Fear of Flying

busiest travel day of the year. Maybe some of you are out there right now flying and you have a phobia of air travel like I did, and maybe maybe this will help. Maybe it won't. But I have a feeling that I have a lot to offer because I had a massive phobia of air travel for decades, and it is nothing short of a miracle to me that I am truly not a phobia flyer anymore at all.

I can't believe it. In fact, how this podcast started was an idea that I had a couple of years ago where I wanted to be a fear of flying coach and I wanted to not not people who are afraid to fly coach. Don't don't misunderstand me. I wanted to be a coach for people who have a fear of flying, and I thought it would be cool to travel with people. I'd pay my own way and I would fly with you if you were a fearful flyer.

And I thought, wouldn't that be kind of interesting to record that as a podcast or I don't know, as videos or something. And as I started to seriously think about how would I do this, uh, coronavirus hit and we were locked down, and I had no desire to get in a plane with strangers. And then so during that lockdown of when the idea for this podcast really was born. But it did kind of start with my desire to really help people who have a fear of flying.

So I we'll break this podcast down into a few parts. I'm going to spend a lot of this podcast telling you my story of my fear of flying, what it was like, all of the ridiculous moments I had on airplanes because of this phobia, all of the things I gave up in life because I didn't want to get on a plane, the attempts I made at getting some recovery in this area that just didn't work. And what led me to, finally, I don't know, gain control of this that that's a bad term to use, but to

master this. I will also provide statistics and tips and information about airplanes and about what's actually happening to us when we're on planes, whether it's claustrophobia or something else. And then I will end the episode with a progressive muscle relaxation. But let's just begin with my story. I don't really remember the first moment that I realized I had a phobia of flying. I really don't know, but I know that the beginnings of it all went something

like this. I was about seven or eight years old. I kept seeing commercials for Disney World on TV. I lived in Massachusetts. I have two older sisters. They were so much older than me that they already weren't living at home anymore. My parents and my sisters used to vacation down in Florida once in a while. They would drive all the way from Massachusetts to Florida. But in the eighties, I feel like air travel was starting to become,

you know, not something that just rich people did. And so I think I asked my parents can we fly to Disney World? And I'd never been anywhere before outside of Massachusetts and maybe New Hampshire, but they said yes, and I think I was excited, and I know that the whole thing was my idea. And then I think by the time that trip was over, I had a full blown phobia of air travel. I do remember my

first flight. I remember my my dad being fascinated with the cockpit that you know, again this is the early eighties. The pilot would stand there in front of the cockpit door. The door would be open and you could basically walk into the cockpit if you want to do. And my dad asked the pilot and can we get a little tour? And I think I remember feeling anxious then that was overwhelmed by all the buttons and dials, as though they were going to ask me to fly the plane. And

then I swear I'm not making this up. There was a spiral staircase on on the airplane. I think it was Eastern Airlines. I mean, I know that staircases on planes are a thing on some flights. Uh, It's just one of those weird memory things. Did did that really happen on my first flight or did I make that up? I don't know, but in my memory, I think I did see a spiral staircase and I just thought, well, wait, what like, this is too many this is too many

things in the in the plane. What do you mean there's a first class lounge up there, that there's stairs? I mean, isn't this too heavy? How's it gonna stay in the air? All that kind of thing. And you know, I don't know where the you know, I don't know about what what's going on in my brain. Where I see a cockpit and I immediately think the pilot's going

to be too overwhelmed to fly. Where I see a glamorous nighties spiral staircase on a plane and I think that there's too many levels on this plane, it's too heavy to stay in this guy, I don't know where that negative thought pattern came from. It it's not important to my recovery in a way. But one thing I do remember, and again I think I remember this. I swear my mother took out her rosary beads during takeoff. Now, my parents did not have a fear of flying, as

far as I knew, but they didn't fly often. It might have even been my mom's first flight as well. I said, don't remember. But we weren't very religious Catholics. We went to church once a week and then that was it. We don't talk about God outside of the church, and you know, the rosary beads only came out in an emergency, you know, and so that signaled to me that something was maybe an emergency. And then my dad was clutching the seat during takeoff, going here we go,

here we go, here we go. You know, was he trying to act excited, was he really anxious? Was my mom anxious or did she find it normal to take out the rosary beads. I don't know, but I don't think their behavior is to blame, because I really think I'm on a plane. I'm a tiny person, right, I'm seven years old, and I had never been in a

vehicle that was moving so fast. I mean, these things are speeding down the runway, and then sounds are so loud, and their new sounds, and they're not sounds I'm used to. And then that feeling of this big thing rising off of the ground and you hear the wheels coming up and clunking, and it's a very strange feeling. I mean, now to me it's like, oh yeah, whatever. But back then, I'm sure it caused as a lot of things do. The first time we feel them, a little bit of sensations,

a little bit of sweaty palms, my heart's racing. It could have just been excitement, but it immediately went to anxiety. And I'm pretty sure I probably had a panic attack. I just don't remember, but I do know that ever since that first round trip flight, I identified as someone with a fear of flying, and I thought it was very normal. I talked about it as though, well, we

should have a fear of flying. I talked about it like it was a fear of I don't know, jumping out of an airplane without a parachute, as though that was the same thing, you know. And every year we went to Disney World, and that was the only time I flew once a year, round trip, three hour flight from Boston to Orlando. And every year, the anticipation before the flight, I don't know, probably began a month before

every trip, just almost planning to be anxious. Now I didn't have the words anxious or panic, but afraid, I guess I knew the word afraid. I guess I would have put it that way. I'm afraid to fly. And of course, you know what, what we're all getting wrong when we say that is we're not afraid to fly. We're afraid to feel anxious while in an airplane. We're afraid of whatever the unknown. We're afraid of a plane crash. But we're really not afraid to fly because flying is

a great sensation. But I mean, it would just it got to the point where I couldn't even enjoy my time in Disney World because I was worrying about the flight back. And then when I was about eleven or twelve years old, maybe thirteen, I would say to my friends, well, I'm probably going to die this week because I'm getting on a plane. And I don't remember what their reactions were.

I was always the kid that was thinking about that kind of thing, so I think they were used to it by then, because I'd probably been talking about nuclear war, you know, for some all during the eighties as well. I remember writing a will on a cocktail napkin on a flight down to Florida, writing, you know, to my friends SHAWNA and Terry, you can have this record of mine,

you can have this T shirt of mine. I don't know why I thought if there was a plane crash that a cocktail napkin would survive, but I don't know what a weird thing to do is to sit with pen and paper and almost um, not glorified, but give in to your worst fears. And after that trip, I just couldn't handle what felt like a three hour I can't breathe feeling. And I said to my parents, it's not worth it anymore. I don't want to fly. I don't want to go on these vacations. And it's I mean,

it's not tragic story. I was thirteen, it's fine, like, we don't need to keep going to disney World. Now I'm you know, becoming a teenager. And you know, even though I loved disney World and still do you know, I gotta actually I think it's corny and all that stuff. But you know, okay, great, so you say, well, some people never get to go to Disney World. What's what's

the big issue it is on it? But it was just that I had trained myself to believe something that totally was not true, that I was participating in something very dangerous, and I was tired of risking my life, you know, And I just continued to have an anxiety disorder after that, unrelated to being in airplanes. You'll hear me talk about it on other episodes with guests, so I won't get into it. We'll just stick to the flying.

But then I went to college, um, you know, only twenty minutes away from where I grew up, and there were a few things at my college where you could go study abroad, and I didn't do that because I was too afraid to fly. And I just thought, I mean, I even looked down on the the other kids that went and thought, God, they're risking their life just to go to Amsterdam. I mean, I mean, I really thought this was a risk. Now, I don't know, I don't

know what kind of things got in my head. I remember when I was in eleventh grade in high school, I was taking French as my language elective, and there was talk of maybe we go on a field trip to France, and the first Iraq War had just started, and some of the moms got together and talked to the principle and they said they were worried about just overall terrorism in the world, and and hijacking of planes was kind of a big thing in the eighties, and

this was like early nineties. But I don't know if they were worried about that. So we decided we'll just take a bus and go up to Montreal. And I was so relieved, and I can't believe I was relieved and was like, oh good, I'm going to get on a Grayhound bus. But you know that's what a fear flying will do. So then I get out of college and I just, yeah, I'm never going to get on

a plane again, is what I think. And my mom found this I don't know article in the Boston Globe about a class you could take at the airport at Logan Airport in Boston, and it was a class for fearful flyers taught by a psychiatrist named Dr al four Gioni Rest in Peace, Dr l And it was called Logan's Heroes, which, if you don't understand, is a pun. There was a TV show, a comedy about Nazis called

