How to Lower your Anxiety when Political Tension is at an All-Time High

Are you feeling jittery and unsettled about the upcoming election? 73% of adults say the U.S. 2020 Presidential election is a significant source of anxiety in their lives. Hello, I'm Chester Elton and with me is my dear friend and co-author, Adrian Gostick. Wow, thanks, Ches. Yeah, boy, elections are full of uncertainty, you know, in our brains. They just hate the uncertainty. Today, we're gonna talk through election anxiety and try to take back control over our feelings as best we can, with a special look at how we navigate this issue at work. As always, we hope the time you spend with us will help reduce the stigma of anxiety at work and in your personal life. And to help us make sense of all of this is our co-author on our best-selling book, Anxiety at Work. He's our dear friend, Anthony Gostick. I always think of him as Tony, but we're gonna go with Anthony for this one. Anthony is not only Adrian's favorite son, but a stem cell biologist and a researcher and a writer in mental health issues and somebody who calls me Uncle Chetty. Welcome to the podcast, Anthony. We're delighted to have you. Oh, thank you. I appreciate it and I'm happy to be on. So it's so appropriate that our sponsor for this podcast is Magic Mind. You know, when you talk about anxiety, whether it's the election, family relations, it's your job, it's your boss, we've all got some anxiety in our lives. The thing I love about Magic Mind is it's this little dose. It's just a quick hit in the morning. It's all natural. It's got all kinds of great ingredients. It gives you that flow. I love they talk about focus and flow to your day. I'm a huge fan. In fact, I was a little anxious about this podcast on the election, and I took some Magic Mind. It does. It just calms your mind, and it allows you to focus. I love it, particularly on Mondays. I've shared with you before, Monday is my day when I make sure I take MagicMind. It's one of those things that it's an easy up and an easy down. It's all natural ingredients. Well, if you go to magicmind.com forward slash Gostin and Elton, you get a 30% discount on your MagicMind order. I just got another order in today as I walked in, there it is, and I can't tell you the peace of mind it gives me. That magic mind is in my fridge and available to me when I get anxious. I love it. I know if you try it, you'll love it too. Hey, we're going to have a good discussion today, I think, because we're just going to do a little bit of a round table here. We're all going to talk about this issue because the election in the U.S. is on everyone's minds. Lots of other countries are having elections too, so it's probably on everyone's mind around the world. So how do we stay focused on work and maybe more positive things? I'll kick us off here for just a minute, because one of the things that I've been trying to do is focus a little bit more on hope. Looking for the beauty in nature or changing colors of leaves, and people who are doing good things around, as Mr. Rogers used to say, right, Chess, is that you look for the helpers. And there are a lot of good things happening out there. So what else do we do to keep our minds a little bit more positive? Yeah, you know, I'd like to hear from Anthony on this one. I've got a few thoughts, but you know, your generation, the reason we wrote the book was because of you. So what are you doing for the election? Yeah, I mean it's a big stressor for I think most of us and It's funny. Hope is such a powerful thing and I think it suggests that maybe we're looking to the future and Not expecting the worst and I think that's so easy to do right now everybody's kind of predicting that this is going to be bad and Having a hopeful outlook. I think can make a big difference even if it's really hard. But something that I also think is important to stay focused is recognizing that we might not always be able to. We might be, we're going to be distracted by especially these really intense emotions that come with the election cycle. So giving ourselves grace is something that I would suggest. Yeah, you know, this election, as in some of the more recent elections, it's half the country's gonna be upset. You know, it's so divided. And I think for me, is developing a little bit of empathy on that. You know, I mean, I want my candidate to win. We all want our candidates to win. And because of the press and everything, we're convinced that if our candidate doesn't win, it's gonna be the end of times. And so, you know, in our book, Leading with Gratitude, we talk about assume positive intent. And I've been really working hard to say, okay, I've got lots of friends that disagree with me politically, right? I still like them, you know, they're still my friends. And so I wanna give myself and them a little grace and say, look, we're gonna disagree on things, and this is a big one. I just want you to know I still love you. You're still wrong, but I still love you. And assume that positive intent. I'll tell you the other thing that I've done is I love podcasts. And I'll tell you that it's