Hello and welcome to Authentic on Air with Bruce Alexander. And I'm your host, Bruce Alexander. My guest today is Robert Rubin, a dedicated community builder and education programmer. More about Robert after today's reflection. How does balance affect your identity? ADHD is my superpower, kind of with the ability to deep dive hyperfocus, learn practically anything and work for hours and hours on end. I'm the perfect project developer. However, I play more than one role.
I'm a husband, a father, a friend, as well as many other things. If I don't set boundaries and allow myself to be held accountable by others, I can become so consumed by one role that I completely ignore all the others. It hurts to hear my spouse tell me that I haven't been a good father as of late. But what is much more damaging is continuing in destructive behaviors, because I didn't have the self-awareness to listen to my best friend and partner when she tells me I'm messing up.
How do you face your life's responsibilities? Are you preemptive with firm boundaries? Are you overburdened with people pleasing? Are you evaluative with trial and error and open communication? There isn't a wrong answer as long as you are aware of your weaknesses and being honest with yourself about their implications. In full disclosure, as I sat at my computer writing for this episode, I had an argument with my wife because she didn't feel like I was pulling my weight.
This is really hard criticism for me. I am not emotionally intuitive in intimate relationships. Feelings cloud things for me. Pretty severely, and the emotional accuracy I'm able to apply to outside situations completely abandons me in a conversation about emotion. I ask for ones and zeros, fully aware that that is not fair. Emotional math and logic do not compute.
So now I have to spend the rest of my day trying to convert our emotions into some sort of practical thought model so I can figure out how to move forward. Chasing my passion and fulfilling what is necessary as a member of my family unit. It is important for me to share this because I want my audience to know that I am always being authentic. It is not a game to me. This podcast is a space I have created for vulnerability and honesty.
I can't ever facilitate that space if I'm hiding from the truth. If people tune out or tune in because of it, it doesn't really matter because the space will remain safe for just that. However, I do believe people appreciate honesty and even when it's not pretty. I appreciate being told the truth. I hope that I'm right. And if it's not, I'll keep on doing it anyway. At least until I can't afford to do it anymore. Now that that's done, you guys know how to find me on socials.
If you want to chat more about that topic. I know I generally intro my guests with lots of complimentary words and touching stories about how they have affected me. Unfortunately, my endless well of close colleagues and friends couldn't last forever. At some point I was always going to have to start interviewing people. I don't really have personal relationships with. Although we do not have a deep history together.
I have networked in the same circles as Robert before and have even attended a small group lunch with them. My brief exchanges. I did glean a few mental snapshots to call upon. Powerful, dynamic, gregarious. Persuasive. In reading his bio, I know that these particular traits are backed up by evidence. As a CTO of policy, Robert oversees innovative, impactful programing for over 18,000 students, changing the OKC educational landscape.
Powerful. As the president of Scissor Tail Community Development Corporation, he brought a diverse range of experiences into creating better outcomes for the most underserved populations of Oklahoma. Dynamic. His engagement skills have helped in establishing some of the largest community events in Oklahoma and our music festival, says Petraeus, OKC, OKC, Cinco de Mayo and the Anita martinez Maria Tree Festival. Gregarious.
He also led the campaign to establish a permanent Mexican consulate in Oklahoma, a move that I personally know was very important to a lot of oxy's Latin population. Persuasive. All that. And we have just scratched the surface of this passionate mariachi musician and stage four cancer survivor. I'm so curious to learn more about Robert Arias and I'm very glad he is here today.
Welcome to the show. Robert It so if you wouldn't mind in your own words, can you tell your list of my listeners who aren't familiar with you, who you are, what you spend your days doing, and why you think I invited you to be on the show today? And when you say you want to have impact, what is what exactly does that mean to you? Absolutely. What was your childhood like? Did you have access to those type of things? can you tell me in your own words what authenticity means to you.
and it's interesting because I hadn't even thought of that, that tie in to how I view authenticity about, you know, about being genuine and yourself thinking about an event like that. I could see how authenticity would be very important both to the people that it's, you know, it's supposed to the end user and to you yourself trying to put it on. And so I think that, you know, that brings up a few new questions.
