Where we make fun of MC lightsay Why does he have a dangly earring But we like it more than Bob King Bob King Bob King Welcome to bad comedy Where the hosts and guests are gay And to hear it you have to pay Welcome to bad comedy Welcome to bad comedy podcast folks. My name is Jonathan Hickock Davis and I got a lot of guns I'm here with what's up. This is Zach O'Brien Welch from corn nice We got Jonathan Taylor Thomas the train
Thank you nice. Yeah, so this is he was supposed to be the bassist Monkey from corn, but we figured that that might these days of the name Yeah, that's why guy wearing dreadlocks might give off the wrong connotation So we decided to bleep that out. But corn was a little edgy with that. We're corn. Yeah, so we dress like corn as a Thanksgiving Thanks Thanksgiving. Hope you guys are having a cornucopia of time Yeah, hope you guys are listening to corn
And yeah, I mean these are these are real wigs. So he has Brian Welch's wig He is a monkey MUNK wise wig and I have Jonathan Davis's wig you guys feel this way when it's Thanksgiving like you you go around your families and you know that you're like kind of You're a crazy person who likes to go nuts Yeah, but when you're around your family, you can't really go nuts because your family's there
So it makes me feel like a freak on a leash. Yeah, I hate They try to limit your wine intake, you know, you know, you know, I was younger I worked in a in a mortuary What yeah, dude, I'm Zach. Oh well, I've known you for years and I didn't know that when I was younger before corn I used to dress up dead bodies. What actually dude legitimate. That's kind of disrespectful to the family
Look at that. But that's but that's why I think it's cool is being disrespectful Also, my dad was one of the pianists of a steely Dan I think his name that's your dandosimo It's actually named after a dildo from the book. These are all real Jonathan and Davis facts that I'm saying Actually, so he would dress the dead bodies, but would he undress them first that I feel like is probably most likely
Yeah, that sounds a little problematic. Yeah, you know that should we cancel Jonathan Davis? Yeah for for I'm at fucking with that bodies Shout out to Jonathan Davis. He also invented Garfield. Mm-hmm. Yeah Yeah, that's this Jonathan Davis is the best cartoon. I think Here's what I've been thinking about Garfield is they got John talks. He's got a talk bubble Garfield he just has thoughts. They're a thought bubble. Mm-hmm, but OD he doesn't even think
Oh, the audio audio audio. Oh, he is like Terry Shiva. He's just like it's like a flat line and it said Wouldn't that be funny if you find out that he was inspired by Terry shy Yeah, I'm gonna fight Terry Shiva or Terry Cruz. Who's Terry Cruz? Yeah, CREWS Yeah, I think it'd be a close one That's the funniest character cheeseburger Eddie I got the fries that across your eyes if I was Terry Shiva I'd be like you can't kill me. I'm already dead. Yeah, but you could rain dead
I can say it. He's nice. Yeah, I was like how you're saying the corn guy is balding and he's still No, Stevie Wonder Okay, Stevie Wonder is bald in the front and then huge dreads in the back. He looks really nuts. Yeah I'll tell you what I'll tell you what as corn if any of you guys fuck with any other like Like plants or any crops Will I was gonna say something cool fuck. I was gonna say something about grain
I was gonna ride grain with something. Well, I actually have cauliflower ears. So I feel like I'm kind of oh Appropriating corn culture. Well, we have the wig to cover this up is Brian Zekko Welch. I My favorite sweetener is corn syrup Cardi B's Brian Roe Welch Brian Roe Welch like the Cardi B's babies named culture with the K It's kind of like oh, I like that way child of the corn. Yeah, baby. That's corn inspired
Yeah, that's what my dad is trying to impress us. He'll put his he'll text us with a cool spelled with a K That's cool. Does he do this? I'm like anybody says that hey, it's your father does he do the our backwards?
Yeah, but sorry backwards and father is unintentional. Yeah, that was the intro portion you guys do the Podcast with the podcast portion we're gonna talk about our days This thing's giving me and my family played Scrabble You did and my mom put down the word corn actually But I told her she had to take it back because it didn't have a backwards are no no No, I wanted to use the backwards are time. No, no, I wasn't talking about doing bits
I wanted to kind of just talk about what we're doing. I wasn't listening. I was thinking about a bit. Yeah, yeah No, what'd you say? No, I just want to ask how you guys think it was your day and how's your life? Okay, hold on. How's your Thanksgiving? I'll tell you what I did first. Yes, I went to my my aunt's house and she lives in She's in like Albany Park. Oh nice It might my aunt's house, you know, yeah, not like the bug
I love Albany Park. It's got a rich diversity there. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's a good neighborhood And then we had a bunch of family that was there. It's always good to see my grandma Gigi and then My Jewish uncle Len was there. We had this in-depth conversation about Religion is an inherently good or bad or bad for society?
Yeah, and I didn't pretty deep and then we we we Our solution was that there's no one knows we'll ever know Yeah, it's hard to say right because because one on the one side, let me say it's cool That your grandma Gigi was there because you guys spend time with your you know, your grandparents You're not gonna be around forever. They're not gonna be around forever. They really won't yeah I saw my grandma to I have one I mean I left and I saw her and it meant a lot to me
You never know how many years you have left. No, I feel that's why I mean you guys put something people like Michael Myers, too Yeah, yeah, you can't take those these precious moments for granted. How's yours? What would you get up to? I just kind of hung out relaxed sometimes. I like to take some time to just kind of hang out relax Yeah, that's good, you know, just unwind Did he need turkey? He gets in turkey. I think I I didn't eat turkey this year. Oh wow
I guess I didn't really do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got you got me. I mean, I'll be honest I believe in the traditional Thanksgiving, you know, I like going all out turkey stuffing mashed potatoes the works covered on gravy
Yeah, dude, I hope you guys don't get upset of me, but I'm actually vegetarian. So I had a tow furky It was it's not as bad as you think a tow for it's not as bad as you think that's kind of cool Yeah, I mean I respect that well, thanks for being respectful, you know, just like your religion talk It's like we there's different points of view on things like some people have different
Diets that they eat right and people have different religions different diets and you just kind of got a I mean except everybody Yeah, what they are for who they are doesn't have to be about comedy. You know, you know, did you guys watch any football? I actually didn't I come I watched some of the Cowboys game Okay, so I was kind of confused because normally the Bears play the Lions on Thanksgiving, right? They didn't this year
Yeah, I always remember watching the Lions. I remember what I was watching some I got to my Thanksgiving a little late So I watched them. What do they call that highlights and stuff? I go pairs. Yeah, I was like watching those highlights, you know, instead of the whole game you can just kind of see a bunch of the plays and Some people say our attention span is a shorter light Or sorry, our generation has a shorter attention. Dude. I mean think about it think about it think about cable TV
How far that's gone down and how big tic-tac and Instagram have become it's because of that. Yeah, there's so many users Yeah This is like user to 25 There's a bad boy comedy just some specific users. Yeah, right When I was a kid we so we didn't even have a TV I'd have to I was reading this book I mean hey reading the book now. That's that's something this next generation won't even understand
Hey Dylan is what is a book? I just I want to say that we don't judge you for not having that much money growing up I think that and any Economic class is okay in my yeah, I know I think I don't judge people based on their class or their skin color of the Their creed. Yeah. Yeah, sorry go ahead continue some of some times those things are kind of related. Yeah true very true You were reading books. Yeah, I was very that's very inter Galactic Introspective
Inter-dimensional intermittent intertwined. Yeah. Yeah, there we go. What do they call it? There's feminism and then there's inter-something feminism intersex Intersexual fit. Yeah, I think that's very intersexual intersex. Uh-huh. You're trying to remember a word
Yeah, oh my god. I swear it's related to the again the attention span one thing one thing that Like we didn't have a Thanksgiving was a cornucopia and I told you I love the traditional things Yeah, so I'm so happy that we got to have a because you can't have Thanksgiving without a cornucopia
It's a staple. It's kind of crazy. It looks like a bugle, right? It kind of looks like a bugle. Yeah, I love bugles It reminds me of my fingers pretend I'm Freddy Krueger I used to do that when I was a kid, I know dude that road trip with my family pretend You're a woman with nails. Oh my god. Also That's funny. Also while you're on the road trip Combos, you know, I love combos. No one's ever I don't think anyone's ever had combos on a car. Yeah
Yeah, you know, there's people out there with Thanksgiving. They don't have they can't afford this big Gracious meals we have and all they have for Thanksgiving is combos. Yeah, and my heart goes out to them Yeah, what I've always said is there's people starving in China, you know, because there are and then combos Send a good snack. You should snacks and I mean, I am I'm with sending them combos Yeah, you know instead of donating 25 cents a day to a company that might be embezzling it
Send combos to the starving children in Africa folks. It's gonna take ownership of it. Yeah, I feel like they should make a corn combo They'll be good. I like that. I Maybe like a lotase. Yeah, what about like a pumpkin pie one? And so it's got like the cross on the outside and the pumpkin in the inside. Well, I'm not even considered
Combos, yeah, I think it's a really bad idea. I need to talk to I'm hearing different opinions on this And I like that we could have we don't always have to agree on so so Yeah, I mean, I mean we don't need to agree on everything we can all agree on that I mean, how about we'll both email combos all off of the idea you send the counter idea and then we'll see what they kind of Think I remember I drove up to
Burger King one day and they said would you like to try a combo meal and I was like, how about just a bag of combo? The story that never happened. Why do you think that didn't happen?
