Number... number 17. 1 and 7. Jerry, you're being too loud. Shut up. I have that one. I have 7. I have 1 in 7. That's 17. Well done. Well done, Patrick. Yes. They need to be able to hear the numbers. Jerry, they'll hear us upstairs. Just sit further away from them. No, I'm saying we're not meant to be down here. They'll hear us if we shout the numbers too loud. You were complaining two minutes ago about the balls rustling too loudly. I'm just worried.
While they do, they come down here and they find us playing bingo. What are they going to do? They kicked us out of there. I don't know. How much further can they kick us down? Exactly. There's no more floors. We're in the basement. Just worried. 3 in 5. 35. I had 3 and I thought you were going to stop. No, I kept going so I didn't... You did die. That's tricky with this bingo. Can you do it with a bit more flair? I'm here for the pageantry. I don't need to win at this.
Functional bingo is the best kind of bingo. We'll get more games done that way. That's not how Jimothy used to perform it. He had so much pizzazz. He died with the courage of a thousand street performers. Now he's in the ground. So let's just get a... Do you want a wee bit of flair? Yeah. How about this? Bring it on. Give us a second. Let me... Right. Quiet though. Quiet flair. Understated flair. That's right. Alright, let me try. Don't go too big with it. Yeah. A natural charisma.
Right. A quiet elegance. Hold on. Here we go. Right. 90. Oh, that felt like you could have been like the prince of a Eastern European country in the 12th century. I love the way you said it, but these go up to 85. Oh, sorry. 6. Thank you. I love the pageantry of it, but do read the numbers correctly. There's only so much I'm willing to put up with. I'm gonna rat yousins out. Oh, come on now. And then where will yous be? Somewhere else. Yeah. You don't want that. No. No, we don't.
We're the only four left. We can't go out like that. We can't go out betraying and backstabbing again. This game's gone on for too long. How long have I been playing this? I know there's only four of us, but you three have the cards. I haven't got many of the numbers. I've got so many of the numbers, but no lines or anything. It's, I mean, statistically unlikely. Honestly, I've been so worried. I haven't been marking the numbers down. Classy. 90. Again. You read the shit.
You read the same one, and you read it incorrectly. It's the same ball. I think I have stamped 42 like five times. Are you putting them back? I'm sure I'll lose them. They'll roll off the table. It looks very full, to be fair. Yeah. What if we all just think of numbers? And we agree on the number, and then we'll mark it off. 90. That's too many. This is the first number that came to my head. Sorry. How do we feel about four? Six. Four's not bad. We had four and six. How about five?
That's a good compromise. I could do 12. Oh, God. I'll go as far as nine. I still think 12 is the right way to go here. I think you can sweep the deal again. I'm up to at least 10. We'll throw something in for him. I'm not going to sway. My opinion is as valid as anyone in this group, and I say 12 is the right deal. He who holds the balls holds the powers. We're not even using them now. How about we all just pick our own numbers then? Bingo! Oh, well done. Bingo, bingo, bingo! They're down here.
Let's get them. Come on! Come on! They'll never take me alive! Stop kicking us! Please, don't! Please, don't! Welcome. Back to Dunbracken. My head. I have no idea what happened last night. I just... I'd say they threw you in about 2 a.m. Something like that. Yeah, they threw us in about that time. You're one crazy bastard. Oh, why did I go out drinking with you? Well, I didn't. You... you met at the bar. Yeah, we did. Yeah, we did. We drank all those shots.
See, it's crazy that you only just met last night, but you've got this kind of chemistry between you that I just can see seeping into the atmosphere, you know what I mean? Even when you were asleep and you were just staring at him watching. Yeah, it's like... You staring at me? It's like your eyes were open the whole time. Making sure you're okay. My buddy, buddy for life after last night. He was watching us too. He thought we were maybe a little shifty, but...
No, we're just a couple of folks that have been in here a bit. About two days now. Two days? Yeah, that's right. Is this not a rest? Is this like an overnight cell? Oh, it is, yeah. But they said we're gonna let us out and then we punched the guy. Oh. To be clear, the guy I punched was him and then he punched me. We did have a bit of a fight, but now we're... Now we're good. But I think it was sort of like on an unspoken level. We were like, do you want to stay another night?
