What's dev' slip service. I'm answer like, yee, I'm JJ Maguire, I'm Jordie Jor, I'm Jazz and Brand, and I'm Devin simooney Man. This is the perfect time of the year for this because Devin Simone who is a match maker, relationship expert, all of the things you know her from TV. Also, we're so honored to have you here because this is a stressful time for some people when it comes to relationships and dating. So for clarity, who hear a single okay two of.
Us, Yeah, we need help.
And Devin and we do want to say congratulations because I know you've been married for how long now.
Like about a year and a half?
Okay, thank you?
Designed for myself.
You know, sometimes people try to discredit, like if you're not married, they'd be like, oh, how are you offering? You know, how is that for you? Because people tend to.
They do do that.
And I say, you know, no one can help you get the ring better than I can, because I've got it multiple times your house.
But I wanted it to be the right person.
So I waited to actually get married and walk down the aisle with the right person. And I waited for my perfect person. But I think you know they're they're good dating experts and relationship experts who were just knowledgeable because we geek out on it.
Like honestly, I.
Love learning why we connect with certain people, how it changes every year. Like to me, that's just always been fascinating. So don't rule someone out just because they're single. But look, if they haven't been able to hold down a relationship for like decades, I might side eye them and not take their advice.
Okay, all right, well so Gigi you're single now, yes, still, Gigi's been through a lot too, she's gotten a well.
Yeah, she was engaged. We were engaged.
We did see the jeweler, but I never got the ring. It only lasted sixty five days.
Okay, the relationship okay, so it was like fire, very like Verry fat can happen.
It's just as fast as that ended.
What do you what are your thoughts about that, Devin? If you think about somebody meeting someone, some people will believe in love at first sight. Right, And like Gigi got engaged very quickly, like three days she came like I saw her, and then the next time I saw her, she was engaged to somebody we'd never heard of. That it was wild, But what do you think about that, Like if someone comes to you like I met this person. Three days later they're like, we're getting married.
I think it's it's totally fine to have all the feelings but still take your time to actually move forward, which obviously you did and you saw some things.
That ultimately you were like, yeah, I.
Say, of the sparks, because sparks can lead to fire damage, Like people are looking for that, like.
Oh, we felt it right away.
Yeah, but the slow burn is good too, Like that's something that has longevity, so slow don't rule that out.
Yeah, I think that's the lesson that I did learn.
It's like, okay, girl, that was cute and all, but take your time because it wasn't clearly wasn't right.
This is a year ago.
And sometimes it's fun too, Like feeling like you just got head over heels into something. Maybe you're also getting over something else, and that can also get us to feel like this is you know, it's like a replacement situation.
I'm enjoying being single for the most part, but I am start.
Getting a little like bored.
Okay, I don't want to use the word lonely because you know, ain't nobody going to me?
You can call someone.
Yeah, but I'm bored, like I want you know, I want like the field.
But do you are you bored?
Like you want to winter cuddle buddy, you know someone that's just kind of like fun and that you to keep you occupied now or you like, I'm open because I want something.
I want to I want to date with the purpose.
Okay, yeah, okay, yeah, I want to date with like this is really going to probably end up in marriage. Okay, So then say that, don't stand bored because even putting that energy out there, it's like people who are going to come and just occupy your time and not add value to your time.
Okay, already an I want three boyfriends a roster. I want a roster. Three is good.
Numbers, like, just to balance me out a little bit. Because I was celibate for two years, so I wasn't dating. I wasn't really doing anything for a while two years basically, And.
What led to that chort or like I was in.
A situationship and I felt like I kept finding myself in situations where I was using my body in a way that didn't feel good to me, and so I was like, you know what, let me just cut the shit out and take a little breather and see what.
I've never really been that.
Thoughty, I like that word.
It has never really been my thing.
And so that's what I realized about myself, is that I get emotionally attached.
Sometimes I could be a savage, but that's kind of where I'm at now.
I want diverse, but with the same people.
I don't want to be out here Thoughty.
Yeah.
Yeah, but you know, a little rotation. Yeah, And that's totally valid too.
And I think the best step is, like for anyone, recognizing where you are and what you're looking for and
being clear about that. Something that so Tinder just did their year in swipe right and one of the things that they saw even in like dating bios we're calling it loud looking but sort of looking for was the top ranked thing that was mentioned in profiles this year versus say last year, where people are being clear about what this is what I'm looking for, whether it's you know, I kind of want a roster, I'm looking for something long term, even if it's like I'm in a place
that I'm not quite sure. They're just being communicative about that versus a year ago where situationships and ambiguity and being like I don't really know what I want was the thing.
Being clear? Yeah, it's like the first step.
Yeah, because sometimes people used to always say things like, oh, well, you know, it'll just find you, or if you're looking for it, it won't happen. People used to say, I feel like that's an old school type of thing, because now I always felt like dating, if you really know what you want and your intentional it is like looking for a.
Job, that's what.
Yeah, I tell you that. Yeah, it's like I gotta like really be clear these You gotta leave the house and look online. Dating is the same thing as like applying for jobs, and you might get some rejections. You might find some jobs, go on these interviews it doesn't work out, or you might go and get hired.
Yeah literally, or you might do hi, you might hire somebody. Never been on a dating.
It, really I think you should try. I think you would love it.
I mean seeking arrangements, but they don't really count. That's a dating app. It can be I don't find anybody at the time.
What about being intentional about that like, I just want somebody with a lot of money to take care of me.
I mean again, be intentional, know yourself, know thyself, be true, and be honest about it.
And I think that's totally valid and fine.
And then you can move to move in a direction because you looking for intinctionality right now, since that's different than Jeordie wanting a roster, you're gonna move a little bit differently and how you're evaluating people and dating people. So it's also why it's important to kind of like speak it out loud and really know, like, all right, this is where we are, and if it changes in
terms of what you want, that's totally okay too. But fifty percent of new relationships they just we actually I was just speaking with a clinical researcher, clinical psychologist, and they found that fifty percent of relationships now begin online. Like that it is, and people who are really imbursed out using online Like no one's still using a rotary phone, being like ah man, those cell phones, that technology, you'd look at them like what like where you what? Ha?
So online dating is the same thing.
Doesn't mean it has to only be that people are still meeting in person, but opening yourself up to that also opens up a whole new world of possibilities.
