my vagina lol

I love oversharing. Sorry, I do. I love it. In fact, I think it's one of my love languages. It's not on the official list with acts of service, words of affirmation, gift giving, quality time, physical touch. It's not on that list, but it's on my list because the way that I connect with people is by oversharing, which is why it's shocking that I have not made an episode completely about my vagina yet. How has that not happened yet? All I do is share too much information

online. How has this not happened yet? We'll have no fear because the day has come. I am going to be dedicating this entire episode to my vagina. Now, what sparked the idea for this episode was all of my recent challenges with my vagina. I feel like post puberty, my vagina has been a problem area for me. And I know that I'm not the only one. Okay, vagina's are very complicated. And at least for me, there almost always seems to be

something going wrong with it. Like, I don't know, it's just it's a complicated organ. It's sensitive. It's complicated. And because not a lot of people talk about their vagina, it can be kind of scary when things go wrong with it because there aren't that many people to call. And we all know what happens when we Google our symptoms.

We end up coming to a far more dramatic conclusion than we need to, right? I think the truth is, vaginas are just complicated. And there's always some sort of drama going on with them. And today I'm going to tell some of my dramatic vagina stories starting with something that happened to me today.

Well, let's go back in time for a minute before we discuss what happened today because this story actually starts five years ago. This episode is presented by Hagen Daz. It's love it first bite with the new Hagen Daz Dulce de leche bar featuring rich caramel Dulce de leche ice cream swirled with thick, milky Dulce de leche ribbons and dipped in milk chocolate.

And Dulce de leche ice cream swirled with thick, milky Dulce de leche ribbons and dipped in milk chocolate. And this episode is brought to you by Walmart. I love the spring time. It's a great chance to refresh your wardrobe home or beauty routine. And you know what? I think you'll find Walmart has some great style finds that won't break the bank.

If you want to upgrade your style, they've got clothes. If you want to upgrade your home decor, pick up some fresh new pieces. You can upgrade everything from your fit to your furniture in store or shop it all on the Walmart app shop. The latest spring styles at Walmart.com slash now trending. That's Walmart.com slash now trending now trending your style at Walmart. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Imagine you find something that you love. Maybe you see your friend wearing a cool t-shirt and you're like, oh, I want that.

And then they give you the website and you go on to it. And it just doesn't feel great. Right. That doesn't make you want to buy that t-shirt. A good website is crucial when it comes to selling your product or a brand. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online.

It's okay if you don't know the first thing about design. You can choose from professionally curated layouts with the Squarespace blueprint. Squarespace even has AI that can help you kickstart or update your website copy. If you're selling products, Squarespace makes check out seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment methods. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code Emma.

So five years ago, I was in the shower and I was shaving my vagina. Now we all know, well, all of us who have a vagina know how complicated it is to shave a vagina. Okay. There's a lot of nooks and crannies in there. It's treacherous territory. And when you're in a rush, you can just sort of shove the razor down there and just start going into autopilot, haphazardly.

And things can very easily go wrong. Okay. You have a sharp razor and you have a bunch of flaps of skin that are sensitive and just whatever. Okay. I cut my vagina with the razor on this day five years ago. And I cut it sort of on the inside. Okay. In between the outer labia and the inner labia in that crease there. Sorry. This is so TMI. I cut that with a razor five years ago.

And I didn't really think much of it. It kind of hurt for a second. It bled for a second. And that was sort of the end of it. And then like a month later, the guy that I was dating at the time noticed it and was like, what the fuck is that? And I was like, oh, I don't know. And I look and it's this unhealed cut from this razor, like almost like a slice.

I was like, I was just a cut from the razor blah, blah, blah. It'll heal eventually. I forget about it for probably a year. And then I start feeling like a light very mild sharp pain. And I take a look at it one day and I realize, holy shit. That cut is still there and it's not fully healed. What the fuck? I start to get a little concerned. I'm like, this is a little weird. Like this cut has never fully healed. It kind of makes sense because you know the vagina sort of a moist environment.