Yeah, I'm quite comfy. I like it. There's only one toilet in here. That's why I like it. That's true. You never have to worry about... Is the door locked? Is it now locked? It's just there. Someone's gonna knock while I'm half, you know... It's right there. There's no toilet seat either, so... No problem. You got a squat. See, I hate sitting on a toilet seat that is wobbly and oops, when I can just... Like, I need to... Sometimes I'm almost falling into the bowl. Yeah. I get that scared moment.
To be honest, I'm just sick of lifting it up and down, so... It solves that problem. It's one less thing to think about, I guess. What bothered you to meet at? Oh, the... Ohars? Well, we went to a few. No, to be clear... There was a lot of bars. Were you friends from before, or did you literally just meet? We met last night. We met, but we talked a good bit, and then... And then, that's not all we did. What did we do? Did I not just get... I might have just tossed in here before...
They did take a hell of a lot of drugs off both of you as you came in. Yeah. Oh, God. We made a lot of money before they got us. Nice. What? Oh, I heard they were talking outside... The officers were talking about some sort of big drug bust. The biggest bust they've ever had in years, I heard. Yeah, you were driving. Can't you remember? You're a legend. This is... One night, I went out... I went out at 9pm. I met you at half-tan, and we got arrested at 2. It's already in the papers.
Already in the papers? They work fast. Oh, do you remember the speedboat? In Brackenbracken. No. The helicopter chase? No. They had ordered a SWAT team, but it never arrived. And they never even showed up. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. They got you, though. What the hell? We almost got away with it, too. I'm surprised they put you in this prison. Yeah. To be honest, I don't believe that they had a helicopter.
I think they were just playing on speakers, like the sound of a helicopter, to scare you. I've heard them doing that, yeah. They do that quite often. But it works. It works. It did work. It scared me. I went for a runner, and I'm not so quick. If you're going for a runner, make sure you use the toilet. Yeah. Oh. That kind of role. Sorry, I misunderstood. So, we're doing a drug run? Yeah, they cone your drug mule Denny in the papers. Yeah. What's your name? Paul or something?
Yeah, Paul. Oh. Quick guess. Yeah, well, he is in his underwear, then it says in the back. It says in the back. I sewed it in last night. Thank you. You sewed his name into his underwear? I wanted to make sure that he got off on the right foot behind the bars. Thanks, Frank. I remember the first time I went to prison, and it was really awkward having to introduce myself to everybody.
But I quickly found out that if you sew your name into your clothes, then everybody finds out and you don't have to do those introductions yourself. I like that. That's quite sweet. For Rankle. I like that. Rankle. Do you got your name sewed on your underwear? No. I have my daughter's name on my shoulder here behind me. Oh. See, I thought that was your name. No, no, no. That's her. Jeremiah. That's her. Right. And your name? Lovely girl. Lovely. I mean, like a day or so.
Yeah, I mean, unless we might have another fight. We don't know yet. Oh, you go. I do like it here. Hey guys, thanks for coming along. So I worked really hard on this and got the blueprints in already. So this is what we're looking at for the bank, of course. Unfortunately, I did accidentally shred the blueprints, but luckily, Susie, my daughter has a photographic memory. So she has recreated it. How old Susie? She's seven. Seven. Yeah. So she's recreated it.
So it's a little bit off, but like all the main points are there. She's put in all the main points for our heist. So. Okay. So I'm just, I see one of her rooms just has a sun in it. Yes. Okay. So that's interesting because that's a sun. So Susie likes to put us on it, but thankfully this is actually the vault. So the sun is like representative of a vault. Right. Okay. Not the dollar symbols.
No, no, that's just where the cash is, but we're not really worried about the small cash we want in the vault. I thought maybe, I know she's only seven, but I thought that was maybe going to be a pun on like a sunroom, which we obviously don't need on a bank. No, no, this is the vault from her recollection of it. Also a security issue if there's glazed roof. That's true. You can mission impossible in there. Yeah. So that's what they were thinking.
We do 100% just to be clear now, we do not want a mission impossible type scenario to happen. No. Well, she, I don't know if this was artistic license that she took. I do not remember the lasers being present in the blueprints, but she has put them in. There definitely are two cameras in that room, but I don't know about the lasers. Now, I don't want to call your daughter a liar, but did they show her where the safe was?
