I can use full permission from here on out. That was incredible. I think by definition, the only reason it could have been epic is because it was of an epic person. Thank you. Which, I'm hiding out. No, I was going to see this Natasha. Yeah, I'm looking forward to more people going to experience this epicness. I've had the opportunity to for for the last maybe like a year now, maybe a little more.
And yeah, it's my pleasure to be able to provide you this platform to share your story and share all that with them that I've had the chance to experience. I so appreciate being here just so you're aware. I know we've spoken about it a few times. I find it incredible that I found you when I did you and and everybody that I found in that collective that you created and to be here feels so safe and I'm just excited to see where it goes. It always does with you.
You set up the space in such a such a cool way, such a playful, but also. A lot comes through, a lot more than necessarily can be predicted. So this should be fun. Yeah, I know it's going to be and I can feel that there's just so much that wants to come through this transmission and in conversation. So let's jump into it. Where I want to begin is here.
I feel like often what I've seen in people tuning into to content like this that they're seeing people who embody qualities that they might aspire to embody. They sometimes have seen this create this gap between themselves and that person and there's this idea of well, that's them. They're special. That's not me. And I think one of the best ways we can kind of debunk this is to let them know that you weren't always this person.
You too had to go through your fair share of challenges and darkness and I've had the honor to hear some of your story in the past and I think it does such a great job of showing people that even if they're in some of that themselves that they can get out of it because all you did. And so that's where I want to start. I want to start with you sharing a bit of your story and you won't be able to share all of it, but whatever you feel called to share with.
And I think especially making note of who you were before this person that embodies the sort of qualities and the sort of mindset that you do today. Yeah, absolutely. I want to start also by saying I still struggle. So I just want to make sure that it's clear for anybody that might be watching. They see people like you and I and we're at this place in our lives where we're producers. We're able to produce a lot more. We still struggle and we still fight battles and we still deal with life.
Like when people say life happened, well, life happens. It's very normal for everybody. And so I just want to say that, you know, even though we might be able to accomplish a lot and you might be seeing that it doesn't mean that there isn't certain battles that were also facing at the same time. I always say I'm not special. I just have good follow through. That's what I tell people. I'm like, I'm not unique from you. I'm not a different breed of human. You know, and I am still human.
I'm not a god. Don't put me on a pedestal. I just have really good follow through for myself. And that's because of what I've been through because I went through a large period of my life where I had no follow through for myself.
Let's just go, I'll go, I'll go back back and then I can take it, take us through hopefully not in too long of a period of time because I know that we're limited on time today, but take us through kind of my experience through life as it was and what I, what my bigger battles were and where I'm at now. So I had a decent amount of trauma come through throughout.
I would say in the grand scheme of things, a small window of time, but to me, it felt like eternity and during the first of a few of those experiences that I went through where my, my choice was taken from me and I had no control over what was happening in those moments when I, when I searched for somebody to nurture me afterwards, I was abandoned. And I grew to believe that I wasn't worthy of that. I wasn't worthy of love. I wasn't worthy of time, attention.
And so when more came through and I'm going to be emotional and so I'm just going to, you know, if this is triggering for somebody just maybe pause it. As more of these things happened to me, I had convinced myself that I was alone and that was really scary to go through those things and feel hopeless. I was hopeless. That was, that's a good word for where I was at. I felt completely in the dark and people only wanted things from me and then people were taking things from me and I had nothing.
I was just scared. And I was scared and I trapped myself in that for such a long period of time, believing that I couldn't go to anybody, believing that I couldn't solve these things, believing that these things were meant to happen to me, believing that I wasn't worth something better than what I was receiving. I lived in that on repeat in my mind for years and I eventually got exhausted. And in that exhaustion, I came to a place of not wanting to have to wake up anymore.
I didn't want to have to keep waking up and then realizing that what I had went through and what I was living in was real. I didn't want to have to keep waking up and thinking, oh my gosh, please tell me it was a dream and then it would not be a dream. You know, it was just torture and I was lucky enough to have, not lucky enough. I think it was meant to happen the way that it did.
I don't know if I necessarily believe in luck, but I went to speak with somebody and for anybody listening, I highly recommend going and talking to somebody. I highly recommend therapy. How I was raised. I was raised in a household that did not believe in therapy except for my mom who was struggling with mental health issues. The rest of my family didn't believe in it and I didn't want to bring shame to my family.
And it felt like a shameful tactic to go and get help and it's not and I just want to say that if anybody else is in that same place, it's not shameful to ask for help. So I went and I wasn't seeking help. I didn't want to be here any longer. I wanted to be prescribed something with ill intention and I was giving a second chance in that moment.
And it was all because of how this person who knew nothing about me, who was not trying to fix me, who was not telling me that I was wrong or that something was broken just sat across from me and heard me. And it was the first time that I had felt heard and it was the first time that I had felt seen in years. And that's not an understatement in years. I felt like I was actually here. Like I was alive. It was almost as if in that moment, I signed on.
And it was the most incredible feeling because I hadn't felt it so long and it went away and I wasn't prescribed what I was looking for. So I didn't get my out, which is good, but I kept thinking I'm like, okay, maybe if I just think about it as like one more. So like I'm going to just take one more step. I'm going to just have one more time.
And I'm going to do one thing, just one thing every single day, one that can help me understand what I'm going through a little bit deeper, a little bit better. And so I just started researching. I started researching mental health and I started researching trauma. And I just wanted to get to know it. I just, I wasn't trying to solve it. I wasn't trying to eliminate it. I didn't think it was possible to do so. I just wanted to know it.
And the more that I got to know it, the more I started to realize I didn't write these things. Okay, well, if I didn't write these things, that has to mean that somebody else knows them, which means that I'm not alone. So who else knows these things? And then I started to, my focus started to switch to who else. And I just started to try and look for other people. That's it.
Just trying to look for anybody else that may have experienced not necessarily the same things as me, but felt the same things that I did. You know, I have the belief that whether you drown in seven feet of water or twenty feet of water, it doesn't matter. You still drown at the end of the day. Trauma is trauma. It doesn't matter how heavy it was. It's how it makes you feel.
And that's how we can connect to one another and relate to one another and support one another, not by me saying, oh, my trauma is worse or my trauma is not as bad as yours. It's saying, no, we both, we both experienced the same thing. We both felt the same thing. How do we work together in that? And so I just started looking for others who, who else might have?
And it was so funny because when I started looking for others, I just started asking people around me, the close people around me, like, oh, have you ever felt like this? Have you ever felt afraid? Have you ever felt like this darkness that you can't really understand? Have you ever felt unpredictability? Have you ever felt unstable? Have these questions of all the things I was feeling, but I'd only asked one at a time just to see. And all of these people are like, yeah, oh, yeah.
Yeah, of course I am. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, okay, some more validation that I'm not alone than what I was experiencing. Okay. And that just kept evolving over time. It just kept being one more, but that one more brought me to here. You know, like, I, I, I'm a completely different person than I was at that point in my life. And it's bizarre to me to think that those two people existed at the same time.
And I'm so grateful for that person to have existed, that need, because they still live within me, right? They're still here. And I'm so grateful to have had them exist because I can now understand people on a, on a new level. I can understand struggle on a new level. I'm not up here doing all the things I'm doing saying like, oh, you just need to stop feeling that way. No, just like, oh, no, I know that feeling.
