Hey everybody, welcome to BCN Bad Comedy News. My name's Mac and I'm here with my partner in crime Dylan Internet. Not really Dylan. Yeah. Not really Dylan, baby. Ladies and gentlemen, we were the first news network to announce the Trump victory the day before the election. So if you want to go back and watch the last episode, you'll see it. It was one of the faking news segments. We called it. So you heard it here first and it wasn't fake news. No, I mean, I had the poll numbers in.
And we just kind of we just did a we just did a poll on Patreon and then they picked and it turned out they were right. And you can take the poll to at patreon.com slash bad comedy. So if you ever need a bet on an election, you're in a spot. Yeah. Honestly, if you want to know any like prediction of anything, we're better than Alex Jones. He's like he's like 35 for 34 for 35 on getting things right, like big events. I think we're like 45 and 45. So we have a perfect record.
Yeah, pretty much any school shooting. I know it's going to happen in advance. Yeah. And JD advance. Shut up. Yeah. Shut up. JV events. By Vance. Yeah. So we're. Kamala going to fly away on her broomstick. Oh, yes. And it's going to go. She spent a lot of money on her broomstick this year on her cauldron on her witches. Yeah. She she had over a billion in donations and I guess she's in debt like 25 million her campaign and trying to Trump said he'd offer to pay off her debt.
Because they had a surplus left. That is a G move. Honestly. Yeah. And just do them a little favor. You owe me one now. Yeah. I saved your ass. Yeah, dude. It's going to be a cool new brave new world. We got this cool guy on the border who doesn't give a fuck. No, it says I wake up every day pissed off. That's all. Yeah. And they're like, what about what about like border patrol separating families when they deport them?
He was like, well, the kids can go with them or separating kids and their families. So he can support the whole family. But what he what he meant was, yeah, the parents probably birthed him there. But you know, they weren't legal immigrants. They did it for the purpose of that. So not say if you don't want to separate them, they the kids can go back with them. That sounds fair to me. Officials to wake up every day pissed off, you don't want them to have enjoy.
No, he's gonna wake up smiling every morning. Just like Donald J. Trump once he's done bunkering at Mar-a-Lago for the next 90 days or so. We're sponsored today by Monaco knockout punch. It's a UFC flavor knockout punch like Odaino punched his wife. Yep. Also sponsored by Sir White Claw Surge blood orange like Donald Trump's skin. The best color you can get you got and orange. Yeah. Well, remember when he got shot and he was bleeding?
It was that the the this kind of the color of it is like the mix of his skin and the blood. So it's kind of what it tastes like to red dye 40 not gonna be enjoying that for very long. Yeah, we better celebrate before RFK gets in there makes so healthy. Yeah. I mean, Trump almost orange died 40. Yeah. I mean, Trump Trump says he's gonna let RFK do whatever he wants. But if our key is to get rid of McDonald's and Diet Coke and stuff, Donald Trump's gonna say, No.
What he's like, stay away from my golden arches. He said, no, he's not. Yeah. Well, because he said he says liquid gold. Yeah. My golden arches would be funny. Stay away from me. Lucky charms. Yeah. I say, don't touch my liquid gold or my golden arches or my Diet Coke. I think I'm gonna start drinking Diet Coke because of what I when I heard him and Dana White talking. True. He only drinks Diet Coke, never drinks water. And he's a superhuman. He can be up for 48 hours. He's still just like good.
Yeah. Just sharp, sharp like a blade. 72 hours in. Yeah. He should be studied. He's a. He's an anomaly. Yeah. He's definitely an anomaly. Yeah. So yeah, he's just got hunkered down for a couple months of void, third assassination attempt and then just spent four years awarding. Yeah. Attempts. Yep. I mean, it'll be better once he's in office. I think he'll be a little bit more secure for some reason or or he'll have less. Maybe he'll have less people trying to attack him from within.
Yeah, hopefully because they'll be gone. Yeah, just get in there and gut it out. I don't know if right now the deep state while they still have power, they're gonna try to get them. If they get booted out and then, you know, also it's cool that he he just got elected. He's not president, but all the terrorist groups are like we want peace. Sorry. We want to be friends like China's like we want to be friends. Russia's like Russia's like let's we can do peace with Ukraine probably.
And then Israel's like we can be pals with Stein. You know, all of a sudden, oh, now you pussy. Yeah, weird. We're weird. Wake up sober up. It's people. People always talk shit about Donald Trump's rhetoric, but results, instant results. And also, because he was talking so much about immigration and stuff. And now that he appointed this guy, who's clearly going to clear people out, people are going to self go back.
Emigrate, you know, so he probably picked the border guys as a second appointee aside from whoever that old lady is that he picked for Chief of Staff. She seems cool. I guess she was a mastermind behind their operation. Leave it to a woman. Yeah. She's a slave mentality. Yeah, she's a great campaign manager, I guess. She's probably great. She's women are great manipulators. So she's probably like, you got to say this and this.
And yeah, I mean, Donald Trump's best friend in both of his campaigns has been the media. You know, I mean, this time this time, I can see media. I mean, he it's the most coverage out of anybody. It's always negative coverage, but this time also with X coming out, we get to we got to see the real truth and we got to see really how bullshit that the media was. So it just came true that any press is good press. All press. What it is.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Trump's tweet when he was talking about Kamala Harris is like that she has her campaign. He was like, yeah, we have a bunch of money left over. We did most of our we spent most of the money we spent on or we got it through earned media. So you just get it or people or you do much rallies. So the media covers it. Oh, yeah. Or you get Tony Hinchcliffe on. Yeah, just from like word of mouth and stuff too.
I mean, the Tony Hinchcliffe thing, I bet you that was I bet they knew it was going to be an offensive comedian and they knew that it was going to get covered more by the press because of it and it was going to show that the press is completely humorless. It's just ridiculous. Just make them look like these guys seem fun at parties. Yeah. Tony is he posted something about that. What's it called that breakfast or whatever it is that dinner when it's like they make fun of everybody.
The press like how yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He like posted just a little like lying to something that said like this is when the next one's going to be implying that he's going to be performing at it or I bet he will be hosting it for I bet they'll have him there. Well, like they have like Gaffigan at that Catholic event. So there's a few different like meals where you kind of roast each other. One of them is the the correspondence dinner. That's the one you're talking about.
Yeah. That's the main one. And then during campaigns, I guess it's this Catholic dinner. I think I've seen Catholic guy died. Like when he was in Congress or in a politician or something. So they have that one. So Gaffigan, he was just making fun of like, oh, it's like crazy that I ended up in Hollywood because I'm blah, blah, blah. Well, he was he was hitting both sides pretty hard, which is cool because he's normally like a liberal. The internet by saying, oh, yeah, and I'm not a pedophile.
And then Tom Hanks did a big gulp. Yeah. Yeah. I can't remember if there's names to come out. Also, there's gonna be a lot of people who go to jail probably. We're gonna need to get those. We're gonna need to clear out some of those illegals from our prisons and maybe we should send everyone all of our violent prisoners to Venezuela. Okay. And then we put all of the political prisoners in our prisons. I'm having maybe we could deport. And it's not even it's not even political prisoners.
It's it's people in politics that broke the law. So they're they're actual prisoners. It's not just fake things made up to put you in jail. I'm having a flashback to when Courtney said that I sound like the guy from Green Mile, the security guard, which will. Oh, yeah. I sound you sound like Michael Clark sucking. No, but she's our she's our disease. I was I was telling my cousin the whole Tom Hanks saga. I bet he enjoyed all of it and no matter what he persisted. He did. Now he liked it.
I think that was good. Well, because he was telling me one about something else. You know, oh, yeah, I know how that can be. Yeah. Cousins. Yeah. That could be a cool show. Cousins or just cuz or just what a what a cuz. This should be a show called what a cuz. I was thinking I went to Cleo's the other day. I record audio also. Just to be safe. I was thinking how it Cleo's. What were you doing there? I went and it was after Redjuice. Socializing with the yeah.