Well, this is just her recollection from the blueprints that she did see with me that I managed to get from the city records, worked really hard and then accidentally shredded them when I was filing my taxes. So is this why we need to do the bank robbery? It's part of why we need to do the bank robbery. And you've all thankfully agreed. You all, I guess, do know each other. It's hard to get in such a small town.
People who don't, it would have, I would have preferred obviously, but you all know why you're here. You know what you bring to the team. What do you think of this, Damien? So are we actually robbing the bank? Cause I thought we were. This is a risk assessment. I thought. Helping the bank, like black hackers, we're figuring out what the risks are. This seems very much like what we're doing here is an actual bank robbery. It does feel like it, but. And we've been there before.
You know, I cannot expressly. It is an actual, we are robbing them. Yeah. Is it though? That's what I want to throw back at you. I was hoping it would be. And might I add, is it really? I mean, I say we just, we plan it and then we see how we feel about it. None of us need to commit to it right now. We can just, if we've got a good plan, we might go, let's do it. Hey Dunbracken coming at you live. It's Dunbracken 105.7. I'm here with the head post mistress of Dunbracken.
You all love very much Sally Hutchinson. Sally, it's so good to have you. Thanks for coming. Oh indeed. Now it's excellent that you've invited me on today. It's a real honor to have you. You know, you've been a big part of Dunbracken for. Oh I have now. I would say now about 50 years now. 50 years. Honestly, Sally, you don't look a day over 30. I'll tell you that. And now, now Roger, you're a sweetheart. You know very well that I know your mother very well. It's true.
I will fully admit to the listeners. There is a bit of a family history here. But you know. Indeed there is. I went to school with Roger's brother. We had a great time and great jebs we did behind the toilets. Please feel free to tell the listeners, you know. Oh no, that would be terrible. Oh. And we don't like secrets here, do we Roger? Um, no. I mean, yeah, we don't, we can say them. No, we don't have to. We don't have to. Sweep them up under the carpet. That's where they stay. Yeah, I know.
Is that right Roger? Yeah, I know. We don't tell them about your deep, dark secret, do we Roger? No, don't. I think we're going off topic here. Um, Sally, what's the normal day in the life of a post mistress, you know? Now I get the post and then I open it up and I read it. Oh, can we cut that? Oh, can we go? Oh, now I've gone a little bit. Oh, I've gone all forgetful. No, let me start again. A normal day starts with a nice cup of tea. A nice cup of Barry's tea, nice and strong.
And then I deliver the post unopened. Sally, I think I'm going to have to interrupt you here. I would not be doing my duty as a journalist or as a radio presenter if I didn't call back to what you said previous, which is that you just admitted honour to the listeners that you opened the mail of the citizens of Dunbracken. Ah, now Roger, remember what I said about the carpet, doll that is swept underneath it. And Dunbracken is a great place to live, don't you agree Roger?
And we don't want to be banished, banished from the lovely town, do we Roger? No, so we'll edit that bit out, won't we Roger? And this bit now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was out of line. Thank you. Gary, ask me some lovely questions now. Oh look, I'm looking out the window and there's a lovely young man there. Oh, isn't that great? This town is great, yeah. Your husband, Sally, would you care to talk about him? My dear, dear, dear Bernard. He was a great man. He was the chief postmaster.
Master, master, master. I find it very hard to say sometimes because he died in that terrible, terrible death. Terrible death. That's a mystery too, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. The town's full of mysteries. But he was a great person, you know. Indeed he was, I mean he built half the town. I mean before he was a postmaster, he was a builder. And before he was a builder, he was a bricklayer. And before he was a bricklayer, then he was a farmer and he did everything in this town.
An illustrious career, you could say. It's a pity other people couldn't have been so upright and upstanding, Roger. Isn't that right? I think this interview's probably over now. We're gonna head this bit out and I'm gonna cut to the ending here where I thank you for coming and we're gonna just call it a day, okay? So thank you so much for coming on the show. It's been an absolute pleasure. It's always a pleasure, Roger, being in your company.
