Relationships Series Part 2

Adventist Radio London. Inspiration for the song.

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Sen You Angeler, discussing the hot topics and answering your.

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Good evening, good evening, and welcome to Talking Point. It is another Sabbath evening, February the fifteenth, and thank you for.

Joining recording in this progress evening.

I hope you've had a good day here, good Sabbath wherever you've been and what have you whatever you've been doing here in I'd love to say here in sunny Watford, it is no longer sunny. We had quite a nice yesterday, but it is maybe a typically February day, but it's quite gray and it's been starting to rain as well. But regardless of that, there is sunshine right here. And I'm glad that you were able to join us to

Amen.

Okay, So it is another week of February, another week of love, and I guess if you are in the UK, I'm not sure about it around the world. Actually, yesterday was Valentine's Day, so traditionally loveday, and I recognize that, you know, not necessarily into the whole commercialism of everything, and ideally love should be something that you're celebrating year round every day. But it was traditionally Valentine's Day, the day of love, and that kind of ties in nicely

How are you doing.

Afternoon talking point? And thank everybody for joining us today.

So you had a good week.

Oh yeah, definitely had a good week, really fast week. Yeah, yeah, nothing really, it's just you know, same old, same old other dollar another die. I'm gonna do a different phrase today, you know, just you know, no work and kids and you know, just maintaining and you know, learning something every day. I think we learned. I think in life, we learned something every day that you probably didn't think you would learn, even if you're like especially have teenagers. Yes, for me personally,

Cool.

So yeah, especially this cold and everything going around.

Yes, yes, indeed, lesson about that. I felt a few sniffles myself this week and I was like, oh, I don't want a cold in this cold weather.

Again.

I've had enough time, so yeah, hopefully leave that one alone.

Cool said, yeah, how are you doing.

I'm well, good evening everyone, the panelist. We've got a full house tonight this evening.

And also two hour listens. It's when good to have you tuned in. My week was good.

Yesterday Valentine's Day, but also my mom's birthday yesterday. I've got to do half half half about the mother's love and then the other half about.

The other love love, birthday, mummy.

So grateful, God is so so good, so good.

Day yesterday.

Oh my goodness, I celebrak. I know you say that.

I know and forgot that you just said that that was Valentine's Day.

That might be a point of discussion.

That's another discussion at another time. Yeah, but I don't. I don't say limit any holidays, birthdays, Christmas, New Year's.

Nothing interesting, I don't interesting.

Well, okay, so we've got a full house today, as you said.

So how you how you?

I know, we do have to jump in at.

It was busy as always. Yeah, it's a bit up and down, and if you're sitting in the background. That's my mum in the studio with me today, so we might have a musical accompaniment for that as well.

But yeah, my week's not been too bad.

But up and down. Yeah, gone very quickly. I wonder whether I've achieved a great deal.

But here we are, here we are. So we've got a.

Full house today, She said to Danya, someone to quickly go around and say hi to everybody, and then we will make a start. I'll play a piece of music and then we'll make a start. So if you were with us last week, who was on last week with us? Oh we had, I'm gonna start with Geraldine. So Geraldine, do say hello and introduce yourself. That's all right, Hi, how are you tell us a little bit about yourself.

Hi, I'm Geraldine.

I'm a psychologist and I coach. I work on the Better Help platform. I have an actors and I'm a spiritual woman. Oh god, and.

Cool, cool, cool, Okay, thank you for joining us and welcome back. And it was great to hear from you last week. So I'm looking forward to your insights this week as well and last week hopefully.

Shannon.

I know you're having some technical difficulties. Shannon are you with us? Can we hear you?

Hi?

Are you able to hear me?

I am Yes, we're hearing your lad clear. So I just introduce yourself. Tell us little bit about yourself as well.

My name is Shannon, Shannon Curtis.

I'm a writer of Finding You Mental Wellness Explored, and this week has been.

Amazing in that I've written.

I've completed another two books and well accomplished.

Yes, so yeah.

We'll have to get you. We'll have to get you with another show when we're doing around after. We do have a lot of authors on some coming in, so definitely would be good to highlight your work there. But thank you for joining us as well. And then I'm going to go to one of our gentlemen. I'm going to go to Hilton. So, Hilton, you've been on the show before. Gonna say this time last year. Really wasn't this time last year last year? So welcome back and

Do well, it's promptly is a pleasure to be on the shore. Just confirm that you can hear me.

I can hear you.

Fuye.

Okay, wonderful name me Sirtain Samuel, and I concidentize her to be an apostle to families. I help people fix the broken marriages and their hope singles, perhaps sign the right person for them.

Cool, lovely, So again another of our experts, as it were, looking forward to hearing your insights and then joining us. We've got two newer guests. We have Sharday. So I'm gonna say, Shady, if you want to come off mute and introduce yourself. We met Shade a few weeks ago Overreatchick'm so welcome.

Says a bit about yourself.

Thank you hire. My name is Shade. I'm a hairdresser.

I've been a headresson for about twenty six years now, so my whole life really.

I am a mom.

Of two, well three really because my niece is like my daughter. She lives with us, and yeah, been married for two years. Been good actually, like it's quite surprising that I didn't think it would be this easy. But then it's only two years in so we'll see how that goes. But I thank God, so far, so good, and yeah, I'm happy to be here and maybe share something inside with you guys, because in the salon, like you know, I'm not like a lot of people have trained thervice, I am be doing they even.

Though I'm qualified. Or in the salon we all talk.

It's a space where a woman can be comfortable and we can like trust in each other, confide each other and advise each other. So yeah, maybe some of that I might be able to bring to the table tonight.

Yes, I bet you're saying.

Actually, when we're rich, is it in terms of you must hear a lot people?

You know, it's like you said, it's a safe plenty.

It's a safe space and people feel comfortable, you know, talking, you have conversations, So I'm sure you must hear quite a lot. So yes, looking into insights there. And then we also have another new guest done with us today. Geraldine mentioned him earlier, but I'm going to welcome Garth to our panel today. Hi Garth, you're trying to come up, come off you and let us know introduce yourself.

I Hi, good afternoon, that's my pleasure. Happy sober all and the rest especially, I'm from and Tobago. I'm a teacher, I'm a counselor, I'm a head coach, I'm a friend, I'm a fiance, a daddy, it's the corner man father, and.

I am you're one of.

Your presenters this evening, cool responsors, this evening.

Okay, lovely, and thank you for joining And you're joining us from am.

I am I doing soon because I'm not seeing myself.

I can see you, but that's fine. I can see you, but I understand you're actually you're in Trinidad at the moment, So thank you for joining us a little earlier than us. We're kind of coming to the end of the day and I guess you're kind of midday ISHU as well there, So so yeah, we've got a full house here today and thank you all for joining us. And as I said, we're going to be looking at solutions to making our

Brothers and sisters, I want to welcome you back to life, back to the one. They can make your next chapter your best chapter.

How a man?

How good you see.

Your life?

Was?

They legging?

