I'm Drowning in Too Much Work

welcome to the show. Today. I'm going to answer a bunch of shorter questions from people. The first question today is from someone who is dealing with a problem that I get a lot of questions about what to do when your workload is just way too high. Hi, Allison, I just started a new job in November last year after being told I had a lot of growth tential, and overall that's been really true. We're expanding into previously un enters markets. The double Bosters revenue in the last month.

But you want a half million dollar grant and we've tripled our donation. I've already been put through for a promotion and that's great and they love me and to top it all, lots of people are great, and so is our mission. But here's the problem. So everyone is chronically overwork. I've been told that this quote unquote isn't normal at least fifteen times at this point, and I'm honestly starting to feel like this is the new normal.

I've been working seventy hour weeks and I finally saw the lights at the end of the tunnel when I asked for help and they took something off my plate. That is until yesterday when our leadership decided to move forward with another international program next month. I've already passed in with my work on to my other Swans colleague, but this program requires work sessions once a week after

normal business hours for seven weeks straight. This could be a huge career step for me, but also could be the stow that breaks my back and everyone else is While we're at it, what's the best way to deal with the office that's growing too fat? And maybe more importantly, how do I survive and keep my personal life? Thank you so much for answering my question. Yeah, so, if you've been told this isn't normal for almost a year, it is normal, even if it didn't used to be normal.

They're going to have to face the reality that it has become normal. Now. It's one thing to pitch in and work longer hours in a temporary pinch, but when it's been going on that long, it requires a different approach. So how is your relationship with your manager? Because the best thing that you can do when you're chronically overworked is to sit down with your boss and really illustrate for her exactly what's on your plate and how long

it all takes. Your manager might know that you're doing a lot and working long hours, but still not quite get the specifics of just how bad it is. And also, what I've noticed is that people's tendency in this situation is to feel like, well, my boss must know how busy I am, and since she still keeps piling work on me, she must think it's reasonable, and I guess I'm just supposed to find a way to get it

all done. But on the manager's side, a lot of the time, the manager really doesn't realize exactly how bad it's gotten and definitely doesn't realize that it's become a problem for you. On the manager side, it's really easy to assume that everything must be fine if you're not speaking up and saying otherwise, And to be clear, that's not ideal. Ideally managers would be proactively checking in with

people to see if everything is really fine. But in reality, a lot of otherwise decent managers tend to just assume that things are fine if you don't tell them otherwise. So sit down and talk with your manager. Pick a time when she's not rushed. Explain that you've been working seventy hour weeks and it's not sustainable because you don't

want to burn out. Say that you started working those hours when you thought it would just be temporary, but it's been going on for close to a year at this point, and that you need to take a fresh look at your workload and figure out a different approach, and that this isn't just about moving one thing off your plate or a few small things that you really

needed a different approach in a larger way. And be really explicit if you need to, about the things that are on your plate that take up the most time and how long they take, because sometimes your manager really might not know that something takes hours rather than a shorter time. She might be assuming it's quicker than it really is, so make sure you're not assuming that she

knows what you know. Spell it out, and then suggest options. So, for example, you might say, well, I can do A and B, but I can't do C. Or if C is really important, then I would need to move A off of my plate to make room for it. Or I could act as an advisor to someone else and see, but I can't do C myself if I'm also doing A and B. Another way to approach it that can be really effective is to decide how many hours a

week is reasonable for you to be working. It sounds like in your field it might not be forty but maybe it's forty five. Whatever it is, write down what that would look like. Let's say that you decide, yes, you'll work forty five hours a week, that's what's sustainable for you. Write down everything that you'll be able to do in that amount of time, and then make a list of all of the things that will not be

getting done under that plan. That doesn't mean that every week you're going to be really rigid about working forty five and you'll never go over it, but you want your plan to represent what you will typically be doing in an average week, and then bring that to this meeting and show it to your boss, because that is a really good way of illustrating in very realistic, stark terms, how out of control your workload has gotten, what would

