Hey everybody, welcome to Bad Comedy Podcast. My name is Zach O'Ryan. If you're a white listener, if you are a black listener, I was good. Welcome to the Bad Comedy Podcast fam. My name is Zach O'Ryan and I hear with my boy was good. My name is Magic Thumbs. Kyle Allen. Oh, I'm dressed up as Kyle Allen. Are you Zach? Oh, I thought we were doing Kyle Allen. Oh, no, I'm Zach O'Ryan. Okay, well, I got the biggest hack award taken
down. Oh, you poor guy. Yeah. Or wait a minute, you great guy. Yeah, whatever you need. I deleted everything. So I'm good. Whatever you need to hear. I mean, I deleted everything. So I'm good. Yeah, you're good with it. I'm all good. Who's this guy? I don't know. He looks scared. I'm scared of him. I'll be scared. Scary. As the black say, you're scary. Spice pack three box odd numbers. Yeah, it's kind of like West side is kind of looks like a
three. So, oh, wow. 20 BB gun was guys 24. That's not a BB guys friends and family. This guy and this guy made me terrified for my life. What is it? Should I call the cops? What are you holding? Should I call the cops or have him drown in his teeth? Are you talking to that? There's no change here. Are you talking to that BB gun? This is my gun. This is a real gun. That's a real gun, but I'm no cap. I was like, it's made of plan. I'm Zach. I'm
scared of guns. That's a gun from the Christmas story. No, actually, probably. Yeah, but you know what happens in that story? They shoot. They shoot his eyes. Shoot his eye. You shoot your eye out, pal. Yeah, it's like to lose an eye. That's why I always miss that whole movie is based on him. Shoot his eye out. Why don't you just give him safety glasses? Give him some oval. It's when I could defeat a movie in one sentence. Yeah, like how I defeated
heavyweights and dodgeball kind of that is a great movie. Every time I see a ginger, I think of the bully from from what was it called again? San la I think a San la. That shit was filmed in a Hammond Indiana. Yo, I'm dealing with Hampton Indiana shit. Dylan, you're in our frame a little bit. You need to get a refrain, but how my frame I can move it a tiny bit, but move it that way. I feel like I've been framed. Who framed Roger Rabbit?
Who framed Dylan Rabbit? That's a good movie frame Dylan. Actually, I was wearing these sunglasses or we had I had them at power hour a couple of weeks ago and then you know, everyone's like all the Morpheus glasses, but Zach Albers interpret them as the glasses that the villain in who framed Roger Rabbit was wearing. You remember he takes off his glasses and then his eyes pop out? Well, no, I don't remember. You don't remember? No, I don't remember.
I don't know what to do here. Because Dylan's in your frame down here. What to do? What to do? I mean, I can just lean back. I usually end up leaning back. Yeah, just lean back. Yeah, then the bigger my double chin grows. I want to be a class. This right here should be a clip, dude. Yeah, well, this is how you keep yours around this stuff like this. You're moving the camera around. What side? Where we? Well, guys, so that's OBS, the program
we're using this kind of tutorial on how to use it. And we like to in each episode do a little thing. So that's how you move the different screens. I'm going to have to do a little adjustment. It's kind of some behind the scenes stuff. Yeah. So if you guys want to start a podcast, I mean, we're here to help you out. And we can give you the tools to be at your own boss. And we might even swap Patreon subscriptions with you if you
charge more than us. Yeah, that's our only if the bad deal money. Yeah, it's gotta be a bad deal. I love losing money because that means I'm having a good life. Yeah, I'm blowing the money on cool shit money. Yeah, money is the root of all evil. Exactly. Yeah, I mean, Lobo didn't sponsor by us, which makes us look like like we're like we're badass is yeah, no, but we sponsor them for more money. No, I mean, which makes them with
their sponsored by us, dude. We're not even sponsored by them. They unsubscribed. No, this did they they're not. Yeah, but since we since we pay more of their sponsored by us, we're not sponsored by them. So we sponsor that. So we're the big company. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you can help people out of cell Connor McGregor, his opponent, he gave to his opponent's charity as an insult. Psychological. Exactly. That's a psychological trick. I have
so much money I can even help you out. Those poor sick kids. Yeah, getting played like that. Exactly. They're pawns. Yeah, why bring kids into it? Why bring why hurt the sick kids feelings? Yeah, no, they don't want no Connor McGregor money. No, leave the kids out of
money. Yeah, keep them keep the money next time, Connor McGregor, because that's just that's taking advantage of kids and they don't learn how the value of a dollar, which some very important or learn from a young age, you want to know how can I buy a house someday? You can't. So speaking of broken a kid, speaking of actually, this is a thing for Patreon. I want to monetize your mind. This is not for Patreon. You know, I feel like it's probably
money dollars. It's not what it used to be. Huh? The almighty dollars, not what used to be. It's true. Fuckers used to ask you for a dollar nowadays. The fuckers went ask for three. He has inflation and the chitchat chopper Devon, the dude song really. I was referencing a little way. Numbers do we want the whole song is called the almighty dollar and he just talks about how expensive everything is. It's talks about it. Yeah, he doesn't
understand inflation. Well, he does. He understands that he just hates it. Yeah, you want to do a reading from the book of Wayne? I'm a Millie. We don't have the book of Wayne. You could do a reading from the book of Devon, the dude. Devon, the cushions, Michael. Yeah, that's a good one. Honestly, I was thinking about the big Lebowski earlier. I'll see you. Because of how Jason looks, but it's not even like was Kyle Allen. That was probably because
you're probably looking at me and you'll have the music robe. And it was like the big, the big fat guy. Yeah. But dude is pretty cool. Dana is cutting off the circulation to my brain. I know you have an excuse for your brain. Maybe your brain is my brain is failing legit. It just fell you to thrive. Shout out to Jason's joke about you pour alcohol on your brain and make it stop growing. Yeah, my brain like that concept. My brain's
got SIDS. Yeah. Sid from Toy Story. Yeah. I drove down a bumpy street. Now my brain's got SIDS. I do like toy story. I feel like my chin. There's a circle here and I don't know what that is on Buzz Lightyear's chin. Is that a little hair? Is that a dimple? It's a butt chin. He has a little swirl. It's a butt. It's a butt chin. I got a butt chin as well under my beard. Do you really? Yeah. It's kind of sucks because I get poop all in
my beard. Oh man. If you ever shave your beard dude, it's so fucking gross. I wouldn't even hang out with you. I might shave it if I ever do this project. I will never do it. I might shave it and actually shave my head. Some of my bold as well. If you do that, you're banned from the black acids. I want to do a thing called Frasier 2. Oh yeah. So I would be, I would play Frasier. No, did you see that? I would get my hair cut like Frasier.