Hogan's Heroes. Anyway, that we were Logan's hero So I sign up for the class, and now my fear of flying is so bad that I can't even be on the highway driving to the airport. And you start to see those signs for the airport. That is when the insane panic attacks would begin, the kind of panic attacks where my entire body. I'm not joking, head to toe, violent shaking and shivering. If I were driving a car,

probably would crash it into the guardrail. And so my dad would drive me to the airport every Tuesday night from six to nine pm to take this class with Dr Al four GIONI. It was in the Delta Airlines lounge. You know, this is pre n eleven, pre security at airports. I mean this is this is almost like right at the gate, you know. And we met Dr Al and I'm the youngest person in class by twenty years. Everyone in there, there's probably maybe eight other people, and yeah,

they're all in their forties and their fifties. A lot of it is their kids left home for the first time, their kids, you know, went to college somewhere out of state, or they got married and moved away, and the parents are afraid to get on planes to visit them. They don't know what's happening. They've never had this fear. It was sort of came on them in midlife. And they all had different things. And yeah, they all had physical anxiety like me, but they also had other stuff that

I didn't necessarily have. You know, some of them just um, I didn't like being strapped in in a seatbelt. That didn't bother me. Some of them were really afraid of terrorism. I don't think I was totally that afraid of it. That we all had different things, but I really felt like I was the only one that was sitting there in the room not able to breathe, just because I was simply in the airport. I mean, I was getting lightheaded just sitting at the table, and we were in

this room that was just wall to wall windows. The windows were shut, the shades were shut, and Dr L opened the shade a little bit and you could see the nose of a plane just right there. And I swear to you it was as though I was on a plane that was taking off. The panic was intense. And he shut the shade and said, we're not there yet where we can look at the planes, but that's what's coming, and pretty soon every class the shades will be open and we'll just be watching planes take off

in the background. I mean, just that thought to me was like, I I can't come back to this class. But I loved Dr L. I loved his irreverence, and I always think I want to be a doctor al in term of the way I approached talking about anxiety. He was so well, he just didn't have anxiety, but he understood what it was. And again this is you could still smoke inside back in those days, and he would drink his coffee, he would eat McDonald's and smoke

cigarettes while he taught class. And every week we'd go over a different aspect of, you know, working on our anxiety, and and one of the weeks he talked about the things we put in our body and how it affects us. You know, drinking a pepsi or a coke on the plane is just full of sugar and that is going to go straight to your adrenals and it's going to make you anxious. Drinking coffee, I mean, this seems so obvious, but you know, you might not think about that stuff.

Drinking coffee, um, drinking alcohol. You may feel like it's calming you down, but it's dehydrating you. It's removing important electrolytes from your body, which you know you're you're getting dehydrated and kind of losing electrolytes when you're up in the air anyway, so it's really important to stay hydrated. It actually really helps your nervous system, and so alcohol can end up feeling a little bit at first like it's helping, but then eventually it just turns into sugar

and you're anxious and hydrated and possibly drunk. And so he said no alcohol. And again this is I think you could still smoke on planes at this point, and he said no smoking. And so this woman said, well, dr al, you're sitting there drinking coffee and smoking. How come you can do it? And he said, I'm not the one who's anxious, and he had the greatest Boxton accent. I don't know what you had to be there, but

every week it was a new thing. One week we had a pilot come in and answered all of our questions, is turbulence? Okay, what about if the plane gets hit by lightning? And he explained to us that a plane could still get hit by lightning and be okay. In fact, some planes, if they get hit on the nose with lightning what's called a great ball of fire, can travel

down the aisle and everything will still be fine. I remember, I think the movie Apollo thirteen had just come out, and this one woman in classed, no, no, what if the plane, Um, it just goes too high and and and you know, we're trapped in space. And he said, well, ma'am, planes can't leave the Earth's atmosphere. And then she she seemed embarrassed that she'd have been asked, and she want, are fine, I didn't know. I'm not a pilot, and he said, that's okay, ma'am, there's no stupid questions. She

was like, well, clearly there is. Like I don't know what's gone on with her. That day, there was another woman in the class who was taking the class because she had tickets to fly the Concorde. I don't know if you remember that, uh that that plane is not in use anymore. It used to fly you from America to Europe in three hours and it went like supersonically high, and she was afraid of that, and so she wanted to take this class in order to get on the Concorde.

And she was like this fancy, very wealthy woman. And you know, one class we learned about progressive muscle relaxation, which again is my favorite thing in the world for anxiety. I can't believe I haven't talked about it more on this podcast, but it's basically as simple as tightening musts

and then releasing them. I did talk about it a little on the Doctor Lauana Marquez episode, But what Dr Al taught us is you can't just go on a plane with anxiety and start jumping into your solutions thinking that the work if you haven't practiced when you're not on the plane. And so every night I listened to a tape that's right at cassette tape narrated by Dr Al himself, and I would do progressive muscle relaxation in my parents living room. It was about a twenty minute

tape and I did it every night. And the reason you do that is because you're most likely not panicking when you're at home in the living room and you go through the progressive muscle relaxation and you teach your body that first of all, just doing it is relaxing, but you do it in a safe space, and you do it every night, so that if you have a flight, you know in six weeks, you do it every night for six weeks, and then when you get on the plane,

you start going into your progressive muscle relaxation and something in your body kind of clicks and says, this is what we do in a safe space. And it's not the only thing. You're not going to be cured of your fear flying if you do that. But it's a really good tool. But to really, really really have it work, you must practice progressive muscle relaxation every day leading up to the thing that you're going to use progressive muscle

relaxation for. We learned about relaxing our bodies. We learned about not putting all of you know, sugar, alcohol, caffeine, tobacco into our systems. We had the pilot teach us things. We learned how to rate our anxiety on a scale of zero to ten. And throughout this I think it was an eight to ten week course. Throughout these weeks, we began to rate our anxiety at the beginning of every class, and mine was still pretty up there. I mean mine was a five, and other people would be

like a two. I'm at a two, I'm at a zero. I loved the class though, and I loved listening to the relaxation and tapes every night and again that that great Boston accent of dr Al. Relax your cobs, relax your arms. So the class would culminate in a round trip flight from Boston's Logan Airport, Logan's Heroes to LaGuardia, New York and back. That's a forty five minute flight each way, so ninety minutes to and the class before the final flight, we just went on a plane and

I was so afraid to get on the plane. I didn't trust the doctor. I thought that they were going to somehow get a pilot in there and have the plane take off. Go ah see. I knew you guys could do it. I was terrified. I didn't like being on the plane. And everybody else in the class when they walked on the plane and we sat down and we put our seatbelt on, and we started doing the progressive muscle relaxation. We started practicing getting used to feeling

like being on a plane. Everyone else and Dr al Mans d he's down to a one or two. Mine was twenty. And I did not know how I was going to handle the flight. The next week and we all showed up at the airport again, paid cash for our flights. I don't even think you had to show your I D. I mean, I feel like it was I feel like, how am I not a hundred years old? Stories like that, And at the last minute. I got so scared, I asked my mom to join me on

the flight because my parents were with me at the airport. Now, I don't know why I asked my mom. Isn't like she was some like fearless flying you know, dynamo. I mean, she wasn't a fearful flyer, but she wild. She didn't sit near me, she she just was on the plane. I think my reasoning for that was there was something in the back of my head that's like, I don't want my mom to dine. If I really thought we were going to dine in this plane, I wouldn't ask her to come on. So it was like that kind

of thing. So I was sitting next to the doctor and we get on the plane and there are you know, quote normal people on this flight to their business people going from Boston to New York City in the morning. This is a weekday morning. And we're sitting there on the flight and uh Dr Al says b again the relaxation and he is calling out to us the progressive muscle relaxation moves and people are turning around, and he goes,

these are fearless flyers. These are Logan's heroes. They have taken this class to overcome their fear of flying, and and everyone started applauding, Oh good for you. So we're up there and I am terrified. I mean, I do not relate to anyone. I am white knuckling. The doctor is taking my hand and trying to un white knuckle it, and he's saying, Jennifer, are you really this afraid? And I said yeah, and he's like, you know, he seems

so disappointed. Now as a hyper vigilant, anxious person, I was counting down these seconds until the flight was going to land, and I knew we were over New York City, and I'm thinking, why aren't we landing? And nobody else is noticing. They're all looking out the window. They're they're like practically like face smosh, like like they're trying to jump out the window. Doctor. All my anxiety is a zero. I love it up here. I love it, and I'm like, I hate the right brothers. Why did they have to

invent flight? We should all just stay on the ground. It's so much easier. I am freaking out and I am saying why aren't we landing? And the pilots like we're going to circle the airport and I don't want why why are we circling? Why? What's going on? I'd never been in a plane that had to circle before. It seemed like something really bad must be happening, which if your pilot ever has to circle the airport, that

thing bad is happening. But anyway, we landed late. But when we got to the airport there was a different vibe than had been at the Boston airport. And again this is so pre nine eleven, well but five years. But there was no going through our bags or metal detectors. That was not a thing. But there was some It wasn't the National Guard, but it was some uniformed people there, and we had to, you know, go back in the airport and get our boarding pass for the flight back

to Boston, and you know, get back in line. And and they went through our purses, and it was like the injustice of it. What don't mean you're going through my things? And that the fancy woman had this really elaborate pen, and I remember that they're dismantling my pen. They were taking her pen apart. And I said to the doctor, why is this like weird swat team going through our things? What is going on? Why was the why was the flight circling? And uh? Because I saw

the doctor talking to one of these security guys. And the doctor was like, alright, alright, don't tell the other people. There was a little incident with a bomb threat. It's fine. I'm like, a bomb threat. What happened? And he's like, I don't know. There was a bomb threat in the parking garage, but it's all set. And I said, well, did they find a bomb? No? And I said, well did they find the person? He said no. I said, well,

wait a minute. I'm supposed to feel better that there was a bomb threat, but no bomb or person was found. So we just keep going. I mean, we don't shut it down until we absolutely find a bomb. If we have to take apart the entire airport, brick by brick, what if what if the bomb is on a plane.

