#5 Anneke Lucas with Jeanette Archer

Yes, welcome to this episode of my podcast, Annika Lucas, and I am still in the UK and I am very, very happy to interview this person. She's my friend. I was very happy to meet her in person and even work with her already. Um she organized the SRA conference which was held here in the UK. That was a massive event. It was, I believe, an ex extremely important event.

And um uh I saw Jeanette when she uh first spoke out three years ago and immediately felt that this is a voice that will be heard far and wide. And um so before I introduce her to you, I just want to remind you that obviously I've come a long way. We are sitting here. We're not recording this on my iPhone. Lee, thank you very much. We have professional help. And of course this is coming out of my own pocket. So I know that um donations have come in. I'm very grateful.

Uh it's not nearly beginning to cover what I've spent on the podcast so far. I will keep this going as long as possible. But um if you can donate I would very much appreciate it. You can find the donate button in the description and you can also find it on my website. So um without further ado, I want to begin this conversation with my friend Jeanette Archer. Jeanette. Hello. Thank you for having me. My goodness, it's a really Uh I'm just so

I'm happy that we can do this together and um it was so good to meet you. I have to tell everybody how loving you are. Thank you. How sweet and loving you are. Because we know your fear side. I know your fear side. Um it is you know, I get the chills. You're a very powerful person. I love when you speak. And I love how you make people hear you. Yes.

That's the idea. Yeah. Yes. Um so for those who may not know you, um, would you be willing to just give a s an overview as short as or as y long as you would like about what happened to you in childhood? Yes, absolutely. But thank you for that lovely introduction. It's really nice when people do see other sides to me because obviously the fighter and the warrior that's trying to expose

Mae'n rhaid i'r cydweithio yn y cydweithio. Ond mae'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid. I was born into a multi-generational satanic cult family. As far as I know, my whole family were part of a satanic cult that was parents Grandparents on both sides, uncles, aunts, Yeah, it was.

everybody as far as I know were a part of the satanic cult. And then from age three we were But within my family that was the age where we were then handed over to the Colt. and or sold into other smaller cults um for the sake of my parents earning money. Um so I was prostituted from the age of three for their their own money making. So yes, I had to endure from birth to three years old, learning how to tolerate water rituals, drowning.

Rydyn ni'n ei wneud â'r hyfforddiant, a'r pethau, a'r hyfforddiant, a'r hyfforddiant, a'r hyfforddiant, a'r hyfforddiant, a'r hyfforddiant a'r hyfforddiant. and then I was handed into the big colt, you know, which was then um what I now recognise to be the um elites of this world um and I was there really enduring ritual after ritual and probably thousands of rapes by hundreds of people. Um I was also trained as an MK Ultra super soldier.

So maybe that's where the fierceness comes from. Um And yeah, I had a handler who I was regularly at the Tavistock with here in London, um, in London here in the UK. So I think really my main MK Ultra, the super soldier side where I was used f to carry out their atrocities. yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw in rituals through those years. From what my memories have allowed me to see so far, I believe I got out age 22.

So that's the summary really. Well Yes, there's so much in what you said, you know, you uh digest it, you s speak very well, um and then yet What it means, what you say, is just so absolutely devastating um to that little girl that went through that. So I just wanna say I'm so sorry. Thank you. Yeah. And I think if I focus

on the enormity of the trauma every single time I spoke about it, I wouldn't be able to do what I do. That's absolutely true, yeah. Obviously we have to pick and choose. Yeah. Yes. And meanwhile You know, going through our own traumas, um We are able to speak about things without going into the feeling all the time. That's just the truth. We just say what it is.'Cause we've all felt felt everything already.

Yes, and I think as well I know you've spent many years in healing and recovery yourself and The same goes for me. I think I literally shut myself away for twenty odd years, um, before I even considered speaking out publicly. So I think that obviously laid a very strong foundation for me to be able to do what I'm doing now. Absolutely. Yes, that healing, these decades, they're really necessary. I mean, maybe not for everyone, because times are changing and um

People are healing. Yeah. When I was healing, um I didn't find anyone who knew this. And so my therapist didn't actually know. Yeah, same. Yeah, same for me. Okay. And I've had two amazing therapists that I've had for two long chunks of time.

