Yeah, oh Money, you'll love this. Listen anything by the mac.
You know what, I I don't want to say taking a lot of.
You know what.
I'm proud and I.
Can get the work.
Maney Rishman.
He is a health and community psychologist and just a lovely person. The bathroom Divorce, Money, Leishman, thank you for staying up nicson late Good.
Morning, Good morning, How are we.
Well given the circumstances of the world tested, I got to say, but.
We won't come back to that in just a moment.
I love that little piece that we read maybe a few days ago, now the time for the bathroom divorce.
It made me laugh.
And then I discussed it with some people over the weekend, the bathroom divorce.
And they said, oh, no, that makes sense. It's a thing.
It's a thing. It's a thing. And I think whenever things are on a social media and they're trending, then it's definitely a thing, isn't it.
So just explain for those that may not have seen that, to just explain the idea of it, about the frustration that many have about maybe a partner's or family members' bathroom habit. Sounds a bit naughty, but I don't think it is quite that naughty funny.
It's definitely not the naughty parts of it. It's actually the more irritating discussing parts of it. And I think I think a lot of couples get into conflict for a variety of reasons. We know relationships breakdown for a myriad of reasons. But the bathroom divorce is more about
having separate bathroom spaces to avoid conflict. So it might be different toilets in the house that you know each partner uses, Yeah, and a totally different bathroom space because a lot of people have different personal habits, and a lot of people have different hygiene preferences. And as you can imagine, if you're sharing a toilet, a sink, a mirror, and a shower, it can be quite irritating kind of other people's behaviors.
Grew up in a house.
When I say grew up, I was married in a house, wife, two daughters.
How do you think that works out?
Oh?
Poor you?
Yeah?
Or poor? Then maybe I don't know.
Well, they would probably say the same.
I love them all, but o mg, in the bathrooms exactly exactly.
And you know, there are so many different behaviors that I think we all talk about, don't we that is really irritating. It might be leaving the toilet seed up, It might be leaving kind of hair in the sink, or squeezing the toothpaste, you know, at the beginning and not at the end.
Start.
But these little things, particularly when we communicate to others that we don't like them and they don't listen, it just gets repeated every day. Can build up, can't it, And it could, amongst other things in a relationship, actually contribute to a relationship breakdown. So it's worth talking about, I think.
And I think when you talk about bathroom you can almost move that into the laundry as well. Why did you Why do you leave the clothes on the bathroom floor when you know that they need to be Why don't you move them into Why is it the expectation that mum and dad or somebody else in the house do it into.
The laundry exactly? And there's also that kind of self absorption. I think we see it a lot with teenagers, but a lot of grown adults do it as well, where they're actually not thinking about everybody else, you know, who's going to be using the bathroom after them? They'll leave towels on the floor, not to toilet rolls, you know, leaving make up. You know, a lot of women leave makeup all in the sink. There's a lot of things that we do that is very ego centric almost, and
we're not really respecting other people in the house. And that's kind of almost symbolized with some of those behaviors that you're not thinking of others.
Maney, the toilet roll paper from the front down or from the back down.
Well, it's the front down, isn't it.
Of course it is, of course it is.
We're just wrong, it's really wrong. In fact, anybody who does it that way it should be imprisoned.
Exactly. But I'm sure a lot of people would argue argue with you on that, but it is its very subjective.
Isn't it change the laws? They should go to.
Prison, exactly, They need to be banned. Yeah, that's the material definitely is the thing.
You go to these beautiful, beautiful homes, display homes and things, and those of us that maybe didn't have the luxury some of those gorgeous bathrooms that are now available where you could have you have three people in the shower, you have two or three beautiful things, lots of mirror space, lots of heating.
Different world. That's not the world that most of us grew up.
In though, well no, no, And I think you know in many houses people only they only have one bathroom. So yeah, really, yeah, it is about having those boundaries, isn't it. And really it really comes down to communication. I think you've got to be able to let people, particularly if you're in a partnership with someone, you need to let them know how you feel about things, why you're feeling like that, and what type of behavior needs
to change for you not to feel like that. And I think if the other person's not respecting it, then there's something deeper there going on.
