;04;40;03 Speaker 2 Sibley. Y'all could do better than y'all clap, but I'm. So I'll be out here acting all cute and whatever to say in church. Although you may get a good word and your spirit may be moved. But we have said, and we're always together writing poems, editing poems, sitting on stages together in mirrors, practicing in hotel rooms, in gyms, in mirrors, practicing to win championships, in poetry slam. 00;04;40;06 - 00;05;06;03 Speaker 2 And now to see the full circle. I will say full circle because the circle ain't complete yet. There's still a lot left to achieve. But to see your name now on the books, when our names just used to be inside a composition notebook is. I'm a person who usually has a lot of words, but I don't have a lot of words right now because I'm a very small person. 00;05;06;05 - 00;05;08;22 Speaker 2 But I want to get into this. I want to get into. 00;05;08;28 - 00;05;09;05 Speaker 3 What. 00;05;09;12 - 00;05;14;15 Speaker 2 Is the process. So we started out with vulnerable and I'm here, y'all got a copy of this? 00;05;14;15 - 00;05;16;13 Speaker 3 But one. 00;05;16;14 - 00;05;16;29 Speaker 1 Thing's. 00;05;16;29 - 00;05;41;27 Speaker 2 God. So a lot of fun fact when Saint wrote wrote this book, she invited me to go on book tour with her to share this work, and I put out a book with my own call. My name is pronounced holy if you don't have a copy of that. But the journey from being vulnerable a so the thing about falling, what do you feel like was the difference in the process? 00;05;41;27 - 00;05;54;26 Speaker 2 If there was a difference in a process of sharing, because you continue to be vulnerable in all of your work. But what do you feel like was the difference? Is the difference in the process that you went through writing both of these? 00;05;54;26 - 00;06;20;14 Speaker 1 But let me say, I think the first time that I will vulnerable if I wrote it to one person and I gave it only to him because I wanted him to know that somebody love joy is, you know what I'm saying? So I never, ever had any idea to put it out there into the world. And, when Covid hit, it was like, okay, this is the time I got his blessing and and I gave it to the world. 00;06;20;14 - 00;06;36;00 Speaker 1 And but him first. And the difference with this one is I just documented my feelings. Just period is documenting my feelings with no, not trying to give them to anyone. Probably just give it to myself and let everybody know that you just not alone in your feelings. 00;06;37;00 - 00;06;52;23 Speaker 2 So in your process, because you're a very busy woman, if y'all don't keep up with her on social media, I know that she is always on the road somewhere. I don't ever really know where my friend in town until she does well, randomly text me and she will text you at the last minute to be like, what? You hey, let's go. 00;06;52;25 - 00;07;14;29 Speaker 2 But I'm wondering, what is your process like when you're writing on the road? Like, is it in between faith? Was this something that you've been writing for years, or is this something that you just like put together over the course of the past year? Because I know a lot has changed between relationships and between, you know, accomplishments and whatever. 00;07;15;01 - 00;07;21;00 Speaker 2 What is your process for writing when putting together a book? Or do you just have a notebook or you just grab a bunch of stuff you like? I think this book. 00;07;21;03 - 00;07;22;25 Speaker 1 Is like, really, when a plane don't have no. 00;07;22;25 - 00;07;24;24 Speaker 3 Wi-Fi. 00;07;24;26 - 00;07;34;10 Speaker 1 And I just, I'm really kind of forced to sit in it, you know, I got to sit in it. And that's mostly when it come or when I, you know, when I feel fully. Oh. And I feel fully that they ain't got to. 00;07;34;10 - 00;07;37;14 Speaker 3 Right. They haven't got it. 00;07;37;16 - 00;07;53;09 Speaker 2 I've heard this saying that a lot of people say they're writers when everything is calm and chill and whatever, like you really don't put out too much work, but when like you're in this emotion or whatever, like then all the work just kind of stars pouring out the streets. 00;07;53;09 - 00;07;59;07 Speaker 1 Is like when you feel play but say, hey, but why does it be like when you feel play, get it out, show you. 00;07;59;13 - 00;08;18;09 Speaker 2 Because you're not as a me. This is true. You need to go all market day. You get out. There's a meanness. There's something about, Whenever you I. I'm misquoting you. Whenever you become a poet. You date an artist, a data poet. Just expect to be the subject of a poem. So be very, very careful how you want it. 00;08;18;09 - 00;08;34;15 Speaker 1 You who told me, though? It depends on you, on how you want to be written about. That's true. You know what I'm saying is, is going to be a happy ending. How you want the character to be portrayed because, you know, dating somebody like us, it will go to the notebook, then to the stage, then to publication. 00;08;34;15 - 00;08;52;29 Speaker 2 And we and we get and the into the portal. Okay. The into the world. And we're both Virgos. If people don't know that me and sage birthdays are about a week apart. She was taken on the 10th. Y'all remember? Put that in your calendar. September 2nd, September 10th. We expect presidents like Ariana. And so we can be very petty. 00;08;53;01 - 00;09;11;21 Speaker 2 But I want to go on the journey. Patti LaBelle. Respect the despitefully. So this book takes us. It's in three parts. How many people have your column? Guess. Look here, you have your copy. Oh, thank you guys. And I'm guessing you had a chance to read it, but I'm fortunate I got an advance copy, so I had a chance to read. 00;09;11;22 - 00;09;24;06 Speaker 2 Did you like you for I loved you. Thank you, I love you. One thing I do love about saying, too, is you're able to write about love in a way that I, at my ripe old age, have not been able to conjure up the words. 00;09;24;07 - 00;09;31;13 Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. Oh, but your first album, your poetry album was so amazing and I feel like you really depicted your relationship beautifully for. 00;09;31;17 - 00;09;34;12 Speaker 2 Because it couldn't be wrong. What you feel may. 00;09;34;14 - 00;09;35;26 Speaker 1 Well, I feel need. 00;09;35;28 - 00;09;57;22 Speaker 2 But this takes us through a journey in three parts. It's kind of it's the X then kind of like the feeling and then like the love that you've been waiting for, so to speak. So I want to know what made you break it up into those three parts instead of like the initial one was just to the ex. 00;09;57;24 - 00;10;03;14 Speaker 2 What made you say, I'm going to talk about this whole journey towards this new person now? 00;10;03;16 - 00;10;21;11 Speaker 1 Well, because the feelings with him, the first chapter really is the feelings I thought I threw away. Because I still had a little residue from that relationship, but I did move on to someone else, and then I moved on to someone else. So I just had to talk about it because they both were. They all were very significant to me, honestly. 00;10;21;11 - 00;10;32;14 Speaker 2 Yeah. You you love, you will fill in, not you, but we will fill in in between instead of sometimes giving ourselves the space. So he'll go, yes. 00;10;32;14 - 00;10;34;01 Speaker 1 And you can transport feelings. 