First, how hard is it for you to be so focused on making this, you know, whatever event it is authentic and also be authentic yourself? Because that's that's a whole different battle whenever you're trying to do things to you know, I've set up events before. I understand how you have to rub elbows and talk to the right people. And sometimes then opportunity comes to sacrifice yourself to get the thing that's going to be right for the event. Is that something you've ever struggled with?
So which one did you choose? Which path did you take on that? I And so you lost the bigger sponsor. You know, a chance to help increase the reach of your event? Absolutely. Yeah. That's definitely a hard decision to make. Staying kind of along the line of authenticity. Something I I'm having this like really ever long struggle with is appropriation.
So, you know, me being part of a minority culture, I have also I've been both been outside of that culture, not accepted by that culture, still respect that culture and you know, and believe in the growth that is going on there. But I'm also a part of like overall American culture, Like, I'm pretty entrenched in that as well. I was raised around white people like that become that became my normal for a very long time.
So whenever it comes to somebody saying that something's appropriation, I often get stuck. You know, I've been on both sides. It's it's hard for me to say, you know, you talking about keeping your event authentic, I feel like there's something that exists that's not and that it's that is to kind of serve that appropriate and appropriate audience. Can you speak to that at all?
And I guess the one thing that comes to mind that I can think of as I watch this cooking show with my daughter and correct me if I'm getting this wrong, I believe it's on she does Naperville that so. Yeah, it's a what you need. What you need. Okay yeah. And the just the traditional dish was made in that specific city in Mexico. Yeah. And there was a, you know, a specific corn that is like, not it's not really accessible everywhere. And I was like, this is really cool.
And I hear about this guy who's, you know, who's making it in America. It's a white dude. And I'm, you know, kind of conflicted. But then it goes into the story of how he traveled down to like this family that's been making it for 50 years, stays with them for a time, learns the process, respects the process, sources the corn, helps provide them with some items that help make their process.
I think it was like a a corn meal and like a trip here for us and like, you know, some things that were like a little more advanced to help them be able to scale their stuff up more. And I think actually he ended up bringing in the daughter who was in the show at the site at the time to come work for him in America, you know, help keep that legitimacy in a situation like that. I can't fault that at all. Yeah, he respected the product completely from beginning to end.
He respected the people who had created it, got permission, you know, and then carried on all the way through having somebody there with him to, you know, really help amplify the voice of the culture and of the dish, you know, something that is beautiful and delicious and people should know about. But there are still people who would say like, that doesn't belong to you. And yeah, I'm I can't get mad at somebody who is much more connected to that culture than I am saying that that feels bad.
It's just, you know, like I said, it's kind of confusing. I think that access part of this, you know, the intention and the access are two things that if they're I think I'm going to just stop listening to the noise and accept that person for, you know, having the right intention and going forward and trying to bring attention to something important. You sound a lot of words like you've done. You've done a lot work.
And he also had a lot of titles of all of the titles and the boards and positions you played in your different roles in life. What position best aligns with your identity as you sit here today. That sounds beautiful. Yeah, Pretty gentle, actually. I also have four kids there. So they're still kids, though. Yeah. I was going to ask more about Mariachi later, but where are you on the topic?
So can you talk more about for those who don't know what it is, what mariachi is and what it's meant to your life? What do you think that says about your culture versus like traditional American culture that mariachi is? It's a top 40 thing. It's something that is like I hear it being blasted on radios. And I was at the doctor today and I heard they're listening to mariachi music on the, you know, little radio behind the stand. That's that's pretty uncommon as far as, you know, folk music goes.
And so would you say that's part of the strength of the Latin family unit is the the adherence to tradition and the focus on history. makes it. Yeah. The collective disconnect with you know, something solid. Yeah I. I think that can bring an entire world together because everybody feels that way at some point. That's my next question. That, thinking about what you said about imposter syndrome, you spend a lot of time in front of lots of different kinds of groups of people.
What are some of that like? What are the thoughts that you struggle with as you're going to talk in front of the entire student population or you're going to the I remember you talked at the Hispanic Association and, you know, I don't feel any of that. So that good job at covering it. But what are some of those thoughts that cross your mind before, during and after you have to speak to people? Sort of silence is where I get you.