I was going to send you. You know like balding and then no beard. Did you see they brought Frasier back? They brought it back. They're doing a remake. I know. I was kind of disappointed because I've had this idea for years and have not acted on it. Yeah, you should do Frasier 2. You probably should have acted on it. But also maybe I should act on it now because they're remaking it. Maybe when does it come out? Do you know? I don't know. But that's a good
thing to do. Like I thought of Frasier 2 first. No, you're a, you're a, that's a Dan joke. Steelmouth move. Yeah. What is it? Me or you? That's interesting. Trying, trying right on the back of a, yeah, the other one, you know, who taught 20 years and then do it. You know, talk Frasier into doing it again was Tim Allen who stole your pansexual job. So this guy's a thief. Tim Allen, I should have some idea for a home improvement. Yeah.
That's my idea. Well, my idea was a show. No, mine is doing a home. Where is dad also has a TV show where he's listeners on YouTube. I love doing home improvement. I thought they were doing a joke. I said, how about an HGTV show inside of a show about a dad? So he's a dad. He's kind of a relatable average guy. Shark Tank was shit. Not my head then, but look what happened. I went to, I went to Best Buy and I wanted to get this. So this is a
HGTV and this is back when that was the newest, hottest thing. And then I have a bought it. I was super excited. I brought it home, turned out the whole time. It was just an HGTV. It only had that channel on it. And it was in like 10, 80. It wasn't even in HD. You got robbed. Yeah. You know, they went lemburi. They said no returns. I was like, I'm not going to need to return this cool. You got Tyler Perry. Yeah. I suck at gardening.
You know that I'm so bad at gardening. I literally have a red thumb. I bet that sticks out. What though? What the hell? You're like, Mr. Hands. Call me to magic thumbs. He touches now because I never handed a girl, but I have thumbed her. Yeah. He's been thumbing women. I quit fingering years ago. That's baby stuff. It's about I, Freddie, I fingered Freddie. Fingering is for babies. I think you're Freddie and it's like him of that movie. Fingering is
for victims. My left hand, my left thumb will be a good movie. Maybe my left thumb. You just lose circulation. It's still fine to make it work. It's still pretty hard thumb. So I'm just a thumb. So I'm trying out. So what? Sorry that I stole your whole bandana look. I'm actually a cow. And I'm just dressed up as them. Yeah. Sorry I tricked you. I'm Zach O'Ryan, but I'm talking to a white person. I'm three. Oh, it was good. Three. It's good.
But a lot of these whiteies, they be calling me three pack. Yeah. Well, since you got a few ideas, would you order something and then you got three smaller versions and it's somebody packed. So we drank half of your sodas. Yep. I went to Wendy's, you know, and I know you're three pack. There's a combo. I saw the for a combo meal. And I thought this is like a, I thought about is it combos like the snack? Yeah. No, that's really good. I've actually
had the same thing happen to me. We could split a six pack. Well, it just reminded me of the food combos. I didn't like it was actually combo. I thought it actually was. It's kind of stupid. Why would they have? No, I don't know. So it's McDonald's since it didn't have combos. I remember that. So this is a combo on the meal thing too. And then this is a lie. They call them value meals. No, and they gave me, no, they gave me value. They gave
me combos. Snoop says this is containing false information. Oh, where are you looking at Snopes? Whenever I think someone's lying, I look it up. I have a tell a Snoop. You want camera? Snopes from far away. You want camera now, Jason? You can go. I'm your boy. I have a tell a Snoop. He can spot a lie from a mile away, Jason. Jason. I've been doesn't even have to hear the people. You can see my thumbs light up. You think I've been working on this
in the background, Jason? I don't realize my thumb lights up. It's like his Pinocchio. You think I have been working on this in the background, Jason? I've been on the phone with my lawyer since eight a.m. My thumb is going because I've been on the phone with my lawyer since eight a.m. Oh, really? Knowing to prove that you're lying. Wow. You're lying so hard right now. My thumbs turned red. Yeah, I did. My thumbs turned red when people lie.
Yeah, it's like really embarrassing for him. It's one of my powers. It seems more like a defect. I also could tell the future. They're always like, why is he always clenching his fists? He's hiding his thumb. Yeah, it's actually his thumbs are throbbing because the diabetes he's in his hands. Well, I think while his thumbs didn't light up. So that must be true. He already got both of his legs amputated. Hold on a second. That was a lie.
Yeah, he's got his. Well, you sent me that video. I'd never watched it. Oh, lie. What was it? He did watch it. No, hold on. Or you didn't send it. That was definitely a lie. Let me see. You guys just talk in the meantime. Wait, what are you doing? I think I know nothing. You're going to ruin this. I hate when you do this. It's going to break. We're going to lose the audio. No, it's just every time you touch the computer while we're recording, it fucks it up.
Sorry, YouTube said Jason. This is a situation. This is yeah, we got a situation here. Jason's a little bit of an intervention potentially. I got a situation. Jason's not going to like this bit, folks. You guys watching? I tried to talk him out of it, but he's, you know, Mack, I don't like him touching the computer because it's going to ruin the episode. And then it's not. I'll make sure that we'll make sure. Let's just say this is related to Norm. And this could be a really big
yes. I have to pee kind of. I ruined your career. Jason, I have to walk out of the you might be. Let's wheel him out of here, folks. He doesn't have legs or what to ruin your whole career. Dude, I tried to sign up for these stupid apps that give you free bullshit that nobody wants that you're into Mac. And now they won't stop emailing me. You just don't subscribe. And there's like nothing I could do. You hit unsubscribe. Yeah, I hit unsubscribe. Then it goes to like a
fucked up like state of a website where you can't unsubscribe. You went to one of those bunk ones. No, it's the ones you sent me. Which one? Influenster and all that crap. Now, the best one is we sponsored. Use that one. I'm not using none of those things because I don't want you a bunch of free garbage that sucks. You don't need it like an electric guitar. I want like a but I have a sweet electric guitar already. They're probably companies that just get rid of some
inventory that's not selling. Look at me, dude. The fact that you don't have an electric guitar is because you're gay and I'm awesome. I have one because I'm awesome. You don't have one. Mac has one. You need a chalk powder. What's the video to you? I think it's like called like Norm MacDonald, like big fat guy. Oh, no. I know I said this one. I know he does. It wasn't about you, but then it seemed very eerily similar. I was just watching it and I just enjoying it being
bullied by you guys calling me fat. And the only way for me to Jason demonstrate how stupid you were is to outmaneuver you at being a fat joke teller. Do you think people had an intervention like half of them want to do it and the other half don't? That's what people are sitting around the intervention. Alright, so I'm going to lower our volume and then I'm going to turn this video on. What's the rule? What are you playing Jackie Cleese? I can't wait for this to get taken down for
copyright. It's not a particular movie. I just think they need all of you to be fat guys. That's going to be the way you are. You're paying us forward. Hey listen, if you know it's my enormous weight game, I'm putting the bad back in bad comedy. You know why I started the game? I'm up 45 pounds and it was for a role in a movie. That's right it was. What was the rule for? Alright guys, it wasn't a particular rule but I figured the hell is needed. Did these jokes sound familiar at all?
