What do you think you know about Iguanas? That they're big ol' Lizards that hang around Florida? That they make great emotional support pets for lonely spinsters? (Shout-out to Jub-Jub from "The Simpsons"). What if we told you that Iguanas are some of the most diversely located reptiles on Earth? What if we told you that they have the quiet dignitas of an animal that's achieved spiritual enlightment but have teeth that say "yeah, fuck around and find out, pal"? What if we mentioned that one spec...
Jun 17, 2025•1 hr 3 min•Season 3Ep. 41
It's difficult not to be jealous of Eagles, isn't it? Their giant wingspan, their majesty in the air, the gasps of wonder that follow them wherever they fly. The awe they strike upon us by simply existing in our skies is something to behold. And yet here we are - talking White-Tailed Eagles today... On the show to talk about his relationship with these majestic birds and to discuss his new book, which is CHOCK-FULL of cool animal facts, is wildlife photographer and honorary eagle himself, Hamza ...
May 27, 2025•37 min•Season 3Ep. 40
We've really shot ourselves in the foot with this one, haven't we? What possible asshole-rating could Alice give to man's closest animal companion? The Scooby to our Shaggy? The Gromit to our Wallace? The Hachiko to our...whoever Hachiko's owner was? We brought out the big guns for this one. Anthrozoologist Hal Herzog - who studies the relationship between Humans and Dogs, joins Alice this week as they've got perhaps the TOUGHEST job of all - deciding of how much of a dick Dogs can be... Care to...
May 16, 2025•1 hr 9 min•Season 3Ep. 39
If you're a Millenial, then chances are you grew up watching The Rescuers, so are somewhat traumatised by Gators, having watched young orphan Penny be tormented by Madame Medusa and her two, thicc pet alligators. But, this is reality, so we have important questions to address, the most pertinent being: "Are Gators actually assholes?", and to help Alice answer that question, we brought in native Floridian and the host of "Just the Zoo of Us" podcast: Ellen Weatherford! They’ll be diving into all ...
Apr 29, 2025•1 hr 14 min•Season 3Ep. 38
Quick fire: what carnivore found in both Africa AND Asia is a highly intelligent, highly successful apex predator with a complex social structure? If you said Lions, then you are DEAD wrong, idiot. Today we're talking about one of the most badass animals that you probably don't know too much about (or what you DO know is incorrect...thanks, Disney ) . Standing with Alice to present the best Hyena defence for the jury is wildlife educator, author and all around hilarious human being, Mamadou Ndia...
Apr 15, 2025•1 hr 8 min•Season 3Ep. 37
What do you think of when you think of an Emu? Dark, sweeping hair? Eyeliner? Lip piercings? Well, I hate to blow your minds, but you're actually thinking of Emos, you absolute spoon. Far less moody and listening to way less My Chemical Romance is the humble Emu, native to the chaotic Australia. Emus are tall, curious and make EXCELLENT Dads, so why are they on this podcast today? Joining Alice to be the justice that Emus need is the fabulous Christian Flores - Zookeeper, Paleo-educator and Emu ...
Apr 01, 2025•55 min•Season 3Ep. 36
Okay, okay. We know we're going to have to work overtime on this one, because this is a hard sell. Yes, Rats carry diseases, cause damage, eat food that doesn't belong to them and MAYBE most people are weirdly creeped out by their tail. But they are also smart, compassionate and determined individuals, so maybe you should shut the hell up. Here to give Rats some positive PR is the incredible Dr Evan Antin, small animals/exotic/wildlife vet, who can reassure you, from a vet side of things that th...
Mar 18, 2025•1 hr 9 min•Season 3Ep. 35
It's hard to imagine that Alice would be poking fun at a bird with iridescent feathers, a beautiful flight pattern, and whose name LITERALLY means "little star", but here we are. It was hard to imagine that Donald Trump would turn out to be a wannabe Dictator....crazier things have happened in this timeline. Here to discuss one of Britain's most under-the-radar birds is celebrated author, TV producer, and creator of BBC's Springwatch: Stephen Moss - who researched Starlings to such a degree that...
Nov 05, 2024•51 min
Side note before we get started: does anyone else remember Cadbury's "Taz"s? The chocolate bar? The one that was kind of like a Freddo but had caramel inside? What ever HAPPENED to those? In any case, Tasmanian Devils are definitely one of those creatures that the general public knows little about, other than through the portrayal of a beloved yet crazed cartoon lunatic. Could you even DRAW a Tasmanian Devil if I asked you to? Probably not, right? Here to talk about these wild and wonderful bein...
Oct 14, 2024•51 min•Season 2Ep. 33
Quick question: how much do you know about Slug penises? Not very much? Well, that's SUPER embarrassing for you...Thankfully, Yussef Rafik (children's TV presenter/zoologist/slug enthusiast) is here to tell you all you need to know about Slugs (genitalia and otherwise). The human experience with Slugs can probably be best described as one of "disgust", right? No one is happy to see a Slug - not on their plants, under their shoe as they step out into the garden, and certainly not in their HOMES. ...