Right to meet your husband online.
Very gay period.
All the engagements came from online, So I'm just saying, well, there's three So what made you feel like?
Okay? Like even in his profile, what made you say I'll go out with him?
Ha?
Okay?
So so he and I met online, probably like in twenty seventeen, So I don't know what was the math like seven years ago, and I think it was what he wrote was kind of witty, like funny. He was cute in his photos, but guys also take weird photos online too, and he's a creative advertising so even now, so like once we reconnected an explant second, I like went through his profile just for fun and I was like, ew, I never would have swiped on this now, like your
photos are awful. So but he had at least like two presentable ones that I was a good photo just for people. Listen to your face a guy, especially for men or women out at a social function is good.
All of them.
Can't be with your friends, but at least one maybe where you're dressed, you're at a wedding, you were at a friend's didn't birthday dinner or something like that with good lighting, that's a good one. A solo shot outdoors, just because outdoor lighting is the best natural lighting, and studies show that that tends to do really well, like with a lot of blue background. If you have pets, or like a particular hobby or activity, you like one
photo that shows you doing that. You don't have to be dulled up in it, but it just shows because what you're doing is you're filling in the blanks with your photos, right, Like, there's only so much you can
write on your profile. So instead of being like I like to try things and I like animals, show a picture of you with animals, or show a picture of you, you know, doing painting or hiking or doing whatever the thing is, and make sure you're like at least laughing in one or something like just that you don't take yourself so sick of me.
I want you to do an audit of my I would eating okay, And you say it doesn't really say anything.
I'm really bad at bio.
Wait, it isn't anything at all. Hold on, let me see she pulls that up. Let me see what's going.
Yeah, So whilst he's looking at that. What's some advice you would give for somebody's bio.
There's no ex uses. Now.
First of all, there should be one chat GPT is free claude AI, which I prefer. It's more conversational. You can also use for free. You can put in some bullet points about yourself and say, I and my name is blah blah blah. I am thirty six, I live here, I am trying to track this, this and this.
I like, uh, you know dogs, I work in radio. I da da da. My friends describe me of this.
Write me a compelling, short, witty bio, give me some options, and then it'll keep doing. You can even pull some of your favorite lines from each of the options it gives you and create to customize.
But you don't have to do any of.
The thinking, Okay, you're doing it's really that.
Don't worry. I'm seeing I'm seeing.
It all by doing it. It's so cute and dope. I think any guy would be so excited to end up on a date with Jordan.
You would think so.
So it says my job obviously, because you have to put that in there, and then it just says about you for your job. It says DJ, nonprofit co founder, a music loving potato enthusiast, and then it says I'm a straight woman interested in women and men, though I'd love.
To connect with anyone because it has both men and women. Did you guys feel confused by what she? I feel like it was.
Yeah, I didn't know she wanted to date a potato.
I mean that it was the love of my life.
So I didn't based. I didn't.
It didn't match to me what you what you like, who you are yea, who you are, and what you say and then what you're looking for?
To me, it didn't okay, how how would I like? What should I shift? I actually liked your first line a lot.
I thought it was funny. And even if it does, that part doesn't make sense. It stops you in your potato. And those are all great first line, like for people thinking what would I say to that?
That's those are all first lines.
It was the rest that got confusing, of like, you literally contradict yourself because you go out a straight woman but looking to meet anyone and so and in what content and what capacity? Like, all of that starts to get confusing. So I focus on one other thing about you that is that really does show or reflect kind of you or your personality.
So leave the potato line. I think it's funny.
But then just something about like, you know, passionate Like you mentioned you have a nonprofit, so like passionate about you know, whatever the causes or enjoy doing X. And then write something that gets you excited in a potential like partner or rostermate. So be like bonus points if you know how to blank, or if you're good at this, or.
You know, you might catch my eye if you do that.
So you're kind of like teased dangling a little bit so that they can come for it.
Okay, got it perfect?
We like that not yeah, because and I think there's so many things that you know, you're very close to your father. I think that's you know, that's always a bonus. I think it matters a lot how people interact with like family and you know, so I always look at that as a plus if somebody I love when people have like great relationships with you know, I always think it's a red flag if they don't.
Right.
We were talking about this today, which is funny on the Today Show about if that's a flag or not. I agree it's always better when they're close with their family. But I do think you have to make space for the fact that not everyone grew up with a supporting, a supportive or loving you know, and so and as we move into a place of personal growth and we get older, and I feel like when we were younger in our parents' generations, there's a little bit of toxicity where it's like you stick beside.
Them no matter what happened.
And now we've come to a place that like, I can love you, but I may need to do so from a distance if you weren't healthy for me. So be careful and using a broad brush to like for anyone like fine, doubt the why behind maybe why they have the dynamic with their family, because yeah, because my.
Mom used to be like, the first time I heard your father yeo was the day we got married. And then she was like, we would the whole family when we would come there, they would all be like, oh, man, here he comes. So it always was kind of something that's stuck in my head, you know, when she did say that, sorry, Dad, I know he listens. Now I
want to ask you some other questions. Okay, so how do you know when it's time to give someone a chance, even though they may have had a rocky pass, Like we all know the person who Maybe people are like, oh, he was a cheater, He's always going to be a cheater. Maybe you start dating somebody and somebody sends you a message like, girl, he used to date my friend and he was, you know, awful. Right, So what do you do in that case, because you do want to make
sure you have your guard up a little. But at the same time, you can't take somebody else's experience, you know, and run with that. But then maybe you're ignoring something that could really be like a we try to tell you because we see it happen all the time.
That's a really good question.
One thing I'd say is probably look at look at the signs outside of you. Right, So if they're saying they're changed person, how are they moving through the world, just in how they treat women? For example, in general, do they seem like they're a respectful person consistently, not only to the woman they're trying to woo in that moment, but like in general, that's a good sign. Ask him about ask him about his past relationships, be like, what
did you learn from that relationship because that helps. You're now giving him all the tools to see where he paces places the blame what he says about it. You know, it's not like, well why didn't you work out with her? Why'd you cheat on her? It's just what did you learn?