Funny? Two big, great and some face it with you a win? Even everything here I can pull like you go away, Come on, he said, A day.

That's a pusson funny profile makes my fey like.

That's why nobody but you.

I don't wanna love nobody but you. I don't wanna love nobody nobody for you.

Let's go Nick every one the massic grace of Julian you.

Cover me became me.

I appreciate it as it's amazing concutations with big I will that you don't give up on me, help me healthy, succe than you like you, com everything, my God.

Let me tell you when it goes, say and you will.

Hallelujah.

That's not fuss, not enough like this, And I promise.

You like you.

That's why.

You Yes, I don't want to know about it, No.

Sir, storm over, No, that's right.

I don't want to.

Know nobody nobody and the church saying, come on, Jesus loving you it sounds crazy, don't hey.

Let me tell you what it means.

That's why I want to love no body.

But I don't want to love no.

I don't want to love nobody.

Nobody, but I really mean at this time.

Jesus, nobody.

Let me tell you when it goes.

Come on.

People, let you down, Mike. See, I will never final I love like the.

Form of the day. Let me again, so cold the rest of my life.

Thank you, everybody to love you.

You're a savior.

No, thank you.

I don't want to love no.

I want to love nobody, love nobody.

But you, Okay, Kat Franklin love theory. So we are joined by a wonderful panel this evening we're going to be talking about, As I said, this is our month of relationships, and we've kind of been looking at, I suppose, the differences between men and women in terms of how they view relationships generally from friendships to maybe working relationships and then moving into the kind of more romantic or a little bit about dating and going hopefully to move

I don't know what.

I'll jump in well, so everyone else cass their thoughts.

The the the.

I mean, Hilton, you you said it nicely before in November when you were on, and I thought that was such a good point to make, and of course it was disputed or not disputed, but discussed the fact that our women communicate, our men communicate functionally. Or if I'm not muship from saying it right, you'll have to correct me or a mend what I've said. But you're saying that our men tend to communicate just for specific purposes.

There is a need, there is an.

Issue that needs to be addressed, and they go in and they talk about it very briefly, and the job is done and they move on. Whereas our women, we will multitask. We will talk about X, Y and Z,

So I'd probably just ask you to just elaborate.

On that a little bit more and then maybe tell us how that feeds into the question that's been posed. Now, how can we as men and women maybe adjust our styles if if everyone's concluding that that is how it is for most, how can we adjust out our styles to make ourselves more.

I don't know what the word is going today.

Attract There you're going through attractive to the other to the other sex.

So let me let you start that off from memory. Can you can take it from them?

Well, thank you for that. I can't exactly remember that the context and the things that actually said, but as you were speaking, something came to my mind in terms of tweaking that many people some people connect to talk and some people talk to connect.

That's exactly what you said. Oh that's what I said. Okay, yes, and and.

I feel that generally speaking, again, these are generalization. You know, we've taken them with a pinch of salt that lots lots of women tend to talk to connect and as they speak, they you know, things get clearer in their minds. They process things in that in that kind of way,

A good place to start again, a good place.

Yes, general. In order to have a very powerful, what I call rock solid, high performing divorced relationship, there are two characteristic top qualities that we have found is really essential both in men and women, and these are compassion and kindness. Compassion and kindness or niceness that if you have these qualities, you make a very very powerful and your relationship will go a long way. And I'll just

Okay, well that's a really interesting point. So I guess based on my question, so if I can demonstrate compassion and kindness.

I could be off to a really good start.

Yeah, and the Bible is quite clear on that. If we from a biblio centric point of view, when Paul speaks about I think it's in effhesions for be kind one to another, tender hearted, you know, tend the heartedness is compassionate, being compassionate kindness. He mentions that there, and then he goes on to say being able to forgive him as God for christ sake has forgiveness. So I just wanted to slip in that that that aspect the biblical, the biblical centric perspective on that.

Okay, okay, thank you for that. Any other thoughts I have.

And then okay, go ahead, Okay, that's really great.

I was just thinking sometimes based on the conversations I have with a lot of women in the salon, and what comes to across a lot is that we don't necessarily a lot of time understand the roles. And because it's like a barber shop and heterosone shop, when we do start talking, the men chiming the woman, it goes into like a big thing, you know.

But what because.

I'm I'm my thirties, what I realized with women my age, talking to my friends and talking to a lot of younger girls and stuff, no one really understand their roles. And I think what you can bring to any healthy relationship is understanding the role that you are going to play what you should play according to God's standards, And I think that's something that I had to learn as well.

Like being married, I had to.

Understand my role, but also as a single person. If you don't understand your role, what you're meant to be playing when you do get into a relationship, then you don't necessarily know what you're looking for when you are looking for a partner. I feel like when I was younger, I mean I didn't really understand why I was thought like, you know, just being able to cook and clean and being able to smile and do prey and whatever was enough.

So I think understanding your role.

As a mal what you're meant to be playing, and then understand your role as a female, like working on yourself, working on what you're meant to be, who you meant, how you're meant to interact with each other, understanding your flaws and then working on that and then maybe then when you're looking for someone, you're looking for someone when you're sorry, when you're yeah, when you're looking for that healthy relationship.

Because you know who you are.

What you're supposed to be, and what you're meant to be embodied in your role, then it's easier.

For you to attach the healthy relationship. Okay, I think I'm trying to say very cool, cool.

On the top, live, Yes, indeed, roles, respecting for each other's role, but also applying love. Love for every person might be different. Are you guys hearing me?

Yea yep, yep, yep.

Love can mean very differently for each person. So it's establishing what love looks like for you, what love is by for me, so that you can portray the right.

Play, the right action is meaningful to the other.

Showing admiration deep, being a actions deep, you know, and.

It doesn't mean like.

Married.

To show like the admiration, you.

Need to start from before from you decide that this is a person that you select. You need to, you know, show that you're really passionate about the person. Just to bring it into the biblical terms, the Bible says to leave and cleave and christ like that for the church, like here, like the women are supposed to be like the church symbolizing, and the husband needs to be that care for the woman, to protect her, to be the provider and leading from the front, and the roles are

Don't know, I don't know, bire environment where we can pass.

On those directions so that people are clear from people who have already done it.

And are are successful in their relationship.

Okay, okay, so that's really a practical thing. Because I was as you were talking, I was thinking, okay, so.

How would I find out my role.

How would I know this? You know, what would be? Where would I get the information from? So that's kind of a good suggestion there as well, Geraldine or Garth, any thoughts on I guess from a therapeutic perspective, maybe any thoughts on that as individuals? How can I be off to a really good Startine's area?

So let's go ahead, we go, we bouncing between one another.

Again again, go ahead, go ahead, right, So I'm just going to bounce off from the back of Hilton.

Actually, and I think he is really correct in the sense of kindness and compassion, because Paul tells us let each esteem each other better than themselves is an act of kindness and compassion. And if we look at Galatians, we look at the fruit of the Spirit, and it details nine essential areas for one to actually know and learn from themselves. But I want to touch on two

That's very applicable to.

