Episode 449: F That Cat (Feat. Tahiry Jose & Dnay B)

What's that. It's lip service.

I'm I'm gg maguire, I'm Cella h oh, I'm here, and y'all no, no, it is, but I just thought that, you know.

Yeah, we go around. This is your friend, which is weird. You've never you are that's crazy. And if you first walked in, I'm like, did we have to never? Yeah, that's that's wild.

And the funny part is like, from the very beginning, about twenty thirteen, maybe we're twenty ten, maybe my first like you were one of you were my first interview ever. I remember I was scared to come see you because lip Service, but.

I didn't realize that was your first interview service, but the original like you were the first person you were. We were cool, you were cool with Joe, so I was just like, but I watched, and I'm like.

This is going to be crazy. Hey, it did used to be crazy.

It used to be No, it's so crazy, it's so fun used to be I got in trouble after that interview because we play have that And I remember the very first interview I ever did was lip service.

Yeah me too.

I was a yeah, so yeah, but you know that was the point of lip service. Right was to give women more of a voice. So it was women who will always be seen but not necessarily you know, heard, like we would see you on the stream and everything, but to sit down and do an interview for you to for people to understand like who you were, your personality. We kind of started off with women in magazines and videos and things like that that normally, like guys would look at you but not get to know who you

They think they know, but they have no idea to get everybody.

I got a trouble.

I got in trouble because we played the drinking game and I was way too honest.

I always really honest.

So she was like, drink, if you've never drink, if you ever drink, if you never drank, there's so much stuff.

Get good.

But it is sometimes hard to be honest because people can be very judgmental. But the point of and even like on this podcast. I now remember when we were first starting, it was hard for people to like be honest and want to say things. It makes you be more closed off and people start you judge, yeah, yeah, but then it be the same people that do way worship judging the shit you do, or.

A person underneath like that in his mama's basement just being a troll and who cares?

But you guys, denay and to hear it, y'all have a podcast, yeah, and I love that.

So that is and the story of how y'all even linked up.

It's interesting because it's not like y'all were friends from back in the day or anything.

And on this woman for one year, a year, couple of months.

But I remember running into her page on Exploring and I was like, oh from Harlem.

I was all her page. She's a dancer.

You know, I can't bust two moves if they paid me. So I was like ooh, and I was all in it. And then I hid you up and I said, Greg, I need I need someone I want to I want to have this idea, and he was like, I have a perfect person.

And we met and we closed down the bar.

Of course he was at the restaurant for eight hours, and it was kind of like we like we were just catching up, Like we knew some of the same people, we did some of the same things, we were different in some ways, and so we just connected and it was just perfect.

Yeah.

Literally, like we have the same jacket on, and I walked in like for real, Oh my god, it's kind of it's meant to be, and it's so weird.

I walked in. I was like, so, you're wearing my jacket and she's like, oh, now, nay.

How is it for you being in front of the camera and talking, Like, you know, people know you for your choreography, you're dancing and everything, but it's different to be revealing things about yourself.

Sometimes it's not easy.

So it's very easy for me to talk. I think it's a little bit difficult for people to receive it because they've never heard me speak. But I'm such an open book, like I'm always talking, always, always, always, But I don't know.

In front of them mic like yeah, on camera, camera doing some type of choreography.

So when I watch her, so to me.

Because watching a lot of the people on stage, of course, I wasn't paying attention to Denney, I'm like, okay, and then now my eyes, I'm always looking for Dennay like she's on tour.

I'm like, this is my girl, and so now to me is the opposite.

I'm used to her being an open book, and for the world is like they get to see the other side of her.

So it's pretty interesting.

Yeah, now to hear you, I did know this on the podcast. You said you would going through a breakup. Oh lord, that was that was?

I remember? Okay, continue, it's youre fas true a false true true.

I mean it was it was about we've been filming, so it was it was a couple months ago, almost a year or so. Oh really okay, yeah, but I was. But it was the aftermath of the breakup. Nobody ever tells you or speaks about the person who does the breaking up how much you hurt too, when you don't really want to break up but you have to. So I did the breaking up, and it wasn't like when somebody breaks up with you.

Of course, you go through.

The breakup and you deal with the pain or whatever, but when you're the one who who walks in and says, yo, this is done, you still kind of deal with people don't have cynathy for that person, but nobody but but nobody ever talks about it. Nobody ever talks about go through that whole grief process. Absolutely, and and it's hard sometimes because it's like, I know you're not the one for.

Me, but God, like, I just care about you.

Yeah, I care, and I'm and it's sad that I'm kind of hurting you, not really because I have to look out for me. So I think, for the first time ever, instead of dragging something out, I realized that that person wasn't for me, that chose me, but I was hurting.

It's like, right, I.

Always break up first. If I feel like they break it up, I'm gonna do it first. This might yeah, toxic, but that's that's toxicity. But to me, like I've always done the breaking up. But younger to hear he was different at this big age.

For some reason, this relationship that to me probably didn't even wasn't even.

Supposed to be one taught me the most had it. So when you say it wasn't supposed to be, when.

Haw i't look at them and say yeah, I'll be with you, I was like, boy, bye, boy, please, you ain't tall enough of this ride.

I love that how it.

Happen there, oh, you know, friendship, And I'm being persistent in a world where everybody so has a d D and everybody wants right now and everybody's moving around in circles. He was really let's just say, he was intentional when it came to me, and he had been around me before, he knew me, so he knew exactly you know what I mean. He was he was intentional when it came to like just getting at me, and I.

I felt for that.

You know, I think I want to sit down, like, let me just let me see if it's let me sit down.