And if he's like, well, she did this, and she did that, and she did this, and there's nobility accountability, like but if he's like, you know what, back then, I wasn't really sure because for probably most of us here, there's someone in our past who be like, they're terrible, you know what I mean, like they broke my heart, they did this, or they whatever, And we had our reasons for doing what we did, so it doesn't necessarily make us bad.
It doesn't necessarily make this other person bad.
But if they if they keep, if the way that they speak and the way that they move outside of how they are directly towards you is still consistent with all the negativity you're hearing, then they probably haven't outgrown that, and you probably you know, should look but not touched now.
This year is wipe list in particular. Jordan and I have a really big issue, yes with something on this list. All right, So the years wipe is basically tender talking about the dating transfer twenty twenty four, what's ahead for twenty twenty five? Now one part of this seed all over your face and said the most attractive users star signs in twenty twenty four to men, and for some reason for men and women, Capricorn was last on the list.
We were the bottom of every zodiocracy.
Everything else was kind of on point. But then we saw that and it made us question.
This wholes.
It was given before us. Know you were and enough gem and I was most attractive two men. We're crazy. I like that apparently, But how important is and we're not placing no importance on this particular list, but how important do you think astrology is? And have you been a person Devin who has been like, okay, well, oh no, I don't date that sign.
I've never intentionally said I don't date a sign, but I will say in all my dating history, when I started to look at it, there were a lot of clusters of similar sign like a lot of people born within the same like two or three weeks here and the same, never intentionally, so there's got to be something around what you're like drawn to. Now you know those persons. People worked out and I ended up marrying a Gemini. And I had been warned about what a Gemini means.
It's going on wars. And you know, while I think that he has, like there's multiple sides to him just in terms of like his interests, like he can you know, uh, there's a lot that he can do. You can kind of take him anywhere. He's an adaptable person.
He's not he's you know, he's pretty straight. I'm totally crazier than he is. And that's how people.
But I never dated a Gemini before him and that and he was like, he's my person through and through.
That seems to be the cluster of what I've dated as a Gemini, like most of my significant relationships have been.
So maybe move away from the like experiment with out of the cluster.
Get yourself a Scorpio or something wild, maybe a virgo.
I've had that I really liked.
The guy on the top of my list right now is just.
Said to terrorists, the terrorists, but you know there's fiance, so you try to move out your comfort zone.
But you know, this Capricorn thing is still really.
Traveling with these Listen, this is just data, So this isn't even like, oh this is That's one of the best things about tender right.
It's the largest eating from the world, so the data is speaking. Halpercorn is the most rare sign. So maybe it's just because.
There's yeah that you know.
That's probably why I'm glad you guys found a way all right now.
Another thing we wanted to ask about is unique dates. We were talking about this before you got here, and I know there are some things on here. Kiss met right, kiss met, So it's like destiny or face spontanatey. We wanted to ask about in this room, what has been the most unique spontaneous date that you've ever been on that you can think of off the top of your head. Maybe it did or it didn't work out, but it's still as cute because I think people are always looking
for ideas too, something different to do. What about Let's start with your Devin.
Let's see my interesting because I need it. I've lived lives before my married life, and I think one of them is like hopped on a plane to Toronto, just like like pack a bag, let's go spent the weekend there, had a really great time. It was my first time, I was like twenty one, so it was my first time going to Toronto and then flew back the next
day and it was just like a vibe. And then that same person we like went to hopped on a plane to Barbados, and then we crashed a wedding that Katy Perry was performing at.
Oh wow, and it was, you know, a good question. I don't know what it was at the time, it was good.
Well, so we crashed the know weren't invited to the wedding, but it was his like people he knew were working it, like were the security for it. However, I was recognized as not being on the guest list. I think I got too close to the stage and then at a s we had to dip out of the wedding before it was like.
Wait a minute, I don't feel like I know this not a hell of a performance.
It was great.
You no, but the whole travel, like the spontaneous travel is definitely Gemini energy.
But that's what I wanted from one of my boyfriends.
But what have you had, Jodie, Joe hasn't been your most unique spontaneous date.
I don't know.
I think the bathhouse one is probably It's a unique date I went on that I can think of clearly. None of the other ones were noticeable because I don't even remember.
But yeah, that was That.
Was vibe because you're kind of really just literally stripped down and just no makeup, just raw and like there's no you're not allowed to have your.
Phone, so you really are just dialed in and it's pretty intimate. Yeah, so that was That was good. It was fun.
Yeah, what about you jazzy jazz Jazmine brand I.
Think salsa dancing. This guy was dating.
We were really Yeah, this guy, I was in my twenties. This guy we went, he took me sausa dancing. He was like a regular black dude too. It was fun.
Yeah, he was dance and it was fun.
It's different.
That's something that you would think of normally.
What about I don't know if this really counts as a date, but I met a guy at the airport and we ended up being on the same flight as that was delayed, and we like had lunch while we.
Oh that's cute, as that's exactly it's like leaning into the just kind of like we're here. It's it's literally like the Hallmark movie that people say that they want or like the meet cute. It's like leaning into the moment and just recognizing, like being spontaneous.
So that's exactly what that's cute.
It made it like a fun delay.
Yeah it was. Yeah, and we ended up going out after that.
It didn't really go anywhere, but but that's like creating opportunity, that's exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah, I've got a few good ones. I remember one guy took me horseback riding and to eat on the beach in New Jersey, like on our first date, which was nice because it's not something I would have especially, and they look like a restaurant on the beach and I was like, this is fun, cute, easy, and it was, you know, and then we saying duets the whole way back from the beach in the car.
It was.
That I want to ask, what would make you never go out with somebody again? Like the day was that bad that you were like.
Needing rude to like the servertender.
Rude or too frugal, too frugal, Yeah, like if you were a bad tipper, But how do you know.
Because you can't check the tip right like sometimes you could.
Sometimes I'm just hoping that he was a good tipper, because it's hard.
And sometimes what I like to do if I'm not sure is when they walk away, I throw some cash on the table, just to leave a little extra just in case, because I don't be knowing you don't cover your fass. Yeah, and I also like tip really nice and so I always like to do that just because or I like to say I'll leave the tip. That way I get to see the bill and lead the tip, and then I feel more comfortable. No, I like that.
I like that i'll leave the tip.
I like that I'm not paying for anythingstand that fair fifty.