And that kind of brings up a question we've talked about before on the show, and that's how much of your self are you willing to sacrifice for either the greater good or for your own dreams and ambitions? Sometimes you have to, you know, whittle a little bit of yourself away to fit into the thing, into your your dream job or something that you feel like will serve your your purpose better than what you're currently doing. How do you do you feel like that's an authentic thing to do?
there's a difference between sacrifice, pushing yourself and letting situations and experiences shape you into a better version or a more rounded version or whatever. Sometimes it is like the example you gave speaking out in the, you know, in the correct way versus being the person who, like always says directly, what comes to your mind as soon as it does? That's not how you really operate.
And in most group settings, especially not in something as professional as a board, you don't get to just talk whenever and say whatever you want. It's not always time for that. And that's something that, you know, that's a specific example of something that I had to learn through my professional career, that sometimes it's just not your time to talk. And initially that felt like I was, you know, being shut down. And I was I wasn't respected. I wasn't valued.
There may have been some truth to that, but I also wasn't respecting the process. You know, I homeschool my kids, but I tell them, you're going to be times in your life where you're not going to be sitting at the kitchen table like we learn. You're going to have to, you know, if you go take your SATs, you're going to have to go to a room where you have to stay silent and you have to follow the rules in order to get that next step in order to enter college. So is that the way that we always act?
No. I encourage them to move around, do whatever they need to be able to, you know, pay attention and get energy out, whatever. But that's not always going to be the case. And you have to respect the systems that you are that you're interacting with and work within their rules in order to be able to be effective and get the things that you need from. person. I just had a question and I kind of was thinking about what you said and I kind of forgot my question.
Speaking of trusting processes, can you tell me if Schwarzenegger is in a situation of trusting process on that? Yeah, I would say so. You know, there are promises made and there was a process agreed to be on at the very beginning of that project that weren't followed. Let me let me ask a broader question for those who know. I've never heard about what was going to happen to Crossroads Mall and what the goal was. And you just kind of lay out awesome where we're supposed to be.
was. The key metrics set up to start, you know, our KPIs. So were you just destroying those? And they still weren't doing their part? And was this income per square foot occupied or income per square foot available? Because I mean, one of those is going to be much better than the other one because your occupied space is is much smaller, not much smaller, but it's it's much more reasonable to add that with a dollar. And so and.
Paying you more per year is much cheaper than putting in an arena, putting in, you know, absolutely like building all that stuff out. So they thought maybe we can just throw a little money at him. Maybe he'll hush up So what's your perspective on that project now and what was it then as far as do you wear it as a lost or do you wear it as a badge of honor of you, you know, stuck with your integrity, try to do the right thing and they weren't willing to beat you up.
So you had separate was a new word as a loss. I wish I had been more successful And that area I did, I did learn a lot. You know, it was. Difficult to navigate because I've been used to that. Point being. An entrepreneur. So I was I always been the boss. You know. I had always been in charge of the projects that I had undertaken. This is one of the first times where I was actually working for somebody else, right?
And so and where I didn't have complete autonomy over decisions made during for, you know, during the process. And so it was a learning experience for me. I do consider it a loss because. Because. Of those things that I fear did come true. And the fact that. What I still think is prime real estate sits there empty. To this day. And so. You know, I haven't. Really kept much tabs on it since then. But. You know, hopefully something positive gets made out of it.
And, you know, I'm really grateful for the fact that one of the deals that I did. You know. Participate heavily in was was the selling of the anchor to center. So and so I'm excited that that still persists to this day. They have thrived in that space. Of course, they could have been a really great part of something much. Grander in that. Property. And so we'll see what you know, what the future holds for that. But but. I'm also not afraid to. Lose. That's the thing.
Like I'm not one of those people that's going to be like, no, that was on loss, you know, You know, I held to my integrity, my values, and and I just walked out like. No. One in quite like that. You know? But I. Just I knew that that that the situation wasn't. Sustainable. you said, you you wish that you had been more successful. What could you have done? I think. A lot of it is. Being. More persuasive, laying out my case in a better way and to the to the ownership groups.
I think that they made the best decisions that they could make with the information they were being given. And so and I wasn't always a part of that process of of the information that was given. And so that's always a frustrating thing, is that sometimes people make decisions based on. The the. The information that they're being given. It's not that they have any sort of negative. Attention right now. I see it happen all the time. And I think it's easy and.
