What About Love?

Adventist Radio London. Inspiration for the song We Welcome to Talking Point with Ray Sen you Angeler, discussing the hot topics and answering your questions, Saturdays five to seven pm on Adventist Radio London. It's talking Point. It's talking Point. It's talking Point. It's talking Point, real conversations. You need to have good evening, good evening, good evening, and welcome to Talking Point. Thank you for joining us. If you're listening in, it is just

twenty five past five, starting a little later today. Schedule is running a little over today, but welcome to Talking Point. It is the tenth of February. And hope you've had a blessed sabbath so far. I think sun may set already, so I hope you've had a blessed day. So we're going to get into it. Thank you for joining us. I am joined in studio. Actually no, I'm not joining the studio. I'm joining a studio with my mum. Actually, I've got my mum with me today,

sitting quietly at the corner there, smiling away at me. But anaz zoom. I've got my trusted co host Pedro and his lovely wife Tara and so thank you both for big with us today. And then, actually the only person who's missing today is Xena. It's her turn to be the jet setter this time, so she's off on vacation. I'm not quite sure whether she's actually where she actually is at the moment, but I know she's going off to sunnier climbs than here in the UK. So yes, so travels,

Zenya. We are glad for you. I'm happy for you that you're taking a break. I just wish I was able to come with you. But next time, Yes, from yours. They're right. So so we're going to make a start. We're going to say prayer and then we're going to get into what we are going to be talking about today. So let's pray, Father God, I want to thank you for blessing us with another Sabbath

day, Dear Lord. And wherever and people have been and what have they done, I hope that they've been praising you, worshiping you, and have gained to blessing from today, Dear Lord, Dear Lord, We're gonna be talking about a topic that's dear to your heart, I know, dear Lord, and important for all of us, and definitely important in our relationships that we have. So I pray, Dear Lord, that you bless the show today, bless our conversation, and I pray that whatever we share will be

a blessing to those who are listening. I thank you for hearing and answering and being such an awesome God. This is my prayer. Amen. So we are here at Talkie port Point. Thank you for joining us. If you want to join in our conversation, because it's all about talk and sharing our thoughts, you can get involved by either emailing us at studio at Adventist Radio dot London, or you can text us on at eight triple to eight, write hope and then your message, or you can whatsappers on seven four

five nine six four two eight nine eight. So do get involved with the conversation today. We'd love to hear your thoughts. So, Pedro and Tara, how is your week being? How are you both? It seems like the week has gone past very quickly because it feels like it's only yesterday that I saw you. Actually, it was really nice to see you. Guys are the flesh rather than just other screens. So technically we are in the studio we're just on zoom we are. That's true. That's true. That

is true. But yeah, how's your week been? You can see each other other folks can't see us. Yeah, so that's why that matters. Well, No, our week was good for me? Is being a little rough because you know, I'm on the rolls all the time and been snow and sleed and rice. I'm ice and cold, and yes, I've been, you know, just dealing with that. The heater. The heater in my car. It didn't go out, but I gotta get it. I got to get to the I gotta get to what do you call that.

I got to get to the shop because my heater it stays on, so like when I turn off the car, it continues to run. Like I have to add to like manually disconnected. So that makes it a little difficult because you know, like sometimes you get in the car and then it starts like forcing on the window, so I have to like plug it in so that I could deforce the window. Then it gets too hot because it stays

on the whole time, they have to unplug it. So that's I dealt with that this week, but made it through, so thank God, and hopefully the next couple of weeks, I'll be able to take it to the shop and get it fixed. But I'm glad you've got some heat, because I know what it's like not to have heat. And yeah, the bad weather like that, and you're driving your cards and care Okay, I'm not sure how much colder it could be. He might as well be sitting outside

the car, you know. But yeah, hopefully, Oh I since I've lost you guys that you frozen me frozen. Okay, Well we all come back to them, hopefully they'll be back with us. As often sometimes, as with live radio, there are technical difficulties. But here we are. So we all go back to Peggo and Tara in a second. So for me, my week has been an interesting week. Oh you guys back as I said, yeah, we I say we got we lost it from me. I'm sorry. I don't know what happened, but I was yeah,

but the cold, I was U saying talking about the cold. The cold don't bother me too much. Is because I were like thick socks and stuff just annoying because you know, you don't realize how much you I hate. These are like trying to cars. I like the old fashioned. You know, we could just turn the knob, you know, and so everything's huh with the heat coming on instantly, you mean right, well, no, not just instantly, just you know, it's I can't control it, so

it just makes a little bit more difficult. But thankfully I made it through the week, and I was for that. My week was good. I've been healthy this week, so that was a good thing too. I wasn't sick, wasn't cold coughing, so that was another good thing that this week it was was good for. But it did go fast, Yeah it did.

I mean I marvel at the fact that, you know, twenty four hours seems quite a long time, but you know, seven of those go past really quickly, and you know, once again, here we are about you. I had a good week, you know, it's just the week that God let me be here and made it through the week dealing with the kids and dealing with you. But other than that, you're something to deal with too. Whatever. Don't just started on this show. But God is

good all the time, and I'm just glad we here today. Walk yeah, yeah said. The whole thing just shut down. Yeah, The cars was literally sliding back and forth. The trucks, you know, the big trucks and stuff. Was literally just passed in the middle of the street. But it was traffic just for miles. Wow, you know. Wow. Yeah, they did say the weather was gonna take a bit of a turn, but it's so different when you think of different parts of the country.

Here down south, we've not had We've not really had any snow. A little bit of frost and stuff, but really not as bad as that. So I wonder what's coming. But yeah, we've had a lot of rain. Unfortunately, we live in the mountains, so we get all the nice, nice weather. Oh oh well, I was just saying before lived it was snow, but where I was working was like Liverpool, there was no snow. I was looking all so it was just so bad for me because

all day I'll be I was out. But as I got closer to home, that's when the weather started to get better than the car started kind of sliding a little bit and I have to be more mindful. But yeah, yeah, so it wasn't everywhere. Oh no, it's been Yeah, I was gonna say. For I was just saying before my week's been again another busy one. I pulled my back actually so I'm not quite what I'm not sure what I've done, but it's amazing how sometimes something happens. And I

realized all the things that I suddenly now can't do. So I couldn't really sort of spend you know, put on my socks very effectively, in my shoes, and you know, as much as they sort of say. I went to the osteopath on Thursday, and that was then very painful after that, and it was just, oh, I have to keep moving, I have to keep walking, and I'm thankful that I'm able to do that.

Walking through the pain has not been so great, but as you said, Tara, grateful to God to be still here, to be able to get out and about as much as I can do. So, you know, lots of pain killers, lots of deep heat, heat pads and all that kind of thing. They gave me. The Yeah, just not a lot, just like six tablets for a couple of days. But yeah, definitely released those muscles. Yeah, definitely helps, you know. And then everybody

necessarily wants to take medication, but I don't take medication. No, no, I but see no trains. Because I was at a point where I literally woke up one morning and I couldn't walk. Yeah, I literally was like I was like frozen. I was like a statue. I could not walk. If I had to go somewhere, I had to go like ten minutes early to get there because I was not gonna make I was walking like an old man with a cane, like I could not. Every step was

painful. I could not. So I had to get something because I'll tell you, I don't take pills. I hate pills. I mean, I see I have the complete opposite to that. I want to take whatever I can, and I say that this is the right stuff that you need to take. If I could take I wonder, you know, you know sometimes I wonder. Yeah, I take all the just the right stuff. But you know, if I can get rid of that pain as quick as possible, you know, there are some good pat killers out there, so I'm

going to to take them. Pain and tower does not go together. So so so I'm glad to see you both here today, and we're talking about an interesting We started our February being, you know, traditionally the month of love. You know, we've been talking about love, relationships and marriage, and obviously we have you both on here following up kind of as an extension of your podcast, Marriage Can Heal. That's the do you know what, it's one of the two it was. It was formerly known as Marriage Can

Heal, to Heal Heal My Marriage. So that's the podcast that Pedro and Tara do and you can catch that on an Advantage Radio London Sunday four o'clock and also all the other plats streaming platforms as well. And so last week we were talking about communication, which definitely is a big, big, big

big skill to have in our relationships. And this week because now you know, I guess there are lots of kind of traditions and lots of kind of days awareness days in the year, but next Wednesday is where the world is

celebrating love. Now, love is a theme topic that really should be celebrated all year round, but on February the fourteenth, it's traditionally known as a Valentine's Day, So that's when you know, the world and unfortunately, and I know many people don't like it for this reason, it's become a bit of a commercialized holiday day of awareness, etc. However, we're going to

talk about love today and love in general. The ideas around love. I'm also thinking about love within a marriage relationship, so there's a lot to be said. And it was interesting. I was I think I was doing some research for this. I came across and sort of the song was in my head and I don't know if anybody knows this. It's a thing I do it as Frank Sinatra has sung it his the song call Love and Marriage, and the lyrics go, love and marriage, Love and marriage go together like

a horse and carriage. This I tell your brother, you can't have one without the other. And I thought, love, am I really going to be singing this on there? Their marriage? Part of it's part of us. It's part of a famous TV shows. Yes, it is the best TV show. I'm not going to really say the name of the TV show because I'm not going to promote it. But it was a l Bundy and Peggy. Oh it was on that as well. Yes, it was that. That was the thing that was the theme to the show. That true.

Yes, that's true. Oh yes, I do remember that. But it says, you know, this is to brother you can't have It's not the best to bring up right now, but it is. I was talking about that. I wasn't talking about the show. I was talking about the lyrics. But love of marriage, it's an institute. You can't disparage. Ask lotal gentry and they will say it's elementary. Try try to separate them, it's illusion. Try try and you will only come to this conclusion.