And I was sending my car to like almost four and then I'm like they're probably gonna stop letting people in at four and then I went in there and Michael Johnson's in there with his girlfriend. Yeah, he was there late night. But I was just thinking like it's like you didn't see Dale there. Is Dale out of town yet? I had no idea. I was hoping he was but I was also looking for any baddies in there. But just me. I was thinking it's kind of like cheers except no one knows my name. It's just a bar.
These are gonna be worth so much now. Yeah, definitely appreciate it. I have five Trump gold coins folks. I bought them. I bought them way before the win and now I win. It's the game. It's the game. Yeah, great. Sometimes you got to make early predictions like I did.
Sometimes they come true and now the wicked witch of the West is gonna fly away and then I heard something about her maybe things different things floating around Biden stepping down and her becoming the first female president for three months. But I don't think they'll do that because that would be kind of an insult to women. You get a president for three months. He already gave her like 10 minutes and she didn't do shit with. Yeah, he just put under. Yeah, and he's not gonna.
And then I saw something about maybe her resigning. I would just make them look worse if they forced him out by saying he was like disabled base disabled basically just be like cool. You just lost like every swing state. Yeah, part of government. You're gonna really just bury him now. I wonder how that would work. What if what if she stepped down? Okay. Then what then they realize oh, she's retarded to then Biden dies. Then what the Speaker of the House becomes a president? Who's that?
Is that Nancy Pelosi? Oh my. That would be a crazy turn of events. I think it's back to back female presidents. The worst one. She would get impeached so fast. She would get her dick sucked in. Yeah, regardless, even if they do get Trump, if Vance is still around, he'll still carry out the agenda. But the problem is you got to have that. We got to have the Trump. You got to have the I want the bits every day.
I want the press briefing that he does on most days, even though it's supposed to be the press secretary's job. He just doesn't. He would do like 30 minutes a day. This guy is a crusher. Yeah, I was just wondering if he would talk to the press. None of that was because like his his rallies are like partially scripted. But for the most part, not, you know, he says random shit, obviously, but with the he would just go out in front of the press and they're just asking questions.
Then for seeing anything. Nope, not you. Fake news. Fake news. That's a nasty question. Yeah, you're a nasty person. People were asking questions like, who are they going to let into the press room for prep for those briefings now? It's like all these news organizations are just completely they're like discredited, essentially, just because they just lie all the time. But what they might start letting in like podcast hosts.
I heard like Alex Jones said they thinks that they'll probably just start boycotting it if it was him. Like that because, you know, that that is the move that those kind of places do. Like they'll just be like, oh, this isn't even journalism anymore and try to double down on what they're not. That's yeah, they would just let in like Ben Shapiro and like so. Yeah, Alex Jones. Kind of just really should be the press secretary. It'd be so funny. Yeah, he wants to do it for a month.
Yeah. And it's just like just keep cycling. What's that piss people off on the left? So you can't as can this. I see as she was talking about it, but she was like, people have asked me if I wanted to do it. And she's like, no, I want Alex Jones to do it. I would give all my money and take a minimum wage job and stop doing this if I had to. If I could see Alex Jones, I bet she'll take a turn. I bet they'll get there's there's this one. There's this one guy who's in the press.
I don't know if he's with Fox or who is with, but he would always spar with the current press secretary who sucks ass. I don't know. Like she's always just like, it's not my job. Oh, yeah. I don't know her name, but pretty much answered everything like two important questions. She's like, that is not my job. She's like a DMV worker. Like right away, she fucked up. She's so bad.
Yeah. Like I'm trying to remember what she did something just like a week and a half in where it was just like basically confirmed like some sketchy shit. Yeah. And I was like, she was supposed to just denied and denied and denied. Yeah. She's terrible. The job they can't fire her. She's black. I'm going to defer to the president on this one. He already spoke about this topic. This is redundant. I like that one guy, Sean Spicer, you get really mad. He was viewed on the Trumps guys.
The best was that blonde girl though. She really was the best one that was Trump's when he last time. Yeah. Mary Ann Conway. Well, they had Sarah Huckabee Sanders for a while. And it's like, remember her shoes matter. I think she's a gozampic. How could be Sarah Huckabee? I think I get like Melissa McCarthy in there. Like the funny version of her. I need to get, ooh, Megan Kelly. Megan Kelly. She's a lawyer too. She would crush them. She's media also. Yeah. But isn't she deep state?
No. Wouldn't she be like a bias towards Democrats? She's like a female Tucker now. She's rogue. Yeah. That is a cool X-Men rogue. She just sucks the life out of everyone. That could be the, that's the new press is it's Tucker's, the Tucker show. And then you got the Megan Kelly show and then Elk Jones, the best one. Tim Dillon's thing about, because you know, people are like, yeah, I miss when Joe Rogan wasn't helping decide elections.
And then Tim Dillon was saying like, Hey, maybe if you're a comic, like just get to work like no one's stopping you from building a platform that people listen to. And then he just dismantled it. Just like, you know, good luck though too. Good luck building one like that big, but yeah. And he said no to being on Joe Rogan. Anyone in this election that was that wanted to vote on that, it's not even like Republican and Democrat anymore.
If you wanted to vote on the Kamala side as a vote against comedy. Yeah, absolutely. They want to censor everything. And they try to say like, this is like something bad about comedy. I'm a year fucking. I'm a one issue voter. And that I want my I want my president to be Hitler. Oh, I got two issues. I want to get less shadow band on social media. Yeah, that definitely won't you won't get shadow band like that anymore. Yeah, so much accountability will come.
Yeah, but I got to give a shout out to Celeste. She posted something just like it's I just responded like damn rose did you tell her to join patron again? Yeah, Celeste, you have to do that or else we're going to get Celeste. Yeah, but it was just saying like all these girls saying that they're gonna withhold sex from guys because the election. Yeah, if you had that kind of discipline then abortion wouldn't be your number one issue.
I was like, oh fuck Celeste coming in with just like just like a Matt Gates. For real though, nobody wants to have sex with you if you look like a thumb. Good point. Maybe you should be out there marching and get some exercise for those ankles to use for once. Yeah, what do you say to people that were offended by those remarks, Matt? Be offended. Don't be a thumb. I like him. I think he's actually cool. Even though he looks evil. He's a Jeremy fragrance.
And I remember I saw, I think he was pretty close with Trump during the campaign. I don't know. We'll see what happens. We've been reporting a lot of political stuff, I guess, but yeah, we just care a lot about the country and the world and the state of comedy. Hey guys, if you want to get away from politics, just listen to bad comedy. If there's too much going on in your life, just listen. We don't talk. We, we get away from all that political stuff and we just do jokes.
So join bad comedy podcast at patreon.com slash bad comedy and you don't got to worry about all the left and the right and the evil orange guy and the, you know, the world wars. We're here just to laugh. We don't, we don't talk politics, right? Yeah. I hate politics. I've been working on that. That's my clip. And then they're going to join and then it's all put that out. I already had like, I was like, Mike Dwyer, you should be on the pod. You want it?
And then he was just like, I don't know if I should be actually. And then he's like, just it's all about Trump or something like, like Mac loves Trump or something else. I was like, yeah, I guess, is that the new rumor? Yeah. And that's why I just think, I don't know. Well, he's right. I guess I'll stand the test of time right side of history. Cool. Well, Mike Dwyer, guess what? You're not that funny on the weekend on the podcast anyway. Was he on? Yeah. Oh, okay.
Oh, that's probably how he knew about that. Then you were probably talking about him. I wasn't there that week. No, I wasn't talking. It was me. Yeah. Well, we didn't want to be in Anthony Hernandez. I think we had Mike on just him though, one time and you know, I would remember. Yeah. No, he's, he's all right. Is he a secret listener? He's definitely a secret listener. Not anymore. He's just definitely. Yeah. He hates a big orange guy.
Yeah. Well, if someone doesn't want to listen to our podcast because they don't like the big orange guy, go listen to. No, this is a time for unity in our country. You're being a Kamala right now. No, we saying you're at the wrong rally. No, we need to be what the people on the left were when people on the right were election deniers and we go, haha. No, no, no. This is we have to can't be sore winners. What about, okay. There's a lot of losers out there. Fine. I like Mike. Okay.
