I'm Tired of My Freakin' Sleep Problem!

I'm tired of my freaking sleep problem. It's one more thing, one more thing. Is this a self explanatory?

Okay, here we go to the man that braided my hair while I was sleep on a plane. I need you to come forth immediately, you.

Said, directly behind me.

Some people might say, how did you let somebody braid your hair? First of all, when I get on a plane, I don't sleep.

I hibernate.

I remember specifically, I'm sleep on the plane and I hear and I said, who is taking pictures? And when I wake up, it's literally right in my ear. That's where I found the braid. Don't touch people while they're asleep.

It's weird. Woman went to sleep on the plane and somebody braided her. She's asleep, and she's unhappy about it and wants them to come forward. Okay, man, you're a sound sleeper, is all I take from that.

I would wake up if somebody looked at me on a plane at all. I can't sleep plane to begin with, right, Yeah, well I can't.

That's why you can't sleep in a bed.

I know. That's now I'm gonna get sidetracked on the sleep this thing again. But so all the stuff about you can't look at your phone, you can't eat this, or all the things you gotta do. Then why can I sleep like a baby on a plane or in the afternoon, I stare at my phone for like eight hours before I lay down for a nap and go sound asleep. Or on a plane, I mean a comfortable position on a plane, I've been looking at my phone for hours.

Yeah, I got strangers all around.

I've taken no melatonin or magnesium or any of those things. I go sound asleep. So it can't be those things, can it.

I don't have any idea. That's really interesting. Set o questions.

Yeah, well I've I've done this to myself where I've stressed myself out enough about not sleeping that I can't sleep.

True. True, I've finally achieved these zen like ability to not do that took me years years.

Or even the coffee thing. I go home for a nap, I've been drinking coffee all morning and I go to sleep.

So fall in coffee.

All the things you're not supposed to do that are supposedly keeping me up at night, and you go sound asleep. There's something different. I don't know what it is.

Yeah.

Yeah. A doctor might say, well yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, you can't sleep at night because you do all those things. Then you finally crash with such exhaustion. You sleep in the day, which makes it harder to sleep at night. Follow my eight point plan, you'll slumber like a baby. But why wouldn't it reverse at some point? I don't You can't sleep for your nap, but you fall asleep at night. Well right right, I try and try to nap, but I just can't. Never had that problem. Yeah,

I was just gonna say Jack's opossum.

A little bit. My daughter, Kate, my oldest, is uh. She's one of those people who will live Keith Richard's hours, left her own devices.

Me too, I know, I am. I just have a job that doesn't allow it. The one time in my life where I could sleep whenever I wanted to is I was working at ups late at night and allowed my hours to just be I never said an alarm clock. I'd go to sleep at like four in the morning, and I'd wake up around noon on my own. Only time I've ever been well rested in my life and not wishing I could lay down immediately was when I was sleeping from four am to noon. It was fantastic.

It's such a critical pillar of health. You'd think there would be more known about it and everybody would know it. It wouldn't be nearly as mysterious.

Yeah, how is all the stuff that they prescribe to help?

It's like, I can't take that because I will be a mess the next day, probably because of these hours.

But okay, here you go, all right, according to AI, which would never make a mistake. Yes, some people are naturally more inclined to be night owls or nocturnal, meaning they have a preference for staying up late and waking up later due to a genetic predisposition that affects their circadian rhythm.

And like a lot of things in society. We apply character to people who get up early naturally and go to bed early, even though they might just be built that way, right, Like, they're better people than those of us who would rather stay up late and sleep till noon.

Although for all of human history, with very few exceptions, you had to get up in horror and be done by the time the sun went down. So so we developed morality around practical reality.

Could be.

Yeah, humans have different sleep wake are chronotypes, which range from morning larks to night owls. You call me a morning lark. We're fighting. Yeah, I like girls.

It's a little bit. It's a bit of a dandy kind of term.

Yeah it is. Yeah, Genetic and environmental factors factor in. All right, let's check out this whole morning larks thing or night owls.

I never sleep as well as I do at one thirty in the afternoon.

Let me accept all the cookies. I really enjoy cookies.

Yeah, I'm the same way Jack. I can lay down and take a nap and I'm out. Tell me to go to bed at a reasonable hour, right, So just gonna lay there.