And when you become aware of the truth behind your life and your existence, it's going to hurt more. I would say it was more painful for me to become aware of the fact that I was responsible for my trauma cycle or at par with me going through the trauma itself. And that's just because of the length of time I kept myself in that cycle. I did that. I was responsible for how long I suffered. I was. I was the one replaying it. I was the one not seeking out other forms of help.
And it might have been because of the tools that I had at the time. Yes. But that was me. I abandoned me. These other people abandoned me. OK, I abandoned me. That hurt, like that, that broke my heart open. It was like, oh, I don't want to ever do that again. And I did, and I still do what times, you know, I'm human. And yet at the end of the day, I'm always really quick to come back to myself and be like, is this who I want to be for myself? Am I proud of who I am?
Am I proud of who, what I say? Am I proud of how I'm showing up? If the answer is yes, I'm good. If it's no, then I give myself the grace to make a change. But I was responsible. And that awareness was life altering. How did you come to the awareness that one that you had some responsibility in what you were experiencing? Because it sounded like there was a journey to coming to the point of even coming to the idea that you could have done something, right?
That realization that you had responsibility in this and that you could have, you had the power to change it. How did you get there? Yeah. Community. So it's funny. I didn't come to it on my own. I mean, the realization came from me, yes. It was through being around people who I wanted to be. I started to show up in groups of people and I started to ask myself, why do these people inspire me? What is it about these people that inspires me?
What is it about these characters and movies that I'm just like so drawn to? What is it about the hero that I love so much? I was like, what is that? How can I be that? I started to recognize a pattern with all of those people. Those people weren't victims. None of them are victims. I mean, they were victims. They had horrible things happen to them. Horrible things happen to them. And yet they weren't victims. I was like, okay, well, how do you not be a victim when something has happened to you?
How do you not be a victim when somebody has impeded on your choice when somebody has taken something from you and intentionally harmed you? How do you not be a victim? And it was the recognition of, and I cannot remember who said it. So I apologize on that account, but the moment that your trauma happened is the only moment it truly existed and everything past that point is your responsibility. And I was like, whoa. And to say that hit is an understatement.
I was mad when I heard that just to be clear, it started as anger because I was like, you don't understand. And then I checked myself and I'm like, no, they do. They do understand. That's why I'm here. I have these two voices, one that was like, if you, like, you don't know, I'm going to go to war. And there's other voices just like, no, we've been at war for a really long time and I'm pretty exhausted. And if it's triggering you, that's likely true for you.
So sit with it and sitting with it more and more. I felt ashamed of myself. I went through phases, you know, it was this phase of shame. I was so ashamed of myself for letting it go so long. I was like, I can't believe, like I say this, I wouldn't, I don't intentionally harm others. I intentionally harmed myself for such a long time subconsciously. Like I just, and I let that happen. Okay. And then I started to realize, well, holding onto that is just another form of harming myself.
So now I went from harming myself to harming myself. That's not working. We need to change something else, you know, blaming myself, shaming myself, being resentful of myself and who I was. That's not creating the change that I want. So we need to take a different action. So what's the next action? I was like, I have to work on forgiving myself. That one, that one's heavy, that one's hard. It takes time to build trust in any relationship. And so I just focused on other relationships.
It's like, what do I do to build trust in other relationships? Okay. You know, I spend time with that person. My actions, my follow through speaks louder than my words. So let's just focus on those two things. How can I spend time with myself? What ways can I spend time with myself that will make me feel really connected to me? And what ways are easy, accessible ways that I can show up for myself and follow through for myself? So I can start building that trust.
It's not about going from zero to 100. I tried that. It wasn't working. It was about just finding small, accessible ways to start building that trust back. And the more I did it, the more I started to believe that I could. And the more that I believe that I could, the more I became a second nature and the more I became a second nature now is just who I am. It's integrated into my being. So I say, I have good follow through. I'm not unique. I have good follow through. Because I built a skill.
It's a skill, right? It's a communication skill with myself. I show up and I follow through. And if I can do it for me, I can do it for others. And that translates out. Yeah. I think what's powerful about that too is seeing the two-way relationship between falling through and building that trust. Right? When you follow through, you build on the trust that you have on yourself and the more trusted you have on yourself, the more likely you are to follow through.
And so I think one of the things you said there that so key is starting small, starting small with those or the small ways that I can begin to show up with for myself and then building on that trust. At what point did you feel your first flicker of hope that? Thanks. Can change. Well, the first one would have been at the counseling session. It wasn't necessarily, it wasn't the flicker of hope, but that my life would like completely 180, right?
But it was the flicker of hope that I could be here still, which is huge. I mean, for anybody that's been or lived in darkness, they can understand that moment. I think anybody that struggled that finally gets that breath where they're like, "Oh, things might be okay. That feeling is irreplaceable." And then I would say, honestly, when I realized that things had changed in a very big way, was when I separated from my ex. And it's not because he was a bad person.
I want to clarify this and make it very clear, two good people can be good people and not good for each other. And I believe that deeply. And so we had been together for an incredibly long time, almost six years. And both of us were just getting worse. And it took a lot of crying in the shower for me to realize that. It was the best thing for both of us, for me to be the one that stepped up and finally called things quits. I was fighting to become this new person, this new version of me.
I was going and doing a bunch of things that were feeding my soul. He never wanted to be there. So whenever I was there trying to do these things that would feed my soul, I was constantly feeling this guilt that I wasn't present with him. But then when I was there, we weren't together or present. And so, and then I would be thinking about all the things I wanted to do. And I'm like, it's the same for him. Like we just keep cycling this weird guilt that we can never meet each other for six years.
And it was terrifying. It was terrifying for me because I didn't know how I would beat by myself. But I knew that I knew that it was worth the risk. And I knew that it was the honorable thing to do to let him go. I knew that it was hard though. You pour so much of yourself into somebody else in that long period. And short periods of time as well, but in that long period of time, we had so much woven into each other. And so many people that would say, you know, like, you guys are fine.
These are normal things, like just down playing. And like, these aren't normal things. These aren't okay. Okay, I have to listen to my soul now. I have to listen to my heart now. And my head's telling me, just stay. It's fine. It'll get better. And my soul is telling me, get out. And finally, I chose to listen to the other voice. It was horrible. At first, I'm going to be honest. It was a really, really, really difficult breakup because his mental health is not okay.
And I just remember laying on the floor with a bottle of wine and listening to Celine Dion Cry. And just being like, I'm so proud of myself. But I was like, I was just, I was a mess, but I was, so I was crying. But I was like, this was the right choice. And it was horrible and it was messy and it was chaotic. And it was like, everything was falling apart. And I felt amazing. And I was like, I don't understand this feeling.
But if this is, if this is what it took was just doing the right thing, even though it was hard. And this was a big thing to do. This was a life changing thing to do. And I can do the small things too. So let's just like, we're just going to get through it. We're so brave. We're so courageous. We've got this. I leaned on other people. I was like, you know what? I'm not good. I need support and love. And I just need to know that even though I did the right thing, I'm not going to lose everyone.
