Your Superpower is Authenticity, Confidence & Purpose

Ever feel lost, confused, or anxious about your future? Hello, I'm Chester Elton and this is my dear friend, Adrian Gostick, also my co-author. Hey, I am, and thanks, Ches. You know, our guest today was feeling lost despite her very successful career. She walked away to find a new path and she found that external success doesn't equate to personal fulfillment and she's going to help all of us find similar enlightenment today. That's a big ask but we're excited to find out if she can help us. As always we hope the time you spend with us will help reduce the stigma of anxiety at work and in your personal life. And with us is our new friend Michelle Johnson. Michelle worked on stage and television in Hollywood for more than 20 years on shows that you will recognize such as Friends, Bones, CSI Miami, Modern Family and NCIS all while working full-time as a vice president for an insurance company. That's a little bit of an odd combination there Michelle, but she has a BA in psychology and an MBA. Michelle now combines leadership and communication principles to guide leaders to step into their personal power, deliver better presentations, and discover their authentic, confident, and purposeful leadership style. Michelle, we are delighted to have you on the podcast. Thank you for finding the time. Thank you so much for inviting me. Well, we're excited to pick your brain. Michelle, first off, we want to hear your story from Hollywood actor to business executive to now a speaker and executive coach What caused this transition in your career? Yes, it's been a very long winding road so as you mentioned I was an actress in Hollywood and You know, I had done the starving actor thing of waiting tables and that just didn't appeal to me anymore so I decided I needed to get a real job. And that's when I started working with that insurance company. And in seven years, I worked myself up from being a temp data entry clerk to being an assistant vice president, leading two teams, one in Los Angeles and one in San Antonio, Texas. And at the same time, I was still acting. I was still showing up on these TV shows, and so I would go to work in the morning, I would go on auditions on my lunch break, I would go back to work, I would go to the theater, drive to the theater, whatever theater I was doing a play in at night, and then wake up and do it all over again. So I had these two careers that I was leading at the same time, and got to a point in my life where I think I had a midlife crisis in my 30s is really what happened I I Was doing this corporate job. I wasn't you know really fulfilled at that I could see okay If I stay on this track I had examples of what that would look like and I wasn't quite sure if that was a good fit for me I was doing this acting stuff and I wasn't quite fulfilled at that either. And there was a breakup that I'd had a couple of years prior that just, you know, ripped my heart out and, you know, threw it on the floor. And so I wasn't feeling very great about myself. I had some family issues going on, just kind of everything was just the perfect storm of me feeling like, you know, I walked away from acting, and I'd saved up enough money to take a one-year sabbatical. I was like, I'm gonna figure myself out. I'll take a year off. And that year turned into five years. And I call it my big time out, where I just put myself in the corner. I essentially meditated for five years and did deep introspection and self-work and really looking at all of the demons that had been chasing me from my childhood. I'd had a very kind of painful and chaotic and traumatic childhood. And so again, my life has been an example of even though you have that external success, I had these two careers, from the outside people thought, hey, she's got it all figured out. Sheís living a great life.î But on the inside, I really just didnít know who I was. I didnít know what I wanted. And so I did the work to really figure all of that stuff out. I asked myself these really hard questions. Who am I? Who do I want to be? What are my skills and talents? And what do I want my life to look like? And on the other side of those five years, I entered the corporate environment again, this time as a consultant and corporate trainer in leadership communication. And then that led me to going back to school and getting an MBA. And then that led me to starting my own consulting and coaching practice and off we are to the races. So just that. Yeah, yeah. Just that. Yeah, I think I've lived four or five lives in one lifetime. Yeah, it's so interesting you said you took five years off to meditate. I have a really tough time finding sleep. Michelle, you've talked to lots of leaders in lots of different organizations, and so we're curious. Obviously, the podcast is called Anxiety at Work. What are some of the common causes of anxiety at work that you see with your clients and the people that you coach? Yeah, you know, when you think about anxiety, it's really fear about something bad happening in the future, right? And not just something bad happening in the future, something bad happening in the future that you have no control over, or you have no power over. I think that's what really causes the anxiety. And, you know, from what I see, and, and, you know, my, I guess I'm an executive coach, and I coach around a lot of different things, but my, my specialty is really influence communication presence. And so that puts me squarely in situations around interpersonal relationships. That, to me, seems like it is It is one of the biggest causes of anxiety. It's, you know, I'm having conflict or tension with my coworkers, with my colleague, with my direct report, with my boss. It's that kind of stuff that I think can cause a lot of anxiety because, you know, usually there's maybe something bad has happened in the past with that person, and so you feel like you're walking on eggshells or you know you're afraid that if you do or say something that that's going to elicit this kind of response or maybe you've got