Bring into a healthy relationship because you really don't want somebody in that relationship who is probably buckling under every stressful situation of life, and hence the reason why I believe in itself that when we depend on Christ, Christ, who.

Is our rock, is our short foundation.

With supposed to be able to build a kind of stability upon Christ's work and stability within the relationship.

So emotional reason elements.

Get in touch with your feelings, understanding who you are as an individual even before you enter into a relationship, so that you know, I'm not saying it's book by the book, because each relationship is different. You know essentially as yourself that there are certain things that you can cope with. You talk about it and you understand each other listening to how each other quotes within this situation and what you can bring into that relationship.

The other thing I want to quickly touch on is temperament.

So just the White talks about temperament in mind, personality and character. I think it's really important for you to be able to understand the different types of temperaments. We have four garth and I listen to a sermon this morning, and I think it just re emphasized for me in my mind. Whilst counseling couples and looking at people who

All right, That's where I'm going to stop from minute.

Okay, cool girls, did you have a thought there?

Yes, I I normally always do have a thought.

How can we as individuals contribute to healthy to healthy relationships?

And of course, from a teacher's point of.

View, we are in charge of students and we will influence them directly or indirectly to developing maintaining healthy relationships. And most times we like to make sure we don't take certain terms for granted in terms of healthy. What do we call healthy in terms of relationships? What do we mean when we see relationships? One I think is Shannon said, love is something different in different cultures, in different communities, in different countries. What I might think is

You know, yes, so that.

It's correct. But I want to I liked how it started off. Hilton started off and then we came down. So that I want to add each individual vidual is responsible for their developments, right, for their improvements.

And so the first thing.

I would think is one should be at a point mature enough mat you should not have taken place where they would have acknowledge that they are at a point where they could start making friends and developing better friendship. And if their hormones is on that side, then they must be aware that they are rules to follow in developing. There is one or two texts I use a lot to.

Guide me, to guide us.

Our faith faith comets well, we are saved by grace through faith, right we are saved by grace God's love through faith.

But what is faith to me?

Faith is not just belief. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word. So if faith is such an important thing for happiness, for being safe and saved, and faith is associated with knowledge, faith is associated with reading, with hearing, with discussing, faith is probably what we are doing, all right, because it's a doing. They say, faith without works is dead, So that what we are doing here

Have been trained by a parent, by.

A teacher, by some adults, and in terms of their culty again because every society may have a little difference in training, all right, but to them it would be their norm, their normal behavior in developing one's self. So one have to be ready because association, you know, is two coming together. And sometimes I think, yesterday, I'm I'm

I have work to do. You know.

So it's important to know where you are, how you are, wet words, so.

That you don't speak out of context. You could speak if I'm speaking Spanish. I don't expect somebody to come and speak German or e English to develop a relationship.

We made relating, but it's what type would it be?

Healthy?

No, so knowing self, as I said, knowing the rules to follow.

We have books Bible Ellen White, you know, because the word is not jazzy bye. But the word is also what we call the.

You know, the.

Those books that support the Bibles.

You know a man.

Okay, thank you for that, Sena, so your hand before had you any thoughts on this?

Or help him as wealth, I'll help him go. And then it was just a question, a follow up question.

Okay, so so you had a point to what's already been discuss.

Per okay, okay, sorry.

Your hands absolutely?

Oh yeah, I wanted to muscle in here and suggests this guy Alan Alaine, the button who is an English flast of helm Uh. He's reading the book on a Relationship and he makes a very powerful statement. He says that our error is to suppose that we were born knowing how to love, and that managing a relationship might

Enough said okay, Cynia, did you have a point to following? Jump in there, go to Shannon. Okay, Shannon, go ahead, I will I.

Will hold hold two words as key that we need to do is respect. From what I've heard others as well and said as well. So respect is very important because if for example, you're going to speak in tern or turn, then you would need to respect what that person is doing and think about it, so you know, stuff like that. And the other one is exercising forgiveness. Because that has to be applied over and over again because we're symbolizing a lower level of heavenly things or heavily heavenly.

Practice or scenario.

And so we're going to get those principles in action right where we are so that we can also receive those forgiveness, those blessings that.

Are meant to come to us. Those are two very strong areas.

None of us can really high behind. We're going to get it in some way, shape or form.

Then also.

Meeting that person in terms of what their what their likes are. So if you have a quarrel or if you have a disagreement, you you're able to touch that soft spot where you turn things around very easily. And the word that says, do not go down. Don't let the sun go down down on your wrath, because if we understand that, every day comes with its own challenge

Okay, cool, thank you, Sanya.

All Right, Sorry I was trying to answer before when I was on the mute Apology.

But it's it's all.

Been really full and deep and meaningful conversation, a lot of reminders for some and new information for others perhaps, But my question is because it's all been good, it's all been informative, and we know what we're looking to do, but I still feel, how do we do it?

How do we work.

On our compassion and our kindness? How do we work on our ability to be respectful and understanding?

How do we work on our emotional intelligence? Are we born that way?

Or is there a place that you go, Like you go to the pharmacist for medication, is there a place that you go that you can pick up these things? I know Shannon mentioned before that there could be courses, and I think she hinted to it being in the church, maybe spaces and places within the church that this can be taught or explained or discussed. So is that where we started? Does it start with our parents? The upbringing?

Yeah?

I'm I'm going all over.

The show because I think we've got good solutions, we know where we're headed. But for someone listening stops, even for myself, if I've got things to work on where do I go to work on it? How do I know where to start when I'm working on it? And Geldine, I'm going to destroy it? Oh to you, because I think, can.

They say one thing before you throw out the journey?

Ah?

Can't say one thing?

Cause I was actually, oh, yes, sorry, Patriote, that was kind.

Of gonna be my question too, But I was gonna go kind of piggyback on Hilton a little bit, which I agree with what he said about I think I forgot the word he used. But my world would be like expectations. I think sometimes we go into a a

If I were to piggyback on you, then I would say, I think we should have expectations, but maybe it's just about setting healthy expectations.

That's I need that, And that's what I'm saying, Like yeah, but like okay, So like I'm going from personal. When I married Tala, I expected a certain thing, but it was not. It didn't turn out the way that I thought. And and to be fair, I always tell people like me and Tara's relationship and our marriage has been I would not recommend that think some of the things we went through in our marriage for other relationships, because they may not survive. So I think it's based on the

I mean my thing to help him, that would be again to sort of I guess go about. Sesenia's question was almost like how do you do that? Because you kind of think, where does where due us or where should maybe my expectations.

Communications, as Shanna said, respect, communicate, respect, and understanding communication, that's what. Then that's what all the things that you learn, you read, you study, you look at other you you talk to other people. You get examples and then you kind of you kind of like put it all in a pot and mix it together and then you and then you pick out what works for you because what works for what works for us may not work for you, but you can kind of tweak it to where it

Exactly about her. Yeah, me too, I agree.

I agree.

