Where Are They Now? Updates from Past Callers

company party. Let's get started. Welcome to the show. Since it's the end of the year, I thought it would be interesting to check back with some of the people who called into the show this year and hear updates from them about how their situations have turned out. This is something that I do every December at the Aska

Manager website. The whole month there, I published updates from people who had their letters answered there that year, and it's always really interesting to hear whether they took the advice and how things worked out. So a bunch of people who called into the show this year were nice enough to call back in with updates on their situations, and we're going to hear from them today. Let's go straight to the first update. Remember the color earlier this

year who didn't have enough to do at work. She was getting rave reviews from her boss, but she had a ton of extra time in her hands. And moreover, she had found herself in that situation at every job she's had, and she was getting really bored and was

wondering what to do. I advised her to talk to her boss, lay out the situation and see what came of that, and that that wouldn't necessarily fix the problem, but that if nothing else, it would give her a lot more information about whether this was something that she could expect to change or not. And then if she realized through that conversation that it's just the nature of the job, then she could decide what to do about that from there. Okay, here is her update. Hi, Allison,

here's my update since we talked. When we had first spoken, I was feeling really underworked and like I wanted more challenge at my job, and you've given me a lot of great advice about that. One of the things that resulted from that was a really frank conversation with my boss, and I think that my boss really understands where I'm coming from. But I don't know that my role working for a governmental entity is going to be one that's going to be as intensive as I would maybe like.

And since we spoke, my just the normal cyclical nature of my job has really picked up around this time of year, and so I have been busier and I've been happier because of that. But there have been a couple of indications to me that things will get better. One is that I know my boss has had more of an eye towards giving me more complicated projects since

we had that conversation. And two is that he has also indicated that there will be some shifting around of positions in my department in the next year or so, and that might provide some opportunity for me to, uh may be advanced my career shifted a little bit, or at least for some things to get shaken up on our team that might allow me to take on some more responsibility. So I think things are moving in a

good direction. I do really like my job, and and having this busy period has really allowed me to remember all the things I like about my job because I've been busy enough to feel engaged. So I feel like it's a it's a job that I'll probably stay out for a while. And um, I think it's set a really good baseline for me to have that really frank conversation with my boss and to lay all out there

how much capacity I feel like I still have. I do know that he sees me as a go to person, and my hope is that as I continue to enthusiastically take on any new projects when he proposes them, and to take them on on a regular basis without having to be asked, that that will position me as more of a go to person for more interesting side work. So thank you so much for your advice, and I

really appreciated being on the show. Well that's great. A frank conversation so often is the answer, And it sounds like the situation is going pretty well. Sounds like the colors feeling good about where things are well. This year we also heard from someone with the opposite problem. Instead of not having enough work, she had way too much work. Her workload had exploded, She was buried in work all

the time. She was wondering about how to distinguish being burned out and just needing a break from being in a situation that was unfixable and that she needed to leave. We talked about how to talk to her manager with the goal of figuring that out, to figure out is this something where she could get some relief or is this just the way the situation is going to stay.

And we also talked a bit about her tendencies to be a bit of a people pleaser to say yes all the time, when in fact there were cases where maybe she could be saying no more often. That episode was called I'm so turned out at work and here is the update. Hi everyone, here's my update. I took Allison's advice and talked to my manager. She was receptive to my feedback and absolutely agreed that my workload is

too great for one person. We spread out some of my tests to other team members and eliminated some of the work that didn't make sense for me to be doing. For a few weeks, it was great. I had a much better work life balance and was feeling a lot more positive towards my job. But then we got additional projects thrown at us, and if anything, I'm working even more than I was when I initially went on the podcast. I am overburdened, overwhelmed, and get completely burnt out still.

So despite me being on a fast track to promotion, I've decided to leave the company I'm currently interviewing, and I'm hoping that something turns up soon. I am trying my best to keep a positive attitude at my current job, and I'm continuing to do the same high quality work that I've been but my motivation is a little lacking as far as the people pleasing. This has been a huge problem for me my entire life, and I've been

working on it. So what I've done was I've just gotten better at saying no. I evaluate tests and really think about if they make sense for me to do. I try to defer them or delegate them if I can, and if someone pushes back, I explained the reasons why I at least have my supervisor supportive nos. But it's difficult and it's something I continue to struggle with, but it's gotten a lot better. So I appreciate the advice, and I hope my next update is me telling you

about a new job I got. Thanks. You know, I get a fair number of updates where the person did decide to leave the job, and that is not failure. If you try resolving a situation and you learn from doing that that things aren't likely to change or aren't likely to change in a significant way. That is actually a type of success. It may not be the type of success you were hoping for, but now you have the information that you need in order to make good

