done. So, yeah, I'm grateful for that. But, you know, speaking honestly, I know that I do not have it all together. I was just telling my daughter the other day, I feel like I'm spinning plates and some have fallen, Hello and welcome to Authentic On-Air with Bruce Alexander. On today's show, I'm sitting down with Regina Joy Lane, wife, mother, successful entrepreneur and community enthusiast. I'm excited to see where this conversation goes today. But first, today's reflection.
As you build or integrate anything new into your life, what role does authenticity play in your implementation? For example, I have started a new workout regimen and it was important for me to scale way back from previous programs I've done because they were motivated, motivated by fear and shame, and they were very hard for me to sustain. I know what I want for my fitness but fitness plan now because I know how to honor myself better. Do you think about things this way? Why or why not?
As always, I'm genuinely interested and would love to hear any interesting, surprising or above revelation or insights uncovered. So you can hit me up on Instagram, Facebook threads, or LinkedIn. Often it identity management. Okay, so I'm pushing into a growth phase now for Jean, and I have only had one real conversation to speak out. And she struck me as somebody who has it together. So I'm trying to get my interview game up because this isn't just my buddy doing me a favor. This is Regina Joy.
Welcome, Regina. Thanks for being here. I'm so happy to be here with you as a loud voice. But let me be the first to say I do not have it all together. Let's just start. Let's start off right. It's funny. I mean, that's that's a really important thing about perception, is that we all think that somebody is doing it better than us. Oh, yeah. A million people. I can give you a million people that in me. Well, from our conversation, I thought you were doing it pretty well.
And you've got some some pretty solid success to to say that you're doing something right. I'm grateful for the things I've been able to achieve. I am ambitious, woman, so of course I want to do more. But yeah, I think I can look back in and say, okay, I was able to get that done. I did that, or, you know, I was able to achieve that. And I am grateful. So I'm not I'm not one of those people that is like, oh, you know, it's sort of this fake humility all the time.
You know, like, oh, no, I don't know how I was. No, I worked my tail off to get that done. So, yeah, I'm grateful for that. But, you know, speaking honestly, I know that I do not have it all together. I was just telling my daughter the other day, I feel like I'm spinning plates and some have fallen, some are wobbly. I'm trying to figure out where I can get more plates, but I've never felt like, Oh, all the plates are spinning at the same time. Look at me.
Like I've never I've never felt like that. Do you think you would find comfort if all the plates were spinning? No. What is that? I've heard this Brené Brown quote where Joy is like the scariest feeling, which consequently is my name. Like, Sure. But when I'm watching this, she says it's the scariest feeling because when people feel joy, they're like looking over their shoulder. Like, when is it all going to fall apart?
Now, I wouldn't say I thought that was interesting to hear, but I wouldn't say that I ascribe to that train of thought. Joy is my middle name. I do find a lot of joy in life. It's been a mental and a mantra for me from birth. Funny story that my dad named me Joy before he even knew I was a girl. Oh, really? Yes. Because I danced around my mother's womb, still dance. And to this day. But I do. I am one that I'm always going to be looking for. Silver lining.
I'm always going to be trying to find the positives in some of the ugliest situations. And that's the gift I realized that most people don't have, and I thrive off of that. So Joy has been a super power for me. But yeah, definitely, I could see how having all the plates spinning at the same time would be a joyful moment. That would be like the ultimate pinnacle of joy for me. I have yet to experience that. So there's something to something to work towards.
I have I have a bit of a theory about people thriving in chaos, but I do I do want to chase down. But first, let's get a little bit more backstory with you. If you don't mind telling our listeners who exactly you are, what you're currently doing with your time, and why you think you're here. That's it. Really. Those are all three heavy questions. So let's. Who am I? And Regina and daughter of Willie and Helen. Both my parents are from the country, so we always joke about living in the city.
I grew up in Greenwood, which is just in the shadow of downtown Tulsa. I'm sacred ground, so I'm grateful for that. But we always had a very country life and lifestyle in the middle of the city. We had a full fledged vegetable garden. So I'm a I'm a big city, a big country. I'm number nine of ten kids. So. Wow. Yeah. So I know how to adjust. And I'm a wife. I'm wife to Adam Lane. This is my second marriage. So I think that is a story in and of itself.
But I'm so grateful and happy to be married to Adam, have three children from a previous marriage. So I'm a mother and all girls. I've been a mother to two international students. Um, so and there are a lot of my kids friends that call me Mom. Even at the I worked at a school for a time, and some of them even call me mom. So I guess you could definitely call me a mother. But I'm also ambitious. I have dreams and things that I want to do, places I want to go, tell people that I want to meet.
So I'm constantly on the go. I'm learning in this season of my life the value of rest and restoration and pausing. And let's see, who am I? What's you currently up to? What am I currently up to? Goodness. So I am currently up to running my own consulting gig. So it's Regina Joy Consulting and I consult on DIY and women's issues, also teach workshops. I did some keynote speaking as well as curriculum that I can license out and also running a podcast.
So it should be launching officially in this month. So I'm really excited about that. And if we go too far for our audience, who doesn't know DIY as well, do you? Yes, DIY is an acronym for Diversity, Equity and Inclusion. I really specialize in creating inclusive workplaces, so that is my passion and I get to do it every day and I'm very grateful for that. Just helping people get along, work better together so that everyone can feel safe and valued and heard in the workplace.
And the podcast is Woman Every Day, which is a podcast that specializes in highlighting women who are mothering, who are ambitious, and who are also navigating relationships while trying to juggle, you know, being a parent as well. So I think it takes a special kind of person to do what we do. And because we don't do it all well, but we're still able to accomplish great things. So that's what I'm up to now.
And I think what brings me here today is hopefully in our conversation that you saw something authentic in me. I definitely saw authenticity in you. And I'm I'm hoping that you're curious to learn more, just as I am curious to learn more about you. So I'm excited to be here. I mean, you answered that question so thoroughly and you win that question so far. I think I love winning Gold Star. So you talked about, you know, the DIY. Is there a reason why that's especially close to your heart? It is.
I grew up in a family that was very diverse. I have both my parents who married before they got married and have two brothers that are biracial and then are just the spectrum of our family in general is very diverse. I mean, I have I had a brother who was married to a Pakistani woman. They have a son. I think diversity is beautiful. I think that learning about different cultures is a beautiful things.
I've always been very interested, which is how I ended up with both a Chinese and a South Korean student living in my home. And I think that we can all learn something from each other and then everyone has value if we take the time to know it. So it's been a lifestyle for me. Excuse me. And now that, you know, when you look at the spectrum of the workplace and and we spend so much time at work. Right.
Much more than, say, our parents or especially our grandparents work takes up a lot of who we are. And I think for a long time we were not allowed to bring our full selves to work. And I think that that sort of takes away from who we are to have to put on a different face for work. Now, up until, you know, the last 40 years, the workplace has been predominantly white and there are obviously still many places that are predominantly white.