00;10;34;01 - 00;10;35;23 Speaker 2 Yeah, you really can. 00;10;35;23 - 00;10;43;17 Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? You find yourself falling in love very quickly. But that's really because you kind of weren't done cooking that pot. Or if you. 00;10;43;25 - 00;10;46;11 Speaker 2 Had a little slow, you can't move it or a big. Some say. 00;10;46;14 - 00;10;50;10 Speaker 3 You. Yeah. 00;10;50;12 - 00;11;04;01 Speaker 2 So what was then the journey do you feel like with the way you practiced self-love initially to where you grew, like how did you grow into the person who felt then deserving of this? 00;11;04;01 - 00;11;10;00 Speaker 1 Oh man, I think we all kind of need the in-between guy. Honestly. Because in the. 00;11;10;02 - 00;11;12;06 Speaker 3 Womb. 00;11;12;08 - 00;11;30;28 Speaker 1 Because in the in between guy, there's in between time and honestly you you need people to teach you how to love yourself and them. And then you always know in your next relationship you like, I'm gonna do better. That's what I'm gonna do. But as time, I learn lessons from there when and I and I could never have went from this one. 00;11;31;00 - 00;11;39;18 Speaker 1 So this last one over here, I had to have this middle person, honestly, to teach me some things. Yeah. He told me something. 00;11;39;21 - 00;11;42;18 Speaker 2 Why the thing about falling. 00;11;42;21 - 00;11;53;06 Speaker 1 Because when you fall is never on purpose. Never on purpose. But, it's so good to have arms that can catch you when you do. 00;11;53;09 - 00;11;54;13 Speaker 3 Yeah. 00;11;54;16 - 00;12;11;26 Speaker 2 Where also I've always y'all for a fifth. No, I have always known things to be this. I won't call you a hopeless romantic. I'm gonna say a hopeful romantic because she is always so full of hopeful that love me, on the other hand, I'm. I think I'm more of a cynic. I'd be. 00;12;11;26 - 00;12;15;07 Speaker 3 Like, well, horrible. 00;12;15;09 - 00;12;40;03 Speaker 2 Where did that fascination, with love love come from? I feel like I know the answer. If you listen closely to any of our other work, I think you might have talked about it in rollercoasters or y'all being disrespectful out there, Mister Truck. Thank you. But I feel like I know the answer, but where did this idea and this fascination in this, child. 00;12;40;03 - 00;12;53;27 Speaker 1 Mind like two things. Like Disney, of course. Like, what do they lied to us? Like they sold to us. And then, just reading so many romance novels, I used to work at the nursing home, be a, be a receptionist, and, you. 00;12;53;27 - 00;12;56;01 Speaker 3 Forget, like, I can't, I, you. 00;12;56;04 - 00;13;16;14 Speaker 1 Know, I just was a receptionist. I wasn't, you know, I wasn't the senior anything. But now I just took care of the front of the desk, and, you know, they had a lot of books, a lot of books, a lot of romance novels, and. Oh, my gosh, I just love reading them. I just love read them over and over and how their language was about love and about falling in love and even about making love. 00;13;16;20 - 00;13;25;26 Speaker 1 They weren't. So, I anybody that came out, you know, like, God damn it, that vow, you know, that was just that was delicate with it. And I just I just love that y'all know what. 00;13;25;26 - 00;13;27;25 Speaker 2 It was a once. 00;13;27;28 - 00;13;28;22 Speaker 3 Y'all know what it was. 00;13;28;22 - 00;13;29;27 Speaker 1 They words. 00;13;30;00 - 00;13;53;27 Speaker 2 Y'all know. Yeah, yeah I know it is. Reno's angles. I'm telling a pastor Mosey. Y'all in here look like y'all. You deaconess is helping and reusing which is sitting in between a Bible like that. Definitely not. John 316. I thought you were going to say, your grandparents. Oh. 00;13;54;04 - 00;13;56;27 Speaker 3 Nah, nah. Oh, it was. 00;13;57;00 - 00;13;58;02 Speaker 2 You on a long on. 00;13;58;03 - 00;14;17;01 Speaker 1 It. If anything, my grandmother made me scared of love because I saw my grandmother be, an amazing wife. I saw a beautiful marriage. But I also saw a woman that sacrificed a lot. And she was an extremely submissive. And I will never forget the day that my grandmother put a meal in front of my grandfather face. And he said, I. 00;14;17;01 - 00;14;18;16 Speaker 3 Don't want this. 00;14;18;18 - 00;14;39;14 Speaker 1 Then she said, what? What you want, daddy? He said, I like some cornbread and I'd like some chitlins. Then I weighed, mama, you just got to accept that and ever since I saw that moment, I always thought that marriage meant giving up myself to clean a man's boots like that. I just that's just the way I saw it. 00;14;39;14 - 00;14;58;16 Speaker 1 I just saw it as being really sacrificial, and it made me honestly very scared of marriage, even though I loved what they had. But I was I was scared of it because I didn't want to be that. I didn't want to be that woman. But I have learned that with the right person, you just don't mind making the chili. 00;14;58;19 - 00;15;00;17 Speaker 2 And the garlic bread. 00;15;00;19 - 00;15;04;14 Speaker 3 Corn bread. 00;15;04;17 - 00;15;08;19 Speaker 2 What is your favorite poem in this whole. 00;15;08;19 - 00;15;10;09 Speaker 3 Oh, the favorite. 00;15;10;09 - 00;15;12;08 Speaker 2 One. That is hard. 00;15;12;11 - 00;15;27;23 Speaker 1 Oh my goodness. Oh my. It's so short. It's so short. Y'all hear? It's calling. It's just this is this call. It is just better her than me. And that's the bowl. 00;15;27;25 - 00;15;29;05 Speaker 3 The end. 00;15;29;08 - 00;15;29;27 Speaker 2 The end. 00;15;29;27 - 00;15;39;09 Speaker 3 Thanks. So I'm saying that what do you take that, would you. Well. 00;15;39;12 - 00;15;42;10 Speaker 3 You didn't think that I was going. I was like. 00;15;42;10 - 00;15;44;08 Speaker 2 I got one in my head that I feel like this. 00;15;44;08 - 00;15;46;00 Speaker 1 Would. You thought I was going to give you back? 00;15;46;00 - 00;15;47;06 Speaker 2 Favorite one? I don't. 00;15;47;06 - 00;15;48;09 Speaker 3 Know. 00;15;48;11 - 00;15;50;12 Speaker 2 But I thought it was going to be like, in a line. 00;15;50;12 - 00;15;51;13 Speaker 1 Like it at last, because I'm. 00;15;51;13 - 00;15;52;00 Speaker 2 Happy. 00;15;52;02 - 00;15;55;21 Speaker 3 With you. 00;15;55;23 - 00;16;15;29 Speaker 2 So I want to read a line out of one of the bowl, like the just the first line. Okay. And this was a shocker. This if you ain't got the book by now and by somebody. But this line should make you you got children in here. Y'all shouldn't be here. No way. No. Okay, we talking about love. A letter to my ex. 00;16;16;01 - 00;16;38;23 Speaker 2 This is very vulnerable. Yeah, plus these straight X series. Her body want to be grabbed next as lack attention. Given. Lord, don't even talk about attention. But I need you to meet my standards. They're not impossible. That's some vulnerable time, old Zayn. And right. 00;16;38;23 - 00;16;40;26 Speaker 3 There, all you. 00;16;40;26 - 00;16;45;28 Speaker 2 Gotta do is add a few descriptors in there and we got a would you ever write? 00;16;46;00 - 00;16;49;28 Speaker 3 Oh man. I mean, I'm maybe. 00;16;50;00 - 00;17;11;25 Speaker 1 Right. Maybe to who knows. But I think that that's a one of those moments when you're trying to get over someone and not go back and not go back. And once you start messing with somebody and you become intimate with them, you don't want to share yourself with everyone. So in those moments of me just being alone and trying not to go back for seconds, those were the things that I experienced. 