Can we fall in love quickly? Please? I have a two o'clock. It's one more thing.
That's great thanking for before we get to this. And I know the podcast lives on forever and you might be listening to this six years from now, but if you're listening to it anywhere near June the fifth, twenty twenty five, Elon just started shooting back at Trump on Twitter. We talked about it a lot on the radio show. We think by the end of by sunset today on June fifth, they will be taking personal shots at each other as two of the most powerful people on earth that you can't imagine.
I say it happens while I'm still picking my lunch out of my teeth. It's not gonna be till sunset. Holy.
Elon just said Trump would not have won without me. That's gonna piss Trump off. That's gonna really get under his skin.
Oh boy, all right, Moron, that's come on the live radio show tomorrow. If you're listening today, If you're listening tomorrow, it was yesterday. If you're listening three days from now, it was a week from two.
If you're listening in four years, how is AI working out of any robots drained your blood or anything.
Eating your liver straight out of your belly. All right, a moment to center ourself. Now, Oh, there we go.
So I'm reading my reams and reams of media the other day and I came across what was a follow up article on a woman who writes a well loved column about love, and it was a ten year follow up on her relationship with her man, which began with an essay from well, it's a study, an essay a thing of a jigger from a psychologist about whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated, how you can go through a process and be in love or damn close to it at the end of the very very brief process.
So that you can get to the divorce by dinner time or what?
Wow, I don't you're in a hurry. I don't know exactly, although before you get to your harsh and idiotic judgments something. Now, I sound like trumpet elon, don't I let me explain what's going on here? And I guess this made a bit of noise around ten years ago. I either missed it or have forgotten about it. Thirty six questions, broken up into three sets you go through with that person, and then you stare into each other's eyes for four minutes.
Now some people say two minutes is enough, some people say it really takes four minutes. So you go through these thirty six questions which I will absolutely read you, and then you stare into each other's eyes, and by the end of it, if there is love to be found there, you'll have found it. The idea being I can explain it to you, but go ahead.
So I've thought this many times in my life before we even had this discussion. I look back over people that I ended up in relationships with, and you know, the feeling that we generally call love, although what what
it love is, it gets very very complicated. I mean, the long lasting dedication to supporting someone blah blah blah versus the you know, butterflies in your stomach la la lalla, but not to mention the hats, uh yeah, but the the closely related to the butterflies, the butterflies thing of mine. In every instance it's happened to me in my life. I can remember the moment that our eyes locked for
however long, and that's when the magic happens. Of nobody actually understands if it's pheromones, or we read each other's genome and realize we could have healthy kids together, or what the hell goes on there? But I got I remember the moment for every situation, and that's when it happened. So I can absolutely believe that if you went through a room like a big group of people and y'all both star at each other's for a certain percentage, I don't know what percentage you it would happen.
Well, and feel free to jump in whenever you want, Katie or Michael or home you know, either one. But that it's funny I got. I got like an electric charge through me when you describe that we met eyes and moment, and nobody has to fill out what happens after the end. Everybody who's ever fallen in love knows it, and it can be an extremely brief yeah, locking of eyes.
Yeah, That's that's why I've always thought, if you get turned down, you got to just realize that whatever whatever this magic was, wasn't there. You don't have to take it personally.
It's not a rejection of your qualities as a human being. It feels like it is, and I always thought it was but no, it's it's funny. I had this this experience years ago of I was walking through an airport and there are all sorts of human beings. There are some of the best people watching on earth, including you know, attractive females, and I am a flaming heterosexual though faithfully married, and I passed one woman and my brain about exploded.
Wow, that's interesting.
She was my type. And you know, it's probably not an insane to state that she looked a fair amount like my wife did when she was young and we got together, but it was it was striking. It was like she's good looking, she's kind of hot, ha ha. It was. It was crazy, and so I thought, wow, there is something going on there, whether it's Freudian biochemical as you're suggesting, or whatever that either is or it isn't.
I believe we read each other's genomes with our with our minds. But yes, Michael Show, did your mouth I love you too? Well?