But when you are not white and you're going into a workplace, it could be very hostile and uncomfortable. It can cause stress and anxiety for a lot of different reasons. Sometimes that's intentional by some of the people in the workplace to create an environment where you don't feel comfortable and you leave. But I think we all know that's illegal.
And then there are some people who do things unintentionally, either through implicit bias or just other ways that we have about us that we're not completely aware of. So for those people who want to create a place for everyone to feel comfortable, which by the way, diverse workplaces have greater productivity, they increase the bottom line.
So if you want a place that is bringing the best and the brightest to your workplace, then you want to create an environment where everyone can come in and thrive, that people feel comfortable sharing ideas and collaborating with others in the workplace and so if you want to build an environment like that, you call someone like me to come in and help dispel any hang ups, any, you know, implicit bias that may be there. And it's a process. It doesn't happen overnight.
The first layer is just becoming aware of it in the first place. So making it a safe place for people to be themselves. And it takes time and it takes intentionality and authenticity and I think if more if more leaders could just acknowledge the fact that we don't have it figured out right, that that is the best first step to making progress in creating inclusive workplaces. That's really insightful. And you mentioned both intentionality and intensity.
And I was going to ask you so this is, as far as I know, the second leg of your successful career life, like you started a business and was able to sell that off in both this new venture and the previous one. How important was it for you to be intentional about building authenticity into your into your business as you were starting it from the ground up? You know, that's really good. I mean, right now this consulting firm is really centered on me.
I mean, it's called Regina Joy, and a lot of it is birthed from my own experiences being black, being a woman in the American workplace has yielded many different experiences. And so if I can make it better for me, then my hope is that it can be better for all. And we're not even talking about trans people who can't even enter into the workplace to begin with. So I like that's a whole another conversation.
So it's like once the path is clear and clean for even trans people to come into the workplace and thrive, then we're really going somewhere. But to go back to my first company, RJ, these concepts, it was a marketing company. Yeah, that really started off as a a stationery and gifts company because that's what I love. I love all things pretty. I'm a paper snob. I am it. So that is how I started our JB's stationery and gifts.
And I would design my own stationery and sell it online and as a result, I ended up, when I'm self-taught graphic designer, started building my own website. So I became a self-taught coder developer, website builder, designer, all the things I know way too much. I can really nerd out. I mean nerd out on some web development. And as a result, I started getting clients like, Who built your website? I did. Can you build my website? Yeah, I guess. Sure. I don't want to turn down any money.
At the time I was a stay at home mom too, so I was like, Sure, yeah. Anything I can do to bring some revenue to this household. And so after I started building websites, then I started getting my business clients who were like, Oh, can you do my letterhead and your business cards? And then that ventured in, spilled over into social media. So before too long I had a full fledged marketing company. I had eight employees and W2 employees. I just want to put that out there.
Like that's a whole nother ball game. I had office and we had corporate clients who were paying us, you know, monthly fees to handle all of their marketing. We'd go, Man, we were doing video. So it was really birthed from my own experiences and till point where I even got away from the actual artistic practice of it, right? Because I ended up just sort of directing projects and had other people who were on staff.
So had a lot to do with my experiences and staying true to like what I wanted to do and how I wanted to do it. It sounds a little bit selfish, but definitely authentic to to me and, you know, because people try to bring other things that way. And I'm like, I'm not so much interested in that. These are the things that we do well. We would dabble in a few things if we wanted to, you know, grow in certain areas.
But after we created this full service marketing firm, I mean, things really took off in a big way. So was it how much it took off and you kind of lost the ability to focus on the creative that made you, in the end, walk away from it? MM Really great question. So me walking away had a lot to do with everything that was going on in my life at the time. So I told you, I'm on my second marriage, which means there was a first marriage.
And you know, I never thought I would ever be divorced in my life. I had married my high school sweetheart and and we had been together since high school. We have been together over 20 years when we finally divorced. But I could see I was feeling very stressed, very overwhelmed, trying to run a business, take care of my employees. My marriage was falling apart. And you talk about falling plates. I mean, they're just crashing. And I don't even the the polls that the way was everything is falling.
It's all fallen. And so at that point, it's sort of like, okay, I've got to do what's best for myself or my girls. Something's got to give. And it's now going to be me and it's not going to be them like that, I know for sure. So like, all this other stuff can get out of the way. So when it came to the business, I said, You know what? I can't. I've just had to have a very honest conversation with myself. I would rather give up this business so that I have more capacity to focus on.
At that time, when I gave it up, I was trying to write Can this marriage work? And it not like so focus on my marriage, focus on my kids and focus on my own freakin mental health and peace Like, good Lord, that was a very, very stressful time. And I sold the communications arm to our communications person, sold the graphic design to the graphic design person, and that was that. The rest of it, I just kind of let it go.
I kept the web design that was easy and lucrative, and so I kept that and ended up getting a divorce, which was very painful and long. It was a three year divorce and a two day trial. A zero out of five stars didn't do that. I definitely do not want to go in that right. If I go, Oh my God, no, no, no. And, you know, and at the same time, I can stand on this side and say I did everything that I could to save my marriage. And also, I'm glad that I walked away.
And also, even though it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, if I had to do it over again, I would. So really falling down that path a little bit. How much of that decision had to do with honoring yourself? Yeah, all of it, because I was being gobbled up in the process, like the stress, the weight. So even and this is not why we got a divorce. And, you know, I want to pause right now and give props to my ex-husband. We did the very best that we could.
We did the very best that we could. It just didn't work out for a number of reasons. But I definitely saw I saw myself fading away in the marriage and not in a I need a more prominent position or not that I found myself becoming quiet, tucking away like I was. I was not myself, and we were not kind to one another. And we we went to counseling and we tried to do everything that we could to save it. But it got to a point where he was going to live his life the way he wanted to live it.
And I had a choice. Do I want to cosign on that? And I choose? No. I think I have a lot more life to live. I'm feeling squashed and suffocated in. I am wilting away. And so I had to I had to do something to save me. And I think there comes a point in everyone's life, I'm gonna speak for women. It's But I think there comes a point where you realize, uh, the Calvary is not coming.
You got to say you, you know, and I'm saying that I'm putting a lot of emphasis on me, but I don't want to take any emphasis away from my faith either. And a believer in Christ. And I mean, you talk about being alone with Jesus like that was a season where, you know, I think about the poem Footprints where I just saw one one set of footprints in the sand. Lord was carrying me through that season.
So, you know, I'm definitely glad that I got through it and that we were able to bring the kids through it. But we all everybody suffered through that time. And in a lot of ways, we're still picking up the pieces from from that season. I'm grateful for growth and that we have gotten further away and I'm grateful to have met and fallen in love with the man like Adam. He is like, I didn't know I could be like this. Like when the world.
