And I think that's the place. Spaces like that don't allow people to show up in school, you know? They want to show this is the box. Do you fit in the box? If not, then. In the box. Yeah. They get in. The box and. Welcome to Authentic on Air with Bruce Alexander. And I'm your host, Bruce Alexander. Derek Sier. And I had such an incredible conversation that not only could it not fit into just one episode, but I had to release a second episode and a bonus.
I guess there's a reason I chose this dude to be my mentor. Before we pick up on part two of our conversation today and reflection. What role does family play in your commitment to assert your authenticity? I want to teach my children to be brave and resourceful. A great way I can do that is by actually navigating this world with my heart and strategically finding ways to make this life work for. I guess there's a reason I chosen to be my mentor. Before we pick up a part two of our conversation.
Today's Reflection. What role does your family play in your commitment to a search or authenticity? I want to teach my children to be brave and resourceful. A great way I can do that is by actively navigating this world with my heart as strategically and finding ways to make this life work for me. Modeling this behavior gives me the greatest motivation. I want to raise children who are living lives of fulfillment as themselves.
I can start by attempting to do the same if this reflection struck a chord with you. As always, I am genuinely interested and would love to hear any interesting, surprising or revelation of insights uncovered. So hit me up on Instagram. Facebook trends are LinkedIn and authentic identity Management. Now let's return to our conversation, and I hope it's as insightful to you to listen as it was for me to have. Thanks for joining us.
Yeah. And so that's why I mean, my friends know that I will cut somebody off quick. I mean, this is this is where it gets deep. On my side is I don't talk to my mom in almost a year because our relationship had gotten toxic. Yeah. And for me, it was like, I don't need toxic in my life. Yeah, I know. At some point, hopefully something something gives me can, you know, level that out. But right now it was wait is way too toxic for me. And I was like, I don't separate.
Yeah. Where you do your thing, I'll do mine. Yeah, but the people who are inside my circle, like they know they can call me any time. I'll do whatever I can to help them. Yeah, because I'm your friend and I want to be whatever I can. Whatever you need me to be, I want to be there for you. Yeah, that's. That's what friendship is to me. Yeah. I don't know that people feel like I say people. People who fit in this category feel like they can operate this way safely. Right. Which I think safety.
You know, there's a lot of components of like previous survivors have been in that a similar area where I didn't feel safe or people who I thought I could trust turned out to be untrustworthy or, you know, like I think there's all these things that come into play as to why people don't invite other people into that space or why they don't share or create that sharing space. But I think whatever it is, man, like, we got to get over it, bro.
Like, our isolation is detrimental when we get in this, because I know for me where I would make up a story quick in my mind, like I was still in my own space and I be like, ask for help. They said they could help. Always help them out. This means that I really respect me as a friend and I will ask, you know, like, that's that's a slippery slope because then you find out that maybe they have something going on, they want to help and they just couldn't. But then you communicate.
Then this is like, Man, I made you out to be a whole villain, you know, and useful to be my friend. Like, I'm giving you a position and then I villainize you for not being in that position. Well, without knowing the whole story. And I think an important component component of that for me is showing up as yourself from the start. Mm hmm. It's like some people show up as this person that they think their new friends want them to be.
And then whenever they're called on as that person, they can't provide it. Yeah, it's immersive. Versus being like, it's not sustainable. Yeah. Versus being who you are. Like, once again, my friends. No, I, I'm not here for B.S. Like, you know, if you don't want to be my friend, like, don't play with my friend. Like, if I call you and invite you to hang out three times in a month, you say no. Every time I'm going to stop calling you. Yeah, because that's not that's not friendship to me. Yeah.
You know, we. And there's a difference between me saying, like. Like my friend will invite me out all the time. I'm like, I'm not that person. Yeah, I'm not going to like my family. Life is very important to me. If you want to hang out with me, come pick it up. Yeah. Or set up some sort of family friendly environment where we can go kick this family. Yeah, that's the kind of friends I need. And they know that about me.
They're, you know, they're not going to say, Well, I called you three times and invited you to the club three times and you didn't show up. It's like, duh, That's who I was when you met me. Nothing's changed. So versus you're like, Hey, I invited you to dinner. I invited you to meet me out at this thing. I invite you and you just keep going to me. Like, yeah, we're obviously not right for each other.
And stuff sometimes, because I think we get caught up in niceties like we want to be seen, you know, the good person or the nice person that we tolerate stuff or we try to put on an air that makes everybody feel comfortable. And so whatever you most authentic version of yourself initially is horrible. Mm hmm. I mean, guys, that's it. That's as transparent as I get. If I if there's no other version of me in this, the most honest, sincere version that you're ever going to get.
And you don't like it. How people please. Yeah, I think there's something that I mean, I say talk about a journey and arrive in a developing. That's something that I struggle with right now because yes. Feels so good. Like when when people like you or when they want to be with you or you have something that they have versus it's like I think I've been I've been a part of like this connection circle and I've put my place there.
I put my my value in that space for so long that when I'm unable to do it, sometimes I feel like, man, what am I doing? But what I've learned now is like to be more selective on my yeses so I can get full yeses instead of partial yeses. Right aside. We met for coffee the other day, and not only was I late initially, but as I walked around, I stopped for like 15 phone involved because I said I say yes to something I shouldn't have said yes to. But it was I and it was a meeting.
And I was like, man, like he called me. He needs me. But at the end of the conversation, I'm like minutes when he really important, like I said yes to something that I knew wasn't important because I wanted him to feel like you could call me. And I pick up and he knows all this other stuff that once. He and what for me is important there is that you realize I don't care, like because I already know about you, that you're a person who was there for the people who need you.
So this guy, he called, he needed something. This morning. You were late because your daughter had a fight. Yeah. Your daughter needed you. Yeah. You're going to vote for the people need you. So a lot of times that person is running behind because they had another thing to do. But they know that they made that. You made a commitment to me. So you're still going to be here? Yeah, but it might be a little late.
So for me, I'm like, I'll take that that dependability, knowing that you're going to show up at some point. Yeah. You know, maybe like he went to sleep. But I really take knowing that you're definitely gonna to show up then like, I don't know if I can actually count on you. Yeah. Because you're not a person who's actually there for the people, but you make commitments to appreciate it. And as you know, as a mentee, like, you know, we talked about before is like a mentees for life.
So you made a commitment to that person whether you know you and talked about having to coach him about what urgent is exactly and that's you know that's a conversation that you are going to have. Yeah you still made that commitment and you are honoring that commitment. It's like then I haven't really got him to understand this yet, so I need to take this phone call until he understands this. And and I'm like, I respect the hell out of that. Thank you. I appreciate it. My wife doesn't love it.
She's like you said, you were going to be gone for an hour and a half. And I was like, listen, it's kind of my fault because I did wait. Yeah, but that's all right. So, yeah, that's. I mean, I'm sorry. What if you feel. You would represent you? Well, it's funny, cause I used to be the lay person. Yeah, I used to be the person who was, like, everywhere. The fire department did a lot of things. They gave me a lot of things that gave me, like, some structure and discipline.
It taught me that being 15 minutes early is on time. And that's, you know, the fire at the fire department that's actually still kind of late. You kind of want to be like 30 minutes early, like so especially when you're starting to the process is like you if you shop 15 minutes early, you're probably not getting the job like they want. The person that was there waiting at 30 minutes early, like, nice and they like really ingrain that in you.