That's so that's where the guy put it. He was hiding in the parking garage and and the you know, the authorities were called, and then he went, oh, I gotta go, and he ran then put it on a plane when no one was looking, and the doctor was like, Jennifer, please, we'll be right back. So we get back on the flight or not get back on the flight. But we go in the next plate, flying home again. Everyone's like, Doctor,

my anxiety is at a zero. My anxiety is nine billion trillion now at this point, because I am convinced there's a bomb on the plane and that nobody looked thoroughly enough, and I am just I mean, I can't believe it didn't break Dr Alfour June's arm. I am just gripping his arm. My mom's in the back of the plane waving high. I'm trying to do my breathing, but it's coming out, and I'm staying to the doctor. Basically, I'm saying, look at these idiots with their anxieties at

a zero. You know, they should know that they're sitting here not feeling anxious, but there was a bomb threat at the airport. They need to know the truth. And he's like, they don't need to know the truth. It makes no difference. You know, these things happen sometimes. You you still, this is not an excuse to be anxious, you know what I'm yelling. They need to know the truth. I'm not yelling it. So we land and then I tell I said, can I tell the class can't find it.

I'm like, there was a bomb threat LaGuardia just and they're like, they're even more delighted that. I don't know, I don't know, they're more delighted that they heard about it and went, oh well, I mean I think I still would have gotten on the plane because I wasn't anxious and I thought I was gonna I don't know what I was trying to do. I was just trying to get someone to be anxious because I thought it was I thought it was such a freak for being anxious.

And the doctor took me aside and said, I think you have more than a phobia of flying. I think you have an anxiety to order. And you know, I don't know if he used those exact words, but I think he said, like, you're anxious. And we did use the word anxiety in the in the Fear of Flying class, but but he he got it through my head that I maybe just anxious in general. And you know, I started going to talk therapy and I learned, how do

you know not really have panic attack? I was having panic attacks everywhere, So I was trying to deal with places I went to every day. First, before I thought about going to therapy for this fear of flying. I mean, honest to God, after that class, I thought it didn't work for me. So I will stay put where I am in this abject fear of flying. And I don't need to fly anywhere, and I don't have any money anywhe I'm a broke post college student with student debt

and a degree in theater. So here I am a waitress and you know where are my flying Cut to maybe five years later and living in New York City, I'm a you know, working a day job as a temp and I'm doing stand up at night and uh dating this guy and his friend is getting married in Italy. They're they're having some kind of you know, he's marrying some fancy lady. And the whole thing is paid for. My boyfriend at the time was in the wedding party.

He got a free flight, including my ticket. If I had gone to pose Atano, Italy, staying in like a little cottage, just first class all the way flight to Italy. Now I wouldn't go. Now. The reason I wouldn't go is because of a few things I had flown since the fear of flying. Class. I had flown to and from Los Angeles. I had been booked to perform stand up comedy on this little Comedy Central show that hasn't been on the air in twenty years, and I knew I have to get on this plane. I nothing more

than to do my first television appearance. And I was seeing a talk therapist at the time and a psychiatrist because I was on antidepressants, and he prescribed at a van I think it was zan X for the flight, and I swear I don't remember any instructions about how to take the Zanex. I just knew how many you could take, and then you stop at that certain amount, don't take more than that. And I go to the airport.

I mean, by myself. It was terrifying, and I can't swallow when I'm anxious, and so I couldn't take the Zanex. I hadn't thought to take it before going to the airport. I I don't know what I thought. I wasn't thinking preventatively about, oh, the anxious feelings will come. I just I don't know. It's out of my mind, and so I couldn't swallow. I could not get that pill down. I was just like, I'm going to die. I can't breathe. I feel feelings of unreality. I feel like I'm fainting.

My heart is racing, my palms are sweaty. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm just going to explode. I'm just going to die. This is unsafe. I'll never be said. I mean, just intense. And I just remember seeing a pilot sitting in a restaurant at the airport and I went up to him and said, I mean, I couldn't even speak, and I said, it's flying really safe? Is flying really safe? I was acting like I don't even know what a child maybe, and He's like, yeah, yeah,

it's very safe. And I have to go to l A and I, I mean, I was just like that, and um, he said you might want to go up to the gate and ask them for help getting on the plane. I said, I'd take this medication. He said you should take it now, and maybe he was basically suggesting, like maybe someone canna help you walk on the plane. You can get a little wheelchair thing, And so I felt safe next to him. So I took one of the Zanex and I swallowed it down and almost choked.

And then I because my throat was so closed up and then I went to the gate and I said, I'm sorry to bother you. Can you look up is there anything to look up? Trains? Trains to um Los Angeles? Is there an amtrak? I mean literally asking the gate agent she's taking tickets, I mean the plane is boarding, and she's like no, and I'm like, I think, you know there's no internet back that this is like I think I could I think I could him. I think

I could take trying to California. And you know, I was working it out in my head, and you know, the t V taping was the next day, so I don't think I get the train would get there in time. And I just find myself on the plane and it's huge the plane. I'm one of these weird people that when I'm anxious, I don't like big, wide open spaces. So some people might like a big plane with um you know, this plane was like three seats than an aisle, than five, than an aisle, than three or two five

and two or something like that. But I'd rather get on something smaller that just feels like, hey, we're all in this together, you know. I just want that tight, compressed feeling. And I was in the middle seat of the five seats, and it just felt, oh god, so untethered.

And I'm sitting there and I had bought a stuffed animal at the airport and I'm I'm just hugging this duck and and had a tag on it that said, Hi, my name is Honks, and I'm whispering to it hawks Hong songs like that, and I want to take another dand next, but I can't swallow. I have no idea when is the first one going to kick in. I don't have any idea that it takes, you know, thirty minutes.

I the first one still hadn't kicked in, and I'm sitting there and the plane is starting to TAXI, and I again, as though it's this feat of bravery, I swallow down another Zanex because again, my throat is so close up it feels like to swallow any water is to choke. And I'm just I'm getting to the point where I don't know how my heart could beat any faster. I don't know how these feelings of unreality could not

Just how did I not faint? I don't know. And the plane is taxing down the runway and I just think, Okay, I can't do it. I gotta get off. If I get to the cockpit, I can just be like, can you just slow down? I'm just gonna get off. I need to get off. It's an emergency. I was gonna even lie and say I was having a heart attack.

And I run up the aisle as the plane is starting to go faster and faster, as it's almost lifting it's wheels off the ground, and it is going faster and faster, and the flight attendants, two of them, these two women, see me. And again, these are when flights used to be pretty empty. There was not that many people on it. My entire row was empty. They came and not tackled me. This this you know again you hear a story about someone running up towards the cockpit.

It sounds like these people that are getting duct taped. I mean, this is just not that world. Uh. This is back when you could run up on a on a on a takeoff and and they kind of went and mam, sit down, sit down, I said, reading And they never being a heart attack, and uh, you know, they know panic when they see it. So I couldn't get them to stop the plane. And I asked politely, I said, do you think if there's any chance, but

like it's still really really again. And I told them the zand X isn't working, so it must be really bad. I don't think it's anxiety, think it's a heart attack, because they still feel this and and uh, I took one more and they sat with me. Um. I might be getting this a little wrong because but I feel like they they sat with me on takeoff. I might be wrong, but if not, it was one second after takeoff, once they were able to stand up, and they lifted up all of the arm rests and they got pillows

and blankets and this is not first class. And they kind of tucked me in and let me lay down and gave me my duck. How humiliating. That's how scared. I wasn't even care. And they put the seatbelt around me, and one of them sat with me and kind of like patted my hand, and I just at that point all three of the Zanex must have kicked in and I passed out and I woke up in Los Angeles and I was really pretty drugged. And that was how

I flew. So that was and the flight back. I literally when I say I don't remember, I mean I must have come back, but I must have just you know, taken a much bills fallen asleep. So when my boyfriend said we can go to Italy, I said, I'm never doing what I did again, and I'm not flying over the ocean, like in my mind, flying over the ocean is more dangerous than land. You know, had all these rules, and so I missed out on that trip. And uh, there were a few times when I did have to fly.

I had another day job in New York City where we had to fly to Boston on biz nous and I held it together a little better, I learned than by talking to my doctor. No, you take a zanex an hour before, and that really helped, Like, oh, I'm actually at the airport and not in a panic because I had taken the zanex an hour before, so I

was just a little relaxed. And the pressure of saving face in front of my bosses that really helped too, and just sitting with people and so I just tried to act like I wasn't scared and it sort of worked. But when I moved to l A, I did take a train. I took an amtrap and thus began living in l A. In two thousand and two and coming back for Christmas to my family Massachusetts once a year.

