Well, if you ever win the lottery and want to be self indulgent, I got an idea for you.
It's one more thing. I'm strong and getty. One more thing.
I'll start here. Joel have to help me. How do you pronounce an A with the two dots over it?
I said, German, that's Swedish.
I thing, yeah, umlot, Well that's the well, that's that's the symbol. Yeah, I was wondering how you pronounce the anyway. The brand is h A S T E N S. With the thing, I'll call it Houstin's probably close anyway. So I mentioned last week this thing New York Times has called Wirecutter and they recommend products and I've kind of gotten sucked into it and I purchased a bunch of things from their recommendations.
I really like it.
Their their their ethics are they don't take any sponsorship, they don't take any money, they don't get to keep the products, and uh, they review all these different things and tons of things. Like I bought a frying pan the other day. They said the best non sticks frying pan you can get. And one of the reasons it's so popular is it's not like you might expect out of the New York Times. They're always the most expensive
thing out there. It's very regularly you can get this at Target for twenty bucks or or if you want to really splurge, this one's two hundred dollars. But it's only this much better or whatever. It just it has and I've been very happy with a bunch of things I've purchased from it.
And well, and that's so hard to find now. Yeah, yeah, soal honest, you know, ratings and reviews and stuff like that.
Yeah, well, lost of them are crap.
Yeah.
And they'll have like, you know, the best white T shirt for men, and they'll have ten different options, different price points, and why they're good and you know how they hold up and wash in the prime. Well whatever, you get the point this. I need a good beefy tea. I remember, do they still have the Hanes beefe tea? Because so many places.
You go the T shirts are like double washed for softness, right, and they're superform fitting. I don't want superform fitting. It's all right, It's like im a age twenty.
I don't know.
Mark Kotzi says, I look worse with this shirt on than I if I didn't have a shirt on. Yeah anyway, So this is why this one stands out so much, the headline being I wish this fifty six thousand dollars mattress weren't so incredible from this reviewer. As a Wirecutter's resident sleep expert, I've tested nearly one hundred mattresses, including a dozen of those in my own home. I've slept on everything from a forrrible bed in a box. I got my son one of those. It's pretty cool to
ten thousand dollars mattresses made from materials developed for massa. Well, I've found decent, even wonderful options across the spectrum. None of them have compared to the Hostins two thousand te It also costs fifty five, seven hundred and eighty dollars.
I'm getting one of these right away.
Hostin's would lend her to the mattress to slip deep on for several weeks, along with the box spring and headboard. With If you get the box spring, headboard and the mattress, that brings you to seventy five thousand dollars.
Well, if you you gotta, you gotta get the package because they fit together.
I mean it's a unit, it's a team.
Austin's derived from the Swedish word for horse. Of course you knew. That was found in eighteen fifty two as a saddle making business that shifted to luxury bed making in the twentieth century. All of its mattresses are hand crafted from the same materials horse hair, wool, flax, cotton, and steel coils.
The company.
Whoa one of the big selling points. One of the selling points of this mattress. It will last spells like a horse. Yeah, what are the selling points of the mattresses? It will last the lifetime. So if you're a rich person who buys expensive mattresses and you started at age five and lived to be two hundred, you might break even but on having one mattress your whole life. But horsehair is the star of the show in every Houstin's mattress. I
promise this is interesting. The horse made and tail strands are heated, heat treated, braided, and then steamed to create a permanent curl, an expensive process which, according to Hostin's, is the main reason this bed is so different. The curls are dense enough to create a loose, springy structure that feels airy yet supportive. The fibers are hollow. This helps the mattress feel breatheable by wiking away moisture and excess heat.
Okay, I just can't get past a mental picture of a bunch of shaved horses running around stud Wish.
And they had their hair back. Hastins usually requires potential buyers to try mattresses and purchase before purchasing one. Of course, you wouldn't want to buy it online a sixty thousand dollars mattress, so I embarked on a sleep spa experience
at the company's flagship store in New York. There are thirteen mattresses in the line, ranging from fourteen thousand to six hundred thousand dollars, and I was able to try each mattress at my own pace in a dimmed room, swallowed in a down comforter with two pillows from my head, one for my knees, ambient music playing. There is a person lying in the bed across them, guiding me to scan my body to assess the feeling into my hip
and back. If a mattress filled un supported them all away, Hey a bed somalia to help you choose the right one, That's exactly right.
M uh.