decisions for yourself. And it sounds like that is what the scholar did. Okay, remember the episode called I'm Bad at Taking Feedback from September, the color found that she wasn't taking criticism very well. She would take it personally and get defensive, and she worried that she looked angry or upset when she was getting feedback. We talked about how to overcome that and take feedback from a calmer,

less defensive place. And here is the update. Hi Alison, so Um, your advice helped me a lot to think about how meetings with my boss really just a part of the job and not take them too personally and you know, just she mentally prepared for them as something that's it's going to happen regularly. So I had a conversation with my boss recently where he asked how he

could be a better manager. I took the opportunity to talk about positive feedback and how important it is, and also how the lack of it has kind of affected me and made me feel like I wasn't doing as well as maybe other people were. And he agreed that he didn't give enough positive feedback and said that would be a change she would try to make. But then he also went along talk about all the things that

I do really well, which felt really great. And also I had a job interview not long after that, and it really helped me to bring up my confidence and also just know the things that I was doing really well, um to get my first field job now that I'm about to finish on my PhD program. Um. Also, he called in my other coworker, who I also said that had to feel felt pretty similar to me, and gave him a bunch of positive feedback and then also told him he was ready to look for a post doc.

So it actually really helped both of us by giving him that feedback, and I do truly think he's going to take that the heart for future student. So um, thank you so much for your help. That really really did have a great impact. Hurrah. That is great another

frank conversation, and it paid off. I think so often people feel like, well, if my manager isn't doing X, it must be because he or she doesn't want to do X, that it's a deliberate decision they're making and so there must be no point in talking to them

about it. But I can tell you from the manager's side of things, it can be really helpful to hear from people, Hey, it would help me if you did X, because as a manager, you don't always know, or maybe you know at some level that say you're bad at giving positive feedback or whatever, but you kind of convince yourself that it's not a big deal. And so hearing from someone, especially a good employee, that it actually is something they really care about sometimes that will nudge a

manager into changing what they're doing. So that's a great update, and kudos to that caller for having the conversation. Let's take a quick break here and I'll be back with more updates, including the needy coworker who didn't seem to be able to do her job after many months of training, and the chef who was struggling with confidence issues. Remember the caller way back in March who had an needy coworker who leaned on her way too much for help.

The episode was called the Helpless Coworker and the coworker, Jane had been there for nine months and just wasn't retaining any information and would repeatedly ask the caller for things they'd already covered multiple times and that the collar had sent her instructions for. And she also had a habit of when she had a question, she would go from person to person in their department and ask everyone,

even though everyone gave her the same answer. They had talked to their manager about the situation, and the manager asked them to keep being patient, but it was starting to take up a lot of time and cause a lot of frustration. Here is the update. Oh yeah, so this is my update UM on the day UM that we recorded the podcast. What I had not told you at that time was that things had kind of come to a head where I lost my patient. Jane had asked me for help via email for something I previously

assisted her with multiple times. I lost my patience, and I responded in a somewhat snarky manner in an email, including screenshots and instructions and sort of a little condescending tone like we've been over this before and you should know this by now, but here let me tell you how to do this again. And I made mistake of copying in my director of our department, thinking that she

would see how ridiculous being had been and was being um. Instead, my director took issue with the tone of my email, and I received a linky email back from her about my behavior and how she basically thought I needed to be more patient. So, after I talked with you the next day, of course, you know, i'd also received the email from my director, I took Jane aside just in a little I have a little room, and I apologize to her for the talent of my email and for

anything else tone and behavior previously. I just apologize basically for not being a patient as I should have been. So this led to Jane crying and forgiving me. I mean, she was grateful that we kind of talked and bought it on the open I provided her. I took that time to you know, just kind of reassure her, and I provided her with suggestions. I thought about how she

could handle when she had questions. I suggested that she sit and think about her questions before going to anybody and asking and thinking who would be the best person to answer her questions. So not just going to you know, everybody one by one in the department when one person might be the best person to answer the question, and think about who that would be, and courage her to continue to take notes and to refer them, referred to

them before going around and asking questions. And she seemed to take my advice to heart, but she was sent back to her old ways of just going from person to person, um asking the same question over and over, asking questions that she had asked previously, you know, previous days or weeks, as if she wasn't retaining information or whatever. Um, she just began aggravating more and more people in our department, and and then she also sort of branched out to

other departments and did the same thing. It just pretty much became evident to me that she preferred to have people handle her cat rather than learn them and take care of them herself. And it seemed evident to me and to others that this method of going from person to person was sort of in hopes that somebody would be just worn down enough, but they would go, never mind, I'll just I'll just handle it for you. And I'd

