Author Recap: How You Learn Stress-Free Negotiation with Confidence

Ches, another interesting guest, Josh Weiss. There we go. See, I'm doing it. We're pronouncing poor Josh's name wrong here. But a couple of good important things I'm taking away. First off, as I mentioned, we in the past haven't been the best about negotiating because we're pleasers. We want to make everybody happy. But he says, look, that's not what this is about. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. We're not going to negotiate. because we're pleasers, we want to make everybody happy. But he says, look, that's not what this is about. It's about mutual gain and figuring out what the other side wants and what we want before we go in. You know, and it's so interesting. You think about the most anxiety-inducing moments in your career. I get like asking somebody to marry you and all that, it's a whole different deal. Salary negotiations and in negotiating a promotion or am I feeling valued? Those are incredibly stress inducing. What I really appreciate, like you said, mutual gain is don't hesitate to take a pause. Don't say, hey, can we have another meeting? I need more information. The one thing that really struck me is that I've talked to people, they say, okay, we gotta have a plan. No, you don't. In fact, you don't want a plan. You want to have some ideas. You want to have, what is it that I really need? What is kind of some of my non-negotiables? And how do we get to that mutual gain? And then asking the question, like if you're on one side of the table, it's different than being on the other side, right? Why do you need that so badly? Why, why, why, why? Why is that? Socratic why. Right, it's so interesting. I've got a friend and they've got some changes in his workplace and so on. And his commute is going to become a horror show. So as he goes into the negotiation as to how this new role and new location is going to work, I know one of his non-negotiables is, I can't have a three-hour commute to work. hours a day on trains and planes or trains and more trains So, yeah, I I found that a really really helpful I thought that was a really interesting to and I really good gonna say well, let's slow down here Yeah, so why is this so important to you? Yeah, and and so one of the things I took away to as you mentioned about preparation not a plan Is that the great chess players because I was thinking all great chess player. They have the plan in mind, they see the entire move. No, they're reacting, he's exactly right, they're reacting to the move, and then they're planning from there. So I really liked his act, but react and adapt is the idea, watch your contingency plan, and as he's saying, your BATNA. So what's the best alternative, not to, because what I would think of that is like, okay, so if I'm asking for $65,000 for my salary, my BATNA is $55,000. No, no, that's not what he's saying. He's saying, well, what's the best alternative to maybe, as you say, step back or do I look elsewhere or what's my BATNA is not what the lowest amount I will take. Right. He even says, if I don't take that offer, am I going to be homeless or unemployed? The rush to compromise really struck me because that's the easiest thing to do. I'm anxious about it. I just want it to be over. This is good enough. I'll give up this, this, and this. This example of the salespeople coming back with bad contracts, that's what you're inciting them to do. Don't leave the table without a deal. Well, if that's the only thing that's important to my company, I'll give it to you for a penny. I just want the agreement. I don't care if it's a good agreement or a bad agreement. It's an agreement and that's the point. We've seen that, haven't we? With companies we've worked with where they go, why didn't we get into this agreement? We're not making any money. Yeah, but we won. Yeah, we won the deal. And that was the worst thing that ever happened to us. Right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Hey, that was great. I'm sure we could keep going on, but hopefully everybody took some really interesting ideas away. So, you know, Chess, we want to thank everybody who's joined us today, and a big thanks to our producer, Brent Klein, to whom we lose every negotiation we've ever been in, because we will give him the world, right, Chess? Yeah. You know, we were given the be more collaborative and who's more collaborative than Brent Klein? I don't know of anybody. I don't know of anybody. Yeah. And Christy Lawrence who helps us find amazing guests like Josh, to all of you who listened in, if you like the podcast, share it, download it. We'd also love you to visit thecultureworks.com for some free resources to help you and your team culture thrive. Yes, and we love speaking to audiences whether it's live or it's virtual. We do workshops, we do executive coaching. We love to talk about mental health in the workplace on our book, Anxiety at Work. Please pick up a copy. We also talk about leading with gratitude and creating a great culture. So if any of those things are important to you and you've got some high potential leaders you need coached up, please drop us a line, give us a call. We'd love to work with your organization. Have I forgotten anything, Adrian? I'll give you the last word. There's so much more. There's a plethora of information out there. Again, go to thecultureworks.com. You'll learn all about us. And until next time, thanks for joining us, everybody, and we wish you the best of mental health.