Love and marriage, a marriage go together like a horse and carriage, which I thought was very interesting. So we'll be, you know, we'll be discussing a little bit about that because I'm curious to know whether you know, love is a really important part within that, within a marriage relationship. But yeah, yeah, But to start off as off, then let's think about love. What would our definitions be of love? Now, I know I went to the dictionary and I had a look, so I shall share that

in the second. But I'm going to throw that that out to both of you, Pedro and Tara. What's your definition of love? Definition of love? For me? Love encompasses so much love for me, And in the terms of marriage is two actually even better? Yet in terms of religion and our religion that we're taught and we believe, and I noticed for the fact that love for me is God loves us so much that he sent his only son to die for us, so willing to do whatever is needed to protect

us. So, for me, love is is me willing to do whatever I gotta do to protect the one I love, other person that I do love. It doesn't necessar necessarily always mean it's gonna be my wife, cause I love other people, m but it's a different kind of love my family, you know. So I'm gonna do whatever I have to do to protect them, even sometimes sacrificing myself. I think love for anybody and I'm not

saying that I wanna go out there and get myself hurt on purpose. But if I have, if I have protect the the brunt of whatever's happening, just to protect that family member all my wife, I'm I'm gonna. I'm gonna do it because my love for them is that strong. Cause sometimes you know, we have to protect our family and our f in, our spouse from things, and we have to sometimes just take it. You know, we may not like it and we may not agree with it. But so

for me, love is definitely that. I just think love is a universal term that you can use that commit is being committed at all times to that person. Okay, okay, all right, and your thoughts on that I was love for me. It's like kind of what Peter was talking about well with me. For marriage in the relationship is being there for your spouse,

enduring the different things that you may go through in your marriage. It really tests your love for your spouse depending on the situation that you're going through. And I think loving someone is giving y'all alle to them, giving your mind, your heart and saying, you know what I'm all in in this marriage. I love you, I love God, and i want everything to work in our marriage, and I'm willing to go through the good and the bad no matter how things may look. That's that's what I think love is.

Love is not both. Love is not proud. Love is given, giving yourself someone like Jesus kind, like Jesus did for us, He gave us, He gave us his love, he gave us his all, And it's the same thing we have to do with our spouses. We have to give out all to them and be able to know that through that love, we're going to go through hard times. Through that love, we're going to go through good times. But are we willing to to work through the through all

of that and you know what I mean. Some people say love don't love don't make a marriage last forever, but I would say it can. It can because you got two people working to make it work in their marriage. The love is just like an added bonus because because because you love that person, you're going to try. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm glad you. Kind of that's kind of en compass to some of the things I was kind of looking. So when I was looking in the dictionaryas often do for words,

and when there's there's various definitions for love. From one was an intense feeling of deep affection. And I sometimes I know when I think of love, I just think it's like a really intense version of like so intense that you almost can't even put a kind of number or the depth of that's what have you. And then kind of, you know, words that kind of linking with that would be things like fondness, tenderness, the intimacy, the attachment, the devotion, adoration, you know, those kind of words.

But also it talks about a real great interest and a pleasure in something. So I'm sure there are many men out there who love football, for instance, or if you're like me, you love your food kind of thing, so you know you're really really into something, take great pleasure, great interest in them. App obviously things like deep affection. You know, you enjoy

something, you really like something. So it's all of those things. It's all of those things really and there's so many ways that are linking with that. So but as you said, there are different I mean, there are different types of love. And when we talk about love from a spiritual perspective of love in the Bible, there are kind of four I suppose types of love that are found in the Bible eros or eros, Storge, Filia, and a garpe. Just a kind of quicker overview of what they are.

Now, you know, we know and we believe as Christians that God is love and God is the center and what have you. But then they talk about there's like Greek words for different types of love in the Bible. So eros is that's the kind of Greek word for sensual and romantic love, and that's what we believe is what's going to be reserved for marriage. The love romance, intimacy stage is a term that describes the more familiar kinds of love.

So that's family between parents, children, brother, sisters. It's a family love. Then you have failure, which is the intimate love that you will practice to one another. That's kind of the sort of brotherly love. So it's a kind of christ As Christians, you know, we treat each other as our brothers and sisters. It's that powerful friendship bond et cetera.

And then a gape is I suppose it's the highest type of love, which it really is a good term to describe describe God's immeasurable love for us. It's perfect, unconditional, sacrificial, and pure. So there's so there's there's different types of love that really encompass what love really is about when you think of it in different kinds of context, and what are you I just thought

that's something we were talking about. Then we just talking about the different have to love, and I was, you know, I think they, like I believe, love comes in stages. So like you meet somebody, you you start to feel that love towards them, like you get to know them, and as you get to know them, you feel that love towards them. Then you say, okay, do I want to spend the rest of

my life with this person? Then that's it's like so it's like steps and then so like that to me, like the intimacy will be the ending part of the love. And I think that's important because throughout marriage you go through stages where sometimes for those love not all for loves are going to be there at one time. So sometimes you may not you may not be intimate. You may like if you're sick or something's going on, you know, you may not be intimate. But that doesn't mean that they don't love you.

So now you have the other love that will will take will be stronger to take over, you know why You're still until you're able to have to be intimate with your spouse and then when it goes through. Intimacy is not always just sex. Some intimacy can be just being there sitting bags, yeah, or it's so many different things that come with intimacy, and it can be just going out to eat. You need so many ways to show love. It ain't got to always be yeah, rubbing your feet or giving them a

massage, you know, or something like that. I mean, I think if we don't display all different parts of love and always think it's just sex, then we kind of missing out on the things that we really can make a marriage strong. But going back to a bit about you were saying about love comes in stages, So before you even get to married, where does where would you say their love fits into all of those things? Because if you think about the different types of love that there are, I guess maybe

they play a different part, possibly different stages. You know, if you kind of get to know some if you meet somebody, you're getting to know them. That's that kind of friendship you're starting off. If you're part of a big group, you obviously experience that kind of collective love for your brothers and sisters. So how what sort of part of this does it play in each of those the stages? Then I think the stage is like, so when I'm at Tara, I was I wouldn't say I was interesting. I

was instantly in love, but I knew I want to marry her. So now the next step was to get to know her, get to know her likes to dislikes, get to see if we're compatible. Because sometimes you may love somebody or think you falling in love with somebody, but you're not compatible with that person if you're not in the same if you're not thinking the same. You know, you could be we just a little off in our thinking because she was Baptists, I was a ventist. But we both believe in

our ability. For me to say i'most still stick with this, then you start to which we didn't do. But then if you get counseling, you

start to learn the likes and dislikes of each other. Like I said, it's just and then you start to see if you if you feel each other like, if you understand each other, or if you're willing to grow in love, if you're willing to be with this person and say, okay, I'll accept them for the faults that they have and the good that they have, the good and the bad, And then you know, then the love

just starts to grow. And I think it's just a process that I don't know if anybody just likes if you just fall in love and you just like I love you in a week, or you just love somebody like so quickly, then you know what, then that's more like lust. It's not really love. So love it takes time. It doesn't just happen overnight. I know some people say, you know, as soon as I met them,

I was just in love with them. You may be in love with they what you thought they could offer you, but you had to get to know them to make sure that they could offer it. Because somebody can offer you something, but then what happens when they take that take that away? Do you still love them? Then? So the idea of the first sight is not really a true thing, I think, I well, I be honest, it is. It is because I was in love with Tara at first sight, but I was not in love with her. I just love what

I saw. Okay, you understand. I was in love with what I saw, but I still didn't know her, so I couldn't be in love with her. I was in love with what I with the visual of what I saw, but I had to then get to know her, you know, mentally and spiritually and yeah, of course, and again the physical cook should come after the marriage. But you know, I had to get to know her that. I had to get to know her ins and outs and

what she likes, what she does, So yeah, I did. It was you could be loving for a sight, but you still have to get to know the person to grow that love. Because if you just go and if you love it for a sight, and then you just go right into it is not going to last because then you're not going to really know the

person. You're just going by what you just saw. That's like if a woman that's like somebody, anybody with a lot of money, and they see them spending money, they I'm in love with them, and then with what if they lose that money? Now do you Now you don't love them anymore

because they don't have money. That's why they said, like, you know, you know, you know when somebody really loves you when you're down, because it's easy to love people when you're up, when you're up and you're you're up there and you got everything going right, or it's easy to love somebody. But when it's when you're down and you need help or you you know, you're in despair, or you're at your lowest point, you know,

and then that person can still love you, that's love. So that would be my That was That's why I say it's in stages and it just takes I think when when you do that, you should take it in stages. You should take it in time. Don't just don't rush into things. I think in today's world, people just rush into things and they don't take the time to learn or to understand, or to talk or to communicate, and then they just, you know, get to know each other, you

know where we're in talk. And I got married. She wanted kids right away because I already had kids, and I said, no, we need to get to know each other. We need to get to be around each other. We need to see if we're compatible, you know. Like so it was a couple of years we we got to know each other. We

got we did things. We went on trips, we went to New York, we went to Bermuda, we did things like that to you know, to just have time with each other, to grow in each other and get to know each other's you know, and that love became stronger each day.

And I think that helped us as we went along into our marriage. Yeah, because when I went bad or when I did the things I did, and I was not the man or the husband I needed to be, my wife knew she said, wait a minute, that's not the husband I know because she saw the other part of me before I went into the other. Does that make sense, Like she saw I know he could be different because he showed me different. So maybe he's just gonna throw a un patch right

now. So I need to work with him, you know, to to try to get that to God, to get that nigga really out of him and get him back to the positive man that I saw him when we first met. So it allowed him to If she just saw me negative right off the back, she po would have left me. Yeah, so sorry, I have so to be fitting off what m Petro was saying in terms of love for you then and the idea that it came in stages of me. Was it kind of was it love at first sight for you or was that

more of a much more gradual process to developed it developed over time? And how did that develop for you over time? If that was the case. Well, when I first saw Pedro, I was like, Wow, he's very attractive, So I was I was instantly attracted to him. I didn't know what the future hold. I just knew I wanted to get the more, get to know him more, and I was like, I want to

get to know him and see what he's about. And I don't know about anyone else, but for me, I was I don't know, it's women just like this, but I already was thinking of the future, like oh, we can you know, we can get married, you know, kids. But then the mother side of me, I was afraid of what it can bring because I never really have a serious relationship, you know, And it was I really ready for love. I knew love can be a good thing, you know, to fall in love and you're happy. But then

