SNM076: Confidence Can Grow Your Business

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confidence is a critical component of your business. Find out why on today's episode, today's episode is brought to you by ECM. Rush started in 2008 with one mission to make online competition fair and transparent, with equal opportunities for all. To find out how SCM Rush can help you compete with the big boys. Go to serve no master dot com Backslash ECM rush today. Are you tired of dealing with your boss? Do you feel underpaid and underappreciated? If you want to make it online, fire your boss and start living your retirement dreams Now then you've come to the right place. Welcome to serve no master podcast where you learn how to open new revenue streams and make money while you sleep. Presented live from a tropical island in the South Pacific by best selling author Jonathan Green. Now here's your host. This morning I woke up early and I was looking at Cora. I'm always looking to see what people are asking about what the zeitgeist just thinking about. And so many of the posts are pictures of attractive people. They go. Is this tractor person really? How concern would be this good looking all these questions like, How should I feel about this? They're all about appearance, and they're all about the self confidence questions, and I don't know why I'm getting them because I'm not in any of the looks groups. I'm in lots of work from home groups, but it's interesting to me to see over and over again. People find someone online they find attractive and they post the person said, How can I look like this? And they're constantly looking for, ah, form of external validation. And you might be thinking, Hey, what does this have to do with this is the line. This isn't about looks. That's a different Mitch. I get that what we don't want to talk about today. It looks we're not here to talk about Look, we're here talking confidence. The problem is that these people are expressing by the question. They ask a lack of belief in themselves. They think that they're ugly. They don't think they're good enough. I know this because really good looking people don't post. It's the really good looking people post a different question. They posted picture themselves. They say, Hey, am I good looking or what do you think of this right? They ask a different question. But what? They're really hoping for their fishing for compliments, But again, they're leaking a lack of self confidence. I was working yesterday on my new product networking empire was recording the video where I talk about confidence, and that's why I want to share some of the mature with you now because it's so important to your business. It's so critical when you have low self confidence, it will infect every aspect of your business. When you don't believe in yourself in different areas, it will infect how you price your products will infect your sales conversations. All of these things will get cursed because you don't feel like you can charge this much if you think your time. It's where the $100 an hour, but you only feel comfortable asking for 50. You've cut your income and half your confidence is cut your revenue stream in half, and I see this all the time. The main reason we don't charge wanna charge is lack of confidence. We don't think people would pay that. We don't think we deserve it. I don't think we're worth it. One of the things that my first in a marketing coach ever told me, and it blew my mind was that most people, when they quit a job and moving online marketing, make the exact same amount of money at my job as a teacher. My salary that I negotiated was $36,000 a year before taxes. The first year I worked on line, I made within $100 of that, plus or minus almost exactly 36 I would. Whoa, I realized that every month when I made once I hit $3000 money, I would stop working. One month I got a check for $3000. On the fourth day of the month, I took the next 3.5 weeks off. I had created this artificial glass ceiling, and it's very common, and if he hadn't told me, it would have taken me a long time to break through my income. The next year I made more than 20 times more money massively changed my life because he showed me one little thing that was Hold me back. Most of the things that hold us back in life are actually within her own head there in our own perception. That's why confidence and understanding this is so important because it could massively increase how much money you make. And it can massively change your approach to business deals. Now most of us and most people, unfortunately, we're like solar panels. We get our self confidence. We get our feeling good from external sources. We need an energy supply. We need other people to tell us that we've done a good job. We need to accomplish things, to feel good. A lot of this. And there's this really amazing talk about education and how education is of this moving target. Education is this really manipulative system because it keeps saying you could be prompt. You could be happy when you do this. You could be happy when this happened. Hey, work really hard when you're young, get into a good middle school, working hard, Miskell getting a good high school. And you keep thinking that once I get to the next level, I can then be happy. They use happiness or satisfaction of the life you've always. One is a run in front of you right now. If you're working for a company. You have a job that before you had this job really wanted you thought if I had this job or if I got this brochure, I'll be happy. Every single person with a job thought that wherever you are right now. Before you were there, you thought Oh, my gosh, if I just got this job is too happy. But then you get the job. You know of this job doesn't pay enough. I need a promotion. Then I'll be happy. And so we have this moving target in front of us. So we either get our happiness, our sense of self confidence from achieving something from an external accomplishment or an external events. Or we get it from external people, people telling us we're good. Hey, Jonathan, you did a really good job. Now I last night got a really cool email from someone someone in moments is I never read reviews of books, but your book was so amazing. I had to leave you on how to email you about it may feel really good. It's okay to feel good when people say nice things to you and it's OK to feel bad a little bit. People say bad things to you. There's