And maybe sometimes a cop out for us to say. well. They're just bad people. Who's not the case? You, the vast majority of people out there are not bad people. You know, even if we don't agree with the systems that make or the things that are going on, these are smart people that have had success in other areas. Sometimes they haven't stayed true because it's a new situation. They didn't stay true to some of the things they knew needed to happen in other places.
I mean, they weren't afraid of making investments in other properties, you know, And so something here was different. I so, you know, I wasn't always in the position to be able to communicate that to them. I wish I had done better with the relationships there. To. Where I was in a position to be able to give some of that information. But like I said, someone with learning experiences, I mean, you know, you know, people. Are. Are vastly different and they come from vastly different areas. And we.
Need to be able to learn how to understand people and how to how to make ourselves. Understood. And we have to take the onus upon them when we're not understood. Right. So I think because of. That is why. I say I could have done a better. Job, you know. But I have to be able to recognize that, to take it forward, to say, okay, if I'm ever in these situations again, then I'm going to do a better job of this. And I did. You know. And so it was a great learning experience for me.
And like I said, just because you lose it, that's not a negative thing. I think people are too afraid of losing or failing. I think a lot of time we've all failing. But you can't. Be afraid to fail because a lot of times it also keeps you from. Doing. Anything in the first place. You know? So you're always. Afraid to fail. Then you're just you're not you're not going to try many times. You know. And I think so. And so I embrace that. You know, I'm not afraid to. I'm careful not to.
And I'm a good steward, especially when it comes to other people's resources, especially as I move into the nonprofit world and now into higher ed, which is which is a government organization, a state organization. I have to be very. Very good steward of public resources. I as a nonprofit and a steward of community resource donors and grantees grantors. And then on the state side, a good steward of taxpayer money, essentially. Right. So those decisions have to be made with a lot of care.
And and I also have to go in and be able to analyze and say. Do. We need to be doing this? Do we need to be spending these dollars? Is this duplicating efforts? So, you know, some of these maybe things we might think of boring, but they're but they ultimately are some of the most important work that we do to be good stewards of that. So so yeah, I. Mean, it was just a learning experience.
I would say. And. And I think I think for anything that we can look on, where were we didn't get the outcome that we wanted to. We have to not be afraid of. Of, of. Saying that we failed. And and. Be able to learn from that because if we if it was always somebody else's fault and we're not learning anything. And when I brought I think you have another situation that I've heard that has happened with you.
You had a handshake agreement with a location that I'm not going to say location, not because I don't want to out them. I just I don't want to say the wrong one and being correct. But you had decided on a prize or I think it was the Cinco de Mayo. We had done the Cinco de Mayo celebration And there was basically a agreement moving forward that this was going to be the prize for the foreseeable future. Right. And so go. Ahead.
Which to me says, that's exactly what we were thinking, and now we're going to blame them for figuring it out. Yeah, well, I agree with that part of it. And I've I've, you know, been through similar situations before. And how did you deal with that? I mean, it makes you feel kind of crazy whenever there's just, you know, this completely irrational thing that you're trying to figure out.
You know, you're talking you're consulting with mentors and other people who are saying, and this sounds pretty wonky, like unless there's something we're all miss. And it sounds like this is because you're brown and not you can't prove it. You I mean, these are the situations we're faced with often is like this is the world we have to go out into and do business. And sometimes somebody just not willing to work with you because of how you look. How did you deal with that?
It's a very you're very emotionally immature. You know, I'm in I'm almost 40 now, but I am trying to be emotionally mature. But it is not something that comes with age, It comes with work. It comes with, you know, knowing yourself and trying to do better. And not everybody takes the time to do that. A lot of people just move through life, letting the emotional maturity be where it lives.
And for you to, you know, have taken these, you know, pretty hard lines and looked at where you could have done better is really impressive. So kind of switching back to your role as a musician, you have your musician side and you're other many have their service minded.
How does that dichotomy exist between a performer, which is generally a kind of selfish thing, Like the attention's me, you know, like, listen to me and like all that stuff versus being in so deep in the service organizations and trying to give back like, does ever. Do you ever feel unbalanced in that? where I sit, American society kind of reads a multitude of views on one's responsibilities to their culture.