actually had done it a few times. I was just set up with, oh, here's the same question, again, I've already explained it to you, you know, w let me just take care of it. And so I fell into that trap, and and others did too, and it just seems like she just preferred to outsource her responsibilities in that way. So it ended up that in August of this year, I found another job, and so I don't

have to deal with Jane anymore. And I can honestly say, when I think back that the reasons why I left that previous job, I would give it at least ten percent that getting away from Jane was behind me, you know, some of the reasons that I wanted to leave. So that is my updates. Well, that's frustrating. I like that this color had a frank conversation with the coworker, even

though it didn't ultimately solve the problem. If you do end up leaving a job because of frustrations, it's so helpful to know that you did make some attempts at being straightforward and that you did try to resolve things. And really, in this case, the problem was with management. They saw what was happening, they were being overly hands

off about it, which is a super common thing. There are lots of people who are supposed to be managing who just don't do it because they don't like hard conversations, or they don't like dealing with conflict, or they don't like giving someone bad news, and so they just let problems fester and eventually good people get frustrated and leave. I know the caller said she had other reasons for leaving too, but I would bet that some of them are about having management that wouldn't do their job, not

just with this coworker, but more broadly too. Managers who don't manage suck. Let's see who's next. Remember the caller this fall who was struggling with confidence issues. The episode was called I Need More Confidence at Work? And the collar was a chef at a fine dining restaurant and she would take things very personally when something went wrong, and she would feel like it was all her fall and that she must not be very good at her job.

And she was also having trouble speaking up when a colleague was doing something that impacted her negatively, and she was wondering how to get better at addressing those things. Here is the update. Hi Alison, I originally emailed in a few months ago asking for advice on how to be more confident at work, and linked to this, how to address my colleagues more effectively when I needed to

raise an issue with them. It's been something I've worked on very consciously over the past few months, and I'm definitely not there yet, but I do think I've come on leaps and bounds in certain areas. For instance, I've become really good at taking professional feedback, and this has been noticed by my boss, who said that he saw I was really good at listening to the feedback given,

which was a really nice thing to hear. I've also moved away from taking lots of things personally and just seeing them more as a work issue, which has also helped me enormously. Um It's stopped to me overthinking things too much on my on my time away from the from the kitchen. I do still struggle sometimes with addressing members of my team directly when giving them feedback on their work, even though I'm told this is something I

should do by my boss. But I do think this has not been helped by a couple of other factors that have been involved. Recently. We've been hiring a lot of temp staff um as we've been short staffed um and so one, I don't have a solid working relationship with these people UM and to a few of them have been quite volatile characters, sort of the typical chef UM,

so really not the most approachable people. UM. But I am working on it, and the people that I do give direct feedback to, I've been very clear to make sure that my tone is good and following your advice in that area as well. One other thing you advised me to do was to look carefully at how my coworkers raised issues and topics, and this is definitely something I've done. UM. I've often mirrored my coworkers phrasing and tone when they ask about things UM that seemed totally

mature and reasonable to me. So that's really really helped because it's kind of reinforced that idea of what if they can do it, I can do it. The advice you gave me really really helped me. You said gaining confidence is not an overnight thing, and I completely agree with that, and internally, if I'm being honest, I do still feel quite uncertain of my skill set at times.

But I'm looking forward to the new year. I'm hoping to move on to a different role uh, and see that as a bit of a fresh start and take with me the skills that I've gained over this experience. So thank you so much. I love this update too. You know, the stuff doesn't change every name. It's a process, and this color sounds like she's making really good progress.

I especially love that she took the advice about paying attention to how her coworkers raised the sort of issues that she herself was hesitant to raise, because so, Ben, if you feel hesitant to speak up about something, it will help to look around and watch how other people do it, because you can get lots of good models of Oh, this is how you approach it, and this is the language, and this is the tone, and when they do it that way, it doesn't come across as

a big deal. It's normal and it's fine. And really paying attention to that and internalizing that can help you speak up yourself. And that is that sounds like the direction that this collar is moving in, which is great. We'll take a short break and come right back with more updates, including one from the collar earlier this year who sat across the hall from a pretty scary dude and the person with the overly Talkative Intern. Remember the

episode from July called the Talkative Intern. That was the caller earlier this year who had a really really talkative intern. A lot of it sounded like the intern was just over explaining, like she would come in to ask a question, but she would ask it four different ways, with lots of commentary on why she didn't know the answer, and it was to the point where people were avoiding her a little, and the caller was trying to figure out how to give the intern feedback about it and get

her to rein it in without embarrassing her. Here is the update. Hi, Aliston, I was calling to give you an update on my talkative intern. I took your advice and at a regular update meeting I had to talk with her um. I kind of framed it the way we talked about with UM as being a common issue for people early in their career and to have faith in herself that she asked good questions and her questions are worth asking and she doesn't need to sort of

justify them. The conversation seemed to go well, although I could tell that she was kind of taken aback and she over explained why she does that. She seemed to be putting in an effort, but honestly, there wasn't a ton of improvement, although it did leave the door open kind of for me too. I felt more comfortable interrupting her going forward for the rest of her internship again say okay, slow down, give me a chance to answer.