And I can't wait until I have a piece of your very special lemon cake that you're so great at making. Of course. Of course. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. This has been Dumbraken 105.7. Thanks for checking in. What the hell? I have got secrets. I know you have got secrets and I am not willing to keep them going. Sally, we can't do this on air. We can't do this on air. I know, but I can't help it. As soon as you mention it, and then the carpet and all of the dust.
Or the dust, the debris of that carpet. Fuck, I'm still recording. Hopefully the lasers weren't actually there and then it will be no Mission Impossible shenanigans. They do have one security guard. She added the little hat. I thought that was a nice touch. It's lovely. I hurt my back on the harness last time. Yeah. Really? No more Mission Impossible. I can't be going back down from the ceiling. If there's lasers, then what else are we to do? It's fine. We will cut our losses.
We will take the small money. You give up very quickly there. Well, they don't want to do it. We can cut the power. How does that sound? Okay, yeah, that's good. That's good. We can cut the power or you know what? Maybe it's just a case of we get in one of those trolleys that mechanic uses. We just push ourselves underneath the lasers. I could not get out of her. In that bottom corner that must be the fuse box down there. Okay, I just thought it was a window. Uh oh, maybe it is.
I mean, if it's a window, that'd be great. We could go in. We could go in, but it's a window right beside the fire escape, which is also important. Could one of us prop the fire escape open? I guess, yeah, we could go in. Is it unarmed? Oh, that would be great to know. I bet you the original blueprints would have said so. Probably. I think we can assume that it is.
I think that's the best assumption to make and then we'll plan around that and then if one day turns out it isn't, well then we can change our plan. What do you think of this? Is Suzy in on this? Yeah, is she getting the cut? Good question. Is she going to get the cut? Of course, yeah. No, she will. She has to get a cut. Whoa. Well, she actually, she pressed me. It's coming out of your share. Yeah. Yeah. She's not going to be happy about that, guys. She's your daughter.
We did not bring her into this. And I need all the money, all the money in my share. And let me tell you this, if you bring her in, we'll putter her out. All right, fine. It comes out of mine. We've done it before. Okay. It comes out of my share. You guys each get 25 as we agreed and I get 25 and I'll split that with Suzy. Is it only for 25 quid? No, no, no. That's a percentage. That's a fraction. Apologies. Well, it depends if what's in the vault. If we end up with just the dollars.
If it's small money there, I notice that it is dollar signs. I mean, the exchange rate is not great. Is it only going to be dollars? It's only dollars because we're planning it on a Friday and that's when they do their exchange. I think the pounds week, we would actually be better off stealing dollars. Do you think? I think so. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I just, I don't want to do this.
I mean, we've already agreed, oh, well we'll have to go to the Bureau de change and then that's a whole other thing. Another 12% on it. I'm not allowed back in there. Oh, you're not. No. I'll also say I see on the diagram it's wheelchair accessible. Not well, coming handy for me. That actually is not wheelchair accessible. That is actually for the toilets. She just thinks that the sign is the toilet. It does limit what I can contribute. Is there a ramp? Can we all get in?
Uh, no. I'd say, well, this, this bank deserves to be robbed then. I mean, that's, that's what I think. You two seem pretty cozy. Do you know each other at all? No, we met, we met in here two days ago. Yeah, two days ago. We did get picked up, I suppose, in the same place. Yeah. It was a bar fight and well, I started grabbing all the crisps while it was going on, stuffing them into my pocket. And I was grabbing all the bottles of whiskey on the side while it was all happening.
And I saw he had the cheese and onion packet and I was like, that'll go great with my whiskey. He saw my whiskey and I was like, Hey, that would go great with my cheese and onion. Yeah. So we had a fight. You had fought over it. Yeah. Oh, we've realized since that, of course, it was a bit extreme. If we had of talks, we could have shared. Look how much, look how well we're getting on now. We have an unspoken bond. Yeah. You seem to know each other pretty well.
I mean, we did also arrive at the party together, but that was, that was on the same side. We didn't actually know each other. It was just coincidentally also the same bus. Yeah. But we've been talking on the bus. Yeah. I think just since then though, you'd seem pretty, pretty tight. Oh yeah. Once you fight a man three times over two days, you grow a tight bond. You either kill him or he's now your best friend. Yeah. We're both still here.