But it also it also gave me a really thick skin because I was just brutalized and, you know, so much of like who I was was not acceptable for the fire department. Ever said a couple of times. Yeah. Being a person who's outspoken, who has their own individual thought, yeah, not like it's not that I didn't want to be part of a team. I did. I just had thoughts and ideas and input. And whenever you work in emergency services, there is a time and a place. I wasn't great that part.
Yeah, It was like I'd have a thought. You know? I got in trouble for talking back in a fire, seeing once it was like I had a thought and I was like, What about this? And they were like, They were too tall and in an emergency situation, you do have to do what you're told. Yeah, but the way that they build that into you is by making you do what you're told all the time and never questioning no nuance. As I know, no nuances like and maybe there, maybe there was for other people.
Yeah, but because of how I operate, I didn't get it early. So then it was just hammer all the time, everywhere and everywhere I went, like there was a station I went to that was actually really great. Yeah, but where I spend the majority of my time, they just hammered me all the time with, you know, bust. You're not here to think. And secondly, you're not one of us. Wow. And that was that was super hard.
You know, you spent 24 hours at a time with somebody, an entire group of people who hang out outside of work. Yeah. And don't invite you. Yeah. Who, you know, wants things purposely that, you know, whenever I was telling is like, oh, Bruce really wants this watch this thing and they will. And I'm like, I thought we were going to know we just watched without you. Like driving me farther and farther away from the group. Whenever these people have your life in their hands, at times.
Yeah, that's I mean, that's tough. It was very tough. But coming out of that, it helped me very quickly say never again. Yeah, never again. I'm not going to let somebody determine my self-worth on a daily basis. And that's for me to do. And I want other people can see to fill in the gaps. So maybe some of the things that we're talking about today, I mean, so, so. Many like the fire department is all about becoming part of the whole and for the you know, for the duty of it. It is important.
But the culture is so toxic because there's there is room for the individuality. Yeah. And then at the highest levels, they're starting to teach that. But at the lowest level, there's not there's not taken root. There are people that are literally shaved off parts of their personality. Oh yeah, in order to fit in. I mean, I did it for the first four years, like, like I shaved down till I was unrecognizable to myself for the first four years because it was like I'm a talker.
I love talking, I love having a conversation. I was like, Don't talk. Talk too much. You like you talk to stop talking so much. And it was so where I just walked around like a zombie all the time, didn't have any thoughts because I was told not to do that. Yeah, and like, that killed me. And so I didn't realize how bad it was until I got out of the field and got into public education. And it was like, Hey, you can talk now. You can go talk to big groups of people. We want you to this job.
And it was like and all of a sudden, like, I felt like I ballooned. So much weight was lifted off me. I was like, Oh my gosh. I did not realize that I had totally transformed. Yeah. Who I started to, who I was now. Yeah. And even then, like the, you know, the trauma didn't go away. It's still like, I still was paranoid all the time that somebody was going to do this or that. And there were still people who didn't want me to succeed.
And, you know, there was a lot of pressure to do certain things. And then leaving the fire department, having that same feeling of the way that, oh, there was still so much weight there. Yeah. I still woke up and went into work with so much pressure to be something I wasn't. Wow, that's like, Oh, now I'm actually seeing for the first time, like, this is what it actually feels like to show up as yourself. Yeah. Do you think that there's a, a balance?
Because I think of like I think of the value of fitting into a system and I know the importance there, but I feel like this next generation is so individualistic that they have I don't want to like a segment we have we have we have so many more personalities and preferences to cater to in the public space.
Now then, I think before then it was like if you are if you have the money or if you are the owner of the business or you are in social media supervision, then you're the one that has all the personalities of all the era, of all the decision making. And then everyone else was, you know what? Whether you are the masses or whether you are to an assembly line or whether you whatever it was you, it was it was two personality types. Either you're doing the telling or you're being on YouTube.
Right now. I feel like there's so many more things to account for that it either slows up the process, What am I trying to say? I see, I see. I wonder how what's the middle of like.
Yeah, and you had so you started to say, do you think there's any value in the system of, you know, like people playing roles I think is what you were getting to or Yeah, and I do like, I mean, I guess like the fire department provided a lot of understanding, like the chain of command I think is a very smart thing to implement in a business. So having somebody who is at the head, who has the biggest vision.
Yeah. And then having people below them who have smaller and smaller vision and have smaller and smaller oversight, but they pay attention to what they are supposed to pay attention to. Like when you do that, everybody can be more focused and they know that it talks about the span of control of the ventilator. Whenever you have a span of control, that's from 5 to 7 people. Yeah, you're able to maximize their talent. You're able to maximize their efficiency. Yeah.
And that to me is something that is very useful to be able to like have a team say everybody. Now, this is not a part that was hugely brought in. It was like, that's where it's like I'm, I'm the boss of these 5 to 7 people. It's 5 to 7 people listen to me and they talk to the five some people directly below that. The difference for me is I have 5 to 7 unique individuals that bring different towns to the table.
Yeah, I listen to them, see what they have, what information they have to provide for me. Then I put them to work at what they're going to succeed best at. And that's that is, if I was a CEO, that's what I would do. Yeah, that's how I would, you know, build the company out. Is that everybody would have something that they are that they're directly responsible for. But it's not only something that they're good at, hopefully it's one that they love. Yeah.
And like they are able to be passionate about. So they're not only working hard because they're trying to be a good employee, they're doing work that they love. So it's, you know, it's not even a question. Yeah, I like the concept of everyone having space to breathe into a project to to bring their own creativity and problem solving skills and awareness is, is seems like it's it's more of that now in the workspace and navigating all those personalities.
You got to have effective leadership in place in order to navigate all those personalities, all those unique things. And I think that there we're in a space where we're transitioning out of the old mode of management into this new era of like, of like, do what I say versus, all right, are we on the same page? Right? And then moving forward, in any book that you lead, it's like you begin to buy in from the people. Then you don't have to carry push that vision that right for you. Absolutely right.
But I think transitioning from, you know, showing out to in this way, in my mind, I imagine it is because my dad has carried a briefcase. When he was in managing, it was like showing up to work with a briefcase. It's different than logging on from a coffee shop, you know, that has like I. Yeah, I move. I don't think I could manage effectively a complete remote business, so I don't think I could.
I for me, the in-person like so for me like I think that the remote is very good for passing along information, working together on projects like anything that is purely it's already agreed upon. Yeah. Like there's, there's no persuasion needed, there's no motivation needed. There's no, you don't need to feel energy.
But whenever you're toxic, getting buy in, whenever it comes to like getting like persuading somebody, like making sales pitches or like, you know, trying to pitch your vision on a project, whatever. I feel like to do that, well, you have to be in person. I mean, I don't think you have. Yeah, I do. I do that he's going to stick to it. I'm sticking to is like I know for me, I know that every you know, whenever I was, you know, in fundraising, every deal I closed was in person.
Yeah. And it's like, you know, we may have had calls on, you know, Zoom, we may have talked on the phone. Nothing ever closed until they were able to get in the same room with me and feel my energy. And then they were like, Yep, I want to sign on with you. Yeah, you're somebody I want to work with. Yeah. And you can't you can't transmit your energy through that, through technology. Yet I'm sure there might be a way soon. But yeah, I think we're figuring this space out.
I mean, we're we're going to have to. I mean, the competitive market is, I believe, going to be 75% remote, especially for if it's not a production type of industry, like if it's ourselves, if it's our server space, then I think that people that's going to be a part of contract negotiations now is have but remote or, you know, like whatever it is.