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Because back in those days I didn't even know it had a name. Right. You know. Right. Same here. And um I would have had to have taught them to be able to help me in the end.

So th this you know, this And we do, right? We do Canity Symptom of us. Yeah. Yeah. The second therapist obviously at that point I knew it was satanic ritual abuse and I knew so much more Um but then the next phase and the next phase and the next phase comes and um For me really, I'd say the last couple of years have been about the MK Ultra, the super soldier training and the DID.

Which is also an extremely beneficial tool once you can relate to your inner world and different parts because they come in very handy, you know. So I think Rydyn ni'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd. DID is very useful because I wasn't alone, you know. So and If I need to step down and someone else can step in and you know, we're a team. And I think when you learn to work with that

um life can become easier to do this work. Yeah. Well there's a few things. Um someone at the conference actually says that said that um uh mind control slaves use a larger part of their brain because of course because of all the trauma different parts of our brain were lit up in order to accomplish these various tasks and I think that's true. Um, that the parts come in and of course we are in charge. That's what's important for you and me, that it's you and me who are in charge. So there is a

front person who is directed and is guided and is connected, um rather than a slave to the network. So um So all these parts that have been trained. I feel that yes, most a lot of my parts at least are um happy to be of service um in for another purpose. Yeah. Not for the purpose for which they were created.

That is such an i such an important point because I know I remember for quite some time the part within me that um was the super soldier and has those abilities to carry out the tasks that were given to her. I wanted her to remain that part with those abilities um, forever because she was my protector then, you know. I could turn to those abilities.

ond yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw step down and not feel like she has to be that person because actually those abilities that she has and ha used and was used for I have them anyway. So, you know, Jeanette, the front person, I've been able to say to all my parts now.

relax, step down, you know, you don't need to be the the super soldier, the sex slave, you know, the so on and so on and so on. Um, you know, the the child held in captivity and the the the child that was the pleaser for everybody and i so many different roles. So this is why I think when you can let them all off the hook, so to speak, they haven't got to be that role anymore. The inner world becomes so much happier and then it can bring the front person, you know, so much more inner peace.

And quiet you can really then truly start to rest.

and not feel exhausted every day because everyone's trying to play their roles and you know, it's like you know, everyone can just rest now. Yeah, yeah. I mean that is integration. I call that um front self I actually call parental self, which is sort of how I take d get the distance from the parts. Mm. Like I have a little trick for that. Shall I tell shall I tell you? Yes, please.'Cause I love learning this stuff.'Cause I do actually see

The front part of me is the parent as well. Right. And I and I parent all of them in the way of I keep everyone you know, whether it's loved or disciplined or whatever, you know, I am definitely that parent but yeah. Tell me. So it's a get in parental self. So it's actually like any mind mm mm mind um mindfulness it's a mindfulness exercise but I call it the four C. So I I look at myself

These are four C's. Look at my hand, four C's, but I I used to go like that, you know, because if I'm in a part, it just helps me to get out to do something tactical. So the four C's are, am I calm? There's four C words. Am I connected? Am I compassionate? Am I curious? And if any of those four are missing, then I know I'm in a part, which I wouldn't be doing this unless I was uh obviously in a some kind of a a part or feeling or, you know, like uh reaction.

that helps calm me down but then as soon as I think calm, connected, c um compassionate, curious, I immediately get that distance, I take a few deep breaths, and I just You know, it doesn't always work, you know, sometimes I have to be in a part, right? Sometimes you have to just be in that part because something is coming. Exactly. So it's necessary. Yep. So sometimes the part needs to express.

But if it's just something that happens and you're not really observing, then it's a good way for me to go and okay, um, get that little bit of space, you know, create a little bit of space. And just to look at it and then immediately find that because once I say compassion it's like okay, it's not hard to find inside of me. Yeah. So that you know, or sometimes you know, I'd find that I

have those but not curiosity and that's an interesting one. It's like I'm not interested and the the not being interested

Yeah. No, it's uh i I mean that's perfect, but because also when you said curiosity m I immediately thought, yeah,'cause that's the one I struggle with because there's such a big part of me that's like, Well no, I need to be in control here and you know, sometimes it's just too exhausting to keep worrying about all their needs but what I like about curiosity as well is the fact that they're the parts my parts want to be curious too.