No, I said it. I grabbed her in both my arms and gave her a long kid. You're like the sailor with the nurse after World War two exactly. And when the cops stopped beating me anyway, all right, So here's the stuff. I love you, that's us So all right, here's the story this. Psychologist Arthur Aaron and others were exploring whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions.
The thirty six questions in the study are broken up into three sets, each, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one. The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the studies authors quote, one key pattern associating with the development of close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating reciprocal personal self disclosure. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult,
so this exercise forces the issue. Now, I can't remember, Jacket, may have been during the radio show when we were talking about doing this. You asked, is accelerating it necessarily a good idea? Well, what you are?
Would you want to? Or is the drawn out process of it happening at the pace it currently happens? Is like the greatest thing in the world is do.
You earn your way in? Is the way I'd put it.
So like here's how to skip over having to eat Thanksgiving dinner. It takes too long to enjoy those flavors. Here you can enjoy all the flavors immediately in like two seconds.
In a pill. I don't want to well, right, and again, it could be argued that the time spent working your way from set one to set two in real life, that's an application process. Like I said, you've got to earn your way in.
Maybe your heart would explode if you fell in love instantly alta.
Well as opposed to all right, let's move on to a higher level of intimacy. Ready, here we go, I mean, anyway, it's an interesting theory. And the one you're done, you stare into each other's eyes for four minutes set number one. Let's go through the question.
You can't stare into someone someone's eyes. You can pick an eye and stare into it, thank you, And it's always bothered me.
Yes, Mike, if I feel like we're losing the thread here, you pick an eye and you stare into that eye, and maybe they're staring into the same eye as you, or you're staring into two different eyes, or you alter their left and they're staring into your right, so you aren't really even looking at each other. Wow. And what if you're like me and you have the crazy eyes exactly right? Got them real tor eyes? Yeah, that's that's funny. It's neurological truth. Thank you Jack. Here we go now,
set number one. This definitely starts with ice breaking party game and moves on from there. Here's your first set of twelve twelve questions. I think it is twelve. Yeah. Uh. One, given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want to as a dinner guest? Just stop me if you want me to stop, we can discuss the the greater length animal after two? Would you like to be famous? In what way? I would? Well? Yeah, answer if we If we answer all of these Number one,
it's going to be really time consuming. Number two, we'll all be in love with each other and that would make it super weird to do the show a trumple or quadruple or whatever. Yeah, good lord, it was right? All right? Here we go.
Uh.
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you're going to say? Why this is? I tell you what? As you work your way because I've read all these as I work my way through them. I definitely felt a I would feel really close to this person?
Is this yeah? I don't want to get off track. Here is the assumption that if you answer the same you are a better fit or is it just not at all? Okay, it's just the having the conversation is a way to find out about.
Each other, you know. As I said in the UH and the introduction, it's all about escalating vulnerability and trust reciprocal. Where is that phrase, escalating reciprocal personal self disclosure? Okay? Where were we? What would constitute the perfect day for you? What did you last sing to yourself or to someone else?
I sing to myself every single day.
Every day, although this shows ruined my throat. Six. If you were able to live to the age of ninety and retain either the mind or body of a thirty year old for the last sixty years of your life, which would you want?
That's an obvious one to me. Without the brain, what the hell's the point?
I'd be handsome as hell. What's the point of being some brainiac?
You're old and wandering around the neighborhood. No, your brain's fine.
Seven? No, do you have a secret hunch how you will die? A Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. Your partner being the person that you're doing this with.
That last one clearly h ob halo bullets.
Terminal syphilis because I play around a lot. Oh my gosh, horror. That is great pleasure in life. I can't give up. So yeah, yep, dad from syphilis. All right, Moving on to question eight, I'll say fireworks accident. All right, Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. That's that's a good little bonding one. Eight. What in your life do you for? What in your life do you feel most grateful? Ten? If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
Oh that's a good one.