So it became this, I fly once a year and I spend oh, I don't know, seven months obsessively thinking and talking about the flight and and just you know, booking the flight and thinking, well, I could either take the ten thirty am flight or the noon. I think I went to do the noon, but what if the ten thirty am is the safe one and the noon is the one that's going to crash? You know that I would call friends, do you think I'm gonna be okay on the flight tomorrow, which now you know is

known as a reassurance seeking doesn't work at all. But I had my I think I was prescribed KONA been at that point, and so I had my drugs. I mean, I don't mean that to sound awful, but it did help. But it was again this um. You know, I took the most that I was allowed to take, and I didn't need to be that asleep, but it was it was almost like I need to be asleep before the plane takes off, and then I need to wake up as we're landing. I didn't want to have one second

of consciousness. And I would I somehow worked that out, But I mean I would wake up drooling on the person next to me. I mean one time I woke up and I was fully asleep on the shoulder of this old man next to me. And I woke up and his sleeve was wet from my drool, and he said that was nice. I felt like I had my granddaughter with me for six hours. Six hours I laid on this man's arm. It probably fell asleep, it probably

fell off. I probably gave him a blood clut, and so it It really never dawned on me that my life would involve flying. And one of the reasons I became a comedian is I wanted to do comedy, but I lived in New York City and I didn't know that you don't really get paid to do comedy clubs locally. Like the work is on the road, you know. And if you do some television work, you you do that because you want people to find out about you so they come see you in their city. You've got to

get on planes and travel. And I lived in l A for a while. I I had a manager and she had some clients that were comedians and they needed an opening act, you know, and I would go on the road as an opening act for people, and I would have to book flights and I would have to fly across the country, and it forced me to start practicing. And again, I I was in therapy. I knew about breathing.

I had my doctor for gione tips and tricks, but I wasn't doing them because I thought, well, they don't work obviously, well, yeah, they don't work, or not doing them,

you know. I would maybe do them halfheartedly, but I thought, well, I've got the pills and those work really well, but they don't really because I was always sort of you know, exhausted for for days after and again I would just it's like almost like putting yourself under anesthesia when you don't have to, you know, like I didn't have to be that lights out about everything. And and when you start to fly more often, you can't really live that way.

You know, once a year is fine. But it was starting to be like, oh, maybe once every two months, I would have to fly. And I started to kind of see a light at the end of the tunnel in the sense that I was starting to just have more experiences where I'm in more airports, I'm noticing how

many flights are going out. At the same time, I'm realizing this is something thousands of people do all day long in just in this airport alone, and I just came from another airport and there are thousands of people doing that to No planes are crashing, Everything's going fine. You know, at a certain point, I'm like choosing to believe something that's not true. It's like I'm choosing to believe the Earth is flat. I think I'm choosing to believe that this thing is not safe based on nothing.

I'm just a dumb comedian. So I start to practice flying. I get a job writing on this TV show called Chelsea Lately on the E Network, and you know, it's a bunch of comedians making jokes, and it helped all of our comedy careers. So now I'm starting to fly around the country a little more, and it's getting a little easier, and I'm flying with comedian friends, and I'm still using the pills as needed. I now have a routine.

I take it when I leave the house, I take one at the airport, and then if I'm still panicking, I take one on the plane. And so it actually would help I would not panic. I would just have kind of circular thinking anxiety and spend a lot of the flights saying to my friends, is this okay? Is that okay? Is that? But deep down I actually knew I think I enjoy this, This could be fun if I could just chill for a minute. But it was like, I can't chill because if I chilled, then the panic

will find me. And the one thing is I started to get used to flying around the country. The one thing I said to myself is okay, but I'm never going to fly to Europe. And then I got a gig in London and I had to fly to Europe. And I made it through that flight. I was I think I had what I call a week long panic attack in London. I was hyper ventilated, breathing the entire time. I was so freaked out that I was all the way what felt like all the way across the world.

I wasn't it was just across the pond, but all the way across into a different land mass. It just everything seemed the world still seemed huge to me, that everything seemed so scary. Okay, So I made it on the trip to London, still flying around the country here and there. And I said, okay, but the one thing I will never do is fly to Australia. That is ridiculous. That is a seventeen hour flight that is ocean the whole time. I don't need to go. I don't know

why I would just make up things. I'm never going to Australia. Well, the show I wrote on was kind of a hit in Australia and the network offered to pay all of us to fly to Sydney now first class flight on a flight to Australia from Los Angeles. That is that was nicer than my apartment at the time. I mean it was. And my boss he called me aside and he said, you know, I get your intense fear of flying. You don't have to come with us

to Australia. But there would be no way that I wouldn't have missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime. And I knew I have to do this, and I did it. I mean, I'm gonna be totally honest, it's kind of easy not to have anxiety. I'm not going to say in first class because I can have anxiety anywhere. But you know, you get this free flight, I had my meds. The flight attendants looked out for me. It's a lay down bed. I mean, I just slept a lot of the way. When we landed, I still felt

that same feeling of hyper ventilated breathing. For about a week. I was anxious just being there. It felt scary and dangerous. And then I made it through it. I made it through it again on the flight home. And when I landed on the flight home, I felt like a changed person. Something cracked open in me and I said, I have to keep doing this. I have to keep practicing. I

should go to Europe again for fun. I should book a trip with a friend, and I did and we went a few months later, I started to fly more and more for stand up and I it's almost like I made a decision. Okay, Jen, you keep doing the thing that you say you're never going to do. You keep doing the scariest thing in the world, and you keep surviving. At what point do you want to thrive and enjoy this? Can you make a decision that you're going to start releasing this identity as a fearful flyer

because it has not served you. And then I started flying around the count Tree regularly. I started getting gigs in other countries. I got gigs in Ireland, Sweden, London again, Amsterdam, Norway, and then I started to become a regular at this festival in Melbourne, Australia. I flew to Australia four times round trip by myself. That was never an option in

my life New Zealand. I I started to love the flight to Australia so much that when it landed, I'd be like, oh, I could have done eight more hours, you know, because it becomes an entire day up there. I rena turn some emails and then gonna watch a movie. Oh, and here's dinner. Oh, and then I'm going to read a book. I became addicted to the bravery that I felt, even though there's nothing to be I wasn't feeling brave anymore like I cheated death, the plane was going to crash.

I just mean I felt brave that I was confronting my fears. And I got addicted to feeling good about flying. I got addicted to the power trip of look at me, I'm have grown up flying. And by the way, this one day I said I'm not going to take the clono bin. I'm just gonna get on a plane and I have it in case I'm panicking like crazy, and

guess what, I didn't need it. And so then I just started flying around the country fifty times a year, no drugs at all, and I think, I think I had actually trained my body by using by using that um klono bin, and people can use an X out of it by using it once you leave the house, once you get to the airport, it's like it's like now when I fly. I swear it was like a Pavlovian response, where now I'm at the airport, no drugs in my system at all, and I feel relaxed. Now. Again,

the use of drugs may not be for everyone. Maybe you need a beta block or maybe you don't need a drug at all. But I'm just telling you this is just my story. But I think the drugs helped me in the sense that I was able to experience um no symptoms of anxiety in the airport enough times that it became routine. And then I took the training wheels off, didn't take the pills, and went, yeah, this is real. I actually feel relaxed. So that is my story. I now get on planes all the time I have

feelings of discomfort on flights. I don't like turbulence. It bothers me. It I live in in Los Angeles, UM as well, and I don't like earthquakes. It reminds me of earthquakes where it's like, I'm not scared. I know it's not the big one, but it does something to my nervous system. That's not my favorite, but that that's not a phobia. That's just like, yeah, turbulence is uncomfortable,

but my mind doesn't tell a story anymore. Do I like the feeling sometimes of when the plane's first taking off and you kind of your your brain might go up your trapped now for six hours. I don't love it, but I don't let my brain do that to me. Like you know, my brain is gonna think thoughts. I can't stop them from happening, but I can stop myself from going Oh, let me think that over and over.

So in the next part of this episode, and I know this is a long or one, I will talk about my personal tips and tricks for when I get on a flight and what I do during a flight. Then I will talk about what actually is happening to your body when you're on a plane. I will talk a little bit about the realities of turbulence and some of the just the mechanics of flying, and then we'll

end with a progressive muscle relaxation. But I will say to just to wrap up my story, part of it all is that it's really hard to be someone who has a phobia of flying, who only gets to fly once a year, if it's because that's when your business trip is or you go home for the holidays. It is something that takes practice. And if you don't have that opportunity where you have a job where you have to fly, you may not have the same story as me where you get better due to having to practice.

But I think there are ways to cheat that, and you can practice without actually having to get on a plane. You can practice thinking about being on a plane. You can practice the kind of thoughts that you think. So I'll get into that next. So let's just get to some facts about this very real phobia. According to very well mined dot com, aero phobia that is the fear of flying. It's also known sometimes as a vio phobia.