I'm leaving immediately. I'm not even sitting down.
No, I'm not doing that. I'm actually saying, yeah, I don't fifty fifty. But I might be like, well, I'll leave the tip just because I also like really over tip and so, and I don't know that everyone does that, and I think some people aren't also good at the math. I know a lot of times it'll say it on there, but sometimes people don't be knowing, Like.
You're trying to do that real quick, and it's dark in their teeth and you're trying to right right. Yeah, Yeah, I think anyone who's expecting for first dates, second date. If you're looking if you asked the person out on the date and then you're looking at them to go into their wallet, that's a note for me.
But if you're a woman and you ask the guy out.
I still think he should be trying to.
But I mean, I think you know, you can expect, and I think like, look after like the third day, I think it's and things are going well. I think it's great for her to step up and be like, let me get this one. Let me whether it's pay for the cabs, whether it's pay for the activity.
Because because it goes a long way.
Look, i'm gonna tell you how to get a roster, tell me and I'm gonna tell you how to get it so that every ring that comes your way gets bigger each time.
Oh right, Okay, part of that goes even.
Dudes with a ton of money, Dudes with a ton of money but have self worth are going to be looking for the woman who feels like she wants to step up as a partner. So it doesn't mean they're expecting her to be fifty to fifty, but they are keeping like keeping tally of does she expect me to do everything, and then you get one of two things. The dude with self worth will leave or the dude
who's looking for an imbalance to power will stay. And you don't really want that, so you contributing on date three, even if it's just like the cab fair, Like we know, dinner's gonna cost any more than the cab fair, but it's showing that you're like appreciative, that you aren't looking to solely reliance when else and it just goes so far and like them than wanting to do ten more because in their mind they're like, okay, cool, she's not
looking to just take advantage of me, like she genuinely likes.
I feel like, I don't know if I'm ever going to get to the point where the date thing paying for it. But I'm like no, no, no, yeah, I'm just more of.
A gift giver.
So I show my appreciation if, like on the first date, you mentioned like a book or something like I'll bring you the book, okay, or I've gotten men's like nice ties or things like that, I show gratitude, and I'm like I was born on Christmas, so yes, naturally, but I don't know to me even friends wise, like if I know I have more money than someone and we're out to dinner, like I'm going to take care of it, right, just know, just you don't like, well, I think it's
like a close relationships relationship. I know that reversed biology when earlier let's go ahead, you when you do a little something small so they could do something bigger return.
And I was telling Angela I went on a date at one point with this guy that had a lot of money, and first we went to the movies and I was like, I'm gonna go get his drinks or whatever, because I you know whatever he goes down, and so.
We went to dinner.
We did stuff after that, but he was like saying, like, no girls ever got me drinks before and made him do his caked up and he was like I just I said, well what I said, I was thirsty, Like you know what am I to do? He's like, I was like, what do women do? He's like they wait for me to give him a card or something, and he was like that's never happened to me, like and I was just like, oh, it's.
Like that was a big deal for him.
Obviously he had it and we had dinner, and he spent way more, but it was like a big deal for him because I guess women.
They have a lot of exactly and I get it to a little thing, and I get you have your way of doing things, but be careful letting the way that you been doing things keep you stuck from like advancing to other things, because she's even corroborating.
Like do because that does not happen.
And it may be a dude who's like even as thoughtful as the gift is, I don't need more stuff in my apartment in order or like I don't need more, but you just showing that like in that moment, Oh, I got here a little early. I got us a round of drink, and you close out that tab, like just get the one round to drink and close it out. But just that I'm telling you creates a lifetime, can create a lifetime of investment where they're just like cool.
I do for her.
I want to do for her because I feel like she's not trying to use And.
I also feel like it lets them know you got it too, like like I could take I got.
This, and it takes away that balance of power thing right where it's like I don't have to spend it, but I got it.
Right right, So whatever other red flags for you guys, rudeness, not tipping, what else? I had a guy on a first date. He took me out and we went to a really nice best staurant. But then he wanted to go do karaoke. But he could sing. For real, you don't like that, so it's like peppe, Yeah, well, first karaokees for people who can't sing that it's literally held
a rap song. So look, So he was up there and it was so funny because like we were in Koreatown and so where they have like a bunch of karaoke places, and so people were like watching him perform. I was like, so then he asked me to pick a song, so I made him do thong song because I thought it would just be funny, and he was, for real like she's got pup okay, yeah that way.
So I was like irritated by that. But the thing that I really didn't like was he had a he had like a nice car, and he was so pressed about where he was going to park his car. Like first he parked and then he was like walking around the back of the car, like this car too close to mine. I don't know, I don't want to the car to a bigger spot. And I'll say this is ridiculous. Yeah, because the way I am in my car, I'm like,
it's gonna get sketched up. I mean yeah. That kind of made me feel I was just kind of irritated. And then he sent me a long email like why are you not you know, because I didn't communicate email. But it was only one day.
Okay, your voice.
Was crazy to me be like what did this say?
I can't even read along, Like what did it say?
I'd been like, jasmon, look at this? What did he said? Wow? I had.
I went on a date with a guy.
He was really frugal, which was unattractive, but also he would park his car and places that were legal. He take a ticket out and put it on his.
That's a very New York things.
I didn't like that. And then he was on your own time.
And he went to the super fun super he went to the super cheap gas station.
And it was a turn off to me, like wait, wait, what do you mean? Like you know, okay, I live in d C.
Like you know, like some of the you know, that do you guys have gas stations you can only pay cash. This was like years ago, like like really cheat, he had a nice car. It was just and I was just like, why are you going to this? It was kind of off brand sort of it bothered me. It was a combination. And then also the last thing after that, I was done, like I didn't want to talk anymore.
He kept texting me and then I wouldn't respond, and then he sent me an unsolicited dick pic and I remember I remember it being all these clothes around in the.
Background like clean up. Yeah, it was just it.
Was just a yeah, but it was so like you don't whatt mean more?
Let me show you by dick.
Like feet in the picture as well.
I don't remember.
It's gonna make you be like, okay, I must the work for before I was like, did shave it was?
It was? It was I'm not gonna lie. It was a decent dick.