Talk about Thanksgiving like the times we had we're talking about combos a little bit every year just stop as well Please stop What is the way and I remembered a story about I went to get no you didn't know we get a fast food place and the word combo on the Combo meal reminded me of the food combos, which I also enjoy and they gave you three small It's a funny story a little bit, but I wasn't intent. I wasn't making up a bit It was a I know it didn't happen. We believe that you were in
Okay, you know my whole life. Can you please just cut off the comedy for a second? I'm not doing any comedy. What are you thankful for this year? I Jason's jokes Coming down on me right now crazy I'm going through a lot of my personal thankful for a civil conversation that we could be having Can we have a civil conversation? I was trying to until I got accused of being a liar, which I do not know I'm accusing you of saying a joke Jason's gonna say that story was a lie. Yeah is not a lie
Yeah, it is. So how do you feel about that? You're just gonna just not gonna accept me Jason and when I say that So how can we have any conversation? I think you lie you don't believe I think that's a threat I say that's a threat. There's no threat happening. Okay. I would never threaten you. I I care about you deeply And that's why I want you to believe I care about you too. I love been doing research It's a family time you guys
Yeah, I love you guys. I'm sorry. I'm getting so hung up on this. That is the real point. Yeah I'm grateful for you guys. I Love you back. Yeah, I said I love you. I said I love Mac, but I love you too Dylan Yeah, like yeah, like a little bit less we all love I don't know how Yeah, and YOLO you only live your life once so make sure to spend it with the ones you love Especially before they pass away. I think love isn't it's not just a quantitative thing
It's also a qualitative thing like I feel like I have a different type of love for you guys, right? Yeah Yeah, I mean, I don't love you guys the way I love my mom or my girlfriend Yeah, I like it's special kind of like you don't like you don't love us. We live your girlfriend. No, why not? No offense, but uh You know me and my girlfriend are a little closer. Oh Exactly, so I mean well also sex which I believe love should always be probably
We don't want to get demonetized we probably shouldn't say so. Well. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah I don't want to get too sexual here. I mean our sex is not something offensive. I think it's a beautiful Exhibition of our love for each other and it's a very loving act. Yeah, but if it's being used without Procreation we probably shouldn't talk about it Yeah, I guess yeah, that could be debatable online. So yeah, I don't want to stir any controversy. Yeah outcome to I hate when people stir controversy
I do too. It's it's insane I I don't get it. Just why you make why are you creating a hub up? Just mind your own business mind your own business Yeah, people all these people Online aren't there enough problems in the world? I know that you're gonna stir some controversy. Yeah, you could be creating
Producing you could be righting solving. Yeah producing show putting your energy into something creative. Yeah, good point So I've all these bullies people are yeah They're on Facebook arguing in the comments and it's Oh my gosh, I just take a step back like okay time to log off. Yeah grandma. Is that you arguing on a Facebook? My grandma Google alerts about Get a guy get like threat someone getting threatened or something. Yeah, my grandma. Wow my grandma uses Google Analytics a lot
Wow, that's very high tech. So does Steven Hofstadter's actually Steven Hofstadter. Um, is Grammy's a sand comedian? Yeah I've heard of him. Yeah, he's I think I've seen some of his funny clips. Well Oh, yeah, I actually am a big fan of Steven Hofstadter and I think that I mean They shouldn't do a class action lawsuit. Everyone has got destroyed by him against him Yeah, I think they shouldn't do that. Is that like it? No, that was something
No, that was something I thought would be a bad idea if they did. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah for sure for sure Um, I'm gonna find it Hofstadter man. We can make a song that was good. That was a good segue to the To the bad comedy podcast. Oh, yeah, what about the bad comedy podcast? We can talk about DJ Darcy and oh like the what we can talk about like Bob Keen DJ Darcy. These are all people that everybody well because that was that was a podcast portion the normal podcast portion
Oh, we're done with the podcast and we're now we're going to the bad comedy. So it you just kind of laugh these cues I have no idea what's going on Be the worst guy improv probably probably almost ever. Yeah Yeah, because we're trying to have a serious conversation For dinner Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah, and you'd keep cracking jokes when I try to go back into the joke
You the combo joke that was not a joke. It was a funny story that was from reality about combos a topic We were talking about it was right on topic and you want to talk about I know that you had enough is a no, no, no, you did not as broke the you broke the fourth wall to accuse me of being a liar You did not confuse Combo's the snack you eat on the road with I'm I confused the a combo meal. I I absolutely you did not confuse a burger King combo meal with combos the snacks you get on the road
I did not yeah, I confused it. I said I they asked me if I wanted to try a combo meal and I thought you confused it I actually thought wow there was no Confusion sides now that's you said you're sorry now. No, no, it's even further shows that it was a lie I was simply told a story. Please go back and re listen to this. I wrote it all down I I actually recorded it I ever recorded your computer
No, I ever so we can go back and look at it ever quarter of my pocket. Let's play I secretly record you Listening this can all because I said it simply reminded me about how much I love combos and maybe one combos instead of Burger King No, you didn't say that. Yes, certainly did Jason was trying to do improv. I'd say no way. Yeah. Yeah nice Let's go to the I wasn't doing any improv because I was just trying to talk to you guys like human beings guys I want to segue from
That good podcast to the bad comedy podcast. Okay. Thank God that shit so that was that was I like those good podcast Yeah, we're now we're gonna do I honestly think I could do that for the rest of my life What if we did that and it just got way better
We did it with Sam Priest for like 30 minutes. Yeah, we like dress nice. I think you were there. No, I'm sad I was watching back The old Cliffs did well because they were so long So boring So we apologize for That whole thing but no Especially with Sam Priest who's
Yeah, dude, I love those old clips of us to talking about how much we love comedy and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, like I do People working We got big plans You commented on Facebook on I think it was that Like a bunch of laughs like yeah, that made me feel like you see a Jason was like defending zack Well, he didn't he probably not
Let's save all the zacko talk for the paywall. So if you want to zacko talk of patreon.com so I made comedy. Yeah, you gotta pay for that shit I don't know if you heard the opening song, but It's you know pay for it. It says in the that corn song. Yeah So we made it before we decide to throw all these bro keys of bone. Yeah, we're not giving you broke use of