And I'm not going to lose myself. So that was, that moment, that moment was pretty clear. It was, yeah, I had moved my entire life to Vancouver. He was the only person that I knew from back home. Like, I don't have anybody here, right? So it was, it was a big thing for me and my family is back in Alberta. All of my friends are back in Alberta. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm going to be alone alone. And I wasn't. I had me. And then I made so many friends that are here with me still today.
And I'm just like, okay, I gave myself the opportunity for something greater. And I also gave that to him as well. And I think that was the most loving thing I could have done. At the time, it felt like, it felt mean to do it. And we get in that headspace, right? Our ego gets in the way and it tries to cloud us. And in hindsight, I can see as the most loving thing I could have done for both of us was to let us separate and be the person that let that happen because he's so much better now too.
There was, there was something he said that stood out to me, you know, making the decision to leave that relationship that was no longer an alignment for you. You said, well, you said the words that you were listening to yourself at that point. You decided to listen to yourself, listen to your heart.
And to me, that that, I'm willing to guess that there had to have been a certain amount of inner work and self-awareness, cultivated healing props that took place in order for you to have even be able to tune into that, to know what it was that your soul was wanting. Would you say? Yeah, yeah, finish your thought and then I have something else. Yeah. So I think that's the, that's the part that I want to emphasize because I think there might be some golden nuggets to draw from that. How were you?
People were needed to be done if there was work involved with that, but how were you able to even get in touch with what you were wanting at that, that soul heart level? Yeah. So just the one thing I wanted to say before and I'll dive into that, I believe we, we all have those voices, right? We have two voices within us and this is just something that I believe. We have one that I call my soul and my heart and one that's the ego.
And I do believe both are necessary, like the ego is going to keep you safe, protect you from walking off a cliff, please don't walk off cliffs, you know, like it's going to be the one that's telling you when, when you're in true danger and I think sometimes that that voice sees things that aren't dangerous as danger and then it can cloud or become really high volume in comparison to your other voice. So I think that this is just like dials within us and I think they're both necessary.
So it's not about eliminating one of the voices instead is about sitting and being able to hear both the voices and make a conscious decision based on both. And so my soul voice was very quiet for a really long time though it would still speak, it was just very quiet and my other one was really loud, really loud for a really long time. That helped me to start as you put it hearing that other voice was investing in activities that felt good for me.
And I had to, I had to trial and error this a lot because at first I was told some really like specific ones like journal, right? Like that was like a really commonplace one and I know lots of people still, they journal and they enjoy it. I'm not a huge journaler, I have to be called to journal.
I love writing, I'm not necessarily, I like to speak, I'm a speaker so I like to like voice or chord things but I tried journaling because I was told you know the physical action of it as well as letting your mind just flow and writing whatever comes out, it can be so beneficial to you. So I did try that, I found some benefits to it.
The most benefits I found was just from being able to sit and ask myself questions and reflect like having reflection points and so I took those things and I tried a few different other tactics. So one thing I would do is I would do voice recording so I had questions, I just found the month Pinterest was super easy and I just found you know soul, what were they called? It was so funny. It was like soul building questions or something like that.
I was like seven soul building questions and I would ask myself these questions and I would record how I was feeling and I would just let myself talk and then the next day I would listen to it, like the next morning I would listen to it. So I do this at night and then I would listen to it the next day and I would be like, "Oh wow, that's really cool." And when I would listen to myself I was able to be like, "Oh wow, okay, I felt that way yesterday.
How do I want to set my day up?" And that was another one that my counselor gave me was like intention setting at the start of the day. And so this previous recording from the day before of my reflection of the day and then I'd set an intention for my next day based on that and I'm like, "Okay, well yesterday felt really good. How can I bring some of what yesterday had into today's day?" Or yesterday felt pretty horrible. How do I bring some more peace to myself today?
Or yesterday I worked really, really hard. How do I slow down today? Like asking myself to go hot and cold. That was like the idea that I was told to keep in my mind was like, "You're hot and cold. If it was really good, what other things happened?" Because it can kind of cloud. It's like, "Okay, hot and cold." You had a lot of good things. What were some things that you think you could work on? So hot and cold, hot and cold, hot and cold.
Or I had a really horrible day, but what were some good things that happened? Because it's easy to find the horrible things that happened if there was 20 of them. It's harder for you to find the things that were good. Okay, great. And I went through that for, I would say three months before it just became habitual. Like I didn't have to record it anymore.
I just found myself already doing it without needing to do the extra step of recording and then reading the seven-sold-year-old questions and doing that. I felt pretty grounded in the practice of just reflecting and then setting intention. And then also, I would say the next part to this as well, was my therapist told me, "I'm a very curious person and I have a very good understanding. I like to understand."
And her one comment to me that was so impactful was, "You can understand and things still not be okay." And I started to ask myself, "Okay, I understand why things happen today." And that doesn't mean that they should happen, so is it okay? I just went to asking myself, "Is it okay?" Like, "Okay, understand why things happen. Is it okay?" Yes or no. And I'd ask myself that and I'd let my heart answer that question. It was like, "No." And it wasn't about fixing it at that point.
It was just about yes or no. I was just trying to get in tune with myself and understand what I needed more than anything in those situations. Is it okay, yes or no? No. Okay. Let that be what it is. Is it okay, yes or no? Yes. And then it's okay to do what it is and then build from there. Yes. The reflections that you would do, these voice recordings, by the way, I love that you give yourself the space to do it in the way that it feels good and aligned for you.
Not everyone needs to be a journalist, just because it's this super beneficial thing for so many people, myself included, I don't think that it's necessarily the format that everyone needs to follow. So if voice notes are your thing, do voice notes. That's not to say don't give it a shot and give it a fair chance because you can't know unless you do. But for you, you were doing these voice note recordings. This was done and then you also said you tied this into intentions that you would set.
So was this a daily thing that you would do and when were you doing this? Was this the recordings that you would do? Say at night and then intentions in the morning, how did that look for you? Yeah. So I did it as many days a week as I could. I wanted to relieve as much pressure as I could because at the start, I tried to do it every day and then I failed and then I shamed myself and then I stopped doing it and I went back to therapy and she's like, why aren't you doing it?
I said because I failed and she's like, you didn't fail. You just have to do it. So I had to teach myself how to approach things in a healthier way. And so I just want to say that because I know a lot of people struggle with this. They're like, no, I have to do it seven days a week or I have to do it five days a week or I have to do it three days a week in as soon as that doesn't happen. They're like, no, no, I'm not consistent. Consistency isn't about perfection. It's about persistence.
And that's what I had to learn with that consistency is not about perfection. It's about persistence. And so that's what my therapist and I worked on a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, redirecting that energy and that intention. And so I was like, okay, she's like, just do it as much as you remember to and eventually you're going to get better at it. And she's like, just trust yourself. She's like, I know it's hard to do so when you for so long haven't. She's like, but just trust yourself.
You will do it. She's like, even if it's your OCD, because I'm diagnosed OCD, I redirect my OCD into certain things because that's where I can use it as a superpower. But I, she's like, even if it's your OCD, it will. Yeah, you have to do it at some point throughout your week. So just just trust yourself and do it when you're called to do it. No. She said, but try, like you have to try. And I was like, okay, fine, fine.