They got fucked. All right. If you're a normal person that doesn't look like a thumb, it's way too isolated. No, I know if you're nor if you don't look like a thumb and a purple hair and you see grimaces and alcoholic grimaces and alcoholic now Tina post some felt bad. She's an alcoholic. No grimaces and alcoholic and that's her son. Oh, I thought he's chugging bruise. Someone dresses grimace and she died her hair purple back again. Oh, I don't know. But you know the history of that, right?
I'd imagine why she did that. So grandma, Violet, her name was Violet and she died. And so then Tina died her hair. Died it. She killed her solidarity. Well, I got a tattoo and my grandma died. So that's actually more meaningful. The piggy. Sorry, Tina. My grand, oh my, I was at, I was in Iowa, which was awesome because I was surrounded by like minded folks and you didn't mind it one bit. No, I had a great time. But my grandpa, he's 95 and he did. He opened a child center.
So he was a farmer his whole life. But he got really lucky in penny stocks. Wall Street. Yeah. And he probably got a call from Jordan Belfort a long time ago and he was like, yeah, I'm in. And then the company became Eli Lilly, which is like the big, like a top 10. So he put a million dollars towards this huge like children's center. And so there is like the grand opening of it. It was also his birthday weekend. So this is a building there that says like Mike and Jean Nepper.
That was my grandma Jean. Nepper Super Big. Wow. So having that for building and diaries of the Iowa folks. It sounds like it's photo kids. God, give it up for the kids. Yeah. In Iowa, we take care of our kids. We're not like Hollywood where they take bad care of the kids. We were trying to convince kids to turn trans ironically. Yeah. Well, they still probably should. I mean, if you if your parents tell you to be trans, you probably should think about it.
And a lot of people kind of think of us as their parents in a way. So you should just think about being trans. Your insurance might your insurance might not cover it anymore, though, coming up soon. How about try to try the vaccine? Give it a shot or two. Yeah. Get boot. Get boosted up. Boost. Get boosted up. Just take this whatever it is, whatever we want. Yeah, especially democracy. Especially with my body, my choice, except for getting drafted or vaccines. Some of my really values democracy.
I love when there is no primary. I love suppression of free speech. No voter ID. I love Jerry Mandarin. Well, that's democracy. That's yet to promote democracy by, you know, by people that aren't a part of that democracy voting in it. Politics, man. Gay politics are gay. So yeah, so we should talk more about, you know, frogs or just kind of gay frogs or Benjamin Button. I could talk about Barney has been trending, I believe, for what? So they found a Barney egg. A Barney egg.
So there's going to be a baby Barney. I heard they found an old Alex Jones. Talk about they found this old Holy City. They didn't think he's this. Well, folks, if you're at land, folks, if you like Alex Jones, you can hear all the Alex Jones stuff second second hand here. So you don't have to go all the way to Alex Jones. You just come to us and we're able to summarize it. It's like we need him to get some good news. I can just be pumping. You'd be such a hype man if he had good news to hype.
Yeah. Just like, did you see this squirrel learn how to ride a skateboard? Oh, remember, they can do tricks. We were watching that 11 that election coverage that you hated the Stephen Crowder one. But when they brought Alex Jones on and you ripped his shirt off, they've been they've been like replaying that on like the Alex Jones thing. I was like, I don't know if I'm going to. We caught that live. That was the one time he did it. It was a special moment.
He's flexing and just let me just start talking about his routine. He was just talking normal. Yeah. A screenshot of a bunch of stuff that I was trying to make like the ultimate highlight of we did it, Joe, and then just show like like trains getting derailed and then just like, you know, like Ukraine getting bomb Gaza, people burning a lot of free Palestine and then Alex Jones like ripping his shirt off.
Yeah. Or when he's like, he's got a whole team making those trains by day trains all night all day. I'm gay. Dan. That should be our intro song. Yeah. So you can you can do the guitar part. Sounds good. So that it's not copyright. Yeah, when you just pretty much you can beat copyrights just rewrite it or just play it yourself and it's not copyright anymore. Yeah, I'll play it. I'll just go. Bram, bram, bram, bram, bram, bram, bram, bram, bram. It's an original. I'll just do it in my voice.
Original take. Oh, they had karaoke the last night we were in Iowa. I was crushing it. Slaying it. Everyone is like just picks the most depressing songs. I did some good. I did some. I did some. I did some highwayman songs. I did Hurt by Johnny Cash. I did I did the reason by Hoopistank. What's that? I found a reason for me to change who I used to be. It's funny just like those kind of songs really probably meant everything to the people they meant something to. Yeah. At the time.
Everyone respects like Johnny Cash, but then it's just I found a reason for that wasn't Johnny Cash. No, I know. Yeah. I'm just saying that's like that's probably smack so hard. Hoopistank, dude. Yeah. I saw some girl in Germany that I followed was posting like Nickelback like remind me of who I really am. She's like God, I love this song. And it's to be ironic. So are the lyrics it's not like you say sorry. Say sorry. Is that what they say? I don't know. It's not like you say sorry.
I think you said so sorry, but maybe you think he's saying. It's really badly. I saw this. I've been up. I've been down. Actually, to the bottom of every bottle. That's a good that's a bar. That's a bar actually. I've been up. I've been down to the bottom of every bottle. A more creative. The less it's going to resonate or be. Yeah. To memorize it. Every bottle bottle of Malort. I don't think so. Is there a connection there? I don't think he's been to the bottom of a bottle of Malort.
Not recently at least. I'll tell you that. I saw Drake Bell stopped his performance of I found a way I found a way. You know, like their song and then he said like, OK, I have to clarify this because if you're going to sing along, you got to sing the right lyrics. And he says, it's like, I'm fucking gay. I'm fucking gay. If you open up your mind or he says like it's like. It's going to take some time to realign real line. It's not realized. It's real line. He's wrong.
Drake Bell got raped by Nickelodeon. So I don't care. So he suppressed the word. So he's wrong. Yeah. Yeah. I know for a fact it doesn't want to realize it's realized. It's over your shoulder. You realize it's over your shoulder. You don't realign. Now, when I found out that those kids got raped on Nickelodeon, I thought childhood ruined yeah. I mean, I can't watch those shows. It's more like Nickelodeon. Does that mean you're talking about all these people at deep stage gets slimed?
Yeah. Yeah. It's just like. I'm just. Yeah. Pelosi and other trading. You're getting slimed. Nancy Pelosi gets slimed. New York is the alien looking guy who parachuted from Mars. He's getting slimed hard. We're gonna slime so many people. We're gonna slime Obama. Slime the swamp. Slime Hillary. Well, we're not political podcast. No, we're not. This is Nickelodeon politics combo. Then Snyder should be locked him up. Yeah. What are they slimed them with? Like. It was like acid slime.
There's always stuff coming out with Disney and Pixar too. And it's just they put perverse messages and symbols or they torture children. And it's like what? What the heck? Yeah. What's that realize all these people are our pet-os? Do we just get a guillotine at the cap like at the Capitol? It's gonna take some time to realize. Yeah. To realize. Yeah. We're not gonna real line back to that. It's a real line.
I mean, it took Pete. It took people a long time to realize that the deep state was watching your show over your shoulder. You know that they're watching you and trying to. And then they just keep turning around. To control you. So just turn around and it's Donald Trump. He's gonna save you. No, in that documentary, like you saying, it just got worse and worse and worse. And I was like, is he talking about the show or he's talking about the abuse? The show too. I remember they had.
It was supposed to be a game cube, but it was a game sphere or something because they didn't want to get. It's like an Xbox too. In a way. Yeah, what a ripoff game cube Xbox. Yeah, we called mine the sex. Be ox. Yeah, we called mine the gay station. Nice. Yeah. Same thing. PlayStation. I mean, PlayStation 2 is the best. The every everything we downhill from there. Yeah, because I stopped playing. Games. But then there's professional games. Losers.
No, you had such a chance to connect with the audience on PS2 and then you made it all about you. Yeah. Well, I just played, you know, the one player games like I played Tony Hawk. I played, you know, Tony Tomahawk. Tony Tomahawk. Very woke Native American. No, he's just a white man can jump. Yeah. You see that 720. Yeah. So do you think that audiences are going to be gay now? That's that. That's what happened last time. Oh, because that's what someone warned me about.