Like it's one of my biggest things that I literally talked to her. Every person I mean that is older than me. I love sitting down and having conversation with other people that are married because you live from there, like you experience what they've experienced without actually living in So everybody that's married, I mean, because I'm very newly married, I'm just like, what advice would you give me? Or what did you have to what would you say I

But if we just sit and listen sometimes.

Like it can be very very helpful. I've always been that person. From growing up. I'd always asked older people, like I would say and listen to stories for hours because I'm just like I need to hear what you did.

So I don't do that.

Do you get good to hear you say that? I'm almost stand it to say, repeat, repeat, repeat. Our young people need to hear that if they don't already know.

I honestly like it's one of like I've got a lot of older clients are coming, like I love hearing the windworsh story and the wind Ruge generation stories. I love hearing how how you been married? I mean like we travel.

I travel a lot. When I go, we go to loads of different inventist churches. Everywhere we go. We try to finan chide and you go to it.

And when I was in Watertime, i met this couple that was married for seventy years. So I'm like, wow, I was listening the whole time. I wouldn't talk it to nobody else in the ship. I just wanted to hear all these stories then, because that is an accomplishment in itself, and in this day and age, my generation is just like, Okay, we picked this up, we drop it.

We don't like that we pick this up, we drop it.

But marriage is a commitment, and when we make that commitment before God first of all, and then before the world, we have to understand how to deal with that. The only way we're going to know first of all the Bible, and then the older people in our community, in our churches.

If you talk to any older person, God first, God first, called first.

But as young people because of the generation that we live, and we tend not to hear that that God first, because that's the only way it's going to be like God.

It's not at the forefront.

Is if your husband's not leading your partners, not partner your husband, If your husband's not leading with God first, then it's going to fall apart. And if you talk to the old the married couples in the churches, they always say they put God first, do you know what I mean? And then everything else comes after that. Sorry, I just wanted to know, no question.

Went to Geraldine.

I think, but I don't know if Geraldine used to wanting to chime.

In, and then I think there was.

A mother first, and then I'll come and.

Come up with.

Well, a lot of men said that I do agree and support. The only thing I probably would want to chime in there is probably because I'm a teachers. Marriage is an institution, This says, the institution that you don't graduate from.

And I know they.

Said it is probably Miss Elton and yourself could verify whether, yes, more divorces are really marrying. And we want to know why. Is it because of technology? Is it because we have more people writing books?

Is it because knowledge has increased?

Is it because the church is more impacting? The church recognize that they have been feelings, so they are now coming up to scratch now and educating the populace the membership about maintaining and strengthening relationships.

These are some of the realities.

But as a teacher, we fail because of ignorance, you know, we perish for the lack of my people perish for the lack of knowledge. And yes, we are in the information age or the fingertips we have, you know, just a punch and stuff and we're getting information.

But I'm also and I'm.

Also saying, as Buttan was suggesting the skills.

You know, we need skills for success.

And as I said, yes, we could get these skills either from the example, the pages of people lives or the pages that people write, the pages of people lives or the pages of people that people write, but information education. Because I want to be, for example, I want to be the best teacher, the best lawyer, the best doctor, I have to.

Go through a scheme. I have to go through one, two, three, four.

Sometimes six seven years before I could be a specialist, before before I could consider myself a success.

But but but.

But where's the university for or where's the school or the class for a successful marriage?

Where's it?

We have books, yes, but where's the course, where's the class? Where's the degree offered?

Okay?

Well that Hilton, did you or Jaldine? You're jumping in? Okay, go on, Okay.

So I just wanted to add a few things the practice. I'm going to come back on the back of Pedro. Actually, and Hilton said a few things before. You know, as Christians, our principles are based on the Word of God. Categorically, whether we like to read the Word every day, whether we like to pray every day, whether we like to praise God every day or not, it's based in God's word.

It's just simple.

So one of the practical guidances that Jesus has given us is to love your neighbor as yourself. If you learn to be kind and compassionate to others who do not know you, who are not of your own kind i e. Christianity or culture, then you will be able to display that in your marriage. It's as simple as that. Now people always talk about roles and responsibilities.

Practical guidance is given in God's word.

All right.

We have books from Egui. I was reading books at the age of sixteen seventeen, you know. Messages to young people was the first direct second was my sister gave me a book.

It was onbecoming a woman. Right. There are other books that I have read irrespective of that.

But I have to say, remember these books, and I'm not knocking any book at all, but these books are written on the basis of somebody's experience.

It is not yours.

Nobody said that there would be pages and pages of pages.

Of how we will get on in marriage. Nobody said that. Jesus never said that right.

He gave us biblical principles for the concepts and the purposes and the premises of marriage. But nobody told us that there would be a book written, So I'm not too sure why we're expecting it. What we do know is that we have to base our marriage or our relationship with God based upon his word.

Jesus teaches us all things. The Holy Spirit leads us into all truth.

And while some people may feel, well that's easy to see, but he really does. If your dependency really is on Christ, the solid rock, then he will teach you, he says, I will teach you and lead you into Autroughy, what did you think it was?

Just as well?

No, there's practical skills of living a basic a basic life, the principles of given, the principles of love it, the principles of teaching. All of these things are conjured up in God's word. And if we learn to eat the words of God, then we will see it displayed out.

Within our lives. Yes, we will have hiccups along the way. I wasn't where I.

Was a year ago or six months ago had changed, especially in the relationship that I have with Earth. We've both changed. We have seeing the change. We talk about it practically, we pray about it. Essentially, we ask God to help us to improve individually and collectively together so that we are always continuing that process.

And that journey. So I would always.

Say that the humility, the generosity, the faithfulness, the love of the neighbor, the forgiveness, he honesty, the integrity, all of these things display.

And conjure up one's character.

How you love your neighbor, love God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself. If you learn to love your neighbor, you get the practicality of how your relationship would be one with another. Because if you love a stranger, you if you love a stranger, you definitely will be able to have that teachable, teachable spirit. God always speaks to

You know, get to know the providence of his life for you. Don't be fearful.

Ask God to teach you how to walk in his statues and to walk in His way. Wait, so that those biblical principles coupled with the practical experience that He teaches us every.

Day, Well, this will be displayed in the Christian's life. M Oh yeah, I didn't want to preach.

No, no, no, loving that and missy scribbling, missy scribbling, Hilton, is this point your point? You're going to make a related direct to that? Or because I take a music break and then maybe come back, So.

I think we break hidden.

Cool cool cool, Okay, Well, one of the key things that I've just taken from that is really ultimately our starting point has to be God first. So I'm going to play one of our favorites and probably the world's favorite as well, The Goodness of God by C. C.

Winans.

It's a fantastic song, fantastic song, and one of the key things that I really love about this song is where it's saying that you know, God is running after us, and I think sometimes we almost want to be I wo don't want to say I want to be caught by God to be able to say, actually, I can walk with him. He can take my hands and guide me through. Just what you've been saying there as well. So let's hear from c C. Goodness of God.

Lord, for your merging never fails me.

Oh, my DearS, I've been helding your head.