So I'm very grateful to have a partner that here's a really good example and this is this is not a date on my ex-husband because like I said, this was just kind of how we grew up very much in a gender roles. So my ex-husband would work all day, come home, play video games, I would work all day, come home, cook clean kids, all the things. Good Lord, it was like chipping away at my marriage. I mean, now we both work all day. I could come home. He's cooking. Or maybe I'm cooking.
Or maybe we're eating now. He claims I'm clean as well. He probably claims more than I do. I'm sure if he were listening, he would be like, I clean. He did the grocery shopping the other day, Sunday. I did it yesterday. Like so there's definitely a shared partnership. I feel like I have a partner. Yeah. So in the first episode we did, I was having a conversation with my wife and she talked about the capacity to make herself small in situations.
And what I'm hearing from your first marriage is that you mean you guys started as babies, basically, and as you as you both grew, you started to lose your capacity to grow as his as his shadow was casting over. Yeah. And some people have the capacity to make themselves small for a goal or for, you know, an overall objective. But at some point you have to look at yourself and say, Is this what I want? Is this what I want? Is this what I want?
And it sounds like you had to make a choice and and you really did try everything we did. I think first of all, we were both entrepreneurs. He had his own law practice and marketing firm. So we're both out here hustling like that entrepreneurial hustle is like next level and God bless the you know, if you have a spouse that is at home and kind of kind of hold down the home front, that's a great. But it was both of us holding, you know, hustling outside the home. But coming home, it was just me.
And that's not the reason why we got a divorce. And I feel like that is reconcilable. Right. Right. And the divorce was really more about the vows that we made that weren't kept. And so at that point, it's sort of like, okay, I got all of this. I'm like, out here hustling. I'm coming home, I'm hustling at home, and you're not eating, keeping vows like it's a no for me. And I will say it wasn't a quick now, it took years for me to get to that place.
I mean, being a woman of faith like marriage holds a higher regard. Oh, my God. Yeah. So to even what? I'm walking away from a marriage like boy, like that is years and years of of it's just not working. Well, like, at all. I have tried it all. I'm a I'm a ride or die kind of girl. I'm definitely long suffering. I wish I weren't, but I am. I just made me a little bit different So yeah I gave it all that I could. I mean, 20 years, it's a good chunk of time. It is.
So, I mean, being able to walk away from that and look at it in the way in which you appreciate it as a life experience and you don't look at it as I wasted, wasted 20 years of my life. I feel like that takes a lot of self-awareness and a lot of looks more and more before not Humbleness is in the word. I feel like it's like, you know. But they definitely placed. In humility in there for. Sure. Humility. That's what I'm looking for. And, you know, we were both well known in the community.
A lot of people looked up to us and held us as a couple in high regard. So it really hurt to. So how did that how did you reconcile that part? Because that speaks a lot to you. Honoring yourself is saying, I know that you all think this about me because I'm part of this couple, but I'm something different and it's not working for me the way everybody thinks is. Yeah. And at the end of the day, quite honestly, I just don't feel like I owe anybody any explanation.
And, you know, I'm in a private relationship. What you saw was what you got. So, you know, no fake news over here. I certainly wasn't faking it. I loved him for sure and and still have love for him. But it just got to a point where this is not what this is not the type of marriage that I want. Our ideas and ideals around marriage did not align anymore. And so I made my split.
And anybody that has a thought or family in one way and then was shocked and, you know, God bless you, I'm not going to lose any sleep over what you thought. I and I kid you not. People came to me in tears when they would hear the news and they're crying like I have cried all my tears. Like, I'll just rub you on your back and you know, God bless you. I'm so sorry that you're hurt by this, but it was a good choice for me. I will say this. I think it's important.
We've come a long way, my husband and I, so much so that he'll find this funny on Sunday, he came to my home and. And installed a new Wi-Fi network like he went to the store to go shopping for us and my husband and I and then came and installed it. It was a full circle moment. So we've we've come a long way. We can chat about the girls, make jokes and have a good time.
So I know you can't speak completely for him, but do you think that your separation was something that led to a lot of personal growth for him as well? Oh, for both of us for sure, Yeah. Sometimes it really does take being outside of this, you know, this collective that you've been part of so long to really be able to look at yourself and see how you haven't been what the other person needed. Yeah. And for me, I was, like I said, letting go of myself. I needed to find myself.
I was in a therapy session and the therapist goes, What do you do for fun? And I cannot think of anything. And I just started weeping. You know what I want to be when I grow up? I just could not pull it from anywhere. And I was like, Oh, crap. I completely let myself go trying to, you know, support my kids, support my husband, you know, because I was there through law school, through starting his practice and all of that.
And it's like I have given up so much of myself that I don't have anything left for me. And I love this. My therapist said this at the time and I still carry it with me. He said, You can't pour from an empty tank and I know maybe I've heard this before. He said, But you have to fill your tank first. So my homework was to excuse me, find something that I love to do and get involved. And that happened to be there. Well.
Long story short, my first degree is in musical theater, so I got back involved in the theater. And from that I have now also started a theater company. Really? Yeah. Wow. Just from getting back to what filled my tank. I don't know how you have time to also have a theater company, but that is that's really amazing. About the placement these play. So for now, if I were to ask you what you do for fun, would that be the answer? That would be one of the things I do for fun.
So now there's multiple things. What did I say before? Well, no, before there was nothing. You didn't have anything to tell you that for fun? Oh, yes. Oh, so now. But now you come up with things. Oh, my God. Yes. I mean, listen, my tank stays full, but from a full tank, I can be a better mom. I can be a better wife, I can be a better friend, better daughter. If I have nothing to pull from. You're getting nothing. You're not getting the best of me. So, yeah, I keep my tank full. I love good food.
I love nature. Like that was something that I found during going through the separation and divorce. Like, I didn't know nature was healing for me. So, you know, going out to the lake, taking what's watching the sunset, listening to the water lap against the shore like birds, all of that. I had no clue. Hiking was never on my radar. And now your girl loves a good hike. Your girl loves the hike. Okay, so I had no idea that was in me.
But as I started to explore trying to keep my tank full, now I know all of these things I love to do. And so I take it as my duty as the host of this show to really highlight moments and people who are doing the thing I want to see people live their life has, and one of them is enjoying it. And so hearing you talk about like that, you didn't know that you enjoyed nature so much, you know? Yeah, it's this whole situation right here. I'm loving it. That's why you catch me. Yeah, but.
I, like, I took this over for my wife. I can even take, you know, this is her space that she shared with me because. I might find you for this. Well, I don't. I don't take it over all the time. Yeah. To record. I, you know, and I actually write in here sometimes now, but she can come sit across from me if she wants to hang out and and it's been nice.