a review on serving a master. If you want to check it out, it's there. I didn't make any effort to delete it where someone says that. I thought this book was terrible until I read the second half and it totally inspired me. But most of the people who have left really good or good reviews of this air, probably drinking the Kool Aid, which is a reference to a Colton's out, a cult of Americans. The guy took everyone. It's called to South America, and then they all drink poison. Kool Aid. Okay, he's referencing me to the Jonestown massacre. Now, as much as that initially hurt my feelings, apartment goes, Wow, this person took the time to create a really nice metaphor. It's horrific, but at least they're creative, and I kind of I appreciate that it's better than just saying I'm a dumb, dumb jerk. At least they took the time to be eloquent and have a bit of a subtle reference. And so that's the biggest. I mean, I might have other negative views as well, but that's the one that I remember the best. And so it hurt my feelings a little bit, but if word external people, then I would be really good mood today. And whenever the other of you have been a really bad would it would control my internal state. And when that happens, it affects other areas of our work. When we aren't happy when we don't believe in ourselves, we're causally chasing a brass wing. Are total quality of life is lower? I talk a lot about, have a good life and feel good all the time in my lesson on depression and this is kind of level beyond that instead of feeling not bad. This is about feeling really good all the time. People meet me and they think that I'm very, very high confidence and that's an artificial construct. I was not a confident person as a child, I learned how to be confident because I realized it was necessary to continue living. I needed to change my destiny. And one of my friends, one of my mentors, told me about this idea of inside out versus outside in, and if you can lock this end, this will change your approach to life. This will change how you feel forever Instead of waiting for external validation, ex troll events are waiting for something to happen. Instead, you take control and you say, You know what? I'm just gonna be happy. And when you make that decision and you decide, you know what, I'm to be happy. And then when good things happen, that'll be also what bad things happen. That's okay, too. It stinks, but I'll endure. And when I made that decision, and it's amazing that it could simply be a decision, my life changed. My happiness went through the roof. I became much more confident. I became much more comfortable myself. I don't need other people to validate me. As you know, I mentioned this before. I come from the dating or the relationship space that you teach men and women how to find love and a lot of the guys. One of things that guy suffer from is initial conversation. Validation. A guy walks up to a woman in a bar if she rejects him and says, I'm not interested. He feels like in his head, she said, Just like in the movie A Knight's Tale. You've been drawn, measured and found wanting. A man walks up to a minibar, has an eight second conversation. She's not interested, and he feels like she's judged The totality of him as a person and found him lacking found him inferior. Not good enough. That's how it happened. Is it? If you're a woman, you especially no, 99% of time. That's not what happened. A guy will feel that way even if woman goes up. Sorry, I'm married or Oh, sorry. I'm a lesbian. Oh, sorry. My boyfriend's right behind you. He'll still interpreted that way. How could someone possibly judge the Italian press down eight seconds now, same thing. Reverses Course. You know, in the power struggle between the men and women between people in any type of relationship, the balance of power shifts. And then there becomes a moment where the woman wants to impress the man or one person changes. Who wants to press the other person? You're on a date. And you think the date went really well? And at the end of it, you're wondering. Oh, it was a funny enough. It was my dress. Cute enough. All these things and you're waiting for thinking invited on the second date. So once you start to like the guy the balance of power ships, seeing the relationship in the early faces, Whoever likes the other person, Maur has all the more power. And again, can someone really get to know everything about you and one or two hours? Of course not. I've had dates that were horrific, and I've discovered that even things were completely outside your control you'll get blamed for. I was on a date with a girl once, long time ago and we're talking. And I said, I'd like to kiss you and she goes, No, thanks. And a bird immediately pooped on her one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. Okay, I certainly don't have the ability to make that happen. The only time birds ever proved on anyone right in front of me it was in the middle of London where you don't really expect because it's such an urban area. It wasn't like we were, you know, surrounded by birds. And it was so funny. But she blamed me for it. I mean, she basically assumed that I had Greek mythology Taipower, so I could control animals and make them poop on people. Obviously No one has that power. But she blame you for that. And I knew I'd never see her again. I knew there was nothing I could do. I could see in her eyes. That was my fault. There are things that are outside our control. And I could let that moment. Oh, I failed. I failed at the state. Did I notice the bird's fault? You know, maybe find a better personality into the right way to do it. I could have turned the bird thing into a win. But these things happen. And so whether it's in business, whether it's in life, if you keep letting other people decide how you feel, you're always gonna struggle. And the truth is that other people don't really know you. I've been with my girlfriend for more than three years, and I would say we know each other a little bit. She doesn't know the depths of my soul. It takes a long time to know someone that level. She doesn't know every thought I have now. She knows me very well. Better animals in the world. Okay. She does want to thinking about all the time. She knows every time I try to be sneaky. She knows what's in the back of my mind. You know, I'm trying to hide a present. She could tell things like that. But I would still say she doesn't know the