But I think you know as you're talking to as you're as we're talking about this concept of like having to shave off our personalities, our parts of ourselves in order to fit our how can we show our most authentic selves. I think part of that has to do with how we shape individuals from from birth, Right? I know that the school system is very rigid, arrange a place and they teach to the middle instead of the top of the bottom. And then other places teach to the bottom in everybody else.
The middle the top is, you know. Dominant generally for the school system. It's all taught towards being efficient and efficient. One basically, we homeschool our kids. Yeah, anybody who knows me knows I'm not a big fan of the school system, though. I think that there is so much good that could be done there. Yeah, that's being ignored. So I'll let you get back to that. Yeah, but I'm just saying, I think that that's going to have to change, right?
Like when we set up our our school system, you know, in the early 1900s, it was industrial based. And so, I mean, it. Had to be for the country to survive really like it needed to be that And I guess but it's really time for an update. I absolutely agree. I mean, when you talk about the region as a factory, we needed to replicate that in the classroom. We need to put, you know, rotation on a build schedule. We needed to have rows and we need to have our spacing in one direction.
And I think that unless we evolve and change with the industry, then we will continue to set people up to be carbon copies of each other. Now I'm thinking back to the first time I met you. We were at a a networking thing, I think it was at Powell, and he's the superintendent of Oklahoma City schools, was speaking and he was talking about how they're building in these new STEM packages, which which is kind of sounded like what we're talking about.
I didn't do any further research because I don't I don't smoke. It's a school that I was here. I was curious as to if that was a thing that was really taking hold, if they really are trying to, like, change the method in which education is given. Yeah, I think they want to early on, what do they call it? It's called ICAP. I was like individual students some place and and they're really trying to find out early on kind of these interest interest paths of students and individual career.
Yeah. So what they're doing with the $1 billion bond that we just passed I to the schools is they're trying to create these onsite opportunities for them to supplement their learning. So you'll have like a very traditional way of writing. We have math and history and science, things like that. But also on site we've had to do with our schools here in Oakland City is they had to go to another place in order to explore different careers, right?
This is where I metro to some of our our career techs. And so if you wanted to get outside of a nontraditional school bed and you had to spend half a day doing something else. So yeah, I do summer school. I have two schools that were like that where they're trying to weave it into that traditional path now so you don't have to go somewhere else. You can go across campus and they're implementing this for the high school level and then trickle down to the middle school.
And I think that's really cool. I think there's they they're starting to look forward and make it make college not the only entry point into professionalism, which I think is great. I absolutely also think we're about 80 years behind. Right. That's generous. Yeah. I mean, you go from my parents who, like I say, who didn't graduate in May 8th grade, seventh grade, picked up a what do they call it? They call it a occupation. That's what they call it.
Yeah. You didn't I mean, you became a foreman or you became whatever it is. And you don't have to do the day in seventh and eighth grade. Yeah. And then they start pushing in college. Right. And then you go to college. That was of the entry point to professionalism. But what they did is they took away all the occupations. And so now people were going to get degrees and then coming back and working in fields that they didn't didn't need degrees for.
And so now we're starting to see that train go back that way. And the reason I like it to circle back around is because now it gives our kids access to be individuals, right? Allows them to explore areas of their personality and their interest, and then they can move in that direction without accruing all the that are wasting their time in college. And then they're actually leaving high school with a tangible skill. Absolutely. Which used to be the case, which was. Started out as a case.
Yeah, we went away away from that. Is anyone even leaving college with a tangible skill? It was just. Degrees. And no ability to be able to do a thing. Absolutely. So that's I think that's good. So he's now I think that what we're seeing is that they're they're so tapped into who they want to be early. Right.
And whether that is career or gender or sexuality or traditional family structure or education or whatever it is we're tapped into this this space earlier now where it's like, who do you want to be?
And I think that the people who who are wasted have to live trying to figure that out is now pouring back into the system and saying, man, if I would have had somebody asked me this question to give me this opportunity in eighth grade, then I would have wasted these other eight years trying to figure out what I know now. And so I think that's really cool. You know, there's a caveat here in there as far as like, who do you want to be?
You know, I don't know that you can have one without the other, but I think that the individual part of not shaving off who you are in order to become what other people want you to be is the heart of the conversation. And I love that. Yeah. Who you want to be? I don't want you out. Is there an industry where you can step into that allows you to be your most authentic self Monday through Sunday? Is there is there an art?
Is there a skill as a tool that you could have in your hand as an industry, a group of people that will allow you to step in and be the most authentic version of yourself? If there is, then let's figure out who you are so we can then identify the industry or the space that you want to be in. And if I could have been within ten miles of answering that question, leaving high school, oh. My gosh. Like this podcast would be about ten years old. I would have been in this space way earlier.
Yeah, because honestly, I didn't find out that what my biggest strength was was having conversations and like, you know, putting ideas together. Yeah. And like, helping people, like how to put that all together. Yeah. I didn't know I wanted to put it together. Oh, my gosh. I didn't even know it was an option. Like, there's so many different things that were like barriers to entry to get into this place here. Yeah.
And if there would have been modes of, you know, just getting some other stuff out of the way, First off, my first thing I wanted to do, leaving high school was be a corporate lawyer. Really? Yes. Do you know why? No money. That was like. That was my driving thing is I wanted to make lots and money. I wanted to make money. And then directly after that, like once I got to college and thought about what the course would take was immediately not that want to do that? Yeah, that's terrible.
But then I wanted to be like, That sounds terrible. Yeah, I still does. I wanted to be a publicist for like, like the entertainment industry and that, you know, that to me still sounds good because of the networking part of. Yeah, of the part where you get out and you talk to people and you get to go to events and you like all that still sounds good, but it took me a long time to get to what actually was the, the root of that.
Yeah. And it was, it was about, you know, communication and community. And like, now that I get that was like, that's all, that's the thing I was looking for and all this other stuff I was doing. Yeah. And you don't need anybody to provide that for you. Like, I'm going to start doing it right here for my son around my house. Yeah. You know, And as it builds out, we'll get bigger and bigger.
And I love that man. Yeah. And to me, there's like, there's no, I want to it about people who feel like maybe it's too late, right? Or I'm stuck in this place are now I got to do it. I know people that are in that space right now, that's like I'm afraid that was out in Tennessee.
And she's like, I've been teaching for 20 years and I have so many more years of retiring because I started so early and she's like, part of me wants to try something else, but 20 years like I'm in, I don't feel like I have any of the other options. And I, I hate I hate it's unfortunate when people feel like this is our now and and so this is all I'm going to do.
And I understand the hesitation to become something different after you've have you've solidified your identity in another space and that's all people going to. It took me forever. Like when I, when I did games and wrecks and things like that.
And so when people one of them said they're like, I was a sports guy and I was like, Ooh, like Oklahoma City, let me have Oh, please, You know, it it took for me to go out side of the state and do all these really cool things that when I come back and was like, Oh, it's the mentor. And I'm like, Thank you. Like, I wanted to do that here. But the people within that will let me change. And I can totally see someone saying, Well, I'm the sports guy, so now I've got to be.
This was gone forever because I've put so much I've invested so much time and the energy in becoming that that the people will let me changed. I think it's called the cost and bias. Whenever whenever it talks about I've already spent this much money, time, effort into this project. I have to, I got to finish. I have case in point Fire department. Yeah, like ten years when you become best and retirement 25 is whenever you you get your full retirement benefits.