From the moment that I wait.

Until I live my head.

Oh, I will see.

Of the goodness of God, because.

All my life you have been faith, a normal life.

You have been so so.

With every breath that I am laidble.

Oh, why you will see of the goodness of God.

I love your boys.

You have led me through the fire.

In the darkest times.

You are close line.

No, I'm known you as a fire. I'm known you as a.

And I have lived in the goodness of God.

God.

It's all my life.

You have been faith.

Oh yeah, nor you have been so so.

Very man that I am made.

For See.

Then your goodness.

Is Bronni naugh.

It's pretty enough to me.

Your gownness is Brownie naw after its body enough to me with my eye lame now my surrender, Now I can't you have the.

God?

Your godness is Brannie enough, is party.

Enough to me?

Jure love money, I am all the miss crying out. It's running out with my life, lame house hiding you have you're the miss riding it's.

Running No my life. You have been faithful.

M hmm, nor my life.

You have been so so with the rebreath that I am madeble. I'm gonna say other somebody say.

To say, Okay, we're going to sing of the goodness of God. If you've just joined us. Hopefully you haven't just joined us, but if you have, you've missed a great conversation so far.

You're here on talking point.

We've been discussing about continue our discussion about relationships, but also how we can practically make our relationships better, help them to work what we can do, and we've had some gems great insight already from our panel this evening. But we'd love to hear from you if you've got any other comments or thoughts as well, So do in progress, so do emailers on studio at Adventist Radio dot London.

So I said, yeah, over to you to kind of then go over to Geraldine.

Right.

So here we were talking about the Jerlden. You made a point that if you were able to love and be kind and compassionate to a stranger, as we've been called to do, then certainly you are able to do that within the construct of a marriage and a relationship.

And I just wanted to poke a little bit as I tend to do and ask well, like me, so many.

Find it difficult more difficult to be compassionate and kind within the construct of a relationship when you've been called to move from individuals with your own individual taste, your own individual opinions, and merge into one.

That's where you might find the conflict coming. I like my room called he lights it hat do we go under the covers?

Do we not?

Do you drag it off me and put it on myself? So you know, the tough will begin that it's not just about the covers. That's a simple explanation, but it can bubble up to any other thing that we have to deal with as a couple.

So what's your answer to that?

And I think it maybe has to do with emotional intelligence and some other issues, but some other principles.

But what would be your rebuff to my question?

I think one of them would be not taking people for granted. I think with our loved ones, we tend to because we know them, because we know the insights out sometimes of them and what they will do, or we pre end what they do. I think then we end up taking people for granted.

Appreciation is one whereby you must be able to be willing to be self less, not selfish. Selflessness not selfishness. And I think consciously we tend to.

Talk to each other in derogatory tones because we know.

And we're comfortable and where you know, it's it's something that you should already know.

Or I like my tea heart, you like yours? Called what happened to compromisation? What happened to talk into one another?

Cas and I talk very well In actual fact, I must say this gu Darth and I talk for hours on the phone, talking, talking, talking, But in the talking we make sure that we emphasize on the positive qualities, try to bring them out from one another. You we are not the same as everybody, each person. God has made us unique. But we have to learn to compromise, to be patient within the presence of another that we love, to be appreciative of some of the things that we

We want it sanctified by God.

We want it where angels like to hear or sing or celebrate, because two people have joined together as one and God has unified them together.

But patience is important. Patients long sufferingness.

We talk about long sufferingness in Galatians are going to bring out the fruit of the spirit again because most of us are not long suffering.

But yet still the Bible inhibits us.

All or guides us to have these nine characteristics as art of our temperament.

Now, if Arthur and I aren't able to come to some.

Agreement, we either say and God can come in here, we either say we talk about it a little bit more and then we say, well, let's come back to another time of how we can talk about this in more detail, because of course, sometimes conversations may get heated and one may feel inhibited because of what the other.

One has said. But humility is very important in a marit or relationship.

Just because you are in the right, or you may think you're in the right, doesn't mean to say that you cannot be humble in the presence of another. And so when we talk about being stable in a relationship or grappling on the foundations of not taking each other for granted, here we're talking about being able to become more patient. Am I patient with the other person that I am with? Or because I'm with that person every day?

Adam blamed Eve and so it went on down the ages, and we're still blaming one another.

But how about taking responsibility for yourself? How about saying, Lord, what is it that I need?

To improve. How can I improve?

Please show me in your world, or please teach me via somebody else. I'll share this quickly now, my friends. When I was younger, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen or seven eight nine years older than me, because I wanted to learn what it is that I can do, I used to go to older people to ask them for wisdom and understanding in their own relationships.

Has it had any bearing on my life today?

Yes it has.

Do I have experiences in the relationship that I'm in with Buffy?

Yes I do.

Do I go back to God and ask, how can I speak a little bit better? How can I have this teachable spirit? How can I have a better listening understanding? And I'm saying this today, Let's try not to take each other for granted. If we if we spend more time encouraging one another and being able to build each other up, there'll be.

Less criticism, They'll be less hurt.

There'll be more patience, more understanding, more resilience. So that we complete one another, We are strengthened by one another. We uphold one another so that both of us can walk together. That's my favorite, one of my favorite scriptures.

Amus three to three.

Can it's a question, can to walk together except they be agreed they have do you have to come to an agreement, a compromisation along the line somewhere and say, well, you know what for I think the other day I said to God, you know, we were talking about something, and I felt that, you know, the way of the of how the conversation went, moved more and inclined to his his desire to see it happen, and I had to sit back to myself and I had to honestly,

I went again.

But I love that.

But it's interesting that you said the last bit there about actually we know the word, and that's I suppose in some ways, you know we've all been talking. There is something in the back of my mind that's saying, yeah, that's all well and good in theory, but it is a practical things.

What does that really look like?

And actually, as you said, sometimes we don't necessarily practically live out the word. You know, I know and I can speak it, but sometimes actions be way lader than words, and actions are probably going to make a big difference.

So that's yes, A really that's a really interesting point. Necessarily thought of it in that way, I'm Hillton.

Can I get your permission to talk to those things? And you could give me three minutes so I could be on point. First of all, I must say that Geraldine and God, they are the epitome of what everything that we're talking about, even we're training, so they can live that kind of life. It's very easy for you know, the psychologists and the therapists and the counselor and the teacher to have that kind of relating and relationship because

To have that?

And what type of spouse do you need to create that? And I'll just leand and end with this by saying that marriage don't you don't really fall into marriage. You don't walk into marriage. You don't stumbling, you know, stumbling to love. Love is actually a creation, or more better yet a core creation you created. And yes, there are lots of places that we are informed about love. And if you talk to the teacher God, you know, many teachers they teach didactically. They stand up in front and

As you were speaking there, I was just thinking, thank you for that, Hilton. I'm just kind of come to Zena and Shade as both of you fairly newly married in the sense of a couple of years. And I guess Shadow want to come to you because you've when you introduced yourself, you were saying that you'll be mad for a couple of years, and actually it's been going

Yeah, a lot of it resonated with me. I think more from a.