It was just take some close up. If you have a really bad first date but you like the person, like, let's just say you kind of mess it up, like maybe you got messy, sloppy, drunk, embarrass yourself. Is there a way to recover what advice would you give for that, Devin Simone, Let's just say I was drunk, I threw up, I embarrassed myself, I cursed him out, but I still like him.
I mean, i'd say if he was smart, he probably be like no, and not because you're not amazing, but just this stage of where we are, that.
Is a big red flag. But if you really want to try it would.
Like whatever that other person's communication style is, because it's different for different people. So like you, guys don't like long text, Some people prefer text. Some people like a voice note, some people like a phone call. So meet them wherever they are are, not literally, but you know, send them the kind of communication that they like, and just say, look, I'd love to do over.
I'm not I'm not usually like that one. I don't know.
You can kind of make a joke if you want to, like I heard the moon was purple yesterday and I don't know, like, I am so sorry.
I would love to.
Take it's on brand.
And then and then just be respectful of how long it takes them respond, whether or not they respond.
You know, whatever it is.
And if they don't send a message, fuck you.
Anyone. If they don't respond.
Dding I was wondering, can something survive that? I know somebody that went on a date with somebody New Year's Eve and then got so drunk that she ended up at his house and he's still lived with his mom and she was shiitting and throwing up in the bathroom and it's my I was like, is she okay?
Now?
He was to do that for her? I was like, dances, you messed up?
But why was he living with his mom?
We were younger and maybe like early twenties. It still was kind of like, why are you still it? But you know New York? You know, yeah, yeah, that's New York his mom. I guess she seemed nice if she was, you know, checking on her yeaheah, Okay, you wake up? Like where am I? What happened last night? All right?
Now?
Another thing we want to talk about is what if you meet somebody and or your friend meets somebody they're dating, but that person did go out with you years ago. Let's say it didn't go anywhere, but let's just say me and Jasmine, Right, Jasmine meets somebody, starts dating him, and I'm like, ooh, I did like to him, yeah, three years ago and you know, nothing really happened. Should I tell her?
I mean, that's your close friend. I think you should be honest about it. Yeah, I think that you should tell your close friends.
Would that make you feel weird? Jazzmin, Like, would you be like I can't go up?
Yeah, it would make me feel weird because then.
It kind of feels like I don't want to block what she has going.
But would you rather know or rather know?
But I probably I wouldn't If I knew that, I was like, oh, I don't want to talk to him man like.
Right, but you don't want to like get further down the line.
I rather just forgetting the altar and you see your photo or something.
It was like, well, you.
Know, I also feel like it depends on your relationship with Like if I wouldn't tell her because I don't know, we're no, we're not close, I would I'll tell her.
I wasn't you know what I mean?
If with someone I'm not close with, I would just buy my business.
You know what I mean?
Like m.
But if there wasn't a date and there was just like some flirting in the d MS or him just you know, trying to.
Like he didn't physically ever go out right, Yeah, if it had, if it had stopped, like I just feel it out, I wouldn't necessarily be proactive in sharing that info. But if it ever felt like it was relevant, or if it was like in the last six months, you know, like hella recent versus like two years ago, he slid
in my DMS, like whatever else. I think it was two years ago, saything, unless it explicitly came up somehow, But if it was like, oh, three weeks ago, he had just been like, yeah, three weeks.
Ago, that happened to me, my friend had slept with this guy that I was talking to, but I met him through her.
Okay, wait what happened for or like, what's the timeline of events?
So I actually I never knew Actually, so I think I ever told you. So she never told me when it happened. I don't remember, but I know it happened, and then we met and he was interested, and like, I hung out with him. But then I realized that as more he became more interested that I was like, that bothered me more than it did when we were just meeting, you know what I mean.
So I yeah, I had to cut that off.
Yeah, but she was okay with you dating him.
Yeah she didn't care.
Okay, yeah that happens. I've definitely been like, yeah, you could date to him like years ago. I don't care at all, But I do think I would feel a little weird about it if it was the other way around. I don't want to date somebody.
I don't want to date anybody that my friends left with. Oh yes, it's just I don't care how long ago. I'm like, I'm cool, Like it's enough so I can pick.
A new one likes with MESSI.
Now.
It's also holiday season, and so things are a little different. It feels like if you bring somebody home, you know, during this time, it feels like it's a lot more serious than at any other time. Like if I bring you home March eighth, it's way different than you know, Christmas Eve or something like that. All right, so let's talk about some of that protocol as far as dealing with family dating. When do you bring somebody home? Should
you be offended if someone doesn't invite you? You know, say you're spending the holiday by yourself, you recently started dating somebody and they know you're alone, and they don't invite you. You know, what type of advice would you give for people around this time.
It's not fully a one size fits all, but I would say generally, if you've been dating for less than six months, don't be super in your fields. If they don't invite you, particularly if they're really close to your family, that's good. Now, if y'all been dating for five years and you note that's.
A problem, even bringing somebody else, that's the problem.
So not y'all bring a little junior in this. But if it's been six months or less, then you know it's okay. And if you look kind of go with your gut with it. Just be respectful. If someone does invite you to the family, be respectful. Know your family well, like do you really want to like exposure.
Are y'all at a place.
Now or because it's different per family, right, Like I had gotten to a place where Avenge, I was like, I'm not bringing anyone home any like at this point, I'm from Kansas City. I'm not bringing anyone home unless I've planned to make like, unless I think I can marry them, Like it just got to that point and my family's accepting to anyone. Fortunately, because definitely we dated all types, but that just became sort of my like
my thing. And I do say that it's nice if you're not gonna bring them home, and particularly to the guys. For the women, if you know, for whatever reason she's by herself or going to kind of be with the smaller group, if you want to plan something thoughtful for her.
So maybe you're not ready to bring her home to the family, but maybe you send her flowers on Christmas Eve or just something so that she doesn't feel alone or he doesn't feel because I know you like to give gifts, like just to kind of say, look, I know we're not here and together, but I'm thinking of you.
I think that's special.
Also, dating this type of the holidays, whether you meet family or not, is a really fun time to create your own tradition.
Who knows if you'll be together next year, that doesn't matter.
This kind of leans into that kismet thing that Tiny was talking about, like in the moment, just like especially like in New York. Maybe it's going to look at the windows, or maybe it's a certain restaurant that you liked, and it doesn't have to be a holiday themed restaurant.