But I showed up to Chris Screva's warned me about. Oh, oh, sorry. Sorry. Back to faking news. Stephen Hofstetter has deported himself from Pittsburgh. Shut down the Steel City Arts Foundation and moved out of Pittsburgh. I take full responsibility for this. I take 100% responsibility for this. Sorry, Steve. Skedaddle. You've ruined Pittsburgh enough. Bad comedy has saved the Steel City of Pittsburgh. We salute you. Pittsburgh comedy scene. And bye-bye, Steve. How come he was never on the wall?
I don't know. We'll get him up there. Just to strike his name off. Yeah, we'll put him by DJ Darksy. Yeah, like you could lower Bob to the bottom and then I'll be like those are the people that pretty much their career is like. Yeah, but it's a good painting. That's the only problem. Yeah. So what was the deal on that? So you paid for that or you traded a painting? I traded a painting for it. What painting was it? It was one of those eros of photo, one of those old Chicago photos.
I got three for a good deal. It was basically a two for three deal from the American Legion. So I traded the other one for that. Bob Keenan's been going off on Facebook. I know you can't see it, but just political posts after political posts. Yeah, I'm sure he's happy with his life. Yeah, he's writing a lot. He's riffing on Facebook posts. Yeah, Bob Keenan is, I mean, a good comedian, fun human. I like his takes. He's like the Steve Hofstetter of Chicago. No, because he has no influence.
Because he doesn't. Kind of you are current of this. He doesn't have a, he doesn't have a indentured servitude compound like Stephen Hofstetter did. This aerial was kind of, because she took a man when he was down. You know, she was named after the song aerials by system of a down. Wow. It's like, life is a waterfall. A thing from the river and nothing at all. Pretty good song. You could sing that karaoke. Yeah. I do sing that a karaoke.
I used to at the, at the cave afterwards because they do like metal karaoke downstairs. System of a down syndrome. It's a fucking hack joke that system or syndrome of a downs syndrome of a downs. And then there's def camp for, for cutie. If you're deaf, deaf con for deaf, deaf con free Palestine, deaf, deaf cab for Peter. He's like, my driver won't respond. Yeah. You ever, I was deaf the other day. And I was like, I can't, I can't, I can't hear nothing. And then you heard that.
And then read that. Yeah. God gave you two years. One time somebody, yeah. And one mouth to suck dick. How do you say heard that in sign language? Heard that. Yeah. Interpreted that. Interpreted that. Here's your sign. Yeah. Like here's your sign language. Yeah. That's the one thing I hate about sign language is they could be saying anything about me. That's why I just like, they did this to me one time. They did this. It was like this sign.
And then they said, this sign, they put their finger across their neck. So they put their, the middle, the finger that's in the middle upwards. And then they put their finger across their neck. Wow. And then, and then they put, did a finger gun type of thing. And then pointed at me. And then I don't really know what that meant. It sounds good. Yeah. It was probably like, it was probably like, it was probably like, I like, it was probably like you have the number one voice.
They're pointing to my neck. And then, and then they're probably saying, you're cool guy. Yeah. I just assume I don't, I don't, I don't speak deaf. To read between the lines sometimes it's just any communication they can do is a miracle. Read between the lines. The Helen Keller thing. Yeah. Helen Keller Poulsen. The Helen Keller moment. The Keller Poulsen die. He's alive. I won't say well. That's what I like thinking of friends or family or just talking about me somewhere.
Just like, yeah, he's not doing well. I just like thinking about it happening and I'll never know. Well, the trees talk. Yeah. I'm alive and well, baby. We got the lot of trees coming down because Chris Grieva's I was saying was warning me that we're about to go through the woke woods. Because of the election, like it's going to swing back to where I didn't realize we were in the edgy times. We're kind of on the edge of the forest, but we're going to go into the thick woke woods.
Well, we have to be very, we have to, we can't follow that. We can't follow the woke pattern. I know, but you gotta say Faggot and retard. No, but I think that there is going to be a lot of resistance. That's how we do better. Exactly. Yeah, but it's not about saying slur. Faggot. No, that's your, that's your, you gotta be an artist. I have a gay brother. Yeah, it's even more reason not to. He says it so much. Yeah, he does. Yeah, but he calls straight people that so.
So, you know, Well, at least he knows how deeply wrong it is. That night he likes it. Yeah, I'm, he sounds like a real comedian. This guy. So prank column. Do you think all the transfer people are going to, they're going to transfer back, transfer back. Yeah. I think that's what's supposed to happen every four to eight years. It was pretty smart of the, you know, the Democrats to run on just like trans issues and abortion. Yeah, it seemed to really work out.
They kind of said, I had death before the transition to the, I like that. And I saw, I think I sent you the video, but it was people protesting in Chicago about, about protesting against like genocide in Palestine. And then also that I sent you a thing below it, showing that Israel and Palestine and right after Trump got elected want peace. Yeah, a bunch of examples that are similar in different countries. Just about. The EU is going to buy gas from us instead of from Russia. Yeah, just a lot.
I don't know, just having their reputations not so bad. No, it's why it's why rhetoric works. Same thing is people, people are going to deport themselves in the time before he gets there. There's going to be a certain amount of self deportation, less migrants will come in in the meantime. This makes us sound racist. No, it doesn't. Illegal immigrants I'm talking about. I know, but just people will say that's racist. I don't care.
And now I'm just saying that's like, I don't think deportation is like, it's bad for them. Good for us, brother. Well, I mean, but it's horrible for them. Yeah, but it's like, it's like a half, there's like 300,000 missing children and like, like a half million murders and rapists. That's not good. That's that's what they're going to that's what they're going to start with. But a nice deterrent is people because like, if we tell them you come here, will you stay in a five star hotel?
We'll give you a debit card and a cell phone. That's not what they call it. They get Debbie's card. Sorry. Terminology. Yeah. If you give them incentives to come, they'll come. Can we keep Ken fluoride? Ken fluoride's got to go. So I can. Yeah. You're getting James Najjar. You're getting the important. Well, James Najjar confirmed terrorist. He's got to go like a Cooper communist. He's got to go. Paul Fair. Brian Crow. He's a bird. So he's got to go get locked in the zoo.
I just hope that the fans just the views probably went down from 150 and our fans are mostly R&Rs, you know, the Greatest and and Gracest. I feel. Yeah, I guess I'm just deeply affected by this. The bike Dwyer comment just makes me think. Oh, yeah. I think we're just like good. That means we're fringe or punk rock. There's better punk rock than other punk rock. We're punk rock, dude. We got to be funny and get people's mind. We're like, we're like Green Day. I do like Green Day.
Yeah. We're just a couple of American idiots. We want to be American idiots. Yeah. With the opposite of Green Day because I want to be an American because now the rebels have flipped the rebels of society. Finally, I accomplished my goal. Yeah. Now, now this is when we explode. This is when we widen our. Yeah. You know, when come town exploded. 2016. It's time for us to explode. Yep. Metaphorically. Yeah. So we can't be like, oh, I can't say things. No, it's not that. It's just.
I can't say things. I feel like it's like a narrower. Yeah. Well, it would be like, fuck, this is all they're talking about. It's also, yeah, I mean, but just mostly like pre and post selection. It hasn't been like a constant thing. It's been pretty constant. Oh, good though. Only like, I just missed a good old days Mac. Like what? What are you going to talk about?
We just talk about doing a deep dive on bees, and then it would show like a clip of you saying like, so today I want us to do a deep dive on bees. Yeah, that's better with a gas. And talk about bugs, bugs life big. I was thinking big daddy. Big daddy. Tom Hanks. What about babe big daddy in the city? A lot of people know Tom Hanks starting big daddy. He was Frankenstein. Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks. Exactly. That's what I'm talking about.
Yeah. What about pinky and give me some brain bitch? Tom Hanks Williams Jr. I like that. Yeah. So he's an actor, actor, pedophile country with a lot of country singer. Like that's why he's an outlaw. I mean, that's dude. Yeah, we're outlaw comedy. We got outlaw president. It's all outlaws, dude. But we got the Hell's Angels sponsor us on the wall. You can't see it on camera. Angel. We got a hell saying shout out to the Hell's Angels of Chicago.