some insecurities about how you're showing up in those relationships. So I find that interpersonal relationships is really a big source of anxiety and it can be you know we're going to talk about personal power in a second, but you know, these situations can really be sources of disempowerment where people feel like I don't have any choices. I don't have any options. You know, it's just, you know, it's something bad's going to happen and I don't have any control over it. This person is going to do this to me and I don't have any control over it. coaching is around helping people to find their power in those situations, which again usually means finding the options, you know, that you do have choices in these situations and in helping my clients come up with creative options or solutions to these interpersonal dynamics that they find themselves in. And so that's a lot, that's probably 75% of the work that I do is helping people to navigate those situations. Good for you, I mean what important work. So yeah, to find your options, but yeah, and as you mentioned, this idea of personal power and finding your power, obviously, you know, you think of me and Chester, we just exude personal power. That's, people say that about us all the time, don't they, Chester? Yeah, we've been mistaken for power rangers. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So if we had a penny for every time somebody told us. So first off, what is this concept of personal power? Because this is not just standing on my hips, hands on my hips and throwing out my voice and making myself tougher and stronger. What is it exactly, this idea of personal power and why would we want to develop that? Yeah, interesting. And I love that you use those examples of, you know, it's not just, you know, putting your hands on your hips. That's really working from the outside in. And I think especially when it comes to communication and presentation skills, a lot of the focus is on working from the outside in. Right. Stand this way. Walk this way. You know, speak this way. Personal power is really about working from the inside out. So personal and luckily we live in a time where there's been a lot of actual research done around personal power and so the way that I define it is personal power is your belief in your sense of agency and Your ability to influence others. That's what personal power is. Do I have agency? Meaning do the decisions and the actions that I take, me personally, do they contribute to the outcomes that I want? That's what agency is really all about. And then, again, your ability to influence others. Can I convince others? Can I enroll others in my agenda? Can I get people to do things that I want them to do so that I can get my wants and needs met. That's a belief system. Personal power is about your belief in yourself and your ability to make the impact that you want on the world to get your wants and needs met, right? That's a big belief system. And so when you think about the things that might take away from your sense of personal power, it's your insecurities about yourself, you know, it's the limiting beliefs that you have about yourself. It's the self-doubts. All of that stuff is what disempowers you and takes away from your feeling of your own empowerment. And so, again, the work that I do with a lot of folks is starting to look at those beliefs. And because personal power is very different from what we call social power. You can have the title, you can have the, you know, the responsibilities, you can have the assumed authority, but that doesn't mean that you're going to feel empowered. That doesn't mean that you're going to feel like you've got this, you know, sense of power. And so, really, it's about balancing those two. You know, I want people to thrive in their careers and get the title and get the promotions, but I also want them to balance it with their own sense of their power. And that's really where the magic happens. Yeah, you talk about the building blocks being that you consider authenticity, confidence, and purpose. And that's really the building block, the foundation of your personal power. Just walk us through those concepts really quick, because a lot of leaders have a tough time being authentic because they want to be perfect. They want to be the happy, upbeat all the time. And sometimes authenticity means you're going to be a little vulnerable. And we all suffer from self-doubt and that imposter syndrome when it comes to confidence. This idea of purpose for me is really interesting too. Are you connecting what you do to your purpose, to your core values and your team as well, right? So walk us through those three, authenticity, confidence, and purpose. Yeah, so again, personal power is your belief system. It's a belief system. And I feel like authenticity, confidence, and purpose are kind of the scaffolding that create this belief system. Authenticity, I define it as knowing yourself and showing yourself. You need to do both of those. So knowing who you are, think about the work that I did during my big time out, right? I was getting to know who I was, not who people wanted me to be, but who I authentically am. My beliefs, my values, my strengths, my weaknesses, my triggers, you know, my personality traits My lived experience, all of that is who you are. And then once you know who you are, then you have to show who you are. And I think that's where people get stuck. You know, I ask my clients all the time, you know, if you were to grade yourself on the degree to which you know yourself separately, and then the degree to which you show yourself, most people feel like they know who they are pretty well, although I start asking them some questions and then they're like, maybe I don't know I know myself so well. But when we get to that showing piece, that's I think where people feel like, oh, it's just so hard, as you mentioned, Chester, to be vulnerable. And I find that the more that you really know yourself, the higher your self esteem is. And when you have a higher sense of your self-esteem and a higher