Hi, I'm Kristin Davis, and I want to know, are you a Charlotte? Is this very exciting because I have the Oliver Hudson here with me important.
Thank you for coming. It's so exciting, so exciting.
We're gonna we rewatched one oh seven, which is called The Monogamous, And I'm so happy that you're here because you are a straight guy who's been married a long time and you can shed some light. Okay, can we need some help understanding?
Eighteen years impressive?
Got together twenty three or twenty four?
Unbelievable, So I cannot wait to hear. But I also want to just say, in case our viewers might not necessarily know viewers, listeners.
Whichever we call them guests, you were on and just like that, I was.
And so part of the reason that I love Oliver and want who to be here is because he played a very very cool character on.
It, just like that he had.
I was not there, yeah, which I'm kind of glad and kind of not.
I know, you know, to experience with an intimacy coordinator.
No way, And what did you think?
I loved it? Honestly, I really did. I really like intimacy things really easy, Yeah, and really great. Yeah, and you know I was game for anything. You just tell me what to do, you know, because I'm the guest star here. Whenever you're comfortable with, I'm comfortable. It was it was great. I've never done that. I'd had a lot of sex scenes in my life. We're kind of just all.
Right, just go in wacky right how it used to be.
It's all worked out. But to have it mapped out and planned out.
Just because there were three of you there, it kind of needed to be.
And it's funny because the next episode is about threesomes in the original real series Sex City of the original season. Yeah, so what what a weird you know co instence and it's still being you know played out. Thres a very interesting thing, but ours is not about that. But anyway, intimacy coordinators, I've had good end bad since this new dawning of the intimacy coordinator.
That bad, I have had bad.
I mean it was one of my first times with one, and I think that's part of it, is like you just for us who've been around a long time, it was just they'd say which little tiny thing would you like to wear? And then you know, get in bed yes, and you know, let's get rid of.
The extra crew.
And that was about it, you know, and hopefully you were in tune with your co star. That's what it was about, and the director, but mostly your co star, like an agreement and like you feel comfortable and kind of like I think, caring about the other one for both sides, men and women, right, So it was about that. But I did this indie and it was a very very chaotic set. I'm not going to say what it was. I mean a set where you couldn't trust anything going
right or properly professionally or whatever. And this woman who was the intimacy coordinator had been a dancer, so she would be like she was working with another actor who I love very much, who's also a vet and totally trustworthy, like so protective and amazing. She would say, okay, so you're gonna kiss three four and then you're gonna we were like, what, like what I.
Mean, all the spontaneity out of it.
Listen, I wanted to kiss this person. No, no, no offense to anyone might be listening. But I mean I was like, you can go, like I got totally totally. But the thing that was great, and he also was super you know, professional and whatnot.
And it all worked out.
But the thing that we have learned with and just like that, because we have a lovely uh intimacy coordinator, it's more.
About like she'll say, what are you worried about? What are you nervous about?
And I'll watch the monitors and make sure that's not happening. So it's like another set of eyes for you.
Yeah, it was great. I mean she was, okay, how do you feel about putting your hand here and doing this? And and you know, I made a move and Soda was like not cool with it, you know, totally sweet, but it was sort of triggered them and I was like, oh this is this is okay whatever, And that's when I became completely submissive like a dog. I was on my back with my feet and hands up.
I think that was the right way to go. I think that was the right way to go.
Also, Michael Patrick has a lot of ideas. Yes, and you know, you got to roll with whatever it is, you know. I mean I've learned, I've learned my lessons over the years. Do not object and just find a way that you're.
Going to be comfortable so it can be great. But back in this day, we didn't have such things. No, we did not.
And the thing that I really love, I mean, there's so many amazing things. And as we were saying earlier, I need to know, did you watch this back in the day, Like, what's your history with the show?
So my history with the show is that everyone talked about it. It was the show to watch at the time. You know, it was a show for women, honestly, and you know, my friend Alex actually was obsessed with the show, okay, and we were like, what this is not demographic, I don't understand.
Right ahead of his tem it was.
And you know, so I never really got into watching the show. Later on, I watched a couple but it was not it was not something that I got into. Now. At the time, I was not as much as into TV as I am now.
Okay, you know, it was a different time.