Now I'm not going to get into right now, the statistics that air travel is actually safer, which is that does not sue anyone right now. But let's just name what you might have, what we might have, and move on from there. So lots of people are afraid to fly to some degree, but a smaller portion of people actually meet the criteria for a phobia diagnosis. The symptoms of a vio phobia or aerophobia people who are traveling by air or even sometimes just thinking about flying, which

is known as the anticipatory anxiety. And that doesn't just begin, you know, as you're driving to the air part. You can have anticipatory anxiety about a flight three months in advance,

while you're just sitting at home watching a movie. The symptoms of aerophobia, including even the anticipatory anxiety on the ground, are chills, choking sensations, clouded thinking, disorientation, flushed skin, gastro intestinal upset, increased heart rate, irritability, nausea, shaking, shortness of breath, sweating, and in some instances, people will experience a full blown panic attack that's accompanied by more symptoms of heart palpitations,

feeling detached from reality, and a fear of dying. I wouldn't even say it's a fear of dying. I would say it's a certainty in that moment that you are dying. I mean a fear of dying. Yeah, who doesn't. But for me, when I've been in a panic attack, I know I'm dying in that moment, even though I'm not. Now. There's related conditions that also clog up the works here. If you also have caustrophobia, that can affect you having a fear of flying because you are in confined quarters

and there's a lack of personal space. If you have a fear of heights, that can also exacerbate a fear flying. And if you have social or germ phobias, social anxiety disorder or fear of germs, well, that could also go into your fear of flying because you are spending a lot of time with strangers on planes that might talk to you and their germs. There are also physical disorders

that can contribute to a phobia flying. If you have sinus issues, vertigo, chronic sinus problems, ear disorders, you might have this very real fear that you're going to develop discomfort on the plane, which can give you anticipatory anxiety. It can lead to symptoms of anxiety on the plane

or even a full blown panic attack. If you have cardiovascular disease or other conditions that increase your risk of blood clots, you may be anxious about flying and start to you know, fantasize I'm gonna get deep vein thrombosis on a flight. So obviously, talk to your doctor about any of these conditions you have. In your doctor can explain the acts to you. This is how safe it is to fly. Here's how you overcome some of these symptoms.

Blah blah blah. Now, according to this website, the causes of fear flying are not known, but some things can play a role. Obviously, I mean this is my favorite one. If you've experienced a traumatic flight or plane crash, well, yet, no duck, and most people I know, and myself, my phobia of flying had zero to do with a plane crash, and in fact I had the opposite of plane crashes. I had dozens of successful flights, and yet I insisted what I was doing was abnormal, not safe, very dangerous,

very traumatizing. But I get it. Of course, that can happen, they say, even if you watch extensive news coverage of airline disasters, that can be enough to trigger a fear of flying. And of course, I mean when I was growing up again, as I said, in the eighties, there was always a news story. You know, it probably wasn't even as often as it felt, but once every few years there was a flight that blew up overseas or

there was a hijacking. And they don't do news stories about every single successful flight around the world every day. There's not enough hours in the day to cover those. And so you see a story, you know, one, two, three times in a period of a few years, that's all you think about when you think about flying. Oh, the Lockerbie tragedy, Oh the time this plane was hijacked.

And at that point it's hard to convince you, well, there's forty million other news stories about flights that don't get hijacked and don't crash, and I don't want to hear about those because we start to think, well, what about me, What if I'm on one of those flights. Environment if your parents had a fear flying, if anyone you know how to fear flying, you may internalize their trepidation and then other related circumstances. Now this for me, you know, because if I go okay, I watched too

much news about plane crashes. Okay, my parents had a fear flying. What does that get me? I can't work on that per se, But other related circumstances is something I find very interesting about anxiety on flights. So it says that a fear flying that develops soon after a job promotion, for example, that requires travel, could be caused by concerns about the job itself or its impact on

your daily life. Or children who fly frequently to visit divorced parents sometimes develop aerophobia as a coping mechanism for the trauma of the divorce. So two things here. One, I mean, I think you've I think you've heard this before, but you have no control over life to a point, right, I mean you you were born without your consent and you will someday die. That is for me, a giant existential what the fuck? That is? Wow? That one just

silently plagues me. Right, So I had to do work on that notion because I don't walk around thinking that, but maybe I should because it helps. Now I don't walk around thinking about it obsessively, but I note, oh yeah, that gives me a little bit of angst. So what do I do about it? I get into acceptance. I breathe,

I meditate, I I accept the thoughts. I let them stay, but I don't ruminate and go down a rabbit hole, which then goes into I'm completely out of control and I'm going to have a painful, lonely death and I'm gonna be gasping for bread and everything is terrible. I don't go there, but I let myself just with a sense of humor saying it's crazy wow. And then I get into wonderment and gratitude, where it's like, wow, well, how the how did that happen? I did I win

some kind of lottery. I get to be one of the souls on this earth. Wow, that is wild. And yeah, nobody gets out of here alive, including you know, insert the name of your favorite person here and uh uh cool. Well you know what, Wow, you know, I just I just get into that kind of wonderment instead of getting

into this doom and gloom. Now. But that whole notion, right, the whole existential notion of lack of control, I don't think we bring it to the forefront of our minds, and so it just runs around in the back of our head until we get on something like an airplane which somebody else is flying, were in the air and we really have no control. Now it's hard to believe we have the same amount of no control up there as we did in the airport. It just it's just

more heightened and we're more aware of it. I mean, there was even a study that came out that said people tend to enjoy movies more that they watch on airplanes. There's this like heightened intensity going on in your body, even if it's not a bad thing, and people tend to cry more at movies on planes that in you know, on the ground they would just be like, oh, those are okay movie. But we're so emotional and affected by things.

So when I'm in a plane, or when I used to be in a plane and have this phobia, it was like that notion of just the utter lack of control that life itself is. It would come to not quite the forefront, but it would get activated and I wouldn't know why I was panicking, Which leads to what this are Well just said about kids who are, you know,

kind of traumatized by a divorce. They're traveling by by plane to visit their parents, and now they're having panic attacks anxiety attacks developing a phobia of flying, and that is called avoidance coping. It's a maladaptive form of coping in which a person changes their behavior to avoid thinking about, and feeling or doing difficult things. So, in a weird way, developing a phobia of flying lets you concentrate on that. You know, Oh my god, what's going on the plane?

What's going on the pilot? You know, I think he looked kind of shady. What's that noise? I don't know what that is? Should we really be flying? It's a little turbulent up here. Oh my god, I can't breathe. You know, all of that takes you away from the real thing underneath, which is in the example that they gave this this kid that needs to cope with their feelings about their parents divorce. For me, it was I needed to cope with the overall lack of control I

have in life. I hadn't really in a mature way, look did that. And so once they started looking at things in therapy that really don't have anything to do with aerophobia, you know, I didn't do I did the exposure therapy in the fear flying course. That didn't quite work for me. As the only tool because I had other things to address, and so as I just went through therapy and learned. I don't know how to say this, but terra lax a little bit in life and to

bring what's really underneath it to the forefront. Then I could cope with it and learn thoughts stopping and replacing thoughts that did help. I think that's where it ultimately things started to get underway. Now. Obviously, the treatment for a phobia of flying is cognitive behavioral therapy, systematic desensitization. That's sort of what I went through with having to fly for work, gradually progressive exposure to a fear or the situation, and then there is even hypnotherapy people can do.

There are group classes, and I, by the way, I highly recommend those group classes. I just had a little more than a phobia going on, but it was incredibly helpful and it's one of the tools in my tool kit. Everything I learned in Logan zeroes. Obviously, there's medication, and medication does help. I mean, obviously, as I've told you, it was a big part of my story, but I don't think I would have ever gotten to the point where I can fly without medication without also the talk therapy.

It really is a little bit of everything for me. And of course, um putting together a relaxation toolkit, which I will tell you about in a moment about my tool kit, and I'll give you some you know, advice on what you might want to do. Now. It's so different now to that than you know, I mean in my day. But I mean, I'm I was reading an article that that flights Now, Um, you know, there's gonna be stretching and meditation classes added to some Delta Airlines flights.