And at first I didn't trust her, even though she's a professional, I didn't trust her. I was like, no, man, I just, I, if I don't have it set, if I don't have a schedule set, if I don't do it seven days a week or tell myself, I'll do it seven days a week, I'm not going to do it. And she was right. I just let it be. And first night I did it because I just left therapy. So it just made sense. Like it was in my brain.
And then the next day I didn't do it because I got really overwhelmed at work and I just went to bed. I was, I just wasn't in it. And I woke up the next day and I was like, oh, dang, I didn't do my reflection points. I can still set an intention though. Okay, well, I'll just set an intention now. So I set an intention for my day. And then that night I remember to do my practice. And then the next morning I forgot to do my intention, but I did my practice.
And I remember to do my intention and it was messy. It was messy, but it was working. And more often than not, I was here with myself. And I was like, oh, the more that I'm here with myself, the more I'm starting to really recognize what things are working for me and what things are not working for me in my week. And I started to realize how I was spending my time and where I was putting my time and where I could start to alter that time spent because time is non-replanetiable.
And I really do believe that time is non-replanetiable. It's our most valuable asset. So I was spending a lot of time watching Netflix shows, and it was funny because I kept saying that I want to be moving more. But then I would come home and I would watch Netflix. And we are so, it's common, right? It's like, I just worked all day and I'm so mentally drained. I can't. Like, I feel like I physically can't. I have 100% battery and not just took 80% of it.
And now I have to cook dinner and I have to do all of these things to be an adult. And I'm so tired, how do I do anything physical? That was where I existed for a really long time. But the more I started reflecting and setting intention, the more I realized I'm like, okay, well, let's just do five minutes. We'll just go outside and walk the block. Anything. Just do literally anything. And then I started to recognize that physical activity actually ignited more energy.
And then we'll come back to that. That's besides the fact I started to see. But I also started to see areas that were really needing attention. Like I was always drained coming home from work. And I'm like, okay, that's not a good thing. Like I get at that working hard is something that everybody is striving towards. We want to work hard. We want to look like we're working hard. We want to work hard. We want to, you know, prove our worth. My value is in what I can give you.
My value is in my output. And it's not true. Your value is you. You are, you are valuable as you are. But I believed in that. And so I was like, I need to pull back. I think a little bit at work. And fortunately that was an possibility at that job. So I was like, I think I need to get a new job. Oh no. And that was scary. But I was like, okay, well, let's just put ourselves out there. And as soon as I put myself out there, I was taken at another job immediately. I was like, whoa, okay.
Well, let's just try. So I left a job of seven years and I went to this new job and I was paid more and I was given more responsibility, but I was also given more, way more flexibility. And I was like, okay, that feels better. It's not great, but it feels better. I feel drained only three days of my week as opposed to five days of my week. And now I can fit a little bit more in. And I was like, okay, how do we start to keep, like how do we keep altering these things?
You know, and the more I reflected and set intention, the more I could do, the more I could feel when I was out of intention that I had set when I wasn't living in it. The promise I made to myself at the starting of the day, you can checkpoint that all throughout your day. And it's like, oh, I am not living in my promise. All right. How do I make a quick change to get back into that again?
And then reflecting on the day and just asking yourself what worked, what didn't, I gave myself three questions by the end of it. I made it really simple. It wasn't seven anymore. It was three. And it was, what was a highlight of the day when highlight? What was difficult or the most challenging of the day? And what do I want for tomorrow? So highlight one highlight, one challenge that I faced and what do I want for my tomorrow? What do I want for tomorrow?
So it was just making sure that I was taking those things into consideration before I started to think about my next day. And then when I arrived at my next day, I'd ask myself if that was still true when I was sending my intention because you could wake up and it not be true anymore, something else could come in. If I'm sick, maybe my intention of trying to get more physical activity just is not the right intention anymore. And it's more, I need to rest. I need to take care of myself.
I need to nurture. Yeah. Yeah. And that's still, I still do that today. That's one thing that I've carried on through this intention, exciting practice and the reflection and intention reflection. And yeah, just so it's super clear here, what does the intention setting practice look like? Is it just open? You get to decide what one intention, how does that look like in detail? Yeah. So it's one intention in the morning. I'll decide, okay, so what do I have for the day?
Because there's certain things that I, if I plan them, they're there. And I want to show up for those things. So if I have, let's say, a big day of meetings, I think this one's accessible to a lot of people who work. If I have a big day of meetings, my intention generally ends up being the same thing where it's like, I need to, I, I set an intention to eat the most sustainable and long energy foods I can eat. So it's like, oh, sorry, long term sustainable foods I can eat.
And like, words are jumbled there. I need the most long term sustainable foods I can eat. And what does that mean? The foods that are going to give me the most energy throughout my entire day. I don't want to be reliant on quick source or else I'm going to crash and I can't, I can't energetically show up the way that I need to. It's impossible for me. So I always look for my, my big energy sources, which is usually through food.
But then I also have simple days where I'm like, my goal or my intention today is to be present. And so I try and think about that as much as I can. I'll go on my walk with my dog every single morning and if my goal is to be more present, I don't take my headphones and I try and take in as many things as possible. So I'll be like, okay, if I notice myself getting lost in my head and my goal is to be present, I'll be like, okay, name five things around you right now.
And I'll name five things that are around me and I'll take a deep breath. And then I am here. And then I just ground into that and I walk and I try and film my feet. I try and film my eyeballs. I know that sounds weird, but trust me. Feeling your eyeballs as a thing. It brings you into presence really quick. And I just let that come up throughout the day as I, as I remember it and I always do it take, I mean, I think the.
It has to happen at minimum 10 times a day throughout the entire day where my, my intention will just pop in. And it's just like, oh, right, oh, right. It doesn't mean that I'm, I set the intention now my entire day is that intention. There's so many things happening in so many distractions. It's about coming back to it and living in honor of it. And, and yeah, letting yourself, giving yourself the grace to exist, but also exist in that.
I, there's something that I want to emphasize from, from what you're sharing that's so potent. Before that though, a, a little presence hack that I want to share is when you said feel, feel your eyeballs. And remind me of this two liner that just stuck with me forever and it was forget the world existed. So just forget everything that you think and believe about the world, forget the world existed. And then focus on the looking.
And that second half, especially I, I, I mean, I, I recall the whole, the whole context of get the world existed, but then focus on the looking that focus on the looking part has served me so powerfully just all, all that really means to me is like, focus on what you're seeing. See what you're seeing really see what you're seeing and the way that that zaps me into presence is so powerful. So I just felt called to show that one there. I love that. I gave me chills.
As soon as you said it, I was like, whoa, you, you do, that's real though because when you start focusing, it's like everything becomes into clear focus. You don't realize how, how zoomed out you actually are until you're focusing on seeing the things around you. And then you're like, whoa, oh, my eyes are up. They have a woken. It's an odd feeling to explain, but yeah, I love that. I love that. Thank you for that. Yes. Focus on the looking. Epic. I know. I hope it serves you.
And anyone else that hears this as much or even a fraction of how it has for me. Okay. So the part that I want to emphasize of what you just shared, the intention, sight and practice, the reflections and what I really took from that with regards to like how that has served you. You know, you mentioned the change in job and coming to clarity that that it was draining you. It was, it was not an alignment with what you were wanting.