Sep 17, 2024•52 min•Season 2Ep. 32
You've got to hand it to Elephants - for an animal THAT large, they've managed to invoke a range of emotions in us pretty well. Whether you were moved to tears by Dumbo, terrified of the Heffalumps in Winnie the Pooh or laughing at Stampy, Bart's Elephant from the Simpsons - us humans have a special kinship with these large creatures and it's about time we explored that... Here to determine if Elephants are assholes are not is funny man James Roday Rodriguez, who believes that Elephants may just...
Aug 15, 2024•53 min•Season 2Ep. 31
We all love a good crossover episode, right? Jetsons meet the Flintstones, Family Guy vs The Simpsons, Angel and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Well, all of those crossovers PALE in comparison to the shenanigans brought by the teams at "How Many Geese?" and "Asshole Animals with Alice"... Join Jack, Roddy and Alice as they set their differences aside to crown the "Worst Bird in the World"...at Global Birdfair. This journey is no easy task - and it will take 7 suggestions from the fans, and 3 birds ea...
Jul 30, 2024•1 hr
Are you a certified bird nerd? Does birding in the great outdoors, come rain or shine, tickle your fancy? Are you looking to meet other bird people, while hearing about the incredible things people out there are doing to protect and preserve our winged friends? Then Global Birdfair is the place for you! It is bird lover's Mecca. It is the congregation of those who love to see nature thriving. There is so much love and knowledge in the room, that you are GUARANTEED to come away with new friends, ...
Jul 23, 2024•25 min
Signs that you might be a Kookaburra: - You love to laugh <3 - You're close with your family - You like to keep it simple with decorating your home, instead of making your nesting complex - You're a great partner to your significant other - You can be a jerk at times Kookaburras MAY just be the animal embodiment of "Live, Laugh, Love" - with close family bonds, being excellent at hunting, and also that clamorous cackle that makes them so famous. But, just like those that own a "Live, Laugh, L...
Jul 10, 2024•58 min•Season 2Ep. 30
We, as humans, DO love to use animal names as insults, don't we? You might call your cheating ex boyfriend a "dog", you might call someone going to the police a "rat". Hell, you may even go as far as to call people who support Trump "sheep". It's called speciesism - look it up. Among those brutish insult-names, is the humble Snake, which is what you might call someone treacherous or sneaky. Snakes have had a bad rap since...well, the Bible, I guess. Tempting Eve and all that. But elsewhere in th...
Jun 18, 2024•1 hr 9 min•Season 2Ep. 29
Growing up, your first experience with a Coyote quite possibly may have been watching a cartoon Coyote attempt, in vain, to catch and eat a cartoon Roadrunner. What if we told you that while you're rooting for the Roadrunner as a kid, as an adult you're probably identifying more with the Coyote? With Alice this week is YouTuber, wildlife expert and all-around badass Coyote Peterson, to tell you how he got his nickname, why Coyotes will survive the apocalypse, AND about an incredible feature film...
May 28, 2024•1 hr 1 min•Season 2Ep. 28
The term "Bear" can evoke a number of feelings depending on the context. If you're an avid hiker, hearing the word "bear" may induce a sense of sheer terror. When coupled with the word "hug", the term "bear" might be a source of comfort, especially when you need an extra-strong source of affection. If you love burly, hairy men, then "bear" may elicit some arousal, who knows? In the context of this show, "Bear" should invoke feelings of joy and wonder, as we dive into the behaviour of specificall...
Apr 18, 2024•1 hr 2 min•Season 2Ep. 27
It's difficult to imagine a more intense rivalry than Humans and Geese. We eat them at Christmas time, they terrorise our picnics. It's a feud as old as time, with countless tears and bloodshed, and yet we are doomed to torture each other as long as we both walk this Earth. Championing the Goose's side of the war, while still acknowledging the living chaos that our feathered friends rain upon mankind, is Ornithologist, host of the "How Many Geese?" podcast, and first EVER returning guest: Jack B...
Mar 25, 2024•1 hr 21 min•Season 2Ep. 26
We all know there are cat people and dog people, it's a fact of life. But just for the sake of this episode, we'll be asking all the cat people out there to take off their cat hats and consider loving instead the humble African Wild Dog. The most cat-like dog species in the world, due to the fact they are obligate carnivores, are revered in Ancient Egypt and have no time for human bullshit. Talking about our first ever canine species on the show is the mega badass Lindsay Nikole, who tells the a...
Mar 08, 2024•52 min•Season 2Ep. 25
In case any of you were wondering, this episode brings Alice no joy. To be forced to dunk on your favourite animal of all time for the sake of comedy is a bittersweet and hollow experience. Listen with caution, you may be able to hear Alice's tears of sorrow...amidst the laughter. Joining Alice to talk about the bird with the highest beauty to crazy ratio is content creator and Toucan dad - Brock Afentul, who has scars both physical and emotional from his time keeping Toucans - which you can lea...
