Foolish Mistakes | Golden Hour

Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks so much for joining us again. We're so excited to be back. How are you, Kathy.

I am fabulous. I am sitting cooling my heroes on vacasion, loving the cool weather. But today we are going to be answering more of your fan questions. Make sure you're submitting them. We love reading them. Just go to Bachelor nation dot com slash Golden Hour and submit away.

Send us everything, your questions, your updates, and your opinions. We want all of it. And you can also dm us on Instagram at Bachelor Happy Hour.

Okay, so before we get into the episode, we're going to start with the question of the day. But can I just say to you my favorite part? But I just want to say, you know, I'm on vacation, I'm in Canada. Do you just love the cool weather even in summer?

Yes, till September. It gets real cool at night and then the mornings are chilly and then it's really nice all day.

I mean, this is such a tree for me because I'm wearing sweaters and long pants in Texas, Like I won't get with like this till like November.

But so lucky because when I was in Canada last year it was one hundred and five.

Well, you know, stay away from Canada. You're ruining this country, all right. And by the way, I'll bring you some maple syrup because I know you like to kick it. All right, Here we go a question of the day. Have you ever seen someone ruin a friendship or a relationship just by how they handled something? What do you think?

It's hard for me to remember, but yes, people do stupid things.

I mean I have I haven't personally done this, but I have seen people let their mouth run away with them and they'll say something that really offends the other person. And I'm watching this squad, really did you just say that? Right?

And they regretted after all, some regot it afterwards.

But yeah, I mean, I think I think it's unfortunate though, I mean, I think sometimes, you know, your mouth gets away with you.

You were you ever in a situation where two of your friends and one of them was being a dick to the other one, and you're trying not to pass judgment, I open my big mouth. It's none of my business. But I was in the same car and I'm like, yo, don't talk to him like that.

Wait, and then did their friendship deteriorate?

No, they're married, But no, I've.

Had I mean, look at look at Teresa me. I told her to zip it and how long did it take? Yeah? I mean, but how long did it take? Right? It's I think people sometimes don't think. And again we're older, so we think First's.

Something I learned in my golden years.

We think first before we speak, and so I will say I've been guilty. This I have been guilty of. I don't think it's ever ruined or relationship, but I have been guilty of saying something. My sister will often say to me, Kathy, you are an English major. You're a wordsmith. Beise with no no, no, no, not grammar. Be precise with your words so that you mean what you say, and you say what you mean. Sometimes I will say something and it's like, well, I didn't mean it that way.

People hear, hand in hand with the delivery. That's right to soften things up. Even though you're saying something that's not a positive thing, but the way you say it, people can accept it a little easier sometimes, but if you say it like harshly, it's an immediate defense.

You and I just talked about this. I met a woman recently in Bachelor World who reminded me of me and her delivery. I was like, wow, it was like holding a mirror up and because I liked her a lot, I liked her a lot, but I could see where what she was saying was right. There was you know so so, but I've never lost a friendship over it. Then I'm aware of I've never lost a relationship today.

When I said earlier about the recap on Bachelor in Paradise, how I related to Parisa, and I'm so glad that I saw it because I used to be a lot like that, Like pullback, Susan, don't give it all because it could be a turn off. It's smothering.

Oh a minute, well, we don't have time to get back into that today. But I thought you were saying earlier that you thought it was great that Parisa complimented him.

I did because I used to do the same things, smother them with good, good, good, good good. And then you know so basically what that means is it's all about to chase with men, and if you're too available?

So now whoa we just changed the question of the day. We did. We're going to talk about this. You're telling me if you're too available, the relationship isn't going to work out.

A lot of times, like they enjoyed the chase, when you're and I'm not good at it, when you're playing a little hard to get if you will? You know the books that says be busy when they call. What do you mean I'm not busy? I want to go out with them?

Would I do that? Susan's like, wait a minute, I need ten minutes to put on my eyeliner. I'll be right there.

Do you ever do that? Did you ever say you were busy?

You think I play games?

I forgot she didn't they she got married and went to Berlin. No, not Scotland, Scotland. Okay, with Susan, we have a little test here. Berlin is in what country? Berlin is Teresa, Scotland is Kathy. And we just had a tiny little bit of a technical difficulty that I had to take a picture of your face that was frozen.

Kathy was adorable. And with that being said, we're going to give a questions. All right, we'll get into our fan questions for today. I'm going to start us off with the first one. You ready, ready, Hey, ladies, I think.

I messed up and I need some help. I was at my boyfriend's company party this past Friday. It was fun at first until I looked over and saw my boyfriend chatting with one of his coworkers let's call her Mia. To me, their conversation seemed super flirty, and it was really pissing me off. He has a tendency to be a social butterfly and bounce around the room while I'm feeling awkward. I don't usually clam up in social situations, but being around your partner's coworkers that you don't know

Can I go first? Helly, Yeah, you were really wrong. You don't never flirt with the boss. I don't care if it's your boss, your boyfriend's boss, your sister's boss, your grandmother's boss. You do not work with the.