I know you can go through a period where you're not. You know, you thought you was in love and it's not every it's not what you thought it was. So I was taking my time getting to know Pedro. It's plenty of times I broke up with him because I was like, I don't know if I'm ready, because to be with a man that already know what he wants was I was afraid of it. I really, i'mna be honest. I was afraid because I was like, wow, you know what he wants. He know, he wanted to be all in. I don't know

if I want that. I don't know if I'm ready, you know. And I said, I know I can probably love him, but I was afraid of it because I was like, what if he you know, he feels his way, now what if it changes? You know, He's afraid that go back to Max, wife. Yeah, but that was before. That was later on in my marriage when I'm talking about the first beginning part of it, So the first beginning part of it, he hadn't yet told me he had been married before and had children. So I didn't know any

of that yet and not not when I first met you. But it wasn't until like later when we talked on the phone and Peter was like, you know, I asked him have you been married before? So I was asking all the important questions. Have you been married before, have you been divorced, you have children, you know, those type of questions, and he was honest with me. He said, yes, I've been married before, you know, twice before, I have children. And in my mind I

was like, whoa, you know, am I ready for that? And so, you know, as time went on and I got to know Pedro, I did love him more. I did. It's like, Wow, he's he's everything I think he is. You know. Yeah, I mean, let me not say if you got that one. But I was going to say, well, I mean, you know it's a process that you said, and I guess that you have to because I was gonna ask a question. Then. Was there a point where you kind of moved from the

like stage to the love age. And I was asking that because you know, again doing something for this and I know, I worked a magazine for many years and you'd write these quizzes, so I'd come across the quiz you know, how to tell how to know when you love someone? You know? And it was asking a series of questions and you know, you kind of pick your answers and it will come up with her. I mean, out of the three things, you're either yes, you're in love with that

person after a good start, No, you're not really into them? What have you? And it was things like, you know, you may think about them all the time, or you know, you if you've got some really good news, you want to share it with them. If you thought, actually they are the one that you want to spend all your time with, as opposed to you know, the question might have been, you know, if you could go somewhere, who would you want to go with?

Would it be that person? If you were kind of and not so sure. So again, there was all those kind of questions that made me think and obviously, if you picked correctly, yes, it's means that you're in love with that person and if you didn't pick some of the answers, No, you weren't. It's all subjective. It's all a bit tongue in cheek, really, but I guess was there a point in terms of evolving? You know, there is a point they think, actually, do you love

this person? And how did you know that? How did you? People told me he loved me. First I didn't. I was like, whoa you do? How many week? Still be talking about two weeks? I told you about my whole self? He told me. One thing I love about Pedro is that whatever he was going on in his life before me, he told me everything. And I think when he told me that, it was so much information to the fact that I was like whoa, whoa,

Okay, I couldn't even promise. I think I was still processing everything he told to me, and I was like, okay, I think I can still you know, like this this guy you know? And we talked on the phone for two weeks and he was like, I love you, and I was like what he was about two three weeks? I was like, you do? I was neki me. I think I broke up with you? Then he did. I was like, I can't deal with this because he loved me like I don't. She didn't understand the concept. It wasn't

that I was in love with you. I was. I was. I was in lovely that I wanted to make it. I wanted to see where it was going to go, right, Yeah, that was my love. The love was not that because I couldn't be completely in love with you, but I was in love with who you was and what I found out about you, and then I wanted to go further. So I was just you know, saying that I'm in love with you and I want to make this

go. I want to make this go further. I want to give you what you want, what you want, because we had talked about different things we want and don't want. So that was, you know, the whole concept of me. I think for me, when I love growth, I'm gonna just be honest here if we can be so, I think. I think for me, if we didn't become intimate so early, I think I

probably could have. I think my love grew for that point when we became more intimate with each other, which I don't think was good for me or maybe even good for Pedro, because it didn't allow us to see what our love was really going, you know what I mean, it was basing it on. We already connected, you know what I'm saying, in a in a way that we shouldn't have you know. So after we had went through that process, and then we got married, like what in seven months?

Yeah, we got married in seven months and yeah, February actually actually was actually in about three days, yeah, around Valentine's Day. Okay, okay, yeah, so we met around Valentine's Day week, so we met in February. We got married in October two thousand and five. So yeah, it didn't take long. Okay, it's interesting as you were saying about that, but you know, because I was kind of again having a look, and there's there's been lots of obviously research done around sort of you know,

how you can tell the distinctions between liking and loving. And there's a guy called Zick Rubin, and he's a psychologist, and he believed that romantic love is made up for three elements attachment, caring, and intimacy. The attachment

needs to be with the other person desiring physical contact and approval. Caring valuing the other person's happiness and needs as much as your own and then intimacy, sharing private thoughts, feelings, and desires, and from his view of romantic love, he then kind of created questionnaires that measured the variables, basically creating like a scale of liking and loving, and obviously, depending on where you

were on that scale could kind of determine where you are. So as you're talking there, you're saying, you know, actually I loved you loved Tara, but I guess it was aspects of her, and I guess maybe on those scales, whether it's on the attachment, the intimate side, or the caring side, whatever, the sort of levels were that for you, right created a love feeling, emotion, et cetera, which I think is quite interesting. There are other ways of looking at that, because I guess it

depends on whether it's passionate, infatuation, the level of friendship. Again, there's different levels, so it's interesting what you might sort of base it on. You know, how you got to that point, and I guess there's I guess something like this. There's no right or wrong for the it's just how people are very different. There's also Robert Stenberg's triangular theory of love, where you know it's again built on all those different components and again depending on

where you sit within the scales or what have you as well. Right, that's what I'm saying. It's definitely different. It's like in sections and you need to, you know, go like okay. It's almost like a checklist. You know, okay, okay, check and then check and then check and get to you know, and then you get to the point of where you know, okay, I'm there now. Yeah, you know, because

you can't just jump. You can't just jump over all the obstacles or jump over all the different like you said, the three different he had, the three different ones. It's like, do them in stages, do each one, and then just build up each one, and then then that's when it all comes together. Right, Because when our love was tested in our marriage in the beginning, you know, I think if the love I truly have you in my heart, if it wasn't there, I don't think we could

have survived. I just don't, you know. And I think when we went through those times, through through periods of hard times, it was because I loved you that I was like, you know what, I don't like the situation, but you know what, I love him to stick through. Writ you get what I'm saying, me too, I said, I said for both of us. I'm not just saying for me. I'm just saying it took both of us. It tay two people, you know what I

mean, not just one person. But I was particularly talking about me and what I think and and I think when I when I truly realized that that I love Pedro is when I was like, you know what, no matter what I know, it don't look good, and I know everything is not maybe going away. I think it should go, but you know it, it's okay because we're gonna We're gonna make it through. I was trying to see the brighter side of things, and I think love took me there.

Yeah, yeah, okay, kind of pulled that on the music here. Our songs today canna have a bit of a love theme. So this one's actually a bit of a medley by God's Chosen. It mix us a few songs that you may recognize. So let's have a listen. God's Chosen and love medley A word that you be boryly No borryly s really, but I

don't know. Oh your tears, my fairy. I'm so glad You're love will stay car line lovely and you show me Jesus, I love you, have love you Lord today because you cared for me inside space and guide paid you. I left your bede magnified your name. That is why my heart isn't with my hands and told loved shut down. Show you you on the roll, for you are coming not all because of you, my clowny day a paw, and I can say to you this song I just saw the same b long you b my my mind, my son, so you okay

the bride for me way back on capri Ye your name. That's why I'm it's been with birds love me in your U house a son the storm my friends. I love you. I know. I just fall away and I said you love me? Wait she loved you love me. I'll never know why you love me. I'm supping to try you. I'm got tell st to tell you and I wanted you. I know how I'm trying to find you. Say you show tell Jamel s give me so the boy can say

that you susy help me. I love bed Lee from God's chosen so big several songs and I'm sure you're familiar with but it started off by saying love a word that comes and goes, but a few people really know what it means to really love somebody. And today we're talking about love here on Talking Point. If you've got any thoughts on love, you've got any definitions of what love means to you, what you think about what it's about. Is

love important? Please do share your thoughts with us. You can email us on studio at Adventist Radio dot London, or you can text us on eight triple two eight write hope and then your message. We can whatsappers on seven four five nine six four two eight nine eight. So we're here on Talking Points and I'm here with Pedro w and Tara, the founders of their podcast.

Yeah, oh my goodness. It was like, come on, Agley, you know this, you know this, And we've been talking about love and we've been talking a bit, a little bit about what our definition is, what we think love means to us, and how love has played a part in their relationship and in relationships in and we were just talking before that music break there in terms of you know, love being a process. There

are different types of love. We touched a little bit about the four types of love that are mentioned in the Bible, and how that you know and also how love I guess you love is a developing thing. As much as you may see someone and you think, oh, I love that person, maybe it's a really intense feeling of li like it goes past that you know you likes what you see, or you start to get to know somebody, and then you gradually your feelings deepen, you get to know them, etcetera.

And then at some point you recognize that you are love now, as a song says, sometimes you never really know what it means to love somebody. But as this song went on to talk about, really the foundation of all of this is God is love. And Tara, when you were describing what love meant to you, you did mention a few things and really kind of brought to mind, really quoting some of the bits from one Corinthians thirteen, which is I suppose you could always say it's probably there are lots of

the Bible texts in the Bible talking about love. God is love, you know throughout, but also this is the way of love, and you know it starts to say, love is patient and kind, love does not envy your boast it's not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It's not irritable resentance. But love bears all things, believes all things, hopes, all things, enduels all things. Love never ends.

Yes. So that's first crinteen's thirteen and one to thirteen, and it ends by saying, you know, faith, hope, and love abide these three. But the greatest of all these is love. So love plays a huge part and ultimately is And as we've the song talked about at the end, you know, the greatest sacrifice and love, the greatest love that God has shown to us is sending his son Jesus to sacrifice him and he gave his

life for us. So in terms with all of with that kind of mean, I've sort of that's a really very brief snippet of love that's shared with us in the Bible and God's love. How does your spiritual life and knowing about God's love of play a part in the way love, what love means for you, and how love features in your relationship as well. I was so when you're saying all that, I thought of the other verse project it lose me at the moment don't be unequally yoke. Okay, I don't necessarily

think that means like you have to be the same religion. As I said earlier tar War's Baptists, I was a ventist. I think our spiritual proud both of us being spiritual and the fact that we both believed in God.