actually be reasonable, and what the difference is between those two things. The outcome that you want here is for you and your boss to get you close to that forty five hours, and that might mean jointly deciding some things aren't going to get done at all, you know, literally canceling projects or back burnering them. Or she might

move some of your stuff to someone else. So though it doesn't sound like there's there's someone else to give it to you, maybe she needs to bring an attempt or make a case for a new hire, or who knows. But the point is, the solution can't just be that you just do it all. When all is the equivalent

of nearly two full time jobs, that's not reasonable. Sometimes organizations, especially nonprofits, and since you mentioned donations and grants and betting that you're at a nonprofit organization, sometimes it is really easy in that context to feel like every time we think of a good idea, we're just going to

find a way to do it. But there is a point where it's not realistic, and where you will start giving short shrift to other things and doing things poorly and burning out your staff, which will lead to very high turnover. It's not a sustainable way to operate. You can get away with it for a few months, you can't really get away with it for for longer term than that, and so you might need to be the one who really points out what your workload looks like. Now.

If your manager is resistant to doing this, then you want to say something like this. I hear you that we want to get it all done, but since I'm never going to be able to get to all of it, I want to make strategic choices about how I should be structuring my time and make sure that you and

I are aligned on what those choices are. Because that is true, Something is going to fall through the cracks when your workload is the side, and it's much better are to choose those things deliberately rather than having them chosen by default when you just end up forgetting something or just can't get to something for lack of time. If your manager won't help you prioritize, then I would come up with your own proposal for what you will and won't prioritize and ask her to tweak it or

okay it. And then after this conversation you're going to have to be really vigilant about enforcing boundaries. If you're asked to take on something new, you're going to either need to get rid of something or you're gonna have to push something else way back. So if a new project comes your way, you'd want to go to your boss and ask about trade offs and say something like, if I work on this now, it means that A and B will have to be pushed back by at least a couple of months. Is that okay to do?

Or should we put this new work on hold until A and B are finished first? Or it might be something like I can do this new project and A, or this new project and B, but not all three of them in the time frame that we have and last, and this is really important. This approach will work with a reasonable manager, one who is able to look at the reality of the situation when you lay it out

this clearly and proceed accordingly. But not every manager is a good manager, and so if yours won't help and just tells you to, you know, get it all done, then In that case, you need to be realistic with yourself that this isn't likely to change at this organization, and then you'd have to decide are you still interested in staying? Knowing that but having this kind of very very explicit conversation is the first step. Okay, here is

the next question. Hi, I'm wondering it's after eighteen years and hiring and training people, is they are promoted past too and you have more education and experience? What does that mean when it happens seven times? So that probably means you're never going to be promoted at that particular organization. I'm sorry to say. You've been there eighteen years, you've been passed over seven times. For whatever reason, they're not

showing signs that you're going to move up there. I'm not sure if you've gotten feedback about why that might be, but if you haven't talked to your boss about it, I would do that. Say that you're interested in moving up, you've been passed over multiple times, and you're wondering what you need to do to be promoted in the future. There might be specific things that you do need to work on, and if your manager is a decent manager,

she'll tell you what those are. And you could also try asking for feedback from managers of the positions that you've applied to and not gotten. But unless you hear very specific feedback about what's going on and what they need to see you do differently, I would assume that, for whatever reason, it's just not going to happen there, and then if you do want a higher level job, you'll have to look outside your organization to get it. And that's not necessarily a bad thing to do after

eighteen years anyway. I mean, you might find that there is something out there that suits you much better. Who knows, But I would take a look around and see what your options might be, because it sounds like you have goals in this company that they're not especially amenable to meeting. So look around see what you can find. Good luck. Let's pause here for a quick break. I'll come back with more questions. This next question is from somebody who has lost a bunch of weight and is noticing a

strange reaction at work. Hello, Elson, I waited almost three pounds when I started with my current employer, and I've managed to swim down to two. I also have the goal of losing fifty pounds more. I'm proud of my weight loss, but it's created a really strange dynamic at work. Ever since the weight loss got noticeable around the first twenty five pounds. Along with the compliments, game strange behavior