Boss a jealousy will do?

Oh? Come on? First time?

I couldn't she, Kathy? Why couldn't she? When he said, wait just one second, I'm telling her about X, Y and Z, chime right in and be a part of it. Oh my gosh, Yes, wait to hear this part like and be a part of that conversation instead of feeling insecure.

Well, so let me just tell you, you and I Shocker are both outgoing. We can walk into it's one of my strongest suits, and I know it's one of yours. We can walk into a cocktail party with no one we know and leave with one hundred best friends because you and I can enter. We have that capo. My husband was the guy who would stand around while I was talking and then get angry with me that I didn't stand by his side because he was not outgoing.

But so, did you ever feel like he left you to talk to somebody?

I would know, but he felt that I left him to talk to people, and he would get very angry. Now it wasn't flirting. I was just having conversations. Here's where you went wrong, Anonymous. Your boyfriend your Susan's right, Your jealousy got in the way. Your boyfriend is your boyfriend. If you don't have the faith and the trust in your relationship, and you see a red flag because he's chit chatting with a workmate who happens to.

Be sounds like that's his personality.

Like she said, I'm saying, if that is your worry that you cannot trust your boyfriend because he's chatting with a girl a workmate, you have bigger issues in your relationship. That's what I think you need to get at the heart of why you don't trust your boyfriend. That's what I would say.

What do you think the only way out of it, and it's not even out of it, is tell the truth. Just say I was a little jealous. I saw you. To me, it looked like you were flirting with me, and I felt uncomfortable. So I decided to do this.

So I decided to flirt with your boss. Well, I got to tell you his name. The roles were reversed. I'd have to rethink that relationship. I hate to sound harsh, but if I were digging a guy and he started flirting with my boss, I don't want that, would you? I mean, I wouldn't want to do it.

I understood where she was coming from about he leaves her at his work party. But of course you're going to his people.

So chat. Go find some of the chat with don't hit on his boss. You got a room full of people, friend.

She did, though she said, you don't care, I don't care.

The point here is she thought it was flirting.

Beg forgiveness. But now I can't let go of the fact that how it was making her feel that he didn't have the decency to include her in a conversation with Mia.

Do you know what I mean?

She's standing there by herself. She don't know these people, and we talked.

No, I'm sorry you and I shocker are going to disagree. Yet again, you are not talking about a ten year old. We are talking about adults who are in adult relationships. If your boyfriend is talking with someone else, be it male or female, you know what you do. Strike up a conversation with the guy or gown next to you, find something to talk about the cumulus clouds overhead, find something to be He has not gab like you, though, Well, she had the gift to gab with his boss.

I think she should have stayed in the conversation with the X, Y and Z with Mia. That's what my butt would be if I thought he was flirting with her.

Be right, So great answer. Hang out with Mia and your boyfriend in chit chat, or talk to the male or female next to you about what color socks the waiter has on there with the boss. Do not, ever, it is an axiom of life. Never forgot the thing to do. So I'm sorry that your boyfriends need space. I don't blame her. Do I sound harsh? My delivery harsh? Isn't if I felt? Yes?

But she was wrong for doing that with the boss. I get it, because he didn't even notice. Somebody had to tell him. That's the best part. Maybe he isn't the one for you. Oh, she said, share with him. Do you share with him that you felt uncomfortable that he was flirting. It seemed like he was flirting. That didn't give you the right to do what you did. You admit fault. However, if you feel that way, then go be a part of it. And you still feel uncomfort rippled and freaking leave.

Yeah, I'm just saying, in the future, do anything, Anonymous, anything but go hang up the lady's room. Do anything, pick dust off the carpet, you know, ask him there's a vacuum cleaner because you want to vacuum the drapes. Do anything, but do not flirt with your boyfriend's boss.

So what do you do then?

I mean, listen, when in doubt, go to the bar and get a drink, or your case, go to one of the boutiques and go buy yourself something. Let's move on along, moving wrong on the next one. Hi, Kathy and Susan. I need to know if I'm the bad guy here the other day. What can I just say before we get to this question When people write in and say, I need to know if I'm in the wrong, I need to know if I'm the bad guy. I

Thanks, ladies, Yes, you are justified, because if she does this repeatedly and you're joking and saying maybe it's you, maybe there's nothing wrong with that. That was funny. Kathy's face is telling me different.

Yeah, I'm like kind of stunned that you said that. I think what if it had been me. I you know, I don't like texting because there's no emotion in texting. You can't read the emojis, right, you don't. That's the problem texting. But had I done that and said something like maybe it's you, maybe she feels like there is something wrong with her. So what I would have done later is I would have texted Lyla said hey girlfriend or him, you know, hey, friend, I was kidding. I

Her in the group.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't have texted to see if she was upset. I would have said, hey, I'm really sorry. I don't think it's you. I don't you know. I didn't mean to offend you.