interesting, and I love news podcasts, because I'm kind of a history buff. I've shut a lot of them down, because the algorithm keeps feeding me the same negativity over and over and over again And I found that it's good to take a break from that I used to listen to him almost every day now it may be once a week and once every 10 days And I find that helps me if either of you done that oh Definitely for me personally. I think I used to do that almost incessantly I'd have a Something on in the background and you're right. It just constantly is filled with these things that stimulate really intense emotions. And I don't really need that when I'm washing my dishes. So, I agree with that wholeheartedly. And I like too what you're saying, Chess, about separating people from their viewpoints. You know, you're still a good person, you know we may not agree, and there's been so much division and vitriol. And you know what though, if the person that you disagree with, if your car broke down in front of them, they'd stop and help you. So I think there's still good people in their souls who are just disagreeing on some things, and that's a good thing to remember. You know, it is interesting, you talk about what do we do as individuals outside of politics, and I think that's, you still should socialize with, and maybe you need to put up some boundaries. Hey, you know, I always joke with my friends, I go, look, let's not talk politics. You know, it's gonna get heated, it's gonna get divisive. Let's stick to a safe subject like religion. You know? You know? You know? Let's go where there can be no contention, you know? And you can laugh about it, and then, you know, talk about the Dodgers and Yankees or talk about your favorite hockey team or something and get the commonality. And I appreciate and I'm glad you pointed it out, Anthony, that it's hard, it's hard. I had the most fascinating experience with a dear, dear friend of mine. Now, for those of you that listen to the podcast, you know that Adrian and I grew up in Canada. Adrian, born in England, grew up in Canada, I grew up in Canada. And the gun culture in Canada is much different than the U.S. It's basically a hunting culture, right? People don't tend to own a lot of handguns, and I never knew anybody, and still don't, in Canada that has an automatic, like an AR-15. So I'm having this conversation with a really dear friend of mine, and I don't know how it came up, and his house is armed, like a couple of handguns and a couple of AR-15s, like he pulled that out and went, well I find that fascinating. By the way, I'm never coming to your house. Which is your first reaction, right? And then to your point, you have to separate your friendships and the love you have for these people from political things and say, well I find that fascinating. I still love you like crazy. But it was a head snapper for me. It's in that same subject of, are you pro this or pro that? I think that was good advice, Adrian. Separate the person from the politics and let them know you love it. And in many cases, their family members do, right? Yeah. It is fascinating how many of us have experienced kind of division within our social circles because of this election cycle. And I think maybe we could talk a little bit about how many of us have been affected by these disagreements. So maybe what we could ask in regards to that is what should these conversations look like with the people that, you know, are in our support network that we can rely on? How should we lean on the people who maybe do agree with us a little bit more in a better way so that we can, like you were both saying, meet those we disagree with with more love? Yeah, it's a great question because one of the first things is, I heard a saying recently, you don't go to the hardware store for milk, right? So don't go to somebody you know you're gonna disagree with trying to get affirmation, but I see that over and over again, where people keep going, maybe Uncle Joe disagrees with me, but I'm gonna go one more time. It's like, stop it. Okay, you're not gonna come to agreement, especially five days, four days, whatever it is before an election. Go to people that, if you're looking for support, go to people who are gonna agree with you. Now, you also mentioned, what if you're interacting with people who don't? Well, one thing is to, if they wanna bring this up, A, what just talked about about boundaries, okay, let's not get into that now, if they really are and you feel you need to, well then just be curious, you know, as we hear from the great Ted Lasso, right, is to be curious, not judgmental. Okay, well, great, okay, so what makes you say that? Why is that issue of a concern to you? You know, how did you come to this belief, et cetera, versus just an argument. Yeah, I would agree with that. It still is a minefield, right? Because you're trying to be curious and then you can easily get triggered. You know, and so what I find really fascinating is, I mean, this podcast is gonna air on November 1st. A few days later is the official election day. Well, already 60 million plus people have voted. And this