Turns out they don't. They have plenty of fat guys that are much more experienced at acting and at being a fat guy than I am. You were doing a bit where you're like a Jimmy Lewis? Jimmy Klick character. Yeah, I'm fat. What happened? Fried chicken and gravy. Let me tell you something. I thought it was funny. Your heart could. I thought gaining a lot of weight would be funny. Oh, and also taking down. So that wasn't even the video. It was the video. It was the exact video.
There were a handful of jokes where he says because of a big fat guy right afterwards, like you do in heavier standard jokes now. Yeah, no, I started saying because I'm a big fat guy because junior told me to do it at an open mic. Wow. So junior. So really junior stole it. Yeah. I don't know. You see never like to watch. He seems like he would like norm. Junior. I definitely watched norm before. Yeah. So we think you're the second half of the
video. I watched him on dirty work. But being a big fat guy is not the movie. That's not the quite skinny. He was a really skinny guy. So you know, in the second half of the video. Yeah, he wasn't big and fat. He was a skinny guy. There was a Donald. It's very skinny. Yeah, notoriously skinny. He came back from one of his podcast seasons in the next season. He was talking about how did you notice I gained 45 pounds? He's trying some cancer medication. Yeah, I was
thinking like if he knew he had cancer, so he's like, fuck it. Yeah. That's what happened. But Jason, the second everyone in the second half of the video, he does this joke about how he needs a bunch of cows to get a leather jacket. No, he has a joke that he needs multiple cameras to take a picture with somebody. You wrote the leather jacket one and Dylan wrote the camera one. Okay. So you guys stole it from that. So
well actually wasn't on there. Thanks for admitting that we're giving us joke credit. So Mack, it was open. I've seen that clip before. Go check it out. It's on there. It's not on there. You can trust me. Listen, you've seen it before. Yeah, I've seen it before. So you saw the whole like, haven't you noticed that I stopped doing those jokes? So since you guys wrote them and then I saw the clip, which is clearly older than our podcast,
that's funny though. That was Max trap was like, get you to say that you've seen the clip. Yeah, but you have seen it. Yeah. And then I realized you guys give me those jokes. You had stolen them from that clip. No, he had so I stopped doing those jokes. It's parallel thinking with Norm. Yeah. One of the greatest stand ups ever. So I think saying you're a big fat guy, you're an excellent liar. I'm not lying. You can look up all the clips. Go ahead. I'll put the clips in the description folks.
People could never steal jokes because they can't drive and they're a pair. They've never parallel thinking they're only they suck at parallel parking. That getaway driver crash. I was I almost had one. One of the guys who was like, I'm a big fat lady. That's pretty good. I'm a big family. Big fat wife. Fuck junior. I was gonna make another joke. I mean, yeah, I mean pretty much. I just have a lot of people right for me because so many people idolize me. I don't know. They give me
lots of material for free. Maybe like and I don't even like it. I just use it to make them happy. Maybe like two open micers idolize you. Yeah, maybe maybe one of them even them. I'm like one of their favorites and they idolize a lot of people. I just I get everyone to love me. Yeah, I think I need to do a Brandon Kiefer and just quit for a year and a half and then maybe come back. Did he do that? He did like quit for a while. You already did that. Why did he why took COVID off? But I
think a lot of people you took time off to become a coder. But that's not I was I literally when I started becoming a coder out it was I was in coding school and then COVID happened. Oh, you code switched. Yeah, I COVID switched. I feel like I do need to take time off just so I focus on getting a real job. They say get a haircut and get a real job. And I don't have a were you hanging out with the day laborers. Yeah, trying to get a job. I was just trying to make
friends. Read in front of a home V Po now is in front of Jewel. And then I realized these Mexican guys are staying here every day. Why? Why Jewel? Yeah, that should get a job. So you start to stand up because you got used to standing like a day laborer. Yeah, it just doesn't pay the bills. I was just standing up with just you do you stand up. Oh, that's really good. You stood that gun up. Yeah, it's not it's for sure going to fall. Something is
going to shoot your own loaded. I could look. Yeah, let's load it. I mean, I just got to pump it. So I feel like I thought we should I want to get next episode. I want to get the bandanas from Dear Hunter for us to wear. Well, I mean, you know, she's just did he mile red bandanas. There I think they're white with like a red circle in the Christmas story. What I mean, people don't know that he takes that gun to school and he shoots
shoots up to this. He was a in so he shoots a lot of eyes out that kid. He was pissed about the you with the oval teen. He was fucking. Yeah. So he shot his glass of oval teen. Yeah, but I was one of those lamps. We should go on those leg shade lamps. Yeah. Yeah, the fish net. There's a there's a restaurant. I went to the head one of those leg shaped lamps. That was good. And I don't know if you guys knew this. I was just looking at some
of the stuff I watched as a kid Alvin and the chipmunks. So Alvin's wearing a red hat. Not everybody knows this. It was a mega hat. The whole time. Dang. Yeah. Remember when when Ralphie says fuck. It was that in in Christmas or Christmas story. He says that. Yeah. He says like fuck. He says fudge the movie, but he says fuck. And he has to put soap in his mouth. Oh yeah. I remember that. Back then I was like the soap actually was pretty good.