And I have to find the compassion to allow that, especially the smaller ones. You know. So I struggled with allowing them to be curious and them to have the time and the space.

Well I can imagine that the super soldier that you were trained. I was just never trained as a super soldier. I was trained physically because I had to be healthy. Yeah. And I had to be in good shape and I had to be flexible for the sex. So I was trained physically. Um and I'm still doing that. Hm. I keep doing it, you know, I keep doing the yoga. But now for your own benefit? Only for me. It's my health insurance. It keeps me healthy to do yoga every day.

So um but now what they taught me to do and made me do really More like bootk boot camp, but it was not that different from the yoga practice that I do, strangely. It wasn't breathing into the poses and holding them, but it was similar movements. For strength and flexibility. Yeah. Some aesthetics and fitness to look good for what you were being trained for. Exactly. Yeah. Secretly. Because it had to look like I just rolled out of bed.

Secretly, of course. Yeah. And then secretly do a lot of work to look that way. Yes. But I can see that your super soldier, um that this super soldier became a an a a an enormous protector, like almost larger than life protector, you know? And that a lot of people have um found that protection from you. You know, that really a lot of survivors and a lot of people have seen the protector and that protector turned against

you know, the perpetrators and turn towards the children. Yeah. Is a very powerful force. Yeah. And before I even recognized my MK super soldier training, I always had this very strong trait as a protector. whether it be my friends or, you know, family or whatever, I I was it was just one of my most dominant characteristics, you know, personality traits. I'm a protector first and foremost over everybody and um But yes, what they taught me to do and used my abilities for

I then turned back on them this one fine day and walked away from a bloodbath. Could you tell us a little bit more about that? So the memory that I have of it to this day, because also my parts are very loving towards me now. So I I you know this this second decade 'Cause for some time I thought I was um free from sort of ten eleven ish and then discovered this second decade.

So my parts just gently sort of feed me in f little bits and bobs and, you know, it's not I don't get that tsunami of memory recovery now, you know, the ones that just put you on the floor for weeks and So I'm I'm gathering the information at a point that doesn't disable me in any way, shape or form, which is just beautiful. So what I have to date, because I I asked, I I asked

you know, the part of me that went through this, um, I said, I really wanna know how I got out You know, that was my burning question. How did I get out? How did they let me walk? You know. Um and then what I've recovered, the memories that I've recovered and been shown is that um at twenty one, when I was twenty one there was a huge ritual on my behalf. I do think that they were preparing me to go on to be a powerful

woman in the r in the cult. Um, I'm sure there's terminology for it, you know, um mother of darkness or something like that. But again I haven't got the correct wording yet, so I don't wanna just m you know assume. But there was they I was being prepared for something at age twenty-one. Um and I remember Literally that big ritual at age twenty one and then I remember being twenty two. So a year must have gone by. I was definitely twenty two.

and I was in a ritual scenario and I remember the rage that came up inside me because I was looking around at all these vile, disgusting creatures and they were laughing at what the children were going through on the um you know, the sacrificing the you know, the mutilation, the raping, the drinking the blood and and they were getting high on adrenochrome. And it was one of the things that I always despised like so deep within me was how high they would get on adrenochrome.

and these squealing noises they'd start to make and so on and so forth. So this was happening this day and I just the rage just kept coming and coming and and I was an observer at this ritual. So that tells me by now I wasn't actually being tortured and raped in the ritual. I was being made to observe the ritual. And I just remember seeing all this laughter and something in me just took over, obviously it was the assassin and I all I remember was the rage and then I remember the aftermath.

And the aftermath was yeah. A bloodbath but of them of them. Not the bloodbath they created. Exactly. And I think I left probably three of them standing. And they were cowering then begging me to not do the same to them. I guess I shouldn't be laughing. But um I wish I could have seen that. Yeah. Why wouldn't you feel that? You know? What justice have we ever had in that respect and and those are moments. Exactly. You know? Exactly. When it's turned on them because those children

Yes, there's so much mockery. And the sadism is so beyond extreme. That's why people don't believe it. Mm-hmm. They don't believe us because it's so beyond extreme. That sadism like on that level can exist b by people that you you see on television. So And that was the day I walked away. And they let you go. They did. Yeah.