changes from my co workers. I'm suddenly not being invited to lunch with co workers, and when we have snacks or meals at team meetings, somebody will always bring up not wanting to wreck my diet. I've never thought of myself as I'm a diet and repeatedly told this to my coworkers. I'm trying to be obusity. I'm not trying to fit into an old pair of jeans. I've never demanded any behavior changes from my co workers with food, and I filled my problem to get over the historically

bad relationship I've had with food. Well, the perception that I'm on some kind of diet irritates me. I'm actually more concerned about the fact that the weight loss seems to be becoming my defining characteristic. For example, I had a new manager start last week and I was introduced to her by a teammate who said, hey, he's lost seventy five pounds over the last year. I was really

taken aback by this. I would really prefer that my new boss get to know me as the person who found a way to cut ten thousand dollars a month in administrative cough last year. And I feel like I'm being judged be on my body. I'm a man who works in a female dominated profession, so I'm wondering if this is just a difference in male to female work behaviors that I'm just noticing for the first time, or this something that I should be worrying about. I don't

know that it's gender based. It might be, but people in general can be really weird about weight loss, and about weights and diets in general for that matter. I do wonder if any of the co workers who are leaving you out of lunch are struggling with weight themselves. This is just one possibility of several, but sometimes people who are having their own struggles can react strangely when someone else successfully does the thing that they're struggling with.

Or who knows, they might just have the idea that they're not supposed to attempt to you, even though you've never asked them to make that their business. I'm curious to know what your relationship is like with these coworkers, assuming it's pretty good aside from this issue. I'd be very straightforward with them about this, more straightforward than you

probably assumed you would need to be. When you hear people talking about going to lunch and there are people you used to eat with, I would try just inviting yourself, you know, speak up and say, hey, are you going to the taco place? I'd love to come with you. You might need to make a point a few times of demonstrating to them that you do still indeed want to go to lunch. I mean, obviously be thoughtful about how you do this. Be a tune to cues that

it is okay to invite yourself along. But if that's the way lunch works in your office, like in many offices where it is okay to just tag along, just be a little extra assertive about it and say hey, I'd love to come. And for meetings where there will be food and someone talks about not wanting to wreck your diet, speak up there too. You can say hey, I'm good with whatever you want to order, or don't worry about me. In fact, I'll probably have a little

of that. Or if it seems needed, and even more direct, Hey, there's no reason for us to do anything differently than we've ever done. Please don't worry about my diet. Just proceed the way you normally would. And in fact, if there is one person who usually does the food ordering, I would go talk to that person and say, I've noticed that people seem to be trying to plan around what I eat, and I really don't want that. I've

got it under control. And while I appreciate people trying to be thoughtful, I'd actually really prefer that you just order whatever you would normally order and not do anything special around me. Depending on how comfortable you are with that person, you could also add something like, you know, to be honest, it makes me feel a little awkward when people make a point of discussing what I eat.

So the more you keep that out of it, have you'r all be But there's also this broader issue that you mentioned, the way that your weight loss seems to have become your defining characteristic, like even the way that you're being introduced to a new manager. I don't blame you for not wanting that. I mean that is legitimately weird. You want to be known for what you bring to the table professionally. I do think that people are fascinated

by major weight loss. You know, in part it's really impressive and you don't see it a lot, But you're very much on solid ground if you want to ask people to stop doing that. If there are a few people who do it the most, which tends to be the case with this kind of thing, I would start with them and you could say something like, hey, I appreciate that you're supportive of my weight loss. I'm sure you haven't thought of this, but I'd rather it not

become my defining characteristic at work. When people think of me, I want them to think of me and my work, not my weight. You might have to remind people a few times, but if you're working with reasonably considerate people, really, unless you're working with jerks, being directed straightforward about what you would prefer should work, even though it might take a few tries. Okay, here is our next letter. I'm a recent college grad. It my first big job. The

