Hey everybody, welcome to the bad comedy podcast. My name is Gaston Glock Jr. And I'm here with Dylan internet number one influencer aka Norm MacDonald Trump. And I wonder why the Barney but you sound you sound like Donald Trump. You don't sound like me. Oh my God, am I not norm enough for you folks? I'm I'm more norm and I'm not even good at it. See this is the
new norm. What does that make me old? I hope not. I certainly hope not. When I was early in comedy people thought I was kind of like copying Norm's essence and I had never seen Norm stand up. Well back in the day I thought maybe he could stand up now he's six feet under. Yeah, I think it turns out really sad. I think it turns out that people can have similar styles of humor. You know, absolutely a lot of copycats. Yeah, a lot of a lot of copy
of rats. A lot of rats in politics. We got to drain the swamp. We got to get Shrek the heck out of here. And I tell you I feel like I don't even have a donkey. Yeah, I can't be Shrek. Yeah, folks. Patreon.com slash bad comedy. We have 3000 episodes almost there. Check it out. If you join that then you become a part of an army of baddies that is becoming huge. We're going to deport Steven Hofstetter. It's it's a really big thing. So check that
out. I wish he had kids just so I could put him in a cage. Oh, kids. Remember I had a great joke earlier on my career. Kids in cages. What's up with that? What's the deal with that? Honestly? Yeah, you know, it turns out that kids in cages served under Obama. It doesn't surprise me to learn that. Yeah, it's like turn drones kids in cages. He's a good guy. No, I'd say drone strikes and three strikes are out. I say no, Obama. No, Obama. Thanks,
Obama for nothing. Yeah, I want we could have had a cool black president. You know, like like a Snoop Dogg. Pretty much any black guy. Even we could have had Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson as vice president. Now that's the ticket and you voted for Willie. Is that correct? Well, I did last time. You wrote him in very patriotic of you to write somebody. Well, the problem is so in 20 2016, I voted Donald Trump is a bit to anger my whole like my family
and it worked. And they hate they were so mad at me. See, that's a tactic. If you're a cool guy, yeah, yeah, then you can be the rebellion. So yeah, so I went in, I waited in line and then I asked the black pollster for the Republican thing. And then they give me a look like fucking white racist. I was like, okay, and then I went vote for Donald Trump as a bit. They gave you a look and you're like, that's not a gangsta. It was a bit.
And then I told my whole family for Donald Trump as a joke. They didn't think it was funny. Well, they have no sense of humor, your family. They don't understand. It doesn't matter in Illinois. So how did you get the sense of humor when your family's so unfunny? Did you get molested? Didn't get molested? No, I think I got the sense of humor because well, no, my, my, my, he got molested, folks. He got molested. My uncle's really funny. My
my mom's brother. And so I think that side of the family has the comedy gene. I think I got it because my the rest of my family got the better looks. They're hotter than me. Like my family's really hot. And when I was fat, I was like fatter and less hot than I am now. I'm hotter now. If I was like clean shaven, I'd be super hot right now. You clean shaven little thinner. I swear I'd be looking at the sun when I'm looking at
your mom. I think I'm looking at the sun. She's old as fuck. She's like my mom's like the sun is old. My mom's like 150 years old. Well, she looks about, I don't know, maybe 20, 25. Yeah. Oh, she would do like a late night. Like, it's a little bit of a if you want to buy a what of a kind Donald Trump coin. These are great coins for great. This is the currency for when when the hell breaks loose when the
illegal immigrants win the votes. So what's the coin shortage or coin collection? What's going to happen if Kamala wins and then it turns out she won because of illegal immigrant votes? Let's say that probably should be overturned. Probably a world war. Sorry, a civil war. Now I wouldn't want to incite that but never know people probably won't be happy. I'm not inciting that all all I'm I'm Are you exciting? No, not at all. Well, I'm I'm hypothesizing.
I remember when they attacked the Capitol and I said, you guys need to go home. They didn't even attack this kind of like walk around. Like a couple people like fucked up Nancy Pelosi's office, which they should she can just get a new office with all the money she's gotten in stock. Right. They're probably just trying to buy the new hot stock. Yeah, looking at her files. Yeah, yeah. Well, she's she's so good at the market at timing the market.
It seems like she she's always sells stock right before the DOJ goes after them. No, they say you can't down the market. I say nasty Nancy. Yeah, she could down the market. You know, her portfolio is better than Warren Buffett's literally. That's where to get it performs better than Warren Buffett's now if that doesn't incite violence, I don't know what good. Yeah, she's a Warren puppet. She's a warring puppet. She takes you on a war.