Yeah, it kind of makes sense that something wouldn't heal properly there. But a year. So I'm like, you know what? I'll just keep an eye on it. It doesn't seem infected or anything. I tell my mom, she's like, that's really weird. But I decided to just sort of wait it out and see if it goes away. Literally another year later, it's still fucking there. Okay. And the problem was I kept forgetting about it because I'd go through phases where I couldn't even feel it.

And then I'd go through phases where I could feel it. And when I start to feel it again, I check up on it and be like, holy shit, it's still there. Then I'd be like, alright, I'll just forget about it. So then I'd forget about it.

And I wouldn't feel it for a few months, even maybe a year. And then eventually I'm like, this thing is not going away. I need to go to the gynecologist. So I do. And what does she say to me? She says, you just need to do a sitz bath three times a day for two weeks and it'll go away. I'm so sorry. I'm just not that girl. Okay. A sitz bath is like a warm bath with, I don't know, maybe she wanted to put salt in it or something.

I know it's even wanted me to put in it. But basically like a warm sterile bath that I sit in for like 15 minutes, three times a day to help keep the cut clean so that it could heal properly. I didn't do that. I didn't listen to her. And then another year went by and it still never went away. I ended up switching gynecologists very recently to a very, very involved, very serious gynecologist who's very proactive.

And I showed her this cut and she was like, we need to cut that thing off and we need to biopsy it because that is really bad that you've had this cut in your vagina for five fucking years. What's happening? We need to cut it off so it can heal properly. But then we also need to test it to make sure that nothing's wrong with it. So that's what I had today. That surgery to get it removed. It was a minor surgery. I didn't need to be put under anesthesia or anything.

I basically just came in today, stripped down, waist down, and she offered me laughing gas to sort of make me a bit loopy so that I wouldn't feel anything at all. And I would be completely aloof to the whole thing. But I had a really bad experience with laughing gas when I was at the dentist in my childhood years. And it kind of traumatized me so I decided against it. When I was at the dentist as a kid, they gave me laughing gas. And I started hallucinating.

Like I started seeing Sonic the Hedgehog in Pokemon running around in front of me in the room. It was very weird. And I didn't like that feeling. And I don't think it's dangerous or anything. But that's sort of disturbing. Like I'm not trying to hallucinate when I'm already in a stressful situation. So I decided against it. I'm also too anxious. Like I don't like feeling out of control. And laughing gas sort of makes you dissociate. I already dissociate with my anxiety enough.

I don't need anything that will make me dissociate more. That scares me. I don't like feeling removed from my body. I already have that feeling enough from my anxiety. Please God, I don't need anything that will make me dissociate more. In fact, I need something that will make me feel in tune with my body. Wow, what a treat. That would be.

So yeah, no to the laughing gas. But I did say yes to getting the area numbed. So I didn't really know what that was going to entail. Turns out it's a huge needle filled with some sort of numbing stuff. Heavy duty. The irony of it is that you want to numb the area so that you don't feel the pain, right? But the act of getting numbed hurts so fucking bad that you wish you were numbed for that.

She stuck this big thick needle in the areas around the vaginal cut. And it hurts so fucking bad. It hurts so bad. I was like, oh my, and I have a high pain tolerance. And I was losing it. I was like, I couldn't believe how painful it was. I was like, why didn't I get numbed for this? I, this hurts so fucking bad. But I will say I was happy I was numbed when she pulled out this medieval looking Tongue, Cesar hybrid metal.

It looked like metal shears when she pulled those out and inched those closer to my vagina. I was like, well, thank God, I am so numbed up right now in my vagina that literally they could cut the whole thing off. And I wouldn't even feel it.

I refused to look down when she brought that thing close to my vagina because ultimately that was the tool that they used to cut the cut off. They basically like cut the whole cut out and then bandaged it tight so that it would just it would reheal if that makes sense.

I feel them cutting the actual chunk of my vagina out at all because I was so numbed up. So that was amazing. But just seeing that tool get close to my vagina. I felt a little loopy ever since like I don't know there's something about a sharp metal tool going near your vagina. So that is on my list of biggest fears. Anyway, so I didn't feel it. The piece of skin, the chunk of vagina that was cut out was honestly pretty small. It was like the size of a pee.