Oh and that is getting a little more deeply into who I am. You are? And yeah, take number eleven. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
Take how many minutes? Four minutes, as much as the period of time four minutes?
Okay, yeah. Uh. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? Oh? Boy,
there we go. Uh huh. Here's where the guy says something stupid and the woman rolls her eyes, but then realizes, now he's a dope boy, but I kind of like him, which you know, honestly, I can think of several instances in a couple of relationships, particularly with the Lovely Judith, where the vibe was, I've been an idiot and I screwed up, but you're forgiving me and laughing along with me. That's that's a step.
Oh huge, that's huge.
Yeah, ron to set too. Does anybody need to have a good cry or wipe their nose.
Can kind of screwed me up a little, to tighten.
Their pelt or anything? All right, on set too. So this question thirteen, if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
That's a tough one.
Yeah, yeah, huh.
Who's going to win Super Bowl fifty seven?
All right? Next question? Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it? That's a good one. Again, you're gonna have to admit, so say what I'm going to do too much and.
Start on it too little laziness, fear, whatever it would be, whatever it would be, it wouldn't be an attractive quality. So that's a good question for that reason.
Yeah, yeah, escalating levels vulnerability. Here we go. Fifteen, what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? What do you value most in a friend ship?
Fourth of July, couple of years ago. I ate seven hot dogs in one sitting.
Why impressive? That is great? Moving along to the friendship thing. Then seventeen is what is your most treasured memory? And then eighteen what is your most terrible memory?
Oh? My god, fuck, I don't even know if I want to think about that, but I could see why it would be a valuable conversation.
Yeah, no kidding. Nineteen options if a skip? No, no, absolutely not. You can't skip. I'm rejecting you for even suggesting it. Next, let's get started with question one. Here we go, Let's say nineteen if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are living now?
Why these are good?
Yeah? Yeah? And the way they kind of go up and down in intensity I think is super small. You got to send me this list, Oh I will, I absolutely will.
I want to use it, and we'll post this whole.
Thing at Armstrong and geddy dot com. There it is twenty What does friendship mean to you? Twenty one? What roles do love and affection play in your life?
I'm always a question behind. They would help me bury your body, they would bail me out, Yeah exactly.
Uh yeah, you know that's I've heard that said before. They'd show up to bill you out without asking what you did. Oh, that's a good goal, right, kil three hobos. Thanks for dropping boy, I need a ride home. Let's see it too. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. You go back and forth. Here's this is an interesting transition because this is not revealing yourself exactly. This is saying I really.
Like you something positive about them, and you don't know them very well, though you might.
I mean, this is not a speed dating thing. This is you have an interest in each other.
When do we stare into each other's eye at the end of it, I'm gonna stare into your eye. Hold still, We're almost done. I tell you what you fixated on that whole?
You know, it's actually impossible to stare into both Some say we don't move on from that. We're done? Yeah, right for real, next for starting to question one again, come on in here for almost for almost done with section two. This is twenty three How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people? And then twenty four how do
you feel about your relationship with your mother? And then I guess you take a break, or you take a shower or something, to do five push ups and you come back for set number three. You thought the first two sets, Oh my.
God, there's more. This is exhausting.
Yeah, I know it is all right, Katie.
No I'm not. This is a lot.
Yeah. Yeah, Well you're a woman.
You better drive a nice car if you expect her to stick around for round three.
Oh oh too shallow to swimming. Here we go, Set three, make it set this is number twenty five. Make three true quote we statements. For instance, we are both in this room feeling something twenty six Complete this sentence. I wish I had someone with whom I could share like.
A popsicle this samewich, that's right to pizza.
I'm really hungry.
Twenty seven if you were to I was thinking about that the other day. A walk around the block when I go for a walk at night. I thought that'd be a good one. I see other people walking with someone, and I think that would be nice.
You know, Judy and I walk the dog together every morning, and sometimes one of us will sleep in for whatever reason or have like an early morning appointment or something like that, and if we miss it, I hate it, just hate it.
My mom and dad walked together every night. She's for decades and decades and decades.