Peloton will be doing this. Um, you know, it's going to be on the seat, the screen under your Seat's not like a teacher's gonna come in higway, buddy, but um, Peloton on which normally you have to have one of those you know, Peloton machines. And this is the first time Peloton content will be available outside its app or utilities and it will be on the back of your

seat in a Delta flight. So just the even the notion that the airlines recognized that people need to relax on planes was something that I didn't have the luxury of, you know, coming up with during my years of a fear flying I would look around and everyone seemed to find me. Everyone seemed quote normal, not worried. So the fact that you can just get on a plane and there's there's this, you know. And on some of the Jet Blue flights now they have these almost like radio

stations as part of their in flight entertainment. You can put on headphones and listen to a meditation. I mean that, the fact that that's even being recognized as something everyone needs to me is a big part of being able to say some feelings of discomfort and anxiety are normal. It's okay, I'm not dying. My thoughts about how unsafe airline travels are not true. So according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America website a d a a dot org, overcoming a fear flying takes a lot of

courage and practice. Fear of flying is not a single phobia. Most people who fear flying have a bunch of different phobias working at once. Like we talked about, it could be claustrophobia, could be a bunch of different things. But a phobia is an intense fear that is out of proportion to the danger. Most flight phobics agree that flying is safe yet frightening, and they have a hard time

reconciling their fear with safety statistics. Although we know our phobias are not logical, we cannot reason ourselves out of one. And it's true because we didn't reason ourselves into one, because our phobias are not reasonable. But our flying phobias have triggers. Those are thoughts, images, sensations, and memories to which we have become sensitized. A person who is sensitized to certain bodily feelings might fee or turbulence or normal

takeoff and landing. The list of triggers can be long. Turbulence, takeoff landings, terrorism crashes, social anxiety, being too far from home, you know, using the toilets, what if there's violence on a plane. Others just have a random bad feeling about

their flight. That is mine, Oh, I have a bad feeling, like suddenly I'm psychic, and it's so interesting when I you know, I had to look at some of the not actual narcissistic personality disorder, but for lack of a better word than narcissism, the self involvement of thinking that here I am on a flight and I've got a bad feeling about this flight. You know, I'm getting on that plane going I think this thing is going down. I don't give a deep about anyone else on the flight.

I'm not going to the person next to me, you should really get off this plane. Um, I have a bad feeling about this flight. We're going down. I don't say to the pilot, I have a bad feeling about this flight. You should really check the brakes. I don't. I don't care about the other people. And if I take apart that thought process, if I really hone in on it, which I did one time on a plane, and it kind of blew my mind, it's that. Well, I don't think. I'm not worried for them. It's a

cognitive it doesn't make sense. Well, I don't think it's going to happen to them. Wait wait, wait, wait, wait, So you have a bad feeling about this flight, it's gonna crash and not affect anyone. But you wait, this

isn't rational, you know. You start to here, you start to just instead of quickly believing your thoughts, you start to I mean, imagine if someone knocked on your door right now and said your house is on fire and then ran away, would you run after that person and go tell me more about my house being on fire, tell me every detail you know, or would you look around at the house you're standing in and go, it's

not on fire. You know. It was like my thoughts were this runaway neighbor saying weird things to me, and I followed them instead of following my own thought process, which is looking around and going, okay, wait, so if I really think something bad is going to happen, why don't I care about the person next to me that's not like me? Okay, So this is disordered thinking something's

going on here. Now. I can't exactly just get over my phobia in that second, but it and it helps to start to question yourself and not take your fear so seriously. Because I know a lot of people say I have a fear of flying. It's like, have you made a decision, just even just making the decision. I do not want to have one, and I'm in control of that. Just saying that I want to love flying, or I know that I do love flying, it's just

being covered up by this bizarre fear. It can be hard to say because I used to identify with my fear of flying. No, no no, no, I need to keep it. It's it's charming, it's my identity, or it keeps me safe. You know. Somewhere in that spectrum is where I lived. What's also behind the phobia and the fear, the common denominator from where the nine of flight phobics is the fear they will be overwhelmed with anxiety during the flight. And that that's what mine has become as a fear

of fear. So when I'm tired, when I'm a little bit maybe I'm hungry, maybe I'm just you know, just a little bit out of sorts physically, I will have a fear of fear of getting on a flight. I mean, when I flew for the first time after not ha been flown for a year and a half during the lockdown part of the pandemic and pre vaccine, I I wondered, well, well, well my fear flying does come back? You know, if I lost it, I I lost all my coping mechanisms, and you know, and then I little fear of fear.

But it was okay. It was not a full blown phobia. It was just, yeah, we had a little bit of a fear of fear. It says people who experienced unexpected panic while flying, then fear that's something unexpected like panicking will happen again on their next flight. These panics typically emerged between the ages of seventeen to thirty four, and they are around the time of a significant life change

could be birth, death, marriage, divorce, or graduation. This is why a lot of times with flying phobias that come at you at a certain point in life, they wonder why have they been able to fly so comfortably before? And that was what I experienced. In my Logan's heroes classes. These were adults who were kind of going through empty nest syndrome. Their kids weren't at home, they were probably a little bit of a midlife That was why for me it was more of an intense phobia and anxiety disorder.

Um and experts have divided fearful flyers into three main groups. One those who don't fly or haven't flown for more than five years despite the opportunity to do so. To those who fly only when absolutely necessary with extreme terror, and three those who fly when required but with anxiety. I was all three in that order and then became

number four unafraid to fly. So the elements of successful treatment, according to the a d A, is that any successful treatment will help fearful flyers manage anticipatory anxiety as well as the anxiety during a flight. Obviously, there's cognitive behavioral therapy that is tailored to flying, diaphgmatic breathing to use on the flight. Um education how the plane flies, facts about turbulence, the meaning of various bumps and sounds during a flight. So let's get into that. Let's just get

into the safety. I know nobody wants to hear this, but we have to because these are facts and you're not allowed to ignore facts. So any time you board a flight on a major carrier, your chance of being in a fatal accident is one in seven million. And that doesn't matter whether you fly once every three years or every day of the year. Your odds don't go

up the more you fly. If you did fly every day of your life, the probability indicates it would take you nineteen thousand years before you would succumb to a fatal accident. Nineteen thousand years. Your chances of dying on a train are one in one million. Those are great odds, but flying coast to coast is ten times safer. Than the train. One hundred and thirty people are killed daily and auto accidents that's every day, and that's forty seven

thousand a year. A sold out jet would have to crash every day of the week with no survivors to equal the highway deaths per year in this country. Now, I have to be really honest. Once I really let the facts sink in, I did develop a little phobia of driving. Um that I don't have anymore. It's not a phobia, but I don't love it because I am so well aware, you know. I mean, I'm you're driving on the freeway and there's traffic. Why because there's an

accident up ahead. I mean, may not be fatal, but it's at the very least annoying, and you gotta keep driving. I mean, when we're flying in the air, it's not like folks were gonna circle for a while. There's two plane crashes of a had that never happens. You are nineteen times safer in a plane in a car. So here's here's what's crazy. So whenever we fly, we have a one one hundred thousand of one percent chance of dying.

That's point zero zero zero zero one death by odds smoking by or before at five one and six hundred. Look at your Facebook or your your social media. You know six people, even if you don't know all of them personally. One in six hundred. I used to smoke a half a pack to a pack good day during the times when I wouldn't get on a plane because

I was too phobic. I'm killing myself slowly smoking and thinking it won't get me and I won't get on a plane, which is actually not at all a threat, thinking ah ha, I'm cheating death by not getting on that plane. I mean, this is where it's important to go. See, this just doesn't make sense. We're holding on two things that don't make sense because we're either getting something out of it. For me, it was putting everything into My phobia of flying was my avoidance of looking at actual

issues in my day to day life. A car trip coast to coast one and fourteen thousand, bicycle accident one in eighty eight thousand. It keeps going up and up till we get to commercial jet airline one in seven million. And you guys can do your own research on turbulence. Oh my god, I didn't mean to say do your own research like a conspiracy theorist. But um, you know, turbulence is really just air moving from one place to another. It's sort of like being on a ship that's you know,

in some rough seas. But again, the planes are built and designed to withstand turbulence. They can withstand so much more than you've seen. Honestly, the probability that you would get hurt during turbulence is if you've got out of your seat and bump your head. Like that's what they're worried about when they're like, sit down, stay stay buckled. They don't want you hitting your head. They're not like, sit down, stay buckled, because this is very dangerous. The

plane is going to break apart. That's not what they're saying. Their job is to keep you safe while you're on the plane. And they're probably thinking, oh god, we might have some unruly passengers that are having anxiety or whatever, and we've we just we have this sort of alarm in our voices. Everybody, sit down, strap in. It's really to prevent you from harming yourself, because then they've got to go take care of you, or god forbid, land

the plane somewhere and get you to a hospital. Or even worse, some mass hysteria breaks down on the plane because someone hits their head. They're trying to keep things going. That's why you have to sit down and strap in. It's not because there's any inherent danger with the plane. Is fine, you are not. The plane will be fine. But you cannot walk around a plane while it's bopping around in the air because you will lose your balance and you will fall down and you will hit yourself

in the face on the arm of someone's chair. That's that's the real danger. So you can prevent that by sitting down and buckling up. But otherwise they are not trying to imply in any way the plane is in danger, because if it was, they'd be like, you know what, bucket, this plane is going down. Have fun, smoke him while you got him, take the seatbelt off. Who gives a ship? You know? I mean, I don't think they would do that, But if it helps you to think of funny things

like that, then then let it help you. So I will give you my tool kit. Now, I know this sounds crazy, but I had a what I'm about to say with sound crazy. I had a psychiatrist that I saw for twenty years and he would prescribe my medication as needed for flying, and you know, it just it's a certain point it just got to think exhausting for him, where he's like, do you ever just think I don't want this phobia anymore? And I was like yeah, and

he's like, well, then let's go from that point. Instead of your this victim of a phobia, what do we do? How about your an active partner in wanting to get rid of it? And in that mind shift, I felt this sense of control that I've been so lacking, you know. And I remember Dr Forgioni from Logan's Heroes used to say, get mad at the fear. I like that. That gives me something to do. You know, I'm a creative mind and I wasn't using my creativity for so many years.

