Taylor Doe Takes Over My Podcast and Interviews Me!!!

Hello and welcome back to Authentic on Air with Bruce Alexander. I'm your host, Bruce Alexander, for now because I have a very special podcast partner with me today taking over my show. Taylor Doerr is here. Interview me after today's reflection. How comfortable are you trusting others to collaborate? This is something I used to really struggle with. Whether I signed up for the partnership or got volun told the process would be the same.

I would set mental expectations and then work myself to death trying to do it all. My experience was generally that one. No, they did not have the same expectations as me because I am an insane workhorse workhorse who has crazy expectations for every project to my fear of their performance made it much harder for me to deliver in mind. Three. Trying to avoid the conflict I thought was inevitable gave the impression that I did not want to work as part of a team.

What I have learned since is that the same thing that has solved most of my issues solves this one as well. Authenticity. Being open and honest about my expectations allows my team to meet me where I am at or allow me to be shaped by the situation. Being self-aware allows me to understand that my hyperfocus gives me to set really aggressive goals, which might not be feasible as part of a team.

Embracing my strengths grants me acceptance to take on larger responsibility to achieve ambitious results. I want to hear what experiences you have had or what fears have stopped your collaborative enterprises. So go to the episode to reflection and authentic identity management on Instagram, Facebook threads, or LinkedIn and let me know you can type collaborate in the comments if you want me to reach out and set up a free 30 minute call to help you start collaborating with confidence.

If you love the space we are creating or want to help advance my mission of making the world a safer place for authenticity, here are a few ways you can support this. Show me Review and tell me what you think is great needs work or you would like to see more of in the show. Follow the show on your favorite podcast platform or on all platforms. Use and use that share function in an episode of this show to someone you care about or post about it on your social media feeds or in your stories.

Those are all free ways to support the authentic mission. If you are uncomfortable being a spokesperson for authenticity, you can be a financial backer of authentic mission by going to Patreon and searching authentic on air with Bruce Alexander and signing up for a membership. I am dedicated to the work of this member of this mission long term, but I would love your help and more quickly making the world a safer place to show up as yourself.

Taylor Rado and I had a great conversation back on Episode nine where he was an outstanding guest. I'm not going to do much of an intro to myself because Taylor has one for me, and I've written a few questions for the episode that will definitely let me talk plenty about myself. So for now, I step back as your host and handed over to Taylor, though, for an authentic takeover. Let's go Bruins. Thanks for having me on the pod. I want to do something a little bit different today.

As you've already mentioned, I want to take over your podcast because I want your listeners to hear maybe a side of you and some stories that they might not have heard before.

You have had some really amazing guests on and you are an amazing host, and so you're asking these questions, getting to know your guests about what I want to do today is kind of take over your podcast and kind of sit in your chair a little bit and ask some questions of you for you to be able to authentically share, Like I said, some stories that you don't typically share on the pod about your life and some of your experiences,

those amazing intro on collaboration, because that's what we're doing and I'm sure we'll get into that a little bit in our conversation. But I kind of want to do another little intro. So Bruce, welcome to the Authentic on Air podcast on your take over host for the day, Taylor Dell. Today we have an amazing guest. His name is Bruce Alexander. We have him on the pod. So welcome, Bruce. Hey, man, thank you for having me on my show. I'm really excited to do this.

Like, I think it really is a great way for me to show a little bit more of myself to the audience. Yeah, I would love to kind of start and we'll kind of start here. I'd love for you to share a little bit and give a snapshot of your day. Like, What are you doing? How do you spend your time? What are you passionate about and kind of this season of your life? Yeah, I think that this podcast is a big part of what I'm doing with my life right now.

I'm really focusing on trying to put my authentic self out into the world and create more room for people to be authentic. And that is really my main focus. I want to help people in doing that, both by just creating this podcast and putting it out there for free and also through coaching and, you know, helping people accept their identity and be authentic in how they how they share that in the world.

I do work a lot, which is weird from not from going to a job where like I went to work all the time and being home now all the time, but I'm still working just as much, if not more. I also spend a lot of time with my kids doing homeschooling with them during the day. That's like, that's half my week. Either half is working in podcast business and yeah, that's that's the main things I'm working on right now. I love it.

And I know that you've you've shared this on the pod kind of another spaces, but for now, I would love to kind of ask you, like you have this podcast called Off Authentic on Air, and I would love to kind of hear your definition of authenticity and then kind of roll into the reason why it's so important to you. Like the name of a podcast is a big deal as you know, right? And so, like you chose a specific word for a specific reason.

The one I would love to kind of be your definition and then to like what was what was the reason why you like chose this word? Like this is the thing that you're going after in this season of your life. So like, I'll refer back to the intro a little bit. You know, I talked about being self-aware so much of my life. I didn't realize why I wasn't connecting with people. And a lot of it had to do with not looking inwards enough, not, you know, putting a lot of blame on other people.

Everything was wrong and it was never my fault. And that was not that was something that wasn't very genuine about me. And I not even really know I was doing it. Once I started to figure that out and I started, you know, figure what was going on with me. And this like ADHD for me played a big part in this role that I didn't like. I was just missing some of those social cues and I wasn't able to learn from it because I didn't know I was missing.

I just thought that, you know, there was something wrong and I just there was nothing I could do about it. Once I learned that about myself, it became really important for me to to kind of share myself upfront and say, Hey, these are some of the things I'm dealing with. I, you know, for whatever reason, this connection is important. So I want to give you the information you need to be able to to meet me halfway or meet me where I'm at or not. Like, that's okay.

Not everybody wants to meet you where you're at, but I want to give people the opportunity to do that by giving them the information upfront and letting them make their own decision versus making it for them. And, you know, trying to hide parts of myself. And that that's the biggest part for me is the self-awareness. But it's also embracing my strengths and faults. That's like that's a big part of it.

You know, there are things that I'm good at and there are things that I'm that I'm bad at, and I try really hard to do things that I wasn't very good at, to try to make other people happy. And in doing that, I really just I never made them happy. But I also came off an air of being fake. I wasn't trying to I was trying to be something I wasn't. And that's fake. Like, that's that's the whole thing is like, I wasn't I didn't think I was a fake person, but I was being a fake person.

So that's that's what authenticity is to me is like really being self-aware and accepting yourself as you are doesn't mean you can't you can't be aspirational to be a better version of yourself that you can't want to grow. I think that that's part of it. It's the very important part of is embracing yourself and loving yourself enough to know that you deserve better.

And once I was able to look at myself and embrace myself, I started wanting better and I started attracting better relationships and a better quality of relationship with my spouse or my children and whatever, because I stopped hiding from those things that scared me. What really made it a huge deal for me was the I like looking back, the just the stacking and stacking and stacking of these experiences that were building up.

And I wasn't like really finding a meaningful connection outside of like my marriage is obviously a very meaningful connection. But that was different. And even that wasn't as deep as it could have been because there were parts of myself I was hiding and once I started to accept those things, that relationship got deeper. Other relationships, you know, the people whom I let in quickly, like I was like, Hey, here's what's going on with me. Here I am hiding those.

Those relationships became deeper. I have friends now, like I've never had before my life. Like I've got friends who support me and who cheer for me and, you know, who want the best for me whenever, before, like I don't even really like I have no friends from before. Ten. Well, I can say yeah, before ten years ago because I and it's not that I didn't meet the people, I just wasn't in a place to actually cultivate a good relationship because I didn't know who I was.

And so what I see from from this side is that you're creating a space through podcast, through a podcast community, and through the community that you're building for people to start that self-reflection, is that would that be accurate? Yeah, absolutely. I think it's really important to for me, like, I'm not saying that this is everybody's journey, but for me it's really important.