self-regard, then it becomes easier to show yourself. Because think about it, if you think that there's something wrong with you, if you think that people aren't going to like what they see, then you probably aren't going to show yourself. So I find that that authenticity and that knowing piece is really the foundation for then showing who you are to the world, because there's a sense of self-pride, right? Confidence is your belief in your ability rather than your actual ability, which means that you can be good at something but not believe that you are, and therefore you're not gonna feel confident, right? And so for me, really reminding yourself of all of your accomplishments in your life, not just professionally, but also personally. We've all been accomplishing and achieving things throughout our lives, and I think we just forget or we think those things aren't special or that they don't mean anything. And I found that reminding yourself of the things, the hard things that you've done in your life, you know, the things that you didn't know that you could do, but you did it, or even adversity and hardships that you've overcome in your life, those things are proof of your, not just your, your kind of subject matter expertise or whatever it is that you've been hired to do, but a kind of larger skill set of personal, psychological, emotional resources that are just as much a part of your competency as your subject matter expertise. Yeah, you know, it's kind of interesting. We talk about this in our family all the time, and I think this is why genealogy has become so popular, right? Is you realize that your ancestors have done hard things. Like we tell our kids, look, I know you think this is hard. Let me tell you about your great-grandpa who walked across the plains or had to ride a horse to town, and it took him three days kind of thing. And the idea that their blood flows through your veins. Like they did hard things, you can do hard things. I really like that concept of take stock and say, you've done really hard things before and you can do hard things again. Yeah. Absolutely, and it puts things in perspective. Like, I did that really hard thing. I got that degree. I overcame that illness. I, whatever that thing is, I think I can go do this presentation. You know what I mean? Like it really, it just puts things in perspective. And so that's the confidence piece. And then purpose, you know, there's really two kinds of purpose. There's the purpose of your life, which is that kind of grand, overarching, you know, goal or sense of mission that orients everything in your life. But I believe that you can create purpose for any situation. You know, we don't have to just, you know, wait for for the the big realization or aha moment of here's my purpose in life. We don't have to wait for that. We can actually create purpose in every situation that we find ourselves in and when you do that, that can often lead you to your life purpose. So purpose for me is really about being more intentional with what it is you are here to do. You know, I'm here doing this podcast with you. It's not just that I'm doing a podcast. I'm sharing my information. We are sharing knowledge and information that will hopefully empower other people. Wow. That just fills me up. Right. And I'm doing here. So that's how I consider purpose. And when you put all these three together, authenticity, knowing yourself, showing yourself, believing in yourself, having a sense of mission and meaning, you can't help but feel empowered. I love that idea, too, Michelle. It's so powerful because what you're saying, I believe, is not just purpose of this is my big mission in life, which is awesome, but it's almost like daily. I remember one of the people we interviewed for one of our books said, I hate doing weekly status reports, he says, but I put it into a purposeful thing. I made it more of, look, I am providing information here that will value our work, whatever, he made it more purposeful, and by doing that, the least favorite task became something of purpose. Didn't mean he loved doing it, but he realized why he had to do it, and it made it just more of a joyful expression of his work than something that was a drudge. That's exactly right. You know, it's really the story that we're telling ourselves about the thing. And so the more aware of the stories that you're telling yourself, then the more control you have over reframing that story, creating a new story. It's the same activity, just with a different story. Yeah, it's that cognitive reframing that is so powerful. Hey, how do people learn more about your work, Michelle? Where would you send them? You can go to my website, michelleannjohnson. You can find me on LinkedIn, MichelleAnnJohnson. I'm sure a lot of people will want to learn more about you after this. One of the things, last question for me is that, look, you know, obviously you're a skilled actress. You've stood on stage in front of hundreds, sometimes thousands of people, you've been on major television shows, you have to be poised, but for a lot of people, public speaking, probably one of their biggest sources of anxiety. So how do we take all the things that you've just talked about and relate it to communicating in our daily lives? What advice would you have for all of us who may be anxious about that? Yeah, well, luckily, practicing authenticity, confidence and purpose, they're not just beneficial in general, but they you can also use them to act to prepare for a specific engagement. So studies have shown that when you affirm your authentic self, you know, maybe it's journaling about your values or journaling about a time that you lived out your values or someone that's important to you. When you affirm your personal narrative, your own story, when you do that before a high-stakes engagement or a public speaking engagement, it actually lowers your anxiety and boosts your confidence. And I think it's because it gives you perspective, right? My identity extends beyond this particular moment in time or how I do in this in this, you