We're sponsored by white class surge, which historically makes me. Hey, don't don't say white. You can't say white. Okay. Sponsored by claw. By the claw because it says what? Remember the remember the no laws when you're drinking claws. Remember the remember the claw and toy story and all the aliens were scared as how? Oh yeah. The aliens were like the pizza place. Yeah. Oh, that was that was timeless. What was that pizza place?
It was the place that the fans right now must be just someone's shaking there. How do you not know it's like some planet pizza, rocket pizza or something? No, I'm thinking about the one that really had really had children kids in the basement. Oh, remember Pizza Gate? Yeah. So they had a bunch of kids making pizzas. Yeah. How come everything we needed we need a new word for scandals aside from something gate. They gave us called the Watergate Hotel.
Now you have deflate gate pizza gate bill gates. Elon was saying his would be elongate. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah, no more gates. Yeah. Elon's kind of a lame though, but he's gate gates. He was like, yeah, I want to call it the Department of Government of Government Efficiency because it's doge. The person across him is not laughing. He's got he just says find simple things. I mean, he does have Asperger's. So he's really, you know, USA.
He doesn't really have all the social cues, but he also has the rest of his brain is just massive on fire at all on all cylinders. So he just categorizes like, oh, this is something people like. Yeah, he does like dogs and he does understand funny stuff in comedy though. Like he he posts funny stuff. He likes he likes to laugh at things. He loves to laugh and live. He likes to laugh about the prospect of going to jail forever if color elected. He's like one of the same my kids again.
I just wonder like there are so many threats to humanity. Like what things could he do if he just had Alex Jones in his ear at all times because he just went and kind of helped save the country helped when Pennsylvania. Well, he definitely he definitely watches Alex Jones clips on X. He's definitely always on X. It's just kind of like he just went. I wonder how he schedules his day into that when he realized that was a threat. Yeah, the threats free speech.
And then like the elections just not being real elections anymore. And so it's like, what else could you be like their turn the frogs gay or something like you'd be like, we need. I mean, that turn out to be real. Yeah. But it's like, what could you want to do for the frogs? Yeah, we got to make go to make frogs straight. Oh, make them hop again. The fries make frogs hop again. I think my Elon impression is just going to be East London cockney accent. We go to Mike go to frog stripe.
We got yeah, sometimes you have an accent sometimes you don't right. Sometimes you have an impression. What about this? It's Elon. Elon. Elon. Alexander Jones. Yeah, it looks like we go to Mike the frog stripe. That's fucking good. That's Alex Johnson Elon Musk makes together but it's Elon from East London. Sometimes it's hard to mix in three things folks. So I mean, you try being a comedian and doing impressions all the time. I get the impression that you probably couldn't do what I do.
Folks, I'm not talking to you Dylan. I'm talking to the folks. Yeah, folks at home. Yeah, could never do this. Yeah, I can't believe my clock is still melted up there. You guys can see this but I have a melted like drippy like kind of like Salvador Dali painting but might actually painted. But if they're melted. Clock is melt. Kind of like yeah, kind of like it's like Salvador Dali Erica Dali raped me. Yeah, meltdown. She's probably a secret listener.
Yeah, just shout out to our secret fans Bobby Buzz push ups thinking about you. Shout out to Bobby Buzz. She's sprinting and just thinking about you at the end of the sprint. Yeah, getting you again owning that ass again. My brother ran ran a marathon. I told him it's a sprint marathon. And dumbass gas himself in the first mile. Retard. Idiot. Like he's running around like that. Yeah, fresh and original. Brave comedy. Why doesn't Bernie Sanders go by Barney? Brave comedy pod. Barney Sanders.
You should go by Barney Sanders. It'll be like, come on kids. That's what you think. But wait, let's all I guess this is more Kermit. Come on kids. Let's all become socialists. We all get the same amount of things. You work harder though than you. You don't work at all. Okay. You got to make it sound more Bernie though. Yeah, well that's just Barney's saying I'm just doing socialist things. Do Kermit in the first place. Hey, hey, I'm Kermit. Hey, how's it going? I'm Kermit the frog.
It's not easy being green. He's got to figure out that insurance for all. Yeah, he's got to figure out. It's for all. Yeah, there's a certain. These fucking. There's a certain part of your vocals that you can. Turn to a certain way to do the. I am not or does. I'm not. I'm not gay. I'm Kermit. I'm not gay. It's not easy being. It's not easy being Merle Haggard. Yeah, Kermit Kermit Sanders Kermit Sanders. It's not easy being a Muppet Kermit was like a name that people used to actually have.
He's the frog of Sesame Street. Well, I was like no Kermits anymore, but that was that's like an old school name that people actually had. Oh yeah. I'm familiar with any current meter to I'm gonna actually you do you actually know Kermit? I know of a Kermit really who the frog. My grandpa. Oh really? Yeah, that's middle name Kermit does my ex-wife's middle name and then Kermit the frog comes in and then steals their thunder in a way out.
Yeah. Someone can't make the dealings the frog now my sister's Franklin the turtle. This is a fan of the Muppets. I might tell her to name her kid Kermit. Someone said I sound like the chef or the Swedish chef from there. I said, I don't sound Swedish. Yeah. What am I a fish? I think I'm just a bunch of gibberish. Yeah. What do I work at Ikea? I see Ikea sounds like it should be like an Asian thing. You know, I tried to get this girl doesn't like it shouldn't Ikea be Asian?
It sounds Asian, but it turns out it's like Swedish. Ikea car. Ikea. Well, okay, so there's Kia the brand. Korea is has the EA. Korea fair. It all comes together. It's backed by the Chinese folks. Ikea is Chinese. They pretend that they're Swedish. Also sounds like a Tia Tamara sister. Well, it's kind of she's an only child Ikea. She's an Asian. It's kind of like a two way twister. Yeah, like hurricane Ikea. Yeah, hurricane Ikea. I like that. Hurricane Tia and Tamara. Once we run out of names.
Yeah. And we need to start doing doubles. So like once we get to Z, we've probably already been there, but we start to be a like like like as an Greg Gartuziak Hunter Hirsch Hunter Hirsch Ike Ike what's Ike's last name? Ike Ike Ike Ikelbaum No we need real ones Ike Abad Ike I want to ooh alright I need to write these down for my sister Ike Abad Gary Goldman Ike Abad and Kermit are two good names for a kid Oh I already did G did we did we even do the alphabet right just now?
We just skipped uh skip G yeah and one other one I think Gary Goldman then we need G Kermit Ike Abad What about Horace? What about Pete? Horace is a good What about Mary? What about Bob? No I want What about Bob? Well the last name is I guess you know what his last name is? The husband? Gary Jones You know what his last name is? No Bork Is that BJ Bork? No W Bork It's really insulting to do that What?
We don't excuse yourself for the fans You use you a fans But just quality and comedy What are you? Inherently being a people please What are you? That's an alliteration Alliteration is symmetry What are you offended by my burp?
They just might just be kind of I think that's what just Bernie's floating out This might be like I think that's like a worse product No I think that burp just Bernie's floating out No it might just be like You know it just makes even worse Oh Maybe Well I'm gonna I'm gonna ask the audience to excuse themselves from being offended I think there's a comic Jake Something Jake Johnson Joe John Joe I have a friend named Jacob Johnson There's one who's funny has a good 50 cent Material
Yeah I like 50 cent We've done enough of this And Calum No we haven't It's not even alphabet I do the sigma bet Um So never give up Work hard, dream big Keep smiling and be positive Lisa Lampinelli Mark Marin Is that gonna be a nick or just a nate Or just a Yeah Neo I don't know whatever anything is to end Even when I'm spelling out something phonetically My brain is like just breaks Because I only know one thing off the bed You can see all paths in your mind Yeah they only go to one spot
There's so many names I could probably find Mm-hmm Um but Work hard, never give up, dream big Be positive, keep smiling Uh project, paton I'm looking at my gay corner And it's just one of the corners You have your four pillars of success You have the gay corner Gay corner Straight corner, the bi corner Yeah that's the cool And then the pan corner The success corner, the nothing corner Well this one is where you got the lights The lights we never use Zeke Zugler We have Zeke Zugler for Z
Yeah, we got Yoni Geisler Yeah Zeke Zugler Oh we've had a lot of cards decline Xavier Lamont I'm not happy about it So what are we down to Well I have to hit up these people whose cards have declined It'd be cool if just you know If our baddie army was ever just like You think about the people in your life and you're like This person actually, this person probably would like I should do a heavy recommend to this person Or it's like a Yeah maybe you should recommend us
Word of mouth is just the best Yeah it's better than word of ass Word of mouth is almost as good as working that mouth Yeah hey guys get out there maybe post some signs Sign up for bad comedy You know like the elections are over Now it's time to join bad comedy Like give us a confidence we need Give us a confidence boost Just like the Alex Jones seaweed extract supplement You can buy that at AlexJonesstore.com SeriousNider Tignataro Queenie, Queenie bitch Yes Rhonda Rousey What is Queenie bitch?