Dude, you're totally right. They're just red bandanas. I thought it was a fucking. I don't know what I'm thinking of beer hunter. Probably beer hunter. I remember I stopped cussing for probably a decade when I saw that movie and I thought I don't want soap in my mouth. I didn't stop cussing, but I stopped cursing. I stopped doing witchcraft to put in curses on people. Jason never stopped. I never stopped. You do have like a voodoo, voodoo kit and some witchcraft.
Yeah. I mean, I'll do anything to take down my ops. Me and Nura went to a witchcraft store the other night because we were killing some time. There's like a witchcraft store in her neighborhood and the guy hated that shit. She doesn't want me to do black magic. She's okay with white magic. Oh, interesting. Kind of racist. You mean like she's like she's not okay with voodoo. Yeah, no voodoo. She wants to be straight. I was I was trying to do a shrunken skull, but she's okay with
you trying to shrink somebody's skull. She's okay with the magic doing like Saruman stuff. Like sending orcs on people make a rabbit disappear. And so I feel like that's animal cruelty. I've actually applied several shrunken skull curses to Kevin Kellerman. I just can't get that thing down. No, I feel like you need like a Adam Gilbert skull or something. I feel like like his is already shrunken. I feel exactly. Ryan is like a little habit and I'm Saruman and
I can just summon like hundreds of thousands of orca. Yeah. So what you're talking about is all your friends in jail. You have a lot of to get them out of jail first dude. He's making an orcs joke about go back to talking about voodoo and say it. Yeah, all my friends are in jail. Do is a great song by God smack, I believe. God smack. God's God's smack Jason in the face where he fell on his head wearing God's favorite shirt. Do you know that's where a Chucky
came from voodoo Chucky Chucky's voodoo. Oh, really? Child's play. Oh yeah. Jennifer. I don't watch that type of a party. Chucky. No. No. Chucky was terrified. It's not about it's not about it's not porn. It's about a doll. There reminds me of there is a good concept of a doll be a murderer. Like honestly for a horror movie for a kid. This guy. So we went to this stupid witchcraft store and the guy was behind the counter. He was wearing like full satanic gear
like all black and like a pentagram necklace and like his fingernails were painted. Yeah, his finger is painted like Nick Kuntzman and and you didn't crow work. He's talking to his friend the whole time and they're just like talking about like people they know it's kind of like they were doing like our podcast. They're like she was so annoying when she came to the party. Just like Satanist these two guys. Oh wow. And we're there. It's like closing. It's about
to close and I end up buying a book. What is it? They were talking. All right. What's this? What's the suburb like like Elmer's like Elmer's or something like so the guys like the author of the book was named like David Elmer's. I'm forgetting the actual name but it legit legitimately this happened. The guy's name was like David Elmer's and then they was like yeah yeah so we were over in Elmer's and I go I don't know about Elmer's but I like David Elmer's books.
Could I buy this please? Wow and the guy got like he just didn't make any reaction at all. He looked like super pissed. Yeah, it's probably annoying because I'm buying something from his store that should be just failing. You said that when you were I didn't say that. No yeah. So anyway we're checking out and I'm like trying to win him over for some reason or make neuro laugh or
something. Nerd is high as shit by the way. She's like I can handle this. I've been making her laugh the whole time I'm in there so I feel kind of like up you know like I'm crushing but then I get to this guy and he hates me and then I go nerd or then I go so what do you think is like the thing in here you seem to most was like the most powerful. That's the clerk that and he just seemed like pissed and he just like wanted to answer me and he's like we do like a Ouija night. I think the
reason he didn't like you much. Well first of all, is that home her joke. No, no, no, it's because it's because you were in there with her laughing at what he actually believes in probably. No, I didn't know what we were up to and also and also you what else. Oh, and he's not supposed to be like a nice customer service guy to witchcraft stories. They didn't have enough. No, it was like all good stuff. There was no evil spell casting stuff. So it really was evil in a witch
store. I want to control demons. Well, they only had charms. Yeah, it was all like stupid healing spell. Get good luck with money kind of shit. Wow. Move a curse. They was like remove a curse, but there wasn't at a curse. It's all self defense. Yeah, it was bullshit. So remember how you said when you worked with Jeff Asmas, you had that hard little pocket hard drive. They said PC on it. Yes, or CP on it. Sorry. Yeah. Not to be confused with Jeff Asma, who had a little thing that was
an inhaler. Yeah. CP is I was actually at a show I was opening for Jeff Asmas and we were in the green room. Dude, that's a good gig. And then it's he had a hard drive in his hand and it's it it's a child. I call a C child on it. Oh, so it's something else after that. Well, yeah, I was like, what's that in your hand? He's like, Oh, it's you know, the movie Child's Play. Maybe he was whacking off to the movie. No, I know. He's like, I'm a big horror movie fan.
And then he he accidentally fell out of his pocket when he went up to go on stage. Yeah. So he out in the green room. Or I was back in the green room after my setup, of course. And careful to say the word will gain trouble. No, no, it's had children playing. Oh, maybe it's like slow children playing. Maybe it was about. Yeah, I don't know. It's kind of weird. Safe when you're driving in certain neighborhoods. But the fact that he lied to me makes me a little suspicious.
I would be a little sus. Yeah. Let's I call it. Yeah, that guy's a little untrustworthy. Jeff Asmas, not Jeff as mom. Yeah, not. We're not talking about the standup comedian who's always out of breath. Jeff Asma. We're talking about Jeff as miss. Jeff has the podcast with Alex Dragunov. Miss Jeff Asma is not full of hot air. In fact, he's full of very little air. Yeah, barely breathe. Jeff Asma. His jokes are breathtaking, though. Jeff Chris. Yeah,
Jeff Asmas could make Jeff Asma die. Can make him go taking away his last breath. I don't do a juggler episode. So at some point, we'll do a juggler one. He knows a real clown, Alex Dragovic. I saw he was going to be at Zany soon. I'm really pumped about it. Yeah, I'm so excited. He's so good. I want to hear about it. Just instead of a juggler episode, just a jug episode. It's just we have where we start a band where we all play the jug. Yeah, we get ladies with
giant tits. I love Alex Dragovic's reels. Just talking about like normal stuff. Go back to that. It's fun. Do you guys like Alex Dragovic's reels where he just talks about like normal stuff into the little microphone and his headphones? I'd like to hear his air pods inside of his house, but he's pretending to be poor. I'd like to put down and I would like to see a few less reels in the phone and a few more reels in the boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to fishing for
minors. Epstein folks. Yeah, I want to see a few less reels and a few more real ass motherfuckers. Have you seen their taken down all these like famous black people, but they didn't like get anyone from Epstein shit. The one guy they got killed himself, but now they're going after Pete Diddy. They're going after really you don't know about Pete Diddy. I don't watch it. Well, I watched the news. He's been he's been losing all his shit. It's in the news. I don't watch
you. You watch the other news. I watch MSNBC with Rachel Manco. I watch you have to check out the urban news. I watch Hannity the hand the Hannity project. I heard he did he Spotify wrap somebody. You should have named your company album the Hannity project is the vanity project. Yeah, I could do that. You should rename it or not. Call you call your next one the Hannity project. The Hannity project. That was awesome. Maybe I'll call it the Ted Cruz project. That's good.