know, presentation. And I think it also brings in your personal psychological and emotional resources that maybe you wouldn't access had you not done that. You know, this is who I am. And I just think, you know, when you have a higher self-regard, when you're self-possessed, when you have a real sense of personal identity, you just show up better. And when you show up better, you perform better. And confidence affirming, again, those success stories, I call them success stories or overcoming stories. Again, when you remind yourself of what you're capable of, you show up better. And when you are purposeful, when you're really intentional about, here's the impact that I wanna have, here's the experience I wanna create for myself and for other people, you show up better you perform better and the great thing about Personal power again. We've got the research when you have a high sense of personal power. You have greater resilience You're more self-aware. You have greater self-esteem. You're more optimistic. You're more motivated You have better decision-making better at goal-setting like these are all things that are helping your brain to work better. And so all of these things work psychologically, emotionally, physically, to improve and enhance your performance. You know, it's so funny, as you were going down that list, I thought, well, she's describing Adrian. Confidence. So many people, again, against my personal power. So it's such a connection here, yeah. I love your idea too. You know, people say, you know, they'd rather die than speak in public. When Adrian and I present together and there's another presenter presenting and there's a pause, he has to actually hold me back from running up and say, hey, there's dead air. I can feel that dead air. That's a live mic. It's going to waste. Anyway. You're too enthusiastic, Chester. Chester is one of five brothers. So just so you know, Michelle, if there's a microphone in a room, any room that they walk into, they will get into a fist fight to get that microphone and start telling jokes or singing or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. And you think he's kidding, but he's not. We call that being a ham in Hollywood. You're a bit of a hamster. Yeah. Well, thank you for being so kind. Anyway, you know, it's really interesting. Give us some final thoughts on how people manage their anxieties. We're always looking for best practices and it's kind of interesting. We've had this really cool little sponsor called Magic Mind and it's this little herbal drink that you can take. It's like five-hour energy except it's kind of like good for you. It puts your mind in a good place and it calms you down and we love it. In fact, this is my little commercial. You can actually get a 20% discount if you go to magicmind.com. I know that some people have like vitamins or exercise or whatever or magic mind. What are some of the things that you find work well for you? I find that carving out some unstructured time for myself is crucial to my state of mind. I think we pack our calendars with, you know, I got to do this, I got to do that. Even on our days off, we've got to, we've got these, you know, errands to run and all of that. And I really try to, to have, you know, some solid chunks of time where I don't have anything planned, nothing. And that just allows, you know, my brain to kind of decompress. It allows inspiration to come in and, or just allows me that time to kind of daydream and then vision and It's just it's it's really it's personal time that I have with myself. It's kind of like dating yourself It's quality time that you spend with yourself. So I love having unstructured time The other thing that I do for myself and I and I think that this is good for everybody Every opportunity every every experience that you have is an opportunity to learn something, to heal something, or to practice something. That mindset is deeply, deeply empowering because again, anxiety is about fear of something bad happening that you have no control over. new about yourself. Every experience is an opportunity to maybe heal something, you know, some wound that you're carrying. You know, most of the time when we get triggered, it's usually we're triggering some memory or some trauma from the past. And so if you can use this, you know, conflict that you're having with your co-worker as an opportunity to heal, maybe a relationship that you're having with your parents or your, you know, some some loved one in your life, well, now you're, again, you're adding purpose to that experience and you feel more empowered. And then, also an opportunity to practice some skill. If you can be intentional about, hey, I'm gonna go into this situation, I'm gonna practice listening better, or I'm gonna practice showing my authentic self. Now, again, you're adding purpose and meaning to the experiences that you find yourself in. And again, you know, as you continue to do this over time, you feel more empowered. That's awesome. That's a great place to end, Michelle. Thank you so much. I love that. Everything is an opportunity to learn, to heal, to practice, no matter what we go through. Really, really powerful. Lots of practical tips today. We want to thank you so much for coming on the Anxiety at Work podcast. And yeah, thank you, Michelle. And we wish you good luck as you continue helping people in your work. Thank you so much. This was fun. It was a delight to have you. Appreciate you. Thank you. Okay, so Adrian, I mean, an actress, an insurance agent, an MBA, you know, a speaker and a coach, what an interesting, as she said, the long and winding road. We should write a song about that. Anyway, I'm really curious as to what your takeaways were from a wonderful friend of yours. Oh my gosh, so many. Yeah, so many. First off, I mean, you know, she said, look, I saved up enough to take a year off, and that was my big time out. How many people have done that in their careers? 