pressure that you're getting from both sides, call your friends, call your neighbors, convince them. I'm thinking, no, I'm fascinated by this, I think it's a bit of a fantasy, the undecided voter, I'm thinking, I honestly don't believe there's too many people coming here from 12 of them in the country. You know, I mean, do you really not know who the candidates are, really? Like, you really haven't been paying attention for the last four years, you know? So I kind of removed myself from that. And one of the things I did is I voted early. You know, I mailed in my ballot, and so when people come and say, I really appreciate that, already voted. Oh, okay, move on. So, you know, there are ways to kind of diffuse it. It is so charged though, and I think what we've got to do when you lower the temperature is understand that it probably isn't the end of the world if either one gets elected, right? I mean, there are a lot of good people in Congress and the Senate and so on. I find it hard to believe that there'd be a runaway government one way or the other. At least that's my hope. Of course, my out is I renewed my Canadian passport. If it really gets bad, I'm out of here. And again, I use that as a little bit of humor to say, look, let's talk about something else. Let's talk about the New Jersey devils. And I think the reality is none of us really know what's going to happen. We've heard so many people in high places saying this is going to be a really impactful election cycle and I feel a lot of people are very afraid of that. So when we go into these conversations you know that as you mentioned being hopeful and curious are and respectful as well are really important things to keep in mind when we're talking to somebody who disagrees. But just to your point, these things are so intense, it's so easy to get triggered when we're having these conversations about things that feel existential. So understanding exactly what you're saying, that we've got to live together after this is all over, we don't get a move out, we're not getting a divorce, we're all gonna live together. Yeah, you've got the Canadian passport. Recognizing we're part of a big national family, as it were, and we have to live together in the aftermath. Maybe we'll make it a little more easy to be a bit more respectful, hopeful, and curious. I love that, that we are a big family, or whether it's country, let's kind of bring it to work. This is Anxiety at Work, the podcast. So what do we do in a work setting? How do we acknowledge those, I just wrote something yesterday for Forbes column where one of the first things I said was you acknowledge the feelings that your people may be experiencing, but not the politics. I think a lot of managers are keeping their heads down, we won't even talk about it, but it's the number one thing on people's minds. So how do you do that? Just, I mean, how does a leader kind of acknowledge this but not get into sides here? Yeah, that is, boy, thanks for the easy softball question. Yeah, good, I'm glad you got the easy one. Yeah, you know, a lot of workplaces won't allow you to bring anything political into the workplace. And while I think in one sense that's kind of a shame because it is, you know, in a democracy, your constitutional right to vote and to gather and to debate, it's just become so toxic that I think that's actually a good policy. Your idea of, hey, I understand there's a lot of anxiety here, you know, we can deal with that, take a deep breath. Let's focus on work today? And then after work, if you want to go grab a beer or something, let's talk about it there because it's not going to do any of us any good or make us even remotely productive if we get bogged down in this subject or that subject. And it's really interesting to me that leaders that address it up front have a much better chance of quelling down and tamping down that anxiety. The rules, you know, Anthony, you talked about, we talked about boundaries and how important that is. And I think those are good boundaries. We're not gonna talk about it. It's gonna be over in a week. And there'll be an aftermath, and we've got counseling services for both sides. I've offered that same thing to my friends that are Yankee fans after losing the World Series to the Dodgers. This idea that, look, this too shall pass, we'll get through this. You think about it. A friend of mine put this in perspective for me, it was really helpful. He said, I know you're getting anxious about this, and I know that this is now the latest, most important election of our generation. I thought the last one was, and I thought actually the one before that was, right? He said, you know, we went through a civil war and we made it through that, you know. And we went through the Vietnam War, which was the war of my brother's generation, and we made it through that. I mean, we've done harder things than this. And you think about what some of the eastern coast states have gone through with hurricanes and all that kind of stuff. You know, this is a nation that does hard things and we get through it. And the reason we get through it, I think, is because