Like, I think I've lived experiences and I've got the training and I've been through just the right circumstances to make me a really, really great facilitator of authenticity. Like I've felt what it's like and how dark and lonely it can get trying to be somebody you're not.

And I've I'm on the other side of that now, and I really appreciate the quality of life and I want to share that with other people and I want to give other people a chance to partake in both my authenticity, but also start to uncover their own and other people who also are more on that side. And that takes continued support as well. I well, I love that kind of aspect of like what's happening now that the the process you're in, what you're creating that.

But I would love to kind of like can we like give the listeners like a journey of how you got to this point? So can we just start from maybe the beginning a little bit like where are you from? Like, have you moved a lot? Have you lived in the same house for 50 years? You know, like what? What is what is your story? Bruce Let's start from from the beginning. Like, where are you from? I'm initially from Oklahoma City, but I have not lived in the same spot at all.

The my earliest memories are of a little like I was born in Oklahoma City, but we lived in Chickasha early in my life and my dad has a very, very, very strong connection. You could say like unhealthily strong, like I'm not joking. Like he makes like it is so important to him that everything be filtered through the lens of Chickasha. And that's always been really hard for me because he's set that as barriers to our relationship.

Whenever, you know, later on in life we moved to south Oklahoma City. My parents got divorced after a while. I was 11 years old. I moved to Tulsa with my mom.

We've lived in six or so different houses while I was in Tulsa and I wanted to move back with my dad at one point as I was a teenager and I was not happy with my situation because what teenager is and my dad who lived at North, like in north Oklahoma City and the Northwest OKC wanted me if I lived with them to commute to Chickasha to go to school. That is the the craziest thing I've ever heard.

They have a 17 year old driving 45 minutes to go to school and he also wanted me to play for the football team because I was a decent football player and he wanted me to he wanted me to represent him there and be like, that's that's Bruce's son, which, you know, we had the same name. So yeah, he would know it.

Which, you know, I appreciate that you want to show off something you're proud of, but to the point where he would not let me come down until I agreed to go to Chickasha whenever there was a high school that was like a really, you know, great reproach right around the corner. And I was like, can I just go there? And no, I couldn't. So that didn't happen. And that wasn't the only time that Chickasha was set as the barrier between us. So did you.

So did you end up going that route that you know now you say that, Yeah, I stay with my mom. Is it like that was even even then I knew that, that was not healthy. I was like, why would I need to drive 45 minutes every day sometimes, you know, like, what if we had bad weather, right? Like, that's just like, if I was living out in the country and the only school was 45 minutes away, that's one thing. Yeah, but there's like 15 schools, like just off the highway between here and there.

And I was like, Yeah, I don't think I'm going to do that. And that didn't feel smart. So from there I did. I stayed in Tulsa, I did eventually moving with him whenever I started college, I went to, you know, I got into OSU and I was still commuting. I was commuting from basically making the same commute minus 15 minutes. I was driving from northeast of Kansas City to O.U.

And that was obviously a struggle of and I eventually ended up moving in with some quote unquote friends down there to continue going to school and stuff. Got pretty far around at that point. Yeah, I you know, to sum it up pretty briefly, got in with a crowd who had money and had a had opportunities that I didn't have. And I was behaving that way. I was behaving like somebody who had money and it was going to be able to get out of any trouble that they got into.

And whenever that happened, I wasn't able to. So, you know, I've I've, you know, had some time doing drugs but ended up having a warrant out my rest. That was the first time I felt like I was actively running because I knew this stuff. And I left, you know, I got kicked out of school because my grades weren't there. I wasn't showing up. So I was late every day when I did come. So I got kicked out of O.U.

And instead of just like, facing the things I'd done, I went back to Tulsa to stay with my mom and just hit. I went back to work, my high school job. I did everything I possibly could to just really hide from life. And eventually my mom found out that I had a warrant out and she took me to Norman to go to jail. I only spent like 16 hours in jail. But that is not fun, not a great experience. And also having your mom take you to jail, not a great experience.

She was right, but it still didn't feel very good, you know? And then from that point, I had also had student loans that were starting to come calling. So all this anxiety was was putting pressure into my life. And I just proceeded further and further. I had this I was on probation. I got off, you know, fairly good for having been somebody who was actively dealing drugs at one point. And I just got off, you know, probation for two years and then parole for like another year.

But that made me feel like I felt like a criminal. And I think I accepted that mindset not that I wanted to go out and commit more crimes, but as if I had no worth. And that really affected how I behaved for like the next ten years. And yeah, act like an idiot. Yeah. No, thank you for sharing that. Can you, can you explain a little bit of maybe the feeling or the thoughts you had? You kind of mentioned this, this idea of running or hiding, right?

And maybe that might be a connection to some of the listeners and for people who, like, might be in that season right now, like what? What were some things that you were thinking in that time when you were were trying to hide? Was it this feeling of like maybe like, hey, if I push try to push this far enough away, I can push it out of my mind. Yeah.

What were some of the things that you were you were experiencing then? So. Like, if you know anything about ADHD, you know, the object permanence is a big thing. It's like if it's if it's out of sight, out of mind. So I would if I'd get any mail or anything about my loan, like I would immediately, like, throw it away. I would, you know, I would just put all the emails like in the spam.

I would really just literally hide from the you know, it's like if I just act like it's not there, then it's not right. Like everything's fine. And the same goes with, you know, the fact that whenever I initially got so my house was raided whenever, whenever I owe you because I thought I was like this huge drug dealer and wasn't like, you know, I was a dealer of some degree at one point. And when they raided my house, they said, you know, you can give us somebody else, somebody bigger.

And this could all go away. And like I said, yeah, sure, sure. I didn't really have anybody like I wasn't like this, you know, this El Chapo that I was sitting on right there was another guy that I went to school with who did have a pretty big connection, but he was just another kid. Like, I wasn't going to give him up like that and it wasn't out of you know, this like strong loyalty or anything. I just was like, it's not his fault that, you know, he's the guy I know, but it's my fault.

Like, you know, because we knew that they were coming. Like we said, like our neighbor had told us that there was an unmarked car going through our trash. He doesn't know what we're doing, but we need to clean up our act. And we did for a while. But I let the people who were around me behave in a way that said, like, I didn't care, but I knew I was going to get in trouble. Like I knew it was coming. And I still I stayed there for one. Instead of getting out of that situation.

And that was kind of a pattern for me, was letting other people make their decisions for my life. And I think that for me, having done a lot of self work and looking back at my story, I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I was raised in a way where fear and guilt were masters of my life. There was a lot of reward and appreciation whenever I got like these objective goals. But I didn't I didn't feel like I had any work or value. It was all about getting these things.

And once I moved out and was on my own for the first time, I didn't know how to actually make decisions that were good for myself. I had no idea how to do it. So in that vacuum, I let other people come in there, strong personalities who didn't really didn't really care about me, but they cared about using me. And when people like that have control, they make they make decisions that are going to not end up well for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But as far as the hiding it, it didn't make me feel better. Like, that's that's an important part I keep coming back to in my life is that those there's tendencies to hide and lie and try to, like, make everything seem better than it is made me feel worse. Like every everything I did to try to, like, put that thing off made me feel more anxious, made there more lies and harder to actually identify with people because it was just more and more baggage blocking my my connection to other people.

