Jinmaku! Jinmaku! Jinmaku! Go get’em buddy! My dude OWNS the makuuchi division. Also, if there’s one thing people should take away from this episode, is that William-Adolphe Bouguereau is a connoisseur of great asses and he would’ve loved the Jean-Claude Van Damme era of human history. This episode is quite the winding road, jam-packed with shenanigans, beaucoup cousin sex, and exploration of several art techniques and theories. As we navigate this road, we join an unexpected game show, I kick m...
Oct 25, 2024•4 hr 13 min•Ep. 33
Henri, Adele, Alphonse, Dead Gary, Odon, Napoleon III, the Grandmothers, Alix, Amédée, MIT Math Nerd Steve (from Pollock), Charles, Piss Pons, the Black Prince… We. Are. Back! Along with several additions to our colorful cast of characters. Is it really a Semaine Sanglante if you can’t trust how much sanglante was spilled in the semaine? Why are that German man’s balls on your grandmother’s armrest? What’s a zoo for, if not to provide for a fancy Françoise Massialot-inspired menu? Can we ever tr...
Oct 25, 2024•3 hr 10 min•Ep. 32
Our adventure begins with the Grandmothers, a footnoted sister, more mounted heads than fireplaces (which is saying something), and some thick-ass man-thighs. As we make our way through French history, we'll learn about why Paris was an "immense workshop of putrefaction," take the most horrifying raft ride of all time, get Gothic and emo with a spicy lady named Germaine, and ponder whose day that small newsie boy just ruined. Along the way, I mess up the same joke twice, tell an inappropriate st...
Nov 17, 2022•3 hr•Ep. 31
Before we begin the Toulouse-Lautrec journey, we of course need a 5 hour fever dream of French history. It only took me one episode in this series for me to lose my mind, so that's pretty exciting :) Act I: Entirely Too Many Louis Act II: Little Internal Structures Act III: It's a Family Affair Primary Sources Toulouse-Lautrec: A Life, by Julia Frey Toulouse-Lautrec, by Gerstile Mack Toulouse-Lautrec, by Henri Perruchot The Unpublished Correspondence of Toulouse-Lautrec A History of France, by J...
Jul 08, 2022•5 hr 33 min•Ep. 30
In the Frida finale, we alternate between having lots of fun and exploring the cavernous depths of human suffering. But we also have fun? If you're here at the end, thank you so, so much for taking this entire weird journey with me. This really has been a life-changing project for me. Seriously, though, we will have some fun. Also, it gets sad. Like, really sad.
Feb 10, 2021•2 hr 28 min•Ep. 29
In what was supposed to be the finale, but instead turned into the episode before the finale, we learn quite a bit. Really, we learn too much. About neckerchiefs, turkeys, monotheism, Val Kilmer, making still life paintings look like porn, broken columns and wounded deer, and the Golden Age of Mexican Cinema. Along the way, Frida puts it on a German guy, takes a surprising new job, decorates a pulqueria, and makes a desperate choice when it comes to her health.
Feb 10, 2021•2 hr 41 min•Ep. 28
The episode that broke me. 11/28 update: two-parter finale is on the way soon. Apologies for the delay, it's been a crazy few months and anything under 4 hours for the finale would've been a crime.
Jun 09, 2020•2 hr 55 min•Ep. 27
In a rollercoaster of an episode, we learn about mural negotiations, chicken salad sandwiches that curb masturbation, and which type of gringo is worst. Along the way, we’ll figure out which type of baby is cutest, how to freak out journalists with candy, and meet a true best friend. Frida is more of a passenger than a driver in this episode. In the time period we cover, she begins as a doting wife, roommate, and travel companion. By the time we’re done, she’ll have tested the boundaries of pain...
Mar 24, 2020•1 hr 42 min•Ep. 26
While Frida recovers-ish from the accident, she starts down a new path. This path will take her to a magical place beyond a window, the Communist Party, a Tina Modotti party, and a wedding party. Diego has a hard time keeping Dieguito in his pants as he makes his move, I tell embarrassing stories, Matilde and Guillermo continue to not talk, missed x-rays are the worst x-rays, and we learn what goes into changing the spelling of your name. And, there are multiple shootings, both of people and ele...
Feb 13, 2020•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 25
How many daughters is too many daughters? What do you do with the extra ones? Is it ok to cause an old man to fall down a flight of stairs? What if he wasn’t your intended target? We’ll explore all of this and more as we get to know a growing family. We'll also learn that not all of your kids are created equally and you should make sure they know that at every turn, more stuff about legs, why little Timmy isn't in school, what not to do with pets, a first love, Blue Danube, getting down with a l...