I remember my psychiatrist was suggested things I thought were stupid, but I would think about them on the plane and I would start laughing and I kind of enjoyed it. He was like, think about you know, your anxiety is just it's like it's like imagined. Some mobsters got on the plane and they and they went over to you and said, hey, you always a hundred thousand dollars and you go, what are you talking about. I don't owe you anything. You've got the wrong girl. And he's like,

can you think of your anxiety like that? Like it's just interrupting you and saying crazy things that aren't true. And you'd be like, no know, And I was like what. I tried to make that analogy work in my head so many times, and usually I just ended up laughing at how dumb it I thought it was. And then at least that was a relief, you know, to to

be able to laugh at something. But I did start to realize what he was saying, like, we've got to use our creative minds because our minds are going just nuts in those moments, you know, go right, go right, a disaster movie, you know, like that's creative, But in that moment, can you use your creative mind to think about other things? And there's also something called is that all you Got? It's a it's a type of coping with panic attacks. A lot of times in my panic

attack recovery, I would try to make myself panic. That was actually something that was prescribed to me, and you can't really make yourself panic, but it helps you to realize that panic attacks do just come out of nowhere. But when you're having one, if you say to yourself, come on, let's try to panic more. Let's try to panic more, it actually does the opposite. It's kind of a neat trick. When there's turbulence. My psychiatrists recommended that

I think this, this isn't turbulence. This is nothing. I can handle so much more than this. You know, even if you go but that's not true, I can't handle any whatever. It's just your brain. Just let your brain think, think thoughts. If your brain is going to think thoughts that aren't true, why can't they be in the more positive end of things instead of Oh, this, this turbulence is going to break the plane apart. Why not this? This isn't turbulence. I can take so much more than this.

Both may not be true, but what what one is going to stir up your nervous system more so, in addition to my huge recommendation of finding some kind of cognitive behavior therapy, even just googling that and finding some free worksheets online and doing those if you can't afford therapy, doing a progressive muscle relaxation and I will lead you in one at the end of this exercise, doing that every day, learning about breathing exercises you can do on

the plane. In addition to all of that, I also have a tool kit and I will share that with you now. No one quick thought on the breathing. Don't forget when you feel like you're short of breath, you are not actually lacking in oxygen, but there is a little bit of an imbalance of your carbon dioxide. So what you need to do is not try to suck in more air. It's actually about regulating what you've already got.

So one tip that I learned for when you're feeling anxious is wherever your breath is right at that moment, just blow it out slowly through your mouth. So here I am right now, I have a certain amount of breath in me, and then you'll feel your body want to naturally start breathing again. And just let your body start breathing again. Doesn't have to be a big As long as you're breathing, we're good. The notion of deep

breath I sort of fight against. It might be nice if you're perfectly calm and you're taking a yoga class, that's fine. Deep breath. Oh, that feels kind of nice. But when we're anxious, it's almost like I don't want to hear about deep breaths. I just want to hear about regulated breathing. I don't want to breathe deep necessarily. I just want to not breathe in a hyperventilated way. And when we are taking those short, shallow breaths like that,

we're breathing in a hyperventilated way. It's screwing up our chemistry and it's actually causing our nervous system to go haywire, and we're just breathing normally. Then we're regulated. So I don't think we have to jump from hyperventilated breathing to this deep breathing. We just have to regulate the breathing. And so that is one of my favorite tips, is just that release of air. And I tend to think of the breath as something that expands from left to right.

I think of my ribs. I don't think about my lungs, which I tend to think of as like in the chest, But the lungs actually expand around our back, and i'd picture my ribcage expanding. I don't try to picture my lungs filling with air. And there are many breathing techniques you can do. In episode one of this podcast, Dr Judd taught us his five finger breathing technique for panic. There's count breathing, where you breathe in for four counts, you hold your breath for four accounts, and then you

breathe out for four accounts. There are many breathing exercises that involve more of an exhale. I prefer those. You might breathe in for four accounts, hold your breath for four accounts, and then breathe out for seven. It's really the exhale that's going to regulate our breathing, and I feel like that's just a well kept secret. So here is my tool kit. Now. I don't do this anymore every time I fly, because I really just to me, flying is as normal as like hopping on the subway.

But this tool kid is there. So first of all, let's just decrease our anxiety by what I call like realistic travel tips. Don't get drunk the night before or use drugs and think, fuck it, I might die tomorrow in a plane crash. Let's live it up tonight. Take really good care of yourself twenty four hours before the flight. Keep that nervous system humming. Don't come at it with a lack you know what I mean. If you if you get on a plane hungover, your nervous system is

already at a deficit. Avoid caffeine for twenty four hours before your flight. Do not drink caffeine the morning of your flight or at all. Don't drink it on the flight. Alcohol if you can avoid it, if it is really the only thing that works for you on a flight, then do what you need to do until you can start to to let that one go. But in general, just know that it will probably cause you more anxiety about an hour into the flight. Stay hydrated, Drink a

lot of water. If your phobia involves, you know, using the toilet on the plane, I understand, Maybe don't, but just you know, happy medium. The realistic travel tips. Arrive early at the airport, even if you hate being at airports, even if it freaks you out. I will help you with that in a minute. But get there early so that you're not rushing around and being anxious. Oh my god, there's this long line. Oh my god, everyone called in sick.

There's only one person that's you know, printing boarding passes and the kiosk isn't working and I don't know my you know, just have all of that. Have your frequent flyer number, have your boarding pass on your phone if you can, or at least no, your confirmation number. Have all of your details ready so that when you walk into the airport you can print that boarding pass or get in line and give them all the information they need. Obviously,

if you're checking a bag packed properly, don't overpack. When you get to the thing, they're gonna say this weighs too much and you might have to pay more. If you want to pay more, that's fine. If you don't want to get into the situation where you're opening your bag, you know, and trying to take things out, get details of parking. Are you driving to the airport, leave yourself extra time because there is always a situation in the

parking garages at the airport. There's a lot of people trying to park or get a ride from someone that really makes you calm, someone that you can confide in, but not someone that's going to do reassurance seeking, someone that can just validate for you that you need to close your eyes, put on your headphones, and do you know some kind of meditation in the car? Do you want to take an uber or some kind of car service where you can do that and you can shut your eyes and do some kind of for us of

muscle relaxation or listen to a guided meditation. Listen to music that suits you. But think of the flight as beginning right when you leave for the airport. If you are taking a medication like a Xanex or Klono bin and you're not driving yourself, can you take it on the way to the airport. Now once you get to the airport, have something to look forward to. Is there a favorite food that you like to indulge in? I know a lot of it does involve sugar, so trying

to stay away from sugar. But you know, is it a cheeseburger? Is it a slice of pizza? Do you do you just like to get you know, stupid gossipy, trashy magazines at the airport that you would normally not read quote in real life. It's just something to look forward to. Do you like to shop? Is there a shop at the airport? Some airports now have manicure pedicure places where you can also get a neck massage, you know, a back massage. Is that something that you want to do?

Just make it like, oh, the vacation is begun when I get to the airport, and there's fun things in this little indoor Vaca Shian wonderland, this adult playground. There's there's trashy magazines. You know. I can maybe get a manny petty, I can get a massage. Incorporate all five senses if you can. So have things on the plane that you like to taste, feel, touch here and smell? Right? Do you have a little essential oil thing? You can put a little bit of it on a handkerchief. You

can bring a little bottle with you. Do you want to smell lavender? Does that calm you down? Do you like the taste of gum? You know? Or just a favorite food? Or allow? Isn't anything something to touch? Do you want to bring a small, you know, cozy blanket on the plane with you, or some kind of big scarf, some kind of cashmere wrap. Anything do you want to bring? I mean, I don't mean a bed pillow, but do you want to bring one of those neck pillows with you?

Just something anything soothing? And plush. Do you want to listen to something? I mean, to me, that's the most important thing. What is going on between your ears, not just in your head, but what is going on in your ears? So do you want to make a playlist

of your favorite songs? And I mean like just dumb songs that you'd be embarrassed for anyone to find out you're listening to, you know, just make yourself happy listen to those songs, or and maybe make a playlist of relaxing music, whether it's classical music or something you might

just hear at a spa. Make a playlist of your favorite podcast that aren't about upsetting things like the news, but just anything, you know, can you get involved in a more of a narrative podcast that tells the story of something, or an interview, you know, with your favorite actors or whatever. But I try to, you know, I try not to ingest news when I'm on an airplane, because even though I feel like I'm not afraid to fly, sometimes that news stuff gets upsetting and it gets in

there and you never know. If I'm on a six hour flight and our one I'm spending it watching news, who knows by our four something could have been rolling around in my brain and I might be priming myself for a panic attack because that, you know, I'm I'm I'm keening into that lack of control feeling that obviously

the news does give me. Now, something that I do when I get on an airplane, I don't do it anymore, but I used to do it every time, and you know, it's kind of embarrassing, but I would go right up to the flight attendant and I would say, Hi, I have a phobia of flying. I have a bunch of things that I'm doing. I'm breathing, I'm meditating, I'm fine. But part of my recovery is saying it out loud to someone and I'm just telling you and they'll say okay, and they might check in on you, they might not.