What I really want to emphasize from that is you were able to cultivate this, this awareness of your wants and your needs only through this, this building of this relationship with, with yourself and your, on your heart. Yeah. Like, tuning in. Right. That's where we started, right? How do we, how do we tune into, to our heart and our soul and what we're wanting in that, at that level?
And it, it sounds like some of the, the first steps for you was again, building this relationship with, with yourself through these, these practices of reflection and, and intention setting.
So I'm really glad that we were able to kind of just like break that down, you know, someone can hear this and if they have no experience with, with practices like this before, they can, you know, whip what you've shared, put them into practice because I really feel like, again, it doesn't need to be journaling and it doesn't need to be voice notes, but some means of just getting in touch with ourselves, our thoughts and feelings is, is it creates
the, you know, that's the catalyst for the self awareness and that self awareness is where you'll know what is wanting to be tweaked and changed about your life. So change, I think, yes. That, that awareness precedes any change that we're going to make in our life, in alignment with, with our values and our desires and so yeah, I'm just really happy that you, you shared that practice with us.
Yeah, it's been so beneficial and, and one other thing I'll add is if you thought about something more than five times, it's, it's time to focus in on it.
If you thought about something more than five times, it's time to focus in on it, meaning like if I thought about how somebody's upset me five times, it's time to focus in or five, if it's fall, if it's bleeding into your life in a good or bad way, but in a good way, it's like, Oh, I really need to be grateful for that thing and that's one of my top run gratitude.
It keeps bleeding in such a beautiful way in my life or in the, on the harder side, the negative trauma in size like five times, it's time to actually start to look at a solution now because this isn't working. Yeah. And what I will add to that is that I, I'm just so sure that there's so many things that have popped up for, for us and for others, five plus 10, 20 times that we haven't yet realized is something that we've been circling around for so long.
Actually, I've been experiencing this rather recently because I've, I've been an avid journaler for, for so long and I, I think I kind of slowed down with it for a little bit. And recently in my journaling, I'm seeing things that are popping up and I'm realizing like, Hey, wow, like I've been thinking about this quite a bit, but I didn't realize how much I was thinking about it until I took that moment to really reflect on it. Yeah. You brought this subconscious into the conscious. Oh, wow.
But you only did that for sitting with yourself. I think it's the only real way. I mean, there's different forms of that sitting with yourself, but it's really the only way to, to bring forth what's happening underneath the surface and seeing it more clearly. Yeah, absolutely. I love that. So what do you do with it then?
Once, once you've come to that, that awareness and maybe you want to throw an example here of a change that you've made in, in your own life, once that awareness drops in and you, you see something more clearly. Maybe it's, here's this thing that's not serving me or here's this thing that I just want and it's time for me to, to start acting towards once that clarity comes in. Where do you take it from there? Well, this is so different for so many things. But it started simple just to be clear.
I think simplicity is really important. We, we tend to overcomplicate as people and sometimes it's just coming back to the simplicity of something that will help you. I'll go with the bodybuilding, you represented the bodybuilding competition, for example, so I'll come to that. That came up for me well, like way more than five times for me to do that. I had spent my entire life not thinking that I should ever, ever do something like a bodybuilding competition.
I got told that I had childbearing hips. There's no way I could compete. I didn't have the body for it. I didn't have to look for it. You know, all of these things and I internalized them and at the end of the day it was me. I was the one that was stopping myself.
It started coming into after I left that job into my mind of, okay, no, I think I might actually want to do this and it came in five times and I wrote it down and I put it on my wall and I'm like, all right, it's coming out of my brain and that's on the wall and I'm just going to, I'm just going to stare it down. You know, this is terrifying for me. It is a very vulnerable thing to do.
To put yourself out there in such a way and to show up in such a way, I was like, oh, I'm going to, if I do that, I am stepping into the light. I'm in the arena. Am I ready for the arena? And I just kept looking at it and I'm like, okay, now I think I, to get myself ready for that idea for a bodybuilding competition, I'm just going to do a 12 week mini prep just to see how I feel. And I talked to a couple of people about that and they're like, no, that's silly.
So, so I went to my wall and I made a decision and then I talked to people in a community that is of bodybuilders and they said that that was silly and then I should just do it. And I was like, okay, so I took that and I sat with it and I was like, okay, I'm just going to do it. And I hired a coach. I found a coach within a week and I was like, I'm going to do this and I want to do a longer prep. I made a decision that maybe I wasn't ready for like a quick roundabout prep of like short term.
That was terrifying for me, but if I gave myself more time, I felt like I could drop into it and I wanted a professional to guide me through it. I was at first going to do it myself and I'm like, no, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to really do this. So I'm going to hire a professional. I'm going to let them guide me through these next steps and I'm going to put my trust into this other person. And my side of things is I have to show up and I have to follow through and I have to do the work.
I am responsible for that. They're responsible for telling me what to do. That's great. I believe some of the pressure. That's one area that I can talk about is like, okay, I take this from here and I put it on my wall and I face it and then I talk to a community of people and then I make a choice. So awareness, reflection, choice. What was that journey like for you and how did you bring yourself to have that courage to take that leap? Yeah, that was terrifying all throughout.
It was to be clear. It got, it had moments where I felt so grounded in what I was doing and then other moments where I had no idea what I was doing. Having the coach was incredibly supportive of that journey. If I had let myself, and I want to speak on this for a second, if I had let myself just do it on my own, I'm not sure I could have gotten to the place that I did that first time. For the marathon, I feel really good doing this on my own and I'm not hiring a coach.
However, for that first major competition where I had never been brave enough to stuff into any arena like this one, having that guidance from an individual who knew like an expert, who knew what they were talking about, it calmed me in a way that I couldn't reach on my own. I was feeling unstable, I would contact him and he was like, I'm the coach, I know what I'm doing. You need to sit back and just just follow through. That's what you're doing. That's your job.
You hired me, you paid me money, your job is just to do the work. So you trust what I do and that's the end of it. And it was a little harsher than maybe I'm necessarily used to, but that was calming for me because it was like, right, I don't need to be in control of this part.
I was trying so hard to be in control of every aspect of it that I was getting disrupted and I was overloading and I was overstimulating and I'm just, and every time that that would happen, I would go to him and I'm like, I'm not sure that this x, y, z, I'm not sure I look good enough. Like I'm not sure that I'm doing things well enough.
I'm not sure if I am enough, I just kept saying that because I was so scared of showing up on that stage and not being enough because I was still battling with the fear of not being enough in general. And that just kept coming up because I was like, Oh, that's a wound. That's got to be worked on. Okay. And this is just making it more and more apparent every week when I'm checking in and I'm putting myself out there.
I made a point at every single check in every single week posting your social media. I'm like, I am not hiding even when I'm scared, even when I feel so uncomfortable with my body, even when I'm, I am not hiding anymore. This is going to be life changing for me. And I need to sit into that discomfort as much as possible. And some weeks it was easy. And other weeks I was, I mean, I wish Joey could be on this with me. He could be able to talk about it.
But I was like, I don't think I should post this. Like I just, I think I look terrible. He's like, post it. He's like, you already, you already got it ready? He's like, just post it. And then I would do it and then he'd hug me and he'd be like, okay, now you can feel bad. But you don't, don't delete it. But you need to, but you need to be here. He's like, it's okay. You can feel everything you're feeling. He's like, we have to show up. He's like, that's, that's your job here.