depths of my personality. She doesn't know what I experienced when I was a kid in high school, when it felt like to be fat and unloved and struggle and not have friends. But I also don't know what it's like to grow up so poor. The two of her siblings were killed by snakes and that you had to fight wild animals for food sometimes. Okay, so I don't I don't know her experience either. I know about it, but I don't really know what it feels like. I don't feel like I still at this point, have the ability to judge the totality of her as a human. So why do we give other people this power? It's because we're trained and were brought up in a culture that thinks that external validation key. This is why people, my generation, I still can't believe I'm a millennial but a curse are obsessed with posting their pictures of what they eat and posting pictures of them in their special outfits all over the inner to constantly get validation. Any time someone is constantly posting those types of pictures, there's a 90% chance that they are desperate for that validation. And so it's a sign, even though someone could be really good looking and they could be really successful in this career, a posting pictures of themselves online in bikinis or whatever, they actually have a self confidence problem because they need that extra validation when they get good. You know, when they get up votes on their pictures, they feel good and down votes make them feel down. This is a sign and where culture that's very vulnerable to this, because of the way we've socialized ourselves the last 50 years or so. But if we can break beyond this, if you can go, you know what I'm to be happy. No matter what, you will find every part of this process much easier. See making money online. I would love to tell you, building a business online is easy, but it's not. It's just like building any other type of business. It requires work, time, sacrifice and they're going to be bad days. And when you have those bad days, when things go bad, if you're are not rock solid inside, it will destroy you and you'll quit. So there's a deep connection between your sense of confidence and your ability to weather the storms. I had a bad day on Friday. A couple of days ago, I I got back in e mails from an editor. I dictated my last book, A Dictated. This book, 20 came today and maybe you're listening in the future. It's already out, but I dictated that book and talk about excessively inside. The book is my first time ever do a total dictation and she goes, This is way too hard and send it back And I realized I have to manually edit the whole thing. And the truth is, you have to because I really I'm the only one who were able to tell what I was talking about. Certain sections, vast subsections have no mistakes, and there will be an area that's really confusing in the transcription. So it has to be me. That's okay, but I was really feeling down about it, and I just was like, This is the worst I don't want to do this. This is Dr Waste of my time. I thought I had paid someone else to do this. She said the money back, too, of course, but and I was feeling a little bit down about it. Now. Did that affect the way I interacted my Children that affect the rest of my day with other people I know in the moment while I was doing it? Yes, I was a little bit snappy, but that's why I'm alone by myself, in an office. Or so it's not bad. When I'm in the zone working by myself in the corner, people don't distract me. My girlfriend, the kids, they don't distract me, and I don't snap at them, Okay? It doesn't translate over to them, but in the moment yeah, I was feeling a little bit snappish, and so I wasn't talking other people to make sure that that didn't happen. But then it doesn't come into the other areas of my life when you have bad days. We have a slow sales day when you're feeling like, ah, struggle. You don't want it to affect your family life. You don't want to affect your internal state, and this is how you can overcome that on a very simple core level. To break down this philosophy in a very simple way, is understanding how emotions work. Most of us think of emotions. Is this powerful forces that comes from again bad psychology In a couple of books that came out 50 or 60 years ago that were dead wrong. Emotions are just thoughts that we have in a different category, and I could give you a perfect example of this. Let's say you're really stressed out. You have to work on a bunch of stuff, and all you could do is think about that's something you have to wear a condom, every sad about your very stressed out about your very depressed about it. But then you go to the movies and where the movies you're suddenly not thinking about anymore because the movies were able to distract you a different thought. Something else took primacy. This is a sign that whatever you're thinking, whatever you're distracting was just a thought, emotions or just a thought. I have some friends who disagree with me, but my personal experimentation and my presser experience of life has shown that this is true and this belief this understanding is what helped me break the chance of depression that affected a great majority of my childhood. So you're feeling this emotion. Okay, let's see you go through massive break up or let's say your computer explodes, which happen to one of my interns recently. And let's say your work or your washing machine explodes, cause now wash machines are exploding. I saw that online recently. Massive recall for exploding washing machines. Something happens, and you're just feeling bad. Whether you lose your job, you fire your feeling depressed, you get home. And then there's an emergency phone rings when your friends is hurt or you smell smoke. Okay, nobody is depressed in a fire. No time for it knows depressed in a gunfight. Ask soldiers who were in the moment. They never feel those bad emotions when they're in the moment, because there's no time for that. You have to focus to survive, and so different thoughts take promising. These thoughts take control, and that means thoughts are just thoughts. And as soon as you realize that as soon as you go Oh, wait, I can choose to not think about these bad thoughts, it will change your course. This is a core principle behind how I maintain my conference. I pushed back in and suppress whoever I start to feel bad. I do something that takes my mind off the bad thing and pushes me in another direction. So as you're