Yeah. You seem to know a lot of details about each other. Well, he just found out about my daughter. Yeah. I didn't know that. The first time she came up in 48 hours. I actually have my grandma's name tattooed on my calf. Really? Yep. Billy Bob. Billy Bob. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah. She's a, she's a great woman. I think you'd really, I think you should meet her someday. Yeah. I'm going to fight her. She'd take me. I know it. Yes, he would. As good as a good spirit in your family. He would.
He would. Frank, Frank, I'm okay. I know I'm in my underwear, but I'm not that cold. That's, that's all right. You don't need to hug me. Hey, you should give me a big brotherly hug. It's a good bit of warmth. Yeah. Cellmates do. It's warmth on my shoe. Me and, uh, yeah. Me and him have been doing it the whole time. Me and him have been doing it the whole time. There's no boundaries in here or anything. No. Apart from the cage around us. It's just friendship.
There's no boundaries inside the cage. Sorry, are you uncomfortable? Would you like us to strip down into our cotton waddies? We're happy to do it. Happy to do it. I'm fine with, I'm fine with that. I'm going to take my top off right now. Oh, Frank. Oh, Frank, are you two nipple piercings? I'm surprised that... One of them's bleeding. It's itchy. Oh. Oh. That's painful. Yeah, that looks quite sore, actually. That looks, yeah. I'm surprised they didn't patch you up. It's infected.
I just got them done the day before. The day before last night. Yesterday. I mean, if you were planning some kind of heist or some kind, doing a Pearson job the day before seems like poor planning. Yeah, you are clearly the most interesting character here and we have not gotten your story yet. Oh, no, I'm a normal person. You had so many drugs on you. Yeah, I mean... You had planned so many different things.
I gotta be honest, this is my first time being in prison or whatever and I thought I was just doing truck disorderly, so what... They don't break out the fake helicopter sounds for just nobody. They do not. They do not. We are going away for a long... Well, you're going to be away for a long time. I'm just living my life on the edge at the minute. You mean I'm going to be away for a long time. I'm going to be away for a long time. I'm going on a drug hunt. Is there any way that we can...
There's a lot of cameras there. I just think is there any way that we can just avoid cameras, taking out cameras? I know we said no to a mission impossible scenario, but I've got some realistically tech masks. That's pretty good. That's very... They are very warm. We're even veering into minority report here. A little bit, a little bit. We're in the cruise zone and we want to stay away from that. The cruise zone never ends well for us.
I mean, if it was a minority report situation, we would be stopped right now. That's true. Yeah. Presuming we'll go through with it. Yeah. I mean, it could be a case that we look at it and go... It mustn't go well. Yeah. And one thing I do want to check with you, so I still don't... Do either of you have a car at the minute that we could... I can be the getaway driver. Okay. Well, that's good. If you're accessible, I can't help you. Yeah, no, that's true.
And then I guess putting you in and out of the van is going to eat into a lot of our... Oh, I can do it real quick. I've been practicing. You're down to what? Three minutes. Three minutes, fat. Wow. That's really impressive. He gets to park right by the door. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. We can... I mean, I can't display my blue badge though, because that will give it away. Oh, yeah. That's true. Yeah. It has your name on it.
Yeah. Okay. So do we park on it and take the chance or do we park in the general parking or just across the street, I guess, and hope that... I mean, I feel like we haven't even figured out how to do any of the rest of the heists. I can just park around the corner. You guys text me and I'll pull up. Okay. Yeah, that works. That works. Okay. Step one done. Step one. That's brilliant. Step two, we mission impossible it. You're back a hold out. I'm back in the game, baby. Oh, damn it.
One more heist and then you're out of the mission impossible game. I swear to God. Now, if there doesn't end up being lasers, are you going to be annoyed? I'll be furious. Oh, yeah. Now, I haven't actually seen Mission Impossible. Do we need to be worried about a double cross? Happens pretty regularly, but not every time. So we've about, what, there's eight of those films, double cross happens and three of them. Oh, those are good odds. Yeah, the odds aren't bad.
