(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hi, this is Gena and I have a brief update. I'm still going through chaos. I'm having to throw away a lot of things and reorganize my life. Always a thrill. Not really, but I'm finding that I have to release a lot of things. And so I found some old journals that I wrote in 2002 and I don't usually do this. I don't feel comfortable sharing things about my life, but this is relevant to the podcast.
So I'm going to do it because I don't like going more than two weeks without posting. So this is from April 16th, 2022. Apparently, I took a pill at 6.20 a.m. I was on the bus and I was okay, but when I arrived at the job, I was having a hard time. I was choking up again, spacing, getting anxious. It was 9.45 a.m. So I took a break, I got up and I went outside and I probably was speeding. That's probably what I was doing at the time. I was thinking about a thousand and one things.
What should I do? What shouldn't I do? What am I going to do? And I had to really consciously think about not doing that. So I went back to the desk and I just really concentrated on whatever it was, before me and if it was life and death, but I really wouldn't allow myself to think about anything else but getting this particular task done. At the time, I had a lot of problem doing that, just not thinking about each and everything that I was responsible for, what I had to do.
I guess that allowed time for the medication to really kick in and take effect, to allow me just not to think about a thousand and one things. And so I generally speak from experience when I talk about how journaling can put you into a perspective of, hmm, it's been a couple of years since 2002. I have a life challenge in front of me and although there are moments where I do spiral out of control and think, oh my God, what am I going to do?
I take that breath, I calm down, I focus on what it is in this moment that I can do to feel safe, comfortable, secure. It doesn't always involve food or binging out on old movies or new movies or whatever it is that I'm binging out on at the moment, but having a journal can give you some perspective of once upon a time, it was far, far, far worse and it's not so bad now.
So I do recommend taking the time to write down where you are in this moment to have a period of time where you can truly share with yourself and your future self to remind you that there has been movement, that there has been progress and my God, I am in such a better place than I was in 2002 where I was having panic attacks on the half hour or I really needed access to a bathroom so that I could splash water on my face and just find some form of relief.
I've done some prior episodes on journaling, breathing exercises and taking that meditative necessary moment to just chill. I'll catch you next time on the Anxiety Road.