Here's the question for any doctor out there, then, So why does the staring at a smartphone or drinking caffeine or whatever not apply to that sleep. That's the question I have.

And I know that it's crap because I don't look at my phone in bed, so that's not the issue here.

Wow, so this is interesting. I was hoping they had a whole list of your various birds you're supposed to be. I guess this is an interesting insight. Though such diversity may have benefited our ancestors. Having people who are naturally inclined to sleep at different times may have increased the likelihood of survival for hunter gatherer tribes.

Right, that makes perfect sense. Or saying you want me to be the night watchman, no problem, I'm going to sleep during the day.

Who will protect us at night? Oh, lazy jack. Of course, they wouldn't have had a value judgment.

They'd say.

They would probably call you Sees at night or something some groovy Indian name or just the owl they'd call you, and you'd be no, like, I got your back. Everybody's slumber. Well, just don't be eff and bothering me in the morning when y'all are going after the analoge.

And then yeah, we'll call in Joe the lark.

Right, I've got this one.

My Indian name would be bald man with murder face.

Hmmm, grumbles with anger is awake?

Yeah, who wants to work third ship?

Have you know?

Watching the castle gate? Happy to do it. I'll go to sleep at five in the morning when the sun's coming up, and sleep till about doing the afternoon.

Right, and people would be very grateful to have you know, a certain number of your type in the tribe. That's got to be it. Well, there you go.

Yeah, you're just wired that way and you're screwed.

Let's let's uh, you know, take the baton from well, I couldn't do this from Jim Bohannon and doing all night to talk show. We'd rule the airwaves. Truckers would enjoy our show. Of course, you do a podcast whenever the hell you want.

Back back when that used to be a thing. It's not really anymore, but back when that used to be a real thing in the radio industry, I thought that would be the perfect job for me alone in a room, taking calls, talking about stuff.

Oh, it sounds like a nightmare.

In the middle of the night. Oh, I would have loved that. It doesn't fit in with much of a raising kids sort of a lifestyle.

Yeah, let's see. So there's I was lucky that I got to run the experiment that one time when I was working at UPS that that sleep pattern.

Oh my god, it was so awesome. Yeah, I didn't set an alarm for like nine months, the only time I've ever in my life felt well rested.

So here's a professor of sleep medicine at the University of Oxford says, the variation in sleep patterns is simply how genetics works. It mirrors the differences in hair, eye, and skin color height. Quote, It's a bit like any other biological characteristic. There's a normal distribution. So there are people on both extremes and the majority of people are neither.

Well, why isn't this talked about more than applying these rules of well that you're looking at your smartphone too much and you need to take magnesium and all these different things, as opposed to well, you're a late night person, so you're going to struggle with it. I don't know, try to figure out how to get a nap.

Isn't the first thing you should do is establish what chronat type you are.

Obviously, my dad clearly is a guy that is built because he's done this his whole life, and he's well rested. He goes to bed it like nine at night and gets up before in the morning. Mm.

Because he's got more character than you.

Well that's the way it's been applied. Yes, but it worked perfect for his job.

Yeah. Wow, I think we've we've had a real breakthrough here. Yeah. I would like we need to publish a peer reviewed papers. Anybody have any idea how you get started on that?

First? We need to find peers. Other talk show hosts, right, make genital jokes? Is that our peers?

Oh?

Oh my, back to genitals.

You know, the best sleep I get, believe it or not, is in a dental chair. I don't know if you guys ever fall asleep, that's the n No. No, I can if I get my teeth cleaned, I fall asleep in the chair.

There's an just there. Do you know? I don't think you understand what goes on with surgery? Then what that mask they put over your mouth just to put you asleep?

You wake up in your belt is on?

I don't know why, just saying well, I guess that's it.

What's that?

Well?

I'm you sleep at the dentist?

Yeah, during like cleanings. Yeah, during cleanings.

The hell Okay.

I just count the tenths of seconds as they crawl by.

Does they make that sound with the scraper on your teeth?

Yeah? I am just continuously wiping the sweat off the palms of my hands.

While sleep like a baby. Mm hmmm, you know it puts me to sleep. A prostate exams, man, I'm out like a like afterwards.

Yeah, ants and grab all this is good stuff.