It was a different time. He was waiting every week to watch the television show.
Every week he had to be there when it was happening. Yeah, yeah, nine o'clock Sunday night.
I will say in watching this episode last night, uh, first of all, so far ahead of its time, as far as how it was written, you know, how comfortable everyone was in saying in saying those things, and how it's just a pure reflection that we haven't ever seen before with four women who are being intimate with each other and saying that, I want to say, we had never really seen anything like that.
I know.
It's funny to think about because it's now, I feel like, and that's one of the things that I love about talking about it now is to see what's changed and what hasn't. Because some things have changed, some things have not changed, right, And one thing that I do think has changed is that people talk much more freely about sex and relationships. Yes, and I think partly because of
social media, we have ways to talk about it. And also like people go on red carpets like pretty much naked now, you know, and this was not the case back then.
No, no, not at all.
So it was that and it was so good.
Thank you, It's so good.
I was with my wife watching last night and I was like, I think I might start this now. You know this many years, you know, ahead of time. You know. It was just it's so good. It's good. The case so on point, and it's only seven episodes in so it can only get better and better.
I know for sure it gets better because in my mind, as I was telling you, I always thought that the first season was just like kind of a wash, Like I just thought it was a mess.
We didn't know what we were doing. We were all over the place.
I remember Darren saying to us at different times, like, you guys have to be really funny, Like are really funny? He was like, get his hands all agitated.
And we'd be like, uh, but are you is there more jokes or you just want us to make what's there for you? Like what do you mean?
And then sometimes he'd come down from upstairs. We were shooting a Silver Cup in New York at the time.
He'd come down. He'd be like everyone has to be sexier, you have to be a sexier and I'd.
Be like me, me, are you sure, because I don't now it gets well.
I mean, Charlotte does some stuff that literally I had not remembered, Like I'm like, what what what? What what?
Because they were trying to figure her out, right, and so like on the one hand, she's saying I want to get married, I want to get married, But on the other hand, she's doing a lot of She's pretty game, like more so than I remember. You know, yeah, it's interesting.
Your guys can were you Was it immediate your chemistry.
Yeah, we never even read together. We didn't have a chemistry reader.
But you guys got together. It was like bang.
Yeah, it was pretty much bang. And it was also I think it was a couple things. Number One, everyone was so excited, like it was such an odd and unusual thing at the time. Like I remember when I had gotten because I knew Darren from Melroy's place, and he had sent me the script. And I've said this
many times. Sorry for anyone I'm repeating it. He'd sent me the script when Sara Jessica had been unsure for Carrie, and I was like, I can't pull carry off because Carie was much more like Kennis Bushnell, the original columnist, right, a little boulder smoked, swore a lot, very like more like Samantha in a certain way. And I very clearly was like, no, no, no, I need to be that other one, that Charlotte one that doesn't do a lot.
I need to be her because she's more I relate to her because I grew up in the South, So I think that really informed Charlotte, even though she's not technically Southern. But it was so crazy to think of four women without lead men Like Big was present, but it wasn't clear that he was going to be this you know, really really huge through line for her. It was just maybe going to be a season or you know, who knows, right, like they they had to kind of make that up once they off in the way that
we did. So it was really just just the four of us in Sara Jessica, and there was nothing like it at all, and the idea that four women could lead a show that wasn't a soap opera, Like, yes, it was about relationships and sex, but it was also funny, and it was also shocking and brave in a way, brash and brave, you know.
Back then that part was so thrilling that I think all of us were just like, you know, we didn't even know each other at all.
So when I talk to each everyone, you know, they tell me stuff that I didn't know about their beginning on the show, which is so interesting.
No, I know, well even watching it, just talking about the time that it was it was made. When the guy that you were with is trying to push you down, like give him a blow, right, I mean the in nineteen ninety what six or seven? You know, it was funny and it was sort of strangely relatable. Well not to me.
I was a young I was a young man.
But what I'm saying, you could you can't do that now right with context in the tone that it was done then, right, it would be like, whoa wait a minute, this is when I did find your power. And you're like, definitely, gone right, But but it happens a lot the minute he did it in the first scene, right, I'm like, oh, well, she's.
Gone right, I know. Right, I'm like, oh my god.
And then it's like I love you, I love her.