We, you know, sometimes we sit here and it's like we're having a podcast because we're just having discussions and it's, it's really opened us up because usually I was back in the office, which is when the doors closed, like kind of let me work on focusing on stuff. And I've, you know, I've also pivoted what I'm working on to where it's much more open to being conversant all the time because I need to be a better conversationalist to be a good podcast.
Host Yeah, so, so I'm like, Yeah, come on, let's talk. That's just practice. Yeah. I mean, listen better so but yeah, you really, you've done many of the things that I would prescribe to people who are listening to the show, you know, which is kind of take stock of your life. Are you doing what you want? What are you willing to sacrifice to get? You know, your goal is like you looked at all those things and then you had the courage to actually take those leaves and leave a 20 year long marriage.
Scary. Which I don't you know, I don't want that for anybody. Right. Unless it's what you need. Right. And then because but some people that's what you need. Yeah. And for you then that moment, that's what you needed. So it's like I really love to hear that you were able to have that that courage to do that and then look at you now, like so you're the perfect example of honoring yourself and then getting to see the benefits of it. And you're living such a fulfilled by now.
Absolutely. And I'm grateful. And, you know, I can look back and I can say, man, I learned so much along the way about myself, about what it means to be a wife and when you need to be a mom. You know, I would love to think of myself as someone who is, like, keenly aware in the moment. But there are some lessons that you just don't get until well after the fact and you look back and it's like, Oh, the dots start connecting for you and you just have to be. So for me, I'll speak for myself.
I'm just so grateful for the lessons and still learning and still evolving as a human. And I want to be better. I want to be a better wife to Adam. I want to be a better mother to my kids. I want to be a better steward of what's been entrusted to me, be it work, business, clients, friends, family. And so there's a growth, there's growth, there's room to grow, and there's much to learn. So how important do you think growth is to being authentic?
I think growth is essential to authenticity, because if you're being real and there there are seasons to every day where you're like, you know what? I don't have all of the knowledge for this thing. Let's just let's take one in a podcast. I want to be a podcast host. I want to do it well, I want it to be popular.
I want to share these incredible stories of my interviewees and if I'm being authentic, I am one acknowledging this desire that I have while at the same time also acknowledging the fact that excuse me, I don't know, I'm not an expert in this. I'm starting off. And so if I am acknowledging the fact that there are things that I need to learn and I'm willing to just get started, growth will come. Absolutely. So. And as you grow, of course, you're learning more.
You're falling or failing forward, as they like to say, and you're willing to stand in the place of a student, which I think is very humbling to say, Hmm, how do you do this? Or Why do you do it this way to learn? Watch your YouTube videos, ask questions and be okay. I think about Issa Rae. I love Issa Rae. If you're not familiar with who she is, she's an actress. She was just in the Barbie movie.
She was the chocolate Barbie. Okay. But I've been working with Issa Rae since The Misadventures of Black Girl on YouTube. Season one Episode two I was there. Way back. Way, way back. Like this. We're talking we have to be over ten years ago because the Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, she filmed that with her camera. And it's not the cameras we have on our phones now. Right. And I'm saying camera with her phone, but not the cameras that we have on our phone. Now. This is really bad quality.
If she was doing this herself, she wrote the script. She was filming it where her phone is. She produced this show and it was so good. It was so funny. And each episode, I think it's probably about episode seven, season one, where it's like, Oh, we got some new cameras here, right? We got some lighting. Like it was grainy. Like just to watch her evolve to go from, I think there are five seasons, maybe maybe seven is our number. I know that much.
But to do all of that and by the end, she's got a production team, she's rolling credits. I mean, it's high quality, even though it's a YouTube show, right. But that got the attention of cable networks who were wanting to pick her up. She had the pick of the litter. And because she went to Creative Freedom, she was on HBO. And then we get insecure, which is quite literally the misadventures of our black girl.
Oh, really. Yes. Okay. Yes. It's like evolved, but it's the same premise, you know, where black girl growing up trying to navigate love and, you know, work. And so and just to be willing to be vulnerable and say, I just want to, you know, make a TV show. Right. All I have is my phone just being real with what she has and being willing to grow is huge and very inspirational to me. I look at her now. That she's. Like Issa Rae, like in Issa Rae, like she shows up.
It's like, Oh my God, she's the queen, right? So yeah, that's yeah, she's on. She's on my list of people that I'm like, If I could meet them, I would just want to ask all the questions. Yeah. So for me, the whole podcast thing was it was a, it was a quick turnaround because I had something to say and this platform to say it existed and I'd been, you know, I'd never thought of this platform before.
My wife said she'd been thinking of me for popular for podcasting for many years, and no one should have told me. I never even considered it. She was like, You love talking to people and you are good at it. And you, you're smart and you know, you're doing all these things that don't really that that don't really use your talents. Well, I was like, Oh, okay, well, let's do a podcast.
Yeah. And you know, because of the thing of other things, I'm good at being tech savvy, you know, being able to pick things up quickly. In the first week after we made the decision, I made my first podcast episode, and that's and, you know, I know that there's going to be a growth curve. There's going to be things I'm going to learn that's going to get better as it goes.
Getting the audience is going to be the hardest thing for me because I know that there's there's content that so many people can appreciate. So many people can learn, grow and heal from it. Just getting in front of those people, you know, And that's like, that's the piece that I'm I really feel like I'm missing is the marketing part. It's like I know how to do it for other people. But thinking about it for myself, it's so frustrating. Whenever you're creating a thing,
then you've got to get it out in front of people. It's like. Yeah, like it is hard. Yeah. So I'm excited for you as well. I'm excited for years. I'm excited to hear the first episode. Of Me too. I just I was editing last night. So you talk about learning and growing. I'm like, Man, in my mind, I thought I would edit it in audition, Adobe audition, but I ended up I do trial and error. I think I'm going to just be editing it in Final Cut Pro. Really? Yes. And then uploading that video.
I'm doing a similar thing I had in the year and so I've got Adobe premiere. Yeah. You know, I have the video portion and then the podcast portion because I looked at audition and I was like, It's not as close as I thought it was. Like, I know I've used it before, but if you're really trying to, you know, really get good audio, I don't know how to. Have a podcast filter in audition, which is why I was like, Oh yeah, we're doing this an audition.
And I have this new laptop and the microphone on the top. I don't even need a plug in mic. Oh wow. It is so that I don't know what I mean. It's a, it's a MacBook Pro and it's into it's brand spanking new. I spent I want to talk about this laptop, but it's is maxed out. Right. But I did not know that the microphone would be so good. And so because of that now the mics which, you know, unfortunately the first two videos are going to be SD.