And it is to show up to the work. Follow through. You're not hiding anymore. You're the sun. You're not the eighth planet from the sun. You're the sun right now. You got to shine bright. Like you got to step into it. You're in the arena. And guess what? You're the only one booing you right now. So you need to step into the arena and calm and just show up. And it's like, okay. So that journey was brilliant because it showed me where my weak points were, where I was still needing extra nurture.
And the more that I showed up and the more that I got closer, that closer I got to the date of the actual show. And the more I started shedding, because I was cutting at that point, I was cutting. So it was literally shedding parts of me, a shedding fat off of my body, shedding fat cells off of my body that had probably been there for a while. You know, like it was like, it felt like an actual shedding the closer I got, the more calm I got into it. And it was wild because I had fought it.
I was fighting it. I was fighting it. I was fighting it. And then I started cutting and I was like, and now we're here and we're integrating. It was like a flat line of every single week. I'm like, okay, yep. We're a warrior. Like I'm a wolf. We're good. And I felt that in my heart. I was like, I got this. I've already done this for six months. I've got this. Whether I show up on stage and I win something doesn't matter. I've got this.
And I'm walking on that stage for every version of me before now. I've got this for me and them. I know everybody else, they matter, but not as much. It is so important for me to walk on stage for all of those previous versions of me that felt that I wasn't good enough, that felt that I wasn't enough. That felt that I wasn't deserving. I'm walking on stage for all of those versions of me. I've got this. And they were all looking to me. All of those versions that were like, are you sure?
And I was like, I've got this. But they had been questioning me the entire time. I'm like, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. And then finally, it just like, it just settled into me and I was like, I've got this. I just have to keep doing what I've already been doing because it is working. It's working. And there's proof in that in my physical outer appearance, which is like armor. It was so funny. Just like as soon as I started seeing the muscle show through, I'm like, look at all the armor I built.
That was immediately what I thought of my brain. I'm like, I'm a warrior, dude. Like, this is, I'm a warrior. And this is on me. Like, this isn't going anywhere. I'm strong. I've got this. And then walking on stage was terrifying because you're just like pretty much naked. I'm doing it. And that felt very much like cliff jumping. That was an adrenaline rush. And I cried after. I was so proud of myself.
And all of it felt as though every single version of me was there with me, just like, just like we were all together finally, and connected and like just pride, so much pride of like, oh, no, we've got this. Okay. What next? What next? There was just so many lessons from that story, that just being through for me.
One that comes up is the only way I think we can get into that state of or that you were able to get into that, that mode of, I got this was because you went through or you allowed the space for all of those other beliefs and perspectives to come up through the process, right? You didn't feel that way through the process, but you allowed for that to show up. You allowed for the I'm not enough to show up and you, you saw that and you processed that.
And I don't think we can ever come to that, that place of being clear and free of those, those limiting perspectives until we, we put ourselves in a situation. And this is what I think you did. You put yourself into a situation where it created space and invited those, those limiting beliefs up and out of you. Yeah. Yeah. I put myself through a major challenge in the safest way possible.
I put myself into great discomfort on purpose in the safest way possible so that I could see those and hear them. I'm not sure they could have translated through otherwise or that I would have heard them as loudly because I really heard them and I took the time to hear them. That was the, that's another important lesson for me was I first start, I tried resisting them like no, like try to combat them like no, I am enough. And then finally I realized I'm like no, I'm just here.
I need to hear them. I am not enough. Where is that coming from? Like talk about it. I want to like think of it more. What more is coming through because there's that's that's top level. That's pretty surface. What else? And so I just kept combating with that is like, and what else? And what else? And what else? And through hearing it and listening to myself, I was like, okay, now we've, now we're getting somewhere. You know, like subconscious mind to the conscious mind.
All of the other stuff was still back here. The conscious mind is hearing that I'm not enough, but the other stuff is still back here. So I got to pull this out. And that's, and I have to feel them. I have to feel them. Yeah. I think you just spoke really into how we, we, we held these parts of ourselves. It definitely, yeah, just really parallels my experience with transforming these, these parts and these, these limiting beliefs. One, yes, we have to feel them.
And two, we have to, we have to pay attention, right? We have to, to see them. And I think maybe seeing them come for a week and we, we start to feel it. And I think there's also a really important thing that you said. Or rather than trying to combat it with a, a affirmation or some other perspective or belief, they're definitely is a place for, for, I've got this and, and bringing that in.
But if what's coming up for you is I'm not enough trying to, the way that I, I like, feel and see this visually, I guess is the affirmation when it just doesn't feel true at the moment is just kind of suppressing and like covering up something that wants to be felt and seen.
And if we, yeah, if we, if we don't give these parts of ourselves the attention that they're, they're, they're asking for, then they just ultimately like keep getting suppressed and start continuing to play in that, in that background. That's the way that I've experienced that. So, yeah, they'll, they'll build up and then they'll leak out of you in other forms that you're not controlling. And what it takes is just truly genuinely hearing them. They just want to be heard.
That's what it, we all just, we want all of us have a common, a common goal of being heard, right? It's the same with our relationship with ourselves. I want to be heard. I don't want to ignore it. I want, what's my truth right now? And that's okay. It's okay to not feel like enough. That's okay. We're so resistant to it. And we're like, well, we have to feel better. No, we have to be successful. I have to feel good all the time. It's not real. We are brilliant.
We're human beings with the capacity to feel so many emotions at the same time. I can feel not enough and joy at the same time. I can have those two things. It's okay. It's okay. And it also doesn't need to dictate or define who you are. Nor does it need to define how you choose to act as your, as your story perfectly just gives an, you know, portrays despite having been feeling these, these emotions, you chose to continue to follow through despite that.
Yeah. If I could, that's why I kept telling myself if you can do one thing, it's just follow through, just like I'm being told, that's my job. Just show up and follow through. And at the end of it, we get to decide, we get to decide when we welcome that stage if we're not enough. And I'm like, I'm pretty proud of how I showed up. I was like, I, because I knew I worked for it. I showed up. I had, I had all of this evidence supporting the fact that I wasn't up.
Yeah. I had months of evidence of every single workout I showed up to, every single meal I prepped, every single hour I slept. I had months of evidence in favor of me being enough to walk on that stage, months of evidence. I'm like, in a court of law, I win. I'm enough. In a court of law, this is the truth right now. So here's the facts. And I have the data to support the facts. I am enough. And the action is the care to self-doubt. Yeah. I mean, I, an action is the motivator as well.
The motivator? Yeah. What do you mean by that? People think that motivation comes first and gives you action. Actions what gives you motivation. And then it cycles from there. Kind of feeds into each other. I was not always absolutely. Yes. I think there's a lot that we can say about the process of inner work and healing and shifting how we feel within ourselves. And that's 100% important. I mean, where are we? Like, of course, we know that's important.
But probably something that doesn't get spoken to enough, at least from what I'm seeing, is the way that following through despite, and this has a place, right? It's not that I'm saying this is the deal and all. It's a paradox.
But I think a perspective that I just haven't heard being shared as much, that there's so much power in, is how acting despite how we feel and following through despite how we feel it can be the very thing that creates the momentum and catalyzes the, that feeling of empowerment and shifts these feelings of self-doubt and I'm not enough. Yeah. I feel like there's just so much power to that. If you feel like you're not enough, the only way to combat that is to be enough. It's not funny.