We believe in God first and everything, prayer, worship and everything. I think that helped us growing our love because we because we knew that Jesus had came down to die for us and God had sent his son, So we understood that sometimes sacrifice is needed, is needed and important for the love. So you would do things out of love that you on it. You know that you may not want to do so when you're in a marriage or in any in any relationship with that being being like minded. You can't be in

love with somebody that you don't think alike in some way. In some ways, you have to think alike in some way. You have to because you is you know, they say all the vinegar, but you could be all the vinegar in a sense, but you can't. You can't be totally different mindsets and be in love because it's just not gonna work, right, It's like it's like trying to put a wheen they say a peg, a square

peg in a in a round hole. It's just not gonna fit, you know, it's just gonna keep you just gonna keep knocking your head against the wall, you know. So spiritually for us was that even though we still had to work through that part of our relationship, the fact we still love the Lord, it really helped us to build. And I actually, believe it or not, I wasn't really in the church when I met Tar.

I grew up in the church. I kind of left and taras actually my main reason why I came back into the church because she showed me that I you know that I maybe maybe because my past, maybe because of my situations. I was kind of mad at God, you know, because we do. We get mad at God sometimes, you know, we get mad, we get upset, you know, we fall out of love sometimes with God, you know, and we try to do our own thing, you know,

we we you know, we get off that beating path. And when I met Tar, she kind of reeled me back in, even though I

was going to church on Sunday. It was weird. It kind of made me remember what I what I grew up remembering and said, Okay, you know, I need to get back to what I was brought up, you know what I was taught, you know, and her love for God brought me back to love the Lord and brought me back into into being more religious and more being ahead of the household and just being more you know, in

in in tune with God and stuff. Because, like I said, because even though it was just the fact, the spiritual part of me was definitely lacking at that moment when we first met, I can definitely say that for a fact, and being spiritual with your spouse really does help. And I remember, I remember when we I remember when we went to his name is eluding at the moment. Oh, doctor Alonzo Smith, and he was doing a cinema, a cinema and cinema. He was doing a program in Bermuda,

and we went to talk to him in the first day. Well either way, the first thing he said when we sat down was he said, pick a religion. He said, I don't care if it's Baptist, I don't care if it's a Ventist, but you both need to be on the same page. And that's when Todd said that she wants to be a ventist. I tell that story at the time, but it just because he said

that's where you could base your whole marriage going forward. If you both like minded, if you're both in the same if you're both thinking the same, then you wouldn't have no issues going forward with the rest of your marriage. Because it's like if you're Baptist and your and then you're like, should be

baptizing and should be not baptized? Our children should we you know, if they won't be baptized, you know, And so he was giving us all the different scenarios and stuff, and we was like, wow, okay, that makes sense. So spiritual, I think the spiritual aspect of a marriage or relationship just going forward in terms of building that love is probably one of the first things that needs to be addressed and figured it out before you even

go forward more into loving somebody or being married to somebody. I totally agree, because it will separate you to if one person is thinking one way and the other one is another way and you're not coming together. It can cause a separation in a way because because you're just not going to be in you know, because you believe strongly in what you believe, and he was strongly what he believed. How you guys are going to come together, especially if

you start having children. You don't want to confuse your household and then have your chouds to a daddy believe this or mama believed this, and then children like what should we believe? You know, it is just like being with an unbeliever, you know, should we believe in God? Mama believe in God? Or Daddy I don't believe in God. So it's import important to make sure you guys decide on what would be best for you and for me. I prayed about it, even though I have been Baptists all my life.

I said, well, he do believe in God. I believe in God. But as I learned more about the events and it, but the seventh Day that really make it really open up my eyes more and it was like wow, like I didn't you know, I didn't know this. You know, as I and as Petern't never pushed me or pressured me to become inventorsts. He accepted me for who I was. He went to church with me and he you know, I sang at church and he was there.

And when he went to church on Saturday. I went, so I was open into learning his his what he believed in in the sense of the Sabbath, because you know, some people need the Sabbath is Sunday. So I wasn't close to it. So as I as I learned it, as God started opening my eyes more, you know, I was like, Wow, you know, I'm glad. I you know know what I know. That's why when I made my decision two when pastor and Pastor asked us when we

were because he was a family he do family and a life series. So when he talked to us and counsel us, I was I was happy. I was like, yes, I want to be because I knew how important it was. I didn't want that to be a separation and I in our marriage that kept us apart. Yeah, and I guess you know for what you're saying then sort of the spiritual and I your love for God. I mean we say, you know this isn't John first John four, verse sixteen where it says you know God is it said that God is love? So

God is love? And I wait to sort of show that is the foundation really for everything that you will then do go moving forward, and how you may express your love for each other, for your family, the unit that you were creating and pedro you talked about, then you're I suppose between the two of you your roles within that as well, and I guess from the spiritual side, Gods and She's have there are many examples of what he did which will kind of shape how you will be in your household, being the

leader, being the provider, et cetera. To showing the care the love you know for each other and for your family. If that wasn't there, do you think your your love for it each other would be very different? And yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it would definitely be

different. I'm sorry I was listening to but then I was also thinking, but yeah it would because along with the along with me loving my wife as God learning it through God, learning how God loved us and then taught me how to love my wife, it also like I may be the head of household, but my wife is like my right hand man, like she's my helper she and I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean that she helps me make decisions that because not every decision I make is going to

be the right decision. So I've come to realize, and I realized from her early in our marriage that you know, to depend on my wife and in the wisdom or experience that she may have. And then sometimes I would veto, I would veto something she says, be like, no, no, I'm telling you from experience, this is not going to work. Let's do it this way, you know. So it's just learning that that and

telling her how to love. Look, I love you, but I just don't think this is a good idea, you know, and then her accepting, Okay, he really does love me. He's thinking of the best for me, because you know it, sometimes you may have to make the decision as the husband and the wife doesn't agree at all. She thinks she knows better. But you're like, look, then you have to, and then you then you use that I'm the head of the household, so it's my

decision to make. And she's like, you know, she wants to smack me. She's like, I can't believe you said that. But I'm not trying to like I'm not trying to like use my authority or say I'm better than you. I'm just saying, you know, you have to trust me, you know, because as I said earlier in the beginning. You know, sometimes my love for my family, I have to be willing to take take the responsibility of what may go wrong or may go right, and I

put it all on my shoulders. I don't want it to be on your shoulders. I don't want you to be burden with that, you know, with that decision or if it works or not. So it's my place to take the burden and take all that pressure from you and the family. Put it all on my shoulders. I can handle it. And that's my love that I have for you. So I think that's like you said, that's one way it does. Another way of showing lover is by being willing to just take it, you know, to do what you gotta do and be

responsible for whatever happens. I think for me, learn the wife, learning my position, respecting my husbands as my husband, leading, you know what I mean, knowing you know, not trying to take over you know what I mean, and be like I know everything, you know nothing. So I definitely had to And I think I saw that because I saw that in my mom and my father, seeing how my father just he just did everything he had to do, you know, and my mother. He made a

decision, and that's what happened. Now, if they agreed on some things, they didn't agree on some things. We didn't see it, you know what I mean. They talked about it, but I always saw my daddy leading. I always saw my father, you know, doing what he had to do. And that's why I always respected Pedro being in that role of being my husband and making decisions. Even though I may not always liked it, I knew if he did something, it's because he was in the best

interest of our family. So it's just I think respecting your husband's role and knowing your position is important, you know what I mean, because you loved enough to let them lead. But I also have to respect you too. Yeah, so it goes both ways. Yeah, And I guess you know the kind of when we think about God's love for us, his grace and his mercy, I guess you know. Relationships are not easy. Marriage is not always easy. Some of those aspects need to come into that about it.

God gives that. God gives us that. He says, this is what you should do. Yes, So it's the same thing as a husband, this is what we should do. You do this, I will be responsible for what happens. Yeah, he tells us like, you know, I will lead you down the path of righteousness. I will, you know, protect you from the evil I would do, you know. So he does that for us. He says, you know, I'm going to if you follow what I'm telling you, this is what this is what will happen

if you But it's still your choice. If you choose not to do it, you want to go your own way, then this is what's going to happen. So he gives us like the blueprint in the Bible, he gives us the guide. And you know, as as sin for people, we sometimes go off that guy and then we find out I should have listened to God. It's the same concept in a marriage. And I know some women don't like to hear that. And it's not about me being chauvinistic, using

like using my being masculine. It's not about that. It's about that, you know. It's a it's a way God has has made a plan for us, and you know and there that we need to follow that plan some when we go if in my marriage, in our marriage, if I say let's go do this and then my wife goes behind my back, and does it her way and it totally messes up everything. Now I gotta go behind it and fix it. And I'll go behind it and fix it. But I won't hold it again. I'll just be like, look, let's and

learn. Please next time, don't do that. You know, that's how God does us. He said, we do that. He said, here's the plan. We go do it our own way. Messes up, he still helps us, he still forgives us, he helps, He helps us to get through what we need to get through. He said, Okay, well you messed up the first time. Let's try the second time. Let's

try the third time. You know, is a learning process each day, each each year, each whatever throughout the marriage, where you just learned that you know, to be there for each other and to listen more than anything else where. We talked about last week, communicating and just you know, understanding where the person is at and understanding why. And I won't I won't make a decision. I won't be just. I won't say just like,

we're just doing it because I want to do it that way. I would explain this is why I want to do it this way, because I feel this is what will happened. God does that with us. He says, if you do it this way, this is what will happened. So he's given as the blueprint, and that's and so we're tall. I would explain myself, I think we should do it this way because X, Y Z, you know, and then go from there. I won't just be like, oh, just do it because I said so, because that's not gonna

work either. She's gonna be like no, no, no, wait, wait, wait wait why Because you know, women definitely want to know why a lot of times, or they want to like, if something happens, they want to know why did it happen? You know, like, why did this happen? What was the reason? What was your thinking? I wasn't thinking anything, but what was you thinking? You know, it's just a normal it's a normal process, you know. Yeah, you're laughing because

you know it's true. You always want to know. I don't know what it is about women. They always want to know why. And I'm like, because it just happened that way, But no, you gotta we gotta figure out who's the blame and who's the reason why it happened that way. Sometimes it just happens that way. Well, sometimes we have to seek these things out, we have to understand, we have to explore. So yeah,

I'm with all those question. You don't know why I won't call it for what it is, and I may get some slack, but there you're pokey. You just gotta know. Being is showing a way of loving your speuse, especially for both sides, for both sides. But I think, you know, for me being submissive to you and just allowing you to do certain things without feeling like I have to. You know, this is my way or no way, you know, type of thing. So I tried.