Feb 23, 2024•1 hr 12 min•Season 2Ep. 24
What do you see when you look at a Pigeon? A "dumb bird" wandering aimlessly through life? A feathered rat delving through our garbage? A government surveillance drone hell-bent on documenting your secrets? Whether you think these things or not, Pigeons are here to stay. And they COULD just be the most stable and reliable presence in your life right now, so why not learn more about them? Joining Alice this week is the ethereal Kendall Long - guardian of the Pigeons and true nature nerd. Together...
Jan 30, 2024•1 hr 5 min•Season 2Ep. 23
The only 3 certainties in life are: Death, Taxes and the human desire to depict our cats in art. We've been reproducing their likenesses in multiple art forms since we domesticated them 10,000 years ago. From pottery, to hieroglyphics, to black and white photos - we are OBSESSED. In fact, does anyone even remember the Internet without cat videos? As sure as the day is long, humans have forever been fascinated by cats and their behaviour, despite some of that behaviour being nefarious and downrig...
Jan 16, 2024•1 hr 3 min•Season 2Ep. 22
It's the year 2123. With ongoing wars, a devastating climate catastrophe, and the inevitable uprising of artificial intelligence, the Human race is fractured. Only the Crows remain... Why have Crows succeeded where other species have fallen? They've been watching us the whole time...gathering information, scavenging, communicating above our very heads. For years, we ignored them. Shooed them away. Shot and poisoned them. Little did we know that they would have the last laugh, as humanity plunges...
Dec 12, 2023•1 hr 15 min•Season 2Ep. 21
How often has a silly Penguin video made your day a little brighter? How often has their silliness, their child-like determination and their adorable little waddles restored your faith that maybe, just maybe, there IS some pure joy left in this world? You're probably expecting this paragraph to now explain that Penguins are ACTUALLY the Devil and should be cancelled - but that's certainly not true. What they are capable of is knowing your weak spots and exploiting them, as Penguin Keeper and Mar...
Nov 28, 2023•56 min•Season 2Ep. 20
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, we're back for another round of "which member of the Dolphin family could absolutely wreck your shit if it wanted?" - and the answer, unsurprisingly, is the Orca. You may know Killer Whales from "Free Willy", you may know them from "Blackfish", but soon enough you'll know them from your nightmares. Of course we're kidding, but with their level of intelligence and their penchant for wrecking OTHER animals' shit, you'd probably best board ...
Nov 14, 2023•1 hr 10 min•Season 2Ep. 19
The phrase "Circling like a Vulture" doesn't often conjure pleasant imagery. One may circle like a Vulture over an estranged great Aunt's belongings in the months preceding her death. One may circle like a Vulture over a promotion at the Law firm where you've been busting your ass for the last 7 years. "Circling like a Vulture" implies a predatory behaviour, carefully plotting yet somewhat opportunistic. Waiting in the shadows for the right moment... Well that phrase is dumb, and so are you. The...
Nov 07, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Season 2Ep. 18
Webster's dictionary defines "fear" as: "an unpleasant, often strong, emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger". For pretty much 90% of the planet, fear in an animal form takes the shape of the humble and introverted Tarantula. It's unclear why 8 legs and a hairy body seems to equal danger to us, but the answer is probably conditioning from media and a fear that's been passed down through generations, just like a terrible, incorrect recipe from your grandma. Well, the trauma cycle e...
Oct 24, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Season 2Ep. 17
We. Are. Back. And kicking off Season 2 of "Asshole Animals with Alice" is a species that could almost transcend assholery due to their intelligence and their terrifying efficiency: Ants. It may disturb you to hear that below your picnic blanket, below the loamy depths of the soil is a fully formed SOCIETY with more harmony and union than we will ever achieve as Humans. A Utopia, some might say, but with beings that could easily dominate and enslave the human race if they were only larger. Aaaaa...
Oct 12, 2023•1 hr 18 min•Season 2Ep. 16
Eugh, who DOESN'T love a giant, bitey, scaley thing? It's why we all love Jurassic Park, right? In a boring world without ACTUAL Dragons, it's time we settle for the next best thing: Komodo Dragons - whom, despite being wingless and unable to breathe fire - can still turn your blood cold if they run after you. After dodging an incredible 14 episodes of the podcast, it's high time that Reptiles answered for their asshole crimes. This week, Alice dives in to discuss perhaps the coolest bitey, scal...
Aug 15, 2023•58 min•Season 1Ep. 15
Well, well, well. If it isn't the infamous Macaw episode... As you guys know, the possibility of a Macaw episode has been thrown around a lot on this podcast. No one thought it would happen. No one DREAMED it would happen. But yet, the wait is finally over, and what better person to help discuss one of the most intelligent species of bird on the planet than Avian behaviour expert and celebrated animal trainer, Barbara Heidenreich. Join Alice and Barbara as they get philosophical about the term "...
Aug 01, 2023•1 hr 8 min