So I was in for 25 that was the plan was I was going to do 25 years because at that point everything I put in is going to pay off. Huge man. I was miserable, like I was miserable in year one, year one. I was miserable. Yeah, but I was I was convinced I was going to do 25 years and I was I was resigned to do that. And so the situation became, you know, so toxic that it was leave or get fired. Oh, my God. It was like, okay, God is obviously giving me a sign.
Go somewhere different, do something different. I was like, okay, because I've been thinking about it for a long time. I was I was terrified to pull the trigger because I spent too much into this. Yeah, it took me two years to get on, like, you know, to physically get ready to do the interview process and, you know, and then start the job. The first year is a nightmare. Then to go through recruiting, I had to go to EMT school while doing my first rotation then and having a new baby.
I had spent a lot my wife had to, you know, take care of our family completely by herself. For the first year, it was impossible to think. And now I just leave. Yeah, Now, yeah, I can't do that. And then, you know, I mean, to me, I'm in too deep. And guess what? I did leave and I feel so much better sometimes. Making the decision to leave despite what you spent, is the better decision. My goodness. I mean, it's, you know, and like I said, I was I was put in a corner.
Yeah. The choice is made for me. Like God was like, listen, I'm going to take it out of your hands for you because this is bad. Yeah. Like, I'm just I'm going to do I'm going to do you a favor, do you? Solid. Yeah, I'm going to just make that decision for you. Yeah, as like now you can just choose how you want to eat this pill, but you're getting it. I was like, Oh, okay, Yeah. And then at that point it was like, then the whole I can breathe. Yeah, It's like there's so much more air in my chest.
And now, like, I just feel I feel bad for everybody else who's trying to fit themselves either in a way into something that is not right or in something that's not right. Yeah. Because sometimes you, you know, it is the situation that you're dealt with and you do have to deal with it, but you can show up in a way that just creates more breathing room for you. And sometimes you're the way you keep more breathing room is by changing the situation. Ooh.
That's tough, bro, because those people of like, I mean, it's my livelihood is my retirement at this time. And then I think the worst thing, one of the worst things that I've ever put myself in is being in a space and then spending so much time and looking back, thinking like, man, like I do this sometimes with like a with like money. I'm like, man, I would have invested been, you know, you look at five, six, seven years down the line.
I mean, if I wanted, there are people that talk to $18,700 a week. Now, by the time that you're 30, you are you know, and people that are 30 looking back are thinking like, man, somebody will tell me that 18 is like, what would you really have? It's like, are you going to do it now? Right? Because you to start. Now in ten years, you look back and say. Well, exactly. And I think people feel like that about their careers of like they're looking forward looking forward, looking forward.
Like, man, if I can just I can just But it's like, what's the sacrifice of moving towards that goal? Like, how much of yourself are you going to lose or how much of your fire are you going to lose? How much of your creativity are you going to sacrifice in order to try to fit into this thing that everybody says? You should hit it right? As I heard by Shannon, workers, 25 year old retirement type thing.
And it's like I guess it's cool for some people, but you have to assess whether or not that's your story. I mean, there are a lot of people who love the fire from their say it's the best job in the world. And for a lot of people it is. Yeah. For me, it was not. Yeah. For people who look like me, it is often not especially like being a bigger deal, like being overweight and being black. That's not a good look. Like you're supposed to be fit if you're a black.
Yeah, if you're if you're a fit like dude, things are totally different for you. Yeah, but also, like I. And whenever I have a different idea, they're like, you're lazy, you're trying to, you're trying to get out of work. I was like, No, I think is a better way to do it. Right now. You're just, you know, you just lazy. So that's, that's a whole different feels. But which is tough, right?
Because it's like we're trying to be an inclusive place and let me represent the change that could take place. And it's unfair to say that someone is something because they they look or sound or present a certain way. And I think that's the place. Spaces like that don't allow people to shop authentically. No, they want us to show this is the box. Do you fit in the box? If not Jenn. In the box, Yeah. Usually get in the box or go somewhere else.
And I think again, that's the part of me I feel like I'm about this world. The part of me that understands the value of the box also wants the, the box, the change right? And so it's like, what am I like platforms is to represent to the world what professionalism looks like, right? It's like when. It's not a box as a polygon, like I'm serious or whatever it is.
If we change the number of sides and the size of it, it's where it's like, yes, you're still contained in something, but there's much more room for you to figure out different angles and find different spaces. Yeah, that's. What I mean. Because I think that there does need to be constraints on certain things. Yeah, and honestly, like some of my favorite things I've done, like, you know, with art and every creative stuff has come from having strike, you know, strict constraints.
So it's like they can create some awesome things whenever it's like, okay. And then, you know, just like the box now there's you can't move You can be got four sides to look at this from. Yeah there's not a whole lot but maybe we need a few more sides one more space. And we miss out when we when we don't include opportunities for other shapes to be involved. Yeah absolutely right. I think if you want this the side that you want, then you get whatever is into that box.
And that could be by design. Absolutely fine. But I think that as we're talking about people showing up in their most authentic selves, how can we create spaces where people don't have to shave off very important parts of their personality in order to do the thing that I think that has to challenge the system? Right. And and I know we're talking about some very lofty concepts. So I was thinking, yeah. I think we're very like eagle view, bird's eye view.
And I know those conversations are good to have, but it is we have to settle somewhere. But I'm saying when I think about people being able to show up and their most authentic selves without having to shave off large parts of their personality, then you start to get into, Well, what about this? What about this? What about this? And as I know, this is figured out when you get there, like, do I want to include as many people as possible?
If not, then and this is a very exclusive group, then let's let it be exclusive for whatever and then create opportunities for people to fit in similar environments. They may not be this way and I know this, so that's so vague. But then I'm saying like, I think the boxes are shapes. They exist for a very specific reason and I want to challenge why those reasons exist, because it's like I want to be a firefighter. I try to three times be a firefighter. Really, We didn't you never told me that.
It was added the O.C. OKC location and they do the like the the run and then the push up the the roof and then the pull the water hose and then the drag thing. And I came in, test tested, got passed test This test got passed positive test. And I was like, Is there any particular reason why I can't? That's why they wouldn't tell me in to one guy. I was like, you know, just give points for certain things, man, you're doing great, but there's other people.
And that's why as I'm going to a different career field, but I'm saying like, I wonder if I would have gotten in as creative and as open minded and as outspoken, but also as somebody that attempts to try to fit into different spaces, like how successful what I did and could I have done this if I had spent 15 years there, you know, just like exploring all these different things inside?
I don't know, like you, you have a better ability to as my wife's, she put it really, really poetically on the last podcast to be able to make yourself small and like, I don't think that's a very good thing. But you do. You do that. And do that. Well. And when you do that, the you know, the people like you, the alphas in the fire department say, okay, all right, you can get in my article. Yeah. I am not good at that.
No, whenever you're not good at making yourself small and saying like, I'm sorry, like, yeah, let's do your way is like if you challenged people all the time. Yeah. They don't see you as, like a as a maverick. They see you as a problem that you are a problem that you are a nail that needs to be hammered down. Yeah. And so if you just make yourself small, you're already down you don't, you know. So you probably would have done if you hadn't done all right. Yeah.