I really, I don't think I've ever been that way though. It's my way of the highway type of thing. Yeah you have h Yeah, you know, I'm not gonna lie about that. But then I guess that's all part of the getting to know, because I was going to be nice into my next question. You know, there are so many different ways to show love to each other and to people. But what kind of are some of the ways that you can show that you do love someone that you deeply

care about? I mean, what kind of things will you have to kind of consider? You've mentioned a few things already, but because I thought about this question I had. I was gonna say, sometimes just let things happen, you know what I mean, Let things happen and see what's going and see what happens, you know what I mean. That's what I for me. I so like we have Valentine's Day coming up. I don't believe in

Valentine's Day. I wasn't looking for no, no, no, no, I don't believe in like I think Valentine's Day not It's not that Valentine's They could be every day, But like you said earlier, it's no commercialized. I just don't believe in even you know, if showing my showing my love for my wife doesn't I don't even go buy a big box of chocolate and a bouquet of flowers and and a Teddy Bear to show my love for my

wife. Me getting up every morning, going to work, providing, making sure if she says, hey, can you pick this up from the store, me getting it from the store, me making sure it's everything, making sure there's food in the house, making sure there's heat in the house, making sure there's light in the house. I know that sounds weird, and I know people are gonna be like, but you know, that's that's stuff that you're supposed to provide. Yes, it's you're supposed to provide, but

I still have to want to do it. I don't have to provide if I don't want to. So there's love involved in that. I don't have to you know, if I don't want to provide it, I don't have to really provide it, you know, so that that love is just the little thing, just don't I've never been a what's the word. I've never been an affectionate person. I've never been an affectionate person. I will tell you this. But the way, because my the way I showed affection was

different. I showed my my affection by just making sure that she had everything she needed. That was my way of showing affection. That was my love language. My love language was not that of I spoke it. Okay, we're going to we're gonna come to that in a second. Yeah, so yeah, I'm kind of jumping ahead. I'm sorry, that's okay. I just of the ways that you can show love for each other, which again that's going to be subjective, unique to every person, every couple, every

relationship. I kind of went off the thing that I said about that, Yeah, you know for me because I am, well, I'm that's kind of going to heat into the love language. But for me, I just can go sit by Pedro or just fixing something to eat because I like to fix some stuff to eat, you know. I like to just do stuff for him. You know, they're just me and showing just just it's just

it ain't about the big thing. It ain't about me going to buy him something and be like, oh I love you, because that's just not me. I just like to just sit here and talk to him and just look at him in his face and just be like, hey Pedro, And I don't like that's why you're face alone. Yeah, my space is get out my space. When I say that too, especially when I get home, I'm not trying to talk to nobody. When I get home after driving around,

I'm like, get out my face. My girls are like that too, They want to come huggle me, and I'm like, and then I realized they got a little bit more time left side. But it'll enjoy this because when they get old, they're gonna be like hey dad and walk right buy me. So exactly exactly, I kind of sucked that one up, but I guess it's no sick to me. You know, that kind of willingness. And we've talked a little bit about this as well. We talked

I think they mentioned this when we were communication last week. You know, be willing to be vulnerable with each other. You know that can sort of show you know, the caring respects, what have you. If there are challenges, be willing to forgive that. I know that can sometimes be a really difficult one. But if you do love somebody, you've got to be able to sometimes step back, be the humble one, be the one to say sorry, be the one to kind of says or even ask us to

ask for forgiveness. You know, you just said, ANGELI I thought or something too. You know. Sometimes and love sometimes you have to. And God does this for us too, because we always talk about God. Sometimes you have to step back and let them just do it and learn. Yes, yeah, yeah, Sometimes I don't even argue with my wife. My wife wants to do this. I'm like, ain't gonna work, and she's so adamant. I said, okay, and I just stepped back and I

just wait to see what happens. And then if it works out, okay, it worked out. But if it don't work out, okay, let's fix it. So sometimes you have to love us also knowing when to to just okay, like you said, step back and just let everything is run its course, because you know it. There's not always about, you know, trying to be right. I'm not always trying to be right to my wife. Yeah, what's actually what you said that? And something you said

about the beginning? And I guess in a scenario like that is having each you better to say this was it something else I was listening to. When you have each other's back and you know you can rely on each other, so you maybe to step back and things may go horribly wrong. But if you're going to love somebody, hopefully you're not going to be like ha ha

I told you. So you're going to be there to say, you know, well, and you may do everybody's human what have you, but you will be there to help them pick up the pieces if you need to, or to come up with another solution and what have you. And you know, the other person may be like, you know what, you were right and I can kind of recognize that now, but that again, that's your the level of your commitments, love, et cetera. For each other.

You know so right and always thinkings when you're going through there and you may be right or wrong. It's I think for me, if PE don't like I told you so, it'll make me feel some way. You know what I'm saying. I say, don't don't don't kill it. You know, make sure you have your spouse. Always feel like you're there no matter what. Don't make them feel bad or feel stupid in some way. Always just be like, you know what didn't work out. But just to throw it

in their face. That's not showing love. Yes, yeah, that's showing that you didn't know what you was doing. You're not in control or anything. If you just did it my way, it would happen because I have done this. So you're saying that you feel so if you say you come to me and I'm like, that's not gonna work, but we could do it. Is that throwing it in your face as I tell you I told you so. When it doesn't work, I mean it doesn't work. You're

just saying, you know what didn't work. Let's just try to say, but I don't think this is gonna work. But you do it. But I'm saying, if it don't work, and you do it in a way of you're making a person feel bad or making them feel low, that's not

that's not showing love. You know what I'm saying. You pretty much just thrown it in a base and that can cause issues in a marriage because now, especially because I know I hold onto stuff, So if you was to do that, I'd be like, you remember the time you did that. You made me feel like nothing, But you say you love me, you know what I'm saying. So no matter, God don't have let us feel like that. You know, God, no matter how much stupid mistakes we

make, he don't come to and make us feel like we nothing. He said, you know what, It's okay, you know, we get back up again, you know what I'm saying. And I think that's the same thing we have to display in our marriages and our relationship and compassion whether it looked good so you or not. And that can be that seems to be sometimes very very tricky because nobody wants to I don't know. Sometimes it could be I don't know if this is a power thing or just the kind of

confidence thing I don't necessarily what that is. But sometimes you see that relationships and it's like, you know, one person somehow wants to prove that they're better than the other. They know all the knowledge, they know everything, et cetera, and there is a sort of power of balance. You just say, well, you what that kind of mutual kind of respect for each other. It's a sharing, caring, learning experience. And as she said, God would never do that. God doesn't do that for us. To

us, He's never going to do that. And if we're following him, that's surely that's going completely the wrong way, completely, you know, of what he would want us to do. So yeah, so that's that's yeah, And it's a tricky one because you know, it is sometimes I don't think about that in relationships. Some people just like to stay in control, and you know, and I think it's no control in marriage. I think

it needs to be balanced. I think we only need to know our position and respect each other's position, and that way you can grow and your love to grow, and nobody can feel less than the next one. Yeah, And do you think that in terms of relation a marriage, relationships, your love should be unconditional? Oh, definitely, without unconditional love, especially the

bad times you done. Yeah. Yeah, because you have to be unconditional because you have to love them no matter what whatever happens, you have you you some people will love you right and as long as long as the conditions are to what they want. But when the conditions are not what you want, then then it becomes unconditional love. So yeah, love is unconditional. Yeah. I think some people love you, but they have a line. They be like, you know what, you don't reach my point, I

can't do it, just no more. But if you have addition too much weight, Yeah, I'm gonna leave you if you if I just tell you the time, if you go like to one twenty, I'm leaving you. She'd be like, I want to get down. I want to lose weight. And I'm like, what, just don't go too low? Like I don't mind, but you knoway, you know, stay at a certain level. You know, but I'm lying that, you know. I think I think we love. We got to be able to see the changes in each

other, because you're not going to be accept the change. You're not You're not going to be the same you was when you first met. You're going to change, You're gonna have kids. If you have kids, you're gonna look different, You're gonna get old, you're gonna get great. Here, all of these things are going to happen. Is your love still going to be unconditional? Or is it there? You to reach yourline? Because I don't like how things are going, you know, and people want to be

done and out of the marriage. Okay, good point to pause it there for music, And I'm going to come back to this because I want to know sort of Okay, how can you do that? Then? So I'm going to go with chat called love theory by Kurt Franklin, because I guess there may be some theories as to how we can do that segued into that one. So let's take a listen and we'll come back after this to find out how we can kind of how I love and how we can maintain our

love through our relationships to that marriage. Brothers and sisters. I want to welcome you back to life, back to the one. They can make your next chapter your best chapter. How can it be that you love the most? I love all? O? How can you see your life wasting? Legging? Funny? Two big great in some face with you, a wiry everything. He can pull my away. Come on, he said, that's as it's my funny. That's why so many of you. I don't wanna

love nobody of you. I don't wanna love nobody, love nobody you. Let's go. Are you one the massic price of Julie. You cover me. I appreciate it a mission. It's amazing, taltatious with big. I feel that you don't give me, help me healthy, say thank you, thank you, everything's forget my good. Let me tell you what it does, he says, and you will hallelujah. That's not fuss. Not feel super hum enough like this and the promise you that's what nove you. I

don't want to know you. Yes, I don't want to know about it. Nobody you a stone over you, that's right. I don't want no body, no body, And the church saying, come on, Jesus loving you. It sounds crazy, don't it. Hey? Let me tell you what it means. That's why I want to love. No. I don't want to love no. I don't want to love nobody nobody, But I really mean at this time Jesus, no, no, let me tell you when it goes. Come on people, let you down like see, I

will never know I love like forever on the day. Let me again. So cood, what the rest of my life? Thank you everybody? You love no body. Thank you. You're the savior nobody, Thank you. I don't want to love nobody. I don't want to love nobody, love nobody but you. That's right. Want I love nobody, love nobody, but you so kept Franklin love theory. So Ye're here on Talking Point and Advantage Radio London and we're talking about love and love and relationships and love and