She's the Wolf of Sesame Street. Also, how does Mitch McConnell keep getting elected that he looks like a turtle? He is a turtle like and it's not a cool turtle like Franklin where's he where's he from? I want to see where Mitch McConnell's from. I believe he's from his own shell. And maybe that's where Michelle comes from. Yeah, well, apparently I've heard things that it's Michael Obama, big Mike that Michelle you see she's pretty
muscular. And that's why no one gives respect to Melania. She's a hot first lady. Oh, Mitch McConnell. And there needs to be more pornography of Melania. Well, no, what we need is a lot of the admin you were kind of chatting this up in Congress in the cabinet, we need hot Republican women that are minorities. So we need beautiful Hispanic and black Republicans to diversity, sexiness, to be in Trump's cabinet to be in Congress. So Kim clasic, we need her
out of Baltimore area. She's for Kim. Yeah, we need a different hot Latina to take AOC's place who's Republican because the spice of life or AOC could flip red maybe even though she's like a complete communist. Maybe we could flip her. Yeah, I'm saying I don't think it should be a cabinet. I think it should be more like my bedroom. Oh, weird. He's Kentucky because Kentucky has Kentucky 82. No, he's right on the brink of death. Well, Kentucky
has like two of the most like honest people in Congress. Rand Paul and Thomas in Thomas Massey. Massey is that one guy I was showing you the budget. He's very concerned about it. So is Rand. So is Rand Paul. They're both Kentucky guys. But this guy's like the worst. So they try to kind of like counteract him. But he needs to go. He's a turtle. Hold on, let me show the people this turtle that I'm looking at. No, you know, I mean, the left
tries to put anybody out there. I think that they should at least be a human being. You can have Ninja Turtles running around and you guys hold on turtles coming. They can barely run. But you're talking about what was her name, Kim Kim, classic Kim, classic. And so nobody calls her big Kim. Sorry, big Mike. I wasn't able to pull it up. But we need a little kid. You guys know what a Mitch McConnell looks like. He looks he's a good dying turtle.
And he's he's he's a part of the I mean, like I'm not I'm an independent. I'm not a Republican or a Democrat, but he's the bad type of Republican. No, he's got a it's a gaol. He's he's got a like the turkey. He's got a Jowls. Yes, a Jowl or they say mine looks like a vagina, at least it's vagina. The vagina. Yes, if it's a job, I like all I need to pull him up. McConnell's got a man. Jowl. Now if we could go on, I'll have man Jowl trending.
Elon now Elon Musk, you know, you know, I know, I know you learn. I like Elon. I love Elon Musk. He's kind of like the chart. I love my chart. My life. All right, folks. We got Mitch McConnell, this this old guy who's always trying to go to war and stuff. And for me, they have that book called War and Peace that I wrote. But he doesn't great great great. Yeah, if you listen to our history podcast, the wrong side of history, you'll
hear about how I wrote the book War and Peace. But okay, about peace and okay, this is the guy that we should have. Yeah. So I feel like okay. What are we looking at? You're telling me this is not a turtle. Oh, it looks like is this guy does this guy not look like Dana Carvey shooter. Does he not look like Dana Carvey from what is it called Dana Carvey for a master of disguise raised like am I not totally enough for the turtle club. This
guy's little turtle turtles. He's too turdly for the turtle. He's too turdly. You know what we want more? We want more Thomas Massey. That's who we want. My ass. I call him Tom my ass. We like this guy. He looks like a dweeb. But he's I love him. Yeah, he built this house on his own with wood from the woods. Now if a woodchuck good chuck and stone from the riverbeds, he built this on his own. It's amazing. It's a damn miracle. And then it's
also woodwork. It's all self sufficient to this is like you showed me your back deck and you're yeah, poxy did. I'm pretty much Thomas Massey. Thomas Maxie pretty much your Thomas Maxie and we love Thomas my ass. Yeah, so this guy's cool. He's like the cool nerd in a movie. So if you guys want to know the good Republicans that you have him and Rand Paul both from Kentucky weirdly and so is Mitch McConnell. So we got to get Mitch McConnell
out of there. No, this look at this. What is this from? He's wearing a bathrobe. Looks like a Democrat. Oh, it's a AI fake. No, he's like, I'm a terrorist. I'm terrorist Rand Paul. No, but he's a son of Ron Paul. Do you know what Ron Paul is? I know Ron Paul very well. He's like the founder really of the modern libertarian movement and libertarians. RFK Jr. You know, they say they want them to get shot on the left. They say yeah, and they
want me to get shot. But yeah, I like presidents who don't get shot. Me too. Or don't don't die from being shot. And I feel like how many presidents have we had? I like I like presidents that get shot. But I don't like presidents that get shot and die. And that's cowardice. And I think, you know what I say? No president should be dying. Who did that? Who got shot and died? A very A. A. A. Berturkey Lincoln, wrestling power, Abraham talent. And then I
