Section six of the Awful German Language by Mark Twain. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Kirsten Webber, section six AZZO. If I have not shown that the German is a difficult language, I have at least intended to do so. I have heard of an American student who was asked how he was getting along with his German and who answered promptly, I am not
getting along at all. I have worked at it hard for three level months, and all I have got to show for it is one solitary German phrase, zweiglass two glasses of beer. He paused for a moment reflectively, then added with feeling. But I've got that solid. And if I have not also shown that German is a harassing and infuriating study, my execution has been at fault and
not my intent. I heard lately of a worn and sorely tried American student who used to fly to a certain German word for relief when he could bear up no longer under his aggravations. The only word whose sound was sweet and precious to his ear and healing to his lacerated spirit. This was the word damit. It was only the sound that helped him, not the meaning footnote three. It merely means in its general sense herewith end of
footnote three. And so at last, when he learned that the emphasis was not on the first syllable, his only stay and support was gone, and he faded away and died. I think that a description of any loud, stirring, tumultuous episode must be tamer in German than in English. Our descriptive words of this character have such a deep, strong, resonant sound, while their German equivalents do seem so thin
and mild and energy less. Boom, burst, crash, roar, storm, bellow, blow, thunder, explosion, howl, cry, shout, yell, grown, battle, hell. These are magnificent words. They have a force and magnitude of sound, befitting the things which they describe. But their German equivalents would be ever so nice to sing the children to sleep with or else, My awe inspiring ears were made for display and not for superior usefulness in
analyzing sounds. Would any man want to die in battle which was called by so ta aim a term as a schlacht, Or would not a consumptive feel too much bundled up? Who was about to go out in a shirt collar and a seal ring into a storm, which the bird's song word gevita was employed to describe and observe. The strongest of the several German equivalents for explosion, auspore.
Our word tooth brush is more powerful than that. It seemed to me that the Germans could do worse than import into their language to describe particularly tremendous explosions with the German word for hell helle sounds more like helly than anything else. Therefore, how necessarily chipper, frivolous and unimpressive it is. If a man were told in German to go there, could he really rise to the dignity of
feeling insulted? Having pointed out in detail the several vices of this language, I now come to the brief and pleasant task of pointing out its virtues. The capitalizing of the nouns I have already mentioned. But far before this virtue stands another, that of spelling a word according to the sound of it. After one short lesson in the alphabet, the student can tell how any German word is pronounced without having to ask, Whereas in our language, if a
student should inquire of us. What does b O W spell? We should be obliged to reply. Nobody can tell what it spells when you set it off by itself. You can only tell by referring to the context and finding out what it signifies, whether it is a thing to shoot arrows with, or another of one's head, or the forward end of a boat. There are some German words which are singularly and powerfully effective. For instance, those which
describe lowly, peaceful and affectionate home life. Those which deal with love in any and all forms, from mere, kindly feeling and honest good will toward the passing stranger, clear up to courtship. Those which deal with outdoor nature in its softest and loveliest aspects, with meadows and forests and birds and flowers, the fragrance and sunshine of summer, and the moonlight of peaceful winter nights in a word, those which deal with any and all forms of rest, repose
and peace. Those also which deal with the creatures and marvels of fairyland. And lastly, and chiefly in those words which express pathos is the language surpassingly rich and affective. There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry that shows that the sound of the words is correct. It interprets the meanings with truth and with exactness, and so the ear is informed, and through the ear the heart. The Germans do not seem to be afraid to repeat a word when it is the
right one. They repeat it several times if they choose that is wise. But in English, when we have used a word a couple of times in a paragraph, we imagine we are growing tautological, and so we are weak enough to exchange it for some other word which only approximates exactness, to escape what we wrongly fancy is a greater blemish. Repetition may be bad, but surely in exactness is worse. End of Section six