problem is that I've developed uncontrollable work anxiety. The biggest issue I have is how people can be publicly humiliated when they make a mistake and mistakes happen. My manager started yelling about something I made a mistake on in front of the entire department. So embarrassing, especially since I asked a different manager for help on the project and I thought it was good to go. I anonymously sent HR a message about this situation, and the managers treated

mistakes differently to some extent afterwards. But I have not recovered. I'm terrified of making another mistake like that. I wake up at three am and have panic attacks at work regularly. I'm not the only one either. Many co workers say they experienced this as well. And in my short time here, about fifteen of the thirties something people I work with have quit. How do we deal with this high stress environment? How can I leave work at work and be more

present at home? Oh my gosh, you have developed bad work anxiety because you are in a really bad work environment. I want to be really clear about this, because it's your first job and you might be thinking, well, this must just be how work is. But this is not normal. It's not normal, and it's not okay to publicly humiliate people or to yell at them. People make mistakes at work. I mean, we're human. And humans aren't perfect. Good managers. Frankly,

even halfway good managers don't yell and humiliate people. They might need to correct you, yes, but it should be more like coaching, definitely, not like humiliating you. You're in a very dysfunctional environment and you're having a very reasonable reaction to that environment. Of course, you're stressed out and waking up at three am because this is awful. This is a problem with them, not with you. And if you need proof of that, I would say, look at

those people who are quitting. You are not in a normal workplace, and it is not normal to lose half of your workforce that quickly. There's a reason that's happening. I'm stress sing this so much because when you are at the start of your career, it can be really hard to know what is and isn't normal, and sometimes people early in their career will end up putting up with pretty bad behavior because they don't know how very

not okay it is. In fact, I'm always a little bit suspicious when I see the organizations that seem to only hire twenty some things. Sometimes it's because most of the jobs there are legitimately early career jobs, but often it's because on some level they know that more experienced people won't put up with the abuse over unprofessional way that they operate. It's pretty infuriating because they're taking advantage

of people's inexperience. So I want to make sure that you hear loud and clear that this is not normal. It's not okay. I don't think your goals should be to find a way to be okay with it. I think your goals should be to get out of there and into a healthier work environment. But for however long you do have to stay there. Before you can do that, try to emotionally distance yourself from the job as much

as you can. Keep reminding yourself it's not normal, the problem was with them, and that you are going to escape as soon as you can. And I hope you'll call back in in like a year and tell me that you've landed somewhere much better. Okay, one more quick break while I recover from how frustrated I am with that employer. The next question is on a topic that

I hear about a lot coworkers who are making annoying noises. Hi, Allison, um, I just started listening to your podcast and I'm really loving it, and I have a problem that I thought

maybe you could help me out with. Um So, pretty much, my coworker who sits directly across from me, we have not particularly gotten a long wall since I started a little over a year ago, and she seems to always be a little bit mood in I'm happy and I don't want to step on her toes at all, but she's been humming a lot recently, and pretty loudly, and the way that our office is set up, I'm the only one who really can hear this, and it has gone to point where it's distracting for my work, and

I don't want to be rude and ask her to stop doing it. But also I've been blasting my music and podcast in my earphone so loudly just to drawn it out. So I was hoping that you could recommend a nice way of, you know, connecting with her and asking her to you know, stop or just minimize the sound or frequency with which she does it. Just um. Yeah.

We we work in a very corporate and traditional environment, and I don't think i'd be comfortable bring it up with my manager or anything, so I don't want to offend her or make her unhappy, but it is going to the point where it's been impacting my everyday work. So I would love to hear your thoughts on this issue, right, Thanks so much. This is definitely made harder by the

fact that you don't get along very well. If you did, you could just be really straightforward and say, hey, I'm sure you don't realize this, but for some reason, I find it really distracting when you hume could I ask you to cut it down, And in most cases it would be totally fine, but it is trickier when the relationship is already tense, and when you can see that the person is, as you described her, moody and unhappy.