Well, as far as my experiences have shown me, the Latino community is of all different backgrounds. It's a high priority on improving conditions for Latinos in whatever ways available to them. Do you find that to be accurate and do you think it is? If I'm right. I think that that's been my experience. I think that Oklahoma City. Is. A young Latino community. We've only. Recently grown to the size that we. Are. By recently, I mean like the past 30 years, right?
But at the same time, I think as a community, we have. Been doing a. Really great job of lifting up and developing new leaders. Right. There used to only be like a handful, but now there are many people that are representing our community in many different spaces and in a very positive way. And so to me that that fills me with a huge sense of optimism. Because there. Is this focus, it seems. Of. Members of our community trying to have a positive impact on our. Community, you know.
So I do feel like it's all very intentional. I feel that there are. Many of us that are trying to build capacity in others. And then. Trying to try to deliver the message within our community that we are capable of solving our. Issues, right? So especially when we're looking at major problems within our community, it's looking at OC. Do we wait for somebody else to fix this for us, which is probably not going to happen? Or do we take the initiative newness ourselves, Right?
What's stopping us from doing this? What are the obstacles? Are they real obstacles or are they imagined right? If we don't have a capability of doing some of these things, and where do we find the capability. To do it? Yeah. Where do we get the knowledge, the education, and how do we tackle these things and. If. This is the problem, then how do you how do we slice off smaller. Pieces of that? How do we. How do we break these off into. Issues and then use.
Our relationships with other people in the community to organize around these issues, take action and try. To. Fix something or to build something, try to create a new institution. You know. We're at the point as a community where we're able to build our own institutions. Right now. The festival, you know, fiestas parties are coming up. You know. On September 17th. And it's. It. In and of itself is it's is an institution. You know. So our celebrations have become institutions.
We're building our own organizations are all nonprofit groups. You know, we went through that process of community organizing or new financial institutions. And now. Now we're. Creating financial institutions where we might have better access to the that we need to build wealth within our. Community. Right. And and so so yeah, I think there is a concerted effort, maybe not as organized as we would like it to be.
And then, you know, sometimes there is that feeling like, okay, well, who gets credit for this and who gets credit for. That and who. Is being lifted up in the community? Well. If you can. Put that aside and if you can put the egos aside and whether you get credit for something aside that are some real, really, you know, big things that can be done for the community.
Yeah. But it's also hard because, you know, in and me being authentic, you know, with myself too, is that if I do something, I put a lot effort into something I do want to credit. I want to be recognized for writing. It's hard when you put years of work into getting something accomplished and then people forget that you were even a. Part of it. Like like all. Of a sudden, you know, something gets approved and then. It's like. Then then everybody jumps on that. And.
Jumps in at the last minute like, I am, you know, I'm doing this, I'm involved with this. And, you know, I made this happen, was like, well, you weren't even there in the process right? Well, it's good to hear that you are human. You do have a little bit of weakness in you. And I definitely feel that. Yeah, I'm definitely not the first person to say, look at me, look at me. Whenever I've worked on something hard, I want to be associated with it.
You know, I want to as much as I want the thing to be successful more than I want to be successful. I still want people to know that this is something I put a lot of time and, you know, work into. And I think that that's most people and the people who don't feel that way, like I, I respect the heck out of them, but I don't really get it. Why did you ever really care if you are able to not you know, it's kind of like raising a kid.
You know, you you put everything into it and you hope for its success more than anything else. Yeah, but you still want everybody to know that's your kid because you're proud. I'm going to move to a different section because we could talk about that all day long. Yeah, we wouldn't we wouldn't really get to know all. I mean, we're never gonna get to know all Robert But there's other areas I'd like to dig into a little bit.
So as I speak to Robert, Robert reviews as he sits here today, would it be correct in saying that there was a time that there was a question of whether or not you would still be allowed to sit here today? the way you're going to tell rest of this part just a little bit. Like as much as you're comfortable, can you describe the roller coaster of emotions and uncertainty from the time that you start to that it might be cancer diagnosis and until remission? And on Saturday. But there are people.
But but. There's those out there who, like. You I appreciate you being able to see pretty close after the damage that could be done by being inauthentic. You know, a lot of people don't think of that unintended consequence of putting on a brave face is that you're giving an unrealistic example of what would work. Going through something like that looks like. I mean, it hurts and it's different for everybody.