marriage. I'm here with Pedro, my co host and his wife Tara from their podcast Hear My Marriage, and we're talking about love and different aspects of love and how love can play a part within our relationships. And we've you know, we've talked about the different types of love. God being the center and God is love and God in the center and that being the Baines foundation. But how can we now relationships? And I'm saying that for my own

personal experience. I'm not married and not being married, but I know it can be challenged, it can be challenging just kind of and I say relational connections with people sometimes coming in challengecause you're alway gonna say eye to eye, but how do you But as we're talking about love and love within our relationships and that marriage is how can we how do we cultivate that love? How

do we maintain that? How do we keep that going? How does that sort of play in our sort of day to day, day to day lives. I guess I would say to keep the love going, it's to do do little small things together, you know, go like have date night with each other. That's showing another way of love because you want to you spend your time with that person. You're giving them that time. You you're giving time to connect with one another and you're putting away everything else. Work,

children, orever is taking you away from your spouse. You you you, That's how your love grow because you spending time with one another, you know, and when you don't spend time with your spouse, it they feel neglected. Nobody want to feel neglected, and I want nobody want to feel you're putting everything before them. And then that's that's including your children. Even though

your children is a blessing from God. And I think it's important to know that our children have their time, and then mommy and daddy have their time, you know. You know, I think it's important that spouses spend time together because if you start getting disconnected, you can get it from somewhere else, you know, and then that's you got another issue. So I think

spending time together is important. Date night talking to each other, complimenting each other, Oh you look nice today, or you look beautiful, or thank you for this, and you know, I would like I like computers that thank you for cooking dinner tonight. You know, I appreciate that. That made me feel appreciated. It made me feel like I'm doing something and to make him happy, you know, and so I'm really you know, I think it's important for us to show that, to show that in love in

those small things, because they're showing that you care. Yeah, so what you just said, I was gonna just when we first got married, we had the kids. She didn't trust nobody with the kids, so date night was not an option. So what we did was once the kids went to bed, then we wouldn't go straight to bed. We would actually sit in the living room and talk for like an hour and just talk about what the

day, talk about whatever you need to talk about, just talk. Even if we just laughed and joked around and just talk, we just and that allowed us to connect with each other every evening before we went to bed. And then I'm a night out, so sometimes she'll go to bed before me, but before that, we'd still would have that, just have that hour or two where we just sit talking, and it just made a difference in our relationship because it just kept us connected to each other. As she said,

you know, you got to support each other. Like Ta wants to do a couple of things, and I'll just buy if she's like, I want to make something, and I'll go on Amazon and I'll look up whatever she was talking about, and next thing she would just it would just show up at the house and she's like, oh okay, well she could see the Amazon account too, so she surely knew I got it. She's like, I didn't tell you I wanted it. I'm like, well, you said you wanted to do it, so try it. Like support and everything

she want. Like like I always say, I always say, Tatar, you know, you don't know unless you don't try. I'm a firm believer of that. So if you want to try something. Try it. You're gonna you're either gonna fail or you're not gonna fail. But try it. If you don't, if you don't do it, how do you know if you're gonna like it, orf you're gonna fail or not fail. So try

it. So I think that's one way that you can build up your your marriages by just always being there or supportive of your of your of your spouse, making sure that everything you do, you know, like she said, show that appreciation. Thank you for taking care of the kids. I know that sounds silly, but I do say that to her, like I think

the other night I actually said it to her. I was like, you know, I just want to just thank you for you know, watching the kids and making sure they being in the house, making sure the house is clean when I come home, you know, just making sure I have foo when I come home, you know, just call you know, just because Actually I did do that. Because see even in our marriage, she had went a couple of weeks but she wasn't calling me. She used she would

call me and say, hey, you know, are you hungry? You know, and I was getting home and she was letting kids eat all the food and I was like, yo, what's up, Like how you gonna have the kids? Like do you want to? I think you just buying something outside them? Like, well, you didn't call me. She's like, well, you know, I haven't been calling. So even and even in marriages, sometimes the communication breaks down and you have to then be like, hey, we used to do this this way. Can we continue to

do it this way? Oh? I'm sorry, because you don't subconsciously, you get busy at doing stuff, you don't realize that you don't communicate the same way every time. So you have to make sure you keep that going. And then like a couple of days, I said, I really do appreciate what you do for me and the kids, and you know, so

it's just just a simple things. It's just saying thank you, just saying I appreciate you, just saying you know, I love what I love what you're done with the place, I love what you're done with the corner, I love what you're done with the you know, whatever, with whatever it is. You know, it's just always big, big in each other, just being there for each other, just helping each other. When you do that, What does that mean to what does that mean to? Each What

does that mean to you? What does that mean to each other? Kind of thing? But you know, how does that make you feel? What's that? What does that mean to you? And Petro the same thing? How does that? Why is that important to do that? How it feels? It made me feel like, Wow, he really appreciated, he really sees, he really actually see what I'm doing. You know, he's just not walking in the house and just being abeariful to stop saying the rest of

the word for he's not. Yeah, he's not. He's noticing what I'm doing right, and that that means something to me because I know you see, you see what you see them that I'm making sure the house is being clean. You're not thinking of me of some type of slave where you better have it done, you better have my food ready. You know this type of thing. You know, he don't demand those things from me, and

I because I love him, I want to do it. You know, I want to make sure my house is clean, I want to make sure my husband eat, I want to make sure my children is seen about. And that makes me feel good. You know what I productive, you know, and even better, yet doesn't make it feel better. So sometimes I'm home and she's tired to to deal with the kids. She's had to go to an event for the children to do something, and I see she's tired. I go and make my own food. We actually argue it is We

actually argue if I could for me making my own food. I'm like, ta, I have two hands and two feet. I can go in the kitchen and make my own plate. Now I'm making for you, Tar sit and be still. I can go and make my own plate like she. We actually argue. The kids will sitting there laughing that it's like, mom, just let me make his own plate. Walk with you, like she gets upset because she wants to show. She wants to show you know that. And I'm like, I already know you love me. I know that

I got it. But I can do it. I can do it sometimes and sometimes if i'm if i'm making, if I cook, which is rare but nothing much as I do, I'll make the plates and I and I bring a plate to her. So it's just, you know, showing that appreciation. Just little things. People think it's gotta be big things and money and and your fame, and it's not. It's just the little things. Just little bits and pieces head just I thank you, I love you. You know, call how you're doing today? How is your day? You

know when you get home, how you day? How is your evening with each other at the end of the night, you know, how was your day? You know there's anything that you know interesting happened? Was anything that I may have done? You know, we ask each other, you know, it's anything that I may have done that irritated you. You know she already knows so she did, but she likes to ask me. I mean, she irritated me that day. She irritated me that day. She wants

to know, you know, how how much did it irritate me? And even sometimes then, you know, sometimes we ask each other like how much did I really irritate you? Like were you really upset or were you not upset? Because I think sometimes you know, you say something and you think the person is irritated, but that not, and so you have to kind of gauge, you know, like that really irritate you by saying that, like that I really upset? Like did you really have to get so upset

that I said it that way? You know? And then I say, no, not really, but you could have said it this way, Okay, next time, I'll try to do it that way. So it's all about communication, and that's just the love that we have for each other. Like where we just tried to and tru me. We're still working. We still every day. Yeah, we still work in progress. We're not perfect at all. We still have our disagreement, you know, we we I think before we started, we got into a little tiff because the light was

too bright and I said, Tar, turned down the light. It's too dark, And I'm like, ah, isn't it like can we both like have a decision in this making Like can I? Can I also make a decision in this Can we turn down the light? You know? So it's just about and she's like, all right, fine, we could turn down the light and she's like, you know, it's actually a little better. So it's just compromising. And that's the love that you know that you showed.

You just listening and as you was saying about that there's maybe coming, I was one my next sort of thought. And again this is probably you know, getting the subjective. I'm sure there's lots of views around it, but there's a concept of the love languages and it was kind of first published

in a book by author and pastor Gary Chapman. The book called The Five Love Languages, and he basically he sort of wrote this after kind of noticing that there were patterns within couples that he was counseling, and sometimes it was really kind of some of the challenges that were coming up because couples was misunderstanding

each other's needs and then recognizing that there are different ways. And of course we know there are different ways that you can express and show your love, but he was noticing kind of five key main categories, so words of performation, quality, time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

And it's just a kind of way, you know, And it's sort of saying that actually, when you start to know you're partners love language, you can kind of let them know, let them know meeting that sort of way, let them know in that way that then shows them how much you do appreciate your care and love for them, and in turn that the partner would feel love appreciated and what have you. So what's your thoughts on this kind of concept of love languages. Do you think that is a thing?

Do you recognize your is that something you've looked at. He's put together like you. It's got the book you put together like a quiz that you can kind of do or questionnaire to find out which those love languages are. So yeah, what's your thoughts on love languages? My My love languages are expe and physical touch. I like to you know, hug, I like to kids. I'd like to do those things, you know. That's what I

like. And I like when PG just randomly buy me stuff, even though if I may have looked at it and you just come with it all the surprise. I like it. You know, That's what I like, you know, and it makes me happy. It makes me realize that he noticed,

he know, he know my needs. He tried to get what I need and he always get it right, you know what I'm saying, And not just I don't know what else to say about it about that, but with the affectionate part, Pedro has got a better which because I am on an affectionate person because my parents always hug me and kids be and gave me a hug and I always just always used to that and when I Pedro now does that, so I really that really makes me happy too, because now

He'll just come and give me a hug and I'll be like, oh, you gave me a hug, you know type of thing, and it just makes me smile inside, you know. So that's definitely my two love language is that I love Yeah, what about South Petri for me? When I do that, I ask you like, A uh, It's just I was a board up that way, So I had to work. I had to work that and learned that my love language would be more, like you said,

probably the touch. Like if I just sit, like Tala has a habit of like sit down and she'd like give me a feet and she would just start rubbing him, you know. And that's that's my love you know, that's my love language, physical touch. I think when anything just for me, my for me. Tala's my love language is that Tala's always thinking about me. Are you okay? How is your day? Can I make you something to eat? Can? I? Like? She's always trying to like wait on me and I in a way, I don't like that,

but I know that's her learning language. She wants to just make sure that I'm taken care of because she's like, well, I'm taking care of her in a way, by going to work. So when he gets home, no matter how tight I am, I'm still gonna check on him and make sure he's okay. And it does make me feel It just makes me feel good that she's always thinking about me. You help me, you help me. I don't like the worst serve, but I mean I understand the word

serve. No, no, I get the worst serve. I'm just saying I get the worst serve. I just I just think that we I like to think of it as with just we're serving each other in different ways, but we're also helping each other in different ways. I just like that word. I like, you can't you say serve. People get all offended, like, oh you're not why you you're not his servant And you don't mean like a servant. It just means you just want to make sure that I

have everything I need. So like and like if she likes certain things from a certain store, I will go get it from the store, like banana from a certain place, and she likes apples from another. I go to both places. I won't just say look here's the apple, says bananas, I got it one, you know, eat? But my my my love language more than that. That's pretty much it. It don't take much for me. It don't take much for me because I really am a very simple

and perpose plain person. You know. I'm just a meet up potatoes and to say, meet a potatoes kind of guy. So just that alone, it makes me feel bad sometimes because I don't know her feet as much, and she said they develop over time, so you know, you know. I always like to ask peg he's doing, because I think it's important to know what we our spouses are, what they mental, you know. So I'm always like, are you sure you're okay? Like what's on your mind?