Maybe buck up and hit subscribe. Oh shout out to new patrons Billy Dottaro and Cam honey badger Maybe buck up and be and be Hey, crazy bitch Maybe buck cherry and be a crazy bitch to new patrons shout out to cam honey. Yeah, and other guy Billy Dottaro Billy Dottaro And we're back sorry we had to take a quick break Zach O'Riang kicked down the door of the podcast studio. I thought it was secure and he tried to beat us up, but we Uh, what I did is I broke a window
Scared him away. I broke my own window. Dude ran away. He fled. Wow. Don't tell him anymore Some other crazy stuff happened, but if you want to hear about it, you gotta join patreon.com slash band comedy That's true. There's more to the story. It's only there's a bunch of other stuff that happened
You know, you know, and you would never know about it. I know I just learned 99 so I like our new patrons cam and yeah Billy did Billy shout out to them guys Billy tomato Remember that these people we have to give summaries for complete strangers Well cam your past guests we love them, you know to cam cam You should you should go by cam honey ham. Yeah, this full name is camera honey ham. Yep, and Billy Dottaro Southside comic We appreciate you
Don't more I got to Billy I believe I sound like a bit your criminal. I respect that We do love criminal patrons shout out to criminals or some of our favorites. I love crime and I hate the cops We like patrons that are criminals or have cool names For the most part but Billy if you want to Help me the zacko situation if you fund a police it's more crimes Come up north and join my secure security detail I kind of want to defend the police here actually Jason. Oh
Okay, it's a great band. Oh, yeah Barbarian I hate sending out a Nessos They do that song. That's the police. Damn. Yeah Sorry, oh shit. Yeah Said yeah, when they say defund the police. I'm like sting is a good singer Mm-hmm. Why are they trying to take down this band? I love sting the wrestler also Yeah, but the message when sting punches you you go. Oh that stings Yeah, no it's stung This character Zach O'Ryan was attacking the comedy gazelle, which is a great publication
We got it's an amazing magazine. It is my favorite thing is an African gazelle sub-saharan African gazelle Yeah, you never chase by a man. I just watch videos Mm-hmm on YouTube. I type in elephant Jason wants to be lying so bad I was talking to an African Uber driver. Oh, yeah, that is a Somalian but he was most recently living in Kenya I know an African Tesla driver his name is Elon Musk and then I told him I actually know more about Africa than you
Po I know more about Africa than you on my didn't this guy's been married three times. Oh, yeah. Yeah He built a heaven his brother built a house in Somalia for his mom to live in what a nice thing to do Mm-hmm. That's cool. He's currently trying to get married to this girl It's an effort trying to get her back here somebody said how many how many Africans you want to come to your comedy show tonight I said some all of yeah, yeah, they said he's Somali and I said
Oh, yeah, you're Somali are guys said because he's all pirate. I'm the captain. I said our go home. He makes Yeah, I'm the captain now. All right, you're the captain now. It's kind of weird how the pirates there Not really that much like the pirates to late the Caribbean back in the day They're a little bit different like they have like small speedboats and and like a fully auto machine guns
Yeah, but I like the old how do they pull the trigger if they have a hook for a hand. I don't know. Yeah seems difficult Yeah, I wonder they saw the parrots on their shoulders The parrot not a parent It was a parrot Tom Hanks was really the captain before is that right?
Okay, well, he was captain really captain that was captain so Lee Sullenberger. That was actually now he was I'm pretty sure he was the captain of that ship before he moved to Philadelphia I got and died from AIDS, you know, you know, it was really Sully my day is crashing into the Hudson. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you know Sully my day
Getting haunted by Sully the monster monsters. Oh Like Mike was asking Mike was asking is kind of like the Adam Gilbert of Monsters Inc If you told me you met somebody named Mike was out ski at the open mic yesterday, I would know you I would be like, okay Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I never seen he's a little green guy. Okay. Okay, what big one big guy? Um, but he's also his last name was out ski. So he doesn't he doesn't know make ice Mike was out ski is not funny
Honestly neither Sully don't mean to talk shit at name names. Yeah weak like a lame character just an old boring eyeball, you know what I love him, but he shouldn't be doing comedy It's depressed. Also, you know, who's not funny. Sorry Dylan. This might offend your family, but Groot Groot Okay, well overrated baby Yoda. Shut up. Yeah, he's a one. He's a one word
Who are all these? Yeah, people adore these little characters. Hey, guess what? They're not real Okay, I feel like you've been tricked, you know, you just like they're like we took this old guy and made him young and everyone's like Woohoo, but when I pitched hot job of the hut, nobody gave a fuck. Could you where'd you fish that? Fucking weird. Yeah, what is this at least numbered 15 you've been there, dude? I swear They're bringing me on to make fun of me. Why do they keep having you back?
And why do you keep going and I swear it's gonna end up like the movie the Joker. Yeah, yeah Keep having me on your show for a laugh save that for the Keep having you on Huh save save that because you don't mark Cuban here. He leaves a list. Yeah, I wanted yeah He's only a public listener mark Cuban too cheap to pay for our patreon go figure. This are wonderful. Actually is a patron Oh nice shout out to mr. Warp our patron mr. We're like him. He's our favorite shirt
But we kind of an ironic name because he's a nasty guy. We hate mark Cuban Isn't it funny his name's mark Cuban, but he's like the opposite of a communist. Yeah Should change his last name to scowl. Yeah, he's mean he's like you're so bad at singing you have your talent
You're gay. That's what it was. You know, it says you go gay I used to go to get a haircut still and I had barely any hair and I kind of looking back I felt like if I was auditioning for one of those shows and they just be like you have no voice You have nothing to do fluctuation You have no hair. I think is is that's a no for me dog. His tagline was like that was absolutely dreadful Uh-huh, but I don't have dreads
I don't know if that was something that he would say a lot of this episode. I remember scary movie 3 when he was judging the rap battle of the fake M&M Really big for my eight mile. Hmm. It's it cuts the yeah fake Simon Cowley's like that was Absolutely dreadful and then they just like shoot him to death Show that part the real fake M&M is the the not hot green M&M the hot green
M&M will be the real one for you. Yeah, Zeco kind of reminds me all the real M&M's please stand up by the way he talks Yeah, but it's good. It's kind of a summary. He's kind of like a We'll save it for the patreon. I can only crystal leo, but more of he's kind of like Chris Adalia, but more of a predator Yeah, no, I was gonna say he's kind of like M&M, but like just the voice not no talent really Yeah, you know, it's kind of like kind of talks like Paul wall. Yeah
Yeah, but he's not the people's champ. Paul wall is really cool. Yeah, I love Paul wall Paul wall is the the coolest wire rapper. Mm-hmm. So Paul wall or Paul McCartney. Who are you taking or Paul Miller? How about a little white? Yeah, yeah, three choices Paul Miller Paul McCartney and Paul wall. I'm a Jeff Miller So you watch but for what what's the what for what?