And like, that's a big part of why I'm so I bought into being completely honest with people because I felt all that different stuff blocking me. And it's really, really is so real. And then did you see was there kind of a you see that there's kind of a snowball effect? yeah. To that. Like over, over the course of time of maybe a little light here. I'm not fully authentic or I'm trying to hide and I push this away and and this snowballs

it. Well, what are your thoughts on that when you've either one, your experience or other people that you've seen with a snowball and it gets really big. What is maybe some some thoughts that if if some listeners are going to feeling in that moment of like my snowball is is way too big at this point you know like I'm trying to hold this back or what Like what what are some of your experiences that you have? You started to kind of chip away at that snowball.

Yeah, I can definitely say that, you know, you know, as the snowball grows, it gains momentum and the farther it gets down the hill, the harder it is to stop. And that's just what the momentum plus it's gaining size and mass and speed like all these things are building up because you're instead of like doing things to slow it down, you're just adding more stuff to speed it up, which makes it harder when you're ready to make it, you know, to stop it.

Yeah. So yeah, I definitely agree that, that the snowball is a really good analogy for it. And for me it just became so, it was so much speed in my snowball that it was I was no longer able to act like I was okay. I didn't realize that I was doing stuff that didn't line up with what I was saying. My behavior started to like starting to betray me. I was doing stuff that was like, Are you okay? I was like, No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. I was like, Are you sure?

Because you're not acting like you're okay because the the person I was acting like wasn't lining up with a lie to any degree anymore because the lie was too complex, it was too complicated. There was too much there that I was like, you can't. How many lives can keep up with before you start to fall apart? And, you know, it took a long time to really figure that out is just, you know, you get like decision fatigue and you get paralysis from like that anxiety.

I just didn't do anything for a long time. And my wife is really you know, if it wasn't for her, I'm sure I wouldn't be here like I was doing I was living like I did not want to be alive until, you know, she she was in my life already. But she kind of said, like, I'm not going to sit here and watch you kill yourself. Basically. And that was that was the first time I was like, Well, yeah, like, yeah, but that's the if you put it that way, that is, that's, that's kind of intense.

I don't really know I was doing that. And that's like, that's whenever I started to like look at what I was doing. It still took a long time before I ever really started to embrace myself with. With kind of a snowball, announce that we're using and talk about how that impacts relationships around you. Yeah, like the snowball and how that, you know, was like, do you have any siblings or anything?

Or maybe, you know, like how they interact with that impact of relationships with your parents or even a significant other of your spouse? You know, like those things. What was, what's kind of the ramifications of a snowball kind of with those things in regards to religion. So I think that, you know, in this snowball analogy, like I'm in the center of the snowball and as I'm rolling in, this snow is accumulating on the outside of me.

It's creating more and more distance between myself and anybody else. And that was definitely what I felt was that I felt like it was harder and harder for me to reach out to other people to say like, I need help because I was building more and more of a, you know, this thick protective layer. At least I thought it was protected, but it wasn't protecting me. It was just it was just insulating me from other people's outrage.

And like, I'm definitely the first to say that I have not had the greatest family relationships where not a lot of we have a lot of trauma. Like just my mom's mom was very, very cold, very, very narcissistic. And my mom, if she's not a flat out narcissist, she just took on a lot of narcissistic traits and so a lot of that relationship was hurt. But for me to perform for her to be her source, to be, you know, the thing that she needed and that's not what your parent is supposed to be.

And my dad was also he just he loves me so much. But the way that he expresses that love is by exerting control like he wants. You know, he's like, this is what you should do. And it was never like, this is a piece of advice. It was it was a social imperative. I didn't do what he was going to do. Our relationship was going to break down. And that just created more anxiety. So it's not that everybody else was so impossible to get along with, with what I was going through. It just made it worse.

You know, I didn't until my wife, I didn't really have somebody who was like, just there for me and really just one of the best for me. Whether that be what she was suggesting or not, it's just you just care. And, you know, but like you said, the snowball analogy just really just made it harder and harder for me to reach out to other people because I was just encapsulated in this, you know, this snowball of lies and deceit. It's all coming from that, like kind of swinging the other way.

You graduate college or you go to college, you have the things, things happen, go through probation, all of that. You kind of said the next ten years. Let's talk a little bit about like let's start kind of turn the corner of like, how did you meet your wife? I'm kind of curious about that story and kind of like maybe some of the things that started to change over the course of time. What was what was that like?

So like I said, I went back to Tulsa and I worked my high school job, which was a place called Wild Oats. Wild Oats in Tulsa, which got bought out by Whole Foods. And I was I was there during that period and there was a it was a job that I enjoyed. It was fun. I thought I was good at it. But once again, being ADHD, like, you kind of have these delusions of like grandiosity, like, I thought I was much better at doing things than I was. And it's not that.

Let me take them back because it's like I was good at things, but it was the way that I got them done was definitely not what they wanted. And some of them were just unacceptable. Like I was super slow setting things up and that whenever you're like, you have a limited amount of time to get to the counter open.

Whenever I was a meat cutter and you can't just get 2 hours of extra overtime coming in early to make it look perfect because you know that like I made it look really great, but it's like, yeah, but you're taking 2 hours, like it supposed to be a 30 minute. Yeah, I was like, But it looks great.

It looks great. And I, I, it took me so many times of getting that same, that same feedback in different ways to actually understand that, I have to be fast and, and that is something that is I wish that I'd understood what ADHD was for me earlier because I knew that I was ADHD whenever I went back also. But I just thought that that meant I would of struggle to paying attention to things I didn't care about a lot and I was going to be like, I really didn't understand how much it affects.

Like I didn't I didn't understand what executive function was first off, and then I didn't know how much it affected it. I also didn't understand how much it affected me being able to pick up on social cues. I didn't understand so much of that because I was popular in high school and I have straight A's because I was smart. Like all those things that that come later in life, that kind of ADHD can slap you down with. I just wasn't aware of that.

And so I just kept getting these same things over and over again. And it that was tough. I left there and I started working in a restaurant. So anyways, I met Kate at Whole Foods. She was a she was a, a bagger. I was a cashier when we met. You know, she met the cashier. I went back to the meat department, but she was a vegan and I was working in the meat counter whenever we really got serious. And that was like if the wildest part of our story is that she was like, she ate almost nothing.

She would eat like a piece of sprouted bread with like vegan cheese, which is like a vegan mayonnaise and like kale, like that was a lunch for her. And I was like, Are you serious? I love food. Yeah. And I took a lot like, I'm a good cook. I cook a lot. And I was, you know, making steaks and shrimp and, you know, making fish like I worked in the meat market. So I was constantly in it making that stuff. And she eventually was like, That smells really good.

I mean, I can I'm opposed fish or shrimp, but she's like, Let me try that. And she did. And, you know, and she was transported. She and she never looked back. As a hilarious. It was a you know, that was something that we you know, we still to this day, bond over is our enjoyment of like good food. You know, that's something that we really share and that I love about her, that she I don't know how she is the same person because she loves a good meal.

And that that girl that I met did not care about a good meal. She's just like, I just want my, you know, a piece of bread, that's all. I'm like. Okay, well, tell me a little bit more side side story. Tell me about cooking a little bit. Like what is. Your. Life like? What is how did you find a passion? Did you learn about it from someone or was that over the years kind of exploring or.

It's like, so when I learned I was thinking about this and I'm getting ready for today, I figured out that I have not been inherently coachable, but for most of my life. And I think a big part of that was the ADHD like Disconnect, but also that that that hiding in fear kind of made me afraid to be vulnerable enough to let somebody teach me things. So and then also in when somebody had the ability to teach me, I would be so afraid to take feedback.