It was not super big, but I mean, the vagina is not that big saying like it was maybe the same size as the clitoris. Oh, oh my God. I think, oh, anyway, so that was that it's gone. They're testing it right now. We'll see what it is. Hopefully it's just an unhealed wound and it's not a sign of something else going wrong.

But I'm just trying not to worry about it and that's that this episode is brought to you by better help. Take a minute to check your social battery. How's it doing? Does the thought of social events make you feel excited or exhausted? To be honest, my social battery is horrible right now. I am running on empty. I want to be alone for a whole week straight and see no one and talk to no one.

I think I've overbooked myself a little bit and so I'm feeling very drained and hey, maybe you thrive around people or maybe you need more time alone. Either way, therapy can give you the self awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery because a full battery is the key to a full life. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help with try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule.

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This episode is brought to you by Walmart. I love the spring time. It's a great chance to refresh your wardrobe home or beauty routine and you know what? I think you'll find Walmart has some great style finds that won't break the bank. If you want to upgrade your style, they've got clothes. If you want to upgrade your home decor, pick up some fresh new pieces. You can upgrade everything from your fit to your furniture in store or shop it all on the Walmart app.

Shop the latest spring styles at Walmart.com slash now trending. That's Walmart.com slash now trending now trending your style at Walmart. That was today's vaginal drama, but there's been more recently about a month and a half ago. I was diagnosed with PCOS polycystic ovarian syndrome, which if you don't know what that is, I don't know, it's polycystic ovary syndrome, not ovarian.

PCOS is a condition in which the ovaries produce an abnormal amount of androgens male sex hormones that are usually present in women in small amounts. The name polycystic ovary syndrome describes the numerous small cysts, fluid filled sacs that form in the ovaries. However, some women with this disorder do not have cysts, while some women with the disorder do develop cysts.

So I was diagnosed with that about a month ago and I found out it's the reason that for many years, I've had a regular periods, cystic acne, anxiety, depression, and a slew of other issues. It could also possibly impact my fertility, which is upsetting. It's definitely a bummer. It's common. I know a lot of girls with PCOS and I think I have a milder version of it. I don't have the cysts. I don't have all of the symptoms of PCOS, but alas, I have it.

And this was a little bit less frightening for me because my mom also has PCOS. She also has endometriosis, which apparently I might also have what I haven't been fully tested for, whatever. My mom is PCOS. She's managed it throughout her life. Pretty well. She was able to get pregnant with me pretty easily. And I think that that gives me hope in a way that hopefully I will be fertile as an adult.

Oh, I am an adult. Hopefully I'll be fertile when I'm ready to have children in what six years, six to eight years probably. And you know, there's a lot of things that the doctor recommends when it comes to PCOS specific ways to eat that support PCOS, certain ways to exercise that support PCOS.

But she also put me on a medication that will help with my hormones to hopefully keep the PCOS in a better state because you can't heal PCOS. There's no cure for it, but you can manage the symptoms and manage your hormones so that it doesn't impact your life as much.

So she put me on this medication. Now, I'm not going to share what medication it is just because I think everybody's on their own journey. And I think it's best to speak to your doctor instead of hear what somebody else is on and be like, oh, I want to do that. I just think that's a slippery slope. I don't think it's necessary, but I did get put on this medication. And I'm very afraid of medication just because with medication, there's side effects.

And a lot of times the medication is worth it, you know, it's worth the risk of the side effects to heal the larger issue. But some of the side effects of the medication that I was put on are stomach issues, faster shallow breathing fever or chills, muscle pain and cramping, sleepiness, decreased appetite, nausea, B12 deficiency, which is already I'm already at risk for that because I'm a vegetarian.

So I'm getting up B12. You have to be careful with drinking on this medication. You can have diarrhea. It can make your anxiety worse sometimes. It can make your depression worse sometimes. There's a lot of potential negative side effects. Now, I read this list to you and you might be thinking, Emma, those are like the side effects for all medications, like all medications come with similar sort of risks of basically feeling sick, right?