Like that fuck me your friend fuck Mary kill Paul wall Paul McCartney Paul Miller Okay, I'll marry I'll marry Paul Miller I always thought the fuck what the fuck one is you fuck them one I guess I got to kill Paul wall because Paul McCartney's more rich So yeah, you gotta marry whoever's the rich and he's gonna die sooner. So you know the money That's the move true and then and then maybe I'll use the money to revive Paul wall
So plus Paul McCartney would be the hottest one to have sex with all the stories and everything. Oh, sorry Yes, I have to marry him and then fuck Paul Miller. I gotta actually I'll kill Paul Miller. I got a hypo for you Yeah, I have to sacrifice Paul for the people's champ. Did we lose that joke I did about a Curtis flag? I'll do it on the patreon Curtis flag. That's a teaser
Also, how about this hypothetical? What do you think is a more stressful job being the president of America or being Adam? Quaslo shirt? Oh, it's actually Yeah, he has been dressing like Lizzo recently. Mm-hmm It looks like this corn looks like it has like like BB's in a shotgun You see that macy's day my baby You see that Mac the macy's day float. That's a BB King. Yeah, you're talking about Lizzo. Yeah
Yeah, they did a Lizzo macy's day really. That's awesome. It was life-size. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah That's got to that's heavy the biggest float, right? Yeah. Yeah, I mean well it lasted so They're talking about floats and I said that reminds me of a root beer float So is it sorry is it a replica of her? Like pump her up with a good bike pump or something. He's a lot of healing. They pump her up with a bunch of Helium
Probably she put herself up with a marshmallow. Yeah, but the thing is when you're fat You don't float food really You know she's the opposite of floating is you get held down really hard to the ground because the earth The earth loves yeah, yeah, and it also what the earth loves pain Can I say something about Lizzo when she says around the house? She says around the house dude Yeah, that's good. She's around I
Know Lizzo's armpits are so stinky the teacher gave her a plus for not raising her hand. Okay. Yeah I heard that you got a gay plus in school. Nope Mac where that come from? Let's talk about it. Yeah, you like doing that every time I make it gay joke instead of just saying another funny gay joke You know, so you want me to say funny gay joke? Yeah. Yeah, you don't have any you're not funny. Yeah I mean being gay is not funny. It's a serious
It's a word of God and get them out of the military. Yeah, and I have a political view Let's say according to the bad people they say that Maybe the algorithm will hear that and then I'd be like, oh, they're okay Sodom lists. They were they were saying as if there's someone else. Mm-hmm What about this? Sodomy and I've re Know how about this Jerry? Homity sorry Sodomy and Jerry homidy Jerry Sodomy. Yeah, Jerry Sodomy and he gets a he gets fucked by Kyle Lane old Yeah Yeah, oh did we the
We the land by the way doing a live podcast at comedy bar January 10th. Don't miss it January 10th I'll be putting on literature for it some flyers Once I make them and then promo videos, you know, I like to promote folks This is our most important thing In the world so if you could come it would mean the world. This is more important than the gazelles Yeah, combined with the gazelles from last year
But we're gonna be back to back champs folks and that's why we're gonna become the biggest podcast in the world. Yeah New world we're gonna We talked about Aladdin and got deleted yeah, Jerry, so what a shame No, I want to bring it back. So we got Jerry. Yeah, who'd you cast Jerry homidy's Aladdin? Uh-huh, and then Sahar's Jasmine Let's do but they don't have they don't have a relationship just because they're both Persian James and Jars the bird. He's the annoying Yeah Then Jafar is Bobok, okay
What's Bobok's real name? Well, he's he would actually do a good Jafar. Is that what you said? Because he's kind of yeah on this. I think he's kind of like oh Paul Farah Varsha be something. Yeah Yeah, he's like a dumb character from them Who else is characters ready at the salt there's like a poo the monkey is that his name a poo? Yeah, he could be a poo So far for so hard to book he's like so booked out every time I talked to him
Maybe we could have him on like on a weekday if you do a week. He's so he wanted to I'm just kind of worried About how mean he's gonna be when he comes. Yeah, I know he's gonna I know he's gonna make sure you're mentally prepared Yeah, because this guy I'm gonna be up all night writing roast jokes like in comebacks and stuff Well, I mean with his like our bear his aren't like those hacky roast jokes his are piercing his are personal
Yeah, really get to you the way you flustered them make you forget any jokes you even have prepared. Yeah, he's brutal Yeah, brutal on the roast Fuck dude, and that's why I ran a gym flanigan the podcast. It's a flanigan Sue mean he's not even funny He's just mean he's even worse than Paul fair con. Yeah Paul Paul Flanigan will say sorry Paul Flanigan Jim Flanigan will say stuff to me that legitimately Puts fear in my heart. Yeah, well, I told you that story about when it was Robbie Flanigan and
Jim Flanigan and Sean Flannery. They're all talking in Zane's and I walked up to them. Yeah, and I accidentally called Jim Flanigan Robbie Flannery. Oh, no, and then he said that's the type of shit to make him go off And he said what did you just say to me? Oh fuck? Oh, I was oh, I'm sorry. No Jim Flanigan It was just a confusion similar names. He said what do you hate Irish people? I was like, no, it was literally just a word
Miscommunication he said get out of Zane ease. You're never getting booked here. You're never getting booked anywhere in Chicago You're finished. Yeah. Yeah, so you know, I got his name He go to the Mexican restaurant every day and order flan. Isn't that great? I said Flan flan. I think it's Mexican. So it's all at the usual. They go you haven't flanigan. Yeah You should look up on your phone
I'm they might have it both places. I'm pretty sure that's a funny joke for a cliff Flan I went to I forgot to mention this but afterwards the casino with Hickok that one night we went to That Mexican place or it's an origin in France. Really?
So we went to the Mexican place it's it's southern Europe and Latin America So I have seen it at Mexican restaurants, which is why I thought that hmm Remember when you said that story about how you used to get drunk and hammer like black down go that Mexican place and watch the
Mexican TV and try to understand it. I don't remember that at all Lincoln Lodge off Western it's Jason It's big Lazo's or our Turros Yeah, you said you go to our Turros by yourself and eat a bunch of food you drunk food and then what and then watch the TV and try to understand it. I mean, I've definitely done that. I don't remember talking about it Maybe I used to live like a block from there. So I would go eat there because it's 24 hours
That's that I used to call that Taco Vegas. Yeah, maybe it was because they had all the lights and they're open 24 They serve alcohol to yeah, yeah, Lazo's and our Turros and oh and he kept Roring like tequila shots. I was like bro stop. I told him I actually had an early morning the next day You're just trying to fuck me Um, that rolls. Yeah, that place is good dude. Our Turros. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably the best drunk food. We went there and we tried to understand the TV and we couldn't
Because it's a Mexican. No, our Turros rules and it's the trash they put on TV Yeah, I mean, although I've definitely ordered food there and it came to the table ice-cold though Yeah, like they like just like it was probably the freezer and they probably want needs are working. She's not she's not very good Yeah, I like a win I Saw the Mexican lady works there. She's better Rosa Rosa. Yeah Rosa Rosa Parks
Rosa Parks, yeah, she's actually the first Mexican to sit in the front of the bus. It's a from Mexican people. Yeah Sometimes I see like a white girl like she'll she'll stand and says sitting by the black guy on the bus or nice I think let black people know you're still afraid of them. Well, no, I think Well, did it's what's he wearing all black Air Force ones? No, are you sure?