Jan 02, 2020•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 24
Frida Kahlo has become a name synonymous with strength and independence. She was born during a crucial time in Mexico’s history and touched the lives of everyone she met. She also was ridiculously hilarious in the face of horrifying personal events that would crush the average person. Seriously, this is gonna get depressing. To prepare for our series, we’re taking 8,000 years of Mexican history straight to the face. We start with a bunch of rain, then traverse through a confusing calendar system...
Dec 02, 2019•2 hr•Ep. 23
The Don Pepe Incident, a story about Lucy we’d all like to forget, nerd-ceremonies, and a complicated reunion. Then, things get really, really fancy. We’re finally wrapping up our story in the only way it’ll let us…weirdly. Caravaggio breaks out of prison to reach the one person who will help him. He also makes more bad decisions, paints some stuff, hits the club, and pays the price. @artholespodcast
Sep 30, 2019•58 min•Ep. 22
In a post-Nooch world, a comparatively short period in Caravaggio’s life is jam-packed with a comparatively large amount ludicrousness, so the finale is now a two-parter. What do you do when you’re on the run for murder? You create some of the most important western art of all time, obvi. Plus, you keep acting like an asshole, because you literally never learn. Caravaggio’s road to redemption is a joyful, nostalgic romp through Europe. It starts with a bribe, veers offtrack due to another Johnny...
Sep 05, 2019•1 hr 21 min•Ep. 21
Greg Rotolanti, butter, Fillide, sex-wrinkles, a resolute and purposeful “Jenis,” The Nooch, a magic flying house, and tennis. I honestly don’t know what else to say. I for sure lost it on this one. @artholespodcast [email protected]
Jul 24, 2019•1 hr 29 min•Ep. 20
Baglione, Mao, The Nooch... As adversaries emerge, lines are drawn, and words are exchanged. Really, really, ridiculous words with unimaginable fallout. Caravaggio finds a brother figure in Onorio Longhi, even though his actual brother also lives in Rome. Onorio finds his merengue needs unfulfilled, but his hunger for violence satiated. And, Fillide finds out that some moms are checked out a bit early, while some co-workers check in behind your back. Let your porny paintings become more violent,...
Jun 25, 2019•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 19
The new Counter-Reformation mix tape dropped…ya heard? It’s a music-heavy episode, not all of which is appropriate for work. Maybe not everybody’s work, but, most people’s work. Cardinal Del Monte has quite a few guests at the house and people have thoughts. Also, Caravaggio creates some paintings inspired by music, a guy named Francis, and Mario Minitti’s sultry gaze. And, I lash out at more Popes. Take a listen and learn about some terrible surgeries, a lazy investigation by the sbirri, and so...
Jun 01, 2019•59 min•Ep. 18
Caravaggio finds a new home after maybe murdering somebody. But who would take in such a person? Turns out, lots of people. We’ll learn about Caravaggio’s artistic developments, including one painting that has a surprising connection to the show! We’ll also learn that sometimes, having your monkey cared for is more important than rebuilding a city. If you were a genre painting, what kind of genre painting would you be? Would you have bursting figs and succulent cherries? Would you be a red-wine-...
May 01, 2019•45 min•Ep. 17
How many Caterinas is a sufficient number of Caterinas? What’s the appropriate length of a baby Jesus arm? Is John of Austria the worst? Does a REAL Catholic uncontrollably vomit? These are the questions we’ll tackle together in order to dig into the beginning of Michaelangelo Merisi’s life and career! That, and, I butcher Italian names, recklessly valuate the scudo, and justify the imprisonment of homeless people on a moated island (sorta). Manner-isn’t…amirite…?
Apr 10, 2019•45 min•Ep. 16
One of the greatest and most enigmatic painters, born into an insane time. He was also a complete nightmare. This is the story of a man whose poor behavior was matched only by his ability to capture the human condition. It's also a story of extreme violence, tennis(?), two weird poems, and ridiculous amounts of enabling and privilege. But, first, our story begins away in a manger... It then quickly flies off the rails when some Roman Emperors make bad decisions, a bunch of popes have rough days,...
Mar 13, 2019•56 min•Ep. 15
I feel like the title of this episode really bottom-lines what’s happening here. Clement Greenberg takes a stand at Jackson’s funeral, Lee doesn’t stand near anyone, and I can’t stand math. We finally get to talk about what Jackson Pollock’s drip paintings are. And for that, we need the assistance of nerds. So let's watch some ocean waves crash, talk about D ratio with Benoit Mandelbrot, and try to measure a coastline before our brains melt. A full series is now officially in the books. I hope e...
Jan 27, 2019•23 min•Ep. 14
Jackson begins to scare even the most grizzled of Bonacker, Lee starts to assert her independence, and we meet a man named Bootie. So have a chat with a secret prostitute at the Cedar Tavern, discover that sex symbols can come from the unlikeliest of places, and don’t forget to drink your health juice. Also, we learn more about 1950 East Hampton than you ever wanted to know, an old woman gets treated like a ping pong ball, and Harold Rosenberg writes an article that nobody understands. @artholes...