It was like a right, you know, right, But I also remember and of course this is I'm going to regret this, but I mean it's not the first time that it had happened to me, of course.
But it's also crazy to think about the.
Beauty of it. But you're touching upon, you know, the relatability of what women are deal with on a daily basis. Yeah, you know what I mean, that's the relatable part. Yes, and even for guys, it's shameful relatability. Potentially right.
So let me just say, from a perspective of understanding the societal you know, pressures and whatever, I don't think anyone was telling you guys that that was not cool.
No, of course not So I don't blame everybody kind of I don't know. I mean, what do you think.
I honestly, and I've had my share of women, I have never in my life even come close to doing anything like that because it's not my nature.
There's a respect there, I guess, or it's like it's.
Almost leaves me speechless. It's beyond the way I can even think.
Because I want someone to be doing that. It's not exciting to.
Make sex life even right now with my wife, you know, by the way, twenty five years together, sex is still like unbelievably incredible.
Wow.
It goes from like eighteen times a day when you're young, but it's deeper and deeper and deeper as you get older and once. I think, especially for the man. And I've done a lot of work on myself. I've been to the Hoffman Institute to deal with my own I mean, I've done some stuff. Vulnerability for men just generally is difficult, right, Vulnerability with your significant other is even more difficult to be able to sort of even say the nice things.
And for me, it was hard to even look at Aaron and say, I just want to tell you right now, I'm solicited that I love you and like I'm so just lucky that you're in my life. It was to say something like that makes me want to like hide. That's the feeling of like, oh my god, it's cringe worthy for me because it's so vulnerable, right. I did a lot of work on myself with that. I was able to be more open and it changed the game.
First amazing what happens is is for men, A little note to men is yes, we get when we are open and vulnerable like that. There's a safety that comes from her, from Aaron, let's just say now, right, which allows her to be more open and connected with sex. It's been a million years, so new doors are open, not just from like a dirty standpoint, which is always fun, but just from a intimately intimate connected place where we would have sex and be like, oh my god, like what is that.
That's amazing? That's the best kind.
Oh it really is, yeah, it really really Oh yeah, oh yeah. So I went off on a bit.
Of I know, but it is so good because like, one of the things I want to ask you about is a male perspective of Big here because in this episode, which is super interesting to look back on because Charlotte was always pro Big, but I'm looking back on this early season and being like, eh oh, because Carrie is
very connected and very open. We start the beginning of the episode and she's saying, like, you know, we're in the middle of New York, seven million people, and it's that great shot where you know, real New Yorkers are walking acward the camera. It's so cool and it looks so seventies.
Yeah, now to our eyes now in twenty five right close right, all of the cars everything.
Yeah, So they're they're like so united and within this crowd, and she's obviously, you know, over the moon into it, and we assume he is too, and they're spending all their time together to the point where she hasn't seen the girlfriends at all, and we think she's, you know, falling off the cliff or whatever. And then cut to he says he has a work dinner, and yes, and we go out to dinner with her because she says, oh yeah, Big has a work dinner tonight, A work
thing tonight, you know, let's go out to dinner. We go out to dinner, and we see him in the corner having dinner with another woman, which I'm just like, he should have been out.
Then, like, oh, what the heck?
Like just because to me, I would feel that they were not in sync. That if I was in that relationship and I thought we were over the moon, not even talking to our friend's level of connected and then he's gone out with another woman.
What the heck? Boo out the door? I guess, what do you think?
Well, so here's the show specifically, Yes, he said he had a work dinner, so right, a work.
Thing, I think dinner.
Yeah, there's a lie lie there. Okay, take that away just for a second later on in the not later on. But I love the way that that scene was handled. And it's funny you're asking me about this because I took note of it where he wasn't caught. He didn't play it like he was caught, which is that an actor, by the way, But he didn't play like.
He was that's a good point.
He's like, oh, hey, maybe a little uncomfortable, but hey, this is Bonnie or whatever her name is ew But and I just had this conversation with a friend in real life? Was there an established there was no situation, and there wasn't here was where it's like, are we boyfriend girlfriend? Are we committed? And so you can't just
assume that one is committed and the other isn't. Even if you're getting the committed vibes, you still have to have the conversation for sure, but you just talk emotionally.