I thought I was filming in 4K and I don't know how that happened. So we'll see. I'll be uploading. For. Hopefully today. What I what I have found so far is that 4K is not necessary for YouTube. Like Yuki. I mean, in. 1980. It can be 1080 and I think it's more it's more than good. It doesn't look grainy. And also my wife told me she's like, the video doesn't need to be great, right? Like people who are watching a podcast video just want to see a little action as they're listening.
They're probably washing dishes or they're probably doing something else. It doesn't need to be great now, you know, because I'm thinking, you know, I could be high quality. I could really, you know, because right now I've got a life set up. But it's just so the from outside doesn't make me look like a, you know, a half egg face. Like it was really bad.
The first one, I was like, okay, I've got to balance out some, but it's like I could bring in studio lighting and really try to do the whole thing. I was like, It's really about getting the podcast out and the video. Like, I'm hoping the video allows more people to hear the podcast right? It's really not about that. Yeah, yeah, it's not about getting more video users, it's about getting more people listening to podcasts. And so I'm just like, Let it go.
You don't have to be perfect in everything. Just try to like, have a good interview. Yeah, that's that's what I'm trying to be in control of now. Like, do your research, ask good questions, listen better focus on those things. Yeah. Instead of, you know, being paralyzed and then making a move and all because it's not perfect, right? What is that exactly? And this wife of yours? Yes. She's smart. She is. She's so smart. I mean, she kept me. So. I mean, it's.
Very. That that's probably her dumbest move is that she. She did not know that you had the chance. You had good people. Only because she made me that way. She had to. She had to stay through a lot. Yeah. You know, very patient. And I've talked a little bit about my story about when we first met, I was. I was falling apart like I was version. Like I think I said, does my version one of myself? And you know, because everything before 18 is just it's just gathering data.
Yeah. Then trying to create a version and then yeah, that first version was just so self-absorbed and also just terrified of commitment and being being there for someone. And she saw through my voice and. Supported. Me. Yeah. I mean she really, yeah, she really has brought me to a pretty good version of myself and I don't give all credit to her because I have done the work, but without her support I wouldn't be. Yeah, I don't even know if I'd be here.
I mean, a good spouse will can change your life. Absolutely. Honestly. So it sounds like you definitely have a winner. Winner, winner. I know. Like, I'm not letting her go if I can help it, unless she tries to go. Mad at that. My, you need to beg. And that's okay. I will. I will beg. I'm not above it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. What am I right now? That's. I do know what I am by myself, unfortunately. And it's not great.
So now I think, you know, I've learned and grown enough to where I could survive a life of my own. But I just know that I wouldn't be nearly as happy as I am with my partner. Yeah. You know. What's that line? Jack Nicholson. I want to say it's as good as it gets. And he says, You make me want to be a better man. Oh, yeah, And I love that line. But you meet them when they like you made me want to be a better person. Adam was like that for me. So he makes me want to be a better woman. I feel good.
And that's, you know, I think that's having something that makes you want to improve upon yourself is really important in life. Yeah. And for it's not going to be another person for everybody. But I hope that people out there are trying to find that thing that makes them want to elevate themselves, whether it's your kids or your spouse or your your dog or your career or whatever.
There's something that is driving you to be a better version of yourself, because when we when we just stay stagnant and you know what? What are we even doing here? You know, that's for me, the whole process of our transitory life is to try to get better. Yeah, we'll try to try to win at being yourself was like, Am I the best person I could be? Not? Yeah, let's keep trying to improve. That's good. I like that as it. Great conversation so far. Winning this conversation. Yeah, winning again.
So is there ever been a time during this since your first marriage as you've, you know, started to really lean into yourself and, you know, appreciate who you are that it didn't pay off for you where you kind of came into static because you were willing to lean into yourself. Excuse me. That's a really interesting question. And I'm I'm going to be a little quick in responding, I'm sure get into my thought.
It may change, but I am just a firm believer that all things are working together for my good, like all the things. And so have I made mistakes? Absolutely. Have I? If I could go back and do some things over again, let I do it differently? Absolutely. For sure. And yet it took going through those things to learn the lessons that I gleaned from that. Case in point, I am in a life crisis and that's not true.
And I have just come to the realization that something that I believe so strongly in, if I could go back and do it over again, I would. So I won't be cryptic. And thank you. And I was just trying to set it up, you know, So men through counseling and therapy in tears, if I could go back and do it again, I would not have spanked my children. And I just apologize to them about that. It was like a whole sit down, come to Jesus tears and snot like I messed up. That was a mistake.
And my parents walked me, clearly because, you know. And it's your. Country. Just listen. I understand a few things. Yeah. So. But I think about this. So I love to tell this story. This is me, a generation one, right? My father was born in 1980. My father was born in 1939. My grandfather was born in 1899. And his father, my great grandfather, was born enslaved in 1847. So, so much of this trauma has been passed down through the generations. I've only been speaking by my dad one time.
It is one that I will never forget, ever in my life. Seven lives with about. I could not sit down for two days. Like, I mean, we won't light fires in the grass anymore. Like have not heard that out of them. But, uh, where do you learn that? Probably from his dad, who I've been told. And he beat him with a wet rope drag through saying. Oh my gosh. Where did he learn that from? Probably his dad. Hold on one second. That my dog. Hey, Kate. Thank you. They want to come join you.
And I would let him if he wouldn't then turn around in 2 minutes and do the same thing, trying to get out. And that's what's what's so frustrating is he going somewhere? And then he gets there and he's like, okay, I want out now. Prices. Yeah. So, I mean, that is intense. Guy. And so did I, you know, spend my kids in the same manner. No and in a lot of ways I would think like oh man, I'm not going to beat my kids like the way my parents beat me. But they they got spankings.
You know, we had the little plastic rulers. The rulers like that was my go to. And it was traumatic for them. It was traumatic for them. And it had did it get them to do what I wanted them to do in the moment? Yes. It was a very effective tool for controlling and disciplining my small children, but it had a lasting effect. Um, that I did not plan for, that it was not explained to me. You know, we, we dealt with my siblings for like, oh yeah, we got to be grown up, but we're okay.
But it's like, are we though? Exactly. All of us have anxiety, like every single one of us in quite honestly, you know, you talk about being authentic. I went to bed until I was 11. Mm. Like, that's not okay. Right? Right. And yet I would never speak ill of my parents. They did the very best that they could with what they had. Mm hmm. I did the very best that I could as a mom.
But I have learned over time, unfortunately, after the fact there was definitely a moment when they were still, you know, adolescence where I'm like, I don't think this is working. I think we should stop spanking. And we agreed to stop thinking. How old are your kids now? 21, 18 and 16. 16 in like a month. And but the damage was already done. I regret that I do.
If I could go back and do it again differently, I would. So, I mean, I don't think it's hard to say whether our parents regret it or not. I know that my mom and I had argued about it whenever I told her I wouldn't speak my kids and she's like, you know, look how good you turned out. Right. And that's like, mom, at the time, I wasn't really very successful. And I've, you know, been in trouble with the law. And I did have anxiety.