But I have been so fortunate in my life thus far that I've not had to take many medications. And so I went into having to take this medication like a little princess, like, oh my God, like, what if something goes wrong? And so for the past month, I've been in this constant state of fear that something will go wrong as a result of me taking this medication. And what's ironic about it is that I've gotten panic attacks about being on this medication.

The panic attacks can mimic the symptoms of the medication reacting badly with my system. Like, when I have a panic attack, I can feel dizzy. I can feel nauseous. I can hyperventilate. I can shake. I can feel like I'm going to pass out. You know, all these things can happen. And so I've just been a fucking wreck adjusting to being on a medication every single day.

But I've actually been really lucky. And I've had pretty much no side effects. I don't know how it's helping my hormones. I can't exactly feel that. But hopefully it is helping. My gynecologist did say that once it really kicks in, it'll help with my anxiety. It'll help with my acne because my acne is very hormonal.

It'll help with getting back to a regular period schedule. Could make my periods a bit less painful. Like, things are really looking up for me. Okay. But in lieu of that, one of the ways that my health anxiety comes out is through constantly thinking that I'm pregnant. Now, in my defense, in my defense, I do have a regular periods as a result of my PCOS. So I'll go six weeks with no period. And then suddenly I'll get it. I'll go two months without a period sometimes. And then I'll get it.

I'll get my period twice in a month sometimes. Like, my periods all over the place. So I don't have the predictability of being like, oh, my periods here. Great. Now, I know I'm not pregnant. I have no way of knowing unless I actually take a pregnancy test because I'm not relying on my cycle. I don't have a reliable cycle.

The reason why it's a little bit irrational that I think that I'm pregnant like once every two months is because I have an IUD. If you don't know what IUD is, it is a T-shaped plastic frame that's inserted into the uterus. Copper wire coils around the device and produces an inflammatory reaction that is toxic to sperm and eggs preventing pregnancy.

So I have the copper IUD. I've had it since I was 17. It's worked for me every time. But it's not 100% guaranteed. No birth control is 100% guaranteed. Right. So even though I have that and even though it's worked every time, I still constantly think I'm fucking pregnant. And it seems that I always come to the conclusion that I'm pregnant at the least convenient times.

I feel like my brain doesn't on purpose. For example, one time I was doing a red carpet event. Okay. I was fully in a gown. And I had this epiphany. I've not had a period in like two months. Where the fuck is my period? And I was really bloated that day. Like I looked pregnant actually a little bit. My lower abdomen was so distended. And it was not because of food. It was because of hormones.

And I was like, hold on a fucking minute. I haven't had my period in two months. And my lower abdomen is so distended that if I'm not pregnant, what the fuck is going on?

Like it's not a poop in there. Like I, yeah, I pooped. That is a baby. That's Tommy Chamberlain in there. That's fucking Paula Chamberlain in there. And so I started freaking out mind you. I'm like fully glammed up. I have my hair done. I have my makeup done. I'm in a gown about to go to this red carpet event. And I'm like, oh my God, I need a pregnancy test for when I get back from this event because I am convinced that I am pregnant.

It all came together in my brain at possibly the worst fucking time ever. When there's no possible way for me to take a pregnancy test. I mean, oh, I didn't forgot to mention this. I'm in France. So I don't even know where to go to get a pregnancy test. It's also the evening time. Who knows if there's a story even open with a pregnancy test. I'm in a gown. I can't lift up the gown and pee on a pregnancy test.

Like I'm already locked into this gown and I have to leave. It was the worst fucking time. Anyway, someone on my team did actually get me a pregnancy test, which was so nice. It was negative. Yay. Of course. That was probably the worst time I've ever come to the conclusion that I've been pregnant. It also often happens to me late at night. Can't fall asleep two in the morning. I'm tossing and turning all of a sudden. Oh, wait a minute. I'm probably fucking pregnant. Yep, I'm probably pregnant.