think Grover Cleveland, maybe or maybe so one and a half or Arthur. And I just think it's too many. I say the president is supposed to be alive. Yeah, well, not a turtle. It's kind of crazy. They're like, we'll we'll try to kill Trump twice. That's what they said. And then they're like, we'll do like 80 lawsuits against him. We'll always running. And then he just keeps going. It's been good for my rap career. I'll be honest with you about
it. Who shot me but your punks couldn't finish who shot me. You're about to feel the wrath of a menace. Well, speaking of who shot me. I've heard leaks from the whole Diddy Diddy thing. Oh my gosh. And then puff daddy as they called him. But now he's Diddy. Well, yeah, because he was puffing on puffing on penis. They wonder did he do it? And I think what did he do? They should probably tell him didn't. But P what didn't he do? They
should call him didn't he? He didn't he? What didn't he do? They should call him P didn't he did. They say there's no such party as a P didn't he party. I was never there. Ain't nobody but a P did anybody when P did his birthday on St. James Island. I had to miss it. I was not worried about missing it. I knew what happened there. So wait, so you know the all the flight logs for Epstein? Absolutely. A lot of clings on that flight
log. What is anybody in like looking at that any of that? I think that you might get you might get self canceled if you look into that. But yeah, I was it looked like I'm just wondering what like why is the the government not looking into all those names? Like Bill Clinton like 30 times? I feel like yeah, it looked like it was Bill's private jet just went to Epstein Island pretty much what seemed like the well, he'd express they called it. I think he was
he probably flew on that jet more than Epstein himself. He was probably just Bill and Bill Epstein. You know, you know his real name before he changed it. Bill Clinton steam. I see that might be an indication of something and maybe we should have Jamie look into that or fact Jamie to love and look into it tomorrow. Jamie get back to us tomorrow and you can't trust snopes anymore. We all know that we go to nopes. We go to nopes.com. Yep. We
made an algorithm where it's the opposite of whatever snopes says. So snopes will say it's like did Trump make did Trump start January 6 and then snopes will be like yes, he incited it. But we know it's not true. We know there were FBI plans blah, blah, blah, and that they delayed the National Guard. We know this is fact. So on nopes, it's the opposite. So it's like no, Trump didn't at all. He actually he deployed the National
Guard two days prior to do it. And then it got slowed down by people that were against Trump so that people would break in and then we're tarnished Trump's whole thing. They tried to assassinate me. They tried to assassinate my character, which I think might even be worse. I'm not sure really. Yeah. But it's all bad folks and I say it's all bad. I would say probably getting assassinated is worse. It might be worse for my campaign.
I think if I got C. Yeah. I think if I get shot, it would be called an assassination because when you great, it's not murder. It's assassinate. And we want to make America great. Don't we? So assassinate me, bitch, because I'm doing the same shit. My Luther King did. And now he might be bringing it on himself. I've heard I've heard black guys compare Trump to Martin Luther King a lot on X. It wouldn't surprise me. I'm a big fan. And a lot of you
guys that they're probably like, Mac, you're completely red pill. They're blah, blah, blah. No, I listened to Rachel Mancow also. I also look at Al Jazeera to get it so I can look at the Middle East point of view. And then I look at Fox News and then I go to X and see what's left out of all of that. And you see the leftovers and you know what to trust and yeah, you guys. I see what the left is hiding. And the right is normally correct.
It turns out they're hiding a lot of facts, a lot of truth. Yeah. And that's the real truth. That is the truth. And they call me modern day Martin Luther King. And I think that's because I'm the king. Yeah, I'm a black guy on X. Hey, Trump, the new Martin Luther King. And I saying he got assassinated and yeah, that's by the FBI. And that might be a weird weird the FBI keeps assassinating people trying to make a change for the better.
No, it's strange, but stranger than fiction. It's real. They tried to kill me. They tried to take me out. I turned my head. I looked at my chart. Fiction is not that strange. It's not as strange as because we know it's fiction. I hate that I hate the stranger than fiction that whole that that that movie with Will Ferrell. It's be funny or be funny. Yeah, I mean, he's got funny movies. I'm not gonna lie about that. I love Will Ferrell. But he
was in stranger than fiction. And I think the whole thing term stranger than fiction doesn't make sense. It's not funnier than we already know if it's fiction, it's going to be strange. And then saying facts are stranger than fiction. Like obviously, like a real thing. If something fucked up happens is going to be crazier than a fake completely fake thing. Yeah, and we don't like strangers, stranger danger. Yeah, I hate these dumb
