The Dull Flat Truth of Everyday Life

The dull, flat truth of everyday life. It's one more thing. I'm struggling, Getty.

One more thing.

Is that our mission statement.

That was one of my favorite quotes from I think William Faulkner about why he drank as much as he did. He drank himself to death, but he did not like the dull, flat truth of everyday life without a couple of drinks.

I get it, Yeah, exactly, you.

All get it, which is really Shane Gillis's point in the fake ad they had on Saturday Night Live. We'll play this first and then discuss You.

Wouldn't know it, but a few months ago, anxiety and depression were ruining my life. I was struggling at work. I was struggling as a father, Come on, Andrew, you can't be beat at school in sports, and struggling as a husband.

That's not because my mom's doctor thinks that we should move her into an assistant living mind.

That's awesome. I was at a real low point. That's what I talked to my doctor about. A couple of beers. A couple of beers is revolutionary medicine that treats anxiety and depression fast and within minutes. Of taking it. I'm back to my old self, Andrew.

I love everybody who's the best in the whole.

World, and my confidence is through the roof. Jay, you look freaking hot, man, even do the way Platt's.

Excuse me, Oh sorry.

I'm just having a tough time adjusting to my new medication. So the way it works is simple. A couple of beers quickly turns a cloudy, rainy day into a sunny one. It's that easy. Now I'm the me I want to be. A couple of beers is a clinically proven treatment for conditions like boredom, depression, winter museum hangovers, affair, and moderate to severe Italian wife.

And if you missed, the most.

Common side effect of a couple of beers is drowsiness, so you may want to ask your doctor about a little bump. The way a little bump works is simple. Once the drowsiness of a couple of beers sets in, you simply take a little bump and let the medication do his thing.

Particularly like a couple of beers will help with you know, mourning, springtime, museum.

Yeah yeah wow, I like museum. Yeah yeah. Your confidence will be back. Wow. Jenny you're looking freaking hot.

Well, and he goes from his wife sitting there on the couch telling them stories about her mom, and he just couldn't stand listening to her till he was actually, you know, able to pay attention and be kind of pleasant after a couple of beers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's just there's just too much reality that for many people, I think for that well, that's why it's funny.

Yeah, especially I mean, what would happen if the introverts of the world were all denied any social lubricant. I mean, I know how it's affected your.

Well, I know, you know, I know for me and Dada two kids.

So you're too busy to do a lot of Like socialists.

I wouldn't do it anyway, So I know what it's done for me. For one thing, because I don't drink. I haven't had a drink in eighteen and a half years. I would put myself in social situations I didn't want to be in and drink to handle them. I just don't do them anymore. I hated them, I didn't want to be at them. So now I just don't, which has helped a lot. I don't know why I did so often in the first place, it's not something I want to do a lot of those things. Yes, Katie, No, I'm listening to you.

I'm also thinking about all of the situations where I absolutely take a shot at tequila before I attend.

So, yeah, it's funny. This is a great help to me years and years ago. And if i'd none you were going to be talking about this, I would have grabbed a quote Thomas Jefferson wrote once describing how his natural inclination is toward being a loner. He was an introvert, and he would much prefer to be by himself, eating or writing, or you know, working, or maybe with one close friend. And but he realized if he indulged that

And maybe so I just need a slave girlfriend a cheeriup.

All right, that was a cheap shot, and beneath you wait a minute, nothing man anyway, uh and and and so as a person so inclined, Jefferson was known to sip a bit of the maderra my Spanish wine or something like that. In fact, he ran up so much debt importing stuff like that from Europe he couldn't pay his debt. But yeah, so, and I have activities and group and stuff that I'm a part of, but I don't want to say I dread them because I enjoy them,

You think Jefferson got like halfway through the Declaration of Independence that I.

Just don't feel like finishing this.

God, if Madison hitsed me with we don't need a pillar race one more time, I'm gonna box his ears. And he had a couple of beers and everything was fine, Yeah, exactly, exactly perfect. Although the end of that commercial, there was a couple of aspects of that commercial which were bracingly honest about the downside and side effects of using that as a crutch in life.

Certainly, or yeah, if you go too far. That's the problem with the whole couple of beers thing for some of us is, uh, it's.

Hard to not do it always or take it way beyond a couple right and working totally.

I don't seem to be progressive guy, which is lucky for me as a alcohol enthusiast my entire life. But I think about the evening and I will give up drinking for spans of time just to make sure I can and that I still know how to wind down for bed without you know, getting my drink on. But if it's not one of those nights, if it's gonna be one of those nights where I have my Scotch or maybe even a glass of wine with dinner or whatever, I really look forward to it. And you know, it

But I'd love to.

I wish they could, like, you know, take a swab out of your cheek or something and say, oh, you've done twenty one percent damage to your health and are going to die X number of years prematurely cause you won't put down the bottle.

Why do you want to know that? Bliss and that I don't want to know.

No, I'm the world's greatest fan of realism. I want to know exactly what I'm putting in my body.

And what do you think that? Do you think you think you would change behavior based on that?

I might?

Yeah? Really?

I mean, for instance, if they said, yeah, you feel great today, but you're gonna have a devastating stroke in March in April, well yeah, all right, just as a for instance, what what if it was in two years, I'd want to know that if it's probably more realistically that you know, maybe you lose I don't know, instead of dying at eighty nine, you die at eighty seven.

Yeah, I'm going to change your behavior for that.

I wouldn't, right, yeah, especially if those last two years are the really difficult, painful for everybody barely hanging out.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, have people because you ain't got a couple of beers, all right, right, I would love That'd be fantastic. Maybe someday with AI, they'll able to figure all that out where everything will have that on the label. You know, you eat this candy bar, you just shaved. I don't know, forty five seconds off your life or something.

I don't like this world we're creating right.

Now, I'm eating it. It'll be like the calorie thing. You know, you go, you get a muffin. It works on me, the calorie thing.

Definitely.

I go to Starbucks and I think, I like, I'll get a muffin in it four hundred and fifty calories.

And it ain't worth that.

Those muffins designed for what to feed an elementary school.

They're so enormous and dense.

But if it said it'll cut five minutes off your life, it'd be pretty easy to say five minutes.

What do I care?

All sorts of different philosophies too. I mean, the body is a temple. You know, God has built it. You should honor it. That's one philosophy I respect. But a lot of my greatest think favorite thinkers, from hl Menkin to Thomas Jefferson to all sorts of different people were one hundred percent on the Yeah, I could live a life of complete discipline and so.

Right, But what the hell is the point of that? Yeah, let's enjoy ourselves. It's a short ride.

Goodness, save everything in moderation.

Exactly, exactly, if you can do that with that.

For now, I keep thinking if I knew how many toes I could lose by eating sweets, like if it was only two, but I could eat for twenty years.

Yeah, because you're afraid of you're gonna lose your whole foot, right.

I don't want to do that, But but a toe or two I can still get around.

Like your ring toe.

Yeah, something like that.

Gonna say you gotta judge it on toe by toe. Basically every toe is created equal.

Something to think about.

Well, I guess that's it.