That's the only way. So how do you be enough? How do you be enough for you? That's very unique to each person. It's very unique to each person, right? I think that comes a lot, that comes a lot. I think that comes through for me right now as having confidence set around your ability as opposed to your intention.
And so if my intention or my intentions, which are my core values, are to follow through for myself and to follow through for others and be this person, my confidence should be built around that, not around whether or not I can do a bodybuilding competition, but the bodybuilding competition will come through living in my intention. Does that make sense? So you're deriving confidence. Let's hear that once again. What do you find your confidence? What's that being derived from?
My confidence coming from my intentions, which are linked to my core values as opposed to my abilities, which are linked to my external output. So aligning, aligning with your core values? Yes. Yeah. I'm building confidence around that. I'm confident in the fact that I have follow through. I'm confident in that. I'm not confident in the fact that I can run a marathon today, but I'm confident in my fact that I can follow through.
And that confidence is what gets me showing up for my prep every week for marathon. And that's unshakable because it's grounded in core values. It's grounded with my ability. That's not grounded. I could lose a leg tomorrow and then guess what? I'm probably not running a marathon, right? Like it's one's quite unstable one allows for grounding. So that's another shift that I'm constantly working on right now, but I felt translate through from the bodybuilding competition.
Yeah. It's, yeah, I just, I feel like this more process oriented, focused, then, then the outcome, the outcomes grade, the outcome gives us something to strive for, but really we're the confidence with also the fulfillment and the satisfaction comes from the alignment with the process. Yeah. Yeah. How good does it feel to make yourself a promise and follow through on it? Pretty, pretty good. It's not pretty good. It's, and I can do that every day. I've got something I've access to every day.
That's so cool. That's so cool. I just, I want to really emphasize a, a earlier point that was made and it's, this can be done on such a micro scale, right? Like, you know, not everyone hearing this is going to go do a bodybuilding contest after this or should they? But what are these small ways, these small promises that we can, we can make to ourselves so that we get to experience this, this reward of self trust? Yeah. I think I'm ready for it.
There's a question, there's one question I knew I wanted to ask you and we kind of, I think we kind of touched on it a little bit, but yeah, I feel like I just want to hear your response to it. We said it before, you know, you did the bodybuilding contest last year and some would say that what you're training for now is on the opposite, the very opposite end of the spectrum when you come to types of fitness competitions. Let's say, why? So okay, this is funny.
The bodybuilding competition, I never believed I could do it. So I broke that limit, that limiting belief. And as I, I could do that. What else did I believe I couldn't do? I have never believed I could run distance. I have never believed I could do that. And I'm like, well, I guess that's the next one then. That was the first one that popped in my head and I was like, it was, it was funny. It was within a six hour period of time too. Joey talks about this, his hilarious. I talked about it.
I'm like, I think I want to run, I think I want to do something endurance wise. And he's just like, okay, like, what do you want to do? Like a half marathon? I'm like, yeah, okay. And then maybe like six hours later, I'm like, no, if I'm training for anything, it's going to be a marathon. I'm not doing a half. Like, if I'm going to dedicate so much of my time and energy and effort and fitness towards a half marathon, I might as well just do the full thing.
Like it's just, it's not that different training wise. So for me, I'm like, all in. Let's just, let's just go for it. I have never been a distance runner in my life. The longest run I had ever done previous to this was the Sun Run and Vancouver. It's a 10 kilometer run and that was like two, three years ago. We did it in a, like on a whim. We did one 10 K prior to doing it and then we're like, yeah, we'll just do the Sun Run now. And then it was like, who am I to do this?
And then I was like, who am I not to do this? Is that like flip of mindset, right? And so, yeah, after the bodybuilding competition and that limiting belief that I had with my body and what my body was capable of, I asked myself, I'm like, what else did I believe I couldn't do? And I was like, distance running. I believe I have so many injuries. I've dislocated by me. I've, oh my gosh, I've sprained my left ankle once. I've sprained my right ankle two times in three separate places.
I've broken both of my feet, like I have a mess of injuries from previous or I'm like, there's no way my body is going to be able to do this. And then I sat there and I'm like, I don't know that for sure. I've never tried. So I was like, I guess this is, this is the trial. And now my longest distance run has been 24 kilometers, which is not a small feet. So I'm like, if I could, that's more than a half marathon. Let's get closer and I'm okay. My body is okay. Our bodies are incredible.
We are incredible, as such as our bodies, as our minds, like what we're actually capable of and what we think we're capable of are two very, they're vastly different things. And all you got to do is one, one step more, one step more, one step more, keep going, keep going, keep going. You'll be mind blown, mind blown, where you get to. So just to really put this in perspective for our listeners and you know, I'm in off, I have it right.
The reason why you chose to train for a marathon, the reason why you are training for a marathon is because he didn't think you could do it. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. What better way to overcome your limiting belief then to literally prove to yourself that you are beyond that limit? Yeah. It's the only way. You don't know until you've tried it. I could easily try to run the marathon and it not work. That's okay. At least I know I tried. I like look how far I've already come.
Like if you had asked me three years, two years, one year ago in the bodybuilding comp, I would have asked, I was absolutely not. I was so focused on the bodybuilding competition though. If you would ask me if I could even do a half marathon, I would have said no. And I've just surpassed the half marathon distance, right? My mind is already at a place where every long distance run I'm doing from this point forward I've never done before.
These are, this is new territory every single week I'm training now. Is that not wild? That is wild. And it would. And every stuff I take past that distance that I've ran, the week previous, I'm like, oh my gosh, I've never run this. And I get, it's so interesting because I'm tired by that point. And then as soon as it's like, oh, we're in like new distance territory, I get a burst of energy and I run faster every time. It's like, oh, and now we're awake. This is where the race begins.
We'll stay the idea that our bodies are just capable of so much more than we might imagine. And there's only one way to find out. There's only one way to find out. And like you said, whether you do end up running it or not, the fact that you just broke through perceived limits was made possible because you were open to the possibility. Yeah, exactly. So powerful. So powerful. We're so powerful. You're so powerful. We are so powerful. We are. It's so funny though, right?
Like I'm not exceptional, not unique. I just have very good follow-through. Because that's my intention with myself. That's my intention. That was trained. It's trainable. Yes. It's trainable skill. I was not going to follow through to start. I was not and I can all I can own that. I did not follow through for myself for a very long time for years. And now look at me. It's trainable and all you need is patience and grace and love and understanding.
And you'll get there and it'll just keep improving. I know that mine isn't even as good as it can be. And I love that idea. It's like I will consistently improve on this as time goes. That is amazing because look what I've already accomplished and can only get better. Like whoa. Until I die, like I can only get better. There's no limit.
The other thing that was just really coming through for me here is that these intentions and these aims, the reward that they truly have to offer us is the... the growth and the transformation that takes place in the process. Yeah. Oh yeah. I've started to actually use this by setting goals, not necessarily just based on what I think I want in the end, right? Not just setting goals to fulfill some desire that I have, thinking that when I have that thing, I'll be happier.