sayings like it takes one to know one. No, it doesn't. Nope, you can know one. It doesn't take a crew. It doesn't take a person with with downs to know that someone else has to know that. And I knew in that in that crooks, he looked like he had downs. Yeah. And then they took him down. And people so look retarded. There's a lot going on in the Middle East. And I want to talk about this. I I donated money to to Israel and Tyranics. I want to
help out everyone. You're a very generous guy. I hope the Taliban every year. Every year, I donate a million to Hezbollah and Israel. Hezbollah, you mean a cute little guy, isn't he so cute? Yeah, the little baby is a little baby looking full grown man. Right, right. So I donated a million each side and talf mount. And that's the thing you need both sides of the wings, folks. You need the left wing. But you really need the right wing. Yeah. Or else,
how do you fly? You can't fly with one wing. You really can't get up in the if you go in a circle, you fly with one wing, you're going to go in a circle. And that's why that's why we can't have a one party system, folks, because if you just have one wing, you're going to fly. This is physics. You fly in a circle. Go go look go look up Terrence Howard talking about physics on Rogan. Find me a bird with three wings. Good luck. Yeah. One wing. Have
you listened to the Terrence Howard talking about physics? He actually they had a power Terrence. They had a follow up one where he was on there with a group with wine, Weinstein, one of the ones. Yeah, well, because there's there's Brett Weinstein, who I like a lot. And then there's his brother, the other one, who's Eric. I love Eric. Is it Eric Weinstein? Love Eric Weinstein. Yeah, I like both genius. Well, Brett's like biology. And then Eric
is like physics and mathematics is more of a math guy. I like Brett more. I like Brett a little more. Because Eric is kind of like a little more of a dick. And you know, Brett Fox, he does. He fucks his wife. His wife, they talk about science. Yeah. Mm hmm. He's like, he's like, I think about that. He's like, I love my what's like a really scientific word for a penis. I would say for me, it'd probably be something rocketry related. I
love big rock. I love my male reproductive organ. He's my father. I guess he's like, I love my reproductive organ and your pussy. He kind of has a every once in a while, I catch him with the speech impediment a little bit. He's kind of like a thing. Well, she must have a kink for that. I say I have a hot female Republican. He's like, he's like,
yeah, I'm Brett Weinstein. That's got to be embarrassing, I tell you. Yeah, but he's all part of that big, the big coalition of people that are surrounding with Trump, like a like Elon and Tulsi Gabbard and all them. It's a cool army and Jordan Peterson to absolutely we got the we got the Canadians coming in there. So we got we got biologists. We got philosophers. We got Kanye. We've got geniuses. We got really good democratic politician Tulsi
Gabbard, a veteran. Then we got we got we got them all hot Republican women. And then Kamala picked up some good people Dick Cheney. Now that is comedy. I didn't know Kamala was a comedian. It is very funny that she brags about getting Dick Cheney as a because she got some big names. Literally the the left made a movie. I'm surprised he didn't shoot
me. They Hollywood made a movie talking shit, like making fun of Dick Cheney. Yeah, well, you know, he's a total embarrassment for being a complete war hawk and like a terrible guy. And then he and then he put his daughters a lesbian. Yeah. This guy is just an embarrassment. It's a guy's 911. I think he might have been in the planes. Well, he he was he he was in the planes. No, he's way column dick plain. He was way too fat. Remember he went hunting
with the guy and just shot him. He shot his own friend. I say, Why didn't he shoot me? I'm right here. But I've been shot twice. I've been shot twice. They can't pump me. Get pumped. I feel like I should cut your is going to shoot me soon. Yeah, as an coach for he's my fraternity brother Delta guy. True. And so you go way back with him and he was assaulting minors then he was dealt. I will know he wasn't he was a he was a salt miner, but he wasn't
assaulting minors. Lot of hot guys that I owe. They say a lot of hot guys. I'm talking about the phone. No, no, you're you're being gay. Don't don't get excited. No, you're being gay. I got a hot wife and no one talks about it. My ex-wife, dude, and she's still sad. She's still sending me letters. She's she's saying she's saying the alimony wasn't enough. I gave her half. Okay. And they say they want more. They want at least three fifths.
Women except for the off-chargant. So that it is hilarious. I mean, she didn't make any of it. No, they don't earn anything. They just want to take take take take take take take take take. They're like they're like Brian Crow. Yeah, take, take, take, take, really get out of your money. Brian Crow. He walked the Red Sea. This guy. Yeah, he Brian Crow walked in front of Moses. Walk the Red Sea. It's embarrassing. It's he's the
Dick Cheney of Chicago. I think he shot a guy. I'm pretty sure I don't think he has the balls. Well, he'd be a sniper if he did. Yeah, I want to have the meta. I want to have meta back on the podcast. Meta. If you're listening, I think you are. I want you back on the podcast because I want I want that assault rifle back on the bucket. No, it's so cool. This guy shows up. He's got an assault rifle. And I feel like I don't even have a pepper rifle.