Yes, I agree with you, but emotionally it would really hurt me to think that we were not on the same level, Like when she goes, oh, I didn't realize I was in these feelings by myself, Like that's an upsetting feeling.
Sure, but then you have to take into account the reasons why he might not be Why why might not be? Well, there could be a psychological thing, there could be something like he's been burned before, he's been hurt before, his parents have divorced, he's a noncommittal person, he's feeling loved women.
Okay, okay, okay, but let's say that those Okay. He's a grown up, right, he's not twenty five, he's not thirty.
He's a grown up.
Okay, So she is obviously open to this in a way.
That he seems like he might not be. It's unclear.
It's unclear right Like, when I'm watching it back, I'm thinking myself, Big is sending her so many mixed messages, like kind of from the get go, you know, and she just hangs in and you know, tries to figure you're it out and she goes out with Miranda and she's overthinking it.
But like, I completely relate to that.
She's like, maybe you know when he said I missed you, babe, because then he calls her from his silly car moment, which is so adorable, and he says like, I missed you babe. This is right after she's seen him on the day with the other woman. Like, that's very mixed messages and confusing.
He's a manipulative Yeah, but maybe he Do you think he really missed her?
Yes?
I do.
But then I'm like, why did you go on that date? And why didn't you tell her? But this is my question that I did because we.
Weren't committed, I know, but we never had the conversation Like I'm how do I know what? I don't know what you're doing? You know, maybe I have a fear that you know you're doing other things too.
Okay, okay, let me ask you this about psychology and the psycho, but let me ask you about the psychology of it, okay, because you don't know what.
I get it.
I get it, and listen, I am like number one annoyingly understanding of people's psychology. But at a certain point you cannot do their work for them, and so you need to know are they going to do any work on this or are they not sure?
And is this just the way it's going to be?
Well, yes, once you get deeper into a relationship, yeah, but in the beginning stages when we're watching, it's still a feel out process, meaning yes, they're to get there together and there's feeling things. But it stated in the show, we were not we never had that conversation.
Yeah, but if you spent like.
Eight days, I believe she says she hadn't seen us in eight days the friends. If you spent eight days hold up with a woman in your single past, would you not kind of feel like that was important?
Oh? God, that just depends so much on the experience with those eight days.
Are what if it was amazing? Well, for her she feels it's amazing thing.
I would definitely when you're going down the path and you're starting to feel things and you're having some jealousies or you're like, where are we, I would never assume that that other person is right on the same page, even if they're showing it, because we don't know why they're wait. I would rather have the conversation of hey, I'm feeling you. I don't want to be with anyone else. I'm not putting any pressure on you, but I admit this. I'm in this position now where I don't want to
be with you if you are seeing other people. So we need to have this conversation, right, But.
I don't feel like men hardly ever bring that conversation up.
No, No, I mean I guess not right.
Right, I know they just wait for us. It's like a lot of pressure.
Of course. Yes, wait, I wait too, you know. I mean I've had three women in my life who have loved my high school sweetheart, who I still have so much love for, my girlfriend Vanessa for three years, and then my wife and I've never dated anyone else two weeks, two months, six months. Never it was either, wow, let's have a good time, or were I'm feeling something and it was hard for me to feel something because I was very particular.
Okay, but I'm so glad it worked out, did all three?
All three amazing. I never said I love you first. I made them say it because I was too scared. I was too scared. I didn't want to get rejected. I was too worried.
Let me ask.
I would say stuff like this, like you know you love me, right, And I was like, what do you mean. I'm like, you love me? And they're like I love you, and like good.
Not only would you not say it first, you would write them first.
Woah, well, good for them, Okay, good for this.
Too scared, but that's kind of adorable. I used adorable as a way to get or needed yeah.
Or needed right because I wanted to say it, but I didn't say it, and like, oh, that's so cute, thank you, and then I'm gone.
So let me ask you this about Big, because you're a guy, and maybe you can understand this better than me. Because I look back on it, and again, I think at the time these thoughts never entered my mind.
I was pro Big, and I just think that's because we were used to this stuff, do you know what I mean?
Like aloof confusing men were completely normal, right, you know, right, and we just had to figure out how to be with it, right, Like we had to adjust, yeah, you know, which is what I see Carrie doing.