And you know, you're very personable like, you know, they like funny people like you would have done great. My friend Tommy is on there now. Another black dude. He's a he's really funny. Yeah. Not going to make himself small, but he's really funny. So even when people are, like, going at him, he can lighten up and then everybody else will laugh and they know I can't come at this guy. Yeah, I can. I can't do it this way. Not with him. I didn't have that. Yes, he is like.
So I was like, I did the things I needed to make myself your small one. Protect myself. You have them. And so for a lot of people, they're, you know, they're able to do those things and navigate the world and like for time I was there.
Yeah. The amount of financial security it gave me gave me the ability to see ahead and to actually envision a life in which I didn't do that or, you know, I did this or whatever to actually, like, look at the future and not to how are we going to pay rent this month. Right. And so like for as a career to like, get to a different place, I mean, it, there was nothing else for me that beat it but for the culture. Yeah I mean I wonder how much time do we have?
Does that I mean, we were kind of a little over, but I think I think this is a really good conversation. Yeah. And I think it's important. Because I think that people if I had to narrow down like if we're using fire department not to single out firefighters, but we're using it. Yeah. If I wanted to be a firefighter and they told me firefighters not only had to do this physically, but they generally talk like this. The humor is like this. This is what the environment looks like.
And I could match up who I am with what would be required in order for me to be successful. I think that would be an ideal entry point into the profession. But I think the bad part is that's not what happens. I don't know that there is a they say this is tough personality. You have to have this is the type of character you have, this type of basic thing that hard is committed in the long term. Is it things like that.
But it was like if I could leave the industry and I could say I can fit in, either I can fit how I am or I'm willing to shave myself down in order to fit. I think it gives people the opportunity to, one, either decide to fit and shave and or create other avenues. And I'm not everything's going to buy my. What I don't want to do is change how I understand. I understand why basketball players look a certain way. Mm hmm.
I understand why football players at the same way like football players, they just need more muscle. It's like you're literally running your body into other human beings. At 19, 22 miles per hour. You've got to have muscle under the pad. And I understand that. Right. But if someone who didn't have muscle wanted to play the sport in their life, why would you figure, yeah, I really want a football.
Like, can I stay this size and play and be successful or do I have to do chisora even brought it up because it says a lot. The example. I'm just saying I want to be able to I want I want people to be able to say, Can I play football? Can I be a firefighter? Can I be a graphic artist? Can I be a business owner? Can I be? And what does it take to be that? And if not, if I don't have that, can I create another place where I can still do the thing without fitting in this box? Yeah, I mean, like the.
It's so lofty, though. And both of those examples. No, you can't. You don't think so? No, no. You can't create in a place where you can go play pro football. No. There's not one that exists. And the XFL has failed three times. Yeah. Obviously, it's pretty hard to create another NFL. Yeah, the fire department is the fire department. Yeah. There is no other place. But we've got volunteer firefighters that. We do, and nobody takes them seriously. Really? So I think I'm sorry.
At least the fire department doesn't have this. Our fire department is one of the best in the in the United States. Really? By cutting edge like, that's cool. You know, the science, the the the measures in which they take to fight fire and prevent fire, both cutting edge like the best in the country. But the culture and the culture is probably, honestly one of the best in the country as well.
But they're just a culture of the fire department as a whole is one of the other like other them and less than and that's, you know, and part of it is because there are some good reasons that provide this bad culture. Yeah. Which is you have to look away, which provides confidence in the people who the public like. You have to be away all the time. And that's, you know, some of the things to how you behave has to be above reproach.
All these things and like in public, at least, but there's also things that have nothing to do with that. You know, it's like the way a person eats has nothing to do with their public persona, but they will pick you apart if you're you know, if you play, it's too big for you. You know, the one guy who is huge plate man. Yeah, it's like a very good circus animal. Jump over that Like if you like, there was a guy who would just ride me the way I drove.
He's like, Look at the way you hold your hands. Look like you're looking. You're driving a damn bus or something. It's like, how do you. I'm at ten and to like, what else are you going to do? Like, I'm learning this thing. I'm driving a fire engine is huge, like, and you're barking at me. So, yeah, I'm nervous. I might look a little clenched right now. Yeah, and. But just ride you and that's.
There's nothing I don't think beneficial long for that because there's all these, you know all these traumas that just slowly build up and all of a sudden you start trusting the people you work with. So the question is, is it so is it important to not budge on who we let in industries like that? Because you have to have a certain. They let me in.
Well, see if they got me out so well but for for there to be like what I think about the army right as well are even law enforcement like I think about the officers that I'm friends with and they talk about the number of officer fatalities increasing because there has to be like there has, they hesitate to shoot. Right. And it's like you're taught by ingrained, like get control of the situation and assess everything afterwards.
Like if you go in trying to assess, assess, assess, then that's when, you know, civilian casualties go. Also guys go. And so they're taught to to go in and control the situation and then we'll de-escalate set of it, de-escalate and get control and then, you know, all that is.
And so it's like when I think about the personality, the character type that that these officers have, it makes sense to me that the cars, these are the way that people go in and everybody is like, why do officers have to be this way? Can they have additional training that they have? And officers are like, Yeah, yeah, we'll do the training. But when you got a gun in your face, like, what do you do?
And we're getting people that are dying because they don't fit this personality style, they don't fit this character stuff. We need people to come in, guns blazing, get control, and then we'll de-escalate afterwards instead of trying to come in and do all those other stuff.
And so for me, when I'm thinking about law enforcement, it's like, okay, well, I would love for my local law enforcement officer to be in touch with his his or her feelings, to be emotionally astute, mean, it's like the other part of me and he's in the gang control. And so do I want to have officers. I want them to create training that allows for more leeway for more officers that are this dude. You total that type of mentality or do they need to have that switch? Okay, I see what I think it is.
Is there needs to be more segmentation in the job responsibilities of the police department. Okay. Like because there's a lot of check welfare's like there's a you know, there's a homeless guy laying on the side of the road. Yeah. They're the police are called to check welfare, right? They don't need to be there. So they still got to hit the needs to show for it. Exactly. There's no need for the police to be there right off the bat. Right. Like there's no like implied threat.
Yeah, but they show up and their job is to deal as if there is an implied threat, like their job is to walk in and assess the situation, get under control immediately. Okay. So they don't walk up to this, you know, this dude who's likely got some sort of mental problem. They don't say, Hey, man, what's going on with you? They say, Show me your hands. Yeah. And he's like, you know, he might hear voices. You don't know what's going to his head.
Yeah. So if he did have a weapon, he might reach for because maybe that's, you know, Charlie, who he knows. Whenever that voice comes, he's got to do a specific thing. Yeah, so. But they're going to react in a way. It's like, oh, he's, he's reaching. Yeah. And they're going to pull the gun. And that's how people who had no reason getting shot in the dead.
So, so doing so we need to do we need to expand the training of police officers or do we need to include people in the force that are unique to that demographic? I think that it's take away responsibilities of police officers. I don't think that they should be social workers. So we should send in social workers and. We should we I think our social worker like that, that just needs to be completely revamped and that should be the person who goes in that call.
The fire department shows up, they handle any medical issues. A social worker comes and helps with the mental issues so. That we give some of the workers guns. No, they don't. There's no once again, once there's an implied threat to call the police who are there to assess that. So I think this is where like so now we can provide nuance for for people that like when we go out to they handle situations like this. I think that there are 1 to 5 people that we can call right now.