And I can't tell you how many times that's happened to me. And I've opened my medicine cabinet to see if I have a pregnancy test. And I don't have one. So then I open a delivery app to see if there's a store open who has a pregnancy test. Sometimes there is sometimes there isn't. Okay. Next thing I know I'm up until four in the morning because I'm so afraid that I'm pregnant because I hadn't had a period in six weeks.

I end up taking it negative again. But every single time I take a pregnancy test, I'm convinced that that will be the time that it's positive. I am pregnant. And every single time I have an entire existential crisis because it's not until you're afraid that you're pregnant, that you think of the weight that it bears. It's fucking heavy because every year that I get older, I'm like, what would I do if I got pregnant? What would I do? Like what would I do?

I wait for the results shaking, sweating, pacing the room. And every single time it comes out negative. I feel as though I've won a sweepstakes or something. I feel like I'm going on a free trip to the Bahamas. I feel like I'm getting a free cooking class from Gordon Ramsay. I feel like I've won something. I feel like life has blessed me with a treat every single time. Like it's the feeling never gets old of not being pregnant. I'll tell you that.

But I'm constantly afraid of being pregnant. But you know, it's interesting because now that I've been diagnosed with PCOS and it was brought to my attention that I might not be the most important thing. I might not be the most fertile woman there ever was because that can impact your fertility. It's made me ponder even harder what I would do if I accidentally got pregnant because my likelihood of getting pregnant might end up being low when I'm ready to start trying to have kids.

But well, then what would I do if I accidentally got pregnant now? Oh my God, the whole thing is it's definitely heavy. But anyway, nowadays I always have a pregnancy test around. So that the spiral doesn't last too long because. Yeah, it's brutal otherwise. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Imagine you find something that you love. Maybe you see your friend wearing a cool t-shirt and you're like, oh, I want that. And then they give you the website and you go on to it.

And it just doesn't feel quite right. That doesn't make you want to buy that t-shirt. A good website is crucial when it comes to selling your product or a brand. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. It's okay if you don't know the first thing about design. You can choose from professionally curated layouts with the Squarespace blueprint.

Squarespace even has AI that can help you kickstart or update your website copy. If you're selling products, Squarespace makes check out seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment methods. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code Emma. This episode is brought to you by by its wonder water. So I was wondering what made by so great and it's actually pretty simple.

Buy is infused with antioxidants and whatever flavor you're picking up for me. It has to be by raspberry lemon lime by Sydney Swiney. It's also defined that it has electrolytes and no artificial sweeteners. So for flavorful hydration, choose buy its wonder water. Learn more about buy and discover all the exotic bold flavors at drink by dot com. So I mentioned my birth control the copper IUD. Let me tell you a little bit about that. So I got that when I was 17. I was in my first relationship.

I just lost my virginity. I was like, okay, you know what? Let's fucking do it. And I went to the gynecologist and they were like, okay, here's the deal. Hormonal birth control might not be right for you because you get migraines migraines running my family. I do get migraines. I actually had one last night.

I woke up at three in the morning with a migraine. It was horrific. I was very angry about that. Migraines are horrible. And I avoid them at all costs because they're completely debilitating. And the gynecologist was basically like hormonal birth control can make your migraines worse. So, you know, way the pros and cons of that.

But it probably isn't a good idea. And you should probably do something non hormonal. And really the only option is the copper IUD. I explained it earlier. It's the T shaped plastic frame that's inserted into the uterus. And there's copper wire coiled around it. It basically kills the sperm in the egg and it prevents pregnancy. Okay, whatever.

I didn't really know what to expect. And in fact, I wasn't really afraid because I was like, oh, they're just going to plop something in my vagina. Like just push it in there and I'll go on my merry way. You know, it can't be too big of a deal. I'm not going to lie. It was not all sunshine and rainbows like that. Okay, I showed up early in the morning, pop my legs open.

I'm 17 years old at the time. Anything being in my vagina at that age was a little bit frightening for me. I barely just lost my virginity. I like it was still foreign to have things near and in my vagina. That was still sort of a disturbing experience. So when they stuck this metal tube like thing in my vagina to prop it open, I already knew I wasn't going to like this experience because there's something really upsetting about having like metal tools in your vagina.

