The Unspoken Narrative of Our Inner Emotions

So if you are interested in this emotion topic and it's not going to be that toxic positivity talk y'all I lean a little bit more towards realistic , slash pessimistic . I'm trying to be a little bit more optimistic , which I did an episode with me and you on that and yeah .

So this is just going to be a little bit of just how I've been feeling and it's not the most positive talk . So if you have ever experienced something like that or want to know more , then this is the most positive talk .

So if you have ever experienced something like that or want to make the intro too long , me and me and you were supposed to record this past weekend on childhood trauma so that we could put that out for you guys , because everyone seemed very interested in that topic . We're still going to do all four topics that was discussed on Instagram .

I cannot name them off the top of my head , but childhood trauma was one of the most popular . So we were going to talk about that and , like I said , I would try to navigate that myself . But that definitely , definitely needs an expert .

But it's something I do find fascinating , just like I said in the intro , like it's something that we as humans can kind of bond over right . Like we all had a past , we all had a childhood , our parents all did the best they could like if you're parents and you're listening to this , you're doing the best you could with the tools you have .

Like there's no right or wrong way to parent .

I'm clearly not parent , so I can't give any advice on parenting , but I do notice like I have friends and none of my like I'm not saying my friends do this , I'm just saying like I have friends that have children and like sitting around and listening or even like talking to my parents and my sisters and brothers and their parents .

Like everyone does kind of want to judge someone else's parenting skills and it's like everyone is just trying to do the best they can at the end of the day and sometimes that turns out into a great thing and then sometimes it doesn't , and that's one of the reasons why I'm scared to become a parent .

I've been very vocal about not wanting to have my own children , and a lot of it is because , like you just never know like you could raise a child in the perfect environment which there's nothing quote , unquote perfect but I'm just go with me here in the perfect environment and they could turn out to be a serial killer .

Like you just never know , like what's going to trigger someone . And so I think we can all bond over childhood trauma , which is why I think it was a popular hit on Instagram for for a discussion topic for us . It was a popular hit on Instagram for for a discussion topic for us . I'm personally trying to figure out like I know I have childhood trauma .

I know , like I've mentioned , like living in chaos and feeling like , if there's not chaos around me , like I'm either bored or something , and just trying to figure that out . So I was like , since we can't do that topic , let's talk a little bit about emotions .

And the reason why I want to talk about it is because it's something that's very uncomfortable for me . Those who are closest to me may think it's not uncomfortable for you .

You actually like to talk a lot like , especially in the dating life , like I'm a very big on like trying to express my emotions , but where I fail to do that correctly is that I do it after the fact . So maybe there's people out there like me , but I will .

If I'm mad about something , I won't say it at that moment , like because I'm I'm scared , like I'm scared that I'm going to hurt someone's feelings or it , because I don't tend to say things right all the time . Most of the time I tend to say things like in a probably a bad way and it comes across very wrong anyways .

Um and so I'm afraid of hurting someone's feelings or like expressing my emotion , probably because I'm scared someone will walk away . That is something I'm trying to dive into in the childhood trauma realm of it all , which , again , we'll talk about . I'm very open about it .

So we'll talk about my personal experience with me and you when , when there's someone there to help navigate the conversation .

But I have a hard time like expressing those emotions at the , at the time of the event , and then I let it build and build , and build and build , and I'm an exploder because I let everything build and then it's almost like people are like when you explode , they're like for what for why ?

And then it's almost like people are like when you explode , they're like for what for why ? Like this is like okay , I didn't wash the dishes , I'm just using the example , like you know , like when you just let something build and it's not the actual event that makes you upset .

So I'm trying to get in tune with my emotions , because I don't really know sometimes what I'm feeling . And if you don't know what you're feeling , how do you express it to someone else ? And some people who know their emotions well may think that's very strange or weird . But I'm back in therapy . Yay , me and I .

Something that collectively that therapists have told me you know over years or times that I've gone to therapy , is that I do have a hard time saying what I'm feeling . Like that's the first thing in therapy . That they ask you is like what are you feeling , how is your week , how are you feeling ? And I'm always saying I don't know , I don't know .