00;17;11;25 - 00;17;22;11 Speaker 1 Like them, I would. I need my intimacy. I'm used to it now and I'm used to the attention from this particular person. And right now, just being alone is difficult. 00;17;22;13 - 00;17;24;25 Speaker 3 Yeah. 00;17;24;28 - 00;17;27;04 Speaker 2 It was interesting for me to read that because. 00;17;27;07 - 00;17;28;04 Speaker 1 Because you have you have. 00;17;28;09 - 00;17;55;29 Speaker 2 LBC and tank is my love take on you go do that. Yeah. No, but I had to because again being vulnerable and I feel like writing if you're not a writer, I feel like writing is one of the most vulnerable art forms that you can express. Like there's dancing, there's sculpting, there's painting, there's whatever. But writing is just you, your words, your thoughts, a piece of paper, a typewriter, whatever you use to write your poems, I. 00;17;56;01 - 00;18;12;28 Speaker 1 Can't just put a piece out there. Does anybody else raise their hand? Whoever filled that last letter to my ex? Okay. Thank you, thank you. Don't help me feel alone about. Yeah, but it's written in, letter to my ex is in between the chapters. All of them are letters to my exes. 00;18;12;28 - 00;18;41;02 Speaker 2 Yeah, and I love the illustrations. In the books, this book as well, because I think sometimes we lose. We get so adult like and so caught up in love and whatever that, we forget the chat like to be childlike in the process of being in love. And I think that's what is part of our problem is we get so serious and so whatever that we forget to like, have fun with our mates to take it as something playful, that we're just all still children. 00;18;41;02 - 00;18;59;15 Speaker 2 At the end of the day, we pay and bills and whatever. But you're not a totally different person from Siriano who was watching Disney. You just got a little older, a little full or a little wiser, a little whatever, but you're still the same. We're still those same children learning how to love ourselves and how to love others, each other in the process. 00;18;59;15 - 00;19;18;21 Speaker 2 So I think when we stop taking it so seriously and include the pictures in the books because we grow old, we can still have visuals. And it doesn't have to be all these wordy words and, you know, big words and serious and these long, drawn out poems. Sometimes people just need to say better. Part of me. 00;19;18;24 - 00;19;39;09 Speaker 1 I really feel that way with, with like, because when we use the slam, I feel like you had to be current on events, know what's going on in the Bible, know what's going on on the news, right about to hit them hard, talk about the community. And I always I always love there. Obviously we did our research and everything, but when it came down to just matters of the heart and going inside of myself, I found that to just be the most freeing. 00;19;39;09 - 00;19;51;07 Speaker 1 And I kind of like to be in that space. And I that's how I treat my books like, I don't I don't have to have all the facts about what's going on in the world. I could just this is a world inside. This is a universe. And I and I'm tapped into that. 00;19;51;07 - 00;19;53;06 Speaker 3 Well, okay, so. 00;19;53;06 - 00;20;04;10 Speaker 2 Speaking of the illustrations and everything, who did you collaborate with to get this beautiful work done and out into the world? My boyfriend. 00;20;04;13 - 00;20;25;25 Speaker 2 What? Children do not. What is it? I don't know, it's been going through the brain catering. We all do the wrong thing. Going this way. Slacking. Come on. Yeah. All right. Already. Speaking of things, they've been out as well. They already were. I'm gonna ask, I guess, one more question about the book, and then I want to ask you, like, I want to go back in the archives. 00;20;25;27 - 00;20;46;19 Speaker 2 This is like, What do you feel like? You want people to leave this book? Like, when they sit it down? What do you want them to leave feeling, knowing whether that's knowing more about themselves or about you. Syriana. Thank bow wow. 00;20;46;22 - 00;21;05;02 Speaker 1 That is such an interesting question, because before I was writing, I wanted people to know that I don't know this because I have a lot of followers. Check behind your name that you can still get by, or you can still feel away, or you can still be insecure, or you could still feel, you could even let somebody, play with you, you know what I'm saying? 00;21;05;04 - 00;21;22;01 Speaker 1 All that stuff is very, very possible. And that as you evolve into your partizanship and your womanhood, their, you know, they still got a lot of surprises around the corner. And, and I love that part as well, you know, and that just came to me. So that was for God. That was from Jesus. 00;21;22;04 - 00;21;23;10 Speaker 3 It was. Yeah. 00;21;23;12 - 00;21;35;28 Speaker 2 Oh, he's going to you is I want to go back to my, poetry to say, so, we got to pick a yeah, the air. 00;21;36;00 - 00;21;37;17 Speaker 1 In you, you pick out a doll. 00;21;37;24 - 00;21;44;19 Speaker 2 A baby. What I be having all times where I doubt myself. I'll go back and I'll be like. 00;21;44;22 - 00;21;48;00 Speaker 3 I'm a little fucking. What a great team. What a great group. 00;21;48;00 - 00;21;57;23 Speaker 2 Of people to go. And when you're writing books, do you sometimes miss that process of of the collaboration with other writers? 00;21;57;26 - 00;22;19;05 Speaker 1 No. I just miss it when I'm trying to memorize them, because iron really does sharpen iron. Yeah. And the way that we would have to memorize and perform and stuff like, I missed that part because it held you to a, a standard. It held you. You had to be responsible, you know, you couldn't go over time and you felt responsible for your team members and to yourself to really do this. 00;22;19;05 - 00;22;28;09 Speaker 1 Now, these days, you know, people perform what they fold and they perform in with the book in their head. And and that's just not something that we grew up on really honestly. So I missed that part. 00;22;30;28 - 00;22;42;26 Speaker 2 Did you did you have any trouble with editing this book. Wondering what's the include. What. Not even. 00;22;42;28 - 00;22;58;16 Speaker 1 No not, not not not really. More so the first one like my editor didn't want something in there that I wanted in there and you know, and I just didn't take the whole thing I do, you know, because I when I'm not going to do it, I'm not gonna do especially you know, edit myself too much for anyone, but, no, not not too much. 00;22;58;16 - 00;23;12;09 Speaker 1 It was is when it's time for me to present the book is time for me to present the book. You know, I got it. I'm ready. I place it in my in my publisher's hand, in his, in his time. So I'm ready for the process. 00;23;12;11 - 00;23;26;08 Speaker 2 Did you ever. So before I ask that question, there is the audio book copy. Yes, very. This book is with music by the great James Turner. Y'all don't know who James voices think is work with James. 00;23;26;14 - 00;23;42;02 Speaker 1 Yes, he's made the whole miseducation of loreal, basically all the Mariah Carey style, all a saw, everything that was soulful in neo soul back in the day. And he had a hand in that. He's he's amazing and he's in Philly and he does just beautiful keys underneath every a lot of poems pretty. 