I can use one of those. I have a nepper rifle. You do have a nepper rifle. Yeah, it's called my dick. So that's a scientific term for his penis. Yeah, whatever my rifle I go. This is my rifle. This is my gun. This is for fight. And this is for fun. And what about flight? I feel like I could use some of these. I'm glad you have American sword here. Yeah, my American sword. I got a laser on my gun folks. Stay laser focused. So you could shoot
somebody from wherever you wanted to write out your window. Go only put the security on there just in case only self defense, of course. I mean, there'll be no reason to go on offense. And I say why why are we defending these other countries? We should have self defense. Yeah. Well, the cool thing about America, at least the South or the country is that every home is a fort is a fortified fort. Not necessarily for not necessarily
fortified. Shout out Chris Fort. I love that guy. Very cool. Very cool. Chubby, chubby, charming black guy. Steven black, my calm, a little bit old. He might say it's a little slow. Steven black might be a little bit. And he might be folks and I wear a wig. And I don't know. Yeah, sometimes Dylan wears a wig, but the culture might accept me anyway. But Chris Fort this guy's so old and cool. I would say, yeah, and black. And he's not
a W. I followed him. I followed Chris on the show. And I did a joke about how I normally wear a black face on stage and I'm just like Chris Fort. And then you can hear him laughing in the back. You're he's got a little a little Kermit, a little bit of a Kermit. But the Kermit voice also kind of can kind of go for like fatter, fatter black guys, too. Like biggie kind of had like it's like a deeper Kermit. Sure. Absolutely. That's what happened to
him. Say, Hey, what's up? I'm Kermit. How's it going? Hey, I'm Chris Fort. Hey, I'm Kermit. And he's might start rapping at any moment. You never know. Yeah. With these guys. Those people as I call them. Tracy Chapman. She got chap lips. Chase chap lips. Yeah, maybe somebody should get her some chapstick. I remember we were buying buying birds peas because my lips are so chapped. She says it's so expensive. I think it's not that she was
like in high inflation has gone. How do I get some chapstick for she's so nasty. She might need chapstick on both lips. A lot of a lot of nasty reporters out there. It's nasty out there. Yeah. And we're not talking about a little Kim nasty. We're talking about we're not talking about like like hot and sexy. We're talking about mean. My little Kim. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Little Kim is she's nasty. She's nasty. He's like the nasty show. Yeah. Yeah.
Dumbass. They say dumbass. Yeah. Then Tany thickums. Hey, I'm looking for that booking. Now let's get that booking. You never know. Mack might get Merck. Remember like two falls ago. It was a long time ago. It's unacceptable. Remember the autumn before your supposed to read book Mac. You never got booked again. Anybody who says autumn ought to audit automatically get Merck. Audish. I don't know. I have them. So my favorite season is autumn. I said that's
not a season. I saw something today. It said it's giving season. I said it's giving season. It's not. Adam Eve is autumn and Steven Hofsitter. And what if it was Adam and Steve. It is probably an Eve was a cock. Adam and Pete Buddha judge. What kind of a name is Eve Eve. Kind of a hot name. I remember there was that rapper named Eve. You remember that. He was a rapper. Rest in power. I believe I don't really know Eve rapper. She does. He was doing well. What
is her song. And there are a lot of you know back in the day music. I used to have the boom box at the skate park. I had the Walkman. And would I be at the skate park. I don't know. Four wheels. Plenty. But you have sleepy Joe. I don't think he could balance on four wheels. He's so sleepy. He's so asleep. I say he's going to be dead soon. Oh this is the song. Let me blow you all my I'm going to cut to that song. We're going to feature here.
All right. Featuring. This is oh wait. No we're going to get. We're going to get copyright struck. We'll do it for. They try to take us down anyway they can. I'm just going to look at the place. I'll look at the lyrics and then I'll sing it. I don't even think it was Adam. I think it was just Eve. God is a woman. It was drop drop your glasses. Shake your ass. His face screwed up like you're having hot flashes. And the song was keep going. This is what I had to give you more.
It's only been a year now. I got to the door and I ain't going no. No. So this is a Mac original now. Yeah. So that's by me. And Taylor Taylor Swift taught us that. Well this one doesn't. She's good for something. This one doesn't have copyright. All you have to do is just re-record your classics. I guess I would say classics. All right guys. So this one. But you should see Beyonce. Dana would you like to ask me questions and then let me answer them or would you like to debate me
on these topics. This is so high. I'm obsessed with this. Harrison Tim Waltz. It's it's amazing. It gave them multiple choice answers to the questions that you asked and you allowed them. Don't switch the form. I'm happy to be here to talk about policy. But if you're going to interrupt me every single time that I open my mouth then it's going to be like even the one. So please ask the question and I ask you to be delighted. Yes. Yes. I I'd like to ask the vice president.
What has she done to question my loyalty to this country. I serve in the United States. I went to Iraq for this country. I built a business for this country and my running mate took a bullet for this country. So my question is what the hell have you done to question our loyalty to the United States of America. So he just took credit for making a shot. That's my guy. That's my song. It's really cool. All right guys. So if anybody knows how to find that song from that video I just played.
Let me know because I've been I've been looking for it. So Max been watching that video a lot. You said that you've been watching it every night. I said it. I watched it several times in a row video. And also need to know numbers but he's sleeping with that video folks. He wants the song so bad. That's a haunting. It reminds me of Middle Earth. Speaking of middle middle or middle light. There's never anything wrong. That's only
Bud Light is bad. Bush Light gets the pass. So Bush now what do you think about even though Bud even though Bud is part of Ann Hauser Bush along with that. But was the one was like we love trans people. Kid Rock shot the Bud cans. Kid Rock. I think he rocks. And then Bud Light changed their mind to not be woke and they signed a contract with the UFC. And they're great guys. I love the UFC. But but but but Bud Light.