And then a couple of months after her internship, I was at an vatte with some of my colleagues and someone mentioned how much she talked, and I said, you know, oh, I had tried to have a conversation with her. I know it didn't take, but I think she was just nervous and young. And someone joined in, who uh is more juniors. She's always been with us about six months, and she and my intern had been fairly close. They commuted,

they walked part of their commute to work together. And apparently my my conversation with her didn't not go the way I thought it did. My intern was completely horrified. She didn't know what she'd done wrong. She was completely flustered and didn't know what she should do or what

the problem was. So I don't know if I wasn't clear or she just sort of panicked, And in talking to my colleague, I found out that, you know, she had been talking to her too about how much she goes into detail and was trying to give her tips about, you know, making notes and being prepared for meetings and what you want to say. And I really think it was just a a factor of how young she was and how inexperienced she was in an office. But it was a very good experience for me as a manager

to have that kind of difficult conversation. I have to think about how I would follow up better in the future. But I appreciate your help and all the advice that you gave me, so thank you. Oh this is so interesting. I love that this collar had the direct, straightforward conversation. But yeah, this is an example of how stuff doesn't always land with people the way we're hoping it well. But that doesn't mean that you did anything wrong. You could have done this perfectly and she still might have

bristled at it. Sometimes that happens, especially with people early in their career who might not have a lot of experience getting direct feedback on stuff like this. The color mentioned that she wants to think about how she could follow up differently in the future, and I think one way to do it is to give the person some time to process the feedback a few days or a week, couple of weeks, depending on the context, and then at some point you can say, I really appreciate you letting

me give you that feedback the other day. Now that you've had a chance to digest it, does it make sense to you, or would it be helpful for us to talk about it further, or in this particular case, even saying you know, I know it's tough to get feedback on something like that. I want to make sure that you know that I think you're doing a great job and this is just about tweaking something relatively minor

that will be really easy to get under control. So sort of reassuring her that there's nothing to be horrified about, that it's routine feedback, nothing to panic over. But yeah, I think this collar is right, that this was a function of how inexperienced this employee was, and sometimes the stuff just happens, and she might look back on the experienced ten years from now and realized that her manager

did her a favor by having that conversation with her. Okay, our last update is from a caller who I think a lot of people were really worried about I was. The episode was from June and it was called The Angry Coworker and the Collar sat across the hallway from a coworker, Chris, who was angry and disruptive. He would yell obscenities about work to himself and pound on his desk and paste around his office. The Collar had talked to her boss about it and they had gone to HR.

HR talked to him, but it hadn't solved it. So I talked to the co worker, but ways to really press the issue and insist that it be taken more seriously because this kind of behavior is scary and disruptive and it can escalate. Here is the update, Hi, Alison, I'm calling him an update from my question earlier in

the year. I just wanted to let you know that I ended up speaking with my manager further about the situation and really pressing the issue, and she in turn agreed that Chris's behavior was not acceptable and it was creating a lot of anxiety intention for me in the workplace, which was also not acceptable. So she spoke with the HR individual in my office, who ended up moving Chris

to be almost adjacent to their office. So, although I don't believe that they have addressed addressed Chris's behavior or how it impact other people in the workplace, at least for now, I did realize that I wasn't so comfortable dealing with it and did press my manager for the too. How me with speaking with HR, and he has been moved and so far I have had no further issues with Chris. Thanks. Well, that's a relief to hear, and that is another point in favor of having the direct

conversation and coming back and pushing harder. If something is really important and isn't being addressed in the way that you need it to be. You wouldn't do that with everything, of course, but with something that's making you feel unsafe, you really should. And it worked, so that's a great outcome in this case. Hopefully they'll they'll take it a little bit further. Now that he's sitting right across from HR. He'll either stop or they'll hear it firsthand and be

able to more easily address it. Well, that is the chow for today. Thank you to everyone who called in with updates on their situations. It's so interesting to hear how things played out. I'll be back next week with more questions the best and