It could just be whatever restaurant and maybe that's something you start now and you create a fun memory and then next year, whether you meet family or not, you know whatever you guys said, do you go back to that restaurant and you go back and do that thing. Holidays are really fun for creating your own little right, Like I.
Went sledding one year. That was fun. Yeah, I don't nowhere exactly right.
Been ice skating, I've been ice skating. I've never been Skatingpies of lip service. That's where we need to eat out. We need to find a black own something, slope something.
Now, what if your person you're dating gets you a gift and you don't like it.
Oh, I got this necklace one time, and my best friend knew I was getting, Like I didn't know, but he had like asked her or something, and I think she tried to warn them, but by the time she responded to his message, she'd already purchased it, because.
Like it took a while.
Oh gosh. When I saw it and he put it on my neck, I felt it. I felt like it was burning.
And it was tried. It was burned.
And then I like went in my room and cried or like, and then eventually I did.
I was just like, and what's sad is he got like roped in by the sales because he tried to explain what the two hearts meant, and I was like, that's what they say on the like.
Jewelers, because yeah, yeah.
You're the expert. But I feel like you just got to eat it sometimes just like okay, thank you, thank.
You for me, and just so I used to do that.
She cried.
Though here's the thing, she's dramatic.
It was burning and it was just like, let me take it off once experts that I actually didn't like it because initially, when he gave it, I was like, thank you, it's so sweet.
Blah blah blah.
But if you've been together for a while, we want to and my gift was great, then I got him.
It just hated.
That's to that thought, listeners, because you feel like somebody should know you enough to know what you're gonna like for.
A while, not initially, not yet if it's initially.
But I also think actually, even as uncomfortable, it feels like always be gracious and grateful, but it is actually better to be honest because if you guys do enter into a long term relationship. You're setting that standard and you don't want him to think you like precious moment stalls because he got you one.
Then and then years later he's you're pissed because you got all because you I mean saying with like the names in bed and likeah.
Also, you know, most guys will get comfortable, so they'll be like, oh, she liked this. Be honest, but be gracious and recognize that they tried right. So you're just like, oh, my gosh, I really appreciate this so much.
I know you may not know this.
It's the reason why earlier I mentioned I designed my engagement ring, so getting engaged was a surprise, but the reason I designed it was intentional because because my now husband knows me, and he knew fairly early on that I'm pretty picky about the jewelry that I wear.
Hints the neckle. He wasn't the one who got me the necklace that, but.
Yeah, you know, he knew that story and it just has enough.
So he was like, look, that's gonna be one of the biggest things I ever get.
I want it to be something you love.
He's like, I want to surprise you, but he also knows I like to research things. So he was like, well, what if we did it this way? Would you want to design your own? Like you picked the designer you you know, do whatever, And then he'd get the ring. I wouldn't know when he got it. I wouldn't know when it was done, and then he'd propose in his own way, in his own time, in his own But
that part of that happened. And it's the ring of my dreams and it's one of one and there's little hidden details in it, like it's everything to me and I love it. I named her Betty after Betty White Beau's like saying, you're ready white die. But it's because I was honest from the jump. Whereas when I had been proposed to you before, I didn't like the ring.
How many times you been proposed to him?
Only three?
Okay, did you keep crazy? None of them?
Because that goes back to that showing like it goes back to paying for something on the third date. I was never with you for the money. This spas I also got me. I can take care of me. And then also this is no longer mine because this relationship is in mind like it's not what I want.
So like some of you're proposed to me once and he he would tell me to just keep the ring because I said no right away. He didn't want to die. I don't want it, did you?
I mean, did you keep it?
I don't know where it is at this point, but it was a long time ago, but it was like a surprise.
Yeah.
And I was like, I'll tell you this, and the manager of the restaurant was like, how did it go? He was like not good?
Did you guys break up?
Saying yeah, I never haven't seen him since home.
Were you guys together before?
He Here's the thing, like I I was a lot younger, and I don't even know why he did that. And he told me he said his friend was like, yeah, you should just go for it. Like I was like, why would he tell you that? It was so embarrassing, And then I was like here he was like, no, keep it. I don't even want to see it.
So you didn't even open the box.
Not had it. It was in the middle of the dessert cake. And then it was at a Mexican restaurant and it said what.
Did you say?
So on the first of all, I didn't know what the cake said because I said, well, you marry me and his family it said well no because it was like in script.
And I was like, what's going on in here? And it said would you if marry me? Because I don't know. They just wrote it wrong so many signs I literally know, and so I was like, are you proposing to me? And he was like, oh my god. And it was. And I was embarrassed because we're like at a nice restaurant. And it was funny because when we came in, they were like rose petals on the table, so I was like, wow, they really go out all, you know. It was just like they think it was inside of like a thing.
And then they pulled the top. Yes, and there was a ring in the middle of the.
Later.
No, I couldn't because I was so caught off guard. It wasn't like we had ever talked about this or anything was leading up to it. It just came out of nowhere.
Which is a good key. That is a good no and point proposals being a surprise.
Didn't say yes and then say no, there's a.
Whole bunch of people around.
I would.
I didn't know these people.
That's that's a fact.
And this is before social media, right, social media right now, how was it?
He was like, no, just think if somebody had their just all these people there thoughtful, but like I would say yes, and then I would say no later.
But then that like makes it harder and stickier, and.
Like say no one for all these people, yes, oh my god, and then dip you know, hard it is to change our minds later.
Okay, Like Devin Howard, was I for you did to break off your several.
Cag not only two, only too?
You know?
It was it was hard and the second one that was working off we called off the wedding. Part of it was COVID related, like we the dress, the venue, the saved the dates. Well yeah, yeah, yeah, it was like literally we were supposed to get married the year of like the pandemic, and it had been booked the year before. And so that part was really because it was like people I bought.
Tickets tickets the pandemic.
Well one they waited too late to cancel, but they did take a couple of trips to Egypt and then that's how they got pregnant.
My nephew was born, my little Okay, so it but but yeah, like so that was hard.
How did I look the one that gave the necklace, and I just was like we were kind of dragging our feet and planning. I think it just didn't sit right and and look also low key a lot of prayer, Like just in general, it's like we're humans. We're gonna do things that feel good. Sometimes don't feel good. Sometimes I like to just do a blanket prayer of like save me from the things that aren't meant for me, like let me get all the blessings you have in store for me, and don't let me stand in my
own way. And so it just kind of led to a conversation that I was like and I couldn't get the ring off fast.