What's going to be further along the road in terms of like what is to come, like a lot of advice and a lot of like points that I can take and be like, okay when this arises then because I'm like Geraldine says, her and her husband pray and they're like, we'll deal with it.

We'll talk about this later. And it's something that me and my husband does.

Like even when we have a little disagreement, because we don't have massive arguments like I would have would have had it in the past. More because I now understand my role because I'm very strong minded, very very vocal.

You know, he is not quite so vocal, but he's quite strong, but not so vocal.

So me understanding my role that has minimized the way we interact on a conflict level doesn't make sense. But sometimes we're upset with each other, I'm just like, I'm not going to talk, and he'll be like, right, that's it. We're praying, come, let's go so and I'm just like, oh God, I'm just like, okay, let's I'm not going to say I'm not going to pray. So we're praying, and you will start talking to God and you like, Lord, please help me and my wife to understand each other,

And what I mean, like, it's easy.

I mean a lot of all my other relationships, well it's not that many, but my my my previous relationships, I always found.

That because I didn't really know.

Who the other person was, we had a lot of uncomfortable silences. So it was when I started to understand what I wanted because I feel like what my last relationship before I got married, I felt like I was going down a rabbit hole of trying to be what the other person wanted me to be in opposed to what God designed me to be and who I needed to be in my relationship. I found that in retrospect, I was losing myself a little because I was always compromising on what they wanted to do and it wasn't

Then I was like, what does God want me to be?

That was my first question to myself because I was just like, I don't understand why I'm doing it. I don't understand I keep choosing situations that I'm not healthy, that I'm not good, that mentally have been in a bad place.

So what does God want?

What do I need to be?

I spoke to some of my older mother.

Figures and they gave me a lot of good advice to be like, figure out what God has purposed for you. And when I spoke about understanding my role, I then started to understand, Okay, this is who I'm meant to be in my relationship and then I when I was having conversations with me, but I threw the hard questions out because I was just like, okay, but what do you think about marriage?

How are we gonna? I'm gonna pray with the children? Are we gonna?

So like we had to have these hard comms stations at the beginning. So when I'm like, it's easy, it's easy in the in the sense that because I knew why I wanted and where I was going myself, then I picked the right person, if.

That makes sense.

So now we have the silences where like we're together in a room and we don't have to talk, or we don't have to fill it with a date, or we don't have to fill it with something to do, you know, because we're comfortable.

In this space, you know where my other relationships were hard because I'm just like, Okay, we haven't talked in ten minutes. I need to say something, do you know what I mean? If that makes sense. So and we understand we've been friends for a long time.

It's weird because again, friendship is very important in your relationship because the honeymoon greer is going to die off eventually and then you're going to have to communicate, not with the butterflies and stuff, but as two individuals trying to come together. So having very similar likes and we're very opposite. I'm very if you meet us in like, I don't know if you notice aatistics where he's very.

Quite doesn't really where I'm just like, yeah, so, but I had.

To understand that even in silence, he's saying a lot and I had to understand that, you know what I mean. So I'm like, when we have conflict, I'm like, we need to talk about this, and he's like, I need just he needs to go over it in his head and when he.

Comes back, he comes up with very profound solutions.

But I'm just like that I needed hearing our where He's like, so, I guess it's compassion, it's understanding each other. It's and that's why I say it's easy because I'm in this new I'm in this marriage understanding my role and understanding how to communicate instead of just being what the other person wanted you to be, because that makes sense. But I understand what God like, I understand the descience

Be for me as well. So that's what I'm meant by it's easy.

Yeah, And I think it it's key what you're saying there as well, because we talked a little bit about how we started by talking about how we work on ourselves, and I think it is that balance between you know, your own personal development and your own growth, and then that impacting the way in which you are having your

Can I also say something as well, I'm so sorry what I did want to say when I talk to the older people in our community, the people that commented the saloon, the people at church, people that are me, just all the folks that I'm married for for fifty years. Whatever they do advise me. And I started reading the Bible. It's right in there, so that's what I mean, like it's there. But my generation, the younger generation, is just like, we.

Don't want to read.

I listened to a lot of podcasts. I listen to a lot of books and stuff, but you have to read it for yourself. But it doesn't resonate. You should think that this older persons just say that, and that's not really that. It goes, well, we're coming from reject They're coming from a generation where they read the Bible and they have the old school template.

But it's still the present day template.

It's just we have to figure out how it works for us in this generation because every single piece of advice I've gone, I've read it in the Bible at some point. Do you understand because it is there. God has given us the template. We go back to creation, We go back to dunderneath what was the world.

Adam had his purpose.

You can't be with a man who doesn't know his purpose. Then you're now acting in your masculine energy and you're leading, and he's uncomfortable, and there's a lot of conflict because.

No one knows what they're doing.

So it's about us as individuals going back and having a partner that is happy to walk with you. And we might be on different levels when it comes to or spiritual growth and or relationship with God, but we're both walking along the same path. And it's about us going back because right now we're reading the Adventuge of great book.

I read it a couple of years ago, but I read it.

With like.

Blinkers on my eyes, if that makes sense. Now I'm reading it with a different mindset. I'm in the marriage, so I'm trying to understand it a bit better, and this book has a lot of insight into you know. But she's again, it's biblical principle, so once you go back to the Bible, she's just making it very practical and even in today, the twenty first century, it's applicable.

What you want.

But if you don't know what you want, then you can't communicate that and you end up and then you end up in somewhere that you're being pulled further away from.

God like I was, and you lose yourself as well.

You know.

I just want to add, I just want to add another reality in terms of counseling, in terms of getting help. While yes, there is a great responsibility for us as individuals to develop to know or purpose, have a goal and so on, we're not perfect and sometimes we may hit a ditch, we may something might hit us, and we have to also train our minds to accept help, to accept that hey, I cannot do it by myself.

And I'm not talking about help from our a.

Friend or the friend or the wife or husband, but I'm talking about special specialized persons, counselors.

Sometimes our bodies is linked with the mind. The physical is linked with.

The mind, and sometimes we have to actually take not just food which will have nutrients to stimulate certain parts of the body and the mind to behave a particular way. But sometimes an emergency, like we have to go and do an emergency operation. We may have to take a tablet, we may have to take an injection and then you know.

To straight mess up and then to be schooled or trained or retrained by a professional.

Coaches, etc.

So it is important for us to know that sometimes we have to take our cut the right mechanic or the riety lecture sham or the right person to give us the heir that we may not even realize we need.

Okay, love that love that I think, sorry, go ahead, go ahead.

No, I heard what you're saying. And in terms of me being in a very.

Young marriage, I felt very protective of it like that I'm still trying to figure out.

What it is, what it means, how we're going to get through this.

And what I find is that there's a lot of noise out there, there's a lot of information, there's a lot of detail. So my advice would be even to start with prayer and making sure that your spirit led, because I would say to say, you know what, Yes, our elders know what our elders have are working off their own traumas, their own experiences. So you may go to the wrong person, Yes, nelder may be an elder, but still not wise or not the person that should

We need to know where we are going for the information.