There's one or two, right? So that's why I think what I'm talking about, allowing for the personalities to fit into this particular system, like what do we do? We give officers that additional training or do we provide space for other people who want to be in law enforcement but maybe don't want to do traffic stops? Right. And I think. For me, like, I see what you do, see where you're going. Okay. But I really I want that to be separate from the police because I think that you're right.
I think that, you know, dealing with the criminal aspect. Yeah, it. Does take a certain type of mentality, which is quick to make a judgment, quick to, you know, to analyze a situation, to profile. Yeah. Like and you know, as much as I don't like the idea of man. Filing, it's a quick process. But like, that's that's how it works exactly.
You built you know, you've got all these different recordings in your head from all your different experiences and trainings, and you just just run through them as quickly as possible. What fits about the situation? That's the same. Yeah, it's the same with, you know, fighting a fire. You like, you look at the fire and it's like, well, this is what I've learned about fires. This looks like this kind of fire and a fight like this kind of fire. Yeah, right.
This looks kind of this is like this type of situation. This person looks like they're under the influence of this thing. This. I'm going to handle this like that situation. Yeah, that's not the same as having, you know, dealing with the person who's laying on the ground, you know, and is likely not a threat. He very well could be a threat. Yeah, but you can't you can't treat people like that all the time. I agree. But my question is, is do we do we expand the individual or do we expand the box?
I think that sometimes the box needs to be turned into like two boxes. Okay. Yeah, I like that because I really don't think that trying to fit a social worker into the police department is. The thing is first they're going to have to go through recruit training. They're going to have to go through all the different stuff. Yeah, It was a police officer. Yes. And then they were going to say, okay, now go be a social worker.
It's like, okay, wink. Yeah, don't be a police officer because you're training for no, you know, two years to be a police officer. Yeah. I'm going to go, please. And I'm going to I'm going to report it like a social worker. That's a part of my job. I do now. Yeah, right. So, like, I just I just don't think that that there's a model of that in which they are, unless they are like police officers in name only. Yeah. Like every part of the training is completely different. Yeah.
And maybe like they wear the same even I don't even like them wearing the same uniform because then they agree. Then the public, you know, I agree. The optics are well, there this person is just like that person was. So one thing I love about working in the fire department is whenever people saw us show up, they were always like. Yeah. Because whenever the guy in the in the blue polo shows up, they're like, okay, he's here to help. He's here to make my day better.
Yeah. When the guy in the bulletproof vest shows up, my day is about to get worse. Yeah, like then that there's nothing you can do to change that somebody day is getting worse in the place, so. Yeah, I guess so. It was. It. It is. It's unfortunate, but it's the job that they like. It's the job like somebody needs to like something needs to be mitigated. Somebody has to go to jail. Somebody needs to be removed. In this situation, a bad thing has to happen for them to do their job.
Yeah, and it's not that they're doing a bad thing, it's just that for the for the the receiver of that act, it's going to be bad because that's how they, that's how it's resolved. Yeah. Yeah. And so I think I mean we're going to Delaney's point eventually I when I, when I think about talking about what pieces of us said we had to shrink our save off, I think there are some industries where people absolutely have to fit inside a box.
And I think there are industries where there is no box and people may maybe and I think these the the analogy of the box, but it's like however you show up this space for it. And I think there jobs that are along the spectrum where you get very little new eyes to be who you want to be versus we just want to make sure you get the job done. And I remember being I remember being in New York in Hell's Kitchen, the Hell's Kitchen area, and we were having breakfast and there was.
And that's not to show that is a District of. New York. Yeah. And we were at this breakfast place, and when I told you there was all kinds of people that served food, and I heard one of the people in the background, I mean, look at all the waiters. And then one of the waiters say, We don't care how you look as long as you can bring food to the table. Right? And I was like, whoa, what? Okay, we don't care how you look as long as you can bring the food is logically unique.
You can bring food the table. And I mean, it was like a you could put a combination of a person together if you can Mr. Potato Head, a waiter it in the place. And we were just white, but the food was good, the service was nice, the environment was legit. And I think I don't know that we have evolved to a place to that place where it's like, I don't care how you show up.
There are some places on the spectrum that are like that and there's other places that are like, We need to look like this, just like this, talk like this. Great. This is trying to behave like this. You know, body type needs to be like this. And I think in some places, as much as it pains me to say, I think that some of those places are necessary. Yeah. I mean, I just. I know I've don't disagree.
And but it was important to me and my business aspect is like I have like one or two coach people to, to be able to identify what's unique about them, how it's strong. Yeah. And how to apply that to whatever field they're in. I love that because there is a place. Yeah, like now in the fire department it would have been hard, but if with somebody on the outside helping me look at it and watch me through it, I could have been successful.
I could actually, because doing the wrong, I was successful there. Yeah, I was unhappy. Yeah. And that's the big thing is I want people to be successful and happy, right? I want them to feel like they're successful as themselves versus like, I'm getting all this success, but I don't even know who I am. Oh, and that's, you know, if I had it made 25 years, I would have been a shell of the person I am. At the air with all the money in the security and not even know who you.
Are. It's like, I don't even know what I want to do now because I am I even here? If you spend time doing that, being somebody else. Yeah, that's. So how do we prevent people from doing that? Right? Part of your coaching business, part of your desire is to help people identify who they are, is sharpened their skill. Tell stories, figure out what that is, where it is. And I don't know that there's this like it's new. Storytelling has become like it's the storytelling is as old as time.
It's like as old as people are. Storytelling has been around, but infusing it into our our professions and our life, our corporate lives like that, I feel like that's fairly new. Yeah, like in the last ten years, like there's been a bunch of different speakers who come on the scene and talk about how storytelling is for, you know, for getting people on your side and how it's important for interviews.
Have at some point, you know, being able to tell a story and ingratiate yourself to others is so important because as humans, we desire to hear stories. Yeah, I can't. It is ingrained in us like it's how we're meant to encode information in these stories. So if your story is hidden like you're hiding your story from everybody else, yeah, you are just folding into the fabric of everything around you versus playing. This is the most important part is getting to know your own story.
Like so many people have had zero reflection on that on the span of their lives. So good. And if don't reflect on your life, you you don't you don't even realize how much power is there. Yeah. Like there's there's, you know, the ability to make decisions is based on data, right? The better better data, better decisions. And if you have looked at none of your life and you're making decisions for you moving onward. Yeah, you have you are not accessing any of your data.
So how are you making the best decision? Yeah, but if you are able to go back, look at it, you know you can do this by yourself. A lot of people haven't done it because they're one. They're not committed to doing it right, too. They don't know how to. Do it exactly. And three, they didn't even know it was a thing that they weren't doing. Yeah. And so for me, like, I want to help people do that. Yeah.
Like the and then once you are able to tap into that just happened your story for one, you can make better decisions. You might decide that you are refreshing. Your end is not where you want to be because you're like, wait a second, all these things are leading up to X, right? Or you figure out that there is a opportunity that you have not been capitalizing on. It's like, wait a second. So when I went to college, I did this thing.
Yeah, that my first three jobs, I did this thing and now I'm at this place that has this opportunity and I'm for it because I didn't realize for the last ten years I've been doing that thing. It was called something else. Yeah, right. Yeah. And there's so much power in your own story. Like, nobody else can take that. Nobody else can be you. Right? So. So that power belongs to you, whether you use it or not. You know, that's that's your own decision. I think that people should use it.
Yeah, I think that's like that's what I'm trying to do here is, you know, use my power of my story, which is I've been through some things. Yeah, I've seen some stuff. Yeah. And it has molded me into a person who can help people navigate things, but also who's I'm totally unafraid to talk about anything that's happened to me like.