I remember one of those three men, I heard him say go and get her, go and get her to the other two, and then I heard another one of them say no. I think they knew they'd lost control. Um and that's my memory up till now, you know. probably don't need to remember any more of that. Yeah. You know.

Do you do remember because you said your entire family? It's the satanic family and it's generations. So now you've walked away, you've been prepared from birth. When I when you say preparing a baby For being raped, you know, we know what that means. Um there's also things that people are told to do, actually taught to do, that I've read about, I've heard about. And then um at three you were offered to the cult.

And you were raped in this cult and then you were trafficked, sex trafficked mostly, usually both in the cult with famous people, with the elite and we're in the UK. And as well, your parents on the side of that prostituted you out and then got you know, got got just paid for it. So what they did in the network, it gave them status.

When they gave you out in the network, it gave them something too? I don't know because I don't ever remember my parents having any status of of any kind. You know, they s they remained in poverty and, you know, we grew up I grew up on, you know, poor areas of London. So I don't remember my parents getting status at all. I think I was Taken because it was my grandfather that ran the farm that belonged to the Crown Estate.

And he was the cleaner there, you know, the fixer, the one that cleared everything up afterwards and Yeah, sorry, crown estate. What does that mean? It means it belongs to the royal family. Gotcha, gotcha, good. Thank you. So it was royal land.

Um and he was the cleaner. He was the person that organized all the events there, all the rituals and the dates and all the rest of it. I think I was taken there as just w another one of those children, you know, that were taken for rituals i within the generational families. And I think their seers, their people that spot these children with abilities, spotted me. I was taken. I don't think my parents benefited with status at all.

Not that I'm aware of I didn't I didn't see them climb any heights of you know their life didn't improve in any way, shape or form. It's interesting because I know other survivors Uh had that had to do with the the the UK royals that also did not um really get any status, but in Belgium it was sort of like And even also in at the the the the the American with the American it was sort of whatever you really wanted. So if you really wanted

something you could get it, but it was about asking. So if you forgot to ask and you were poor, m maybe you forgot to you didn't ask because you didn't think you could. and that what people got at the at the lowest level was always protection. Okay. Protection from being caught caught as a for pedophilia or protection from whatever o other crimes they may be involved in. Yeah. Well that would make a lot of sense. because obviously my family were um overtly Abusing children.

you know, satanically abusing children. You know, there was a local pub in the area where us children would be taken frequently, that had a room with a big round concrete slab that you know, I don't know I say you know, but I don't know if it's ever happened to you where you'd be I would be tied onto it, you know, with ev arms out, legs out and it would spin and So and then wherever it stopped that person was allowed to rape. m me on the stone slab and

So there was this was very um openly going on. It's like a millstone. Yeah, millstone, exactly. So I actually have heard a survivor in Holland describe the same thing. Okay, yeah. With the with the Dutch royals involved. Wow. Yeah. And this was in the back room of a pub in South West London. Because it

n it always went on, you know, whoever They were never caught. No one ever paid any consequences. Yes, and then if they ever did get in trouble then somebody somewhere along the line would get them off. That was that was really what I what I learned from, you know, this so Your family was doing this to you. They gave you away willingly. They trained you and everything. And then you were picked out, it seems. So you know, at age three maybe you were

um screened, you know, they do triage and they do find your special gifts. They're gonna find them. And then you get this their training. When was your family very involved, other than sort of babysitting you after you were picked out? I don't think they had a say in much after that. I I remember I have memories of my mother taking me to the taverstock and handing me over to the men in the white coat. Um So this is a Tavix Tavistock Institute in London, yeah, correct? Yeah.