White Bud Light. I never liked. I was like middle light because those are similar caliber beers. Bud Light Middle Light. Then you go like Bush Light and then like a PBR that level. Now Bush. W. They say the W is a bad letter. It's just W. But K. I think is the worst letter. You can tell the difference between because if you can buy it in a 30 pack then it's normally the level below. You buy Miller and Bud
in 24 packs. So the more that you can get the less value. There's only one. The more the more you can get the less quality I would say of the product. So it's a lower quality. But I like Bush Light. I'll drink Bush Light all night. Bud Light though. Kamala has a lot of Bush. Yeah probably. And it's not high quality. It's Indian Bush because she's apparently according to Candace Owens not African American. It's a big conspiracy. It's a real problem. Well she called her uncle. She
Well yeah I guess Kamala's not black. It's a messy situation. Yeah. It's just if anybody has proof that Kamala's black please send it in the comments. You know what no one's saying about me. That I'm not black. Well I mean the black people love you Don. They love me. I have the entire black vote. It's one combined vote. Yeah. I see them as one group of people. Yeah. You people and we the people. Yeah. There's a lot of black Republicans on my X page. I have a black Republican
fetish I admit. Melania knows about it. She can't stop it. Donald Trump is probably the least racist presidential candidate. Joe was the best president for blacks. Even better than Lincoln. I didn't get killed. Joe Biden's crime bill along with him calling the super predators. Kamala Harris put everyone put so many black people in jail. She let a black guy get a death penalty I think like when there was she refused to look at extra stuff. She's lazy. She's a lazy criminal. She's in Joe says
you're not black. If you don't vote for him I say that's not true. Yeah. I think that means that you are black. I think he's scared of black people because corn pop though his old bully. The corn pop that's a cool name. Yeah. Fruit loop. He's a fruit loop. He's a fruit loop politician. How many years does he have left big catalog owns him. That's another big K. I don't like the case. Jimmy Carter still alive. I saw a video of him on his it's his 100th birthday and it rolls him out and he's
just like this like it's sad. It's a mess. You got to let him go. He's in hospice. You love him. Let him go. Yeah. All you abortion people maybe you should abort Jimmy Carter at this point. Jimmy crack Gordon and I don't care. Does he still get Secret Service. I don't think he needs it. I think you just tell him he has it. He'll be OK. I think that's where we can cuspend the Elon. So it's one of one of the spots where the budget the budget auditors like Elon and his pals they can
stop giving Jimmy Carter Secret Service maximum. I say you give him one guy and swap him out. He's a temp give him like a like a Paul Blart or just tell him to shove it. Tell him to shout out. Tell him to do it for this country. Yeah. So do do now what you can do for your country. Do what your country can do for you. He's a communist. Yeah. Jimmy. This is what Kamala Kamala always says. She says do not. Do not help your country. Let your country rule. Let your country rule over you.
Well you're in poverty is her main thing. And I was like I was like that's not nearly as good as these other speeches these people gave like there's nothing to fear but fear itself or like I think it was Nixon maybe he was like the great and silent majority. You know. No she's not good at the word. She has the worst word. She needs a lot of black friends a lot of help. Yeah. And she has it. And if she gets that full call out by Candice and she's going to lose all the black
friends and it's really if I was her I'd be worried. Yeah. And then along with losing the black friends she's going to lose white supporters like my like the rich white people who are like we love black people whites that are tapped in but they've never met a black person you know. No but they still they look at the street cred and they say the world I think these people are cool. I'm going to vote this way. I love black people and nobody can deny the street cred of black people. I love
black people. They do remind me to lock my doors. Yeah. But I love them and they love me. Yeah. I think I mean if Abe didn't get shot he might be the best president for blacks but yeah he did and he couldn't handle it. Yeah. Sorry Abe. Honest Abe honestly. I like presidents that don't die when they get shot. I do too. And I feel like that's why I'm going to have I'm really excited about next year. I'm taking back over. What are you going to do. I'm going to become Martin Luther King
senior senior. What are you going to do about that chart. I'm putting the chart up in the oval office. Yeah. It's going to be framed forever and I can always turn and look at it. The chart shows the immigration going up. Are you going to maybe make change the chart and then put next to it. You're so you're going to show the chart of the terrible immigration problem going up next to it. Are you going to put your results after the deportation. I'm going to definitely figure it out as
it happens and I'm going to make the right decision at the time. Right. Because you can't. I mean because if you're sleeping with a chart every night you can't always have it up. And sometimes with the tough questions you have to answer in a way that's diplomatic and simple and I'm going to have the right people around me. But but a lot of people say that you're not transparent and you're a Nazi probably. But Kamala Harris is super honest. She's always you know talking about