You know, there's a variety of experiences and for some people it may not be that hard they might, you know, it's like I did chemo three times and after that, you know, cleared up. And it's not it's not generally the case. And if it wasn't the case, sharing something, you know, contrary to that is is unfair to yourself. First, you know, we talked about this a lot on the show is it doesn't give the people who love you a chance to be supportive the way that they need to be.
And it also is unfair to somebody else who's going through the same thing and is like, well, that's not what it's like for me. Like, is there something wrong with me? And that's, you know, being being the most yourself that you can can be helpful to so many people because sometimes being strong enough to and be vulnerable and share that with others. If somebody else the power to be able to push through.
So, you know, I appreciate that I time mean big, big thoughts big deep thoughts during those the those days where you were having, you know, the most you could do was just survive the day and things got kind of dark. What was most important to you? definitely. Thank you for sharing that one. I will tell you that on this show we are huge advocates for Neurodivergent. Like I said, I'm ADHD. My last guest, who's one of my, one of my best friends, has a son who's, you know, on the spectrum.
And it's something that's very important to me. So I appreciate you sharing that story, for one, because I know that that it's hard to talk about. It was hard for me to hear because I have a son I love very much. And, you know, that's a that's a really tough thing to even imagine. So actually living through it. And you did. And that's that's an important part of that story, is that everybody lived through it. And that's beautiful. But I'll drop a link on autism on the show notes.
And also if you know anybody who's being bullied and needs help, also a link, a drop, a link about that because bullying, we've learned so much more about the long term effects of bullying like it may not be today or tomorrow that somebody tries it in their life because they've been bullied. It might be years down the road. And if we can get those people help out so early, maybe, maybe something better can happen for them.
And and that's that is definitely you've definitely been through some stuff. So a question that popped in my head is a big part of. Authenticity to me is self awareness in one hand, but I immediately start to think, if that were my son in that situation, how hard I would be on myself. Like knowing what I know now, I would try not to do that. I would try not to question what I did wrong, how I could have stopped this.
Were you able to be kind to yourself in that situation and give yourself grace, or was that something you struggled with? what's amazing. I keep him knocking me off my, you know, my feet with the, you know, the honesty. And that actually made me think so. I mean, we both come from cultures which traditionally being vulnerable is not considered man. You know, the Latin stereotype of, you know, machismo and, you know, being very manly.
And it's very similar in black culture that men don't talk about feelings. We don't, you know, this is something that as a as a culture for my generation, we're starting to grow out of it. But it's still pervasive. How like how do you balance those two things, like everybody expects you to be and who you know, you need to be to be the best version of yourself for you and your family? Absolutely. As I start to round this thing out to a close, been a fantastic conversation.
I could really keep it going. But I want to respect your time and the time of our audience. So is there anything I didn't ask you about today or any clarifying remarks about anything that we talked about or anything that's not on your bio that you want to share and talk about? All right, Robert, if first let's ask what is what does the future look like for you? Do you have any short term, long term projects you're working on that you want to share?
was another thing that was on my list that I wanted to get to today. But there's so much talk about so much meat on the bone. probably in late October. I've got quite a few episodes in the can already. This has been a very good one and I am and I will share all your stuff about Petraeus and anything else coming up because I really do understand how important it is the work you're doing. So where do you where do you live online? Where can people find out more about what you're working on?
If they want to find out more about our resource, they go. well. Thank you very much for being so open and honest. It was truly an amazing conversation. And to our audience, if you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a follow it like and share it with someone you think might enjoy it too. Also, check out earlier episodes and support the future creation of great content. Don't forget to go over to authentic identity management on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.
And we're also on YouTube at Authentic Group's YouTube channel for podcast video and bonus content and impactful clips from my conversations with all these great guest. Robert, thank again for being yourself and sharing so honestly and vulnerably with the authentic owning our audience. And finally, if you are struggling to show up as yourself and your content, your work, your family or your life, I would love to help you.
Authentic identity management does identity coaching to help you align yourself the identity share with the world. It's exhausting to love someone else's life, live authentically, and access the potential that belongs only to you. You can contact me on social or email at Bruce and authentic Identity management dot com and we can set up a free 30 minute discovery call. Thanks again to our guest and to our audience out there. I love all of you guys and I ask you, please be yourself and yourself.
Hi, everybody.