And did, you know, I was dealing with all these different struggles and I hadn't even started to look at the big picture. Yeah, I can't even started to unveil those traumas, those traumas. Yet Now I know that I lived an entire life based out of guilt and shame and fear. That part. And that's I luckily, even before I unveiled that, I realized that I didn't want to spank my kids because that was it didn't feel right.
And there was you know, there's a part I think one child of my four kids one time and there was a moment that it was like, this feels wrong. Yeah. And I've tried I've always tried to lead with my heart as a parent. And whenever my heart felt bad after it, I was like, never again. Because I do get I got short term results and I still feel like I have the most distant relationship with my all of my children. I'm sorry with her out of all of my children.
Yeah. And it's been it's not something I can take back. I apologize to her almost immediately. And she complied about the thing and it's like, do I want to raise compliant children? Papa. That's not that's not on my list of. Of qualifying. What you want is for children. Yeah. Like compliance. Oh. And so that feel that feels icky. It yeah.
And it's taken me a while to get there and I'm sure there's more to unravel and it's just like I told the girls like even though I'm apologizing here and now and this may come in layers for you. So if you have questions or you need to unpack something or say something like, I'm here, this is just the start of a conversation, an acknowledgment that I messed up, how messed up I got that wrong, and I want to take responsibility for it.
And in whatever I need to do to help heal some of that, like I'm here, I'm available. It's crushing. I mean, I'm talking to you very normally right now. The like, this has been like a crushing realization for me. It's it's a hard, hard, like big time. Yeah.
Derek and I touched briefly in our episode of one of our episodes about being authentic and parenthood and how, you know, he talks, he sits down with his kids every year at their birthday and says, Hey, this is my first time parenting X year old or, you know, middle child XY or whatever. And like really downloads with them and, and gets their their intake.
And I'm like and that's so wide and that authenticity that you're showing right now is like having that conversation of apologizing, saying, I messed up. I didn't have that with. My mom now. And we'll never. I mean, she could say it now and it's like it's it's definitely too late now. Like you you've been you've had all the books about parenting still available to you for the last 30 years and you've never said I'm sorry for. Yeah.
You said, well, that was your fault because and blamed me for so much and we don't actually talk right now. So that's, you know, that's a hard thing. But to me, my mother has been toxic to my brother. My mother has been toxic. Yeah. And so that's something we've had to deal with and separate ourselves from because we couldn't I can't speak for my brother. For me, I couldn't heal and parent my kids properly with her involved and making me still feel less than in my own life.
And that's sort of that was hard. That was such a difficult thing to do, was just not pick up the phone anymore. Not, not try. Yeah, but that's I believe that's a big part of authenticity is not saying I'll cut anybody off who doesn't appreciate me but saying whenever this person starts to make me feel small in my life, maybe it's time. Maybe this season is over. Yeah. And that's that's real deep. And sometimes it's people you love. Yeah. And, you know, I take my.
My mom, she's sweet as apple pie. I mean, sweet love my mom. A lot of people call her Mama Helen like she is everybody's mama. And she was always so kind, jovial, full of life. But boy, oh, boy, when it's time to get a weapon, it was like, Well, I flipped the script. She's so many different, you know? And I, you know, I was talking to my sister about this. We will never get an apology from our peer. They're very old school. You know, my dad loves to say this. I've never been wrong.
Anything went wrong. I'm right. I you know, he says it as a joke, but, like, it's indicative. Of the entire culture and generation. Bro. Like my dad's the same way. Yeah, he's 84. You're not about to tell him anything new. Like, I don't know all the things. He's still in the sixties, but he definitely he's he's softened considerably. Yeah. And I'm. I'm really happy for that. Yes. But if I bring up anything from our childhood. But no. Yeah, I will never again. I'm like, Dad, you did.
It's, you know, I'm never I'm like, So I'm crazy, okay. You know? Okay, Daddy, Like, love him. Yeah. And like I said, I believe in my heart of hearts, they did the very best that they could with what they had. I just want to I want to, as much as I can, leave the generational trauma like it should not carry forward. And I feel like I'm in a mad dash to heal the hurts that I've already carried over.
I mean, but you're like, I love the fact that you're trying because your kids have not had kids yet. So it looks like. Right. You've taken the opportunity before they've started to pass it on, to at least acknowledge it and apologize and try to heal like that. I mean, that's all you can do. And but it's a lot. It is a lot. Well, but it is. It is that I'm like, who am I? Is there more? I'm here for it. I'm for the journey. The bleeding stops.
Like the scar arises me and like, see what we can do to heal the wound. Like, I want to get rid of the scars if I can. And there's time to do that. And I told them, Look, I'm not looking for a medal. I'm not looking for a badge. I am bent over here. I am humbled, I am broken. I want to make this right as much as I can. And I don't know what that looks like. Like I don't even know what the journey ahead looks like.
But I know that there needs to be an acknowledgment that what you guys experienced was traumatic and it was at my hand. I'm not going to speak for my assessment. I that's his own journey. I'm saying from me to you, I am so very sorry. I apologize and I want to make it right. And I don't expect you to know what that looks like in this moment. But I want you to know that I'm here for this journey. I mean, just being being open to it is is such a big move. And it really is.
And I hope that your children are able see it and speak to you in a way that, you know, that they feel that you're open to having these conversations. Because having those conversations is worth it. You know, it may not be the first conversation or the second one. It may be the 10th conversation about it where you actually have a breakthrough. But just knowing that you can is a lot of time. I mean, it unlocks a new level of healing just in knowing that that it's there.
Yeah. So I really applaud you for one, bringing it up and talking about it because it is it's a hard thing to accept having experienced the shame of, you know, spanking a child and regretting it. It is a shameful thing. It feels bad and you feel like you betrayed the person who literally you you put on this earth and said, trust me, I got you. Yeah. And then you didn't you didn't have. That's right. I said that, Yes. I had the crown of my own show. Sorry.
Now there's like literally I probably said now stop it because, you know, give me something cause I'm a Libra. But I literally said something pretty much verbatim to that. You all didn't ask to be brought into to this world. And I did not honor who you were. You were precious. You are a gift, You are a heritage. And I did not handle you with care. But you are now. I'm trying with my whole self. I feel like those those. Moments. They can ripple out into everything that you've done.
But by now, going back and you know, and taking responsibility, you're giving them a chance to edit their memories and and saying what? Mom did care. You know, it's easy. Once somebody puts their hands on you, it's easy to let that bleed into everything else and say, this person didn't about me because they put their hands on me. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, like we would never, like, hit our spouse or a friend or my parents, but like, here's this beautiful, precious,
innocent child. Mhm. Oh, my Lord. Like I just, I see it all, I see it all together differently now and yeah. Sweeping up the mess. I talk about our duty as parents and to me we have one job. Like we are given these beautiful, perfect beings and it is our job to bring them up in a way that they can represent that person as well as possible as an adult. Yeah, like and you're protecting them from all the traumas that shave that person away.