Shopping at Hostin's felt like a meditation session in a cool, quiet studio, relaxed.
Blah blah, blah blah.
After forty five minutes, I landed on the two thousand tees soft. Here's the part that I really liked, that I thought was quite amazing. I know from years of mattress testing the comfort is subjective, and no single mattress work for everyone. That being said, sleeping on the two thousand t tea feels like nothing I've ever felt before. When I settle in, the mattress conforms just enough to my whole body to sink into it, while what feels like a thousand little hands support me from below.
Yeah, don't tut me there, like a bunch of a little oop bloopas.
The closest comparison I can think of is floating in a sensory deprivation chamber. When I lay on the Hostins, I feel weightless, like I'm bobbing on a pool of water calibrated to my exact body temperature. I can barely tell whether a mattress ends and my body begins, regardless.
Of what position I'm in. That sounds freaking cool.
Yeah, I mean because I I had the same look on my face that you've had up until this point. Like, okay, get to explain in how great this. But if it feels like you're not laying on anything, like you're just actually just floating in body temperature air with no pressure on any point in your body, that's pretty appealing feeling. I've never had it, but wow. Unlike the slow sink of memory foam or the cushion of a padded pillow top, the horse air and a Hastin's mattress has a natural springingness,
yet it's just as soft and far more breathable. I'm a hot sleeper on ever, once woke up sweaty below the horse hair two three and forty individual springs offer a sensation that is as delightful to experience as it is difficult to describe. But imagine being suspended in a tide of soft shifting air. Imagine being suspended on a tide of soft shifting air, cradled yet free. I gotta admit I'd like to try this once. I would never. I would never, even if I could afford it. Buy
one of these. Maybe, if I could afford it, I would. I mean, well, it actually makes that point at the end of the article.
Well, I just before we move on, just to clarify, you are saying horse hair and not horse hair, right, this is not the harvested hair of sex workers.
Right, people exchange if people exchange money for sex.
Yeah, exactly. Just you know, I got that Oscar winning movie on my mind.
No, the common beast of burden as seen in western movies.
Ah, the horse, Yes, I'm surelier there's one.
Now, hey, come here, I got an idea for your hair. Hold Still, after a couple of weeks on the mattress, I could feel them. This this part is amazing, Okay, all right. After a couple of weeks on the mattress, I can feel the materials start to compress together, creating lumps. After I got up in the morning, you'd think, Man, two weeks into my fifty six thousand dollars bed, I'm starting to feel lumps. I'd think, all right, somebody's gonna
get a beating. Right, But that's normal. Assures Hostins because the mattress requires regular complimentary massaging. Yes, every mattress sold by Hastins comes with a recalibration program in which Houston's employees visit your home to loosen up the materials and redistribute them to prevent the mattress from settling into a U shaped valley. Each Hastin's owner is entitled to the service for a decade or more with the mattress.
All right, this sounds like a pain in the ass. Yeah, wait a minute, and.
I want some dude coming over and massaging my mattress on a regular basis.
That's where Hey, Joe, can you play golf tomorrow? No, I'm due to have my mattress massage.
You're what. No, it's made with a horse hair. It's very complicated.
You're gonna get a massage on your mattress. No, the mattress itself is getting a massage.
What the point they make about spending the money, though, is I have a pretty expensive piano. This person says that I play.
Sometimes.
Many of us stretch our budgets for a fancier car, marble countertops, or whatever. We spend a third of our time on earth asleep. Our mattresses are among the most intimate, constant companions of our lives. One of your most prized possessions was your bed instead of your car or something else that you care about. The having to have somebody come to my home multiple times a year in massage.
My bed does sound like painting the ass the other description of you can't even tell you're laying on anything. It's just like you're floating that untouched.
It sounds amazing.
It does sound absolutely amazing, and I wonder what to be like to sleep like that.
I'd like to try it once.
Until it starts getting lumpy and needs a massage. That's so weird to me. I have so much trouble sleeping. I could see if I if I slept on one of those and it's as great as they describe, I might decide, you know what, I'm gonna drive a twenty year old Toyota Corolla for the rest of my life and uh, I don't know, donate plasma every Saturday and figure out a way to get one of these beds.
I just hope they carve out a little bit of that sixty thousand dollars to buy a nice wig for the now hairless horror.
Who's not gonna get in because not that many people won't have sex with a bald woman exactly.
Well, I guess that's it.