That's a beautiful thing. Uh So, there you go. That's the sort of answer that you would share with somebody and it'd be like wow, anyway. Twenty that was really well put, Joe, You do this for a living. Twenty seven. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know about you. I drink a lot, and when people tell me I drink too much, that makes me drink more. So don't bother. Twenty eight. Tell
your partner what you like about them. Be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met. Wow, so we're going back for round two of this. But this is not a cocktail party. Be real. Twenty nine Share with your partner, an embarrassing moment in your life more vulnerability obviously thirty When did you last cry in front of another person? When did you let last cry by yourself? Thirty one Tell your partner something that you like about them already so we're
back to that again so soon? Thirty two What if anything is too serious to be joked about? Boy?
I don't know if there is a topic for me hardly but short.
List no doubt? Yeah. Uh. Thirty three If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?
Wow?
And why haven't you told them yet? Wow? I think we're all gonna need a minute. Wow gitting for clemped? Yeah? Yeah, Okay. Now when the two of you are both done crying, you can continue with number thirty four. Your house containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to say, if we make a final dash to save any one item, what would it be and why it wouldn't be my fire extinguisher because it didn't do me any good.
I assume you're not thinking about like your tax files or birth certificates or something, or are you.
You answer however you want? You're telling me how to answer. You're too oppressive. Next, let's start again with question one. He's telling me how to answer the questions.
There'll probably be paperwork actually.
Boring.
Yeah, I know, but there's some things it would be really really really really difficult to lose.
The classic answer wedding photos, family pictures, a lot of them are on the cloud.
Now yeah, yeah, wow.
Well, you know what's interesting about this question is you can sit here and think about it, whereas the very structure of the question implies you would have no time to think about it. Wow. I don't even know the answer to that question. It's like, it's a really interesting question and worth the discussion in this context. But that's like one of those you know, how would you react if someone pulled a gun on you?
Yeah? Well, the problem with this is, uh, a lot of the answers could sound really shallow. I mean, if I've got my loved ones out and everything like that, and like if all important paperwork is in a safe, which in my case it is, which bright survived the fire, and then it's probably gonna be something kind of material. I'm afraid I PlayStation five. Yeah, something like that. I got a couple of guitars I'd hate to see burned up.
I was gonna say, I might grab my telecaster. It's it's it's a totem of some of the best times I've ever had. It was in my hand while I was doing some of the things I've loved the most. Anyway, Uh, but you know it's again, it's not it's not like there's a right or wrong answer.
So there's a wrong answer. I'm sorry, that's the wrong answer.
Right my collection of iguana hide. I mean, the point is that you're being intimate anyway. Moving along, second, last one, thirty five of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? My god, what kind of question is that? It's a question that only people who are really, really close would deal with. Wow, this is what we're doing.
Because you pick one. You got to leave some people out, obviously.
And then this is the last one. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem. You have chosen. Oh, I get it. Okay, So how would you handle this? And can you tell how I feel about this problem? How? What? What are you sensing from me when I describe this? So don't just solve it for me. Understand what I'm really trying to tell you.
Crab grass in the side yard.
Tried everything, I'd rip it up and resad and I can tell you really hate crab grass.
There we just gave you for instance.
You know what you keep crabgrass mode? It looks great.
Yeah, well when I mode lawns, I mostly mode crab grass.
Honestly. Sure. Back in yeah, yeah, nobody had a lawn worth a crab.
Everything was just mowed down weeds which looked pretty nice.
Actually yeah the crab huh no, no, no, next. So there you have it. We will post that at Armstrong and getty dot com, but under like hot links for June the fifth, or can we give it like a banner, you know, featured position? Yeah?
I would like to run through those questions sometime in my life. That sounds pretty cool.
Yeah, we'll have our people get on that. Hope you enjoyed it, and God bless you in your pursuits romantic, professional and otherwise.
And if you've got someone, go home and stare them in the eye.
If you could kill three people this afternoon and how be detailed.
Yeah, well I guess that's it.