of what you said, Anthony, is when it's all said and done, we really are a family. And we really will help somebody bail out their basement. We really will help somebody change the tire on their car. We really will donate to the food bank to help feed families that are food insecure. So I put my faith in the goodness of people, that one way or another, we're still going to pitch in and we're still going to be good neighbors. I hope that makes sense. Absolutely. I love that. And that is just beautiful that I think focusing more on helping people will help distract from the stress of everything else going on. That's a beautiful thought. And I think you're also correct that focusing especially in the workplace on the politics and everything else distracts from the common goals that would otherwise serve to bring us together and form tighter communities. That's a great great way to say it. I appreciate that. Yeah. So Adrian I've got a question for you. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. The election's over. Yeah. Somebody's won. Nobody knows who. It's Thanksgiving. Now what do you do? I mean, it's going to be a crazy little cold brew. What do you do? I think you might be, yeah. Yeah, I mean, there's a couple of things there. One is that, yeah, boy, what around the dinner table. I mean, things may get a little tense. The second is around thanks. So we'll kind of tackle the first one, the toughest one first. Yeah, there's, again, there's gonna still be tension yeah as you mentioned earlier and it's giving each other a little grace but it's as as Anthony was mentioning earlier setting boundaries as well and that it's completely appropriate to say hey guys you know coming out of the election season this table is a time for thanks and it's a time for family and no political talk here and that's that's you know that's the rule we set. It's almost like leaving your phones, not having those. It's we're going to leave this on the side and we're just going to reminisce, we're going to talk about togetherness and yeah, somebody's going to bring you back and you can, hey, rule, remember the rule. And you come back and you make it a time of joy. And this also brings us to the question of gratitude. Now, we wrote a book called leading the gratitude right is that's really good it's a bit probably one of your favorite the question is how do you change your mindset start being more grateful for all that you see in your life uh... if anybody's ever gone through therapy you know that every point in the therapist and session though they'll lead you to or in a series of sessions they'll lead you to see good things that are happening around you. So Anthony, maybe I'll have you ask, okay, how do we get our minds maybe to see a little bit more of the things that we should be grateful for in our lives? I love that question. And the reason is because I can plug meditation. I'm a huge proponent of meditation, prayer, deep thought, anything that brings you a sturdy foundation of peace. Because one of the problems is for a lot of us, as we've said, these political issues feel existential and to not bring them up is almost impossible for a lot of us. So what I've found helpful is recognizing why that I need to bring it up and what I've always come back to is these tough emotions like fear, frustration, anger, anxiety. And I think we're all going to be feeling that at the Thanksgiving table. So recognizing everybody's feeling a little bit afraid, but we're here to support each other, can make it a lot easier. And meditating builds the foundation for you to come back to peace when you're pulled away by these distractions. Yeah, yeah. You know, I think a good exercise for me is, particularly when you've got a relationship that is being damaged, and it's specifically because of the election, right? How could you vote for whoever, right? Is you make a little T-square, and on the left-hand side, you write down all the things you love about that person. And then on the right hand side, you write who they voted for. And you say, does that one thing negate all these other good things? Is really that the poison pill? And hopefully you can look at that and say, no. You know, no. You know, all our history, particularly because, you know, most of the people around your Thanksgiving table are probably family. And the history and the things you went through, and you know, the birth of all the cousins and the funerals that you go to, and the graduations and everything else. You see, does all of that goodness get negated by literally one vote? And hopefully it kind of brings you back to say, hey look, there's so much to be grateful for, there's so much about this person I love. And that's what I did with my friend on this gun issue. It was so interesting and I don't know why I didn't think he had guns in his hand, everybody else I know has a gun in their hand. I mean I've got a friend who's a target shooter and I asked him, I said, so what do you think about guns? He goes, oh, nobody should own a gun. He goes, have you ever shot a gun? I go, no, and I don't have any plans. But this idea of, you just