Because that would be a reason I wouldn't sit next to them Oh, that's an indication if it's all black even the swoop then that means that you do a lot of petty crimes like robberies Like small robberies. Yeah, I guess I just didn't notice what he's wearing I actually got PTSD probably the shoes not the skin color. Yeah, I actually got PTSD from a black guy wearing a band-aid on his face And let me tell you I think about it over and over again. Yeah, I
Had a dude I used to living Cabrini green. That's right. That's where I grew up. Oh, yeah Yeah, and there was this guy that he would open his mouth and what a bees would come. Oh my god
That's so scary. They call him plus call the exterminator Adam or Bansky. Yeah, so we call the exterminator and he left So we call the Adam or her not my bees And then also this other black guy had bees come out of his mouth that I knew uh-huh named Michael and Clark Clark sucking he's gay to him, but yeah, he got executed Because he sucked Tom Hanks his dick when Tom Hanks was an adult that turned to a kid not cool. I Was thinking that would this be no text name Jason Beasy be
It's all about bees. There's a I want to start an all B podcast There's yellow be easy, you know that yellow be easy Well, it really pisses me off. No, he got in trouble for I think doing something really bad to a woman. Okay
Yellow be easy. There's also honeycomb brazy Who has the I did acid and watch his music video and I couldn't stop laughing at his head Oh, yeah in the video because he has this huge head and then there's a part of the video where they're giving my haircut And I kept thinking like they're preparing his head for the video Where I will watch his giant head mover That was on as a just having fun. So I was I was hard on the strong or Donald like during this whole zacko thing and I was like
Bro, like we're organized crime organization. Now. We're the Costa Nostra of comedy was
Oh, I like the sound of that Spanish. No, it's Italian. That was the that's cool but that was that was the family of like the Gambino's and all those yeah, and He told me that he's gonna He's gonna get the monopoly on turtle races in Chicago He's gonna get steel or by all the turtles from Turtles He's gonna have the monopoly at 10 Lizzie's and have the only turtle racing place in the city If I said go in there and go talk to the guy who owns all the turtle races and you walked in the room
Not knowing who it was and Donovan was there. You'd probably think it was him Well, I want all the turtle races like something about his vibe
Yeah, I told Don like I'll be like trust me. You'll know who owns all the turtle races when you see you I told Donovan Yeah, that could be one of our rackets you can be a capo you're in he's like I like how you just like took the took it from me I was like, I mean I wasn't really asking and then I was like don't make me come I'll get I'll use time to think about this, but don't make me come back in a different way
Yeah, I used to play the guitar in the mob. I was big with a capo. Yeah, nice I like the movie Kapo Kapo fear with Robert De Niro Kapo fear Cape Capo fear change that's the Spanish subtitle version Hmm. Capo fear. There's this one guy. I think it's No, just go No, I met this guy this is actually this is actually something good I met this guy Cleo's who's sitting right next to Dale. He had the honey homemade honey What was he a bee?
Yeah, he's family. You're telling me his family has a bee farm. You met a bee. I know I met he made the honey though I asked him about he didn't steal it from bees. I asked him if he had a beekeeper of it and I asked him like Like how often do the beekeepers like get the honey off the harvest my little brother did bees He says a few times a year the honey. Yeah, that's just tight My little brother's like a chef and he did bees and oh, I should I should have asked me if he wanted to be a
Sponsor for a podcast. Yeah. Yeah, this be a good intro for an all-bee podcast. Don't interrupt me I'm a bee. I'm a bee. I'm a mama bee. It's good keeper Okay, I said not to interrupt don't interrupt me So that was uh, so what about this? I'm fascinated by bees instead of stay scheme and it's bee keeping People trying to get my honey. It's not as popular. I read for my bees Yeah, it was actually nominated for a bee to you award. So maybe you're out of touch
So maybe pick the winning song. Hey guys. Hey patrons, if you know that song that uh, put the name of that song in the comments And I'll give you a free month. Nice You can get a free month um patreon.com slash bad comedy I heard is this new website And guess what I just heard about this website patreon.com slash bad comedy. I've never heard of this. What is this?
Yeah, so you go in there. Please you can join this uh this podcast. It's really awesome And all you gotta do is pay a monthly fee of $3.99 Which is like nothing. That's like a soda pop now That's like how much it cost a park for one hour. Yeah, I mean and you would think that it's been 3.90 down for a while You would think they would raise it because of inflation. Yeah, and so how popular it is. Yeah, basically
It's like the price of like a small sprite at mcdonald's wow. Yeah, because they've inflated and they had the spicy spray Yeah, and we just kept their price. I mean they this website kept their price the same It's basically a sent an episode if you subscribe nice So that sounds cool. Yeah, there's like there's like 300 episodes. I think so you can
Be entertained for that's almost as many guys as there are isn't that movie the 300. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Almost 300 is almost as many guys as we're in the greek army against The battle of thermopoly. Yeah, all those guys who fought blake berghart. I love the battle of the monopoly We also are we have a go play berghart with a nose ring
Go fund me right now to raise money. We're trying to get uh wooden shoes and beekeeper outfits So if you could help us out, we were at five dollars last time I checked and yeah, that was not nearly that was an anonymous guy That wasn't me. Um How do you know as a guy? Oh, I'd also never posted the link anywhere, which I should probably do. Yeah. Oh, we should actually promote this Yeah, oh, I know paper paper shirts also dude when you were having that big issue was echo ryan
We should have been posting about the shoes. We were getting a lot of eyes. We could have probably gotten enough money We really squandered an opportunity here I mean the main thing we want is the beekeeper outfits So if you get us to that guys at least maybe we can pay afford the wooden shoes, but I would just buy us beekeeper office by already spending all my money on dreadlock wigs
Yeah, bear me in my wooden shoes. Just know how much marijuana leaf bucket hats You know every scent of the patreon goes to buying props and stuff to to entertain you guys And we we wouldn't be able to have these corn outfits this goddamn cornucopia costs like a hundred dollars We wouldn't be able to have these corn outfits without our amazing patrons And if you're listening to this like a broke freeloader, yeah, then maybe uh
Join the patreon because there's another episode every week. That's always way better Yeah, if you're a patron, I consider you a personal freak on a leash. Yeah, these first episodes are just kind of ironic We're trying to be a bad cop podcast on purpose. The second ones are super funny when you tune in We're just like talking about like our families and Thanksgiving and stuff. Yeah
Long lessons in life. I can't wait to look at the retention of that part Yeah, it's gonna be brutal You probably should have done it later in the episode You could maybe say the irony thing first or Um, so we're gonna experiment. I said when I say my gun is ironic. I mean that it's made of iron But it's it's real it every thread is you're never joking about it. Yeah I just know what ironic meant especially to all the people who are upset this week
Mm-hmm. Yeah, all the people that were worried for Zacharine's life Yeah, I am worried for him. So yeah, I'm I'm a little bit worried for his life, too I just don't want him to get hurt or in trouble before he refollows me on instagram I just don't want him to make a mistake that might uh, you know jeopardize everything he has Yeah, especially his ability to follow me on instagram. It sounds like his friends and family
Really thought that he would lose like whatever he has left. Yeah, that's kind of funny Yeah, they thought that he's gonna lose every I mean he has so much to lose. He's got a bandana. He got one bandana one shirt And his friends and family are like oh if he loses that bandana, he's gonna be Yeah Have you ever exactly do the joker he says this shit is bandanas? B A N D A N A S Imagine your own friends or family
This quick spelling this joe is bananas. Oh shout out Joe bananas. He's on the wall of fame Uh, we love Joe bananas. We will be performing with Joe bananas tonight at end of the line And you'll you'll catch this episode if you're a patron on sunday and if you're a free letter you get a tuesday Just so you guys know if you're listening on youtube you get it two days earlier if you're on patreon
So that's early access plus an additional episode. Yeah, shout out all those guys in india and I can tell you on the patreon this week Is this it probably? Yeah. Yeah, there's gonna be some fucked up shit folks So um, so Judge dread did he have dreadlocks? Yeah Well, he would judge other people's dreadlocks. That's what that's what if anybody tries to cancel us for having dreads
If they judge us they are judge dread. Yeah, I do think our judge dread Yeah riddle judge dreading riddle me that I just watched the 2012 judge dread it was called dread and it was great Um, it's fucking cool. Hey. Hey listeners. Who do you know fresher than hove, huh riddle me that? Uh big pippet That was something I came up with I got my hove like jojoba. Is it recording?