Ted Cruz, Jr. How about the Allen Parsons project? I like that. Actually, the can we talk about the band of police? Or again, we can talk about the Allen Parsons project. Great band terrible, terrible crimes against certain races. Yeah, that's true. And then fucked up that that band did all that stuff. But that band, the police were cool back then. There's the cool guys walking or swinging around the wooden baton. You know, I was like, I remember
I was at the Black Lives Matter parade and I was like, I get it. We'll get we'll get Steely Dan next time. You mean you guys hate the police. You mean dandosimo? Yeah, we'll get Steely Dan next time you guys hate the police. I get it. Yeah. Yeah, we'll get sorry we booked the police next time we'll get Steely Dan like biggest like rock like album of all time, but it was a greatest hits that doesn't count. Is that the police police? And it's where they piss me off because they beat
Michael Jackson for the most selling album all time, but it's a greatest hits. Well, Michael Jackson also innocent. Why can't Michael Jackson make a greatest hits and outsell them? I'm a Michael Jackson apologist. I'm an Eric Clapton. I'm an apologist. You are. Yeah, you don't agree with that child abuse. You drop a kid out. I do love his music, though. But all of his good songs are based on his dead kid. So I'm a I'm a Michael Blackson. Apologists. Yeah, I think his accent's
real. My Michael Jordan. Apologies. You guys do Michael Blackson. Yeah. He's a comedian. He's like, yeah, I'm black. His accent's fake. I just learned recently. If you're at a van, Gilbert, that's some tea. You're a little bit of Alex Luchin. Shout out to Alex Luchin and give me a ride a couple of weeks ago. It was really important. How was that? It was good. It just I felt like a a douche because I just kind of you just kind of, you know, give me a ride and I just
but you should check it out. Check out brain. You think I could incorporate these thumbs in my standup act? No. Yes. If anyone can do it. I'm getting some differing opinions here. I say two thumbs up. That's a that's more of a key thumbs on. Look at that. Hey, it's more of a keeper, but I think he for is that is key for a prop. He's more of a prop. Yeah, true that we should label people at but guys had brain spot. Oh, FC on Instagram. You got a DM them and they'll get you
with the website for some cool stuff. Yeah, let's just say it's pretty cool. Yeah. So that should be enough to make these magic thumbs more magical. Yeah. I want to see if you want me to honestly, I want to make some content for him and I'll be like, I'll be like, do you have a do you have a comedian coming after your life? You need to cool out. You need to cool off. Cooling off. You have a crazy cokehead comedian after you. Do you want to do you want to
have some good vibes brain spa? So sometimes you can try and like advertise their services to like make other comedians mad at us. Yes, definitely. We can go after other scenes for sure. We're like hit men. Well, we're already like taking that helping take down Stephen Hofstadter from remotely. No, if there is, if there's anyone that you guys want to, it doesn't even have to be a comic. His grandma's gonna get a Google alert. Oh, no, his grandma's gonna get a Google alert.
If you're listening and there's somebody that needs to be a target, let us know. Yeah. And we'll see what we can do because if there's, if these people have an Instagram, we can find some things to hitting on his grandma via Google alerts. Yeah. I've been sending her secret messages. Yeah, guys, I'm pretty good at taking people down. So basically, you don't want to go up against us because back will spend six, seven, eight hours looking on a clip that destroys them.
I thought you were gonna say in front of their whole friends and family. That's right. I will make them, I will make them destroy themselves. That's how and I'm gonna take down Kyle Allen. Yeah. So we'll call it character assassination because it's not, we're not trying to be violent here. Yeah, there's a show in Chicago. We should go after all the assassination. It's a row show where people dress up like fictional characters. We should take down Kyle Allen. I don't know if he's a character.
We're talking about time that dude deserves it. So Kyle Allen needs so many bad things. He needs to he's worse than him and Tom Chang need to go down and Paul Farvar. Paul Farvar. He deserves. Yeah, he's not the nicest person. We only take down the nicest people on the scene and the biggest douchebags on the scene. Yeah, but you know what? Kyle has like bodies in his trunk. I'm pretty sure. Okay. Yeah. He's a little nuts. Sometimes on stage, he has like two bitches standing behind
him like who are they? Huh? And they don't speak English. What? Yeah. That's actually kind of sick. That's bad ass. Oh, they're like, Dylan, are you projecting because of the duffel bag that you have? He's doing like he's doing like a reverse. My dush bag. Dush. That's a that's a dutch duffel bag. I prefer a ruffle bag. We do need wooden shoes. Yeah, I should probably post the links to that. You're like a ruffle bag. I prefer a ruffle bag. I'm more into chips. I could
see it. Guys, we need the we need wooden shoes and beekeeper outfits. So search that and go fund me and please donate. Some people say that we're poking the bear the hotness the what poking the hottest. Yeah. Yeah. Poke in the home. Bobby Buds told me to stop poking the bear, which is coming in the Zachar, Zachar Ryan, I told him, why at first I told him, I'm the bear. Are we the bear? Are we poking the bear or is the horse poking Mr. Hands? I said, I'm the one who knocks.