Sometimes I like to sit there and just look at him and be like, what's on your mind? Like what's going on in there? You know? And he like nothing, leave me alone. I was like, I really want to know, you know, like what's going on with you? Like have something you know bothered you this week that that really you know, tested your faith or something like what's up? You know? And because not all the time we share everything with our spouses, sometimes we keep thinking to

the best, No, I don't think it's that either. I think sometimes no, no, I'm saying, sometimes I may keep something from you because I just kind of goes out of my brain, like I just it happened, and I'm like okay, and I kind of just dismiss it, and then you may bring and then I'm like, oh wait, did this happen?

Did this happen? I think sometimes we because I don't want you I don't want to sound like we just any any I don't feel bad if you don't remember everything, because sometimes you just honestly forget or you just dismiss it and then it's not just brought up. Then you're like, oh man, by the way, do you know this this did happen? Right? You know? You know because you like you ask me something, I'm like, happened a couple of days, and I'm like, Peter, it just happened

yesterday. So you know, like you forget when it even happened. You know, is sometimes you just going through life, and every even in the marriage, you're just going through life because you're still the individual. So you just you know, you just kind of push it to the side, you kind of forget about it, and then it's brought up and you're like, oh man, that's right, and you know, then you talk about it. But I guess the key thing that you're saying that you know, it's

about getting to know each other. And I guess with a love of the idea of like languages is the idea that you get to know the thing that you can do to express your love that I'm going to have a really meaningful

impact on the other pies. Right, So you learn the tone, you learn their their demeanors, you learn their facial expressions, you learn how they when I walk in the house, if I walk in a certain way, she knows if I'm tired, or she knows is if I'm okay, Like she can tell by just looking at me, but just talking to me. Looking at me, she can you know, she can say, Okay, he's tired, I'm gonna leave him. Like if I walk and I'm really tired, she'll say, okay, I'll leave him. I'll give him fifteen

minutes before I bother him. Unless it's really important. Then she'd be like, look, I know you're tired, but I need to ask you this or I need to talk to you about this. But like most times, she'd be like, okay, I give hi a few minutes get himself together. You know, I like, I'm not come in. I don't eat right away. I need time to decompress. I need my body to kind

of adjust to being home, and then I can eat. Because if I start eating as soon as I walk in the door, I guess maybe because I'm driving, I just if I feel up, I feel full faster, if that makes sense them, Angela, can you eat like if you're driving a lot and then you stop. Can you eat right away? Sometimes? I guess it depends on how hungry I am, But sometimes it depends eat right away? Yeah, if I'm not. Sometimes I want to eat now.

Yeah. Right. It takes a minute to kind of right. And so she recognizes that, so she's like, okay, she She'll say, when you're ready, let me know, and I make your plate. You know, like that. She won't, she won't, just you know, so I heat up your food. Just tell me, you know how long, you know, tell me when, and I heat up your food. So it's just learning. I think the different signs of love and the different types of love is just learning each love for what they are and then applying

them to your spouse. And I think that's probably the premise of Chapman's idea as well. It really promotes selflessness. Is the idea that you're focusing on somebody else's needs other than your own, and you've taken the time to learn, to understand, to recognize, to know, and it's a growing thing. It's not something that necessarily happens the night, but it's basically how you know you're going to explore what is going to be the most meaningful for them.

I think it also probably helps create empathy for the other person as well. You know, you're not going to do something that's you don't ultimately want to do something that's going to bring them harm, but there are always better ways to do things which might make it more of a difference in a different

situation. You know, you get to understand their moods, what's happening for them, and as you're tell you know, you wanted to find out what's happening with with Pedro, you know, how's your weep and has it? You know, sometimes it's very easy to make assumptions of what might have been going on. You know, once you start making assumptions, then you start to second guess. You then don't bother to ask the questions because you feel you know what's going on and I guess we'll see you know, it's all

part. I was just I'm sorry, what was just saying. Last point on this part is when I show love to my wife, she shows loves back to me. So it's recubtlicle. Yes. So is by showing those different types of love she sees, like she said, it makes it happy if I come give a hug. So I make that effort to come give a hug. Oh he really loves me. Let me go make him a plate, Let me go web his feet, let me go do this for

him, let me go check on him. It's it's it's both. If both people are showing the love to the different types of love to each other, the other person has no choice but to show the love back. Chose no, no, because and that no not even if they choose I think sometimes, and I believe this for a fact. I think it was a while ago. I remember a guy said if if he came, if I came home, and I came home, and I'm like right right, and I'm just you know, like loud and bousterous and mean, my wife is

going to be she's gonna withdraw, She's not going to do nothing. She's going to kind of hide. But if I come in and I'm like, hey, hey, sweetie, how is your day? Do you need me to do anything? Do you mean to help you cook? Do you mean to help you do the dishes? Do you need do you need this? Subconsciously, she's going to say, oh my goodness, he's he's he's he sees me, he knows I'm here, he loves me, And subconsciously you

will start loving, You will start doing things back for that spouse. Subconsciously, it automatically happens. It's not always what you choose. Sometimes you can by showing love, you can get the love back, and they're not choosing to love you. They just automatically love you because there because you show them the love. So I'm showing you're showing your spouse love. Your spouse will

show you that love. But it's even like if you meet somebody that don't like your work, and then you're nothing but polite and you say hey, good morning, they don't speak to you. I've done this, I've been at work and I've said he I've said good morning, how are you to that person? For like a month, all of a sudden, not that person doesn't even realize they're doing it, but they saying hello back. So you treated people how you want to be treated, and it's the same concept

somebody way you want to be treated. They were subconsciously start to do things not realizing that they're doing it. And it goes with your spouse if you if you love your spouse the way you suppose God wants you to love your spouse, and the way you're supposed to love your spouse, your spouse showing you that love back, not by choice, bye bye love, by love.

Yeah, because you're showing them you know. Yeah, good point, Peter, Yeah that is and I guess, and I guess as I'm thinking about that, I guess it's And this is sometimes where maybe criticism comes of the how idea of MB using love language is is because sometimes it potentially can

be used in the wrong way. You know, if it started to keep track of what each other are doing, and you know, I'm taking a note of all these things that you've done and you're not doing this and start to use it in a negative way, then that that necessarily is not the right thing either, because you're ideally you're doing these things for the betterment and expressing how you love the other person rather than keeping track and using it as

kind of things. So again, you're just be doing it for the right reasons, and ultimately, like you said, Pedro, you would be if you were doing that for somebody else who would just necessarily reciprocate that. Then that's sometimes how it is. But if you're starting to utilize that in that way within your your relationships and that's not going to be a good thing, that's not gonna be a good thing at all. So that's when you know

you love somebody, you love. You love somebody when you could do something for them and expect nothing in return. That's it. Yeah, that's true. That is true. Yeah, that's true because when you start doing stuff because you expect that's like I rub your feet and I rub my feet. No, that's not how it works, you know, Or I rubbed your back on my back. It's not how it works. It is because like

we said, there's different types of love. So it's just about if you could do something for somebody and not expect the same thing in return, then that means that's that's shown true love to somebody because now you can you do it unconditionally as we said earlier, do you do it a self selflessly? You know, you just is second nature? You know, God loves us like that, He loves us where he just does things for us and he doesn't respect, expect nothing in return and except for us just to do it

to love them back. Yeah, I mean it's interesting. My next thing is to kind of saying, you know, is there I'm gonna say, don't know if this is messed the right thing? Is there like a negative side of love? Because is it really a case of love covers all things? You know? And as I start off by say, you know, love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage in the sense of you know, the two, but does it cover all things? And that concept

came from I think it's in first Peter. I think, you know, love covers a multitude of sins, and I suppose in that context maybe it's about to forbear or to put up with. You know, love puts up with a lot. There's mistakes and flaws, does it though? I see your point because it's just like I love you. I love you enough to say, you know what, our relationship is toxic, We're not going away. I love you enough to leave you because this is not gonna work.

No, you know, we trying, and you're not good for me. I'm not good for you. It's it's no growth, it's it's no change, it's just bad. So but when you're not together, you get along better. So you love them enough to get away from what's not it's not good for you. So I think that's possible as well, because not everybody's gonna But that's why you get the counselor first. Ye, you gotta get the counseling first and see what's cousin? What's cousin? You know, because

once you get married, you want to stay together. I want to stay together. But some people love themselves enough to leave the situation. Like I love you, but I can't. Some people can't deal with certain issues, you know what I mean. Some people it's not going to stay in certain marriages if they just they don't feel safe, if they don't feel needed, if they don't all. You know, there's so many different things, and you know, like I love you, but I just can't stay with you.