What information we're needing to seek, so that we can choose the right people to speak into our lives and the right materials to read, the right.

Places to go.

Even in terms of counselors, there are several counselors out there, but which one is for you?

Which one will be the right choice for you and your partner, your your your husband or why? So that's where I am. I think that.

Jolden you said it. You said it best in terms of amos. Lest we agree, we're not going anywhere.

So that's that's first and foremost. And love is a fantastic word for Hilton.

You you hinted to it, you said it's it's just a word unless we we make practical unless we seek to do things that will enhance the relationship. That's what I'm finding most about marriage. Yes, I love him, WHOA Yeah, we love each other. I made a decision to.

Go down the aisle with him.

But here comes the work, Here comes the effort, Here comes the things that we need to do practically, And.

Yes, I know it, but can we do it? Can we set aside that night for date night? It's hard to do.

We've been pulled in several directions. Do I set aside that time for counseling?

It's hard to do. Where do we find the finances?

It's all that stuff that we know. Yes, it's good to do, but do we really do it? Can we find the time to do it? And how we agreed that this is what we need to do?

And I think for me, prayer is probably the easiest, the best way to start.

You don't need any finances, Thank God, we don't need anything to fall on our knees.

And approach Him in prayer. We don't need any money, We don't need, you know, So we just go go.

We can go together. I love what Saturday says. You know, I think that's a bit of a cheat. But he pulls her aside in the middle of the argument.

And what a way to diffuse it. Let's pray and let's just get closer to God. With God in it. How can you be arguing? How can you be upset and Hilton. You mentioned three.

Essays and I thought you were going to mention a fourth, but I'll leave it there in terms of what's involved in marriage, because these are all things that you've.

Got to work on. You've got to.

It's work, and I think Prento said it best. Yeah, it's work. It's forget the magic and all the stuff you see on TikTok and all that kind of business. And that's something we need to say as well. We're coming back next week and we're going to be speaking to our young people. Said, hey, maybe you want to come back on the show if you're available, but we're going to be speaking to the young people and finding out if they see it how we've seen it, gen

M Yeah, exactly, So they're there, I mean perhaps not Biblically. Are the roles changing in terms of who and what and what are we doing together?

And is the man still needing to lead or the women now leading because of the absence of strong men our Oh dear colleagues, come on, and I think that's where the conversation went last time.

So, yeah, what has changed? What do our young people see is different?

And where do we find the environment that we can foster these things that we need to do, the skills that we need to have, and maybe.

The church is a place to start.

The conversations need to be had, and thankfully that's what talking point is about, having the conversations that we don't necessarily have on a Sabbath afternoon or a Sabbath morning, where our young people can learn or anybody to understand dynamics of a relationship and making us stronger. As a mouthful, but I think that's my final word for the evening.

And I don't know.

As he's about to leave, he said, you want to share before.

Okay, yes, certainly you're saying you were about to leave us. There any final words of wisdom that you'd like to leave us with actually.

Going to click the leief button. I just couldn't thinking. I think the one thing that comes to my mind, along with the fact that God should be the central part of our relationship, I think what is most important is to recognize that how we treat each other is significant. It is not necessarily how beautiful you are, how much

Thank you, thank you.

Okay, And as he said that, I was kind of what I kind of wanted to know is well, I guess we're coming to the end of our show we've had and I'm saying the end.

This is never the end. We've got Part two, Part three. I'm sure we.

Could do on this one because there's a lot of that's been coming out, but I guess, And instead you were still talking there and Charlie was saying, in terms of you know, getting advice and inform, there is a lot of things out there, so I'm curious to know and we can chime in here what's kind of the best advice that you've been given and how has that been helpful in your relationships? And I guess also we've talked about some really practical things that we can do.

I think all what you have said, what we have said, you know, we just after remember and.

Are prior in our daily life.

How can we make and how can we as individuals make a contribution to healthy relationship by being Christian what we know Christian? Or to be as was said in our daily life a long time? You know, Adventists used to be the people of the book, people of talk, people of the work, all right, so that when you see an Adventist coming down, you could tell, hey, that person looks like an Adventist because of their walk and talk and their mannerisms.

You know, we as.

People of influence, we need to remember that when we leave home after devotion. After time with God and the family, you also have time with the people that you meet so that yes.

They are cultious.

Like I've been to UK and I came with my adventist smile and my Adventist high and my blessings and the people either not a custom or they just don't business, they don't care. Right, it happens, but there would be someone, There would be some body in.

Your walk during a day or the day that you would have just.

Continued to keep that spirit and they would have either esteem or they would have either.

Met that spirit to influence them.

Into having a healthy relationship because they saw something in me, they saw something in you.

And I think if with this time.

Type of relationship that we are having online now and we are re establishing certain values and we are start establishing certain practices, I can tell that our future would be a better one socially, spiritually and in terms of building healthy relationships.

So we just have to keep practicing it every day.

For example, we know for a fact every day we're supposed to half time with God, half time.

With the Spirit.

And if we don't do that, we if we've been practicing it and we don't do it, we feel a how you know something is missing.

I miss something today.

I'm missing today, you know, I miss that thought, that blessing today.

And I think, you know, in my experience with Geraldine, you know, we've both came together there with that ministry as it would she had her own ministry, I had my ministry. We came together and we tie them up as it would budge them together, you know, so that God could use them and use us, you know, for his glory and his honor, so that we just continue to team up as we have this what we call it the web.

We just have to web up.

Across disease, across the states with one another, touching base with one another to help one another, and individually we will definitely be developing healthy relationships.

So thank you for that. Okay, any other thoughts, any advice, Shannon.

Yes, when we grow into a really as we grow a relationship, you need to nurture it and so on. But as the years pilon, oftentimes we get complacent.

And weary of investing and and even distracted.

You may see someone else or someone else.

Is you know, pining after you.

But is to keep the priority in focus what is important to you and what you're investing in so that those blessings that.

That God as.

That will come to you and that will keep coming as a result.

Of doing the right thing. The other thing is to keep dreaming.

Or not just yourself, but for the other special person. Include them in your life, in the mission, in whatever you're working at, because if you're going to have a help meet, then they need to be helping you to be doing stuff. You know, you're working towards something together, You're doing life together.

So keep having those dreams or.

Those missions being by including them in those for example, you're building a house, for example, let them know what you know, what you're doing so that they can support you in that, not be selfish, you know, and ask the right questions how does this make you feel? Or reflecting on what has happened. If you've had a quarrel, you talk about it. Maybe it's not right. How when it's heated, But after a couple of hours, you guys come together, Okay.

We need to talk what happen here? How can I do this better?

Or could you do this better?

It caused me to do this? I don't know what's wrong?

You know?

So and as we apply, as we uh.

The play Bible, apply Bible, then it will become like their cold nature.

So yeah, okay, Lovely.

Had something.