growing a middle class. What are your thoughts on that. Well I think where was she. I mean she wasn't at McDonald's. That's for sure. She wasn't in North Carolina either. No and and where was Kamala during the Holocaust. Nowhere. Yeah. Exactly. Donald Trump was there liberating. And I was fighting against it. I mean I just when I'm when I'm addressing you I'm going to say Donald Trump you know. And I know you like sometimes talking in the third person. So I like to be the
same as I speak to you if you if that's OK. Absolutely. It makes more sense when you do it than me. But these people they want sense. I say how about dollars. Yeah I like that. Drop bucks. Yeah. I mean with this inflation dollars are turning into cents. And if I plug the coins again it's not making much sense to me. It's not making any sense. It's these people are losing. Well
why don't you show us the new currency that we're bringing out. So this is a early adoption but you're going to want to get this now because there's only one first generation but we have the Trump coins. Trump bucks. Is that so is that going to be the new currency. It is. We're going to hopefully outlaw because the US dollar is probably going to die soon. So it's going to be the new way you buy stuff. Yeah. And the beautiful thing is you can trade dollars for this in a lot of
Democrats aren't going to. And this looks like kind of like the gold standard. We'll go back to that and make sense. Exactly. And we're going to have the gold standard and no silver. I said get rid of the silver. If we have silver melted down. Get rid of it. We only want gold here. So we have the Trump coins and this is me right after looking to the right at my chart and dodging a bullet. No. I literally dodged a bullet folks. I don't know. Yeah. Nobody can really see the coin
itself but it's going to hold it up. Hold it up. At least show them the bullet whizzing by me. And I turned my head and I looked at my trusty chart. I didn't know it saved my life at the time. Joe Biden couldn't even see it. But these are beautiful. They're commemorative but they're also real currency and this is financial. So I say folks buy them now. They're hot. They're just off the kill. Yeah. If you want to be able to purchase things in the future you're
going to want to get a Trump coin collection. And if they don't come with this gold card it looks very cool. What does it say. It says certificate on it on one side but more importantly the other side. What does it say. It's much more important. What does it say. It says authentic real gold is basically what it says. So I won't read all the you know these lawyers. I think it says 24 carats. That's a lot of carrots. It's a lot of carrots. I feel like a rabbit. Yeah. But I don't go down
rabbit holes. I'm not a rabbit. No. No. Like that dog. Kamala Harris. Yeah. She's she's a dog. She's a rabbit dog. She's nasty. She's so nasty. I say you should put her on the nasty show tiny. Yeah. Yeah. She probably booked her for me. She's so nasty. You should put her on the nasty. Tiny thick. Shout out to tiny. Shout out to tiny thick. Very tiny. Very thick. Yeah. She was named tiny thick. I'm just when she was born. She was small. She's a baby. They gave her a Z. They knew
it'd be cool. I love letters. Thickums. Yeah. Thickums is her last which is a very cool last name because their family throughout time has always had big booties. It's big booty. I don't want to say all say B words. Yeah. Big booty house. But we all I want for my birthday. What are you. Do you like booties or boobies. I like B days. I like big booties. I cannot lie. But I think you're a booby guy more maybe. I'm a big booby guy but I'm very loyal to Lawnia. Yeah. Not that horse stormy.
Yeah. She's got the thing is about some of the top models. A lot of them don't have huge tits or a huge ass. You know what I want. America's next bottom model. I'm the top. I'm the Don. And where are the bottom models. I say where are they. I need big Rosio Donnell's a bottom. She's a bottom feeder. She's definitely eating and feeding. Yeah. They should have instead of America's top model they should have like America's like the ugliest people like the America's bottom models. But all means
is the ugliest people like Rosio Donnell. No she's hideous and I hope she gets the help that she needs. Yeah. Because boy does she need it. I need rosy colored lenses just to look at her. And you got called out by Megan. I forgot her last name but she likes you again now. She's cool. She should have blonde blonde who's on CNN Megan something. I hope that I mean G Y and but but she Megan Kelly Megan Kelly. Yeah. Yeah. She was not a fan of yours. She is now again. No I used to like her
and now I don't like her. She likes me again. I shall don't like her. She called you out though. She she said yeah you misogynistically call women fat and then he said and then you said only Rosie O'Donnell only Rosie has it was I dropped a bar. Yeah. Huge laugh. She never got a laugh one time her whole life. Yeah. But you call me an asogynist and I'm wearing an upside down playboy bunny and yeah. Yeah. To symbolize I love women and also to rest in peace Hugh Hefner
girlfriend. Rest in rest in power. Hewie Hewie. You would call him right. He was your boy. You G He had a real piece of you. I'm like a Huey I say you G Huey. Yeah. The big I say that you just have ever seen a huge winner. You should have seen the parties. We had a unit. Yeah. A huge unit. Yeah. The hugest unit. We call why they call them you. We call the tower eight.