1% of 1% of 1% that really have done that. But she figured out, who am I? Who do I want to be? And what do I want my life to look like? What a powerful thing that, you know, I mean, that's what we try to do as coaches with the people we're coaching, but we do it in an hour every week or so. And that's the only time they think about it. And I mean, how important is that in our lives? Yeah, well, I was amazed that one year turned into five years. You know, you and I are big hockey fans. Five minutes for fighting is about as long as we can have. That's our time out and it's not for anything good, you know. I was really impressed with her idea of hear, heal, and practice. That, you know, you're hearing things, you're healing someone, you're practicing. And then that undercurrent of what are you learning? Constantly asking what are you learning? What are you gonna be taking forward? You know, we talk about that all the time, that curiosity is a wonderful characteristic for great leaders and just for an interesting life. You know, be curious about things, ask a lot of questions. What are you learning? What are you hearing, healing, and practicing? That was a big takeaway for me. Yeah, I thought that was really, yeah, no matter what we're hitting, yeah, those three things, you know, am I learning something? Am I healing something? Am I practicing something? That's really powerful. I was also impressed by this idea of personal power because, yeah, sometimes, you know, you and I, we do this with lots of, you know, directors or VPs who want to become CEOs or move into the C-suite and we help them with their executive presence. And we try and let them know, look, this isn't about, you know, appearing tough. It's not about, you know, deepening your voice and saying no. Coming across like, no, it's about believing in yourself, as Michelle says. It's about your ability to influence others and get your wants and needs met. Now that is something deeper that comes to those three things she talked about, right? Authenticity, confidence, and purpose. Yeah. One of the takeaway for me was the know who you are and then show who you are. I thought that was a great way to put it. Once you know who you are, make sure that that's what you're showing to other people. If you know that you're a good counselor, show people that and counsel. That's a great reminder. Often, we know who we are. Do we always show it in the right way? You say that every day you wake up and you have a few goals, right? To be what? I would say be kind, be grateful and be of service. And I think if you can do those three things, you're going to have a good day. Well, isn't that knowing who you are, though, and then showing who you are by doing those things, by being kind and gracious? Yeah, no, I think it's completely different. Completely different. Okay, well, I was completely wrong. Yeah, it is interesting how these things do come together over time, you know, as we talk to different people. And then my last takeaway, which I thought was really interesting, is she says, take time for yourself, date yourself. I thought that was really interesting. You know, we often talk about, you know, take your spouse on a date or spend time with your kids on a special date. How often do we actually date ourselves? We say, what am I going to do tonight? You know, am I going to read a good book? Am I going to go for a nice walk? Am I going to ride my bike? And that's one of the ways that she calms her anxiety. My shameless plug for our sponsor, Magic Mind, I really do love that stuff. I've been presenting it to an insurance company, oddly enough. Michelle worked at one of those. Three weeks in a row, and you're presenting and you're doing workshops and so on, and you wake up in the morning and it's easy to get a little anxious. Take my little Magic Mind shot. I love that stuff. It gives you seven hours, easy up, easy down, calms me down, gets me in the flow and they've got a new product coming out actually called Gummies. Now I know Adrian, when you think of gummies, you don't think of Magic Mind. It's a different thing. Yeah, it's a different thing. These little gummies give you a little four-hour hit which is really great because sometimes you don't need the seven, you just need that presentation time. Go to magicmind.com forward slash Gostik and Elton 30 and you get a 30% discount. Oh, it's 30, wow. Put in whatever number you want and get the discount and wait for the gummies. What is it? Which is it, 20 or 30? It's 30. That was my bad. But at any rate, it's great stuff and I'm looking forward to the gummies. Well, listen, when we talk about things that we're grateful for, people that are kind and people of service, my mind goes to two names. How about you, Adrian? What are the two names that come to your mind? Kind, grateful, and of service? Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Brent Klein, and Christy Lyons, I think are in the pantheon of those. Our producer, Brent Klein, we want to thank him for putting this mess together. To Christy Lawrence, who helps us find great guests, and all of you who listened in, thank you. If you like the podcast, download it, share it. We'd also love you to visit thecultureworks.com, where you can get some free resources to help you and your team culture thrive. Yes, and if you like the podcast, please share it with your friends and family. We love when you do share these good ideas and our wonderful guests. We also love to speak to audiences around the world, virtually or in person. We also do workshops. We've got a wonderful executive coaching practice as well. So give us a call. We speak and coach on culture, teamwork, resilience. We'd love to talk to you about your event wherever it might be. And of course, our book is available at fine bookstores everywhere on Amazon and lit video books, which is one of our favorites as well. So listen, have a great week. Thanks for spending your time with us and I hope you have a resilient and wonderful and anxious free weekend or day or wherever you are in your week. And Adrian, you always get to wrap up, so go ahead. Hey, and thanks everybody for joining us. Until next time, we wish you the best of mental health.