There is definitely a type of person who is unreasonable and will take a request like this as a personal affront. They shouldn't. Of course, it's a very reasonable thing to ask, but I'm worried that the way that you've described things, she might, so I think you've got to decide if

you're willing to risk that or not. Maybe I'm wrong and and reading too much into it, but a lot of the details that you put in there and make me think that this is not going to be as straightforward as it normally would be one thing you could try, and it's manipulative, but it might help. Is to see if you can first spend a couple of weeks trying to improve things between the two of you. Go out of your way to be nice to her. If you're getting up to get yourself coffee or water, ask if

you can get her something. Compliment her on her shoes or something she's wearing. If you can do it sincerely, just put some effort into generating warmer feelings between the two of you. That might build a better foundation so that you can then make the request and she'll have some good will build up. I want to be really clear. I don't mean to imply that you should have to do any of that just in order to say, hey,

can you stop humming? But the reality is that with the dynamic that you've described, it really might help you get better results. But I know it seems like a lot to have to do it first. It is a lot to do, and it's silly that you have to. But if your gut is telling you she's not likely to react well, and my sense from the language in your letter is that that is your sense, then that could help as for what to say when you do

finally say something. One trick that I like is to make it about you, not about her, so you're not conveying, hey, you're doing this rude and inconsiderate thing. Cut it out. Instead, you're saying, I have a weird thing about not being able to focus on someone's hamming. It's about you. You're asking her to help you out with your weird quirk, which is not a weird quirk, by the way, but we're going to frame it that way for the purpose of navigating this as smoothly as possible. So you could

say something like, I'm so sorry to ask this. I have a weird thing that makes it hard for me to concentrate when someone is humming, and I'm having trouble focusing when you do it. I'm sorry to ask, but could you try not to come when we're working? If you really want to fluff it up, you could even say it actually sounds very pretty and I wish it didn't distract me, you know, compliment her better her up if you must. Will it work? Who knows it should work?

It would work with a reasonable person. But with a reasonable person you wouldn't be having to stress about this at all or manage it so carefully. But that's what I would try and see if it works. And I will say it's very unusual for me to give this kind of advice because normally I'm a big fan of like, just say the thing. It's not going to be a big deal. But I think in this case, you might need to finance it a little more. Okay, one more letter, Hello there. I actually work for a company that is

a large conglomerate. UM. They have a really big national person and during peak season, which is mostly supreminal in October, you can get really busy, and my boss has decided we way that they would like to hire a tempt agency to help us to relieve some of that stress. UM. But I know from past experience that attempt agency employees make about four dollars more an hour than I do. And last season I told them that I would not to work for the company if this was something that

was a repeat issue. And now I'm finding myself to the same circumstance. I'm just wondering if there is any go over owen for me. Is there anything you can suggest that can help me negotiate the situation or help my manager and my boss couldn't see a little bit more clearly where I'm coming from, um, but I can really use some assistance. So so it's actually very normal

for attempts to get paid more than regular employees. That's because they're not permanent employees, so they're not getting all of the benefits that you're getting paid vacation and sick time, health insurance, whatever else you get. In the US, the average cost of benefits to your employer is about thirty percent of your pay, so it's significant. Plus, tempts don't

have the stability that you get. Part of what they're being paid for is that they are temporary, and they can be dismissed at any time without any warning or any suverance or anything like that. Your employer could call up the tempt agency today and say, you know what, don't send anyone else tomorrow, and that would be that. So it's very very normal for attempts to earn more than regular employees for those reasons, So it's not something

to be insulted or offended or piste off over. It would actually be pretty surprising if your attempts weren't getting paid more than you now. If you feel like you're not being paid fairly or being paid market rate for the work that you do, you absolutely can and should ask for a raise based on that and based on the contributions that you make. But I wouldn't bring the tempts into it because it won't be a strong argument and it will undercut any other points that you have.

I hope that helps. That's our show for today. If you would like to your question answered on a future episode, you can record it on the show voicemail by calling eight five five or two six work that's eight five five two six nine six seven five. Or if you have a longer question where you would actually want to come on the show and talk with me, email it to podcasts at ask a manager dot org. I'll be back next time with more questions. H m hm