00;23;42;06 - 00;23;57;06 Speaker 2 So I suggest I'll get the book, read the audiobook or listen to the audiobook along with the book for the words come to life. Because one thing we are we're page poets, but we also are poets who, feel like once you hear the poem comes alive. 00;23;57;08 - 00;23;58;20 Speaker 1 That's the beauty of spoken word. 00;23;58;20 - 00;24;09;26 Speaker 2 Yeah, I think, yes, this guy breathing life. And so with grace. No way to put it. Carney. Yeah. I wanted to ask you. 00;24;10;25 - 00;24;36;06 Speaker 2 Did you as little Disney watching tank ever picture. You know, we have this whole thing people talk about manifestation and visualization and everything. Now, our praying and believing. Did you ever picture this, or was this ever on your dream board or in your prayers, or in your thoughts of what was even possible for you when you were. 00;24;36;09 - 00;24;37;00 Speaker 3 Having. 00;24;37;00 - 00;24;41;05 Speaker 2 That baby tiny baby girl? It's the young lady that the bottle. 00;24;41;07 - 00;24;57;24 Speaker 1 I don't guess. Well, I don't, I don't think I had a lot of dreams for myself, though, you know, I don't think I. It took me a minute to start, like, dreaming for myself because I just was so busy and already inside of an imaginary land. So I just was already in that, in that little world, just creating stuff this created when I was young. 00;24;57;24 - 00;25;07;27 Speaker 1 I had little magazines and books and stuff, but I never thought this going to do. Something is about to go somewhere for me, just as never. 00;25;07;29 - 00;25;08;19 Speaker 3 Okay. 00;25;08;21 - 00;25;35;14 Speaker 2 One last question about ghosts. We'll play a little game and then I'll have let the audience ask some questions. And I know they also want to hear some poems. What do you want to leave as your mark on the New Orleans poetry scene. Are the world in New Orleans poetry? What do you feel like the mark is that you already leave it? 00;25;37;04 - 00;25;57;26 Speaker 1 Just the fact that even people just just have such a love and and and honor to me already, it's just a shocker to me. I think growing up in his poetry grew up, and we all just wanted to, get on the mic and true, you know, it was there like that was the goal at one point just for Charlie V to say, you could get up there. 00;25;57;26 - 00;26;16;07 Speaker 1 And I was in high school and I wanted to get on that Mike. So there's that. And just to be framed amongst, gifted white as icons, peaches. Sonny's, Sally's, you know, I'm saying just people that, 00;26;16;10 - 00;26;19;00 Speaker 2 Always, you know, just be. Well, I was all. 00;26;19;00 - 00;26;42;18 Speaker 1 Right. Yes, I was oh, this people that we always thought was amazing and that, you know, is still doing amazing work and you still trying to reach the goodness that they did, you know, as they. I think the what was also so cool about these people is that they, they did not just leaving on a stage. They were really, really community workers. 00;26;42;21 - 00;26;54;25 Speaker 2 It was really special. Yeah. I think one thing I will say you have done to and some I can name some names, but also you with winning the Grammy for Best Spoken Word Album, you. 00;26;54;25 - 00;26;57;15 Speaker 3 Played for who. 00;26;57;18 - 00;27;21;16 Speaker 2 Was I think a lot of people sleep on. We look at New Orleans as a place that has great food, great music and culture, art, Indians, second lives. We look at all of these things, but I think sometimes writers and poets collabo. Yeah. So, Mona Lisa for Lloyd. I am Brenda's. 00;27;21;19 - 00;27;22;09 Speaker 3 Yeah. 00;27;22;11 - 00;27;48;08 Speaker 2 Brenda. I'd be like names like that. There are people that we we sometimes forget that New Orleans is not just great for, how we express in those ways, but our words as well. And so I want to thank you for putting New Orleans on the map even more so, not just as a musician and as a singer, but as a writer, as a poet, as a person who paints a picture of the city. 00;27;48;10 - 00;28;09;10 Speaker 2 Where people who may not engage with those other art forms are still able to see and feel and get a taste of what New Orleans is like. And so I, I never told you before, I tell y'all the doggone time. I am so beyond proud. Proud ain't even the word. I think, blown away and impressed. 00;28;09;10 - 00;28;17;07 Speaker 2 I am constantly, constantly impressed by you. That is a big deal for me. Was I be impressed by enough not be impressed by know I was? 00;28;17;07 - 00;28;17;28 Speaker 1 I know. 00;28;18;00 - 00;28;18;15 Speaker 3 You. 00;28;18;17 - 00;28;20;17 Speaker 1 Are mean are like. 00;28;20;19 - 00;28;47;24 Speaker 2 But you continue to re reconstruct yourself reframe yourself, grow yourself, put more colors in your wings. But also remain authentically same, like you will always be that. But the colors just always get more and more vibrant and more and more vast. So, I'm gonna throw on a couple words and you just tell me what is the first word that comes to your mind? 00;28;47;27 - 00;29;07;28 Speaker 2 Look at it with you. I feel like this will be funny with time because my mind is so random. If y'all have a copy of Random me the first, first, first ever draft. I still remember the day December 10th gumbo. And then we had a test with it. Always make it. Yeah. So, 00;29;08;00 - 00;29;15;21 Speaker 3 Poetry. Love, love. 00;29;15;23 - 00;29;21;22 Speaker 1 How to see what go into my. But is you fucking. 00;29;21;25 - 00;29;24;20 Speaker 2 Hey, that's all a part of it. 00;29;24;20 - 00;29;32;01 Speaker 3 True. 00;29;32;03 - 00;29;32;26 Speaker 2 I was like, I was. 00;29;32;26 - 00;29;35;10 Speaker 3 Ready to fuck off. 00;29;35;13 - 00;29;36;06 Speaker 2 New Orleans. 00;29;36;13 - 00;29;42;11 Speaker 3 Oh, people. Music. 00;29;42;13 - 00;29;46;28 Speaker 1 See, some reason was, first of all, because my hair was funny. 00;29;48;18 - 00;29;53;04 Speaker 1 Thank the bangles. 00;29;53;07 - 00;30;02;20 Speaker 2 And I guarantee y'all that this book is a banger. Again. Get your copy of A Thing About fall. And is there a pin up here right now? Because I would like my copy signed before. Yes. 00;30;02;22 - 00;30;04;04 Speaker 3 By day. 00;30;04;06 - 00;30;25;17 Speaker 2 Oh, anybody like you and I want to just share a little piece what I think is. Oh, is this your Mary? So this is you? Because I always because I see a tank leaves me speechless a lot of the times. This poem is fashioned after a song by a friend of mine that just simply goes. Sometimes when we don't know the words, we home. 00;30;28;18 - 00;30;50;26 Speaker 2 How we say amen. How we say show is how we say show day. How we say I know that's right. How we say girl, how we agree without touching. Depending on the inflection. That's how we say darlin, that's good. How we say you. So put your foot in it. How we say, that's my jam. How we say she. 00;30;51;03 - 00;30;55;12 Speaker 2 How we say yeah. See how we say all baby right there. 00;30;56;26 - 00;31;04;28 Speaker 2 Come from a mom, from a home. From the deepest parts of our belly. And our soul is a knowing within. And knowing. 00;31;05;04 - 00;31;05;10 Speaker 1 How. 00;31;05;10 - 00;31;14;25 Speaker 2 We say all the things we don't really have or yet know the words for. And this book make me say it. Thank you. Make me say. 00;31;14;28 - 00;31;17;10 Speaker 3 Who I doesn't love the. 00;31;17;13 - 00;31;26;04 Speaker 2 Translations. Congratulations. More and more blessings to come. So we'll take some questions at this time from the audience. 