So I have to go and make a phone call. Okay. Don't move. No, that's grand. Yeah. No worries. So when he's making the phone call, I think I might have to bring Susie along. It's my day to look after. I think she's the only one who can really make heads or tails of this map. That's true. Yeah, we need like we still haven't figured out if there's a fuse box or a window. We need the original author. Don't like him. There's also an elevator. I'm not sure where that would lead to.
Yeah, I thought it was only one floor. No, that's an elevator. I thought that was the I thought that was the front door. Okay. That makes more sense. There's an elevator actually. Okay. I mean, it doesn't make it's one floor. It doesn't make that's true. It's true. It's an elevator to nowhere. It's a camera in it. There's also doesn't appear to be any doors in the room with the elevator in it. No, that's true.
Yeah, because she distinctly did put some doors in this diagram, but there's no way of getting I guess we're hoping the fire exit doesn't isn't alarmed. Okay, step two in through the fire exit. Lovely. And then we mentioned impossible. They're in here. Get them. Oh, my God. My shirt. Tell me is that a fresh tattoo on your leg there as well? Yes. When did you get that? Where did I get that? In fact, I got that yesterday. It was a tattoo and piercing parlor also heavily infected.
If you get out of this, I would probably go back to them and complain. I'm not planning on being around for very long. Fair enough, Frank. Oh, what do you know? What do you mean by that? Oh, well, I've been given a terrible diagnosis. And so I'm living my life on the edge. This explains quite a bit. I am 90 years old, so I wasn't expecting to live very long anyway. Frank, you did not look a day over 70. Honestly, what can I say? I'm spring.
Honestly, if it is a bad diagnosis, it doesn't look like that yet. Yeah, who knows? Who knows? But with this infection on my nipple, do you see yourself dying via your infections or would you like to go out in a different way? Oh, I wanted to go out in a blade of glory. One blade of glory, one blade to the front, one blade of glory to the throat. That's what my plan was, but they took my samurai sword before I could start chopping at the police whenever they were taking me away.
Frank, why am I going away? Oh, you were just at the bar and you were good fun. Your collateral damage. I guess you were driving around a sociopath. No, I didn't. He was nice, though. He was good for drinking with. What do you mean was? I'm still here for now. I mean, I'm just offering one of my buds here services. If you want to die by our hands, you know, we'd be happy to give you a good old rough them up type deal. If he gets in the middle of one of our fights, he will cease to be.
Instantly pass out and die. What do you say, boys? Why don't you start having a little argument there and walk off this mortal plane? OK, for you, Frankl. For you, we're going to do that. We're going to have an argument and we're going to we're going to fight so good that that's going to kill you. It was lovely meeting you, Paul. Nice to meet you, Franklin. Take care of those pants. Hey, Billy Bob's dumb. And so are you. I detest that you said that.
And I also think your tattoo is poorly made and your daughter has a stupid, disgusting name. She did the tattoo. How dare you? She was six, spelled half of it wrong. Well, she needs to go to a fucking school. Do you want to take this outside? But cancer will take it inside. I would very much like to take it inside. Oh, you've asked for it. Now I'm going to get you. Throw me into the middle of them. Oh, no, there's an old man. My swinging fists. Fireballs.
Oh, no. Oh, no. He has connected with his. I thought this would be quick. Oh, my God. Hunch the infection. My nipple, my nipple, it's stuck. I'm pulling it. I'm pulling it. Get the guards. I'm putting my knee on his neck and it's not doing anything. Should we have waited until the regards here? Oh, yeah, because now we're just fighting for nothing. Now we're fighting for nothing. We're not even going to get another day. I'm in a lot of pain. I'm so scared. Kill me.
I know, Franco, I don't think it was any point in us going. We're not going to kill you if there's no guards here. Are you stopping now? Well, he looks like he's in a lot of pain. Yeah. Back to Dunbracken is created, produced and edited by Conleth McVeigh. For more information on the podcast, including the weekly town newsletter, you can follow us at Dunbracken pod on Instagram.
This episode featured Patrick Meyer, Marcus Keighley, Deirdre Linsky, Cairnsands, Owen Fox, Eddie Goodwin and Aaron Marshall. The opening and closing music was created by Connor Mallon and you can check out his entire album Unearthed on Spotify now. Thank you for listening. We look forward to welcoming you back to Dunbracken very soon.