It was both times sort of like yeah, no, I was me and the guy I was engaged to. We're planning a destination wedding and we called it oft and some people already bought their tickets and stuff.
Did they get their money? Like, I don't know, she said, I don't know. She's like, not my problem.
I was lovely younger.
I wasn't consider did you get gifts and stuff? Like what happens to the gifts if we have registering at the wedding. Yeah, there's a bridal shower gifts shower.
Yet my aunt did buy us this really nice hand and he actually loved that panting used it all the time. And when we broke up, I took that pant, even though pant and all the spices. I my aunt was like, let him keep the pant, I'll get you another one. I was like, no, it's the principal, and so I just took the pant. I still have never used it, but they don't make it anymore. So I'm glad that, thank you, because I really don't. But I thought there too that because it's good not stick.
Was it the necklace? Guy?
Get engaged in?
Guy?
What did that ring look like?
So that one was smaller and it was round with a simple band, and it wasn't me.
It just wasn't me.
Then the next one was an heirloom and it was emeralds.
It was his grandmother's ring. That was bigger, more me.
And then this one I designed from scratch. It has our initials and Morse code and diamonds hidden in the band, and I picked the designer who I'm now friends with, so it's me.
So yeah, that was okay. You know, they always say, did you get engaged? On a holiday like during okay, because people always say, yeah, it's nothing right birthday.
I think it's fine.
My mother doesn't believe in that, but I think it's perfectly fine. You guys do what's special for the two of you, you know what I mean, Like, I don't think that that's yeah, okay, I think.
It's for legal purposes. I think it's for legal purposes because no, because they do say, like if you give somebody, if you propose on a holiday, they get to keep it because because it's a gift, legally they can keep it.
It's but I look state by state because I know some states regardless, it's considered a gift though on the premise.
Of getting married.
Yeah, and so if you don't get married, like in New York State, you have to give it back like it's yours.
Once you're legally married, it's yours to keep married.
Because I know they said Christmas, Valentine's Day, your birthday, They're like, it was a gift, and so I don't know, so just something.
Yeah.
Now, another thing that people talk about is gift giving at different stages in a relationship. Some people feel like I've heard guys say I don't want to go too big too early, because then the expectations are too high to keep on trying to like keep up, yeah, upstage what you did previously. So, Devin, what are your thoughts as far as you know? Of course, we always want to give thoughtful gifts, but sometimes should we be raining it in earlier on?
I think if you're just leading with thoughtful, I do think it's smart to kind of look at the long term, which is like if I can see myself with this person for five years, Like can I sustain this? Because you don't want to love bomb, which is where you do it all up front and then you're left kind of like there's nothing else I can do. But I think leave it thoughtful. Know that thoughtful doesn't have to be super expensive. It can be, but it doesn't have
to be. And make sure you're not trying to overcompensate, because sometimes the people who come out really hot and strong, particularly guys, they're actually trying to like overcompensate for some other pops wear.
Wearing.
If you're doing it.
Genuinely to see that person happy and like to just have joy, you're not You're not doing it to necessarily flex on everyone else you're literally just trying to put a smile on that other person's face. And I think if you lead with that intenctionality, like you'll be good every time. But that's also why being honest it's important because if they're trying to do that for you and they think you like this because you smiled at it, and you hate it, it's.
Gonna be much harder to rein in over time.
I had a guy give me the same thing three times in the row, and after the third one, I was like, Okay, I don't want this again.
But it was a different like color.
It was different colors, but it was the same gift birthday, just it was the first one was just because the second one was Valentine's but the same thing for my birthday.
I was like, I like this, but.
Please give me a little work creative.
It was those flowers on the box and I'm like, because.
If it was like a different Rolex it in the market. Yeah, And it was like.
They got bigger and they were a different color, but it's like they last forever and I don't want to just throw.
It away from you.
I took it.
I don't think he took it well though, because I never got another gift from him.
That was the end of that. Well, at least you need to get more flowers in the now. Okay, let me ask you this. Let's just say it's Christmas time, and let's say you buy your significant other and amazing gift, but then find out right afterward that they were cheating on you.
That happened to me? Did you do I got him a go pro for Christmas? What's that?
That's the camera?
Yeah, the little cameras and I never saw him again?
Wait wait wait wait yeah, wait, okay, you got him a gift, my gift, and then did you find out he was cheating?
Or like I found out? Maybe?
So my birthday is Christmas, so right, you gotta would give your birthday birthday freaking little cat?
No, please, I'll tell you.
You got him the little thing that he could wear it up here and everything he got me that he got you that like you know what I mean with the little rim and everything, and then he got me like a little like bathroom body works that you buy your your elderly aunt at the you know what I'm talking about?
Want to check out? Right, okay?
Right?
And he was like, okay, great, great, great, and then it was two years and he went out to dinner with someone else and like didn't wish me happy, like whatever, and I was like, what the fuck?
And we broke up over the phone. I never saw it again. A couple. You guys, we were together on and off for like eight years.
Oh my god. Yeah, yeah, you see me right, and even worse if he was posting video from the GoPro like, oh yeah, was the next.
Nerve.
Wow, Listen, that's so funny because I dated a guy and I bought him a camcorder for his birthday and then we broke up soon after. But you know what I did. I didn't tell him. I knew he was cheating. I borrowed it back and then broke up. Oh, I like, I still have and that camp quarder is so old
and I still have it. But if you see on any of my shaky videos from lip service that were in black and white back in the day, I was like, oh, and I strategically smart did not say anything until I said, can I borrow the camera?
See? I would not have had the restraint. But that's good. Yes, I'm a capricorn.
Yeah, I want to say one thing about Angela she can definitely be strategic.
That was I never gave a gift, and that happened. But a dude in college that we were dating, we actually lived together. At that point I found out he was cheating. This is back on AOL and a messenger like and that was a thing. So I figured out a software. This is gonna make me sound crazy, it's fine. I figured out a software thanks to my mother that you can and saw that would track all the messages that were happening.
So I had done that when he was.
Out of town because I suspected something, so he went to work.