So I was like, I would just avoid that situation versus like leaning into, you know, somebody being able to teach me something which is weird, like thinking about it. It's weird. I did not realize that because I was once again doing behaviors that I didn't actually believe in trying to keep up with the different lives I had running. So, no, nobody taught me how to cook like my stepdad was. That was a decent cook. He didn't really teach me a lot. So I was like, I just started messing around.

Whenever I started working at Wild Oats the first time, it was like I worked at a grocery store that had, you know, good product. And I just started, you know, slowly buying stuff and messing with up. And then especially once I got in the meat department and, you know, I was getting like, it's all it really was. It was like I was getting, you know, meat cheap. And then they also like, let us demo stuff like that.

So yeah, I started making stuff and I was like, I kind of had a. Pretty good at that. Yeah, I had a natural proclivity to it. Like I, you know, made some couple weird things, but I started watching a lot of Food Network, like a lot of Food Network. And, you know, this is where this is the first time that my ADHD hyperfocus really benefited me because like, I was hyper focused on food, Like I was like, I can be better.

So I just started watching it all the time and realized that until much later that I was literally watching food all the time. But I took in so much information and started to just like, do stuff that not everybody can just, you know, watch it and do it, but that's how it worked for me. And I really just loved it. I loved seeing the look on somebody's face whenever I shared a meal with them and they were like, man, this is really good. I loved sharing that.

So it's something that I've continued to love. I've moved more to smoking. Like smoking is my it's more my current creative food process. Yeah, It's like I still, you know, like I still throw down every now and then for, you know, for everybody's birthday. I'm like, What do you guys want? And I'm, I make whatever whatever it is that they desire.

Like I made Rama for the first time two years from my daughter's birthday, you know and yeah and so they really like, you know, different Japanese thing and she's like, Roman, we make that. And I was like, I will be able to do. Yeah. And I did. And it was really good. So now we have that, you know, every, every couple of months and you know, it's really cool.

Yeah. The thing I want to pause real quick in and say is maybe a question for all of us is what areas of our lives are we not coachable, Right? It's like, are there still? I think that's a process for all of us to kind of reflect and say, Hey, what areas, one, do I have too much confidence? Or maybe I'm unaware of kind of like what you said you like. I didn't realize I was, you know, not coachable until a little bit farther down the road.

What are areas in our lives that, you know, like we aren't coachable and it would benefit us to be coachable in that, right? I think you probably look back and maybe say, if I was more coachable in this area of my life, maybe I'd be farther than where I'm at today. Or maybe maybe things would have been as hard, or maybe I would have learned some technique that really would have taken me down another path.

You know, it's hard to imagine what that could be, but I think we all have the ability to kind of look back and say, maybe if I would have learned something different or been more coachable, things could have the outcomes could have been different. Right? I definitely agree that being coachable is a really important skill for growth. Like I like what I believe and understand now is that everybody has strengths to bring to the table. And I wasn't.

I was never really willing to accept that because I always felt so small. I didn't want to let somebody else's strengths make me look small. And that that was a really, really small way of thinking. But it's what I felt was like I didn't I wanted to always be showing off because I really felt so insecure that I really wanted to be putting out what I knew. This is what I can do. I can do it, but I don't need any help.

You know, I don't I don't want anybody to come show me how to do this thing better because I can do it myself. And I really regret that because, you know, I have been in situations where there have been people who have been rated things, maybe not even exactly thing that I wanted to learn, but I had life learning. So why would I not just take the take the experience and and let it shape me?

And that's that's something I very much regret, is that there's been a lot of opportunities where I could have been shaped in different ways that I that I refused myself up to. That's that's very insightful. What is there that a random question would be if you would go back in time and you were the manager of your self at Whole Foods. Wow. What would you do different as the manager? Wow. Kind of leading yourself that like. I think that's a really good question.

And I've been talking about leadership a lot lately. I was on my Friend to Lose podcast and his his podcast is about leadership going to miss IQ, and it's about leadership with emotional intelligence and like that's something that I feel is very important and something I have felt a lot. I felt the lack of that in my various different careers is that although I definitely was not perfect, I felt like I was met with a lot of the lack of emotion, a lack of emotional intelligence.

People understanding people, not having great people, not being patient. And that's what I would I would I would manage myself with emotional intelligence and I would take the time to get to know me and know that because honestly, all of the complaints ever got had to do really with me caring too much. Like, I know that sounds stupid. Like it sounds like I'm, you know, like a resume answer. It's like, I don't know, given this is I care too much.

I was like, No, but like, I really I cared so much about the product that was putting out that sometimes it was hard for me to put it out as quickly as they wanted or as you know, in the way that they wanted to, because I wanted to control what it looked like. And that was, you know, that's not always ideal, you know? Yeah. So the password, what was when did it when do you all get married? We got married in 2010. Okay. And you've mentioned your kids. Yeah, four kids now. Love it.

Love it. And so. So you're cooking and making birthday stuff and doing your thing. Doing your thing with that. What's what's one thing that you love about your family? One thing and my family is what I love about them is that they are the reason that I am who I am today. Like they have that through all of my, you know, different my different struggles, accepting life. They are the one thing that I've that I've let shape me all throughout this thing is like my wife before my kids.

But my my oldest daughter, I remember whenever I used to drink really heavily because I was hiding from a lot. And that was one way that I, you know, one bias I used to help help, you know, swallow the lie. I had an experience where, like, I threw up in front of her, like at my mother in law's house, and it was like the most embarrassing thing I've ever done. And I've done some stupid stuff, like, so, like, really bear with me. Like, it really broke my heart.

She didn't, you know, she was two years old. Like, she didn't say anything about it. It was just like, you know, she looked at me and I was I just felt so gross. Like, felt so disgusted with myself that that experience led to me really starting to. I mean, it wasn't it wasn't rock bottom yet, but it was close. That experience was where I started to like, say, like, what is wrong with me and what I eventually got to from what is wrong with me is there's not anything wrong with you.

Stop hating yourself so much. And it's it's been a hard road. I've definitely hated myself a lot of different times, but I've always loved me and their love has has given me the ability to love myself. And I would not be able I wouldn't have been able to get there by myself. I really wouldn't have. The people in our lives as you kind of share the things that you're sharing. If right.

And it kind of sounds like you're very aware of that, even kind of reflecting on your story of maybe at high school and then in college with some of the people that you were around and the influence there. And then, you know, the the blessing, you're like this this woman comes along and then you guys create this beautiful family and, you know, the the impact that has had on your life and even the way that I see you today, we don't know each other very well. And I know about you.

And, you know, it's like we have mutual friends and all of that but kind of where you're at today, the journey, you know, like I'm glad we're able to kind of highlight that on our podcast date is very evident of like the work that you have put in you you said in kind of your intro, like your work work, right?

And I feel like you've been been being a workhorse on yourself as well, not just external work and all that, but you've really done some hard work of internalizing some of the kind of trauma that you've had and some of the relationships that are both positive and negative in your life that have kind of got you to a place today. But to kind of take the next step of you have this family, obviously they are your everything and have I've done that.

What's kind of the next part of your story after you start having kids and and things like that? Where were you at and were you back in Oklahoma City? So, no, I wasn't back up on the city yet. So we had our son and I was I was working as a I'm doing a lot of different stuff at a restaurant and we got pregnant with our third kid and it started to hit me like we're barely making it. Like, you know, we were living paycheck to paycheck.

That loan was still whispering in my ear all the time, and I felt I felt everything crashing down on me. My wife had been, you know, had been staying at home for a while because she was constantly pregnant. I you know, yes, I do like her a lot. But it was it was on me. And and I took it upon myself to provide for my family and I was failing. And that was that stressed me out so much.