And it has been a lot, But I think it's by sharing stories and helping people share theirs, it's going to open people up to this possibility that your story is one that's not being told. So there's power in that. Yeah. And you said something else. I think it's really important that people don't know their own story, don't even know their own power. And to me, that's they just live life. They kind of taking it as it comes, which again, I think is is one way to live.
I don't I don't think it's the best way we can be more active and less passive with our own story than I think we begin to be more attentive and more reflective. But I think trying to figure out having someone from the outside look in and be like, look, look at the thread. That's a part of your story. I think that's powerful.
And then that gives you the opportunity to take ownership of those things instead of like, I mean, I don't know that people spend enough time reflecting and figuring out what their strengths are. Oftentimes people will operate according to what people tell them are their strengths, which is they're saying, Oh, that is my strength. And for me, like for me, the aha moment was whenever I was working like my last position at the fire department.
And I was, you know, I was doing the fundraising for the race and I was being told that the way that I was working wasn't good for the team. And I was like, But every task I've been given, every goal I was given, I'm crushed. Yeah, I like what you're doing it by yourself. You're supposed to, you know, work with team was like, I ask for people to do things and then I didn't do them.
I just did it myself. Yeah. And I was told that that was a weakness of being able to be self-sufficient and self-motivated. Was a weakness. Turns out that's my biggest strength. Like, that's my superpowers to be a one man army when necessary and to be told focused on a thing until the job is done. Yeah, and that's partially my ADHD is, you know, like I whenever something excites me, I'm in it. Like I'm, I'm about that thing.
I want to, you know, get all over it and find every crevice of it and I'm going to build it out. So it's first. Yeah. That was a bad thing. Even though the the results said everything different. So you can't always listen to people. Absolutely. They have all their own other factors. They have their own story affecting what they say about your story. Likely they looked at their story either.
And it goes back to that something about like what do you do with input of knowing your story is or normal, like other people's intent for you and then they provide you input, notify you, keep that or said it? Yeah, that's a process. And I think that's that's part of that process as well. And people say to themselves, Huh. Yeah, sure. Themselves trying to fit in the spaces.
So let me let me tell you, this conversation went totally different than it was going to go the first time, like when we first reported a quote unquote, recorded recording and there was no sound. This conversation went totally different. I'm so glad. Yeah. Like, I think that where we went was so much deeper and so much more about authenticity. Yeah. And this was going to and I'm like, I'm just really thankful that that weird thing happened. And then we ended up just on a different direction
and talking about, like, saving yourself down. Yeah, I think, you know, I want to throw this out there. If you enjoyed today's episode, check out our earlier episodes as well and consider subscribing because I would love to be able to keep doing this for a long time. And you know, the more subscribers you know that, the more gets out there and the more it provides support for it. And if you are struggling to shop as yourself and your content, your brand, your life, I would love to help you.
Authentic identity management does brand coaching to help you align yourself with the identity you share with the world. It's exhausting to live someone else's life, live authentically, and access a potential that belongs only to you. Contact me on social or email. Broussard Authentic management are authentic identity management dot com or I'm on the socials, all the socials that authentic identity management that's Facebook threads, the LinkedIn and Instagram.
And I think that I think that there's such a huge ceiling for this podcast and for that each individual's potential. Yeah, but this is not being tapped into, so I'm looking forward to so many different parts of this process, working with individuals and helping them, you know, tell their stories and also telling stories on this podcast.
I think it's going to be, I mean, so far two episodes in, and I think that we're just crushing it like this is going to be aired a third episode, but this is this is our to our second conversation. And yeah, and I think that and I think it's I think it's going to help people. I absolutely agree. And as we close if we're actually closing it sounds like because. We're at least closing the recording, we might still talk. But I really think it's important for people to figure out who they are.
And I say figure out I know it's never something that you fully arrive at because we're always changing and evolving, but I think that process has to be intentional. Yeah, but if we don't spend time pursuing, observing, reflecting on what we've done and who we are, what we want to become, then we just kind of let lightsabers right?
And I think when we let life shape as we become a different version of ourselves, that if we were to take our own lives in our own hands, and I think oftentimes people, then we're passive and they are active in the development of their own story. And so just for our listeners out there, our viewers out there as well, I encourage people like reflect daily, reflect weekly, like don't let it don't don't let life go to war without you.
Asking yourself and my who I want to be, am I doing what I want to do? Because if you don't, you'll wake up every Monday, every month, you go years. You haven't checked in with yourself. And then, you know, you don't take really hard right turns. You just kind of drift throughout life and you end up in places where you do not anticipate yourself anything. And sometimes it's good. Most times I think it's bad.
Yeah, but I would encourage everybody to become an active participant in the development of their own story. Is this what I want to do today, Tomorrow, next week? Is this who I want to be married to? Is this where I want to live? Is this a job I want to work like constantly reflect? Because if you can tell yourself yes and you ask the question, then you're on track. If it's a no or I don't know, then it's a moment to reflect and change course.
But I think we have to be active participants as if we don't, we'll just wake up. I can tell you how many times people have just woken up in their life. Who am I? What have I done? Where am I all about this job? And you catch even the the questions and the people on their deathbeds and in nursing homes and retirees. And what's something you would have done differently? And then there's all this stuff that they would have done.
How cool would it be to address those things along the way instead of at the end of our lives? And if you can't do it by yourself, get help from me. It doesn't you know, I'm not a therapist for one. I am not going to be able to, you know, fix any any mental problems you're having. Yeah, except for possibly an imposter syndrome. And a whole different episode. But if you need I mean, no, you do need to assess your story. Yeah, but if you need help doing it, get help.
I've said it doesn't have to be me. Like it can be anybody. But take the time to put in the work. Look at your story and see what's there. Because if you haven't done it, you will be surprised you like. The biggest thing that I uncovered was how much my childhood trauma affected the decision. My decision making later in my life. What? Yeah, I didn't even realize. I had no idea.
I was still reacting to this thing from my parents, you know, arguing in front of me all the time and how that affected my marriage. For a while I was like, that was. That was problematic. Yeah, big time. But I didn't. I was totally unaware of it. I had no idea the root of why I was triggered by some things because I'd never looked back at my story like, really? Wow. So Derek Isiah has been here today. Derek, if people want to find more about you, what can they find out more about.
Their their site on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn. I'm on Twitter, but I'm not active Twitter so it's always difficult. And then threads. I'm not an early adopter. It takes a while for me to have a board, but I tell you, Snapchat in my mind as well, you know, to revert Monster.com, which is my website. Derek Sorry, that column is also another one where you can find me and contact me. Life List is also another one, which is a book based website based on my second book.
But I mean all those locations. It to plug your book real quick, I know you have books on Amazon. Yes, I've got small stores, book teams. It talks about the individuals place and big teams. And I just have these these small stories talk about how you can fit into group settings. Life List is a book that's talking about I used to interact with my kids in the car quite a bit and I used to ask them, Hey, told me something about your day and I have like my fills.
Okay. So I started tasking them with Tell me something you learned. Tell me something cool that you did. And they would get in the car and they would tell me the cool things about their day people that they connected with. I just gave them very specific prompts, and then they started asking me about my day and I'm like, Whoa, wait a minute. This guy. So my deal was I would come back to them with a list of things.