Like the vagina is such a sensitive area that there's something very icky about that. So it started with that. And then inserting the IUD was just like a little pinch wasn't really that bad actually. It got really bad after the procedure for the following two days. I had the worst cramping. I have ever experienced in my fucking life. I've broken bones.

I have had really severe migraines. Yeah, I've experienced some pretty bad physical pain. This was on a whole nother level. But it did only last two days. And then the cramping sort of went away. The cramping would then come back every time I'd get a period. And the cramping would be so no, let me relax actually. It wasn't as bad as when I initially got inserted.

I was beside myself. I didn't even know what the fuck to do. Like there was nothing I could do. I was taking Adelaide, taking Tylenol, I was taking everything. I was like just trying to find something that would make it better. And nothing would make it better. It was like being in a torture chamber in my own body for two days straight. It was pretty horrific. The cramping with the periods following getting the IUD.

Let's see 30% of that pain. So still very painful, but not nearly as painful. The cramping was a bummer, but what really was crazy was the bleeding. I used to have pretty light periods like medium flow. Okay, nothing too crazy. After getting the copper IUD, I was gushing, gushing, gushing blood. Okay. I would fill up the largest most absorbent tampon in like 20 minutes. I was having to switch my tampon every 20 minutes. It got to a point where I had to wear period diapers. Yes, they sell those.

It's like a diaper with a built in maxi pad in it like a super absorbent maxi pad started buying those. Because the amount of blood I couldn't manage the amount of blood coming out of me. It was like a huge social issue. Like I almost couldn't leave the house when I was on my period for the first six to eight months after getting the IUD because it was the blood was so it was so much.

Let's say I would take my tampon out and get in the shower blood everywhere. I would get out of the shower to go get a new tampon blood all over the floor. Like it was crazy. Hot take though. Okay, hot take. It was a challenge for a while after getting the IUD. Crampy periods, super heavy blood flow. Sure. But the joy I felt from being able to just have sex and not worry about getting pregnant in relationships, not have to wear a condom.

Everyone's tested. We all know we're good. Don't need to wear a condom. Listen, you should still wear one. Everyone says, I'm so sorry. I'm not. Okay, God bless all of you wearing a condom. If I don't have to, I'm not. Okay, you all know me. Okay, I'm a boyfriend girl. I'm always in something unless they're cheating on me, which I wouldn't know anyway.

If we're only having sex with each other, great. Then we're all safe. And Emma's IUD really gets to have its moment. What a fucking treat. What a treat. I loved that. And I was like, you know what? It's worth it. I know. Like all this pain, all this torture for this fucking birth control. And you know what? It's worth it for me because I like the freedom. I love the. No, I don't just like the freedom. Fuck it. I love the freedom. I do.

So I have no regrets about my copper IUD even though it was horrific. I have had a few scares though with it like where I've thought that it's moved like actually kind of recently within the last few months. I had to go to the doctor because I thought it got moved because I randomly like started bleeding and I wasn't on my period. And I felt like something was sore inside like I was like, I feel like this shit moved. I don't know. I couldn't know for sure.

Because I can't see in there, but I was like something feels off like there's something kind of cramping in there. And I'm bleeding for no reason and it's not my period. So I feel like it moved. Anyway, it actually didn't. And I don't know what that was. I'll never know. And then I was afraid. Imagine. Okay. So then imagine me already being afraid that I'm pregnant all the time. Imagine my fear when I think, wait a minute is my IUD in the right place. I feel like it might have gotten moved.

Imagine how pregnant I thought I was that week. The drama never ends with the vagina like it's it's never ending. Oh my God. I also recently thought I had toxic shock because

toxic shock is very rare, but it's still something to consider toxic shock syndrome is a rare life threatening complication of certain bacterial infections risk factors include recent surgery open wounds in the use of super absorbent tampons, a high fever, low blood sugar vomiting and rash are some symptoms treatment includes antibiotics and possibly surgery.