But getting over that fear of looking stupid, of being different than other people, that really helped me. You know. Meanwhile, I'm on stage every night as a comedian. I don't care what people think of me. But I'm on the flight and I think, oh my god, if anyone knows

I'm having a panicchotect would be the most embarrassing. Then they could happen in the world and so I had to get over that by saying that to the flight attendant, and every single time everyone was so cool to me, to the point where it was like, no, I you don't have to keep checking in on me. I'm fine. But there's something about during a panic attack as well.

I would even this just it still makes me embarrassed, and I'm sitting alone recording this, but I would turn to the person next to me and say, I'm I'm sorry if I'm acting a little strange. I'm having a panic attack, but I'll be okay now. I nobody wants to talk to the person next to them on a plane, but the adrenaline will drain from your body so fast if you do that, just let the embarrassment take over. It really helps with the panic, even if you're not

acting strange. It's just a way to reach out to someone or don't say that, or just say to someone I'm so sorry to bother you. I I promised I won't talk to you the rest of the flight, but um, just make up something. Um, do you know what time this flight lands or anything? Just say words. You might want to change your atmosphere if you know, if it's that part of the flight where you can get up and walk around, Just get up and walk around, just anything to feel like you have a sense of control.

I also bring a list of affirmations and you can hold them on a note card, put them in the notes section of your phone. But you need to replace the thoughts that are running through your head, and you need to replace them with things that are habitual. You know, in that in that way that these thoughts that you think are habitual, oh my god, the plane's gonna crash, but you need to replace it with things that are

um that become as route to you. So it's really good to pick like five affirmations to say over and over instead of just trying to think up ones on the flight, because you probably think of some pretty disordered ones, like even though the plane's gonna crash, him at peace. It's like, no, that is not an affirmation. So you could say something to yourself like do not believe the things you tell yourself when you are afraid. Um, you know, I've been here for I'm trying to find some that

I have right here. I am safe, I am calm. Even if you're not calm, just say you're calm. You will become calm. I am safe. I am calm. You can write that one down. You can write down one's like, this is just a little anxiety. I am uncomfortable. I've been uncomfortable before. I'll be okay. You know something in that realm, even if you want to write something cheesy like I'm a grown as person on a flight. You know, if you're going to a work conference or vacation or

I am going to enjoy myself on this vacation. And when you're in the air, think of things that you're looking forward to when you land. If there's anything you know, if it is a vacation, think of that, and then you'll realize, wait, I'm looking forward to something when I land, So there's no way I actually think this flight is going to crash. Another great affirmation is I feel anxious, but so what, I know what that feels like, and

I'll get through it. Anxiety isn't dangerous. I'm just uncomfortable. I'll make it through this. It's only a thought, and a thought can be changed. The feeling of panic are leaving my body. I breathe in relaxation, I breathe out tension. I've conquered every attack so far, and this one will be no different. Your friends can write you letters of support emails, whether they're actually little cards, take them with you.

It has to feel like you've got to be your own cheerleader and cheer yourself on, and you can't be embarrassed about needing a little extra care. I mean, think of all the times you've burdened friends with am I gonna be okay what's going on and burden them with something positive? Say hey, can you write me a few words of encouragement. I'm gonna keep it in my purse. If you have a lucky stone or some kind of crystal or some kind of religious object, but but not

because you're in imminent danger. You know, you're not carrying around those things for good luck in case the plane crashes. That's not what we're doing here. You're carrying around those things because you're saying, I want some extra support in self soothing. I I don't want to have anxiety on this flight, and I'm taking every action I can. And this little stone reminds me that I'm going to have good luck with that, you know, or this religious symbol

reminds me that I'm suffering. But I'll be okay, because I'm loved by you know, the the great universal whatever. We're not getting into superstition, right, there's a difference. One book I really liked too is called The Easy Way to Enjoy Flying by Alan Carr. He wrote a very famous book about quitting smoking. One thing he said in the book that that really just slapped me across the face was when you're outside walking around. Okay, so you've

got this phobia flying. Okay, so when you're outside walking around, are you worried that planes are going to drop out of the sky on, you know, because your phobia flying has nothing to do with the airplanes. And I just love that. It just kind of woke me up a little bit. So I highly recommend getting that book. It's also it's available on Kindle. So let's do it. Let's go into a progressive muscle relaxation, and that's how we'll

end the episode. How about this, I'll end the episode here and then I'll just go into the progressive muscle relaxation and it will end there. So if you want the muscle relaxation, you can keep listening. If you don't, this is where we say goodbye anxiety. Bites, but don't forget you're in control. We'll be right back. As you're sitting here being a person with a body, just notice that you have a body. You don't have to try

to relax it. You don't have to change how you're breathing, although if you are feeling a little hyperventilated, you of course may exhale your breath wherever you are and just wait for your breath to start breath eating itself on its own again. But your body breathes automatically all day, every day, and it will do that during this exercise. If you enjoy taking full breaths, that's great. You may do that during this but you are not required to.

You don't have to do anything to relax until I start calling out the muscles that you are going to contract and release. But there's no pressure to relax. We're just contracting and releasing muscles. Start with your toes. Curl your toes as much as you can, tighten them to where you feel you could get a toe cramp, but not to the point of real discomfort. But your toes are curled up, maybe even your whole foot is tight. And count. I will count for you. Count to five.

And release. Now, when you release, you don't have to do anything extra. You've tightened your foot and you're just releasing it. You don't need to think about over releasing it. You're just setting it back to where it was before you tightened it. But you might feel warm sensation, It might feel like the blood is moving. It might feel relaxing, and that's great, but there's no pressure. Now. Think about

your calves. Tighten them. You might feel it in your ankle as well, but I think I think of it almost as the back of your calves, and just tighten. I'll count for you, and release your calves. Now, think about your knee, your knee cap the front of your calves. Tighten that area. I'll count for you, oh, and release. You might feel a sensation in the top of your legs that they feel different than the bottom half of

your leg under your knee. They might feel like they wanted to get in on the action, too, So let's do the same thing. Think of your thighs. The front of your thighs tighten, almost as though someone is trying to lift your legs up from the top of your thigh. Tighten and release. Now, think of your butt tighten your butt muscles. Hold it there, Tighten them more as much as you can, and you might feel a little shaky

even I will count this for you and release. Now the top half in the bottom half of your body might feel totally different from each other. Now you might even feel like your butt is flattening into the seat you're sitting. And so now we're going to tighten our stomach. And this might be something that causes people some discomfort because it might feel like it's restricting your breathing. It might just be a sensitive area. Just know that I'm counting for you. I will not keep you here long.

You are totally in control of this. So if you just want to tighten up your stomach muscles, and you don't have to suck in your stomach, it's not like you're trying to pose for a picture and look like you've got to six pack. You're just tightening your stomach muscles. I'll count for you. You're completely safe, and release your stomach and feel free to just recover from that for a minute. If you want to just exhale, your body

is breathing, and now let's go to your hands. Tighten your hands into two fists, hold it there tight as you can without discomfort, and release your hands. I'll think of your arms. Just tightening your arms. You might set in your bicep, you might feel it in your triseep, but from your wrist to your shoulder, just tighten every single muscle that you have access to and that you can feel. It might even be a sensation that your arms are pulling in towards your body. Just tighten and release.

And now we're coming to our upper abdomen, our chest area. This might cause some discomfort because it might feel restrictive, but just sort of tighten your chest. You're totally in control. You're safe. I'm counting for you. You don't have to be here long and release. That helps to just take a man in here and let yourself breathe naturally. And

nothing about your shoulders in your back. If you want to lift your shoulders up to your ears, picture your offera back and it's just tightened, tightened, tighten, pull the shoulders up and relax. And I did say relax, not release. That's okay, you can relax. Now. Let's think about your face. Take your mouth, can tighten it into a smile so that you're getting your neck muscles in there. You can scrunch up your mouth instead so that your nose is involved.

Don't worry nobody's looking at you. If they are, they're probably wondering I'd like to do what they're doing. Tighten up that mouth and release. And now just tighten up your whole face. Scrunch your whole face up, close your eyes. Just tighten that face up. You're trying to move all of your you know, your eyes, your nose, your mouth, right into the center of your face, and just hold there and release. And now your head. It's hard really

to tends your head up. But if you want to just picture the top of your head, and if you want to just picture that, there is almost like someone is cracking an egg over your head. There's just this feeling of something starting at the crown of your head and flowing all the way down from the top of your head through your face, down, your shoulders down, your arms, down, your abdomen, down, your legs, all the way to your toes.

Just one big extra release. If there's anything you still think you might be holding onto, release You can repeat this exercise. You can go back down from the top of your head back through your feet and keep going up and back, Or you can just stop here For more podcasts for my heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.