Okay, Well, practically three things I would say, and I think they've been said already in a roundabout way and in a direct way.

At Christ centeredness, you must have that relationship with God.

If you connect ventrically, then you can collect connect horizontally commitment and communication.

But how do I do these things?

Charlat and her husband gave a good practical.

Advice on the platform this evening, and they are actually reading the adventures for reading and discussing is one of the beautiful ways that you can understand yourself and your spouse as well as being able to apply those principles in practice.

And I think when you share it, when you're sharing.

Together, it allows you to open up a little bit more of an understanding of what one another likes, how each other can grow, and how you can improve. But two things that come to mind are intentionality and being purposeful in your desire to grow together as a couple. Data and I are not married yet. We are marrying in the summer by the grace of God. So we solicit your prayers. But one of the things I will say is our human tendency is to be selfish. And I think, as the Bible says, we are born in

Well, if you ask, you might get a free right.

But and I.

We do.

Give relationship counseling, and we've been doing so for many years, in fact, separately and collectively together now. And I'm not the person who will say just give me your money. No, no, no, because I counsel every day people ring. I counsel every day, and so if people need counseling, we are free to give. You know, freely have received the word of process, freely give. And I think the last thing I will say is.

I believe in. We believe in.

Should I say because we often talk about it husband and wife ministry, and if you're struggling in your marriage or your relationship, it may be that there is a loose connection somewhere where you just need to find what ministry God has for you as a couple, because it really will enhance and improve on the practicality of your relationship. And that's something that we do. We're passionate about it and we will help you find your ministry.

Okay, call us let.

Us know or in that respect, but God is love and we are faced with challenges each and every day. One of the things I will say, prayer is powerful in your couple relationship. It is a powerful source. And whatever you feel that God cannot do, he says, I am the possible God. Impossible, you know, He transcends across time and space, which means to me that there's nothing that God cannot do. And that's the encouragement. I want to leave this evening for everybody that's trying and failing

He can do anything. You just have to learn to trust him. Be built on the rock of cheese.

Can I just pick your bag off for that? Yeah, Petri, Oh real quick, I know we're running out of time. First of all, I want to say when I was talking earlier about like therapists and everything, I'm not saying we don't listen to them. I'm saying we just don't only listen to them like you listen to them and life. You have to combine it. We have a tendency to go one way or the other. That was my first

Oh love you, thank you.

Just had We've got collection is just joined the platform, and I know you've had a lot on so collechly, welcome, hope you're doing well. It was just really there, We're just coming to the end of wrapping up the show.

Hi, evening everyone.

For me, it was from a gentleman years ago and he said to me in your single and he said to me, you need to invest in your relationship bank. And I said, what do you mean by that? He said, if there's a seminar on relationships attended, if there's a book to read, read it and gave as much information with her from those who are married or whatever. Just

And dad argue.

We've never heard my dad speak to my mam a certain way it's always been, you know, mutual respect between them and the love and what they've shown us is beautiful. So for me, that's how I look at you know, what you would gather together for your own self and anything to do with self improvement. You gotta get on it because you I could be a very stubborn person,

A lot of people use that.

It sounds good, but when you're in the midst of the magnets, there's no prayer.

You don't want to pray, you know, but but.

It is the key.

It is the key. Pray.

And then I think someone said earlier, it's no good praying and then not acting upon what you've prayed about. Understand, you have to have Hebrews eleven in you. Understand. You have to have that faith, that trust. Even today, someone will saying to me, are you still single? Why are you single? Maybe you're the problem? Are you just to

I was engaged at one point and.

The lady, the lady, she was a little argumentative of certain things. And then one day the Holy Spirit said to me, if you know better, do better. So she was wrong about something, but I took it on me as as and I went there and I said, listen, I want to apologize to you. Seems that I've upset to you and it was.

Not my intention.

And it was about an hourly and she came to me. She got, oh, no, collect you. I want to apologize. I was wrong, And in that moment I realized that sometimes you just need to take that that that that the humble road and to help the other person, because you know you're with someone it's not that they hate, it's just that something said that they disliked. And it felt like you were attacking. And no one, none of

Thank you appreciate that, Thank you very much. Shall go your hand, And I think that's maybe the last the last point.

And then I just got like some advice quickly in my first a bit of advice.

Would we always pray, Yeah, but like individually and together as a couple as well. And patience. I had to learn patience. I had to learn if we're having a disagreement and he doesn't want to respond straight away, I have to give him the time and the space to do that because I'm just I want to talk now, and he's like he needs time to process what's going on.

He was like, he said to me one time, listen.

People listen to react, but you have to listen to understand. Do you know so it's not about just thinking that someone's always attacking you, like let you said, and being defensive, but listen and really trying to understand what the other person is saying, because how are we going to know if we're not listening. And it's a human nature to be defensive, it's human nature to want to protect yourself.

But you have to listen in order to then come back and work through whatever you're going through. So I would say, pray, patience and listen so understand.

Not to yet deflue.

And that's a wonderful point to end on. Oh, we've come to the end of our show. We've got a little bit longer because you've got the time and there was just so much to.

Listen to.

The insights have been fantastic, So I want to thank everybody who's been on our panel today. Really appreciate your time and definitely you know, your insights into how we can make our relationships better.

I have been scribbling in my notebook.

There's been lots of key things here, so I'm going to go away and kind of, you know, unpack a lot of that as well for myself. But ultimately, you know, relationships can be successful. You know, we've heard about you know, and shadow you mentioned earlier, you know, sort of meeting a couple of being mad for something like seventy years. I think that is when you hear those kind of numbers, it's just amazing, you know, And they may have seen so much, gone through so much, and there's so much

Oh? Great pleasure, Thank you? Okay, all right, let's.

Pray merciful Father in heaven. We just want to thank you, because Father, you're the one that put it in our hearts to have these discussions.

Father.

Many times we choose someone who we believe is our life partners and Father, the sad reality is that we chose and we didn't consult to you.

Father.

I'm praying for all the information, for all the insight given today, Father, that many will go away.

Father, even those.

Who will hear the podcast will go away, and Father be benefited by the information.

That they receive.

Father, we recognize that you are a God of love and you intend for us to have beautiful relationships. Father that will be a beacon to the world that they may know that we serve a living God. Father, bless us and keep us and help us to not just to be hearers, but to be doers of what we've heard tonight. Thank you for the hosts, continue to bless, to keep and to watch over her to grant her

What you would have them to be.

So help us as we strive daily that hope that glory which is nice in us, the hope of glory will shine through and we will be the better individual as we await your second coming.

Thank you again for podcast. Bless and guide and keep us. We pray in your mighty name.

Amen, Amen, Amen, Thank you once again, Thank you everybody for joining us. Next week we'll be continuing this discussion as any did mention earlier. We'll be talking to some younger people and I'd say that in the sense of, you know, we've noticed a lot of differences within our generations, so we'll hopefully have more discussions on how we can

Thank you and good night. It's been talking point and thank you for joining us. Adventist Radio London. Inspiration for the song