They should honestly on 9 11 I thought is there a plane going to his penis. Yeah. I was like yeah I was thinking 9 1 1 1. I thought there would be we call it the third tower. There was tower seven tower eight was his penis. So so big and rest in power. They have Napoleon's penis in a museum and I say what did we dig him up. Can we get so we get huge. You were the best. Hugh. Yeah. Hugh Hefner and then Huey Newton. What did he do. Is he a black
panther. He might have been black. He might have been a black of Panther. Probably Huey Lewis and the news back with the news was the news. Yeah. Now it's fake news. And no one talks about the fake Huey Lewis. I like when you get off the Air Force One and then they go to over the fake news that set things straight. It's every time I step off a plane they say oh wow you can walk. It's crazy. And I said well yeah you're a president should be able to walk. Yeah. So yeah.
We shouldn't trip falling down the stairs. That's the easy part. Biden has toothpick legs essentially. He's got two toothpicks for legs and I say I finish a meal and I say can I get to a Biden's legs just to. Yeah. Trump Trump is who do you rather have. Dinner with myself. Yes. That's my question. No I would definitely rather he with myself and pick my brain. Well for me for me I was thinking like who else would I want to have
dinner with aside from aside from you Donald Trump. And then I think it's I only want to have dinner with Donald Trump. Well I would say if I had to make a list I would say he would be a fun chat. You know like like talking shit about people. It would be fun. We'd have a good time. Like he would be a great guest on bad comedy podcast as long as we didn't insult him. And I wouldn't go after that guy because believe me he can be nasty. Yeah. You don't want to get
punished. But he also he also he also can do some self deprecating stuff like he would do like a WWE he did and like unlike some comedy shows who go on he would do some like. Absolutely. It's like he's the goat. Yeah. He's not and he knows when to. And the thing is about him is people get worried because he's a narcissist. So they think that he's going to be it want to be a dictator. But the thing is he's so much of a narcissist that he feeds off being
successful and people loving him. And he knows people don't like a dictator. Right. So you don't want it a little Kim. Right. So he wants he wants the love of the people because that's what feeds his soul. And so it's nice to be at such a narcissist that you become likeable. And it's 100 percent. It's really remarkable. Well sometimes. Yeah. There's different types of narcissists. He's the one that feeds off the love of the people. And it's like he's like a god. He says
worship me not false idols. Not the fake news. Not. Not Billy Idol either. Now Billy Idol. That guy's gay. Right. He gets no views anymore. He gets no ratings. No sales. Billy Idol has low ratings. No. It's it's sad what's happened to him. No. We got to wrap up. Let's wrap it up then. The battery is dying. Folks. Patreon.com. Bad comedy. We have an excellent guest coming up Thursday. Huge Wednesday. Only on Patreon.com. Bad comedy.
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I look like a talking piece of Apple right now. Apple's probably censoring me right now. The big Apple. Does that mean Apple's our New York City? But on every Patreon they're adding 30 percent to the cost side, which means we have to offset it. But all we're going to do is add on about 20 percent more for new patrons to tell your friends that have been interested in joining the Patreon to join right now. See, don't just
get one patron. Become a patron 10 times. I know that's not legal. So you get 10 people to become patrons. But you can vote for me 10 times over whatever you can get away with. Yeah. But all that means is vote to get 10 people to vote. It's a metaphor. Vote for bad comedy. And then bad boy comedy and check out at Wrong Side of History pod if you want the historical side of everything. We got one out about time. We got Iran and Persia. We got the American Revolution.
We got a lot. Don, do you have any plugs? I just want to plug one thing. My chart. I love my chart. And who do you think is going to be the next president and vice president? I know I'm about to win a three Pete. They say it's a three Pete never been done in the NFL. So tell that to your friend. So you're thinking you would go in the quarterback. You're thinking you you think Trump Vance for the Vic. I think Donald Trump again, the new Martin Luther King with running made Pat
Mahomes, maybe. Yeah. Maybe so. So you're going to sub out JD Vance because he's getting too much shine. It's got to be the right guy. And I'm the right guy. You got to get someone to lame. You got to get like Michael Cooper is your running mate. I love my running mates, but I feel bad for anyone who's got to stand next to me. All right, folks. Well, yeah, again. Thanks for listening. We got a big guest episode coming out soon and vote or die vote. Yeah, vote or die. We're going to kill you if
you don't vote for me. Yeah, we're not going to do that. It's implied. Yeah. This has been a real freak off. I appreciate it. Yeah, I feel like a freak on a leash. A freak off on a free coffee. This is like a love corn. This is cool. Alt like a act like being a blurry. Yeah. It's cool. Am I blurring in real life? What the heck? It's very cool. You might be a blur. That's a mitch head Berg Jo. Whoa. We have a hive mind with one of the greats.
It looks cool. Alright, folks, we will see you very soon at the voting boo at the voting. Well, we'll see you on the podcast. Play the cool song again. We'll see you.