Right, Like, but she does decide to tell them again.
Oh sh as we know she will do that for years.
Yes, but I also think that if he had a wife, or if he was in a real committed relationship with someone else, you know that she would never do that.
No, no, no, it's confusing.
It's not clearly no, right because like even the thing that I think is so interesting performance wise is so and obviously we're skipping over many things, but the thing that it's interesting to look at the beginning. Then he calls her. Then she's spinning around trying to make sense of what he said. Then she goes to this party with Justin Throw, who we will get to in a second, and then she says to him, you know, come meet
me here. He's putting his arms around me like she does her own kind of like I'm going to play my game back right, which I totally understand. And then he does come, but they're the wrong place she's in the front, or she thinks she's in the front. He thinks he's in the front, which is so beautifully written.
Right, and then he's like I was here. What do you want?
Which is a lot like the last episode two which we didn't make you rewatch. But he waits in front of the bar and she thinks he's not there. Like they have a lot of these kind of missed things, which I think is so real to life, you know, like it's so close that everyone's trying, but.
It seems you're so confused, like did they try? Did they not try? He tried? Did they not try? Am I trying? Am I doing all the work?
You know?
It's confusing but beautifully written. So he comes and he's like, I was over here waiting in the dark. She's like I'm over here and then she basically looks at him with those eyes, which I'm just like, how could anyone say no to her?
Right? And she says I just want.
To stand still with you, and then he kind of doesn't answer, but then he puts his arm around her and they look up at the moon. So his actions often are the thing that saved the day, where he doesn't always say what she wants him to say. He's not forthcoming right in a communicative way, right, but which actions kind of say I want to be.
Here, yeah, which is very male right, you know right?
Do you read into that like he wishes he could say more probably and he's scared or this is different for him, or I mean what probably.
Different for him? Okay, this is this is how I would analyze that without knowing a lot.
Honestly, I mean there's no a lot. This is the thing when you're watching, it's like an enigma. He's just a walking enigma, charming.
And nation charming, and you wonder is he doing the same thing with other women?
Oh, I'm pretty sure that he is, because they go to that party which I totally left out, or like this woman comes up and.
Kisses him and says, where's my mask?
And then he introduces Carrie to another friend who says, oh, you must be in Nicole or whatever it is.
And she's like no, I'm just like run.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of there's like a million of them, where like how many women did you sleep with her? Now?
Yeah, that's the question.
Well the other thing too, is you know passport that means they're flying out of the country exactly.
He goes, this is my friend that I traveled with, and she goes internationally I assume.
I mean, it's just like irritating.
Yeah, but when there's a spark and there's something there, you want to follow through it because you are not he is not committed to you. She's dating other women. There's nothing wrong with that. From a legal standpoint, there's nothing.
I know, it's just emotionally hard.
I stand No, I'm talking from a pertical standpoint.
A practical standpoint.
Okay, it's not Listen, he is not you mean, he's not breaking any agreements. He's not get it, I get it. It just feels emotionally.
Like scary.
Well that's why it's like, Look, I like you. I know that you've got a passport girl, You've got this other girl, you got this. I want to continue this, but I can't. If this is kind of the life that you're living and want to continue to living. If you want to focus on me and commit to that, then I'm down otherwise, like.
Any right, But she doesn't really say that, and I mean that is the other interesting part is I look at.
Her, Carrie, and you know, I mean you, I don't know.
How much this is me reading into it, because of course I know Candice, and I know the book and the you know, she had been quite the party girl herself, you know previously, right, and then I do think it's a bit of a change for her, right, And he had been quite big is still I guess, quite the big man about town, right, and he was based on a real person who was quite the man about town.
And then they're kind of in some ways doing this what will turn out to be a very long dance towards the being monogamous with each other, but it takes a long time.
You No, yes, it's also the.
Show, right, And also I mean, if it was easy, what would we do exactly?
It was amazing And then they.
Got together, sleep together, right right right right right.
That you put big in her together. You're kind of like, no, I mean yes, but no.
I know, but that's what it's so hard to write that dance over time, and the fact that they did is kind of amazing. And when I look back, I mean, yes, on some level, even just how they started, because they would just see each other at bars and parties and whatever and have that spark and then but not really do anything.