So love that happens in your So love necessarily won't may not fix a problem that's going on. Oh love does not. Love does not keep a marriage together. We talked about that. I'm sorry to do it. At the end of the show's coming. We've got probably another ten another ten minutes

or so. So right, love does not keep the marriage together because just like she said, you can love somebody, but if it's toxic, you have to remove yourself from the situation, because no matter how much you love the person, if it's if all you're doing is arguing and fighting every day and your children are seeing this, and you're hurting each other, or you're doing things to each other to be petty, that's that's not a good marriage

either. So why why would you want to stay in something? Because then your mental health comes into play and now you're mentally you're not all there, So you know you I don't believe that. I think I think you always say commitment. Commitment is what is what keeps a marriage. To you, you guys just say that. I just I just believe if you're in a marriage and you're truly not happy and every day it's just it's dreadful, and

who want to live like that? You know what I'm saying. I don't think God want us to be in that type of situation where you know, and even though God is all about marriage and keeping it together, there's something I believe God, if you really think about it, do God really want us to be in a situation that we're just not going to you know, see an end of the light of the tone. You know, it's not going to be you're not changed hard together. Yeah, but if you got

two people that are not like he not changing, she's not changing. You know, like, how did that's supposed to work? If both people are not putting in that time? You know what I'm saying. You can't make somebody stay with you, You can't make somebody love you. You can't make somebody work out a problem that they're just not willing to let go. You got to be willing to let things go sometimes in marriages and you that's some things you're gonna let go and move on farm and some things you had a

situation, but you work through them. So it just depending on where you want to be. And some people just not willing to put up with certain things. So they line is drawn, they done, it's over. It's it's no they mentally have conked out. So if they just mentally conked out, but they still in the marriage. You just there your shell. Yeah,

but then it's also a valid point. But then you have to be careful because some people just use anything to get out of a marriage that's true and not and it's not really a valid reason to be out of the marriage. I don't like the way he chew. I don't like the way he look, you know, something like, you know, you don't have no more money. You know, that's the main things. You know a lot of people, you know, so you have to be careful of that.

But I guess does that's a lot about maybe about the starting point, because sometimes people get into relationships and and they go so far to they get married, and actually maybe they should never really got married in the first place, because there were things that really weren't set up set up in the way that

maybe they should have done. There may be in red flags or maybe things that they haven't considered or they never discussed, or they've kind of got a perspective in a view that may be just completely rose tinted and it's not being realistic. You know, they maybe not thinking for the future. Because I guess there is a point where and you've talked about how you can only come back that there must be a point where actually, what is marriage going to

mean for us? What is that going to mean for our relationship? You know, what's all these things that we have to consider because you're two separate people who are going to come together and try and work it out. And you know, we know that's not going to be going to be easy. But the idea of commitment is that you're going to try and make it work. But sometimes, you know, and again I'm speaking very generally and very broadly, sometimes a couple of days you said they may split for a reason

that you just think did you not know this beforehand? Or did you never consider this, or what did you think was going to happen in a situation? And again, like I said, I've been generalizing here completely, But

you know, you have to kind of wonder from a starting point. And as you mentioned, you know you had counseling before you got married, always part of your you know, people get married before they have answered before they get married or during their marriage to help maintain or look at some of those challenges. So I wonder will it says a lot to do with your starting

point as well as the development and growth within you. I would say that even if you get counseling doesn't necessarily mean that the marriage is gonna you know, going to work all the time. It just it just gives you. It just gives you. It just gives you a starting point to get a better understanding. Yes, because you got how you got there, because I just just knowing. Like for us, we just start off right at all. The fact that we're still married eighteen years later is a testament of God

himself because we and everything we talk about we did or the opposite. I guess that's why we started doing the podcast and start talking as a couple, because we realized that God has really blessed us and brought us through, you know, through our marriage because you know, you you could try to do

the right thing, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. So it's about just educating yourself, learning and then communicating and talking to your spouse and then being willing to make those changes mid marriage or mid relationship or whatever whatever stage you're in, and then learning from that and then like for us, it's not we talk about see this is the weird thing. We talk

about the past, but we don't bring up the past. So we talk about our past, but in the argument, we don't bring it up no more. We used to. I remember when you did this, I remember when you that, like you know, but we don't bring it up no more. It's just we know it's there, but we are. It's about healing each other. One thing about marriage, and one of the love languages

is self healing. Self is self healing and self loving yourself. When you can start loving yourself and knowing the mistakes you made, but no that you are a much better place you get, then love the next person more too, Because if you can't love yourself, if you're if I'm so depressed and I'm so upset with myself and I can't love myself, I can't how can I love somebody else? I can't love my wife if I don't even love myself. So you got to start loving yourself to then love your love your

spouse. I think healing comes when you decide to work on yourself first. Oh, now you have to work in yourself, and then when you do that, then you can open up the door for your and your spouse to get through those hard scars that may have happened in your marriage and to be able to look at them and talk about them without you know, and just get through that hard thing. I mean just your marriage, but your personal

life that you've been through as a child, as an adult. Some people don't get married to their forty what happened to all the other thirty nine years of their life? That's a whole other show. I said, I'm kind of I'm kind of prefessingent for next Yeah, definitely is definitely is because you're right and the idea of you know, we talk about self love and loving

ourselves at the end of the day. When we come a bit about self worth in January with Allison, you know, at the end of the day, we've got to love ourselves, know our own worth, know our own value to then be able to share that with somebody else and then be that person to somebody else as well. So yeah, most definitely we are coming to a couple of hours go, so I know, right, But so we've been talking about we've been talking about love and really love actually as you

know, as an emotion, as a feeling. Oh, you mentioned very briefly about you know sometimes you know when things aren't going right that you know it can meant it can affect our mental health within our relationships. But you know, love and good loving relationships have been linked actually can have a really positive effect on our mental and our physical health. Interestingly enough, you know it's been linked to lower risks of heart disease, better health habits, increase

longevity of life in general. You know, having good, positive, loving relationships can reduce our stress levels and hopefully combat depression, even lower the risk of diabetes and different other health conditions as well. So you know, love and affection are really important to our well being and our quality of life.

And you know, ultimately we want to have loving relationships and the reflection of the kind of relationship that God has for us and a love, grace and mercy that He has for us. So as we're come to the end there in terms of love and in our relationships are our marriages, what sort of three tips would you say to kind of what can I say to bring love and have love within your What a bit, again, we've talked about lots

of different things today. What would you say is your top three tips or things to sort of you know, if we're thinking about love in terms of our relationships, what would they be Mane would be compassion. Yeah, listening and just being there, just being you know, just being there with with your spells, letting them know you're available. I'm available for you. Okay, cool. Love that love that Pedro. I'm trying to think I might

as well be oh bye. It's such a communication compassion and understanding. Mm hmmm, yeah that too. I think for me, I'm just trying to think of think, because I was going to say the thing so that you were saying, goes. Everybody goes. It's not just marriages, this is for everybody generally. I think it's I think, you know, God's love

first is going to be my example. Yeah, I think taking the time and making the time, and I suppose being kind and showing demonstrating it because I think, you know, sometimes it's very easy to talk the talk, but you want to you want to walk the walk as well. All of those things. I mean, everything that we've said, you know, those

nine tips, those nine things there would be so much as jail. I hate when people, you know, when people say and then you say, and then they say, well, you know, God first, God is always first, and everything, like what people to realize when when we talk about things. We mean it in the context of God is always first,

not saying you as well, I'm just making fun. I'm just saying in a sense of like for us, God is first and everything we do in our marriage that we may not always say it, but just know that that's always the case. But I think when you say that, I think it's actually and I think my thinking in that is the demonstrating of that. That's why I was going to be like, treat treat others the way you I

think Tara said a few minutes ago, like you know that. I think the last point that you said it was like treating people the way you want to be treated. If you treat people, if we have God in our heart and we carry that with us and everywhere we go, they will see they will see the good in you, and then they would and they will treat you back the same way. Because you're treating you have no choice but to treat. And that's where I said, you don't have as not a

choice. Sometimes it's just who you are. You treat people right, they're gonna treat you back right. And it goes the same thing with your spouse. If you treat your spouse right, it's gonna it's gonna be sent back to you. That's what I'm saying. What she's saying about the kindness and being kind of people. Yeah, so that wraps us up really nicely in terms of, you know, our thoughts on love. And you know, whilst I've going to wish people a happy love Day when it comes to Wednesday,

however, don't just limit it just to Wednesday. Love should be shown every day throughout the year to those people that you care about, those people that you love that mean a lot to you, and you know that can filter right into our everyday lives as well. You know, if we are we are Christians, we are followers of Christ. We are reflections of Him. The love should be what we do to show other people and demonstrate God's love for us. So I thank you all for listening to us as we

close. Pedro Tara, would either of you love to pray for us to close? Yeah, so okay, that's great, and then we'll say goodbyes for another week. Okay, let's pray. Laura, thank you so much for this time that we're able to talk about love and marriage and relationships. Lord help us to display that love that you show us to give to each other. Well, be with each person each marriage. Each person is desiring to go into marriage. Lord, show them the way to go. Laura,

be with everyone this week, even on Valentine's Day. Don't let them be the only day that you disclay your love, but today to show someone that you know you care for them. Lord, we love you and thank you for your grace and your mercy. Are praying your son Jesus name. Amen, Amen, thank you so much. I've love the conversation with you guys today and I hope you have been listening. We'll have something that you can take away and utilize it and put it into practice throughout your week.

Do get in contact with us at studio at Adventist dot Radio dot London or textus on H triple two eight or whatsappers on seven four five nine six four two eight nine eight. We always want to hear what you've got to say at ARL, so do get in contact with us. We will be continuing with our theme of love, marriage and relationships over the next couple of weeks, so do join us again. And I'm going to as we say goodbye, I'm going to leave you with a song by Whitney Houston that I love

the Lord because ultimately, as we said, we're putting God first. Yeah, yeah, we love the Lord, and hopefully we're loving on each other. So it's good night from Pedro Attara. I seem to have I think my internet's gone a bit weird, so I seemed to have frozen on me. But good night for myself Angela, and we will see you next week. So I'm gonna leave you all with I Love the Lord by Whitney Houston. Good night and thank you. Ah love the Lord. Ye corral and

paid cheat re grol lo. I mean, may I case cheese. He's thorough, I show showing a look he held my gold and a pity hard around. Yes, it is ever. Never believe a honey to so try Oh, he says, chee choo choo choo too. Oh hasten, he's a too you know, let me go. M Chip streams. No, he's a scream. That's here. I know where to go. He's to go. No, I can go where I can go. My head, I'll come around. No go, I know I'm I can go. I hate that to tell mam. No man I go. I know how I

can come here. Why isn't you listen so here? Adventist Radio, London inspiration for the song