What is it? What are they? I think I heard that It like maybe Queenie bitch like either doesn't tell people Because they like seeing people kind of Act all weird and nervous when they like don't know Oh so they're androgynous I think that's what it's called Maybe but I think maybe just a guy Well I know that Matt Brown is just a gay man It's like you're super trans But then part of the bit for some people I guess is Matt Brown has the Seeing you squirm Matt Brown has the swaggest sports coat so
Like a like all it's like all all sequins I got a cool fucking joker Oh I can have a joker coat I'm gonna see if I can borrow a Matt Brown Sequin jacket for maybe I'll bring back Elton John Ledley Matt Brown yeah like Miss Brown he said he put her to death Oh this is the name Matt Brown now on the thing Yeah I said like this is like the burial of Miss Brown Or something that's like That happened recently Yeah I said like this is a fictional character That's a Trump effect
But so this is a fictional character Maybe the matrix the matrix is finally broken And we're back to reality It's we're back to the 80s folks Wet t-shirt contests We're back to we're back to jet skis Wherever you can get flights in high school You can get huge guns Yeah we're America's back folks yeah no more no more worries You know the song don't worry about that thing That's actually what that song was about Well the problem with that song is it was written so long ago
Might be time to worry again Every little thing it can be a right Don't worry you know that you got that Be happy right It was uh it was Every little thing It was Bob Gupter It's gonna be alright It's gonna be alright He's talking about the Right most love Don't worry about that thing It's gonna be alright Every little thing he's talking about the house and the sun It's gonna be alright Yeah but we are the alternative to the right and the left Yeah we're a dorsal fin
But we're a dorsal fin that that can switch anyway You never know Raise middle class One day yeah you you know you guys know that we were born middle class And it's we were born raised middle class And uh we just want an opportunity economy really Before my uh B what's it called B B W I had a middle I had I just want an opportunity economy Yeah You know Just like So what My teacher the economy doesn't exist Yeah And then I fucked a bitch in that class
Because I was just telling her just nonsense I was telling this teacher Oh dude the stock market I didn't impress the girl The stock market's been been booming Yeah but the stock market doesn't exist ladies That's some girl math for you Yeah you know That's that baddie math Yeah That shit ain't even real Oh god I was gonna go up to the veggies and say What's this white boy doing with these wack ass shoes I was really excited to get on stage and just kind of Say stuff like I've done that
On god and stuff I've done that Yeah but it's funny you're my voice because it's very monotone and Yeah Unsure Monotone Monotone Monotone My name is monotone My voice does not fluctuate but it actually kind of does My voice is monotone like what do you mean I sound Jamaican Yeah This monotone You're monotone yeah monotone I remember being in I think it was like Oh no somewhere down there Somewhere Somewhere along the way They were just like Uh yes sir can I show you my talent
And it was it was like on a cruise excursion or something or they let us out of the boat And then they were just all saying the same line like Sir can I please show you my talent I don't know what you were talking about It was like uh people trying to make sales like Like just what's It was the same talent I think that he was there but then he was a spectacle Yeah They were like You can't eat from the same talent
Imagine him in China so he went to Japan but I want to see him go to China and walk around and people would be like Oh This is this big man he elephant This this the American elephant pig The fatest man and biggest man in the world ugly too Yeah in Japan they call him pigzilla Pigzilla yeah No pigzilla He was walking around downtown everyone's sort of running away Pigzilla run The government had no answer Yeah Yeah shinzo well shinzo got shot but he also saved trump
People were trying to jump off the building Did you watch the video I sent you I was just catching them and eating them Did you watch the video I sent you Of which one Shinzo was one of the yeah he was the leader who got shot Well trump or trump was in office No he got shot in 2022 but he was the Japanese guy in office during trump's time And then he got assassinated in 2022 Yeah but then he's saying like oh so that's why he was the wise dream He's like don old I will save you don
He's like use your training move your head Yeah I saw bill burr talking about it too he's saying like I feel like that guy couldn't get shot because he's just such a spaz and he's like moving all the time And he was trying to do a trump impression so he doesn't even know about my chart Yeah he doesn't know about my chart What he's saying just like I feel like the guy couldn't even get his aim on him because he's just Doing all these movements
When I got drunk this past weekend I was doing that voice a lot Oh I believe it and they loved it Yeah I was like I love these cookies And so what percentage of people there were trump fans versus Everybody not from Chicago But then so people your immediate family was there too and they're Well, but just well my my uh brother-in-law is He's his because I did trump around my sister, but he's trump. Oh, yeah
So he really is the one that goes in the booth and votes for what he really believes. Well, I don't know He doesn't parade it. I don't know if he voted Oh, because he didn't want to get into a fight Damn But then it's a half a fight, but or he secretly voted I don't know. That's rough dude Tucker and vick we're talking about I wrote in Donald trump because I don't want to any divisiveness Yeah, and like I was so close to writing us in I wouldn't don't yeah because uh You know I I could not Oh
The machine wasn't working. So I wrote in Donald trump. We should just run our own like election I think for a Chicago comedy and Yeah, if we're the ones controlling it, then we can just pick whoever and it won't be corrupt We'll just pick who the people vote for us pick who the best podcast is plus however many votes we need to get us But there's still no what else Aaron chase podcast. What was that? There's one that was like second to us
No, there was the an improv one. Yeah, the improv one was one that was like like doing okay And there's a roast battle one roast battle one. We were destroying. I just feel like because we won by so much I just doubt Jerry's, you know well again because at least Whatever happens. It's okay. I have a lot of blackmail on Jerry Yeah, I have a lot of white males. Oh, yeah, he's persian You know, so he runs the media
As long as you have blackmail on the media. I have blackmail and Kyle Lane Yeah, I mean we're the number one news source probably Yeah, it's like Right now we've been doing world news American news
But there is healthy room for let's do some international news. So the ghost of shinzo So I did trump visited trump is from the sky and and told them to remember his training and to move his head And then as the bullet was coming at trump the ghost of shinzo reached his hand down to move the bullet a little bit And then saved him So world news Well, we already went over some every terrorist group is like they gave up I saw jerry jeremy fragrance. He posted a bible. Who's that?