And then I figured out a better analogy, which is no, I'm not poking the bear. The bear poked the hornet's nest. Nice that they thought was a normal bees nest, which would be there. I should murder that they thought it was be hive turned out as a hornet's nest. So they're Africanized honey bees, just like Zachar, right? I think that was Africanized. That's what we are. He's the bear. We're attacking. He's African. Exactly. But it'll be better when we have like beekeeper
outfits will kind of reference it now. We're trying to raise money for how much is it for we have $5. We need about 600 total for both combined. But for probably Mac to start it, I mean, no, no, he was an anonymous donor. They said they're from us. I think it's like the Vanderbilt or something or something. Or it's probably that stalker. No, it's some old, no, it's some old rich family for chance. It's some family from Venice, I think or something. I don't
know. They're descendants of merchants mob. But it is anonymous and we're trying to raise $600 to get wooden shoes and beekeeper. Well, we could get it. So if your name was anonymous, you would never get credit for anything. Yeah. What about anonymous said that anonymous? Yeah, terrible. It's like you have like this really good quote. And they're like, they attribute it to anonymous. Is that what you do? That is me. Whatever you do when you're in Hamas, but you try to pretend
like you're not you hide your non Hamas. I'm a non. Yeah, you're a non Hamas supporter. Yeah. Nice. So we could use some non Hamas support about an Elinon Hamas. Elinon is when you're a family of alcoholic. You are not. He was a human on him. I'm a Kyle Allen on Hamas. Kyle, Kyle Allen, Alan, on this. Kyle, Kyle, Alan, on this hip hop hip hop autonomous. I actually saw a lame rapper who sounded just like Eminem, but then his thing was like,
it started out sounded like hip hop eponymous. And I'm thinking that was a good show. Flight flight of the Concords. Yeah, maybe 20 years ago. But then he has a pretty cool sponsored rap song. I thought that was pretty cool sponsor your rap. I found out something kind of mind blowing about that. You know, when Crypt Daddy died, it wasn't like anything health related. It wasn't the smelling salts. He was assassinated. He got shot by the Bloods.
Because he was false. Oh, because he was a Crypt. That's mind blowing. Yeah. You got you on the head. Yeah. His mind literally got blown out of his head. The Bloods called up the fucking other Crypts and they were like, we killed your daddy. Yeah. And then we killed your daddy. Why you kill? They shot him in the head and then your daddy's dead. They thought it was a heart attack for some of my, I don't know why. And then they went to the corner and he's like,
no, this is obviously a gunshot. Maybe it was just a typo in the report, like, because he got shot in the heart and they attacked his heart. So it was an attack. Oh, no, it was an attack. Heart. A heart attack. It's a pretty hard attack. Would you shoot someone? It was a hard R attack. Yeah. Someone sent me a video. They have like a retarded girl and then she was saying, don't say the R word. Like it hurts my feelings and stuff. I'm like, fuck, now I can't buy just
said who taught her the word though. Yeah. Zacho said the R word. It's kind of funny. I mean, it's 2023, dude. Dude, Vic Panty was saying it on stage at comedy bar. Oh my gosh. I'm like, it makes me want to stop saying it. Yeah. It's like depriving me of fun. Yeah, we need to become woke now. No, I know. And then like, I'm so excited. Like, I'm so glad that word's coming back. Like hell yeah. But then I finally I can finally I can more quickly describe to other
people what I am. Yeah. Getting in trouble. It does make it easier. No, it's bad for people like us when that's just main mainstream. Yeah, because it lowers our value. Yeah. So now we have to become a counterculture. Now we have become very woke. How about a character is Ed Red Redemption Towns? Dylan Dylan's Dylan's counterculture Ed Red Dead Redemption Towns. Yeah. And he's like at Towns as a cowboy basically. And he's like I don't know how to spell the word horse special ed
towns. Your counterculture because you're autistic. The great man left counting things. Toothpicks and smelling salts and pretty much Adderall's. Yeah, bean counter results of the earth folks. We start smelling salts. I did. I have to ask mass or Max Rice about the beans. We're trying to get beans from even Steve. Oh, I should have asked him about it because so we can have rice and beans. Yeah, exactly. He's harassing Zach. Zach blocked him
which is funny. Zach has me. He really blocks. Yeah. Why? Why? Yeah. I don't know. He's the biggest fan because he was COVID info misinformation. He said that Zach O'ryans is the best joke writer. Zach O'ryans. He does like him. He said he's a generation. He said in the world, I think. Hey, Zach O'ryans. So Zach O'ryans, why are you blocking people? Do you are you like a masochist or something? People's one likes to get like, sounds like he's afraid of Max Rice. I
don't know. Zach O, if that is your real name, your little bitch, but it's also true if it's not your real name. So trying to dig us some stuff that had read dead red. Edward Norton town. So it's fight club, but he fights retarded people. And we're yeah. Antivirus. Yeah. Edward Edward Norton town. I feel like I'm getting louder for some reason. Right. It's your fucked up brain. Edward. Yeah. My brain is I've been bleeding a lot from the head. Edward. I got them staples
out of my head, dude. Yeah. Pretty sweet. You know, like Hedge Hedge. Yeah. Harry Potter. I know Mitch Hedge Hedge Hedge. I think. Remember, which is funny that Anthony Jeslnick does your way to Mitch Hedberg now. Earwig. I saw type of bug. I saw online that Ray Wissbrock got tickets to Anthony Jeslnick show and I was like, I guess he needs material. Here's the thing, they call it an earwig, but it does not have a fake hair on its ear. Sometimes I think,
what do you guys think about this? Because I'll get people say Mitch Hedberg more often, which is obviously way above my level. But yeah, but then sometimes I think, but I can play the heel more accurately. So I can be an Anthony Jeslnick type. I think you're more like a, I can be, I can be a bat. I can be a mean comic. Anthony and do you think I should go that way? Anthony and bezel. Anthony and bezel. I would describe your comedy. You do like that.
It's mostly like, like mother goose, the types of comedy. Well, it's almost as, should I be a silly guy or should I be like a real mean? We pause right now. I'm gonna say something kind of profound. I think you should just be yourself. I mean, smelling. I feel like I said something sincere and nobody listened. No, no, no, I totally agree. And I think that being yourself on stage is very important because I mean, what are you going to do? Pretend
to like, what's the point of how do I construct it? Actually, I'm just really competitive. And I think if you be yourself, you'll fail. Yeah, I get ahead. You can't trust my, you can't trust my life. I just kind of wanted to, I kind of wanted to talk about comedy a little bit. Okay. You got to be yourself on stage because I mean, this isn't acting. This is showing everyone who you really are. It's opening up. It's therapy really. Yeah,
no, it's really healing activity. And I, that's why I started lighting up my thumbs because I always had this ability, but I do have mental abilities and disabilities. And I thought I wasn't being myself because I wasn't doing it. It's kind of like doing, you're doing magic right now. You're doing magic. I hope somebody's listen audio only. No idea what's been going on this whole time. I got to be Dylan Mahler and I got to fail because if I bend to conform that's lame.