Yes. I've started to set goals based on what I feel like will invoke the growth in me that I deserve. So it's been reverse engineering this. Like who do I want to be? What qualities do I want to embody? What kind of character do I want to embody? And what are some of the things? What goals can I set for myself that will bring this out in me? Yeah. Yes. Yes. It's not about the end goal. It's so funny. It's not about the end goal. It is.
I mean, you follow through to get to that point, but the process, what it opens up in you, what it reveals to you. Oh man, I love that that's what you're doing now. I love that. That's such a beautiful way of thinking about it. And I think that's successful to everybody listening to. Who do you want to become? Who do you want to be? And how can this goal encourage and cultivate that in? Well, either way we come out. We come out winners when we approach it like that.
Yes. Yes. There's always lessons that translate out. I don't know about you, but I find it come like a month after. It's like your brain has to like download and process. Like the windows loading screen. It's like, yeah, you downloaded a lot of lessons throughout and you know them and then it does this and then at the end of it, it's just like everything that we can send you and you're like, whoa, I learned so much more than I thought that I did. Oh my gosh. I feel it. I feel it.
Okay. I, um, let me check in here. Yeah, there's one other. I feel like it will be a perfect way to just kind of like bring this all home. Why does mindset matter? Oh, oh, oh, your mindset is what creates your limitations. Your mindset is what creates your limitations, right? Your mindset is what creates your values. Your mindset is what creates your beliefs.
Your mindset, if given the opportunity, can create things in your life that you could never have predicted because your brain tries to envision and predict where things will go and that's limited. When you expand your mindset and allow it to be everything that it is in all of its glory, you expand past that tenfold. So you're being challenged. Your mindset can get you through any single challenge that you're going through whether it's physical, mental, emotional, doesn't matter.
Your mindset can get you through that. Your mindset can also take you down deeper. You have to choose what depth you're going to. Am I going into depth of love? Or am I going into depth of petrion self hate? And it's powerful either way. It can destroy you or it can build you into something that is beyond the way. It can't build anything that you can ever imagine. But it is so powerful and every day you cultivate that it matters.
It matters because it will help you decide and decide for what depth you're going to each day. What depth am I going to? Where am I going? Where am I going? I almost don't want to even say anything to dilute that. I feel like Probs just offering just what's coming through for me and hearing you share a lot. Might add some valuable perspective to it. It's this, I feel that our current mindset dictates what we believe is, is possible for us.
In our current mindset, what that entails is what we currently believe is possible. And that's what we'll experience as being possible. But when we open up and expand our mindset to greater possibility, like possibly being able to run a marathon when you were never a long distance runner or doing a bodybuilding show and you were told that you didn't have the body for that. When we open up to open up our mindset to that greater possibility, then those possibilities become possible for us.
Yeah, yeah. I think Tony Robbins is like the one that says, if you've told, look for everything red in a room, you'll find everything red. But if I ask you to name something blue after I asked you to look at everything red, you won't be able to name anything blue because you're so focused on the red. Right? I think a lot of ways what we're doing is is training this mindset of possibilities. What could be possible? Could this be possible?
And I think one of the messages that we, their lessons that we derive from your story and what you've shared today is that one of the ways that you expand on that, that sense of possibilities through action and follow through proving to yourself, you are beyond what you once believed yourself to be limited to. Yeah. But the dash of humility, I'm always make sure you dash humility on free, from a little recipe you bring into your life. I'm not the best runner.
I have a lot of humility in that, okay? But I am a runner now because I made it possible for myself. I could not run 24 kilometers when I started dash of humility there. I could run one and I had to walk. Now I can run 24. Dash of humility at all times, right? It's just remembering I'm good at this and I also have lots of ways I can improve and that's okay. Beautiful. We're going to do it. We're going to jump into the ascending round.
These are a series of quick-fire questions, quick responses, or speak forever, I would be happy with that as well. You ready to jump? Question number one, what book? What book have you read that comes closest to being a mustard? Oh, there's a few. Okay. I would say Brenny Brown daring greatly. That's my, that's my, that hit home and I can reread that one many times and I find a new negative truth for me every time I read it. Nice. That's one I haven't read. Oh, it's gorgeous.
Looking forward to it. One new practice, perspective or lesson, have you integrated or have been integrating in the past six months that's been having the greatest impact on you? I would say improving myself, over-proving myself is the biggest one that's coming through right now.
So I found myself in a lot of ways and a lot of times without thinking about it, trying to do things like quickly or trying to do them really great or trying to outwardly show myself in a way that I wasn't, I liked it was good, but I wasn't, I want to improve myself, not prove myself. So when I'm showing up in any format in any way, I want to make sure it's from the mindset of improving, not proving, like I don't, I don't have to prove to you that I'm a good person.
I'm improving myself to become a good person or I don't have to prove to you that I'm the best squatter and I, I can do five plates. I'm improving myself and today I'm lifting with one plate. You know what I mean? Like I, it's, it's the practice of humility, improving myself, over-proving myself and being conscious of that everywhere I go. What does it mean to ascend?
Hmm. I believe it means growing into the highest form of ourselves until death, the highest form that we can become as a human being in this round. I understand that people think that we go through a few different rounds to uplevel our souls. And so my idea of ascension is that continuous improvement or the continuous pursuit of becoming your highest self until death and beyond. How do we ascend?
Living in our truth, continuing to grow even if that means slowing down, opening our hearts to the people around us and loving genuinely. I think it's out of the courts love for ourselves and the world around us. Yeah. Hmm. I got one grand finale question for you. You've, if you've heard the show before, you know it's coming, but are you ready for it? I'm ready. Asha, you just actualize the ability to telepathically communicate to all of humanity. What do you say? I love you. I love you.
You are loved. You were loved. You were loved. You were loved. And if I have to say that I'll repeat for 80 hours until people believe it, I will, I will repeat that message. You are loved. You are worthy. You are so much more than you'll ever know that you'll ever believe until you die. Like it's just, you are meant to take up the space that you are meant to take up. You are meant to be here. You are. You are. Yeah. I love you. I may not know you. I don't. I don't need to. I love you.
And that's unconditional. I'm not loving you under the condition that you lift me back. I'm not loving you under the condition that you're good at something. I'm not loving you under the condition that we meet. I love you because I have the ability to because you are worthy of being loved. And I say that in truth because that is who I needed. That's who I needed. That's who I needed. The person that loved me. I love me now. And I also love you. And it's because I love myself that I can love you.
Sunders, that is going to be all for my conversation with Natasha. I trust that it was able to inspire in you a remembrance that we are so much more capable than we've considered ourselves to be. Because our mindsets can either be our greatest limitation, creating the perception of limitation or it can be the very thing that allows us to evolve beyond whatever thought was possible. And through training, practice and follow through, we can discover this for ourselves.
Before you go Sunders, if you enjoyed the show, I would so appreciate it if you took a moment to head on over to either Apple Podcast or Spotify to leave us a review. And if you haven't yet already, invite you to subscribe to the show on YouTube or whichever podcast platform you're listening to this wrong. And lastly, I want you to think about somebody in your life that you believe in. And would love to see believing themselves the way that you do.
And share with them this episode to support them expanding their mindset and their belief in who they are, what they're capable of. Sunders, that's going to be it for this episode of Awakened. And thank you for tuning in. And for being here on this journey, on this planet, at this time, in this moment of our sunshine, and until next time, keep presenting. (gentle music) (gentle music) [applause]