00;31;26;06 - 00;31;27;12 Speaker 3 We got one over here. 00;31;27;15 - 00;31;38;29 Speaker 2 Oh, I love this lady. Y'all. Y'all don't even understand. Oh, it's a story, but we gonna write a book about it one day. I just want to say, every time I see you, I tell you. 00;31;38;29 - 00;31;44;00 Speaker 1 That you're going to sing at my wedding. I hope you remember it, because every time. 00;31;44;02 - 00;31;46;22 Speaker 3 Okay. I met you. 00;31;46;25 - 00;31;49;11 Speaker 1 15 years ago at a college. 00;31;49;13 - 00;31;53;28 Speaker 2 We sang for her wedding. And I tell you, every time you're going to sing at my wedding. 00;31;54;00 - 00;31;54;24 Speaker 1 Am I playing the. 00;31;54;27 - 00;31;57;01 Speaker 2 Song you're going to sing. 00;31;57;01 - 00;31;59;11 Speaker 1 Anita Baker? You bring me joy. 00;31;59;13 - 00;32;02;12 Speaker 2 We sing to each other every time I tell you the sleeve. 00;32;02;17 - 00;32;06;15 Speaker 1 But I don't have a question. I just want to say that you're very inspiring. 00;32;06;17 - 00;32;10;23 Speaker 2 And I love your books. Your poetry books. I see you every. 00;32;10;23 - 00;32;13;11 Speaker 1 Time you're down here. The last time I saw. 00;32;13;11 - 00;32;14;13 Speaker 2 You was at. 00;32;14;13 - 00;32;22;09 Speaker 1 Couches, at Peter and Paul, and it was just so inspiring. And just keep doing what you're doing, and I love you. We all love you. Thank you. 00;32;22;09 - 00;32;26;14 Speaker 2 So I saw your aid, and you've been on my way. And I'm going to do a go fund me. 00;32;26;14 - 00;32;36;05 Speaker 3 You. Because you hear me. Well. You gotta make me cry. 00;32;36;08 - 00;32;40;25 Speaker 1 Thank you, sister, for these fans, for the blind squad. 00;32;40;28 - 00;32;50;26 Speaker 2 Hey. Thank you. So I identify as being from New Orleans. I lived here for, like, ten years. I came back specifically for this, and I wasn't introduced to. 00;32;50;26 - 00;32;52;21 Speaker 1 You until 2017. 00;32;52;21 - 00;33;07;10 Speaker 2 I think you open for Big Freedia. Well, I'd never seen at Tipitina's. And everyone was like, you've got to go. And I immediately became a stand. And one of the things that I love about your work is your versatility. 00;33;07;16 - 00;33;10;01 Speaker 1 Is not just singing, it's not just rapping. 00;33;10;04 - 00;33;22;01 Speaker 2 I wanted you to talk a little bit about how you decide that. So, like, Norm and I are birthday twins, like we two days apart. That's my boo. I love him when y'all were in Austin, I'm like, where are you at? 00;33;22;03 - 00;33;23;25 Speaker 1 We meet in the front, but I just. 00;33;23;25 - 00;33;33;19 Speaker 2 Love your community and your energy. So I wanted to know, as I introduce people, I'm like tiny band concert because that's what everyone knows. I'm like, look it up. 00;33;33;21 - 00;33;34;25 Speaker 1 I you in my. 00;33;34;25 - 00;33;35;21 Speaker 2 Office. 00;33;35;23 - 00;33;36;23 Speaker 1 Album sign. 00;33;36;23 - 00;33;53;16 Speaker 2 Like I just appreciate the the breadth and the depth of your your artistry. So talk a little bit about how you go from here to there because there's no one I can't recommend you to like. Oh, like hip hop. Check this out. Oh, I don't like acts. 00;33;53;16 - 00;34;17;14 Speaker 1 Check this album. So I just wanted you to speak on that. Well thank you. First of all, something literally whispers in my ear. The spirit will say, it's time to rap. It is time to sing it. And now it's a poem. Or I'm hoarse and it has no choice but to be spoken. So, that's, that's really what happens and is is so cool to listen to the spirits. 00;34;17;14 - 00;34;19;16 Speaker 1 They always have to sing it. Now it's. 00;34;19;18 - 00;34;20;12 Speaker 3 Just. 00;34;20;14 - 00;34;22;12 Speaker 1 Yes. It's like the so is. 00;34;22;14 - 00;34;24;23 Speaker 2 Thank you. 00;34;24;26 - 00;34;29;10 Speaker 3 Right. So hey hey hey by free. 00;34;29;12 - 00;34;30;10 Speaker 1 I do it. 00;34;30;13 - 00;34;49;05 Speaker 2 So I've known both y'all for a little while. I'm a fan. I'm not just a friend, I'm a fan. Support, support, support don't ranks for freebies. Okay. So, like, can't say you just same old thing. All the sound like. What keeps you grounded and always smiling and always, like, humble and like you. 00;34;49;05 - 00;34;53;07 Speaker 1 Just always so pleasant to see. Oh my gosh. As well. 00;34;53;11 - 00;34;58;23 Speaker 2 I ain't always saying like you're never not saying, oh, I'm just like, how do you, how do you keep that going? 00;34;58;26 - 00;35;17;12 Speaker 1 Oh well, first of all, I think growing up in church, having grandparents, that was the pastor and first lady of the church, you know, you just know that, you're in community. And I even, like one day was free to say, hey, I'm a public figure. And when I go out, I am I am of service to the public. 00;35;17;12 - 00;35;35;13 Speaker 1 I love that you say that because I don't always I don't always feel that way at all. And I even have to think of some times when I was denied a picture by someone who I idolize. You know what I'm saying? How that made me feel. But, but I understand them now more honestly. You can't take a picture with everybody and you're not always up to it. 00;35;35;16 - 00;35;53;14 Speaker 1 And I honestly, when I see people and I'm feeling a little drained of energy, I literally picture them being a child. I. I literally look at them and I go to their faces, and I think of them as a little child and a little girl and just innocence and sweetness and kindness that I need to have for you. 00;35;53;16 - 00;35;57;03 Speaker 1 I just, I just kind of revert, oh, thank. 00;35;57;03 - 00;36;11;27 Speaker 3 You. She's the. That's the seeker. Hello, mother, I see you I want is a. 00;36;11;29 - 00;36;36;14 Speaker 3 You were there. I must say. Thank you. You know what? You remind me of Zora Neale Hurston. And when I see that Harlem. It's because I'm from Harlem. When I see the Hollywood size picture, I see right in the center. My dear, I really do. You are such a blessing. Oh, thank you so much. Oh, wow. Oh. 00;36;36;16 - 00;36;38;27 Speaker 1 You are a blessing. Thank you. 00;36;38;27 - 00;36;55;00 Speaker 2 I, I relocated, here from Chicago and, to, to choose to choose life for for myself and and live, actually live. 00;36;55;00 - 00;36;57;07 Speaker 1 And there's a lot of. 00;36;57;09 - 00;37;07;18 Speaker 2 Caretaking and living and creativity that happens for other people. And breaking into this scene here, I was wondering if you would give somebody. 00;37;07;18 - 00;37;08;09 Speaker 1 Advice. 00;37;08;09 - 00;37;18;15 Speaker 2 Because I've been so inspired by you because of how weird you keep it. You talk about your authenticity and you're like, yeah, like you're so. 00;37;18;17 - 00;37;20;17 Speaker 1 Yeah, you're so vivacious. 00;37;20;17 - 00;37;27;19 Speaker 2 You're so energetic, you're so authentic. And at the at the peak of me giving, finally deciding to give zero facts about. 00;37;27;19 - 00;37;31;15 Speaker 1 What other people thought. That's when my music pops. That's when I have more. 00;37;31;15 - 00;37;34;02 Speaker 2 I have more fun. Other people have more fun, right? Oh, but. 00;37;34;02 - 00;37;34;12 Speaker 1 When I. 00;37;34;12 - 00;37;38;27 Speaker 2 Moved from Chicago to here, I left my band in Chicago too. 00;37;38;29 - 00;37;41;02 Speaker 1 And so I would ask as. 00;37;41;02 - 00;37;52;20 Speaker 2 As a new artist here, how do you break into the scene? How would you tell somebody who just moved here, but who has that spirit to do it? How how would you even start? 