Maybe I was just teasing.

I was teasing, and I'm sorry. I understand you probably didn't find it funny.

You know, I don't think it was funny. I was just busting them a little bit.

Yeah, and I'm sorry and I won't do it again. But the fact that a girl not to join back in the text for two days over that, well, maybe that's why the dates are bad. I'm saying, maybe she feels badly, Maybe she feels like there is something wrong with her and that's why things started her feeling Another one bit that maybe she's feeling but it sounds like she can put it out there.

Another one bites it does. Oh, but she can't take it, you know what I mean?

Maybe that's the case, Susan. Maybe she can't take it. Oh, look at you really take it? Can't take it on crying in a corner. What are you going to do?

What happened?

I said? Now I can't take it. I'm crying in a corner. You're going to say, see a land.

When you buy your hair and say, snap the freak out of it. Cat, let's go.

I'll get you a pizza and I will drink the tequila and Susan will have two slices of pizza. I don't know. I don't think this person has the whoever it is, I don't think. I don't think this person els the right to be annoyed.

I think she's asking us, Am I in the wrong? Is that how she started this one?

Yeah? I think you're in the wrong. Not for what you did. I think you're in the wrong for not reaching back out and again, and let's talk about it. Let's talk about your friendship has valued to me. I care about you, I love you. Let's not let this come between us. Come on, let's talk then, Anonymous, I would say, if you make an honest effort to talk with her, get it out in the open, what's really bothered her and she still doesn't talk to you, then

I wouldn't want to hurt anybody's feelings, and I don't think she was intending to hurt her feelings because this is no. I don't even there every time and she just everybody laughs.

But some people are sensitive, Susan, especially if she's always getting.

Consensitive when she goes another one bites the dust. That's not being real sensitive.

No, that she said about herself. I know, I know, but maybe she's sensitive that guys break up with her. Who knows.

No, she's saying the date sucks. She said she can't. Always sends updates about her really shitty first dates, usually live texting, and all in good fun. So yesterday she says, another one bites the dust. Yes, but Susan, your way, you crying emoji?

That's funny. It is funny. But here's the thing. If you know, you and I make jokes all the time, but sometimes people make jokes when they're really hurting inside. And maybe she's hurting. So I'm just saying, maybe she's hurting that none of these dates ever go well. And if it were me, I would be thinking what's wrong with me? So for someone to voice that, I could see what she would feel bad. So I would try

I think a guy that's not retired and I have more free time than he, I mean than Yeah.

But you're not really retired either, so you guys balance the balance though.

I guess so now that would suck because you have to wait for him to be able to.

And for me, when I retired, I did have a bit of an adjustment. You know, I didn't have the rigid structure of the schedule anymore. I could kind of do what I want when I want, and so when guys have asked me out. I've had some guys in their fifties and early sixties asked me out. I don't really want to do it. Remember that guy we met in California at the hotel. The guy was fifty eight. Yes, and he was really interested in me. And I said, yeah, but you work full time. He goes, we can make

I think just adjusting to retirement. Like I over the years had many many clients that one was retiring but the other one wasn't. And that adjustment. You know that he's home all the time and she's like, oh my gosh, you know he needs a hobby or whatever. It is an adjustment. And if you don't plan on what activities or what you want to do, Yeah, you just got to think about it as it comes. Yeah, I do prepare for that.

You have to. It's like dating again almost. It's like res kindling her friendship, a relationships.

Definitely give him more chores since he was the one at home and I'm still worship.

With Susan hamming down here with a mop and sponge on the kitchen.

Clean the bathroom.

Okay, so there's though, there are those things, the adjustment of time, like everyone has more time when you're retired dating. You know, I just said I want to date someone who's retired. What about I hit the elephant in the room, the nancys when you're.

Retired and you didn't prepare well.

Some people don't prepare well. But again it's you have the time and you want to balance the resources. Like do you think goldens, I don't know. Do you think goldens spend enough time thinking about what retirement's going to be, like can to finance what they want to do?

Well? Goldens are in that you think younger people. I think younger people should focus more on what it's going to be to retire and start saving. Now I did it backwards and right, gret it because I always thought, oh, he's making a ton of money. I don't have to worry, right, I thought we were going to get a divorce, you know what I mean?

Right? But but I mean I'm not saying my question right. Let's try this again. When when goldens when we're retired, Now we're golden, whether you're sixty, whatever it is, we're retired. I think that goldens. I've dated some guys who are like, hey, I'm retired, I can do anything I want. Come to find out they can't because we're living longer. And I don't think goldens think enough about once they're retired.