It's like I can be a lot of things, but I don't want to be a failure as a provider to this family that's so important. So my dad had been trying to get me to be a firefighter since I was in high school. He was a firefighter and he was like, It's a good job. It's a good job, good job. And I didn't want to do it like I didn't want to do that. I never felt like me.

And I would tell myself at the time, like I was just resisting it because it was it was him telling me that's I came to find out that it's not really what I was meant to be doing really at all, but it's what I needed to do for the time. So I finally accepted that that advice and I became a firefighter. I initially was going to do it, and Tulsa got like partially through the way in that process. And then I found out you have to have your EMT certification before you can be on there.

And, you know, I was already like I had already committed to being a firefighter. Yeah. I was like, whatever, I'll plant up on the city doing the process from Tulsa, Oklahoma City. I didn't realize how big of a deal it was that I had. Like the first time that I applied, I got in. That doesn't usually happen. And then but it's a long process. So it took like six months from the time I applied, took the first, you know, the first test, took the physical examination and the CPR and all that stuff.

It took six months before I actually got my job offer. And then from that I was like, I got a job offer. Like this is happening. I'm still in Tulsa. Like, we have to find a place. Like, I think we we had somewhere between like two at a time. Yeah, I know that we had something like between two weeks and a month to get Oklahoma City and be ready to start the job, because usually people are like, they're already all in when they do it.

Like I was, I wanted to do that, but I was not already moved down here. Assuming that I was going to try again, I was going, you know, whatever. It wasn't like that for me. So we kind of had to throw everything together. And and this is where my life started, hard for my wife, because she whenever we had started talking about it, I was going to be a Tulsa firefighter, like her family was in Tulsa. Like we had all of our support structure except for my my dad and his family were in Tulsa right?

Like, for example, like I lived right around the corner from my mom, like four or five houses away. So it was we were comfortable where we were as far as living situations. And whenever I, you know, I found out about the EMT thing, I like to me it was like natural to just like keep moving because I'm going to provide for my family. And we never really had the conversation of like, Hey, are you okay doing this in Oklahoma City? I just like, was like, Hey, I'm applying in Oklahoma City.

Hey, I got this. Hey, I got this. And she's just like, you know, kind of got swept up in it. And then it was like, okay, now we're moving. Well, we have to find the house. So it was never like, you know, let's have a conversation about if you're okay with me. It was like, I remember I told her, like, we'll talk about it in five years. Like, if you don't like after five years, I'll quit.

I was a lot like that was one of those like one of those lies that I accept now as being something I told her because I was afraid of the conflict I was hiding from how she would handle the truth. And that's like something I did with her many times. And that then affected our relationship really negatively until I started to take accountability for those things. But that was a big one because I dragged her down here. And then I also didn't understand how big of a commitment it was.

Once I started at the academy, it was a full time like not just full time, full life job, like we had just had our third kid and I was completely vacant from our life. So it was very, very traumatizing for her. Like she's in a brand new place with no support, like my dad. Well, you know, he helped us with money and he's he's not great at this, But he tried to provide some community. He he kind of drops you on people you'll just like, you know, like so-and-so's having a birthday party.

He'll just invite you and not tell that person that is you a bride. Exactly. So my wife would like to try to. She hadn't nobody. So she'd go to this birthday party would be so often because she doesn't know anybody. The person didn't know she was coming. There's this, you know, all this stuff going on. And meanwhile, whenever I wasn't at the academy, I was at Barnes Noble's with my best friend Tommy, studying for the Academy because we had to learn.

So like, a lot of these guys had the privilege of being able to, you know, have gone to like the artsy to get to the firefighter program or they had their a.A degree, like they had some understanding of this or they were, you know, they were volunteers or whatever. Like there was a baseline. There was some sort of bachelor. Coming in with like. Zero. Yeah. And it was funny because my dad did it, so you'd think that I would have been prepared better.

I was not I was not like I was physically prepared to start, but I wasn't even really that, like, physically prepared because I'd been prepared for so long. Like if I had gotten on at Tulsa, I would have been doing great. But I had to keep sustaining as long as I started the process over. And, you know, I was still doing great, but it was like a year that I was in probably the best endurance physical condition I was ever in.

Towards the end, once I got the job, I'd kind of let off a little bit, so I got there and was getting my ass and it's like it was really hard. Like I'm a big dude naturally anyways, and it's hard to keep up whenever you run a whole bunch. Like we weren't in there, you know, bench pressing firm, you know, for Max. Yeah, that's that's not what the goal is.

The goal is to be able to perform in a like, in a house fire for as long as you need to, to be able to like, carry people out of the buildings when you are absolutely exhausted. That is a different kind of training and it's keeping your body that way. Long term was a lot of work. So it was here. She was alone.

She didn't know how to cook cause I had cooked for us like, you know, so in the bit like a little bit of spare time I had, I was like, making like, little comments, like, here's something you can do to cook. Like trying to help her learn to cook because she's got to provide for like, she's got to provide food for the family. She's making my lunches because I literally didn't have time to do anything but study and sleep for like four, 5 hours a night. And she like, she was like everything for me.

But that whole time was so traumatizing to her that she did everything. You know, She showed up. She was stressed out, you know, you know, made things were tough for her to be a single parent, basically with the kids. But she she did it. And she, you know, did her very best. And I was just like not there. So whenever I finally came out on the other side of the first year, because once I finished the 16 week Academy, I had to start writing to and watch you whenever I was doing it.

You didn't go to EMT school on your trip days, you went on your days off. So I was every Monday through Friday, but I wasn't at my 24 hour job. I was an EMT school. Well, if I wasn't an EMT school, I was studying for EMT school. And then so, like, that was and if I wasn't, then on the weekends we'd go back to Tulsa and I would run seven. So I'm like, at this point, I was only running like three from us because the company was over.

But you still had to be in really good shape, make it in that first year. Yeah. And so it was. And then also I was getting like 30 to 30000 steps daily just at work, because being the new guy, you literally you can't sit out like that is literally what is like. Don't you just keep moving. You just stay busy. Not because it's healthy, but that's just what you're what you're taught to do. So that was very, very difficult for her.

They ended up coming back to me whenever we finally tried to start living life after that, because she was mad. She was mad at me. And I understand because I signed her up for this thing that we didn't understand. All of she had been completely abandoned for almost year with no community, no nothing. And then I then I also was not going to leave. The job has now now I've put like I put too much sweat equity in it. So the the option of ever leaving was like, no way.

Like I've put in this, this incredibly difficult year that I don't think I could do again. And you want me to leave because you're unhappy? I don't think so. This is going to put food in our family's mouths. It's, you know, the first year you get paid like dirt. Yeah. And then the second year. Okay. And the third year it jumps way up. And then like after that, the considerably better. Like I was making really good money when I left. Yeah. But I had also sacrificed so much for myself.

But I left because I was so bought into that. The money was like, It's a great job. But really, what? It wasn't great for me. Like my number one thing I'm looking for whenever I think about doing something is being able to like let my brain, you know, work. And that literally was not what I was told. Not. Yeah, it's like, stop, think about your thinking too much. Just do what you're told. Yeah. And that was it crushed me.

Like, what do you mean, like, I've got ideas, I've got, you know, I won't understand things like, no, I won't ask questions about this. Like, don't do this. Like, just do it. And yeah, that was, it was really tough. So as you look so we're now getting closer to the to today timeline, correct. What was what was kind of the process for not me not being a firefighter anymore, really like taking a step out of your own is is very challenging, very scary, all that stuff.