put it in perspective of the relationship, and what are the scales? And I would hope that there would be very few things that one act or one opinion could negate your whole relationship. So I think that little T-square exercise is a good one. And yet, I do know this, and I have family members where if you're gonna vote for this candidate, I'm not talking to you anymore, and it's really a shame. No, it is, and I just think that it's important to remember, you know, probably everyone else at the table is worried that maybe you don't choose to decide that that long list of reasons that you love them is more important than their one vote. So, not only should we assume that they still love us, we should help them see that we still love them because they might be feeling that same thing. That's really important. That's a lovely thought, Justin, well done. What are we missing here? Boy, our time has flown by, oh my gosh. So one of the things that I always say is, look, you can control what you can control. You do that when people are worrying about something at work and becoming anxious about something at work. And focus on what you can control. And as you say, Jess, you've already said you're voted. There's absolutely nothing else you can really control. Control what you can control, which are your emotions, giving grace to others, as we've said, how empathetic you are, how patient you are with this, separating people from their views, setting some boundaries for yourself, taking down the pressure. Those are things that I can control. So that's maybe one thing that I might add as we think about closing up. Tony, what would you add? you at? Yeah, no, I think it's very important to remember to exactly control what you can control. And while we might not always be able to control what emotions pop up, we can practice bringing our emotions back to baseline, that foundation I was talking about. So maybe controlling our emotions isn't the goal, but controlling our response to our emotions with these things we've talked about, hopefulness, curiosity, and respect. Yeah, I would just add to that that I'm a big fan of the power of the pause. You know, we've all got friends that are saying things while they're thinking those things, and it's probably not a good plan, you know? I'm a huge fan of the great Buddha who says, you know, every word that passes through your mouth should go through three doors. And the first door is, is it true? We should speak truth, right? The second door, though, particularly in the political environment, I think is a really good one, is it necessary? And the third door, is it kind? I think if our default is, is what we're saying, is it kind? It'll mitigate a lot of that back and forth and that animosity. And the last thing is, in my family, we're a very physical family. And it's kind of interesting, we probably should have been Italian. Although we're not. Is there's real power in just a hug. You know, there just is. You know, and at Thanksgiving, you get family, you get friends, and greet them with a hug. And just a little whisper, just, hey, I'm so glad you're here, I can't tell you how much I love you, how much you mean to me. And then that power of the pause that says, I'm not gonna get sucked into all this emotion. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? And hopefully that'll mitigate and make your Thanksgiving dinner a lot more interesting. And with less than a week to go, the election as well. Be a good neighbor, be a good friend, be kind, be grateful. Whoever wins, this too shall pass. We've both had one of your hugs, Jess. So we know, yeah, it feels good when Jess comes up and lets you know how much you mean to him. That's always awesome. Hey guys, this has been helpful for me, just as my anxiety has come down. At first when we started it was like, ah, and then it's come down with all of our audience today. This has been great. Thanks you guys. Yeah, and listen, I'll tell you what, the guy I want to thank that's going to put this out for us in a moment's notice is our producer Brent Klein. Brent is down there in Austin, Texas, does a fabulous job, as does Christy Lawrence, who helps us find amazing guests, like Anthony, right? And to all of you who listened in, we know you've got a lot of things to do and that you'd give us some of your time really means a lot to us. If you like the podcast, share it, particularly this one, and share it right away because Thanksgiving and the elections are right around the corner. We'd also love you to visit thecultureworks.com for some free resources to help you and your team and your culture thrive. And we love speaking to audiences around the world, virtually or in person, on the topics of culture and leadership, resilience, so give us a call. We'd love to talk to you about your event. And until next time, Chess, I'm gonna give you the last word this time. Boy, I never get the last word. I actually, I don't know what to say other than have a great week, have a great weekend, get out and vote and love your neighbor. It's always good advice. Take care, everybody. Cheers. Take care everybody. Cheers.