And whenever you access that trauma, it's like the ultimate betrayal, you know? And I'm not saying that for you. I'm saying, you know, dealing with my feelings towards it is like, wow, you did that. Like you had one job. And not only did you do it or not do your job, you went and did the other job that you're supposed to be protecting you. Yeah, yeah. That's part of being authentic is being able to look at things truthfully and honestly and call it what it is.
And sometimes that's ugly and you got to be able to accept it so that you can move on and create something beautiful. Beauty from ashes. That is. That is all. That's what I'm trying to do right now. My mom is one of those people who claims to be super authentic, Right? She is. You know what? I'm as real as you can get. Like are her favorite phrases. I don't write the news that is reported as I see it.
The problem with that kind of attitude is that often you don't take responsibility for anything. You just you pass everything off to being somebody else's problem or somebody else created that and you're just talking about it. But you are creating a problem by doing that. And you only see one side. Exactly. And me, I really want to be self aware and self awareness is saying, here's what I'm not good at. Here's what I've done in the past was bad. Here's what I'm still doing that's bad.
I have to be able to look at those things and, you know, and really face them and be vulnerable to, letting them shape me and saying like, I know that this thing is a weakness for me and I have to I have to know that or else I can't improve that. You can't improve weaknesses that you don't you don't acknowledge. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I'm sorry. I thank you so much for sharing that with me. I, I know there are a lot of people working in the fire department, especially.
I had this argument all the time about spanking your kids. Like, well, what if they're doing something? It's like, I don't care. I don't. There's a better way by not even know what that is today. And obviously my kids are way too old. I'm still trying to figure it out, but I know that that way it have created compliance. But I don't want compliance. I don't want obedient children like I want resourceful and authentic thinkers.
I want people who can provide joy and sustenance and fulfillment in their own life. And you don't do that by complying and being obedient. You do it by asking questions and, you know, and figuring things out and strategizing and, you know, really working through problems like none of that was teaching that. Yeah. So if it's not really serving that purpose, then what am I doing?
Yeah. So I'm still working on it, still trying to figure what you do whenever your kids are not, are not doing what you want them to do. And you know, we went through a phase where I was like, all right, we're going to for if your character is going to be weak, we're going build your body. And so it's like 15 pushups. You know, you're annoying your sister to no end. That was okay.
But it still it still felt a little punitive, a little low, a little bit, a little too heavy on the same guilt from their reaction. Yeah, it's still I still believe in that. Sometimes you just don't have anything better. And I still I wish that there was like some system that somebody figured out was like, plug in. This is parenting seventh grade. I read several of. Them and they still they say, this is what's your kid is this is how you nurture your child.
And you know, when whenever things are going wrong, if you just talk to them, it's like that's not really true. You can talk to them and they will maybe not do it again. But whenever things when when a child is doing something is driving you crazy, you can try to feed them, give them, you know, emotional support, try to figure out something wrong with them. But sometimes they're just and they're just in a way.
And you you can't just let it continue because there's other people in the house who are sacrificing themselves for them to be that way. And that's where the parenting books fail. For me, is because they almost exist in a vacuum. Or it's like there's one kid and this one kid is making all the other kids suffer. Now what do I do now? There's probably the book. I just haven't found the book. Yeah, I don't think it's been written, you know, it's cracked the code. I wish they would.
I really wish they would. Yeah. And and then yet it evolves I think depending on the culture American culture, it's very interesting, especially right now. We've got social media and airbrushed pictures. It's a very sexual sex driven culture and drugs and sexualized, very hypersexual. And so there's a lot of emphasis on that and not really valuing humans. I mean, so those are some of the, you know, negative.
At the same time, we're in a very innovative culture, lots of ideas and technology, and some of these things can be really great. And so it's hard to try and find the path that you want to build for your child. And yet and still I don't get to which path my kids take. Oh my gosh, that's so. Cool. And I get to decide and just this is this is a true story. Today is Tuesday. So it was Sunday. It was Sunday night that we're having a talk with my oldest daughter.
And she moved home a few months ago because she was going to transfer from Ohio to UK and just Sunday night. So that's been the plan. But just Sunday night, she's like, Yeah, I think either I'd go back to Norman and go back to you or take another semester off. And I'm like, What happened to the plan? And it's like, okay, I have to back up. This is not my life. Like in the middle of the conversation, I'm like, Mm, let me back up. I'm over here projecting. Wow. And that's so hard.
Wow. It is difficult to talk. About self awareness. Man. Well, I mean, I had to and I told her, I said, let me just stop right here. Like, whatever you need. I if school is too much right now, you want to take some time out. Okay so we can pick back up now. Had a little bit of a technical difficulty there. So you were saying? I just listened back to it. You were talking about projecting your your vision on your child. Yeah. So, you know, mid-conversation.
And as she's switching gears, she was supposed to be going from the U.S., from Ohio to UCLA, and she was going to stay at home. And I thought we had a plan. And she's like, I want to do something different. And I could hear myself sort of projecting what I wanted and what I thought her pads should be.
And I had to stop myself mid conversation just to pull back and say, essentially whatever you need during this season, like I trust you to make the best decisions for your life and if you need some support, we are here to support you. And together we came up with the plan. But it wasn't my plan and I did not push my plan. And that's a hard thing to do as a parent. But also, she loves to throw this in my face and she is really good at this. She says, Mom, trust your parenting. And how dare you?
The audacity to put that in my face. Okay. All right. She was like, Do you not trust your own parenting? I'm your child. You raised me like me. Okay. Let me back up. That's hard. It's hard. So, yeah, she's going back, though, you. Know, saying so. I mean, I'm happy. Well, you know, as a, you know, that's my alma mater twice over. But I've also let them know, you know, because, you know, events are they can be hard core. So I've let all of my kids know, like, Yes. Oh, you van Beethoven.
Like, that's my alma mater. That's my home base. But I will support you wherever you go, even if it's at other university in Stillwater. I will put. Some more milk with that one. The other orange one I would have. Which is the orange one. Oh, yeah. That place. That would really. Model what you're talking about. Because I like it. Like, Oh, that. That college does not exist for our family. It is so hard to get into that school. They do not like Oklahoma students follow.
Good. We don't like them either. I loved. Okay, one of my men, my Chinese baby. She was trying to get in there and they just I mean, historically, having worked at a high school, they just historically do not accept a lot of it's hard to get in anyway, even as a Texas resident. But they don't accept a lot of outsiders. Hmm. It's interesting. And to this day, I don't know anybody personally that graduated from there.