Yeah, something far deeper.
We'll take some calls on a bathroom habits and bathroom divorces, which I just think in itself is a very funny and interesting expression. Bathroom divorces one double three six, nine to three madey while we've got you here, Given what's unfolded recently and certainly yesterday, I think it happened around
about ten o'clock. We saw the news first up yesterday morning, Sunday morning, where the bombing was taking place in Iran and what's leading up to that, and the world in general at the moment it's you would have seen no doubt that people have anxiety levels that have skyrocketed, certainly in the last twelve or eighteen months.
Yeah, definitely, definitely. I think it's been skyrocketing in for years. I think people are just absorbing the global crisis because and it feels like it's just one after another, doesn't it. And the thing is, we can literally see we literally can see war, can't we and every crisis and tragedy playing out at the end of our fingertips almost, you know, And it's happening in real time. So I think a lot of us are absorbing it, but we feel very
much connected to it. Very different to probably fifty years ago when you read a newspaper and the event had happened, you know, like a week or so after we've before we've read it. There's almost a disconnection there, whereas now we're actually absorbing at all in real time, and I think our brain at some level, yes, it feels so real that it's happening to us right now.
We went.
For a cup of coffee a little cafe not far away from we were living from Berwick. So you get in there and you're sort of sort of sitting there and you're having.
A cup of coffee in a bite. Two week and we're sitting there chatting. We looked around and on around the tables.
There would have been maybe I'm thinking one, four might have been four other tables being used. Each of the four tables had two people on them. Of the five tables, including ours, four of them, all of them on the other four tables were sitting opposite each other looking at
their phones. Yeah, sound that really remarkable. And it's only, you know, ten o'clock on a Saturday morning, not engaging at all, but all on their phones, paying the bill, walking up, looking at their phones while they were paying the bill, walking out of the cafe, looking at their phones.
Yes, yes, yes, it is conditioning us for us not to be without it, isn't it Like it's all we look at? But which is kind of a dangerous thing. And the thing about I guess, connecting to what we're talking about, we're looking at our phones and where we're engaging with that, and there's also these world events happening, is that our brain is almost tuned in to look for the negative and the bad things and the scary
things and the fearful things in our environment. So that's why we tend to almost doom scroll without even thinking. So we're constantly looking at the bad stuff, often more than the good stuff, because our brains tuned in for that. But we've got to watch. We have to really be careful because if we end up in distress and our anxiety skyrocketing and we end up depressed as a result of everything we're absorbed, we're not going to be able
to help. We can't. We'll have to hide away, and that's not going to be very beneficial for anyone.
The other thing that happened to me over the weekend, and just to wrap this up because I thought it was an interesting experience, there was a person that we walk into a particular place, and I won't name the person, but it was somebody that I knew who.
Fell down, who had a trip and fell down.
Now, fortunately I was just behind this person, so I was able to hold this person steady to make sure that they were okay. Well, so they were still on the ground, retrieved a walking stick, but there were people walking past.
Nobody helped. One eventually did, but nobody helped.
And I found that about it for some time afterwards, and I thought that was really indicative of well, I'm not too sure.
What yeah exactly. I mean, there is a concept of psychological kind of concept called the bystander effect. I think even before mobiles were around. I think we're so distracted with our mobiles we probably don't even see half the things that are going on anyway. But yeah, there is a concept where people won't go and help people. They'll just kind of stand back and kind of wait for the first person to do something. Yeah, it's interesting behavior, isn't it.
Look at all these texts, I love the show.
There is one here that says, agree with you and money about going to prison on how the toilet roll paper.
I don't know that you said an idea.
I don't want to put you into this, yeh with you, but it's very very funny. Young son left a pile of toilet rolls on the floor his bathroom.
His bathroom.
Now it's our bathroom. Marny, thank you for staying up nice and it's always good to talk.
We'll do it again soon.
By Marny Lischman, health and community psychologist.
It is Australia overnight