kind of going through this experience as you're beginning to work for yourself trying to write a book, you're gonna have moments where you think to yourself. I'm writing to slow. This project isn't working. I thought this client was gonna send me the money. I thought that this person was gonna do the deal with me. Deals fall through all the time. Potential coaching clients changed. Reminds me all the time. It's okay. It happens. It would be very easy to get depressed because I could always think, Oh, that money would be really cool if I could do this with or that with it would open up this opportunity, that opportunity, we all when we think we're getting a big payday when we think someone's got to pay us five or $10,000 or something crazy, we already spend it in our mind settling And so when it doesn't happen, does opportunity there for us to become depressed even though your state hasn't changed, right, You don't have the money and you don't have money today. But you thought you were gonna have the money, right? So one thought leads to another thought. When you have these moments, remember that they're just thoughts. Remember that these little events don't define you as a human. Their steps on the path to greatness. How many people remember that Ronald Reagan ran for president twice before he got elected? Probably nobody. Unless you voted in those elections. Certainly nobody of my generation and I believe nobody of the generation right before mine. We don't remember people's failures. My biggest failure. It's my book on de Cluttering. The first book I put on Amazon. I didn't know what I was doing, and I made some mistakes. I also spent a lot of money for that book together. That's book had the highest costs as Faras publishing's farts riding as faras launching all of those things. I didn't know what I was doing, and I overspent classic thing that happens to someone when they're entering a new market. Don't know they're doing. That book was a failure For a year and 1/2 it was the albatross around my neck, and I thought to myself, All never baked back my investor in that book, you will always be a loss as a whole. Amazon is a massive profit for me. But if you look at the single project, I always thought I'd be a loss. And then something magical happened about six weeks ago. It is now the top book in my entire catalogue, out of more than 30 books that have on Amazon outsells everything. It's Dominique I was looking today. It's a top look this month again, amazing things can turn around. The sun always rises. Remember that your failures, who in turn into successes without you doing anything and when you remember these things, and when you realize the importance of confidence and how comments will affect everything you do, it will affect how long you're writing sessions are. It will affect the quality of your riding. It will affect the words you write, because when I'm feeling down, I write down. When I was doing a research when I was doing a research project, two years ago to write in the survivalism and right wing space for a client ready much emails for someone. I started getting really parent weight, and I really worry about the end of days. It started affecting writing other projects. Same thing happens if I read a thriller mystery. So the things that come into our lives, the things that take over our minds and affect our thought life, they can affect the other areas of our life. They can affect our income in other ways. You don't want low self confidence or a bad day or unnecessary emotions to hurt how you feel inside to hurt the quality of your work. Because then you create a cycle. You get depressed so you work suffers, so you make less money. So you get more depressed. You work suffers more This cycle, this negative type of cycle can destroy your business. And this destroys many an independent entrepreneur. Certainly there are people who suffer from way too much optimism. But far often there are people that suffering quit too soon because they don't have enough confidence. I don't have enough belief in themselves, and they caught any situations and they don't know what to do. They quit rather than just talking about Don't quit, which is something people advice people give all the time. Don't quit unless you should quit. Thanks, that's great advice. Instead, what I want you to do is become one with yourself. People talk about oneness of the lot of Eastern philosophies. That's the idea where you feel like you are, who you are and you are who you should be. And that comes from understanding how confidence works, understanding how your mind works and realizing that a lot of the information we have about thoughts in our culture is wrong. You have the ability to control your emotions. You don't need external validation. True validation comes from within. The more you believe in yourself in the more confidence you have in yourself and you can create confidence by taking control of your thought life, everything else will fall into place. This entire system will become easier. Success will be easier, and along the way you'll be much, much happier. So if you look at me and say, Wow, this guy seems still confident happy. I realize that I came from a place where I wasn't and I made a decision to change my life. And you make that decision right now to be more confident, to reject negative thoughts, to not let small things affect how you feel about life. Small rejections, air, not a measurement of your to tout is a human. They're just bad moments, and these bad moments are often part of the path. And at the end of the path, you're gonna achieve great success because you're on the path of me and I'll make sure it happens. You're part of my tribe. You're part of my team working together. We're heading towards something great. I believe in you. You should believe in yourself. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Serve No Master. Make sure you subscribe, so you never miss another episode. We'll be back tomorrow with more tips and tactics on how to escape that rat rings head over to serve no master dot com forward slash podcasts. Now for your chance to win a free coffee of Jonathan's bestseller Serve No, master. All you have to do is leave a five star review of this podcast. See you tomorrow. Thank you for listening to serve. No master podcast. Head over to serve no master dot com back slash podcasts right now to find out how you can win a free copy of my brand new book.