And then I'd forgotten all.
Of that, Like they really were so skillful in a way that I didn't realize at the time. But then also I also look back and I think, oh my god, he's so withholdang.
Even in the beginning, do you know what I mean? Of course she hangs in there, God in lover.
That's what makes it great. And love is a rational Love is weird, like you cannot plan it. You can't do anything like you could. You have these feelings that you may not want, but you do. So what do you do with them? You just throw them away? Or do you see?
This is the big question now because I feel like now in social media, everyone's like, you know, control this, don't do this. That person's a narcissist, don't do that. You know, like there's a lot of efforts that control.
Yes, what can you really control these things?
Of course not?
Okay, it's not possible, right, you know.
There's always sacrifice. You always have to be living with something, you know, I mean, in order to have a healthy long term relationship, you're going to have to go through some real ship, right, and it's work, and.
You have to work on yourself of course it's both great, but some men they just do not want to work on themselves.
I know it's hard. It's hard.
It is hard, no joke, no joke, is hard, but it is interesting. It is because I don't think. I mean, I have friends in relationships that are really good that I admire so much, and then I also have friends who aren't in relationships and who are just like confounded, and I'm just like, I don't, I don't know, Yeah, I don't.
I guess it's just, you know, I have friends, you know. Well, we're also at the at an age where it's it's not easy. No, you know, it's like, oh, I want love in my life. I don't want to die alone. But here's but here's who I Here's who I am now, and I have so much more to guy so to give, right, But now I have to match it up with a dude who's like on my lean.
It's a small, small window.
I know, not to scare anyone out there, but it does get increasingly challenging. Yes, to fit someone into these parameters.
I think you just have to, you know, hope for it, manifest it in one way or another, and then be grateful for everything else.
In life, really absolutely, and.
You know understand that you cannot force these things, right, and it's almost like I think.
The dating apps gave the illusion that you could force them.
Yes, yes, yes, and some people, I mean I have friends that that has worked out for.
You totally.
Which brings me to Justin Threrow.
Yeah, so Justin Threw is one of the I think we only have two actors and this is talking from the beginning of Sex and the City in nineteen ninety seven to current and just like that times we've had two actors played two different characters the show, which is pretty cool, and Justin's one of them. And this first one is such a shock, like I only vaguely remembered. I mean, I think Sarah, Jessica and Matthew were friends
with Justin from New York nest. You know, I didn't know him, you know, I don't think I was there when they filmed. And then I do remember when he comes he comes back, he changes his facial hair and he plays a writer. It's very different, and I think it might have been the last season of Sex and the City, but.
Here he plays a kind of.
Frightening character that we've all probably met which is like the writer of the moment, the cool dude. And at one point she says something to him like you know, oh, you know, he's talking about all the great things that come from having a New York Times best selling book, and she goes, oh, acting like an apple, and everyone's thinking that you're great, and he's.
Like, yeah, I love you with me so funny. It's so funny.
And he's so good at playing this like kind of charming and kind of smarmy guy. And then later he plays someone just fully opposite but also still a.
Writer, I think, which is also interesting.
He's just he's great.
I justin can do a lot.
I was telling you before we know he was. He's doing a movie a TV show with my sister. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, called Running Point.
I can't wait to watch it. I haven't seen it yet. I did not realize he was on there.
It's good. He plays the older brother, Kate's old got her brother got it Yeah, excellent, And he's just so good and he's so talented. Me got so good writer.
And that's the other thing is that he was in some ways known as a writer. Yeah.
Yeah, maybe that's why we kept casting Yeah, which I forgot.
I think he wrote Tropic Thunder. I mean, he's had some cool stuff and he's funny as hell, but also great dramatic actors.
Oh my god, the leftovers, Oh my gosh, I know, incredible, incredible left Sorry I just shouted into you guys.
Ears.
It was funny because he came on and again I was watching with my wife with Aaron.
Like, is that he looks like he's twenty five?
So young? Right, wait a minute, and he was like, no, no, no, it's not him, like I think him.
It's one.
I was like, it's his voice, but yeah, I had to look it up.