00;37;52;22 - 00;38;11;28 Speaker 1 I think that I would start, in the open mics, like I started my own. So honestly. And I always asked, I just asked God for what I wanted, and it just literally started to come to me. Everything I ask for. I did always have a band. I said, I want to band, I want to elbow, I want to sell. 00;38;12;03 - 00;38;18;20 Speaker 1 And I just was asking for it before I know it is starting just painting itself. To me, that's not asking for everything. I wanted it. 00;38;18;23 - 00;38;22;24 Speaker 2 I thought they were crazy. 00;38;22;27 - 00;38;40;19 Speaker 1 So I would say just as. And I think that it's also a really good idea to go to like the colleges like Lyon and Tulane. They have amazing music programs and young, amazing open mics and talented musicians that be able play it. You can have a band in Chicago and New Orleans. 00;38;40;22 - 00;38;42;21 Speaker 3 All right. Yeah. 00;38;42;24 - 00;38;45;15 Speaker 1 Thank you. By the way. 00;38;45;17 - 00;38;46;07 Speaker 2 Hey, Tony. 00;38;46;07 - 00;38;47;03 Speaker 3 Hey, baby. 00;38;47;03 - 00;38;53;29 Speaker 2 Hey. I am from Sarasota, Florida. And here with the in in, conference. 00;38;54;06 - 00;38;58;05 Speaker 3 Hey, everybody. I say yes. 00;38;58;05 - 00;39;00;27 Speaker 1 And one of the things when I. 00;39;00;27 - 00;39;07;07 Speaker 2 When I personally discovered you sit in my cubicle desk in a job that was going. 00;39;07;07 - 00;39;10;08 Speaker 3 Nowhere. You. Hey, you made. 00;39;10;09 - 00;39;10;16 Speaker 1 Me. 00;39;10;16 - 00;39;34;20 Speaker 2 Smile from the inside out, watching you in the, in the New York park, there onto the tiny desk. But as a writer, as a spoken word artist, how do you keep yourself in those unconfident moments? Because I be here. I'm listening. And you be like, oh, they say I'm pretty. I'm pretty. Well, I already know that. 00;39;34;28 - 00;39;40;04 Speaker 2 And I'm kind of tired of hearing other people would say that because I'd be like, as to, leave it alone. 00;39;40;07 - 00;39;42;09 Speaker 3 But how do you move. 00;39;42;11 - 00;39;45;28 Speaker 2 Into that moment? And I also got to say, I'm a radio host and I play. 00;39;45;28 - 00;39;51;00 Speaker 1 You every day. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much. Having amazing. 00;39;51;00 - 00;39;52;15 Speaker 3 Music that you can. 00;39;52;15 - 00;39;52;28 Speaker 2 Play. 00;39;52;28 - 00;40;02;03 Speaker 1 So yeah. How do you maintain that confidence? How do I tap into the confidence? Yes, ma'am. I just know that. 00;40;02;06 - 00;40;17;12 Speaker 1 That there is nobody like me. Just like there is nobody like you. That God didn't make us twice. And that you're literally as unique as a fingerprint that nobody even has that there. That's one of the smallest things on your body. You have to know that there is nobody like you. And that is where your real power is. 00;40;17;12 - 00;40;30;10 Speaker 1 People think that the powers and kind of joining the crowd, but it's really in your individualism like that. There's no one like you. And and one of my favorite quotes is like, really? Be yourself because everyone else has taken hey mommy. 00;40;30;13 - 00;40;36;17 Speaker 2 And time, can I get a picture of you, me and my music partner get a picture? Retreat we have is okay girl. 00;40;36;17 - 00;40;37;26 Speaker 3 On the first day. 00;40;37;26 - 00;40;39;11 Speaker 1 They are real quiet. 00;40;39;13 - 00;40;59;04 Speaker 2 Thank you. I think we that was the end of the questions. We all because y'all know y'all be all night. Y'all will be here all night, right? Yeah, I know they told me to say you go, you go. Hey, thank you so much I can't thank. Love you. Oh, love you too. Oh, goodness. Sorry, my big ass booty out the way. 00;40;59;07 - 00;41;02;20 Speaker 2 All right. So love you. Last time I saw you, that kings and queens youth was. 00;41;02;20 - 00;41;03;16 Speaker 3 A new boo. 00;41;03;18 - 00;41;27;05 Speaker 2 And we took a picture. And I love it because, you know, in New Orleans, everybody is just approachable. I said something to you at the time. I work in HIV. As some people may know, and our epidemic here in the state of Louisiana, black women, heterosexual black women, our number two, I've been here for me, for 11 years from Los Angeles. 00;41;27;08 - 00;41;53;25 Speaker 2 They've we've never been number two. And that's saying a lot. One thing I said to you at Kings and Queens is, I feel like there needs to be like The Miseducation of Tank and taking your words to relate to young women and just women here in New Orleans and Louisiana. Allow them to see themselves through your words so that they know that they don't have to acquire HIV or stars. 00;41;53;28 - 00;42;19;19 Speaker 2 So since you said it a moment ago about putting that into the universe, I'm putting it out into the universe. I serve as, as, a person who will give all types of information about HIV scars, anything public health related in the state. But I encourage you at some point, if that comes and lays in your heart to transform the lives of generations of people here, specifically young women that look like. 00;42;19;19 - 00;42;20;15 Speaker 1 You so that. 00;42;20;15 - 00;42;23;00 Speaker 2 They don't ever have to acquire HIV again? 00;42;23;03 - 00;42;24;27 Speaker 3 Of course, of course. 00;42;24;27 - 00;42;37;02 Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you so much. There's that's so important. And I thank you so much. I didn't know we were number two. Thank you so much. And any work you wanted to know about their life. 00;42;37;05 - 00;42;55;10 Speaker 2 Oh, I think this year for the Q and A and the talk y'all the next the only talk we about to hear some terms. So again thank you all for your questions. Thank you. Thank again publicity you and yeah. And I'm gonna get off the stage so that we can hear you do your thing. Oh, y'all going Clapham. 00;42;55;12 - 00;42;57;16 Speaker 2 Y'all make some noise for kind. 00;42;57;19 - 00;43;01;16 Speaker 1 My poetry and sister. My sister in poetry. 00;43;01;18 - 00;43;03;00 Speaker 3 Love you. 00;43;03;17 - 00;43;04;22 Speaker 1 Question how I. 00;43;04;22 - 00;43;06;25 Speaker 3 Feel. 00;43;06;28 - 00;43;12;09 Speaker 1 You should know that it's real. 00;43;12;12 - 00;43;24;18 Speaker 3 That is real. It is here that if it's real, really real. If you. 00;43;24;18 - 00;43;27;26 Speaker 1 Ever need some space to. 00;43;27;26 - 00;43;35;04 Speaker 3 Heal, you should go where you feel. 00;43;35;07 - 00;43;41;02 Speaker 1 That it's real, that it's really. It's a. 00;43;41;02 - 00;43;46;02 Speaker 3 Real thing. 00;43;46;05 - 00;43;52;05 Speaker 1 If you have a question of he's here for real. 00;43;52;07 - 00;43;56;26 Speaker 3 You don't know how he feels. 00;43;56;28 - 00;44;00;14 Speaker 1 It's not real. It's not. 00;44;00;14 - 00;44;02;17 Speaker 3 Real. 00;44;02;20 - 00;44;03;14 Speaker 1 It's not. 00;44;03;14 - 00;44;21;12 Speaker 3 Real. It's not real. But when. 00;44;21;14 - 00;44;27;10 Speaker 3 Oh. 00;44;27;12 - 00;44;40;05 Speaker 3 That is real. 00;44;40;08 - 00;44;46;01 Speaker 3 Trying. 00;44;46;03 - 00;45;08;14 Speaker 1 The moment I heard you were moving on. Oh, I feel like I was missing an empty train. Now. The room, the train had room for me. Could care with some of my things, maybe even make it to the destination in time. But my train was leaving me, and I had my ticket in my hand and everything. And you were taking another passenger to my destination. 