Was there something in the interim or was that your last? That was my last. Well, so I wasn't like a out in the field active firefighter until 2020. And then then I like I got promoted so I'd like, you know, a little and then moment that happens quite a bit by a tick. And she got really, really sick right around the time that COVID started.

We thought that she had COVID and then like she had 105 fever and it almost crippled her like she literally could walk for almost two months where I had to like I had to help her get wherever she was going. She'd get stuck places when I'm in the cell phone and be like, Hey, maybe not in the garden. Can you come help me back to the house? Like I had enough. So this was whenever I was studying motion, I had to literally take care of her.

I did like, take off of work and just take care of my wife while trying to study for promotion because, like, I still wanted something more. I was tired of being told I wasn't allowed to think like my brain is my greatest weapon and I literally wasn't allowed to use it. And so I'm taking care of her studying. And then I finally I get promoted to driver. They send me to the farthest station out and like it's out in Wellston.

And I was like, I can't I can't come back to work and drive out whilst my wife is sick, like I need to be in the city in case something happens. Like she's she hasn't even been taking care of anybody. And you want me to come back to 24 hour shifts where she's supposed to take care of everybody? And I can't be there if something goes wrong, like not even be there, but be within, you know, 15, 30 minutes. It's like it's a 45 minute drive. I was like, I can't do that.

So I used every single bit of my sick time, every bit of like, you know, you could ask for, don't leave. I was able to get some don't leave. I used everything. And right before I ran out of time and opening came up for public education, which I thought I was like the way that you the way that you kind of get brainwashed whenever you're running into fires for living.

Is that like that is the best job in the entire world that like, you have to believe that you were doing something amazing to do that. And I totally get that. But whenever this opportunity for public education came up, I was like, I don't I can't do that. Like, you know, I'm a I'm a firefighter. I don't want to go into public education and stop running into fires. But otherwise I'm going to stay out here in the field. And things like getting sent to the fire station are going to keep happening.

Maybe this is a good maybe this is a good fit. So I applied for that. And right before I literally used my last day of sick time of any of any kind, had zero time. And I started the public education job that night. You know, that next shift. Wow. And so anyway, I was I did that for over two years and got promoted to major through that. I had a lot of, you know, really great objective success, but I struggled to be part of the team.

You know, that that same thing of not understanding my ADHD and understanding that abilities to work as part of a team and also that whole not wanting to be coached because I didn't want to be seen as less than that. Like all those things intermingled with people who also were kind of had toxic masculinity and the culture of the fire department is not very good for, you know, feelings and all that stuff.

So there was it was just a really bad toxic mix that made it really hard for me to to succeed inside the system. But like all of my outward facing tasks, I did fantastic. But I, you know, I managed 513 in the event that and it was the most successful ever been the two years I did it. And I did I did really good with that. But I you know, my boss told me about six months before I ended up leaving, like, you know, I just something's up with you.

And, you know, I feel like you're not telling me something. And, you know, you need to figure something out. You know, you're probably not going to be able to stay here. And I was like, What the hell does that mean? Like, what was wrong? What am I doing wrong? Like, all of the things I'm supposed to do, like tick the boxes. I was able to do all those things, but there was this missing factor. And I don't know if me being more open with my ADHD would have made him understand that. I don't.

I don't know. Yeah, like, I'll never know. But like, you know, I told him at that point. But I think it was the damage was already done. People in that job listened to the gossip and the rumors whenever they're given any like not ever listened to all the time. But as soon as they're given any shred of truth to that, they're like, Yep, just like they said. So I had been told a lot that I wasn't there for the right reasons. It was like, What does that mean?

I'm here to make money to support my family. And there's one guy who has a really, really terrible relationship. I had his name was Miko, and he was really, really outspoken about the people he didn't like. And so he just talk trash about me and he's like, you know, I just I just don't think you're here for the right reasons. You know, you're doing this and that. And what I realize now is that he saw me trying to be something I wasn't and and thought I was just, like, being fake.

And I thought I was lying when I was like, I just was trying to fit and I was just trying so hard to be what I thought other people wanted me to be. And he read that as, you know, a negative. And is that his fault or not? Is the way he handled his fault? Absolutely. He was a he was a monster. He made it He made a nightmare for me to come to work. Is it my fault that I wasn't honest with who I was?

Yeah. But I also didn't realize that me trying to trying to manage and just put on a brave face was being read that way. I had no idea. No, I think that comes back to, you know, some of the kind of the emotional intelligence piece that you talked about earlier and being on your friend's podcast from a leadership of being as a leader. I think one of the the big characteristics is empathy, right? And being able to connect with the people that you lead and not even leave. Maybe he wasn't that.

But even people that we work with right of we don't know what people are bringing to work. We don't know what they're dealing with. We don't know what life stage unless we take time to get to know them, have that level of empathy to say, Can I see you for this? And maybe there's things that we do a little bit differently, or I'm just empathetic to your situation. And so some of your behavior might be a little different. You know, like there's people who are grieving

who come to work and they're grieving. Right. And and that can affect work in ways that we interact with people. And so those are the things that, as you can hear that I feel I feel one hopeful in the work that you're doing right now, because the people who are in positions of leadership that you get to speak to hopefully can be more authentic and empathetic in their in their positions. Right. And I talked about authentic leadership, Like it's my specific platform for coaching leadership.

You know, it is it is so much more about leading with your heart than it is about like trying to force people to to meet task goals, whatever. It's like everybody is in a job or a position for a reason. There's got to be at least a basic amount of skill level that they bring to the table.

And if you if you realize that and you take the time to get to know them and find out what they enjoy, what they're good at, and you allow them to to work on that and you foster that growth, then they're going to want to perform for you. They're going to want to do things because you're you're letting them fulfill something that feels like at least part of their purpose. Yeah. And I absolutely was not getting that. I was like, I told you, I was like, stop talking so much.

Like, stop asking me questions. Like, just do what you're told. Like, that was never going to work for me. Now, if I could coach myself now, I would tell myself differently as to like, it's not never going to work. You just have to understand that you can tell them who you are and they don't have to. They don't have to accept all that. But if they would have known like, Hey, like I'm ADHD, like you guys are, you're telling me things often and I think that I'm doing them.

I need you to be more clear about what I'm doing wrong when I'm not doing them. Yeah. Instead of like, I would get feedback and then I would hide and I pull farther and farther back. I would try to avoid them more and more because I was afraid of getting more and more negative feedback because they didn't actually care about me trying to like, feel better. They just wanted me to do the thing that they wanted and they weren't communicating in a way that I could understand.

And that's, you know, I don't think that that was ever going to be the long term right place for me to be. But kind of gotten through it and like a little more unscathed. If I had if I had known that you just give the gifts, people all the information up front so then whenever they're not telling you things that are helping you stop internalizing it so much, it's like I'm giving you all the information that you need to to communicate with me better if you're not going to take it.

And I realize that you don't actually care about me. So I'm going to stop taking those things that you're saying about me so personally, I guess that's about you. I see it now. Like you feel this way. That's what you feel. Has nothing to do with who I am. Well, in I kind of see the. The things that you're pulling from your different life experiences into the coaching that you're doing in the podcast.

All of those things that that's part of your story that you shared part of today, right on the board is these are some things that have impacted you in a way that you've been able to step back a little bit from and say, Hey, what are the learnings that I can pull from this as I want to encourage and help other leaders who might be in similar situations? Yeah, absolutely. And so that's as you kind of can I rap back to the front of the the podcast was what are you working on today?

And it seems like getting a little bit of the back story and it gives you gives us as listeners insights into kind of the coaching in the area that you're really passionate about. Because what I see also is that you want to unlock the potential of people. Yeah, and you want to help others do that. And I think you have felt it in some of your work environments where you're like, I have all this potential.