You know, he's number one influencer besides me. No I thought I saw your Carlson He might be number one a Yeah, lower case What up? Well, what a jeremy fragrance. He posted a bible verse that said I am he And he didn't even I don't think he even gets it saying I am him You know a guy say I am him Yeah And he didn't he just was talking about jesus or something. I'm now so this this guy
Paul or something was saying he's being racist. I am him fucking that's racist if you if you That's like making a statement that you're a toxic man He's a blonde hair blue eyed You can't no you can't just say you're a man. That's toxic masculinity Everyone starts as non-binary and then they pick when once they can talk There should never be a gender reveal party Well, actually it's not revealed until the kid says what they are Yeah, but then they have these parties they celebrate being binary
I saw a girl seeing the womb. You're a woman until you're a man or something I don't know what that means. I think it's the opposite You it just depends how big your dick is and it's it's the opposite uh Yeah, but you're a man until you're a man is a Detransition woman In the womb you start off as a a little a little boy And then if god realizes that you're not worth it to be a man, then they push your penis It's inwards inwards
Now so he's Jason said that his dick was so big it was wrapped around his neck. No That was a lie. It turns out he told me a secret that he actually had he's more of a vagina Oh, what? This guy is just full of fucking. Yeah Is he the riddler? Yeah, he said the doctor said he has a man's eye. No It was actually his long girl hair that was wrapped around his neck. Oh my gosh
I didn't know that that was the carpet match the drapes. Yeah, sorry Jason. I wasn't I wasn't supposed to tell anybody about that I was gonna be one of my comebacks. Of course. He made fun of my baldness. But yeah, it's too late now. Yeah, way too late neither I was pretty traumatized, but then I got some good comments. Oh, we do have to have we can maybe we can get around this week as a guest Yeah, maybe we'll have to roast her back. Yeah one-way roast. Yeah. We'll just do fat jokes No
He's not even fat. I know that's why it's funny here It's like no, let's not bring up that I'm gonna You're scary Yeah, I love that term scary. Oh, I rolled my ankle playing kickball Oh, really? Yeah Damn with the fam. Yeah Damn, just a family kickball. You think you're gonna have a good time. You roll your ankle Yeah, but the awesome thing was I was I was elevating and icing my ankle and people just brought me stuff
Oh, yeah, and I was like I had to roll my ankle more often milk this. Yeah, I milked it out of it I was like bring me some chocolate. I was like, oh, could you please bring me dinner? Please bring me a second Like I can't fight for seconds. Can you please? Yeah
That's awesome. Please bring me a cookie The blessing in disguise maybe and then If your team loses then We lost because it got injured it was adults first kids and adults lost But if you had but I think I think that my aunt yeah, I think she was a uh She was a double agent I think because it was a big kickball. It was like a yoga ball She had the catch and then would drop it. I think on purpose and I was
Just p owed I would have been real ticked off. I was ticked. I was like what the heck I'm gonna pop this kick still kickle school stand How to yell at her? Yeah, I kind of did I said you bitch How dare you defy me Oh, you choke right when all the pressure's on the championship you lend these kids
It's develop a hubris. Yeah, I said, oh, you're gonna choke on the field. Well, I'm gonna choke you and then I choked her On the ground the whole family was like max stop and I said I said it was a prank Everyone thought it was hilarious, which is a foolproof excuse That's the that's the best thing about pranks is you can do anything you want
You say it's a prank then. Yeah, and you're all good I guess it's uh at tesla when I got in trouble the first time they were like dealing your energy is like Just kind of that's how this conversation started, but I got him to admit that I was just too entertaining He's either too entertaining or too funny or something And then that's how I like I mean either of those Yeah, but it was like I got him to say it. So to me that's
That's what happened. Yeah, I was just too entertaining. So you're a low key salesman. That was the problem. Yes I sold my boss. He tried to sell me a used tesla at one point He's just kind of I don't think it would have been worth it It's probably cheaper than buying a new one back then and we worked there, but it would have been like Probably not worked like a year later because the software update. So it's like yeah That's the thing with those is this software trying to scare me
Yeah, it's going on buddy. Yeah tesla should be kind of like apple Like like iPhones, you know, you get a lease and then you trade it in and then you get the newest one That's kind of what it's like the iPhone of cars. Yeah a lot of people be leasing. It's kind of like the i-car of phones Yeah So I thought I was getting just an iPhone. I got a car a car phone Let me get this way a car a phone, but it's also a toy car
And it's like a transformer. Yeah But you can't say that you can't say trans I wonder if that movie did better or worse during the whole trans movement And then you see I have a backpack that says transport on it or something. It's like what are you talking about women's boxing? Jan you talking about women's It's a good backpack. I guess it's Well, just instantly became yeah, what is it? What's the what is the transfer?
Transportation secretary do in the cabinet do they deport trans people? I think it's Pete Buttigieg Yeah, he's gay. You wouldn't think that he would deport trans people transport Who knows dude? It's like what do you I say trains all day Pete but but but fuck. I'm sure nobody's ever said that No, I mean I'm sure I'm the first one to say that a guy with the last name but and he's gay It's rough and you wonder nature or nurture
Already had some to do with Pete butt judge. He but he judges man's assholes a lot So yep, I want to fuck that one. Yeah. He's well. He's a powerful guy. So you probably Peter He probably lines up the buttholes and he's like You win and then Peter means penis a pecker. Yeah So his name is basically dick ass Well, I tell you I have a grand uncle named dick sass Really? No, you go. I don't know why he goes by dick No way. That's where to go. That's why Yeah, sass my ass Yeah, he could go by rich
Rich sass. That's fine. You could he could go cool. You could go by Richard sass Ricky Ricky says Sassy, I love Thomas. Massey sassy. Massey. I was gonna try to find out. I hope to go. They put him in the cabinet. Yeah They need more highlights. Um, yeah, he says it's probably you sending those text messages pack your bags Everyone's saying pack your bags pack up your stuff
Yeah, that get ready. And I think it's nice even for the immigrants or if you're in the deep state Because you know how tough moving can be sometimes it's good to have a head start Sometimes you're saying just start packing now. Yeah a little bit each day. Yeah, so we're like immigrants pack their bags Um, during this period, we're gonna let the deep state pack their bags. We're gonna a lot of time to pack their bags
You shouldn't take that one. You can donate some stuff. Maybe you can sell some stuff. Yeah, weird stuff. Shred some documents Yeah, I should have some documents to leave some evidence. Yeah By the time it's time to move, you know what moving not so bad The weather's better in Mexico. How do they make sure that they don't just Just shred everything Well, they kind of can't but I feel like there's still a paper trail of
When you're deleting a shit ton of stuff. Yeah, they have to have something like that It's still gonna be some kind of water marks. Well because they do have like the Inspector general who's supposed to look over all that but the He's in the pocket of like the other guys. They're all like in collusion Because he's the guy who like Who wouldn't say how many FBI agents are wearing a chance six Yeah, that was that was when that was a nasty Massey was actually grilling him
Exactly though, but then you send these people a warning like no, we're taking the power back. Yeah, and then for them It's like, okay Do I want to do anything that's gonna make me look worse right now? Or do I say well, so that's why I think that Trump Uh, just went with the whole Iranian people were trying to kill him, you know, instead of saying that it was a deep state
Because he didn't want the deep state to the think that he was onto them. Yeah, then they would have tried more stuff But then like on the on the second assassination attempt Like don't delete any evidence and all that and it's just like you want to get spared a little bit Yeah, you're gonna lose your job. But do you want us to go after you for charges? Yeah We might I wonder yeah, well, we'll see what happens in the next
In the period before he's president. Yeah, take a bullet for him now. Yeah, I mean I mean he could He's friends with uh Sean Ryan who runs what used to be black water and he also has a podcast. Have you seen listen to Sean Ryan show? He has a podcast and he's the CEO of what used to be black water, but it's a mercenary Uh group and he could just Sean Ryan could just like provide him an army to Damn, but apparently I was listening to or I saw a clip from Patrick bet David doing who that is um
The guy thinks he's super cool businessman. Oh, yeah um, he said when Trump came the FBI or not the FBI the Whatever the security detail secret service plus whatever extra uh The Trump probably has the secret service plus his own people that he has to just to be safe um, but He said that they came there every day for a week So like just Just check out the whole studio and they had to press like every button on their on everything on their other sound equipment
It's just to make sure that none of it was like to trigger anything Wow, um, uh, it's pretty funny That's good at least and then it's like and then oh and then I guess on that day Like they said they said there was like 40 vehicles outside like two helicopters And he he wasn't allowed to tell anybody that Trump was coming on then on that day And uh, so he wasn't allowed to tell his wife until the day before
Oh, damn and like he pulled up in his Porsche and then instantly like a german shepherd hopped on So he's he's
He's trying to make sure he doesn't die. Yeah So I don't I honestly don't think he'll be on airplanes much I think no matter what I think that's where he's most vulnerable is on a plane Where yeah, there's nowhere to run or they could just blow it up or yeah, but I think he'll be a lot I think he'll be allowed to have anti Uh, missile Uh jets You know what they like shoot like they they heat things behind them Only things just like no matter what but I take off for landing stuff
There's a million things they could do but I think him getting elected and then It's almost like oh if you shot him then Like he basically won the election by surviving. Yeah, I mean it's like if they did some to him now It would be like a forever stay. It would be a civil war. I mean that's like they weren't it wouldn't change He was gonna have power but then if him and JD vans both got like shot down in an airplane Then there would be a civil war It's like uh
Yeah, I feel like it'd be asking more trouble long term. Yeah, I think Gavin Newsom talked about like seceding It's like okay. Okay go No 40% of the people there voted for Trump But then it's like right now it's like kids in the palestine or whatever are gonna hate like israelis for life So it's like if you want to make people hate democrats for life, then yeah Try to do something but oh also, um but uh
Who's the governor j.b. Pritzker? He said he said if you want uh Uh If you got to want to come at uh Illinois laws you got to get through me first. He's so soft He's a big guy. He's not yeah, but Okay, if they're doing an Oklahoma drill and football, Donald Trump will run him over I think I just remember reading about how it's like he was like like removed all the toilets and like some homes he owned
To make it so they were technically like you couldn't live there. So there are different Different type of status And at the time I thought that was dirty. I'm like that was dirty Like compared to like all the other shit that happens. It's like that's not that's just kind of smart Trump's talked shit about him. He said that like uh But then he was also praising okay, he's from like uh The he's a billionaire too and trump was like
He got kicked out of this. He got kicked out of the family because he was terrible at it He said his whole family hates him It's like jb is kind of a unique abbreviation It's cool. Oh, it probably stands for uh Jewish Jumbo Jumbo blimp Fred's car Why we need a different guy Yeah, we just need everyone to be uh Good, that's why I was thinking drain the swamp in linole Yeah, well, we I'm okay with california is succeeding because I know they will not succeed Oh
Yeah, I was thinking you meant like they would just like give up with that. So no, no, no like leaving the us So someone dropped map of like all the states have voted for It's basically like new york city in new york city and up. Yeah, and then like you would dip down and got california You know, they might have put chicago in there too, but
Um, no chicago. We won't go Chicago Yeah, we got enough illegal guns on the south side that like that like trump Some part of me just loves the idea of thin my black chicks movie of being making that phrase work only in the movie You've seen shoot that movie is gonna happen probably Yeah It's yeah, you don't believe in me. Have you written the screenplay? I wrote that one scene What you did you guys see the writing?