So we've been uh, so this is has been a One take podcast we haven't really been uh, they've all been recorded in one time H to the iso Big shrimp in is a fish isle mine isle used to riddle down of you big shrimp dick little Balls big shrimp dick. That's that's an axiomoron big shrimp dick like jumbo shrimp. Yeah big shrimp dick I caught in the sea Big shrimp dick tiny balls Oh Big shrimp Four four big shrimp boat that's big shrimp boat with bubba gum
Uh catching shrimp should we uh talk about types of shrimp? I like how they make bubba retarded kind of shrimp Uh, they all kind of were in that movie. Yeah Yeah, shrimp taco shrimp flan, but then jenny she's not retarded, but she gets aids Jenny is a two types of people in this world. Jenny is a massive whore People who are borderline Down syndrome if anybody's a fan of jenny in that movie. She might be the worst supervillain of all time. Yeah She just fucked over this retard guy from so long
Our word is sorry. Let's just remember we are on youtube. I forgot YouTube.com Yeah, check out youtube if you're uh, if you're watching this on youtube, you're watching listening on spotify This is an episode. It's probably better for youtube
Based on our outfits and youtube. I believe that you can get like youtube television or pre you could subscribe on youtube to our channel if you're listening to shit on youtube play it loud on the train Yeah, yeah, yeah We prefer when our listeners listen to our podcasts off their phone on the bus Yeah, I'll out it because then don't be a because we feel gangsta because normally people play gangsta rap off their phone
Don't be scary. I always like it's kind of like when I go to do my laundry And I have the pod playing and then it's like kind of my rushing roulette is like, uh, what are they going to say? Yeah, when I'm in the hallway, you know what jack Nicholson says he says, uh, no tiki no laundry So he says not a parted But he's talking to the chinese guys. Yeah, bro. Jack. Listen. He goes. I have the shining
Everybody says uh, the knights of columbus real headbreak is true guineas. Yeah, they says the n word at some point I forget where he has this as uh, um, this ring the nights the nights of columbus I mean that motorcycle movie with denis hopper used to be in the knights of columbus Hopper were you at the nights of columbus in boston when you lived there?
Uh, no, the nights of the round table with karen arthur. They're real, uh, headbreakers true guineas It's kind of like the white Disciples Yeah, I mean gangs I think the white disciples or jesus's friends pretty sure Oh, I was talking to dylan about this, you know, the black disciples. Well, there's the white disciples jesus's friends Yeah, yeah, like the disciples. Um, but did you hear?
I don't know if it was all of us talking to just me and dylan or me and you but um, you might be in the bathroom, but jesus He didn't yeah, we can burn these things. Yeah Yeah, that's pretty good. Was it wasn't a nice to me to force it my spot to tie. I'm still gonna come but yeah The side of the cross is really kind of like a gang sign. I was gonna just do that joke after not even trying it out anywhere
I was gonna do it tonight. Yeah, that would have been good. You're gonna sabotage your show No That that would crush. Yeah, so it's like you can't sabotage I'm sorry. Jesus did not rise from the dead It was his It was his Disciples his gang of goons they moved the rock and then they put him in a wheelchair and sunglasses on him I was gonna do I'm gonna try this joke. It was like weekend at Jerusalem
Weekend at Bethlehem. Yeah, no Nazareth weekend at uncle Muhammad's weekend in the lineup Uh Week weekend of the lineup Week end of the line Week You should I think you should actually call us start of the line just change it. Yeah He's gonna I didn't name it. I don't care. I wish I want to get rid of it. It's like herpes Yeah It's like a so in my lap just like herpes. It's just a little parasite on your shoulder
Selling my lap. It's like a tapeworm, but it's not making you skinny. Yeah Yeah How many tapeworms I gotta eat? Because you've been eating the normal worms or scotch tape on them, right? Well, yeah, you gotta try the gorilla tape I thought I was in a ringworm, but it was actually a ring camera
Dr. Tom will stop eating ring cameras. So um still in his favorite thing because he's a wrestler He's the ring camera the wrestling ring people think that tapeworms are effective for weight loss squared circle It's uh, it's glue worms that really are Yeah, you just you just soak uh, you soak uh Rock paper, rock paper scissors worm
Yeah, Jason's doctor told him he's gotta lay off the cake. You know who's doctor is he didn't say anything about icing He's a doctor's doctor He said he told him that you ever You ever have a dick in your mouth in the south That says a doctor's older because he's a doctor shoes. Yeah We weren't listening we were cracking on about my joke I was bringing back an old joke from the podcast Hey, hey, hey Where doctor said I had to cut down on the sugar. He didn't say anything about aspartame
It's nice. Yeah, I was referring to the clip where you uh, you talked about how You're born purple because you got your dick red the first time. Yeah And then the second time you said it, I think you get any for you fucking it up I was gonna give you level five And then I was like, you like no, no give me give me level five. Yeah And then I said Then you started doing it again, and then I was like, who's your doctor? He said doctor's soos. He's he ever put a dick in your mouth in the south
I miss level five. I should probably look at this uh soundboard I got choked by my mom's umbilical cord. It's kind of like that was like her dick You know what I mean? What's the difference between that's the mom's dick umbilical cord I'm what about umbral? Because it's useless. Yeah
And uh, what I bring that on shark like umbral cord. Yeah, and it's like an um, uh, it's like an umbrella But it's like an umbilical, you know holds it back into it back when I was in my mommy's tummy I never had to worry about the weather Mm-hmm. I was I was always inside. I was it. You're really sheltered. I uh, I was actually uh watermelon seed What and then I grew I grew your part watermelon I'm I'm mostly watermelon So I deserve all the Uh like native american stuff
God said be fruitful multiply. I said give me a give me a watermelon. Yeah, I'll be full. Yeah That's right right now and then I said three times three is nine Aren't you uh, I said be fruitful multiply. I said four times two is eight All right, you're pregnant. You're pregnant with a watermelon, right? Yeah, I ate a pineapple and I said four times four is 16
Uh-huh. I was being fruitful multiplying. What's up? I got I got a pineapple went to went to pineapple express You guys ever seen pineapple express the movie? Yeah, so I said It's just a rating on the pineapple The movie or the fruit jeans. No the the uh, it didn't go the joke didn't go too well Wait, wait, are you talking about pineapple express the movie or the fruit jeans the back broke express pineapple express The restaurant. Are you talking about the fruit road?
