Hello and welcome back to Authentic One Air with Bruce Alexander. I am your host, Bruce Alexander. Welcome to the Thunderdome. This is my studio for the time being in the basement of my Aunt -in -law's home. It's a beautiful cabin, but this is my tiny corner of it and I'm not loving the studio setup. It's a good thing though. This is uncomfortable. It is, I'm in a state of discomfort being in this place that is not my own. Why is that good?
Discomfort is the phase before growth in order to get the thing you have to be uncomfortable for a while and right now the thing is the place where my family belongs So this has been a great experience of getting to know my aunt -in -law and her you know her children and her husband well like Loved it really have you know excited to spend a little bit more time here, but it is just uncomfortable enough to make sure that we are
really out looking for houses or we're really ready to pounce on the opportunity whenever God provides for us. So anyways, today I wanna talk about the burden of leadership. You must be a fool if you sign up on purpose to lead people because you are just begging to disappoint them. That's me, put my hand up, I want to lead people and I wanna talk about that some today. First, let's catch up.
Body. So out here in the sticks in this cabin that we're staying at, there's a, you know, like a rocky style workout bar and I got going out or going on right now, some really old school weights, heavy enough to feel like I'm doing something real again, but not too crazy to where I can injure myself. So I've been doing a little bit of lifting and, you know, keeping the walking going and I feel, I feel old as shit.
Like I'm not gonna lie, but I start, I'm starting to feel like, brief moments of power and that feels good. I forgot how good it feels to feel powerful and you know, I'm excited that helps propel me forward to keep doing this stuff because honestly, sometimes it doesn't feel great but feeling that brief moment is helping make it all worth it and then seeing the incremental improvements like being really present in the facts of today and seeing that there are things that are going right.
It is hard not to still look at myself and see the body that I hate, but the body that I hate is still better than the body it was two months ago. So it's not the body I want, but it's better. I have to keep digging in on that and keep working on that. My being, my relationship with God is getting better and better. I'm stacking daily, I'm praying more consistently, I'm having open conversations with God and I'm starting to bring my family into that more.
Today was the first time I prayed over my wife and I was really, really nervous to do that. But she was struggling and I felt like my lack of spiritual leadership was doing her a massive disservice. So I needed to step up and help provide some clarity for her and show her my faith in action. And it was a really positive result. So that's great. And that also goes into my balance. My relationship with Kate is, you know, it's still tumultuous at times.
There is still a lot of trauma that I have inflicted upon her that has to be undone, but the healing is well underway. We've made it across the country. We're now in Auburn, New York, and she did a lot of things that she has said I can't to get us here. Like her growth throughout this trip has been phenomenal, and I've been really appreciative of that. I've been... you know, really supportive of her along the way. And that has been my goal.
So I'm really excited about having stuck to that goal and have maintained support for her. So that's balance business. Business has been, man, business has been kind of weird. I kind of had, I've had a couple of false flags recently. One thinking that there was some, some drama coming my way that didn't actually exist. It was my own stories getting in the way of like progress with one of my clients. And I stacked that, worked through it, showed up in truth.
And we had a really, really great session that produced some really great growth for my client. So I was like, okay, that's great. That's what happens whenever you, you face facts and live in truth is that you were able to take those things that are scaring you, those anxieties, and you're able to turn them on their head and actually use them to provide growth. And that's what happened with her.
But then on the other side, I had another client who I thought I was making really great progress with. and come to find out like, you know, the basis of everything that we do is tell the truth, live by the code, stop fucking lying. And meanwhile, every time I'd ask him about his finances, you know, how are things going? You know, the things that we've worked on, as the money started to come in, he's like, yeah, things are improving, things are going pretty well.
Come to find out his card has been declined for the last month and a half of sessions. Now that's my fault for not being on top of my finances. Isn't that something that I'm glad got exposed now why I don't have that many clients because if I had 15 clients and four of them weren't paying I wasn't on top of that.
That's a lot of money I'm losing out on I still lost out on a lot of money and I hope that he's gonna pay me back But if if he doesn't that's an expensive lesson still but I take responsibility for that But I'm more upset not about the money but about the fact that I thought that we had we had this special bond of truth that we were sharing and he was growing and starting to implement these things in his life.