And so I started therapy back last week with a new therapist because it's close to work and the hours just fit a little bit better . Loved my old therapist a lot . She's just really booked out and busy . And then the timing with my new schedule , it just didn't add up .

Anyways , started back with a new therapist and you know you got to start all over again and tell your whole story and things like that . And we had our first session last week and thing like we were talking like what are you feeling , how are you feeling ?

And I was like , and I was like I'm just going to be honest , like that's something I've Not that I'm not honest , but something I have a hard time in therapy in the past with was just opening up , like I want them to ask me questions , so then I can , you know , respond . But sometimes that's not how it works .

Sometimes you have to be the one to bring up some uncomfortable conversations . So I told her , I said I don't really know how I'm feeling other than I'm feeling blah . I'm feeling meh . You know I've talked about that on the podcast several weeks ago . And she meh . You know , I've talked about that on the podcast several weeks ago .

And she was like okay , so let's talk a little bit about why you feel that way . And like I liked the way she navigated the conversation and come to find out . You know , obviously it's due to my childhood trauma because when I was younger I suppressed a lot of my emotions and I've had a whole episode on this on the podcast .

You just have to go back a few when I talked about my family drama where my sister was in trouble all the time and my mom was tending to her . So I didn't want to express how I was feeling or like if I was sad or happy or upset about anything , because I felt like my sister really needed that attention from my mom at the time .

So I just suppressed my own emotions . So nobody actually suppressed my emotions . Like I never went to someone and said , hey , I feel sad or I feel mad , and someone just ignored me . It was more of a . I suppressed it because I didn't want to upset anyone else when I saw how upset my mom was constantly as a child .

So me suppressing my own emotions and no one there really to help me navigate like what I'm feeling like . Maybe if I would have went to my mom as a child and been like , hey , I'm feeling really mad or I'm feeling really sad , like maybe that could have been navigated a little bit better and I could understand why .

So now as an adult , when I have certain emotions . I'm just like I don't know . I don't know why I feel this way , like I'm just irritated , I'm agitated , which I mean .

There's obviously events that cause it and I can link back to like I've had some personal things go on in the past couple of months and I was trying to see if we could do some nutritional healing with my thyroid which I mentioned about the medical medium and trying to do that and wean my thyroid medication .

So some of it could be a little hormonal , some of it could be . You know , I'm still just trying to figure out my emotions . But since I can't articulate this very well and I can't like express what I'm saying without an expert here , I did listen to a podcast earlier today and it was like divine timing .

It just showed up like obviously it was really staying . Anyways , I listened to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her podcast , love them . They have some of the most amazing guests on . But today's episode that they dropped was with Dr Susan David and it's titled how to master emotions , manage stress and anxiety and get unstuck .

And she's a psychologist and I was just listening to this episode and it's kind of funny .

Like I said , it's just divine timing because I was talking about my emotions with my therapist last week and like having these activities of just checking in with myself throughout the day just to see , like , what are you feeling , and unfortunately for me , I keep saying the same thing , which is not helping .

But this episode actually just was very intriguing and eye opening because she talks about how , honestly , all emotions are good emotions . We should stop labeling emotions good or bad , like they just are .

Um , I know that was kind of contradictory when I said all emotions are good emotions a minute ago , but she just meant like all emotions are just , they just are .

And it does really start in childhood development when children are trying to express , you know , you know when children throw tantrums and things like that , it's at that moment as parents to intervene and kind of like try to navigate those emotions and try to help the child figure out what they're feeling so that they do have a more connection with their emotions .

So as I was listening to her , I was like , okay , that makes sense . You know , I suppress my own emotions I didn't really , you know , talk to my emotions with my parents and to even give them the opportunity to help navigate those for me . So that could be one of the reasons .

And she kind of dives way deeper and it's a really good episode . So if you're having any kind of difficulty expressing your emotions or understanding your emotion , that's a really good podcast episode to listen to .

She explains it so much more beautifully than I'm doing currently , but yeah , she like kind of goes deeper and then just further explains , like when we there's like two parts of emotions , like one defining the emotion , understanding the emotion and knowing where it's coming from .