Obviously I have memories of my parents taking me to rituals in all different houses. I do remember my parents taking me to the farm which was the Crown Estate. I do remember my mother being um present also at the bigger um Royal Estate. occasionally, but what uh would happen quite frequently as well was that the police would come to my house where we live. um just a small mason it and my mother would have me dressed and ready to go.

and open the door and they would take me off and deliver me. The police, yeah. In uniforms. They would quite often rape me bef in the car before I was even delivered to Rydyn ni'n ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r

So th the police served as handlers and those police that are then of course involved in that, they are themselves involved in rapists and compromised and so They become the protectors then. Yeah. Because that's how nobody ever gets charged and you know, to this day now, this th that's still the pattern. Well nothing's been done to change it. Not yet. Except for uh you speaking out and others.

Us speaking out. That's really all that's being done to really create uh a difference that's to raise awareness. And it's a good start. A good start. And again your family I I see how your mother was involved, which was um even though she was within the network because they were not, let's say, high placed in the network, there was very little control they had over you. So you were really they were really just delivering you.

And then your grandfather had an a more important role as sort of the the the cleaner slash keeper and and mind control trainer. for a lot of uh people and you've shared things before about the farms, so it sounds like that time And that place was uh you know, just absolutely horrifying as well. And then he was too. And then when you were twenty-two and you

And this happened what you described. And they let you go. Your parents not really being very important in the network and sort of having delivered you to the network uh for all these years when at twenty two you created the bloodbath in the network and they let you go. How did this affect your relationship with your family?

I think I was still in such a heightened state of trauma. I had severe amnesia about everything that had gone before. So I tried to just mm make life normal and um create some kind of persona that would fit into the world and and I'd been doing that anyway, you know. There's you definitely exist in two different worlds and you have to somehow well, you just become a master of disguise, let's face it. I certainly did. So I think I just because I was never

you know, taken away from my family for like years at a time or anything like that. I'm sure it was probably days at a time uh or a couple of weeks at a time, you know, uh at the most. So I was still living in my family

world. Um So I think I just carried on that way. And then through from really then, from twenty two for the nec the coming years, I just got yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw a lot of mental health issues and I ended up as an outpatient, what was then called the National Hospital for Nervous Diseases in London.

I managed to beg and plead to stay as an outpatient so I didn't have to be admitted because that literally would have been my idea of hell again. And then at age 28 I had my suicide plan in place and that's what I was going to do. I knew something horrific was wrong with me. I also had started to notice in the build-up to that this rage I felt towards my mother. You know feelings were coming up. feelings were coming alive. I wasn't dead inside any longer.

and those feelings were becoming unmanageable. You know, I couldn't even sit in a car next to my mother. I remember once her dropping me off to work or something like that and me just like, Oh my God, this rage and I was what's wrong with you, Jeanette? You know, this is your mum and I was so um trapped in just the feeling but had no memory recall whatsoever at this point.

So age twenty eight when um I was gonna commit suicide 'Cause I'd had that suicide plan in place for a long time, you know, and and I say Now actually it was my suicide plan that kept me alive because I had always that comfort of that back up, you know, I can go at any time, I can release myself from this hell at any time. So my suicide plan kept me alive. And then at age twenty-eight, I remember just sitting there going.

Okay. what what's wrong with me and talking to whoever, you know, um you've got to show me'cause I knew there was I was hiding stuff from myself. And I just looked up and said, Show me or I'm leaving. I'm coming home. because i I know what's there, you know, from all my near death experiences and so on and so forth and out of body experiences and, you know, for me that's like gonna be

wonderful day, you know he's Yeah we're not afraid to die. No, my God no I promise you if anyone's ever worried about it don't be'cause it's the most beautiful thing in the world. Well, it depends on your life. Yeah. Well, yeah, it but I don't think there's any life that will beat that feeling. But anyway I don't encourage anybody, let me make that clear. I'm not encouraging you to leave the planet. I'm just saying don't fear it if it's coming. So

I just that was my decision. Show me or I'm leaving. And um the very next day I woke up and I opened my eyes in the morning and it was like someone had a TV screen in front of my face and I got my first flashback. And it just was like watching this thing in colour. Um and I got that intensity of flashbacks for the next five years. And it just my world just went to pieces. And I remember just metaphorically thinking

like scrabbling on my hands and knees, just trying to find a piece of something that I could start to rebuild with and start to make sense of. Um and yeah, literally blood, sweat and tears of getting through those years. And then I did start to rebuild and I did start to try and m you know, um start piecing it together. You know, I'd get memories. My very first flashbacks was of my uncle abusing me.