No, you can do that though. Can you hit that for, yeah, no, I can't do that. Lighting up your thumb. You can do it too if you look deep inside. And you can do it every child can like a punchline. I think that we do train children to think they can't do that. Yeah, that's the problem. We hold them back. They say when the ships came to America, the Native Americans couldn't see them because they never conceived of something so giant. That's your feathers. And then they could see the Native
Americans. That's your feathers. Yeah. Cause I could never imagine somebody so uncivilized. Yeah. But then yeah, they couldn't see the natives because they, they don't see color because they don't even know it. That'll be a problem. Yeah. Can we please talk about comedy? Let's talk more about comedy. Some I love. Here's a good crowd work joke ready. You go, you know, my friend says she can't see color referring to race. That's crazy. Look at this
guy right here. He's black. Yeah, exactly. You don't see him. Look at that guy right there. That's a Puerto Rican guy. That guy, I don't know what he is, but he ain't white. You can see it. You can say stuff like that. Yeah. I mean, I do love crowd work. I mean, I think it's kind of a way to, you don't really need to write jokes. If you can kind of get up there, get the crowd involved. That is the superior skill to. Yeah. And I do. It gets the crowd involved to make kind of a group
thing. And it's all improvised on the spot. Even if you write it ahead of time and kind of anticipate response. Yeah. Yeah. It still looks in the moment. I mean, you ever seen Saurab? He does. It's improvised every time. It's pretty cool. I heard somebody say it's like a crowd work is like a, it's like stand up is like a, like a MMA fight that's been planned and prepared for. Crowd work is like a street fight. Yeah. Yeah. It's true. Anything goes. Ending goes.
You can ruin their night. I mean, crowd work is messy. It's fast. It's loud. Can bring stuff up. That's really awkward that they don't even talk about. Yeah. Like if they're dating the person, what? Yeah. Like how long are you, how long are you two? And they're like, uh-oh. It's our first date. Now we're going to get teased. Yeah. She looked at him. You tease them. My favorite one is if you're a black guy and you talk about the white people. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's like
white women. There's a lot of white people here. Yeah. Yeah. It's a predominantly white crowd. You're a black guy. You're feeling a little different. Yeah. Like a little like outcast. You white people. And it's a funny, it's a funny contrast. And we used to say you people. They say you white people. They're sort of turning the thing back around on us. Which is totally deserved. I'm glad they're doing that. Yeah. Because it's 2023. And I love how far we've
come. Yeah. Sometimes I think somebody was saying, uh, Tina was actually posting about how it's unfortunate that people will have all white guy shows. Did you see me commenting on that? I did. I commented as well. But then today I was just, I was going to say my comment. What was your comment? Oh yeah. You pointed out that sometimes she doesn't. Yeah. Which I think is fair. Yeah. Like we talked about this. So it was just kind of she booked this all white male lineup that
was awesome. Yeah. And so it was awesome. And it was well, I kind of see myself as beyond race and gender. Yeah. No, I mean, so there's like these, have you heard about these like comedy award shows? Is this award show going on? And it's, I hate when people add competition to what I think is clearly an art. I know it's an art and you should be producing shows. Yeah. And working hard instead of you can be right and be creating producing instead of shows instead of doing
it. You're cheapening what we're doing instead of producing an award show. You should be producing different shows. You could go to no open mics ever and then just still perform in a monthly show. Yeah. It's cheapening. Yeah. I mean, I mean, if like what, like they don't have many people of color on there. You see, do you see the nominations or do you see the people on the thing?
And they used to say color. And that wasn't okay to say color. I hate it when there's not diversity on a show, but I think we've come a long way and I'm looking forward to the day when people will be like criticizing shows like, Oh, you didn't book a diverse enough species. You know, all humans on the show. What about you couldn't find a single goldfish. You didn't have a robot. Yeah. Yeah. No robots. No. You couldn't find a ghost. People are like, why do you say you need
to book colored people and I say people of color. I'm saving a syllable. Thank you. Word economy. Yeah. But I think it's lazy to just be like, Oh yeah, we need a black person. We need some women on here. I think that's kind of I don't care if you're black or white or purple. Yeah. Yeah. I don't. I don't. Whatever. Purple. Well, I think that's I think that even if that award show was based on nominations, like where people write in who they want. Yeah, like I think they they should still
make it all like the people like the people different. I think they should have like you diverse best comic and the audience. You know, they say the lineup should be diverse, but also the crowd should be diverse. Yeah. The crowd is racist. A lot of sexes, but they should have like a best woman comic and a best colored comic. I think would be good. Yeah. I like when comic of color like a purple guy. I'm sorry. What am I? What am I? That's purple. Best purple comic. What am I
best blue man? One of my favorite things like about my favorite types of crowd work is when like someone like says something like not good during Q and A and you Q and A and you kind of you destroy them. Oh yeah. Oh, when you like do a show and you like preset up a Q and A afterwards so you could like edit it and make it look like crowd work for the Internet. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I think that's my favorite stuff. I think it's Stephen Hofstetter. He learned that. I think
crowd. He invented tricking people on the Internet. One of the first him and Nigerians. Crowd work. How about comic work? Right? How about do your job? So I'll say I'm high. Anyone else in someone will yell out. I'll say that guy's high. That guy's high. That's how you do it. Or you say, uh, anyone here like smoke and weed? Oh yeah. That's good. Anybody vote? Anybody here? I think after an election, uh, voted, you know, I'll find the oldest guy there and I'll be
like, I bet this guy has sex. Yeah. Everyone's like, Oh my God, old people having sex. Yeah. We pro Satan. I like to say anything. I like to find the old guy in the crowd and say that guy is old. You know, yeah, dude. People are like, Oh my God, they're acknowledging his age. Yeah. That's so funny. Michael Myers. Yeah. It's wrong. It's wrong. My fire is on stage. Yeah. He's on the show waiting the back. But the oldest guy on stage.