Like I will be great in this role, just my potential not being unlocked because I'm not understood or people aren't taking the time to to understand some of these strengths that I have. And that's what I really see you doing in here. Coaching business is to say, hey, here's here's how you as a leader and unlock the potential and the people actually. And it works from both sides.

You know, I really want to help people understand and embrace other people, but I also want to help people show up as themselves and let themselves be understood. It's impossible just for somebody to understand a person who never shows up like if you're constantly showing up as somebody else than for one, you're you're belying who you really are, which is, you know, is bad for your own interest long term.

Like you're you can't live up to your potential if you're just if you're trying to be somebody you're not. Yeah. So I think it's really important, like, to allow people to to voice themselves in a way that gives people the opportunity. Like I don't think that the majority of people want to make other people feel bad. I think that, you know, people can really put themselves first. They can you know, there's a lot of different things that are the priority in people's mind.

But I don't think that their goal is to make other people feel bad. So I think that it's really important to be able to speak in a way that allows you to express who you are and give people the information so they're able to make decisions on how they want to communicate with you and what importance they want to put on making you feel like. I don't think that it's every every person's responsibility to see you.

But I think that given the opportunity a lot of people will make, they'll take that in and will choose to exercise of that information to improve their relationship as well. I'd love to ask you the one last kind of deeper question and maybe taking a wrap of our time with you kind of light hearted questions, if that's cool with you. Yeah, absolutely. Right now in in the season life you're in, what what ways do people describe you both incorrectly incorrectly?

Yeah. So I'll start with you incorrectly. Like if you haven't actually taken the time to get to know me, people think that I mean, because like face I, you know, RPF like, and unless I'm actually having a conversation, I'm just like focused all the time like and this nothing that I look focus all the time and some people think that looks angry and like I'm almost never angry. People think I'm serious. And that is like the farthest from the truth. Like I'm not a serious person.

Like, I really like to have fun. And those are things that I've struggled with because you you let people have these opinions about you and let them let those opinions weigh on your heart. And that's something I try not to do anymore. Like I'm not. They're like, I don't want anybody to think that. I think that I'm done. I'm far from it.

I think that it is a continual process of, you know, continuing to grow and be shaped by your experiences and I think that people sometimes are projecting their own understanding on to other people. And that's something that I haven't really dealt with well past, but I'm learning to not put so much, you know, pressure on the people who actually know me, know that I'm very loving, like I really care

about my people. I'm I know my friends told me whenever we were talking about us moving is that I'm the glue of our relationships. Like all I'm the one who wants to keep I want to keep having people around. I want to have conversations with my people, with this. Yeah, I initiate. I care about them. And so, like, I'm a person who cares. I'm a person who is very motivated. Now the people always understand what I'm working on. No, and that's okay.

I like as I was developing, you know, what is my coaching business now, It went through several different iterations because it's both unfortunate and fortunate. I have I have attained a lot of skills and have a lot talents, and I was trying to do all of those things at once because it's like I want to be I really want to offer everything I have to the world to help other people be more seen and that it's not really a skill or business model that's pretty hard to do.

So, you know, even as I am, you know, as I'm coming into coaching, I was I was terrified to call it coaching. Like I didn't want to be seen as a life coach. Like, I didn't you know, I wanted to be in identity management, which I'm okay being a coach. But initially I wanted to like I wanted to help you manage your identity because I didn't want people to think I was like selling like a snake oil salesman.

Yeah, like a lot of coaches are just like, you know, they're out there just pushing some sort of philosophy that is surface level. And that's that's not what I'm doing and like, I really want to help to coach people because I think that I've been through it enough that I can help people understand how to be themselves and to see success in life.

And I think that's the biggest thing that I want to impart to the world, is that you can be yourself and still have all kinds of accept all kinds of success. You just have to like, you know, you have to accept certain parameters of that, Like you have to be willing to make certain sacrifices for your goals. And, you know, that's really anything but I think that I've seen it firsthand well enough, and I've done enough research and training like I'm a certified life coach.

And, you know, I went back and got my my degree. And I've learned so much through all the different experiences that I want to I want to help people get to where I'm at and beyond much faster than I was able to like from the time that I started, and look at how important it was to accept yourself to the time it actually took me to get there was a long time. And you're trying to shorten that?

Yeah, I really I want to I just want to help for everything I've learned in other people so they can they can start to love and embrace themselves and live in the path that is actually meant for them. Faster. Yeah. I love that was very clear, evident in the work that you're doing and even the way that I've heard how you're interacting and in doing relationships with people in Oklahoma city, that's that's really awesome. I got to kind of leave any kind of lasts.

We're kind of kind of in that serious. I'd love to kind of back out with two or three questions, but do you have any last kind of thoughts or anything about your business that you want to want to want to share? This is the question that people always ask that that's what I always ask people that they're never prepared for. Yeah, and I feel equally as unprepared, but I'm going to push through it and I'm going to I'm going to say something.

I think that the most important thing to take away from learning about me is that I have been at the darkest space that a human can be like I've lived it. I am not going to say that I'm beyond ever doubting myself or being depressed. Like I actually think that like I had a conversation on LinkedIn the other day about those. That doubt is important. I think that saying that like I've, you know, I before and I don't doubt myself anymore that's not where I want to be. That might be right for you.

I might be right for many other people. But for me, I want I want to continue doubting myself. I want to continue asking myself questions, having internal dialog say, is this right? Like like doubt is a great and great tool for shaping yourself. If you let just be that like do I want to doubt myself to the point where I let my decisions become fear based? I definitely don't want to do that. Like not something that I've moved past is making fear based decisions.

I want to use doubt as a as an analytical tool. Like, okay, I'm telling myself maybe there's some maybe there's a perspective I'm not seeing. Let me step back and let me look at it from a different angle. And that's that's that self-awareness I talk about being so important is I think that doubt is as a tool for sharpen your self awareness and ask yourself questions and like, I don't think you should ever stop doing that. I think it's important.

So that's that's what I'll leave people in is like and if you are letting doubt become fear, that's where I would like to help. Love it. All right. Let me think of three quick that we can end with. One would be what is a hobby that you're spending time on right now? You have the hobby. Hobby Lobby now. I know you work a lot. I know you're grinding. And so, yeah. I am grinding.

And like, I really whenever I went back to school, I started thinking drawing seriously and I really enjoyed it and was really heavily into it. And as I started to build my podcast, my business stuff, I really made less time for it. But I've been trying make time for it again and a thing called October coming up and familiar. And so I'm like, I tell my my daughter draws every single day and I'm like, You want to do it now? She's like, Yeah, yeah.

I'm like, I'm going to make sure I want to because I want to get back into that. This is the second to last reporting of a very, very busy period in which I'm as we're moving, I'm going to be not recording for about a month, month and a half. Like, you know, I've got lots of episodes.

I'll keep putting out content and like, you know, I'll still be editing and stuff, but having this reporting piece and writing for the episodes off my plate for a while, I'm going to dive back into the hobby of drawing. And I also I enjoy making music on my computer, like I made my intro song. Like, you know, that's that's something I enjoy doing. It's it doesn't come naturally, though.

So it's like something that takes a lot more like practice and YouTube videos and Skillshare and like trying to kind of make sure I understand the basic fundamentals of the process. But I enjoy that stuff. I like nerd, not about. So are you going to host any of this Ethiopia or will this be a private Ethiopia? no, I'll post it on my personal account. Yeah. It's not something I'll put out there on my business account.