um and then it would be another family member and another family member. I mean, my mum really, I didn't remember my mum's um participation in any of it pro till Years after that, you know, I think she was the last one I remembered, you know, I still saw her as the loving mummy and because that's the role she played, the saviour. You know, she was the one that was

there when I was being horrifically tortured, um, down one end, she'd be up the other end stroking my hair. You know, there, there, it's okay, mummy's here. That was her role. Oh wow. She was the one when I was put in a coffin after a ritual and buried underground that was allowed to be there when they brought me up.

And the one the rescuer li lift me out of the coffin. And then take me in for some food and water after I'd been starred for days. So I that's how she stayed that as that figure in my head for years. So yeah, but it was age 28 when I started to recover the memories, I started to speak out to my family, I was given the ultimatum, shut up. Or you're out. And I walked away. Cut'em all out. Well they cut me out. I cut and I decided'cause it was either stay living in the lie And silence.

Or go it alone and live in my truth, and that's obviously what I did. Yes, and that is a process that actually And I speak to people, this process it's an isolating process because now you've lost your family. So once you decide to choose for truth, I mean you've spent you said five years. Um you know, but yes, I remember the time when it was just really hard to get through today. Yeah. Because the tears were just making my face hurt so much because I was crying so much.

and I could barely move and still I had to get up and or or not and I just had to grieve and it was just so um grueling. And in the depth of grief I wouldn't necessarily get clarity, new clarity. No. You know, in the beginning I ha I had weeks of grief and then I had clarity so of something. And then that was like okay, I can

That keeps me going. Yeah. I have the insight now. And I feel that it's I even felt right away that it's not just for me. That I feel it for me, but it's like an a an an a it's it's like a mathematical formula that what I am uncovering here that this is for me but this is also larger than just me. Which I think it's vibr vibrationally it's Yeah. It's it makes a difference when we

face our shadow and uncover the darkness and this where we have the courage to to to to to feel to feel the repressed feelings and look at them. That brings itself, I believe, brings this awareness into the ether more clearly when we see it more clearly. Yeah, I agree. I mean those days where literally the tsunami of emotions hit you And like you say, even at that point you don't even have clarity. You have to get through that tsunami of emotions first.

But I w I wouldn't go back there for anything. But I also don't have one moment of regret for doing it because it's so

worth it when you do then get your moment of clarity and understanding of everything that's attached to it because then it heals. And I've always instinctively somehow knew, just keep searching for that that keep searching for that, keep searching for the purpose, keep searching for the whys and the hows and you know, because as soon as something makes sense to me, It heals and it leaves me.

That is literally been my mantra, you know, it's it was like an inbuilt instinct for me. Um, and that's what I always try and encourage in other survivors that are new. new to the f the feeling side of it, you know. There's not even a word to describe it is there, you know, but once you actually then can start piecing it together and making sense of things. The healing truly starts, and yes, I believe universally that.

on a divine level, every survivor that starts to break their silence and heal start their healing journey, which in whatever way that is unique to them We our light just joins up and just gets bigger and brighter and stronger and this is why their darkness is diminishing. So this is all it takes.'Cause if you imagined, if every single survivor on this planet spoke out and broke their silence, it would be over for them. They would have nowhere left to operate because they depend on silence.

yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r We're breaking it. We don't have to have a courtroom to tell us what happened to us. We don't need that kind of justice. This is our justice. We are going against every single thing they tortured us for. That's right. We're speaking. That's exactly right. That's very inspiring.

That's why I do what I do. Mm hmm. Mm-hmm. Because if people can look at me and go, Well, she's still alive She's doing it, you know, she's functioning and it can just inspire one more and one more and one more. And I always knew that was my purpose as well. Mm-hmm. My reason for still being here. 'Cause we're all walking miracles, let's face it. You know. We are walking miracles, that's true. We should have died a thousand times.