00;45;08;16 - 00;45;31;19 Speaker 1 Her, she whatever baggage claim this but me, I was waiting, I was wondering, I woke up late and everything. And yet still I expected for you to wait for me or run after me. But I forgot. Trains never run after people. They slog through the bay. 00;45;31;20 - 00;45;35;15 Speaker 3 Spins under the ground. 00;45;35;18 - 00;46;19;15 Speaker 1 Oh, dragging behind all of our loaded suitcases. Going fast, looking out for no one. Doors opening and closing for whoever catches it in time. Alarms and bells ringing. Final board screaming, final board screaming. My tracks all mixed up. And. And here I am packing slowly and so I missed Misty purposely. And yet I was late and upset with you for leaving me at the station, forgetting that trains wait for no one. 00;46;19;17 - 00;46;31;06 Speaker 1 Not even me. 00;46;31;09 - 00;46;38;12 Speaker 1 Calico. I need everybody to snap your. 00;46;38;12 - 00;46;43;26 Speaker 3 Fingers like this. Swear by I other. 00;46;43;26 - 00;46;46;14 Speaker 1 Beauty that needed it up. 00;46;46;16 - 00;46;55;11 Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Oh! Nuh We can't. 00;46;55;11 - 00;46;56;29 Speaker 1 Let go because we. 00;46;56;29 - 00;46;59;19 Speaker 3 May play. 00;46;59;21 - 00;47;15;21 Speaker 1 Oh, we can let go. Because I'm your woman and your mama. We can't let go. Because we made plans that. Yeah. We can't let. 00;47;15;21 - 00;47;21;12 Speaker 3 Go. We can't let go. 00;47;21;15 - 00;47;41;17 Speaker 1 We can't let go. Because we made so many plans. We wouldn't let go. Because we thought we had forever to get it right. Why would we let it go? We put too many years. It. We couldn't let go because we were betting on this one. We wouldn't let it loose because we looked back too many times. I didn't let go because no one else would love me. 00;47;41;20 - 00;48;00;02 Speaker 1 Oh, want me to hold me or need me? Think of me in that special way that people think of. People that are special. We chose not to let go because it was still our choice to hold on. But we didn't let go because, well, she we simply didn't want to. 00;48;00;04 - 00;48;01;10 Speaker 3 Hey. 00;48;01;13 - 00;48;12;12 Speaker 1 We can't let go because we made plans. We can't let go. Don't you understand. 00;48;12;14 - 00;48;15;08 Speaker 3 That in the Netflix. 00;48;15;10 - 00;48;17;21 Speaker 1 Let go, because we made. 00;48;17;21 - 00;48;20;04 Speaker 3 Play. 00;48;20;06 - 00;48;27;21 Speaker 1 Oh, we can't let go, we can't let go. 00;48;27;24 - 00;48;30;19 Speaker 3 You. 00;48;30;22 - 00;48;56;12 Speaker 1 Sometimes I wonder where you are this entire time. And intrusive thoughts. That you've been hurt over. Did she moan loudly? Fingers in her mouth. Did you push deep? Does she like it when you eat her? Suck you from the back? Was it good? Was it good enough to lay in? Make a bed in? Do you come in any body? 00;48;56;15 - 00;49;22;00 Speaker 1 Build a future in any woman's body. Who was she to you? Special candy. But then again, what's special? A new pair of jeans, a shiny bracelet, a call, a call, a new person. Had your new self in until your oldness returns to its desk and your work was in a sales speed. Heard. Because even playing quittin gets exhausting, my love. 00;49;22;00 - 00;49;24;19 Speaker 3 Soon you will. 00;49;24;19 - 00;49;42;11 Speaker 1 Show up and she'll see that all you are is what you've always been. So I have some questions I'd like to ask your new girlfriend. 00;49;42;14 - 00;49;47;19 Speaker 3 Yeah. How is she, anyway? 00;49;47;22 - 00;49;52;13 Speaker 1 She heard you got a new girlfriend. 00;49;52;14 - 00;49;58;08 Speaker 3 He me girl. 00;49;58;10 - 00;50;20;10 Speaker 1 Does he still leave his shoes in the hallway? Do you still dream over them? Do you be tripping? Does it bother you the way it bothered me? Does he still need the two pairs squad with no cap? Aggravating is in there. Does he still like his loud music? Loud? Or does he considered you? I is a wet Jim Crow. 00;50;20;10 - 00;50;27;29 Speaker 1 Still on the bed spray too much Cologne. Does he still use it like air freshener? 00;50;28;01 - 00;50;30;01 Speaker 3 Oh well. Hello. 00;50;30;03 - 00;50;36;17 Speaker 1 Does it still hate to hold hands in public? Does he still let go phones? Does it. 00;50;36;17 - 00;50;37;24 Speaker 3 Bother you? 00;50;37;24 - 00;51;08;29 Speaker 1 Like it bother me, make you feel insecure or unsure if he actually even likes you? Did you call inside? Did you get quiet? Distant. Say it's nothing. What? It's always something. I mean, it's always something. Do you feel lonely next to him, or was that just me? Does he still tell you it's nothing wrong? When you ask him that, he still pretend there was no charger in sight when trying to reach home, is there? 00;51;09;01 - 00;51;19;29 Speaker 1 Is it still hard to reach him? Is Netflix still a better boyfriend? That's so. That's also. That's all. That's all. That's all. 00;51;20;01 - 00;51;28;23 Speaker 3 That tells. Heard you got a new girlfriend. 00;51;28;26 - 00;51;38;18 Speaker 1 How you got so many questions. 00;51;38;21 - 00;51;42;15 Speaker 3 But then again. 00;51;42;17 - 00;51;43;23 Speaker 1 That's none of. 00;51;43;23 - 00;51;47;18 Speaker 3 My. 00;51;47;20 - 00;51;50;23 Speaker 1 That's none of my. That's none of. 00;51;50;23 - 00;52;12;00 Speaker 3 La la la la la la my. This name. Ooh. 00;52;12;02 - 00;52;32;06 Speaker 1 My. Why are you laughing? We loved each other so much. And yet it still wasn't enough. So burn in between and at the ends. Thoughts of her. Thoughts of him too often to count so well. To count out your forever. Girl I don't know what I was thinking. Give. So show my love sex to show my passion arguments to show my smarts. 00;52;32;08 - 00;52;49;08 Speaker 1 And yet I know I didn't even give my all. But then again, why would I fall for someone who barely buckled their knees for me? A letter to my ex. Oh, this ends his chapter. 00;52;49;10 - 00;53;10;08 Speaker 1 What can be said that hasn't already been said? Haven't I've been honest? I'm going to put all of my cards on the table. I mean, at one point I really did think I was over it until I wasn't. What can I apologize for and mean it? I feel so different now. I think I can finally wish you well far away from me. 00;53;10;10 - 00;53;36;14 Speaker 1 I did love you and I think you loved me too. But I also believe it wasn't nearly enough on both sides. And I received the way we both actually see love in one more letter to my ex. Better her than me, the in-between guy. It all started with this guy in my DM telling me I was pretty. No alarm. 00;53;36;14 - 00;53;55;06 Speaker 1 Detective skinny rose lip. In three days later, you'd still fall again, wouldn't you? Shoes and sides. Silly string out in doors unlocked. Willing to let anyone in who turns the key. 00;53;55;08 - 00;54;13;11 Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah. 00;54;13;13 - 00;54;16;13 Speaker 3 Yeah. 00;54;16;16 - 00;54;18;12 Speaker 1 The in-between guy. 00;54;18;14 - 00;54;20;27 Speaker 3 When the world. 00;54;21;00 - 00;54;22;08 Speaker 1 Becomes too. 00;54;22;08 - 00;54;32;17 Speaker 3 Loud and the static hurts my eyes. 00;54;32;20 - 00;55;00;12 Speaker 1 I look for the shelter of your arms. This dark creature finds me beautiful and desired. And gives me a safe space to be a woman and sexy and smart and hidden and sane and gentle and delicate and lovely all at the same time. I like that space. I needed that space. My heart was rough, my attitude different, my ego bruised, my feelings fragile. 