And it can be very serious. I mean, it can kill you. And it's basically if this toxic bacteria sort of gets into your bloodstream. And according to self calm expert analysis says the more absorbent the tampon, the more bacteria it can hold on to that paired with a tiny tear from something like pulling out a dry tampon before it's saturated with blood can introduce the bacteria into the body.

That sort of a rundown on toxic shock. It is very rare. You know, it's best to just use tampons as they're instructed use pads as they're instructed, change them out frequently as needed. You know, like there's if you're doing the best that you can in using these things responsibly, you know, it's the best you can do.

I thought that I started my period one time in like a heavy way. So I put in a really absorbent tampon because I was not going to be home all day. I was going to be out and about working and I was like, I can't be bleeding through my pants when I'm working today.

Like, you know what I mean? I'm in a business setting. I need to be professional. I'm not going to be a happy camper if I'm bleeding through my dress pants today. Like that's just not the right vibe. So I put in a super absorbent tampon literally a half an hour later, I go pee and it half pops out.

And I tear it out because I couldn't push it back in properly. Like it wouldn't go back in. So I was like, fuck it. I'll just take it out and put in a new one. But when I took it out, it ripped and there was a piece of tampon in my vagina. Not very big, but big enough where I was like, oh my god. If I don't get this out, it could possibly harbor battered bacteria and give me toxic shock. I stuck my fucking finger up. I'm trying to get it out.

Unsure if I was able to get it out for day is falling that I douche my vagina every single day, just hoping that I could get it out if it was even still in there. I didn't know. I was so nervous about having toxic shock from having a little piece of tampon in my vagina that I gave myself a panic attack which made me feel dizzy, which made me feel lightheaded, which made me feel feverish.

So then I convinced myself, okay, way I do have toxic shock because I have all these symptoms. No, I'm having a panic attack. But that's what's so fucking sneaky when you are an anxious person and you get panic attacks, you'll convince yourself that something's really wrong when it's really just you having a panic attack and the symptoms are so similar that you just can't distinguish one from the other. It's absolutely horrific. Anyway, I ended up not having toxic shock. Thank God. But what I did do was give myself back.

I used to have a lot of bacterial vaginosis in my vagina from dosing it too much. I ducht my vagina so much trying to clean it out, hoping that I would get that rogue piece of tampon out of my vagina. But I did it so much that I fucked with the pH of my vagina and ultimately gave myself bacterial vaginosis.

Bacterial vaginosis is a condition caused by too much of a certain bacteria in the vagina. Bacterial vaginosis happens when bacteria usually found in the vagina grow too much. This growth upsets the balance of good and bad bacteria in the vagina. Bacterial vaginosis tends to occur during childbearing years. People with bacterial vaginosis often have no symptoms.

Symptoms might include thin, gray, white or green fluid coming from the vagina. Other symptoms may include a foul fishy smell from the vagina and itchy vagina or burning while urinating. Treatment can include prescription, cream or gel that goes into the vagina or medicine's taken by mouth. Yeah, I was pretty fucking nasty. So I get rid of that really quick. It was no problem, but it was kind of ironic that I gave myself a new vaginal problem because I was afraid of another vaginal problem.

It's like, of course, let's just tell the vagina is we can't win. Last but not least, speaking of bacterial vaginosis, let's talk about yeast infections because from ages like 17 to 19, I could not figure out why I kept getting yeast infections. And yet I was. Now a lot of you might be thinking, Emma, it's because you're a stinky girl and you don't shower and you're bad hygiene. No, shut the fuck up. I had phenomenal hygiene at the time.

The worst thing that I would do is maybe wait an hour or two after maybe three hours, sometimes after working out to shower. That was the worst thing I would do. That's not necessarily a crime. Okay. That's a little gross. But I would go and do a workout class and then I'd go get a coffee with friends and then we'd like to talk in the car for a little while and then I'd go home and I'd shower.

Do I think that that was the reason why I was getting yeast infections? Probably. Is that the biggest hygienic crime you've ever heard of? No, you probably do it all the time. But you know, it's weird. I'm not fully convinced it was that and I actually think it might have been coming from a man, but I'll never know for sure. Anyway, basically yeast infections get a bad rap. Okay.