And I have a because initially whenever I was finishing college, I thought I wanted to just do graphic design. Like, I think I was like, that's what I want to do because I really I really enjoy graphic design, but I feel like as I was trying to build out my business, I try to keep that as part of the business concept, but it just didn't feel like it was niche enough. So it's like it's something that I've still got in my back pocket.

I do all my own graphic design for the podcast business, but it's something that like down the down the road I might want to offer back in. It's like, you know, authentic branding type stuff. But I think right now it's kind of important to focus on the mentality of it. But in saying all that I had, I had an Instagram account for just personal stuff. I think I'm going to get rid of it, but I will definitely be posting a lot of photo stuff.

So so for the so for the listeners into where they're typically, there is a prompt heard day in October that a group from a it's international at this point that people are kind of drawing the same things and posting them and there's a few different sober people who post prompts. But if you want to do that with Bruce and you want I want to do this, you can post, you can come along. I want to throw that out there. Yeah, I'm sure. Bruce My post is his outline for what?

What him and his might be drawn. Or maybe are you guys come up with your own problem? No, no, we just like the. I think it's easy to overcome. Yeah, I like the main ones. Yeah, I was just down with our post. I, I guess the day before last September and we might want to hop on there, which, you know, this will come out after maybe at the end of October. Okay. Like lists. Or so. So what I'll say is good luck to all those who did in October.

Congratulations on my I'll make a post about it just, you know see like we talked about anybody who wants to jump in and over the. Goal of your last question, what is your most memorable meal that you've either made or like the setting? All of it. It's open. What is your most memorable meal? Okay, so I can think of I can two different meals, one that I've made and one that I've eaten.

Don't think that I've had a whole lot of super fancy experiences with people taking me to dinner and stuff like that, like my wife's aunt Cathy took us to, what is it, Prime one in Tulsa? That's like, right by P.F. Chang's. Took us there. That was a really good one. But the the one that sticks out most to me is when me and my brother, my dad ran the Canary Islands or the Canary Islands and onto the reef, we went for pizza.

And like, I don't know why pizza was where we were going in life, but it was like it was a really, really cool experience to like, be somewhere that was so far from America and Italy. Like it was neither. And we had this really, really good pizza and we had like it's one of the few conversations I remember having with my dad and brother. We didn't argue.

There was like there was no like there was no discomfort because my dad is like trying to make somebody do something, which is a continual theme and conversations were me and my dad, my brother, there know somebody is generally unhappy because we have not done that one time, but we were just there and we just had a good time and a meal was great. And they asked, you know, what kind of water we wanted? Like, like what kind of water and gas are of that. And we're, like I said, on gas.

Okay, sure. Yeah. And it was my first time I ever drank sparkling water and it like, punched me in the mouth. I was like, look what is happening. What is wrong with this? And, you know, that's not something that I've grown up with. Like, I literally had never tried it before and I thought it was disgusting and I was and it's so funny because now I love sparkling. Okay. But that was just it was I was expecting record.

Yeah. And then after that me and my children, me and my brother left my dad at the resort that we were staying at and we had like one of the most amazing nights I've ever had. Like we were. I think I was maybe 15. I got one step at a time. My brother was, you know, three years older than me, is 18. And we just went out to this club and there was like not that many people there, but we always had such a good time together, just like dancing. And we met a couple of Irish guys who we hung out with.

We just sat on this by this pool and talked like 3 hours with these guys who were from Ireland, just about like what it's like where they're from. And they're like, So, you know, you guys are American, right? And it's like, so you've heard a ice cube was like, Yeah, man, we love him there. It was like, it was so weird because it was like, you know, this is and one of the one of those ice cubes career where was like the ice cube, really, of all people.

He hasn't been, you know, really popular like ten years. Yeah. You know, I remember the American culture like it spreads some places. It takes a long time to catch up to where we are now. And yeah, it was just a really so it's like one of the best days I've ever had. Yeah, it's interesting how I mean, I love eating with people and so meals are very dear. I do not cook, not grill, I do not smoke, I do not do any of that stuff like you do. So I'm envious of that.

I forgot I was going to tell the other. The other one is one of my friends who doesn't her, but she she likes to finance a meal. She would be like the financier, you know, like we have like the budget was like $300. It was like me and my wife another good, like another one of our good couple of friends and then her. And then there was one other daughter. Yeah. And then I think it was her husband at the time.

And so the six of us and then all of our kids, which was like another, you know, another 14 people. So it was and so the kids I made like fresh Frenchmen pizzas for my nice Italian bread and like everything else is like homemade scratch made the pizza sauce, everything, because I never wanted to, like, look at kids like they can't enjoy a great meal, Like I made them like Caesar salads, like I made the croutons and everything for them.

That was one part of the meal that was just the kid's meal for us. We this was like the fanciest meal I've ever I've ever made for sure. And quite possibly the fanciest I've ever eaten. Yeah. So I made like, seared scallops with, like, I think it was a sauce. And then, like, dry rabbis and with, like, these, these creamy herb carrots I make. And there was one other part of it, but it was like everything was like the best I'd ever put out.

It was like the stakes were cooked perfectly, cooked perfectly, and everybody enjoyed it immensely. And we had a great conversation. That was one of those ones where I was like, I just I was so happy that everything came together at the right time because it, you know, if you don't cook, let me tell you, it's difficult to get all of the things right at the right time and get everybody in the right time for it to stay right?

So it was like getting everything done and served up and on the plate and being able to sit down and enjoy it. It was it was quite the miracle. And I really it was so enjoyable to do and then also to see other people enjoy it. And I just didn't pay for it. That was, you know, that sometimes sometimes I find myself like I love the experience of presenting food and like having people enjoy it.

But then like, I'm like, get this buyer's remorse where it's like, yeah, And that's like, so having somebody else, like, say, I would love to pay if you're just cooking, if felt like that was one of the things was like, I felt like it didn't make me feel seen just the thank you and all that was like, great. But I was like, whenever you're also paying it, it can feel like I was being taken advantage of because that's it was hard work. Yeah, I'm just like, it's just not having to pay for this.

So in the comments, leave your favorite meal. Also maybe add the topic of discussion because at these meals, you know there's amazing food and enjoy that. But also some of the the memories of the conversations that come from those meals. So that would be a great conversation that we can have. So that's closing. Bruce I can say that when we are vulnerable about our stories, we create a more truthful narrative of how people become successful, how they get to where they're at.

And so thank you for being vulnerable today, sharing your story. Thank you for being authentic, as always, and thank you for inviting all of your podcast guests. You step into that authenticity with you. You're making a huge impact, and I know this is just the beginning. Congrats on so many episodes. This is like I said, I'll say it again. This is just the beginning for you, sir.

So with that being said, I'm going to turn back the podcast over to the host, the one and only Bruce Alexander and Taylor. Thank you so much. That was really great. I really enjoyed the s great questions and I appreciate the opportunity getting giving my audience a better understanding of who I am and what I'm motivated by. If you enjoyed today's episode, please leave review. I really appreciate all the feedback.

Like if this last episode that I released episode ten, I heard from more people than I'd ever heard from saying like, it was so good to get to know Peter. Yeah, that was it felt really good to me to know that people connected with him deeper by getting to hear his story. Like, that's what I, that's what I'm out here trying to do. I really love that experience. It's not just the pump.

My ego, Like I really do care to hear these reviews because I'd like to hear what I'm not doing enough of how I could improve. But I also want to know what I'm doing right. I do enjoy hearing that all of this podcast so you can get updates about new episodes and live streams and if you're interested and bonus or behind the scenes content, go to the Authentic on air with Bruce Alexander. Patrick Page. Share this episode with someone you think might enjoy it right now.

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