It's Hawaii. Yes the pineapple express way I asked if they'd seen any of them under what and they said no I was like, well, this isn't a good bid And my pants fell down because I wasn't wearing my bible belt So embarrassing you should have worn your slim straight jeans. Yeah, or your leather pants or the boots of the fur Need a belt, you know, your gay fat jeans really clash with your bible belt because the bible says
Uh-huh. That's wrong to be gay. I like having such tension right right You could add you could add those to tell you your slim straight jeans Um, it looks like fat and gay. So I got a bible belt. So I'm not sinning. Yeah, you should do you should have this Your shirt can't pull it out. You should add uh, a what? Jesus. A chick a chick a slim straight jeans My name is a wear it. What? I'm slim slim straight jeans. What?
What turns out is fat gay jeans. Uh, will the real will the real slim straight jeans please stand up? Because I could use a pair These are fat and gay as hell It'd be cool to have a belt buckle. That's like a crucifix That would be pretty sick, dude. I wish I saw that my confederate belt Right on my dick I could I like picture a country rock singer. I mean, sorry a Christian rock singer We're like one of those belt buckles. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be cool
I go ladies, you're not gonna take this belt off of me until we're married. The uh, you know, I met Scott staff I met Scott darling Well women believe in name drop because we're mess guys are all like no I met him. You guys have never met him That was his that was his uh the guy he has around Just got darling. We'll not I hope he perishes Our beautiful patron's got darling. Yeah, well, we're on the free episode anyway So I would like to freely say Scott darling
I've never met him. Yeah, he hasn't ever met him. That's his uh, he uses a double. Yeah, that's not dorky I'll tell you what I don't want to meet him All I hear of him is say violent stuff. I would like that. He wants to fight Mack for flashing a gun at him No, that's a different guy. No Scott's got our back. He's on he's on the good side Wait, you talking about the Scott of the toilet paper dynasty. Yeah, Scott called me. He's on
Scott's Scott uh, Macko and Zach toilet paper. Yeah, but he doesn't like to talk about the toilet paper stuff great Scott What about toilet is strange some like the toilet paper? Scott family It's fucked up that I never met Scott drawing because I actually went to Scotland looking for him. Oh really? Yeah, you think you would find them. I searched far and wide. I was scottish. They're kind of like Yeah, they're kind of like Scott darling. Yeah
I met some people. Yeah, we're scottish, but I didn't meet the real genuine artifact. Oh the real Scott my my uh My friend's dad his name's Scott You know, really? That's pretty good. Jared. Where is he from Scotland? Nice Uh, whatever our first picture Jared who doesn't listen Tell Jason said that. Yeah, I'll tell him. Yeah. Oh, I'll tell Scott that. I guess just text him. Yeah Dumb ass. I just like saying. Hey Scott, where are you from? Scotland?
Man, we should have Scott back on the podcast. Just say that to him. Grillin' about the scott What are you in the Scotland yard? Yeah Where's your favorite place to hang out? Bothwell middle school. What do you wear? The yard or the country you're from? Scotland. What's your favorite kind of tape? Scotch tape. What's your favorite kind of drink? Scott? You got a Scotch tape worm Idiot dude. If we do if we run into a scott, we don't like they're gonna get punished. Fuck yeah, dude.
Good thing we like Scott darling. Yeah, take him off his high horse. You know, he's always so confident not like up there shaking nervous Like a baby. No, that's his double. It's sort of his gimmick Looking scared on stage. What are you in here? He's new. Yeah, I read directly off my phone for like he's scary. He's scary. Not so big up there without your bagpipe. Are you? Yeah I like that. Not so big up there without your 20 pounds of padding
That's what he was. He wish he had a big heavy mask. Yeah. Oh He should I hope he has his goalie equipment so that he can wear it to walk in the gazelles in front of me The kill and what the some shoulder pads maybe Yeah Like a hockey helmet or something. Yeah, let's go back to this tone from back in the day The only interesting thing about hockey anyways is the icing punty
Yeah, my doctor said I need to cut down on the cake but he didn't say anything about icing. Nice Yeah, if you and my doctor gives you recommendations, you can just go off like on things that are close to it Like they don't need yeah, don't need uh, like deep dish pizza. Have you told me you eat dish pizza?
So you just get but what's the thin cross pizza? But you didn't say anything about pie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah You just gotta you got to read between the lines of your doctor's advice and then still have the same harmful effect on your body with something That's similar to what they said. You're still following doctor's orders technically And doctors you don't follow doctor's orders. You can go to jail. Yeah according to zacko. Yeah. Yeah That's what zackos lawyer told me. I was assumed my doctor's
Winking with with two eyes. Yeah. Well, my doctor is 20 feet tall He looks hates Nancy Pelosi. Whoa Yeah I don't know why he hates Nancy Pelosi so much man 20 feet tall. How's he even getting into office? Yeah, I was getting into Nancy's office. Is he like a super tall? That's a good shot at office January 6th is about that. Should we do is about a bunch of funny people with the office We should do an office. We can make this show kind of like the office. Yeah
Yeah, we could do that. Luna says like the office should do and then it's like Dylan says something weird and then me and Mac look at the camera like oh my god, that guy's weird. Yeah, I just kind of like I was like Dylan's being so weird right now. Also, Jim Halper face. He could get zacko Well, I will help her. I want Dylan to be the Actually, the favorite harder guy Kevin has to be Jason for uh, Who would oh you're uh, Toby
Yeah, that makes sense. He gets walked on a lot and then I'm Jim. I guess you're uh, no you're Steve Carell's character That's fine. Oh, yeah, you're retarded and you're always bossing us around. Yeah Yeah, I like that. What about Steve Kyron? Oh Yeah, I like that and he's uh, he's just like basically Steve Carell, but he's uh, light skin black and his dreads Steve Carell. I'm sure I'm like Steve Kybert. It was like Steve Colbert. What about Steve Kylane? Oh
How about Steve? How about how about Kaya Haran? It's Kaya Osborn and like that Kyron. What about uh, what about uh, uh, Kyron Osborn. Osborn uh, Osborn sister-owns Talent Osborn sister-owns. Yeah, you have nothing Um, I love watching people get told that they have no talent and that they'll never make it. Yeah, that's what I'm a huge fan of semen Yeah, yeah, yeah Just tell them they have semen call in my opinion demon. Oh, yeah, he's mean. He's mean
How about Simon says be a little nicer to everybody? Simon says a lot of mean shit I'm a highman says I'm a virgin Simon says a lot of mean shit like that Simon says you have no talent How do I play my joke? I just it was so clever. What'd you say? Hyman says I'm still a virgin Uh, there was a I worked at a school With like uh, these four if you have a hymen I was a recess monitor for a lunch monitor for these fourth graders And there was this kid his name was hymy or something
And I accidentally called him hymen because I didn't know his name. I thought everyone was calling him hymen I was like, that's a weird name But I'm not gonna question it because I'm just trying to do my job And I go I go hymen Get in line and I was like his name's not hymen Because you know kids always like to correct you. Yeah, they were too young to realize that a hymen is a pussy. Yeah. Thank god That could have gone way worse for that kid If they knew that it was a pussy thing they would