And I can say I have the pleasure of not knowing anybody personally either, just my flight. So talking about loving, giving space for your daughter to honor herself, I mean that for one, that is a it's a big self-aware move. But where do we start to separate authenticity from ourself into someone we created like. I mean, it's really easy to slip into dreaming through our children. Yeah. I've done it myself. And it's it was a hard thing to break whenever they went the other way.
Yeah. Letting go is hard. I think if I had practiced it along the way, I would probably be better prepared for having a 21 year old. An 18 year old. But I get to learn from my mistakes in practice and the 16 year olds. And she is in a space where she's starting to make her own decisions. And this is a safe place to do it right. It's a safe age. She still is at home and has the safety net of three parents who are here to support you along the way.
And so starting to let her make some decisions on her own and some of those things, I'm like, mm, I can see the consequences coming from that, but okay, I'm gonna let you do that. And some of them, I think I know, but I really don't. Right. And then there are some things that just surprised me in the best way. Like, I'm learning things about her. She's learning things about herself, and I'm learning new ways of doing things by watching her once again, learning and growing.
So I think at a certain point you just have to start letting go and kind of 16 is a good age. I mean, I'm sure some people would argue before I'm new to this matter, to this, but then, you know, especially this college area is a good space for them to learn and grow and fall and get back up and learn from those mistakes and hopefully grow and fly from there.
So and I definitely I echoed that sentiment because I went into college having had my life running for me, You know, all the decisions were out of my hands. You know, I was not like an extremely controlled child because I did what I was supposed to do. Like, I made good grades. I was, you know, taking part in all the school activities, you know, was an extracurricular. And so there wasn't a whole lot of like, no, you can't do that. But I didn't make the decision to do any of that myself.
I was just shepherded from thing to thing by my mom or my dad or my stepdad. Like, they told me, Hey, here's the things you're doing. And I just was okay. And I got to college, and that void was massive. And instead of learning to just step up and do it myself, I let people who were not they didn't have my best interests at heart at all start making decisions for me because I was so used to not being control of the wheel. And I got into trouble like I got kicked out of all of you.
You know, I went to jail. I did a lot of things that weren't true to myself because I just let other people make the decisions because I had no practice doing it. So that's something I want to try to to avoid for my children is that that power void of somebody controlling your life? I want them to be in control of their lives from early on, but also feel like they have guidance. Yeah. That they can trust and they can still come back to.
Yeah. I don't want them to be afraid to pick up the phone and call me. And so that's one of the biggest things I got from my own childhood is I don't remember a time that I was ever in trouble, that I didn't fear calling my parents. It wasn't like my dad could help me with this. You know? It's like now I have to call my dad and tell him about this. And I'm like, it's, you know, there's all these other thoughts that were never like, he could help me figure this out.
And that's what I want to be for my kids is my dad. My dad will help me figure this out. Yeah, that's the that's the goal. And it's not a bad one. I don't know where I'm at. And definitely my kids have called me in the time of trouble, and I don't know that they've called me every time. And I've share with them like, I don't have to be that trusted adult in your life. I want to be. But at the end of the day, I just want you to have one. Mm hmm.
Because I remember telling my oldest, like your counsel, your only counsel can't be yourself or your friends. Right. Like, that's it. Like, you know, it's. A small. Family versus my baby girl who got a diversified just so you can, you know, see things from different perspectives, but get some trusted adults in your life. And I think she's she definitely has. Some I'm like, I'm jealous. Like, I don't want to like you say that. And I can see how that's really good advice.
I'm like, I want to be that person. Don't call somebody else. Oh, I don't mean please. Please let. Me be the. Person I definitely want to be. That person. And and sometimes I am. And even when those moments come, I'm sure if they're listening, they're laughing. I have this thing that I do or they're like, Mom, prepare yourself. And I'm like, okay, give me a moment. And it's like, All right, I'm ready, you know? Yeah. Because, you know, it may not be good news.
And I'm hearing like, you might be in a pickle jar and we need to figure out how to get out the people. Jared It's like, okay, all right, I'm ready. Or sometimes they'll say, okay, I'm having this problem. I'm like, okay, so don't give me a moment and I have to go through all the things they're coming to you for help. This is a good thing. This is not an uncommon challenge, like, you know, right. All right, I'm ready. Sometimes I have to like I said, let me go in a girlfriend mode.
Like, just because if I go into mama mode, I'm going to be like, why can't you? Do you know, I can't believe you know, but I can't let them trust me. I want them to come to me and I want to make sure they're getting good counsel and so they're willing to share and be open. I think that's a good thing. Sometimes we may need to prepare ourselves, take a pause. So, yeah.
Well, I think this has been a very insightful conversation and I could keep talking all day, but for one I have to edit that and that's one thing. But again, but for people who like this conversation and want to hear more of you, where can they find out more about Regina? Joy Lane. You can. This is really hard. So pain in paper. Regina Joy-con. Oh, super hard. So hard, I'm telling you. But rtg i in aj0y dot com. Everything's their social media's services provided newsletter all the things.
And you've got your podcast coming. My past. Yes. So we're looking for that to debut second week of August and right now it will be we'll have new episodes every two weeks until I get my feet under me. Quick Yes, and get a nice flow of editing and all of that. I would love to do it every week. I think that the this episode should air the week after you air. Oh, so I think it's you know, if you want to send people this way, like if you enjoyed listening, go listen to me again.
Yes. If you enjoyed this podcast, you can hear more from me at the Woman every Day podcast if you want to learn more about that. Regina Joy-con Forge slash podcast. Will love it. Well, Regina, thank you so much. And to our listeners, if you've enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe and check out earlier episodes as well to help support the future creation of great content. You can also follow me and authentic identity management on Instagram, Facebook threads, and LinkedIn.
Our YouTube channel is authentic. Bruce on YouTube. That's all one word. They will. We will have a full conversation from today up there. Unfiltered, uncut. So you can see all of our little snafus. By our I mean mine. And finally, if you are struggling to show up as yourself and your content, your brand or your life, I would love to help you. Authentic identity management does brand coaching to help you align yourself with the identity you want to share with the world.
It's exhausting to love someone else's life, live authentically, and access the potential that belongs only to you. You can contact me on social or email me at Bruce at Authentic Identity Management dot com for a free 30 minute consultation. I'm just going to say thank you again to Regina. I really I have really enjoyed this conversation. I told my wife the other day, I'm going to have to stop saying this at some point, but that was a really good conversation.
I feel like every week it gets better and better. She's like, That's a good thing. And I was like, I think so, but I feel like I'm just sullying the conversation I had before by saying this one was so good. But I really hope that people found something that they can take away and think on and challenge themselves to, you know, to grow a little bit more. As always, I'm your host, Bruce Alexander. This has been off the air. Until next time, be yourself. Love yourself. Bye.