And so based on the things that I listed for that year, I wrote a book or all my observations of the year. So just encourage people to like, show some gratitude through observation. I'm just kind of the little things, and. That's a book of lists. That's. Like a little life lesson. The first one was Small Stories Meetings. My third book is called Hallway Leadership and talking about the importance of adults being visible in kids spaces.
And so in school it's the hallway, which is where the teachers are not in charge, this kid's domain. Right. And so, like, how do we become active, visible kids spaces as adults? And then the fourth book is called Dear Ricky. I know you're a four. Both Yeah. So dear Ricky is it's a it's a it's almost like a journaling book. But I was talking to a guy named Chanel Gary, who's the car to this book as well.
And I was like, Man, if you ever went to school with somebody who was like, smarter or more handsome, like they jumped higher and faster, they, like was a girl with the ladies, you know? And then ten years later, you're like, Oh, what happened to that guy? And he wasn't as successful or it didn't turn out the way that is. Notes are out. And he was like, Yeah, then it would slow it down in Richard. And I was like, We could go back and give Richard a heads up or something like, What would it be?
And so we created these, these four main, it's physical wellness, mental health, wellness, affirmations and relationships in the four categories. And we just wrote these little notes in these subsections of like Reiki drink more water Reiki take naps are Reiki word is not take it or water Reiki hang around all people really get them into it. And so it's called Dear Ricky because I write these little moments awesome bags every year.
So it's a mentoring book that we use to help launch mentoring organizations and so that's the fourth book you can find that on Don't ask Ricky dot com. The other life of this dot com is more stories and how we leadership you can find who leaders are. All right man there's a lot that's a lot yeah the last question you got anything coming up that's big big events big names Oh. Yeah. I'll be. I'll be working with Steve. I'm going to see on Wednesday helping them with their executive leadership.
They have a cohort that's a year long. It's a kind of walking them through Sandy and the type of things. I don't know either one of those man spoke. They say diversity. Yes, we talked about this already. Yeah, we did. Every time we threw in the idea because we also. Like the idea in our lives. So that's diversity. Equity and inclusion. But it's just kind of we're trying to backdoor the conversation because I believe it's got so narrow and muddy and so.
Well, I mean, I wish we just talked a lot about the city of Oklahoma City. I was going to say say I did so yeah. So, you know, some of my thoughts about it. Yeah, I think we talked. I think we I think we made some headway on that that might hopefully might help you into that conversation with a little bit more information. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so based on the conversation, I've kind of re formulated an approach that I was talking about how more of a connection a relationship guy and then you're like, that's what it is. Like, that's all it is. The sound evokes a little bit more of that. I'm working with critics for the state.
I'll be Utah doing some things and then I'll come back and I'll fly from Utah to Atlanta in Atlanta back to Oklahoma City, where I'll be hosting Ripple Oxy with Doug Hacking, EMC and that and that's like a TED Talk type of thing. And then the following Sunday, I'll be working with a men's group. And so trying to stay active, manage, obviously busy. So what when is ripple like? Is that is that a thing that people will have the opportunity to attend? Yeah. It's a public event.
You can actually go to Ripple I think is Ripple okay dot com and you can find out about the event. It's Friday, August 4th. I believe this. All this is happening that. Quickly. Yeah the next two are pretty busy for me. I'm so glad I caught you when I did it so that when you get back so. When we when we were in Texas and I was like, I assure you that immediate day because I knew if it was in before then, then it as the next two weeks, you're pushing the second, third week of March.
Okay. Yeah. So I want to get on that pretty soon, which is really cool. But yeah, just say I'm busy, man. Everything connection and community and mentorship base. Like I said when we started out 2 hours ago. Yeah. Like I try to really stay in those lanes and so being able to work not only state of Oklahoma, but I'll be going Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Utah, Atlanta, back to Oklahoma City over the course of two weeks. I'm excited about being able to talk about the things.
Well. Thank you so much for coming on, especially for coming on early on my podcast. You easily could have been like, get a couple episodes under your belt. Now and then I'll show up for you because I think that this is going to very early on provide a tone for the kind of show that I want to do. Yeah, like I think that, you know, these kind of, you know, serious, important conversations while also having fun.
Yeah, it's so important and like, there's so much to be gained from them and like having different people's opinions shared in a space where, you know, I'm not trying to attack you, you're not trying to hack me at all. We might, you know, we might have some differing opinions, but hopefully we're going to learn something. And those shared insights are going to create growth in, you know, in our society. Yeah, yeah.
And I want to be like in the same way that the Joe Rogan ask people back on three, four or five times, I want be the guy because that means I want to talk about this. Episode six. Episode eight. This has become Michaela was just like Bruce and Derek. Sorry. Ethnic one I love that. I mean I want to I want to invite you. I'm taking this leap. This jump. Hey, thank you. And like, I mean, you were you part of it? Yeah.
I just you know, like I said, our conversations, you know, our conversations were called failure talks because, I mean, I met with them and I just asked them, like, if there's anything I could do to help you, what would it be? And I said, I want to learn from your failures. Yeah, like you've already done it. Like, don't I don't want to do it again. If there's something I can learn from, like, let me do the. Absolutely.
And he could see he's taking the time to sit down with me in a couple of hours, you know, every couple of weeks. Just talk through the ways that he's, you know, kind of gone awry and different like many of, you know, from family life to business life and everything. It's just has laid it out for me. And I'm and I've learned some valuable insights and not taking the right steps early enough was was somewhat some of those.
And from you and Regina and my friend Kate, all of those things were saying, you need to start podcasting. Yeah, you need to stop waiting because it's like this was always the thing that was like, Yeah, I think I'll do that eventually. And it was like, Just do the thing. Yeah, stop. Like waiting for all the stars to align. Just start doing it. I made the joke and my wife said, like last night, this is weird. My wife said, I'm so proud of you.
And I'm like, Okay, you. Yeah. But then she said it again, like she's told me she's probably before. She's never told me twice in the same day. And I was like, What is going on? She's she's like, I could have told you whenever I met you over 15 years ago, that this would have been a space where you would have been great creative, like I've always thought, you need to talk to people in to help people.
And I was like, You know, I usually don't have a problem getting confident like I got of, like my accolades. But this was on a different level is like because I've been feeling for one, like I'm in the midst of a moment where things are about to change significantly for me. Yeah, I because like, I feel like I know, like I'm feeling very better so like I'm doing the thing right now and like, I've never felt that way before.
Yeah. You know, it's like when we moved down here to, you know, change our life to start the fire department. Like, you know, we left Tulsa to come to Oklahoma City. Like, I was a big move. It didn't feel like this is the thing. I didn't feel like it begins now that like as I was setting up my studio and here I was like it started. And the first is for her to have that is she's like, I'm proud of you. I was like, okay, this is feeling.
This is feel real like, you know, we're like, good in a good way. It's not feeling like there's not extra pressure in these is like it's happening. So I'm and I'm really excited and thank you guys for your time and your your commitment and I think it's going to be a really good thing. Yeah. And I hope that, you know, you are able to some of the people that you have to support, you will listen and we'll gain something and hopefully we'll, you know, maybe even reach out.
Want to be on the show because I know you know some pretty know some heavyweights. Yeah. I mean I keep I keep showing up at events I keep shaking hands is he is turning the heads and so I love it. Yeah this going to be good project momentum probably growth. All right. Well thank you everybody for listening to our authentic on air with Bruce Alexander. This has been Derrick Sire and he has been a fantastic guest and he will be back. So thank you, everybody. Have a great day. Who's.