No way, Wow, I mean this is nineteen ninety eight, it's a long time ago. Yeah, but he's amazing. He's amazing, right, let me look at my papers. I have to be like, I know, it's a little scary and like there's a part of me where I'm like, yeah, you should go home with him, and I'm like no, and I guess and I'm like.
No, it's one of those things like I don't know, would the sex be good with that guy?
You know, It's funny because.
He's almost so self important, like you only care about his own.
I think probably yes, But I also think that he's justin. So there is something that he's bringing that's not on the page that makes you think maybe, oh yeah, that character though forget you know what's on the page's it?
Yeah, that characters kind of like, No, he'd be good in bed.
No I think he would. I'm not even gonna say what I think he would do.
Yeah you do, yes, just say it.
He would come in like fifteen minutes and roll off you and go to sleep, right or going back to you would.
Push your head down, right, push.
The head down and then going and then all at the table you're talking about going down on the you know, going down, Yeah, blowjobs. What was the line like, I only do it to get it or something right?
Right?
Miranda said, I only give head to get head, which is a good line.
Yeah, no, it's great.
It's good line.
So but I don't even think he I don't even know if that character would would get I don't think right, it doesn't seem.
Like a unless he he thinks he's so great at it that he's going to show you.
I don't like that.
And it's not even for you. I don't almost for him.
To show you know what I mean women do not like that. No, that's my personal feeling. What you can tell when someone's doing it in a performative type of way.
Of course, I'm saying.
Now, I remember my story I was telling when I was talking about Aaron and this and we're having great sex, right, tell me just just generally. I was leading up to something that I forgot, but now I remember. Tell me because we had talked about something prior. I if she is not in the mood, if she doesn't want to and it's just doing it for charity, I'm out.
You can feel I.
Don't want it. If she comes in like babe, like, okay, do you want I like have sex now, I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, this is not how I want to go about it. There has to be connection there. There has to be a desire or want.
This is why you're happily married, you know.
What I mean. There has to be Yeah, because I don't want charity. I don't want charity sex gross. Yeah, I want to go back to something really quickly.
Okay, then I'm going to go.
Back to okay really quickly. You said I love it, you said fifteen, you said he comes in fifteen minutes. Is that you imply that that's a short amount of time? Can I address that for a second.
It was a random number, but get your point. It's not that short, it's it's relatively long.
I guess, well, I'm.
Just saying it was you. The implication for you was fifteen minutes. And then he's done and he's gone, and I'm thinking, oh Jesus, I better not sleep with Chris.
But I think I think, God Jesus, it's going to be the headline just for this.
And then we'll get back into the show. But like, I just think there's this miss all right.
Am I right now? Oh?
There's a misconception with men, and correct me if I'm wrong. Maybe I'm not because of the fifteen minute thing that women want to have sex for hours. There's a misconception of that. And there's also a misconception that a woman wants a very huge penis. Oh no, Jesus, right, Oh this is this is not the tone of this.
No, no, it can't be. Okay, I'm just.
Saying, okay, okay, let's address both. Okay, so this is what I think about it.
Now. I did try to talk to someone. I think Christine Taylor.
Last week, there's this weird vibe of the sex scenes in the whole first season where everyone is just like madly pawing at each other and kissing like crazy, like this weird heightened thing.
And I'm like, why were we all doing that? Like what is that about? You know what I'm saying, Like, who's idea of good sex? Is that?
Like I watched Yeah kissing Cynthia, that dude, I was like, what is he doing?
Percent Yes, it is a whole through line of this weird frenzied ripping at the clothes And I do think it was something that was happening in soap operas on TV at that time. You know what I'm saying, Like it's kind of a TV thing. But I also can remember films like that when sex used to be in films, you know, where they would like rip the clothes off, which is so not realistic at all and to me, not sexy.
Like what I'm getting to that animal?
I mean, you can have anal is.
Good, right, but starting slow is so nice And I think like and I'm just we're here, I'm going to go for it. The last person that I had any kind of relationship with younger at one point. You know, there's a lot of kissing in the beginning, and then at one point he was like, yeah, that's too much kissing. I was like, no, the kissings is really important, dude.
Yeah.
And then you know, he was young and not very evolved or whatever, and he's like, no, I don't want to kiss like that.
And I was like, could the fact that you even say that?
I know. I was like, now it's going to be over.