And then the second part is like how are you talking to yourself , how are you treating yourself about that emotion ? And I know me , when I get in like these lower moods , I do kind of constantly beat myself up . I'm like I shouldn't be feeling that way . There's no reason to be feeling that way . I have a great life . I live , you know , very comfortably .

I have a great job .

You know there's nothing here that should be making me feel in a low mood , like I should be high vibration , I should be in a high mood , and then that kind of does put further pressure on me to get out of it , which then makes me kind of feel depressed bad longer , like I know , if Minyu was here , I already know her advice is to sit with that .

Don't try to suppress it . Don't go drink alcohol , don't binge out on Netflix , don't go eat the pizza , whatever it is that you particularly do to suppress that emotion . Don't do it . Sit with it and your body and your mind typically do lead you to the answer . And that's something I know .

I haven't been doing Like I've just been watching TV and like going for walks and like listening to podcasts , which all are distracting , right , like they're not truly getting to the root of the problem . And this is the part where it's like , well , you know what to do , you know the tools , you could meditate , you could , you know , do some tapping .

You could get up and go do grounding exercises where you sit in nature with no podcast , no noise , all the things right . Like I have the tools , I know I could do it , but I just haven't and I haven't felt inspired to do so .

I haven't felt any reason to do so , other than I just don't want to feel like this whichyu has always said like her advice is if the , if the will isn't stronger than what you're doing , then you won't do it . Like she could tell me , like you could go through the motions all day and do it as an act , like you're doing the act of meditation .

You're doing the act of going for a walk with no headphones , but you're not really wanting to be there .

And it's the same when any situation right that that we go through , like in life , if you're in a fight with a spouse or anything , anything that we do , if you're not wanting to be there and you're not wanting to do it , then you're not going to do it . But I'll stop rambling now .

I just wanted to kind of touch base , say why the episode of childhood trauma was not going to be out today and kind of express a little bit about emotions . I do highly recommend that podcast episode on the Skinny Confidential Him and Her podcast with Dr Susan David . It was released today .

So if you go and look for it today or I say today , I'm recording this on Monday , so it was released yesterday . So if you go look for her episodes from yesterday , you'll be able to easily find it . It's episode number 693 . I just looked that up .

So , yeah , highly recommend that if you're struggling with your emotions or wanting to get more in touch with them or even just wanting to understand , like how you're feeling , because this episode made me feel actually better about them being like okay , well , there's no good or bad emotions , emotions .

And oh , there's one other thing that she said at the end of the podcast . She says we just all have to understand that emotions are fleeting , like they're not a forever thing , and that's something that I struggle with . I always think like if I choose this job , it's my forever job . If I choose this car , it's my forever car .

If I choose this house , it's my forever house , which my aunt always tells me I'm borrowing trouble . She , she , was like why are you borrowing trouble , like the ? Just because you buy it now doesn't mean it has to be your forever thing .

And I'm like , I know , I don't know why , I think that another childhood trauma , I'm sure , um , but anyways , that's something like the same with emotions . Like , sometimes , when I get in these lower moods , I'm just kind of like , is this emotion for forever ? Like is this how I'm going to feel forever ?

And I know , logically , it's not like I'm not always here , um , but I just thought that was great that she said that on the podcast . Like emotions are fleeting , they come and go , like you may be in this for a week and then next week you'll be fine .

Um , so just learn to sit with your emotions , learn to understand what they are , and sometimes we do need outside help . Sometimes that does mean talking to a therapist , a life coach , someone who is a professional in that area , to help navigate it .

Again , this does not go to say like , if you're experiencing true depression and anxiety , definitely seek help and medical advice , because this podcast is definitely not to give any medical advice or substitute for any kind of therapy , but it's just to kind of put thoughts into the universe and just kind of go from there .

But yeah , like I said , I said I was gonna stop rambling , so I'm going to stop babbling . I need to stop saying rambling . This is babbles nonsense .

I'm going to stop babbling and we will have some interviews coming up for you guys in the next few weeks and me and you are sitting down to figure out when we can record the podcast for you guys on childhood trauma . So be on the lookout for that .

But as always , guys , thank you for listening to the episode and if you like the episode , you can like rate , subscribe to the podcast , and if you're feeling extra fancy , you can go leave a little review on Apple Reviews . So until next time , guys . Bye you .