It's like when no one says anything and they're just like a few people. Oh yeah. And there's not that many people there. I like to say we're small, but mighty. Yes. That way, uh, small, but that way the crowd feels more together. I miss the days when Trump was in office or someone material, there's so much material that we could use for Trump. Like that
was probably the best comedy era in my opinion. Yeah. Like you could do like a, like a say that you're doing Trump voice and you can bomb and you can go guy and you can see, I call him the Cheeto man. I didn't even have a, I didn't even say Donald Trump for eight years. I would call him that orange guy. Yeah. He thinks Hillary's a cheetah cheetah. Yeah. That's kind of funny to I like that. Yeah. But, uh, like, I would be like, who, uh, who's a Democrat? And it does so well.
I like that. Yeah. I'm a Demi guy. Oh, and who got vaccinated? That one used to kill during COVID. Yeah. I got like my, no, I don't want to do like seeing, I guess I'm killing on stage. But me while COVID is killing in the streets. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Who did Zach O'Ryan kill? Sorry for killing. Yeah. This is the name of his show. Yeah. Are you sorry even? Is he going to be sorry? It kills me. Uh, so not the Kwanzaa party. That would be funny if you
like, if one of the, I can't be on the free episode. I'm about to say something crazy. Yeah. I've had five different ideas that I can't say. Everybody make sure you go to HACOs, Kwanzaa party at Laugh Factory. We'll go to patreon.com slash bad comedy to hear all the stuff that we've been trying to say, but can't say. Hi, but that is somebody invented like a horrible thing that killed thousands of people. Like, and we all had to stay home from work for a
few years. Hypothetically, hypothetically, wouldn't be funny. One of the scientists came out and was like, I'm sorry. Yeah. And that'd be funny if like, one of our main, like the person in charge of like disease control in our country, like funded it. That would be funny. And they're like, and then one guy comes out and he's like, I know you guys are upset about that, but seriously, my bad. Yeah. I hope one day I could earn your forgiveness. Can you imagine fucking up at work
so bad that they cancel the Olympics? I spilled it. Yeah. What's an algorithm? Is it just like is AI like aliens? Is it like aliens on a computer or something? That's a L L. Yeah. Oh, because why just picture when I picture AI, I just picture like aliens that have really big brains. So they're like really fast. I saw robot. The aliens really big brains are called Brainiens Brainiens. Oh, nice. This robot the other day seeing itself in the mirror for the first time.
And it was kind of doing all these facial expressions and whoa, cool. It was scared. It was scared of itself. But then I thought me being as afraid of this thing. I'm afraid of myself when I look in the mirror, I get afraid of how much weight I'm gaining. Yeah. Well, that's your doctor said to lay off the cake. But yeah, I use anything about I even you did write that joke. Yeah, I've been awesome. I've been using AI to write all my jokes
recently. And what was the chat? Oh, no, one of my one of my shows is robot came in. I guess they got a robot body and it was AI. It was the AI. Yeah. And he's wow. Those are my jokes. So Ford revolutionized the manufacturing industry with interchangeable parts. I'd become a robot if I could my arm breaks. I just get a new arm. That's better. Yeah. So some robots like at a car factory, a robot is just an arm sometimes. His whole body is an arm also Ford is a factory.
Not so done. Or is not doing great. Finger out of girl. So maybe Ford will invent something like that again. So maybe maybe invest in Ford. Yeah, or down because they'll probably just fail. Ford actually killed. How about I invest in the Lord going back to church? I like that. Ford killed sex when Elon was trying to make the model E but then they had the patent on the model E. So he had to use a three. You mean the house? Well, then it's like they're lined up as model S.E.X.Y.
But then they use model three instead. Oh, that sucks. What you think he should have just grew a parent called it sexy. Whoa. Well, I guess he might as dude. I'm sorry. You can't say. The cars have to be sexual. What's that? Elon Musk's face. He looks different than any other person I ever seen. I saw him saying people want a black man with pulling their ads. Me. Go fuck yourself. He wants a black male to do something to his girl while he watches. I've been getting
it is kind of messed up. I've been getting Elon cock. Nice. I've been getting blackmailed a lot recently. Yeah, Ben. Yeah. Now I've been going to my mailbox and it's just like B. E. T. subscriptions. Yeah. Like in like coupons for Bob. I was actually really. Yeah. Bottles of Bob. So like, okay, I can afford on the Mike's. Please stop like mailing me. I was really outraged recently. I went and saw, you know, like there was outrage when they made the black
little mermaid. Yes. The little assist. Maybe there's a black little exorcist and a Dan called. Sorry. I'll call back. Okay, folks. I was outraged. Thank you. All right. You got it. Just make sure it's not the one guy. I got to grab some water anyway. What do you want to plug Dylan? You don't plug anything. Yes. For this. I don't want to unplug my mic, but I'll plug at comedy baddie. Are you there? Oh, you're coming to get you. You're on bad comedy podcast right now.
Oh, I figured. Who do you hate? Who do you hate? Please don't say Kyle Allen. Don't say anything. I can't say Kyle Allen. I love that man. You said he said he said, Kyle Allen, folks. I'll see you guys in a minute. All right. Make sure you check out our live show and buy tickets at the comedy bar. January 10th. Follow
me at Zach O'Ryan and check out how the hell sorry. Sorry. I got in character too much. Follow me at bad boy of comedy, but mainly by tickets to our live show January 10th at the comedy bar bad comedy podcast. We got stand up guests. We got stand up guys skit stand up guys and girls and well, I mean, he's like the stand up guys doesn't like cool like like good. Yeah. Like in the mile. He's a stand up guy. Yeah. He stands up. Yeah. Stand up for equal. Right. He sits down
when he pees. Jason's recording. I have an album on YouTube in 2022 and then I'm trying to make it to 300 views. Check out. Oh, check out. 200 Jews. Ouch. More like 300 billion. That would be a whole different movie than 300. 300. But tune in to Patreon. Yes. So that's coming. Just make every right in a few catch on the on the different dots. Hey, folks. It's Mac. You may notice that this part right now is audio only. So long story short. The episode we didn't quite hit the hour mark.
And I made a promise to myself and to all of our lovely fans that I would make every episode at least full hour. And so this is the extra 30 seconds for that. Thanks for listening. Patreon.com slash bad comedy for the funny episodes. These ones are bad. So yeah, it's only 399 a month. That's like a cent per episode. You have like 300 something. So thanks.