Yeah, of course, because if I'm not going to get the good kissing, yeah, what am I here for? Well?
I know. And it's funny you say that because with my wife again for a millionaires, the kissing kind of went away a little bit. Oh no, well, because I'm not saying it's transactional sex in any way. But sometimes you got kids, you got this.
I get it.
Of course, there's quickies, sure, but you know, you kind of forget. Yeah, and then it's like you remind like, oh, the kids makes out and you make out, and it's it's so good.
Right, God, that's good that you felt that way. I'm glad.
I'm glad so for me in terms of the fifteen minutes thing situation and I'm only speaking for myself because I really think it's important. I think our show tried
to show this, but I think people forget. You know, there's different women who want different things and this is fine, just like there's different men who want different things, right Yeah, And you have to figure out the person that you're with in whether you were into that, like with Charlotte in this in this particular episode apparently, which I have forgotten, Charlotte doesn't like to give blowjobs, which I think she gets over, okay, because there's a scene.
I know. When I saw that, I'm like, oh man, that's that's sort of a it's kind of extreme. I mean, I'm not saying that the guy pushing your head down, No, that doesn't make it, but it is a it's a bit of a deal killer. I mean, I mean, if I was with a woman and I'm falling in love and I do not give blowjobs, I hate it. I don't want it. I'm like, because that's intimate and that's fun, and I'm for sure, I'm like.
You, I get it, I get it, I get it. I get it.
I'm going to marry you and grolled with you and die with you without ever having a blowjob for sixty eight years. That's a long time.
That is a very long time.
This is my feeling with it because I had not remembered the storyline at all. Cynthia had remembered that when that episode was happening, that Darren and Michael Patrick came to us independently, each one of us and said, you know, how do you guys feel about blowjobs? Because we're trying to write this, but we realized that we're gay men and you guys are straight women.
Can you share with that your thoughts? Right, I had forgotten all of this.
She would have documented all this stuff stuff amazing. Yeah, we were just incredible.
You know, it was very intense.
We didn't have that many days to shoot back then either, you know what I mean, we were We didn't think we would what we are.
I guess we all said are different things.
And I know that I didn't say that I didn't like it, because I wouldn't really say that. I might have said I don't like someone pushing my head down, because definitely who likes that? Nobody as far as I know. But I didn't remember that either. But I didn't also remember that Charlotte has this whole thing and very like kind of adorably and with some strength, really thinks that he's going.
To be like, of course that's fine. No, blow jobs is fine. Yeah, she's not important to me. Problem.
Yeah, sweet and cute, so sweet and cute.
I like that. I just don't like that.
I mean what I think at the time, thinking back on it and also thinking about you know, she's had this huge development which all people do, right, which is what's the joy of still getting to play her all these many years later, and she's this incredible relationship with Harry And there is a scene in and just like that evolving a prosthetic with a blowjob that she is one hundred percent willing and initiates and into.
So thank god she.
Got over whatever that was right, and I don't know why we didn't deal with it.
It was a nice commentary though. It's super interesting that so that I watched where I think Samantha' is like, oh, it's I feel power right right.
No, it's super fascinating to think about the dynamics of that and the dynamics and talking about it from the female perspective, which I think is what hadn't been on screen before and what people are surprised about is a the openness, but be the fully female perspective, like we don't even ask the dude, see him saying big is an enigma and we're just trying to figure it out, which is very much the female experience, right, And then
Charlotte's like, well, I just don't like it. And when they have that scene at the you know, the restaurant, and Carrie's like, don't do it if you don't like it.
You know, it's so cute.
It's so cute but also so important because just the idea of being able to not do something that all the men want you to do is kind of.
Revolutionary, of course, of course.
But I mean my thought, and I don't know what I thought at the time. I thought now would be like what trauma did Charlotte have?
Did Charlotte? I mean, maybe it was all the men pushing her head.
Down, Like if that's the general get go, which I do think. I mean, I probably couldn't count the number of men in my twenties that pushed my head down.
Probably couldn't count up how many that would be.
It would probably be everyone that I was ever involved with in my twenties.
You know, which is really sad.
No, I know, like Kerry's supposed to like that thing kind of crazy.
I know it is kind of crazy, but it's also so amazing now that we can even say that that's crazy.
Mhm