And the the last thing I would like to to focus on and I know this may seem like a very incomplete interview but this is what game and I feel it's so valuable what you shared and maybe not what you share every day. Um but I Um that path that you say, you know, like it was so hard, it is so difficult, you're crawling on the floor, you're describing, and yes.

This isolation, once you lost your family, now you are isolated. And I'm assuming that like myself, people just fall away because they're not the They can't handle it and you are growing, you with the healing that you're doing, you're growing in awareness, you're becoming more clear. you're becoming more integrated and um you're you you're able to use your will power and that healing, uh, which leads to your

your path, really, um nevertheless takes you through a very narrow dark tunnel where there is really seems like complete isolation the dark night of the soul maybe. Yeah. So if you would like to speak to that for you know, it would be very grateful.

I think it's necessary that everyone falls away because for me in you know, one day I lost Three sisters, one brother, eight nieces and nephews. They were the the you know, the the family left in my life. Ch you you b this is your ultimatum, you either live a lie or you live in your truth, but you'll lose us. I had to me that there was no there was no choice. I was never ever gonna live one more day in that lie and covering up the truth.

Felly mae'r hyn yn ymwneudol yn ymwneudol yn ymwneudol yn ymwneudol yn ymwneudol yn ymwneudol yn ymwneudol yn ymwneudol yn ymwneudol yn ymwneudol um and people fall away. Now for me I believe that is a very necessary process because when you are living in denial or with repressed memories and, you know, all the things that we're in before we're recovering memories, we can only then attract people in our lives that we believe we deserve.

And when we are trapped in our lie we also ha what goes hand in hand with that is that we have zero self-worth, zero self-esteem, zero self-love. You know, I didn't even believe I deserved an inch of space on the planet to exist. You know, so how can we possibly at that point have anybody in our lives that are going to be healthy for us? It's just the the law, you know, the it's a it's um it's uh a law of attraction thing, you know, so

it's necessary that all of it goes. All of it goes. You have to strip back to bare everything, you know. I used to sort of visualize like a big whiteboard and you know all the writing on it that was my life as I knew it and I had to just wipe it all clean. And then there it is. I have got a big whiteboard there that is a clean space and I now get to choose to choose what I put on it, you know. I get to choose actually, what do you like to eat?

What colours do you like? What clothes do you like? You know, I had to build this identity o of from truth. Not from what was built for me or what I tried to um take on because I had to be a master of disguise, you know. So it's so necessary to go through that process. If you're fortunate enough to have a friend, just one friend, or two friends, whoever that can

go through the next part of your journey with you, then I think you've been sent an earth angel, you know, that's there for that purpose. But generally speaking, I think it's necessary. I think you have to go through th all that loss. But it is Completely worth it because as soon as you then start to heal and recover and live in your truth, then authentic, loving, compassionate people will find you. Exactly.

Exactly. Thank you for speaking to this. I think this is an important topic. You inspire many survivors, but these are some of the details. It is very difficult. It is gruesome. Um I work with people who are in that place where they're crawling. they can barely see the light at the end of a tunnel. And yet they're going through it because they they intuitively know that they're on the right path, even if there's little or no

benefit result in f in the physical realm. They just get a little bit of clarity, but meanwhile things seem to get worse even. But they're in that phase of Where everything drops away. Yeah. And everyone drops away. Yeah. And um I think what you have to say on that is very inspiring because of who you are. It's a really tough place to be, but I think it's also so important to remember if you are speaking your truth, you are creating your light.

And that will bring you through the tunnel. And I wanna say speaking truth because you know it's not like it's my truth versus your truth. It is truth versus denial. The truth. The truth. It is the truth. It's non negotiable. Yeah, no, we're in the physical realm. There's things that happen. I have my hand on the table. That's a fact. We all agree on that. That's why the physical realm has that grounding ability. There's a relative reality here that we can all see and accept. And

your our relative reality is this. Yes. Yes. And that so that therefore that is the truth. That is not a spiritual truth. That is just the physical facts of what we live through. And um to confront that and to stick to that, that is a spiritual journey, I believe. It is mind, body and spirit. It affects every single part of us. But your spiritual truth will be the strongest part of you that will keep you going until everything is at peace.