Jan 12, 2019•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 13
This episode flies off the rails. Roger $%#$@ Wilcox comes front and center and there’s also a crazy brawl in a mud pit. Jackson becomes ridiculously famous, drops a bunch of c-bombs, and somebody makes a critical post-colostomy decision in Connecticut (of all places). Get ready to deal with a terrible spinach analogy, General Patton (I get distracted), a guy named Ron, and Hans Namuth pushing Jackson over the edge. So take a bunch of barbiturates, ask Bertha Schaefer inappropriately aggressive ...
Dec 19, 2018•50 min•Ep. 12
In this episode, Jackson finally gets to explore a part of himself that he hasn’t really figured out yet. Also, we’ll learn about the old ‘murican policy of “if you do hair, you can’t do war” and a fabulously blue discharge that was for a not-so-fabulous reason. And, Peggy puts the moves on Jackson. It goes exactly how you think it would. As we traverse through the PUT THE @%$#%@ HAMMER DOWN!!!! tranquility of Springs, we learn about the Bonackers, Jungle Pete’s, Jackson’s new best friend (who’s...
Dec 05, 2018•42 min•Ep. 11
In this art-heavy episode, we'll work through cubism, surrealism, being too old for stuff, and the inner workings of Jackson’s penis. Lee and Jackson figure out how to do the dating thing, while the French do Frenchie things in New York. Jackson’s art takes a giant leap, but people aren’t exactly sure what to make of it. So grab your paintbrushes, allow automatism to take over, get that money, and let Howard Putzel give your career a jump-start! We learn something new about Jackson in this episo...
Nov 23, 2018•35 min•Ep. 10
Get your paintbrushes ready! Jackson learns a new form of therapy that’s not based at all in science or medicine, we learn that Kandinsky made some stuff up, and the United States military learns that Jackson is ill-equipped for more or less anything. Learning is fun! In this episode, we blow on our borscht because it’s a bit too hot, meet a new main character whose brother is...well...not very brotherly, and Jackson gets a new mentor. So scream at your kids about ghosts, while a Russian newspap...
Nov 14, 2018•33 min•Season 1Ep. 9
Jackson recovers from his unfortunate boxcar train ride, then heads back to NYC to hang out with Thomas and Rita Benton...but maybe a bit more so with Rita. Frank’s girlfriend Marie gets an earful and almost a neckfull, Jackson takes late-night naps in other people’s urine, and we meet a new muchacho! Dios mio, there’s quite a lot in this episode. Dry-hump a stranger, assault a BUNCH of women, BS your therapist, and have (more than) a little rotgut while we celebrate A Very Greek Christmas Eve! ...
Oct 31, 2018•49 min•Season 1Ep. 8
LeRoy and Stella make a big move, LeRoy has some tough employment decisions to make, and Jackson finds a new form of inspiration! Let's explore exactly what kind of man should be in the arts, rustic little gnocchi, how to make strong pruno in high school, P.E. teachers, the movie Parenthood, and of course, Gyp. Oh, and there’s more stuff about horses. I know, I know... @artholespodcast [email protected]...
Oct 21, 2018•49 min•Season 1Ep. 7
The art history journey continues and our journey with Jackson Pollock begins! This series is going to be a complete rollercoaster. It begins with annoying naming conventions, separating your children into teams so they'll hate each other, tuberculosis, and withholding pie (aka love) to let people know you're mad. This story forces me to rant about Daniel Day Lewis, above-ground pools, and the not-so-cool ways America settled the West. I also discovered that I may have an unhealthy fear of horse...
Oct 15, 2018•41 min•Season 1Ep. 6
This story goes exactly where you think it would - a guy named Mr. Frip, clowns, aggressive literature, and the movie New Jack City. We also meet the original gangster, Gertrude Stein, who joins the tertulia and handles some business. I try to figure out how art is sold and the status of Western art at the turn of the century, which includes a donkey named Lolo and an unnamed monkey. There’s a number of ways Picasso could have been terrible to women. But life is short, why choose just one? We al...
Oct 07, 2018•37 min•Ep. 5
Casagemas ruins a dinner party and everybody deals with the fallout. We travel around a bit, then settle in Le Bateau-Lavoir, which comes fully-equipped with a Fabian. It sounds like a great building, unless you’re German or a little girl. Get to know Picasso’s first great love, Fernande Olivier. You sit tight Fernande, the doors lock from the outside and Picasso forgot to make spares. Let’s explore the Blue Period and then escape with a little help from the poppy! And don’t worry, when times ge...
Sep 11, 2018•50 min•Ep. 4