00;55;00;14 - 00;55;19;13 Speaker 1 And I needed someone to love me for the Mariana, I was in absolute silence. We connect in the dark. We share the desire to be felt and feel love. And tonight I do believe I am. 00;55;19;13 - 00;55;26;00 Speaker 3 Okay with that. 00;55;26;02 - 00;55;48;16 Speaker 1 Oh. I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm okay with that. I'm okay. Yeah. I'm okay. Yeah, I'm okay with that. I'm okay. Yeah, I'm okay. Yeah, I'm okay with that. Plus, he got some good day. Oh. I'm okay, I'm sorry. I'm I'm I'm okay. I'm okay with that. Oh. I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm okay with that. Oh I'm okay, I'm okay. 00;55;48;16 - 00;56;10;19 Speaker 1 Yeah I'm okay with that. Plus he got some good because not me guys I that because I'm okay I'm okay I'm okay with that. I'm okay I'm okay I'm okay with that. I'm look. Damn okay. I'm okay with the the size he cast. So. Good. Okay. Now, y'all mom was not here. 00;56;10;19 - 00;56;15;19 Speaker 3 So he. 00;56;15;21 - 00;56;40;11 Speaker 1 Clearly like a good distraction. Relationships distract me, but I just got to be held. I got a Yale and got a tail and got to tear down everything we built in. Shared. And I admit that we failed. Hurt more than I'd like to until. But shit happens. And we only remember a fraction of what happened while the rest is thrown in. 00;56;40;11 - 00;57;05;28 Speaker 1 The trash is discarded like it never happened. But you're going to have to remember not feeling wanted. Our loved cared about our valuable, just available and ready and wanting and lonely and waiting. And you'll have to remember that he chose rest over you, or time alone, or Wu-Tang or the game or the fight. You have to remember it's been two years with no movement and how supplies you are. 00;57;06;00 - 00;57;10;06 Speaker 1 That has been so years. 00;57;10;09 - 00;57;24;02 Speaker 1 And I see you pulling away like stray. And I thought I was ray of sunshine. But I guess we've had our good time. And I guess you're done with the day. 00;57;24;04 - 00;57;50;04 Speaker 1 And this is the last letter to my ex for him ending his chapter of the in between guy and I said, dear ex. Maybe I should apologize. You really have always been your full self to me, and I'm the one that wanted you to want more for yourself and us. You were cool with the bare minimum and on another planet. 00;57;50;04 - 00;58;02;16 Speaker 1 That's cool. I'm sorry, but acting like it actually was cool until it was. It. I just wanted you to grow. Forgetting completely. That's not my decision. 00;58;02;19 - 00;58;03;28 Speaker 3 Love. 00;58;04;01 - 00;58;11;00 Speaker 1 Terry Arnhem. And now something new. 00;58;17;14 - 00;58;48;26 Speaker 1 The beginning is always so soft, so new, the text so quick. The calls never missed. The welcome mat on the outside of your heart. The folded sheets at the corners of your mouth. Every butterfly excited by its new wings. Each text a parade. Every FaceTime, a love letter, every encounter. A poem that you write over and over and over. 00;58;48;29 - 00;59;05;12 Speaker 1 For it's too big to hide. It's too loud to be kept quiet. It's so beautiful not to share. It's so funny not to laugh. It's too high to come down to musical. To not sound. 00;59;05;14 - 00;59;33;08 Speaker 1 You orchestrate the softness of me. You let me lie in the comfort of who God made me to be. A woman in that should feel good. For I want life size, happiness. I want flowers just because it's Monday. I want soft kisses all over my face for two. But still I want random love that is on my nightstand. 00;59;33;13 - 01;00;04;27 Speaker 1 The strawberry shake the heart, skip a beat. Big Mac. I take the extra flies. The Happy Meal with the extra toy you need the sizzling air sprite. I want good customer service and I want it now because recently I've been told that I glow, that I shine, that my night lights now being brighter than usual. And they can tell it's because of you. 01;00;05;00 - 01;00;28;18 Speaker 1 So dear new love. Even while dating the others, I always looked around the corner to see who can be a better fit for me, a better fit, get along better with my friends, kiss my mom on the cheek. Love me deeper. Pray for me. Be my friend. Look out for your girl. That's you. I'm ready to get on the roller coaster. 01;00;28;18 - 01;00;50;19 Speaker 1 Even though the last one scared the shit out of me. But even with the last one, I knew it was preparing me for the ride of a lifetime, teaching me how to speak and approach and date and love and communicate with someone intimately. I've done it so wrong, I have no choice but to approach it differently this time. 01;00;50;21 - 01;00;51;03 Speaker 1 And I. 01;00;51;03 - 01;00;52;03 Speaker 3 Feel. 01;00;52;03 - 01;01;16;25 Speaker 1 So lucky to do it with someone who I really feel accepts all my parts as I learn to accept his, you know, Stevie Wonder always plays when you're near, reminding me, and my daddy is watching us from heaven. And guess what? We're the best movie scene in years. 01;01;16;28 - 01;01;26;22 Speaker 3 And God, I and that, you know. That I love. 01;01;26;24 - 01;01;39;22 Speaker 3 That. That it does. That I do it so. 01;01;39;25 - 01;01;46;23 Speaker 1 Thank you for coming and listening. Thank you all. 01;01;46;25 - 01;01;49;18 Speaker 3 Who? 01;01;49;21 - 01;02;06;08 Speaker 1 And make some noise for Lauren fully you guys. And thank you Baldwin thank you Icon thank you guys so much. Please read the book is sharing. Send me pictures I will share them. And I appreciate you guys for being on my journey with me. And as I just thank you so much New Orleans, I thank you so much. 01;02;06;08 - 01;02;09;28 Speaker 1 Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you mama. Thank you baby. I love you all. 01;02;09;28 - 01;02;37;12 Speaker 1 Thank you for spending time with us and for being a part of the Baldwin Co community. Every listen helps to keep the conversation alive. So thank you for listening. And if you believe in the work that we're doing, building literacy, nurturing curiosity and investing in our city, please, please, please consider supporting to the Bone and Co Foundation. You can go on to that Bco foundation at org. 01;02;37;12 - 01;02;57;02 Speaker 1 You can make a donation or you can just go to WW Baldwin or call books.com. You can follow us on our socials just at Baldwin and Company. So make sure you follow us. Check us out, subscribe. If you want to watch the video portion of this podcast and all of our podcasts, definitely check out our YouTube channel. 01;02;57;03 - 01;03;18;14 Speaker 1 It's just Baldwin and co on YouTube. Put it in the search and it'll come right up. So thank you so much. Please. Your donations, a few, programs that open doors our kids and our neighborhoods. And, when you're ready for your next great read, make sure to visit us online at Baldwin and Co. Every book you buy to help us just keep the movement going. 01;03;18;19 - 01;03;36;27 Speaker 1 If you're in New Orleans, make sure to stop by. Our address is 1030 Legion Fields Avenue. Come by and check us out. Get a good book, hang with us, get a good cup of coffee, and, look forward to seeing you. Have a good one.