Knowing that this big lie has been out there for, you know, pretty much six out of the 10 weeks that we've been seeing, you know, that we've been in sessions together, makes me question all the work that we've done together. And that makes me really sad for him and for his family. Like I was that work. was about him getting closer to his wife, him getting closer to his children. That's important work.
But if it's based on a foundation of lies, everything that he's done is probably gonna fall apart because now he has no foundation of truth to move forward with without me. And like, I'm not kicking him to the curb, but he's said now that I called him when I was like, man, I see that your card has been declined for the last two monthly payments. Like... we had to get this figured out before we move forward.
And he's like, yeah, you know, there's due financial hardship, not going to be able to continue. It's like, that's rough. I understand why it's, it feels like a luxury to pay in personal investment, but the amount of money that he has increased since we started working together pays for me easily. So it was worth it at least for that. And the amount of. depth in his relationship that he's gained is just, you know, it's just icing on the cake. But people don't look at that.
They look at that one payment and what am I, what am I doing today versus looking at how our collision has changed the trajectory of their life forever. And if he was actually living in the truth, he would see that, but he's not. And I don't know what level he is. And you know, I have to take.
responsibility for that as well because if I had been digging deeper with him in sessions and then with my own finances, I would have seen that and that would have been a collision that we could have had and that goes into the leadership part. I'll talk about that again in a minute as well. So that's body being balanced and business all taken care of that's caught up. We are in Auburn, New York. The journey is going well.
I've announced to Kate that I think that we're going to find a house this week. I'm announcing it to everybody who listens now all 10 of you. that I think it is our house is going to appear for us very, very soon. And this is not our forever home or anything, but this is our next place to stage for the next month or two to find the place where we move all of our stuff up for. So I think that we're gonna find that the next seven days that has been put placed on my heart and I'm announcing it.
I'm believing it's already happened. I believe that's what God has for us and I'm just acting in faith. Like that's what this is all about. and it's scary and it feels kind of goofy but at the same time it also removes a lot of anxiety from my heart so just talk about it. So anyways that's all the catch -up stuff. I wanted to talk about leadership because this keeps coming across my plate.
You know there's you really have to be a special kind of nut to want to actively sign up to be a leader not only in your family, but in your workspace, in your career, and then to try to be a leader of a movement on social media, it's nuts. Like, I don't know what I'm thinking, but at the same time, I also know that I've been called. Like, there is a voice inside of me that says, you have to do this. Whenever I'm not doing it, I don't feel right. I feel off.
Whenever I'm doing it, and I'm doing it well, whenever I'm... I have done all the stuff I need to do to show up as my strongest self and I go into that leadership position, then it feels amazing. It feels powerful and it feels like where I belong. But it is a process of doing all the small things right, showing up consistently for myself to then be the leader that is needed. That's a lot. It is a heavy burden. And then on top of that, that's all the stuff I have to do to prepare myself.
There are a lot of people who are not ready to be led because they don't live in truth and they're not willing to look at the truth. And a lot of them attack me on social media. They come at my physical appearance. They say, you know, on TikTok, I have a guy who was just trolling me for days on end, like 30 comments of nobody wants to, nobody wants to watch your videos. You should just quit. Like, I don't know, maybe he's a killer or something. I don't know.
It was pretty bad, but like, I know that whenever you have, God's urging like the calling to support you. What some no name, no posting person says has no effect on me. Like it is, I'm not gonna say no effect, briefly it does hurt. Like I'm a human being obviously, but then whenever I think about what I'm doing this for and all the people who are hurting, who need somebody like me to help them out of the pit of their darkness, I'm like, fuck that guy.
He's, you know, not only, Is he any like just as broken as I am? He is more so broken and he's so far behind the curve because he's not even looking at what's wrong with him. He thinks that it's me. He has no idea how broken he is and that's that's that's sad for him. Like so I'm not going to let that person sway how I feel about myself. That doesn't mean that I'm not going to get down and disappointed and depressed in my in my own actions because that happens.