But it is a virgin. Is this the same school that uh, I think Jeffrey azmus was working at? He worked at very shortly. What happened? Well, I don't know. They did background checks. I remember I know you guys worked together. I don't know if the whole story. I remember Normal they said we had to redo our background check and then he just didn't show up the next day Really? Yeah, like I think and then he like left town
What? Yeah, he started doing comedy all over the country, but you said you had he left behind like a A flash drive or something. There was a flash drive. I was scared of putting my computer. Yeah I don't want to get it. It's a whatever whatever files. Well, it's a cp. It probably stands for computer I think it was like he's a child person Yeah Yeah He's good with kids. I think the flash drive
I mean it's got a simple for a computer because you put the flash over the computer or cp. Yeah, it's probably a computer person He's a computer person. So it's probably just like a computer or maybe it was cheese pizza because we did eat a lot of pizza Oh, yeah, uh-oh. I heard pizza game might be real Pizza dude pizza is good. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. What's your favorite kind? I cheese I like uh, I like luma Nadia's a lot. That's my favorite deep dish like a fresh
Luma luma Nadia sounds like a guy you'd go bowling with yeah. Hey me and luma Nadia are going bowling. You want to come? Yeah, yeah, or a guy who uh, we're gonna be a guy who extorts you for money or something. Yeah Yeah Uh My name is luma Nadia. Why do you think uh, al Capone like to like to put a like he had to put a capo on That's a guy's name al capone. Oh, I haven't shown you my al capo on on the third fret fret
What about al Paco al al Paco cone? Oh, I like that And he's it's al like he's the mob boss of Chicago, but he's a al Paco You know, yeah, we went and me and my girl went and saw al Paco's you could pet their necks There was al al Paco Pone there. Did you see them pictures of me with al Paco's? I saw those pictures of you I did a root beer friday I'm gonna stop correcting you because I got corrected like 20 different times the thanksgiving
Corrected on what? Oh my grammar I'd be like me and him to be him and I Yeah, so nobody says Whoever corrected you like No, I'm gonna say me and him I'm gonna I'm gonna talk like this and I have the freedom to talk like this And you can correct me as much as you want, but I'm gonna talk bad. Yeah, it's a free country I could talk like I'm poor if I want to that's what I yeah, yeah You guys what do you have?
Who's uh, he's telling me this is my hammer. No the hammer nice Yeah, this was an award I got You got an award Yeah years ago when I was useful You just been taking around with you. No, I was gonna use in my intimidation video. Oh nice Just have it sit in here, but kind of wouldn't balance very well, but that's awesome. Yeah, it's because I'm tougher than nails I love that or if you hammer people down
Well, I have in my bag my brother's nickname in sports is hammer your gay brother. No because it's My other brother's not interesting It was the worst of pulling out women I like that. That's really good. I like that. That's actually good. Not like really good. It's for yeah Well, what do we say when a joke's actually good? I don't know It's never happened. It's never happened before they say like get off the stage or something
No, I think it's actually you're kicked off the podcast. Yeah bad comedy. You can't say The things that are actually funny But so why did you get the Pikachu corn? I just got the corn dude. I just searched fake corn. That's what I got Look, it was hard to get this stuff together
You could have just gotten the cornucopia and then just like uh getting some really cheap just like actual corn. Yeah That was out there Said I spent yeah I you know how much real corn I could have bought to get the money I spent on that fake corn like uh, probably loads 80 cops I could have filled a hobo soup. How much is a cob? Maybe we should get a cob commodities a cob is one of those the
Cobotities. Yeah, cob is one of those the commodity sounds like somebody with a stuffy nose or jewish guy saying commodities commodities Yeah Why are you always sick man? Yeah Yeah, I was a big commodity the hunchback of noture cob Oh the Hunch bob of noture keen Ah need a haircut in a real cob Yeah, I think after today I'm probably gonna do fun. I'll probably I'll probably get a haircut all cobs or bastards
Well, this is a great show cobs. Yeah cobs. It was yeah. Why did they take it down? They were like bad bad Cobs, yeah You're a good food. Yeah My george You're a good food. You're a good food when you're on my plate. Yeah Who can I call for some corn? Nobody don't want no Split peas. Nobody don't want no beans They're burying in my beekeeper outfit burying in my wooden shoes and throw some cobs in there. Yeah What about the corn and steen corns? Oh
Yeah, it's kind of weird because no one remembers that. Yeah, they remember it as well They remember it as corn to the C. It was really corn to the K. What is that called? The mandela effect the cornedela effect I think that's a good way to close this one off The corn effect Guys, patreon.com slash bad comedy. That's where the funny episodes are That's where the guest episodes are the funny ones. We also released these two days earlier on there It's 3.99 that's basically a cent per episode
It's it's child's corn. We didn't raise prices with inflation Like most people did January 10th at comedy bar live show January 10th comedy bar Yep at a corn comedy bar. Yeah, go to corn comedy.com corn comedy bar.com Pick the Chicago brand. No, don't go to that. I'll get your cargo stulk I'll get you a corn. I'll get you all a link at some point makes the sick flyers Make some fucking we'll get some merch. Yeah, dude. Yeah
Have a coot go. Yeah Catch me to end the line In the audience because I'll probably get my spot just one else Um, and then What do you got? Just follow me at comedy baddie and come see me at zany's on the 28th of November 2023 Only do that matters 915 January 10th live show. It's jason birthday. It's my birthday. It's my birthday as a birthday present you guys Can you just an anniversary of your album? Yeah, look at the camera and say this guy jason
Yeah, let's say what excuse me while I look at the sky. Yeah, can you look at the camera and say Please for my birthday. It's my birthday. Please my birthday Pretty, please come to my comedy show. No, not like that pretty please. No do acting. I'm just a little baby. Yo Yo, so you know Babysito now do do uh do like a desperate desperate adult that really wants to come do show on his birthday. Damn it. You can't be a speak english
A different cage. Yo, so you know, um, I know My birthday is juneteenth Yeah, uh, man, too. It was any day in june. It's a little baby. I'm i'm juneteething I'm getting my teeth. I'm uh, you're being taught racism as a minor I always thought when I was a baby, I always thought I was a Wayne Brady turned out as a baby the whole time Yeah, a little Wayne Brady a little Wayne Brady All right folks, uh anything else guys
Amen. Well, thanks for coming on boys What have you found out that bad man was actually a little Wayne Brady? Oh, did you guys learn anything new today? Yeah, I learned there's just one race the human race and there's just one audience the human audience Yeah, which you'll hear in a few days Uh Corn wait, wait, we never what are you guys thankful for? I'm thankful for uh corn I'm grateful for gratitude. I'm grateful for my good feeling my soul to keep I think that grateful for yeah
My soul to keep and uh, i'm jonathan hickark davis. This has been uh, I'm the real slib straight jeans Zecro welch and I'm the Train man. We love you But bye. We'll see you at comedy bar in after a couple of episodes corn and then so Every week listen to these plugs and then we'll remind you just gonna forget jane already done corn rows today Do your hand by