No, you don't deserve to see the writing. I don't think you wrote it. It's all in a pinger I pretty much wrote it. Oh, so you have a concept of a plan. I have written part of it before already Where it was just it started as a bit where I'm like maybe Like I would say after an edgy joke like uh, I understand why don't get booked that much And then people would laugh at that and then I would say like a bunch of reasons and then the reasons was like
30 deep and I was like fuck. I'm actually kind of Not that easy to book Yeah, and so it was a real life situation which you'll it'll be based on Well, you got seen will be based you got to buy a typewriter and sort of type you know My dad said the in college he he paid someone to type for him because it was just Such a different world back then that used to be a major is on a type writer. You can be it was a major being a typist
That's great. Now it's a major being a racist, but then it's like I remember one of my teachers was like A math teacher you're gonna hand this to me. You got a ponytail You can hand this to me. It's not it's not even Typed up. It's on hand written like If you work for a company and you're gonna turn something in like you're gonna have a hand written or something. I was like Dude, you have a ponytail You should have told him uh, I could tell you about some good handwritten things
What about the constitution the declaration of independence ever heard of that ponytail? Yeah You look like one of those like you're wearing one of those wigs from what that those guys were wearing I thought that you might respect this ponytail. Oh, yeah, I thought that you were from the wig party. Yeah, so things Real fucking only were
Smarter back then say how about this handwritten death threat? Yeah Now we're talking I actually typed up a death threat and you have like a long you have a death threat All the reasons you want to kill him I use this like kind of scrapbook look in font looks like it's cut out from yeah Yeah, I did come from different magazines. Yeah, it's more intimidating. I think yeah That's the kind of thing that the Joker Yeah, well
Just showing my notebook. I think that was Jack Nicholson joker. I think wasn't it? What had what sketchy notebook? The other letters would be just like different magazine letters probably but then I saw like I think the most recent joker had a notebook like that I I haven't seen that movie because tim dillon see he said he's he's he haven't seen that one I mean just when he was talking when he was talking to rogan. He was saying it was so bad
That's like that's not even like it's it's watchable. Yeah His rant was really funny when he was talking about it the first week or whatever was just Like his agents like this might be really big for you. You could be in the worst movie of all time Yeah, and then the next week he did a fake apology at the beginning On behalf of paramount No, it seems but my problem is that when I saw the preview for it. I was like I get it
Like I get the concept. I think it's awesome. I think you might like it I think I would love it because you like musicals like cats Yeah, and to me there's no barrier from the original film to this one where it's kind of his own musical ideas
To me. I just think yeah, of course you would have like I just liked mainly a musical version What I remember about this scene is that he did stand up and then it just turned out that no one laughed at the other at the other thing And then I was like, oh well the first one good thing the second part never happens to me, you know Oh, yeah, because I always get the laughs
Right like when you're doing karaoke, so I didn't really get it. Yeah With the stand-up part, but I the most of I laughed out loud in the theater And this is a Logan theater and in Logan Square when he did the knock knock joke What did he say? He said uh He's something about kids dying in a driving accident or something Really? Yeah, and then no one laughs in in the crowd. Yeah
What a narcissist. He's all like people hate me because I'm mentally handicapped or Yeah, because I'm sad or people don't understand the mentally ill and they should make a Yeah, the Crohn's Joker like they've always taken me down. They've never they've always hated me because I've had Crohn's The Crohn's joke. I had two assholes and you laughed at me
Who's the asshole now? Yeah. All right. We gotta close this off. Let's do more Joker voice on our way out I just think you're gonna follow me at bad boy of comedy on everything and join patreon.com says bad comedy
My doctor said I wasn't an artist. No, that's something a ghost My doctor told me that I was a little girl when I was a little boy And he chopped my penis off now I have a pussy and You know how I got this pussy, you know how I got this pussy You want to know how I got this pussy I was a young I was a young boy And my teacher was a girl my teacher told me because I seemed gay that I was a girl and then they
Chopped my penis off and made it a pussy. I have two assholes And they you want to know how I got this pussy? You know, you want to know how I got this penis? I bought it. I was a young girl people called me a tomboy and the doctor said you're a boy And then They turned my pussy into a penis What a gender reveal And then I Then I detransitioned But then I realized I was a boy and I retransitioned How many times can you go back in full war jokes on me?
But today the joke's on you the joke is my penis Look at look at my penis It's a pussy look at my pussy And he was clapping I clapped him I got him I slapped his ass and here we go you squirtle Slime you want to know how I got this pussy How did you get this pussy? I was a young I was a young boy I was born a non-binary. I was a young little boy seemed kind of gay I went to the doctor and they said
You're a girl. I'm a strong independent woman And then they sent me straight to the hospital and chopped off my penis Was that a good idea and then they gave me a pussy So that's how I got this pussy I'm against gender affirming. Look at look at my pussy Look at me. Look at my pussy. Do I look like a woman with a plan and here we go No, it doesn't have to be moist Do I look like a woman with a plan? Do I look like a man?
Look at my pussy. Look at my pussy. He's looking his lips a lot. Which lips should I like today? Why do I have a pussy? He has the makeup on his pussy. The pussy bush is all green. You could go to the loops. Sorry to you folks that didn't listen to this far. This is the best funniest part. Here we go. He squirts all over her. Where is Rob? I love Rob. He's trope too. I love Rob. Where's the cat man? He has a pussy too. They call me cat woman. We gotta go on that. Because I have a pussy.
Follow Dylan at bad comedy baddie. Comedy baddie. Follow me at the bad boy of comedy. And folks, sorry for the late episode. We're gonna have a guest episode later on. Maybe we'll get Courtney and she beat us both in roast battle. So we're gonna see if we can... Will you be the air and judge of that? We'll roaster back double. Or we might get Bill Burr.