Being a leader does not mean that you never feel sad or you never feel like not leading. It means that you do it anyways. It means that you continue to step up to the plate and try your damnedest to lead the people you are trying to shepherd to the promised land, wherever that is. I want to lead ADHD parents to trust their inner voice again. I want them to learn to silence that inner critic, except for when it's useful for them, and learn to hear their inner voice.
and to move with purpose and passion to do things that actually fill them for their lives instead of them following the neurotypical standard, the status quo and doing things that make them feel a little crazy every single day. It's a terrible life to lead. And what's the worst part about it is it's so easy to embrace comfort.
as they like the panacea for all your problems like well at least I don't at least I'm not broke sometimes like honestly not bringing in that much money right now is so much better than showing up to work and having to be a slave to a system for people who hate me they hate everything about me they don't understand how I think work act or anything and they don't care too because I'm not like them people don't like different like as much as money
As much as people try to protest and say different, very few people in the mainstream work culture care for different. They would much rather just make you act like them. And if you can't, they would want to, they want to put you on the outside. I could never do that again. It would like, it would, it would rot me from the inside out. Once you see what it's like on the other side to invest in yourself and really try.
to do something important for the people who are counting on you, it's a game changer. Like, I couldn't go back. So that is one kind of the burden of leadership is just the knowing that you have to do it because going back to doing something else is, it's not possible. Another burden is like leading in your family is knowing that if you don't do it, the likelihood of anybody else doing it is almost nil. And then if they do do it, you're going to feel like shit.
Because whenever you are called to be the leader of your family, you know it. Like whether you acknowledged or not, you know. And so a couple times in my life, whenever somebody else has stepped up, my oldest daughter has been one who has had to be the person who's led in situations because neither of... us adults were doing it. That feels terrible. My wife does not want to be the leader. She wants to be my partner and me be the vision maker and the decider of the big things.
But I have not done that in many situations. So now whenever I try to do it, she doesn't trust me. It's like, you know, muscle memory for her to like... tense against my leadership because she's so used to having to carry the load of I really just avoid of leadership. Like she has admitted herself, you know, pretty openly that she has not good at leading in that state. She's just there's too much fear for her. She needs certainty.
And I'm good at providing that whenever I'm doing once again, doing all the small things to show up in a place of power. But not only do I have to provide certainty at this point, I have to be just impossibly, not impossibly, I want to like just hyper consistent because I've done so much damage. There's, you know, 12 plus years of being a bad husband and boyfriend that I have to undo and be consistent on for her to trust my leadership. That is a big burden, but I accept it. I want it.
I desire to lead this family. Not only do I desire to lead this family, I desire to lead my clients. And leading clients is, I don't know, it's both better and worse as far as the burden goes because clients, you get them for a session, you give them homework, things to do, to take with them, but the pressure is not on for you to lead your clients all the time.
You need to show up in the time that you have shared together and be the best version of yourself, be able to hold space for them so they can have clarity and confidence moving forward in their decisions. That's all great. But the problem with that is you also only have that session together to reinforce those things.
With my family, they see me doing the things day in and day out, over and over and over, showing up, working out, doing my... my daily writing, stacking every day, praying every day. They see me doing it over and over and over again. And they see the difference in me. My clients see me once a week. My longest standing client, he's seen the difference in me, but he's known me the longest. So he knows that it works. So that gives him some buy -in.
But still, we only have one day a week in order for me to impress upon him how to implement that into his life. And that's hard. And there's you carry the burden of wanting this person to succeed and there's a lot of personal responsibility in that. And then also in that you have to be willing to go into their darkest space with them so that they can grow.
If you're not willing to talk about the hard dark stuff, then they're not going to be able to move past it because that's why they have a coach is because they haven't been able to move past it. And so like, yeah, that's, that's it. I want to keep it under 20 minutes now. I'm just going to end. under 20 minutes because I don't want to commit so much time to this at this moment on this during this move. I just want to make sure I'm getting a podcast episode done.
I'm talking about things that are important to me and I'm engaging with the, you know, the few of you who are still listening as I've pivoted this show. And if you're still listening, thank you so much. And if you are wanting to find out more about living your impulsive life, I would love to hear from you. You can contact me. You can still. email me at bruce at authentic identity management .com.
Haven't said that in a while, but also you can set up a free consultation where I will provide you with at least three, at least three techniques or strategies to start to uncover the impulse of you. That means releasing the fear, regret, guilt, shame, and all that stuff that is almost inherent with being an ADHD adult. You've lived a hard life and you need some help uncovering what you were actually supposed to be doing. and I would love to help you with that.
You can go to www .impulsive .life forward slash consult for a free consultation and I would love to do that with you. Until next week, I'll talk to you then. Goodbye everybody.