I opened the messages, saw.
That he was having conversations when I had been out of town, like basically saying he was single.
But we lived together.
So that night when he was worked at the club again I was in college, but that's your first. I printed them all out. I got super cute, went to the club, told him he led, put him in an envelope, told him I had forgotten something in his car, so I asked to borrow his keys. I went and took his keys like I left the room. I took his house keys off the key ring so he wouldn't be able to get into the house. This gave him his key ring back, pretending that nothing.
There was a lot of keys on it, so he didn't notice when I were handed.
Him the envelope. He opened it there in the club. He freaked out and tried to deny it, but it was like right there.
I left.
I then went home that night, and he tried to get in the house and was sitting in his are crying to let me for me to let him into the house, and you get in the house, you had to go sleep at his parents house.
I'm like, now you can explain to your parents why why.
You're there for what you did.
But we're friends now, it's fine.
You became friends with people still after like like he's he was dumb, but like right, it's like you dropped the ball right, fumbled in for the rest of his life and you really like something satisfyingly evil about still being friends with somebody who wronged you. Yeah, because you're successful in doing well. It's kind of the kay, you know, but like like, hey, how goes it?
Like goes it? So now you know, if Angel ever goes.
Exactly exactly, I'd be like with.
Him, you were both young and dunks. You're in college. I genuinely wish him like I care about him as a human. But yeah, I mean I know that, like.
You were crying, and that he still watches literally.
I'm fabulous, Like I know that, but I wish them alt person.
But also I am quite proud that I held restraint and didn't like I played it cool and like he didn't know until he.
Got home that he wasn't going to.
Be and it's so hard to not burst.
I'll be calling like, oh I can't.
I found out my ex cheated on me on his birthday and he was on his way to my house to come get me. He left his Gmail open on my laptop and I was going to look up like the restaurant we were that I was taking him to and I and I was like, oh, his Gmail just popped up, and I was like should I look? And then I said, God said yeah, because he would have did that. Listen says I'm trying to show you something, and I've seen.
A lot when the sign is fine.
And then even after that, like he was on his way it was his literally his birthday, and I was like, man, do I say something today like it's his birthday? Wonder and then I was like, I tried not to. And then he called me. He was like, all right. I was like, I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it. He was like, what what happened? What's the matter? I was like, I just don't feel good. And then I just sent him all of the messages and and
that was it. That was that, and that was on that, so you know, and now he's listening to Yeah, now he's like, oh my god, I'm telling that story. I've changed. But listen, Devin. I would love for you, and I know you're super busy. I know you have your own show with your own friends. Okay, but we did love having you up here.
Thank you for having you. Guys are amazing and it was fun.
You gave us such great, practical, reasonable information. But I'm so happy to know you're a little crazy too.
Yeah. Do you know my family? You know, look, keep it being a little crazy.
It's a little unpredictab. I think them being a smige scared of you. Okay, I think it's healthy, just this smidge and not like a violent way.
But just that I can't know if she's going to go their way.
I think that's I think I like to keep my husband on his toes. Okay, good, I tell you a stun gun story. That's next time you work too.
No, but no, And I saw you the other night at the Tender Year and Swipe event where you gave us a lot of great statistics and numbers. But you know she's not just giving us practical advice. It's actually research, right, So these are real things. So make sure you check out the Tender Year and Swipe report so you can see everything from the lingo to the cities people moving
places to date to because that one was wrong. I don't know who, but you know, there's not a lot of capricorns, so I can understand why numbers wise that didn't work out in our favor.
Whatever makes them feel. We support support.
You, but I do really appreciate you. I love what you do, and we've worked together years and years and years and years ago in the past, but I know we'll be doing a lot more.
So sure.
I love seeing you in and you guys are all amazing and this podcast is so fun, so yeah, definitely watching a fan.
And Jordan's once some definitely wants to work on like her profile, so.
Yeah, and any potentially men that you want to throw.
Yeah, I'm available. Okay, we teach you the database. Yeah, but you definitely should. We'll look at your we'll look at your profile. You definitely should be on Tinder. And you travel a lot, don't you. You know Tinder has
a passport feature. I'm just saying, and dating in America is not necessarily the same as it is in other countries and cultures, like, so you set that passport feature to be at another country that you're in, which means, from the comfort of your couch, you can be swiping and matching with quts in other areas like in Turkey.
Given show, just give them all And I'm gonna I'm going to get on it.
Yeah, I am going to.
Yeah.
In fact, this would be an amazing experiment for us to kind of track what's going on.
I'm going to do it.
I've never been on a dating I love it ever, I love it and look and just like, I just want to preface it too, because like there's literally millions of people on dating apps, right, like hundreds of millions of people. So just like there are thousands, thousands of restaurants, you're not gonna like them all. And that's okay, but it doesn't mean eating is bad. Right, you don't go, oh, I'm never eating again.
I don't.
Literally you you don't rule.
It out because you know there were a couple bad, so like just go in with that mindset though, but know that they're just like your favorite, Like there's some really good ones and there are still some really good people that have a lot going for them that are.
On and if nothing else, you'll get some great females. And they say Chick fil A is.
The number one, number one. Yet don't go there, Please don't, don't don't go there.
I would be impressed. Okay, all right, all right, well thank you so long. I'm totally kidding.
We already heard the things that made her mad, like a karaoke bar and singing thong song.
Too well, I think like you sing and do karaoke, especially on our first day, that's so whacked. So if we can't sing, then that's perfect.
You don't like people that can sing and do karaoke, period, It doesn't matter for it's the first day, Like why that?
Yeah, she just like it at all.
Go get your deal, you know what I mean. I don't want to be.
Part of that.
Get a deal Tomato, tomato being here and trying to like because it's like trying to show up, you know what I mean.
Go sing on a cruise.
Okay, Angela, all right, wedding singer.
But that's all I have to say. All right, but again, Devin, Devin Samel, make sure you guys follow her great information. Can people contact you too?
Yeah, if you want to be If you want dating tips advice, you can hit me up on IG. You can go to my website devintimone dot com. If you want to be in a free matchmaking database, you can do that too. If you want me to look at your h profile photos and evaluate those if you if I see your.
DM, I'll respond okay, we love that.
Yes, all right.
As lift service, you