Like people are like, ew, it's like a fishy cottage cheese. Like no, it's actually not fishy. That's the misconception about a yeast infection. It doesn't smell like anything. That's bacterial vaginosis. That's a different thing. That's what reeks. Okay. yeast infection is different. Vaginal itching red and inflamed vulva thick white. This is disgusting. Thick white discharge with chunky texture. Eww, with chunky texture.

Burning sensation when peeing and during sex. I was battling yeast infections for fucking years. Like it was so annoying. Like I worked so hard to get rid of them and I could never really figure out what it was. And I I think in retrospect, it was not showering immediately after working out, but also I do that sometimes now and I haven't had a yeast infection in years.

I actually think it might have been coming from a guy I was talking to at the time and I think that that is another thing that is not discussed enough about yeast infections. They can come from a dude that can be spread to you. I don't know because it's like there's kind of a correlation there that's hard to ignore. I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, maybe it was not related, but that was just horrible.

It was horrible. The worst part about it is that I was constantly itchy and I was like walking around 24 hours a day with an itchy kuchi like it was just and I I would take supplements I would put these like pills up my vagina that were supposed to help with.

Like I did everything and nothing worked, but I also used to be a lot worse about managing things like if my mom would be like honey you need to take this supplement or you need to try this ointment or you need to do this or you need to do that.

I'd be like, okay, and I do it for one week and then I would stop doing it and then I would convince myself that because I did it for that one week that that was enough and that it should have worked and that the solution must be elsewhere because I tried it for a week like it should have worked when in reality it needed to be an ongoing treatment.

So you see what I'm saying, so some of it might have been juvenile neglect, you give a kid a supplement and watch that sit in the cupboard for years to follow. It's like kids are like I'm sorry I just recently became a responsible human being when it came to tending to various bodily needs like for example I'm supposed to take B12 and vitamin D3.

Those are the supplements that I'm supposed to take and I've neglected to take them ever since the doctor told me I should be taking them a week here a week there blah blah blah but recently I've gotten really good about taking those supplements. It's just such a bitch. I think what really helped me though is that now I actually have to take a medication every day and I have to take it.

Every day at the same time and now that I'm in a routine it's easy to throw other supplements in there and just do a big a big gulp of pills twice a day you know what I mean all of this just proves to me that it's so much better to address an issue the second it arises like I wish I would have handled my vaginal cut when it first happened instead of waiting years to address it.

It's like how much stress and anxiety would we avoid if we just handled these things the moment that they happen but it's easy to turn a blind eye when it's not a violent issue that's begging for your attention. But it does cause an underlying anxiety like I feel a weird relief today knowing that my vagina thing is being handled I don't know.

Anyway so those are all my vagina stories hopefully you found some sort of comfort in them because we can feel very alone when it comes to our genitals or hormones etc because it's maybe not the most discussed topic and a lot of times we keep these things to ourselves understand we so you know it's sort of private but it is nice to know like these things happen to other people.

I have had so much anxiety about my vagina cut and I asked my mom about it like have you ever heard of anything like this and she was telling me about a family member who had something sort of similar and was totally fine that maybe he feels so much better you know and if you don't have a family member who also had a cut in their vagina that never healed and maybe you have a cut near vagina let me be your friend in that let me bring you some peace because she like that can be very anxiety inducing and I'm sorry.

And it's normal being human is constantly taking care of your body and keeping things under control but we all got some shit you know any who hopefully you didn't feel too violated by me talking about my vagina if you did I'm sorry but you know what get over it it's just a kuchi.

Okay it's no big deal you might have one if you don't have one you probably at least seen one so fucking relax you came out of one probably unless your mom had a C section but yeah go ahead and relax and that's all I have today thank you for listening and hanging out I hope that you enjoyed this episode and if you did let me know you can send me a message on Instagram at anything goes or my Instagram at Emma Chamberlain you can go ahead and follow those Instagrams at anything goes at Emma Chamberlain.

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