Congress Shall Make No Law...Yada Yada Yada!

Congress shall make no law. YadA, YadA, YadA. It's one more thing.

I'm strong and Joe just YadA, YadA YadA. James Madison, I'm talking about the.

Fourteenth Amendment during the show, did you just YadA YadA YadA, the Bill of Rights. We're talking about the fourteenth Amendment and the question of birthright citizenship, which is a hot conversational topic these days and actually really interesting. And I mentioned that the fourteenth Amendment is actually five paragraphs long and it would take a long time to read to you. The first part is about all persons born or naturalized, YadA, YadA, YadA,

The next it's about streaming contracts, which is really weird.

Right exactly, Yep, you gotta be able to cancel them. Third one is about senators and congress people who or may not have been involved in an insurrection or rebellion. Remember that one came up, you know, after January sixth uh and a couple more paragraphs. Nobody knows, but I was looking at the amendments and it would appear that in a close race. The shortest amendment is the eighth Amendment.

Inflicted cruel or unusual cruel end on us and unusual.

Right, And you know my theory, then one of the cruel and unusual. Right. If it's merely cruel, but you do it a lot, that's fine. And if you know, a beating from a clown is certainly unusual, but it's no more cruel than any other sort of beating. Clown beatings would be approved in the court of Joe Getty's justice.

So you're on somebody over with a car. People get hit by cars all the time. There's nothing unusual about that.

Now, it's cruel, unspeakably cruel, but not unusual. I think we're missing a loophole here, folks. But I think everybody knows the Oh my god, I almost said one of the stupidest things things I've ever said. I think everybody knows what's in the Bill of Rights. No, obviously most people don't. You should, but you don't, which is why you end up quartering troops, You jackasses. Study history.

I just learned the other day James Madison was really against the Bill of Rights, really thought it was a terrible, terrible idea. But then when the vault went against him, he like, we should do more often now decided Okay, well that's been decided. Now I'm going to argue what they ought to be because it's going to happen, even though I didn't want it to happen in the first place.

And indeed he brought it to the floor of the House immediately as he said he would.

The reason he didn't like the Bill Rights is he is afraid that now that makes it seem like outside of these ten things, everything else the government can do. That was his concern.

Yeah, yeah, I think history is proved that he was wrong as real statesman. And yeah, oh yeah, tiny, tiny lady.

And I've never seen a smaller founding father.

Oh boy, not a long hitter, James Madison. So everybody knows freedom of religion, press expression, the first right to bear arms, quartering of soldiers, that's the third.

I don't have to work, so man, when I get home, I got some news for those guys.

Get out of my house. Can I get my stuff at least, and I'll ship it to you. Search and seizure, trial and punishment, compensation for takings. That's the Fifth Amendment. Everybody knows the part about how you don't have to testify against yourself, but that's actually one of many things mentioned in the Fifth Amendment.

I didn't know that I should read that over.

I'd forgotten it. It's one of those things. I had to memorize it at one point. But here's the entirety of the Fifth Amendment. I thought this was interesting. No person shall be held to answer for a capital or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia when in actual

That's the wheel of fortune. After the jeopardy portion. It's the wheel of fortune portion correct.

Nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law, that's where that very famous phrase let comes from due process. Nor shall private property be taken for public use without just compensation, which there's a lot to the fifth Amen, we aren't always good at where's the thing where you can't testify against your husband or wife or you don't have to?

Is that in the Bill of right?

No, somewhere, Yeah, that's just in case law. I don't. I wish I knew.

But why can't you testify against your husband or wife? There are no other relationships like that you can justify?

Oh you can't.

You can, but just can't be required.

But how come you in some situation but you can.

Be required to testify against your kids or your kids against you, but not husband and wife.

I was just talking to my law student daughter about this the other day, and I don't remember exactly.

Because you and Judy's big Ponzi scheme and you're worried about.

Oh yeah, I tell you what. The second the cops are here, I go states she was running it. She made me do it right under the bus and Jody, honey, I hope you're comfortable under there. Oh let's see. So I think the longest of the amendments I can find is uh is probably the twelfth about choosing the president vice president. They had to clarify how that was going to work. But man, they get long. The fourteenth is long, five paragraphs long. Liquor pastards, which boo what number is

Is it short? No more booze? Parties jackasses? That's what that one's called.

Yeah, it's it's long and boring, just like a world without alcohol. Another are three shortish?

And then how soon after that one is the one that says parties back on.

The twenty first? God bless it. Actually the eighteenth was ratified in nineteen nineteen and it was repealed in nineteen thirty three.

Wow, I always forget how long that period was.

Of no favorite. Some of my favorite writings by H. L. Menken were written during Prohibition. What he would describe how congress people and senators Washington, DC, you could get a drink practically as easy as you can right now. It was everywhere because the senators were never going to hold themselves to this same standards. They were just doing it

Your people, Katie to go a wear our party.

Yeah, because of what your people put us through every day by being drunk a holes.

Yeah. Well, if your people weren't all day long, maybe I wouldn't need a drink.

Well, if you would do some things around the house, maybe we wouldn't all the time.

Oh my God, give me the bottle. Where's the bottle?

I think that was the Lightning Boardwalk Empire. If you never watched that series with Steve Buscemi, really great portrayal of those years.

Nineteenth Amendment women's suffrages I was ratified in nineteen twenty.

Man need a due over on that one.

Yeah, So women's voting and prohibition came up at the same time, although admittedly liquor was abolished just before the year before women got the right to vote.

One of my favorite places, near the Radio Ranch in San Francisco was an old prohibition bar, and the owner took us down into their their storage room one day, and all of the old tunnel doors were all welded shut because they used to move alcohol underneath San Francisco in this tunnel system.

But it was really cool.

Yeah.

Yeah. One of my favorite liquor stores was named twenty second Amendment Laquers, which I always I'm sorry not to twenty thirty first Amendment. Yeah, yeah, twenty second is presidential term limits. That'd just be a weird name.

Went to a barn term limits.

Oh, by the way, ladies, keep in mind nineteenth Amendment. We gave you the right, we can take it away, and.

Yes it's on a as a needed basis.

Let's can anybody name the last amendment? I'll tell you that it's the twenty seventh. Does anybody remember what it is?

Mm?

Well, the last one is the twenty eighth, as declared by Joe Biden a week ago.

Yeah, we could go to that. That's right. On Twitter, I wish i'd more carefully read article too about the presidency. Turns out it says let me flip to it the president shell at the time of his choosing enact new amendments to the Constitution. On Twitter, I don't want a senile nut job?

What is number two seven?

Limiting congressional pay increases ratified in nineteen ninety two. Essentially, you don't get a raise until another round of elections is held. You can vote one in, but you don't get it.

You know, our friend Tim thinks there should be more amendments that we or have been. We've made it too difficult. It seem like it's acted like it's just too big a crazy a deal to ever talk about amendments.

Yeah, I would agree. I mean, you spend two hundred and fifty years doing something you ought to get better at it, figure out, oh we forgot this. I would like to see some stuff clarified, like the fourteenth Amendment that the birthright citizenship all I want is added on if the parents have legal status in the United States. You can't just sneak in.

All I know. I'm glad you read that. When I get home, there are some soldiers sleeping soundly in my bed who are gonna You're not gonna be happy to hear what I now know.

I will court you no longer.

Jebediah, I declare on this twenty fourth day January twenty twenty five, that is it