Do you mean financially like they did.

I think that's one of the things that I've known, this.

Golden somebody from traveling like crazy or spending money. They have to be on a budget because they know what's left and how they have to live.

But I'm saying I have met a lot of goldens who don't get any thought. It's not I'm not talking about what I agree with what you're saying. Young people need to think back, you know, think hey, I'm going to be retired someday. I'm talking about the people I've met who are retired, who are spending like it's Christmas every day and they're like, yeah, I'll worry about that later. I'm like, I don't think they've figured out that we're

One of the things that I've always said to people, everybody back back when this is our parents and our grandparents, and they would not they would do with that, They wouldn't go on trips because they were saving it to their golden years. I totally disagree with that. I think, go while you're healthy and young, and you work for it, and you go and take your holiday, and then you pay for it and you save up for the next

But that's what I'm saying. Retirement looks so different today. People who are retired still want to Some people who are retired want to volunteer full time because they want things to do. I will be honest with you. Most of my friends, in fact, I would say ninety five percent of my friends are not retired. They're between age forty and sixty.

And that's frustrating for us because we want to go do things and they can't because they're still working or rightet.

But and so I find that I find having as much energy as I have as much time as I have and the desire to do things. I think sometimes people think retirement is going to be this opportunity to do everything you want to do. But you know what, I find I have to find people to do it with me. And it's like a whole new set of friends sometimes because you got to find people who can

Right right, And everybody's different, like they're not healthy enough to go enjoy things, like they can't do it because their health has been altered somehow.

Yeah. I think my advice to Golden is not that anyone's asking me today, but hey, what the hell? I think Golden should spend more time concerned about their health so that they can live active years. You know.

Can I say something else, Kathy, something that I didn't realize. Okay, some people live on Medicare and they take.

It no no, no, you mean social Security.

Social Security and they take out for Medicare and they take out for this, and then they own a home, they have to pay taxes. There's nothing left for them. And and I don't think people think about that. You don't realize That's.

What I'm saying. I think, I think, I think you and I are doing a free advertisement for AIRP today sign. But I do think that. I do think that retirement looks very different today and that and I think that's a good thing. But I will say I have had some challenges finding people active, in to date, finding girlfriends who can afford to travel or even want to travel. Retirement looks very different in twenty twenty five than it did.

Our kids and our grandkids that are learning. You know, I can't tell them enough, put them away, put away for a ranger. Yeah, I'm telling you. I'm not telling you do you have it?

But do you tell your kids? Because I know we have young grandchildren. I tell my kids all the time. First of all, you know you and I travel a lot. We're doing different things, and our kids are like, wait a minute, we need you to babysit. Yeah, sorry, I won't be home. But I always say to my kids how energetic we are. Do you think our kids appreciate how much energy we have in our retirement.

Yeah?

I do.

My kids just worry about me spending their inheritance.

Well, that you know what that is Actually another question for retirement. Do you do you think we should be saving for to give money to our kids and should we be spending every time in our retirement.

Well, nobody spends every dime. But yes, you're hoping something's left for them. But I'm not going to go with al because I want to leave more. You're not not selfish. I worked all my life, you know, so you with them though, I like to go with them on vacation, Like I just came back from the Outer Banks with my son Christopher's family and a bunch of other people.

So yeah, I brought my own family to Canada. Yes, I that, But in retirement again, it's very different. My retirement is very different from my parents when they retired. But but that is another thing I want when you talk about dating and retirement, I know you you have Frederick, but I still talk about in retirement. I want someone who wants who were family is important. I love spending

Having They wish I was around even more because.

My kids you too. I don't know. I just think that, you know, people talk about being invisible once they retire, once they hurt sixty, being invisible. I just think retirement today looks very different. Words active, We travel, we do things, and I love that. And I hope all the people out there who are listening today who are retired, to realize that the misconceptions that you know you're retired, you crow up on a sofa and read a book and

Still still being alive and enjoying your life and your families.

You know, get now in life. I mean I want retirement for me. Well, first of all, I plan on living another account and tell my kids at thirty.

More years, oh I'll be long gone. Cat, I'll save you a spot. And that was fun.

You're leaving me, Susan.

Yes, today for you, but everybody, let us know what you thought about this conversation and where you're at in life. You know, my retirement, you are retired, Some not those of you that haven't looked into retirement savings.

Get busy.

That is Susan's because thank you so much for joining us today.

Yeah, it's really great. I think I think these topics are all interesting and we hope that you know we gave you something to chew on, something to think about today. Yes, but in the meantime, be sure to follow us. That's our happy Hour because we have new episodes coming out every week. You don't want to miss it this week of retirement. Next week we're having a whole episode about dating.

Twenty year olds or I don't know, you never know.

What interests sex with twenty year olds.

Listen in and make sure to submit your questions to us.

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Jaff