I've always felt like a lot of times relationships, a big part of it is timing, like it was you could have the right person, but it's not the right time, or you could have the wrong person, but it's the right time and it still could happen because you're like, I'm in.

The frame of mind where I'm kind of ready to like you said.

And that yeah, and sometimes it ain't even your favorite color and you're like, you know what, maybe I'm color blind, but I'll take it. Let's see if this this is a little different than what I usually go for let's see if this works.

I always like that with my husband. Oh oh, because you have no I've known you. Y'all don't know, but I've known my husband since I was nine.

Oh wow.

It was one of the counselors, like the s y P workers at my summer camp, and I knew he was going to be my man when you were nine. When I was nine. I looked at him. I was we're going to be.

Fast forward the story because we want to make.

We're five years at part, five years apart. But you know, like when you're a kid and you have a crush and always said that's going to be my man in the future, you think yes, So fast forward all these years later, like twenty one, we linked back up and I'm like, no, I don't. I still don't think you're you're the right person, but it's literally the wrong time. Fast forward to twenty nine. I run into him again. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm ready.

For you see that because nine just sounds like a baby and right counselor. And you're fantasizing like that's gonna but it's gonna be crazy that you knew that I manifestation.

I loved him so much. I gave my little brother his name. That's my brother's middle name. It is now my last name.

That area I will know.

Wow, you get like premonitions about things frequently.

Yes, So how long were you guys together before you got married?

The first wedding happened? What was that?

I love her?

Five years in? No, I'm lyon four years in the second one five years in. We had our son. One year in, maybe a couple months in.

So why was your two weddings?

The first one we were supposed to be elopen, but then all my friends crashed, so we ended up having like twenty five people at the first one.

Okay, so they had a.

Destination one.

Yeah, this is a great story.

I love this story.

Right being married, because I think you're the only one here who's married.

She said, what is the challenges you would say about being married?

Well, for me, it's, you know, finding the balance between traveling and working so much and showing up and being the best wife I can. I tell everybody, like, every time I go to work, that's my vacation. I come home, I clock the fucking sorry I clocked in because you gotta cook, you gotta clean.

We have a baby.

We have to find alone time. We have to find time to be friends. He worked at when we were like right before we got married, he was in law school, so we have to find a balance with his schedule.

Like just oh, so he was in law school, so you were kind of supporting.

No, he was still supporting.

I told you about people who I know, like not like so focused on trying to pass the bar that they don't.

Have a job, but just the balance that's really like the most in the communication, like making sure you're constantly checking in because road so much on, Like I'm gone all the time.

Right, Look, that's tough, that's a lot. But it must be nice to come.

It's so and they come to me too. Okay, So we get to travel, we get to see things. We have great time together most of the time.

Do you ever feel guilty, Like I know when Jasmine brand is here, she she has a kid, and sometimes she feels so guilty when she's traveling, right, and like she's like, you know, because my I feel like guys are used to we're used to that in society, Like men travel, they do the thing with the kids.

Yeah, many kids. I don't remember. I don't know me.

I'm really big to be like, all right, these kids needs to be they need to be fed. Yeah, we're gonna be broken homeless, so we're gonna get fed and you're gonna be mad?

Which one? Pick one?

Yeah, I had a little for a little bit. But now that my son is able to communicate his feelings, we have great conversations and FaceTime. My god heras me up, he watches me, rehears I've been good job. Guys doing great. We all sit and tells us stories about his day. The mommy, I've passed it, but I did have a moment.

Like and I feel like that's natural.

Yeah, can if you can imagine now now that you're single to hear are you single?

No?

I haven't. Yeah, since that break up because it taught me so much. I was single and celibate. He long, oh my god, forever almost eleven months. So we broke up and let's say, I don't even remember child.

Oh.

January first, twenty twenty three is when I broke up with him.

The ball dropped and I was like, I'm out of here.

Talk about talk about a resolution for the year, because I knew that I wasn't going to enter my New Year with the ball dropped together and I woke up that morning and I was trying to be nice, although as the ball was dropping, he was beefing with me about me being on my phone because I was trying to get the New Year's kiss on it, and he was like.

Why are you on your phone? I'm like, what do you mean? Kiss me? Like what do we talk? What are we arguing about it?

And I was just like, somebody get him off the club, like you know, one of those. So it got crazy as the ball was dropping it we partied, we argued a little bit. I ignored him a whole lot, got got home together, woke up that morning. Was trying to nurture him, just kind of like because I know I could be a tough cookie. And he had been through a lot too. He had lost his mom, his dad throughout the last four years and best friends, so he was dealing a lot of grief as it was. So

And I packed him up last time your boss dropped. Wow, so was that was done?

So after that I went, I, I you know, I didn't jump into anything.

I didn't jump into anything. I jumped into work. I jumped It just takes some time, like to after a relationship, not all the time. So the celibacy was I'm at this big age. I'm really not.

I don't really just want to share time space in bed with anyone.

I don't.

It's not key key and party and bullshit like I'm really it's everything is intentional. I needed to get my mind together because usually when a woman goes through a breakup, she's very vulnerable, vulnerable, and you think you're running around doing the right thing to numb that pain. But then you wake up on it and you a little bit better and you realize that you just caught a couple

Cup empty and he drained that cup.

So I started filling out my cup. I had moved into a new place. I was fixing my home rather.

Than to a new place. Is so important, and it was.

Unintentional, by the way, but it just so happened during the breakup. Timing was perfect, and so I usually that moving in turns into let me pay the mover, let me pay the clean lady, let me play the organizer, let me let them organize me, let me go get this bag this time around, I shut all that down, and I wanted to be with self right right, and I wanted to I also wasn't a perfect person in that relationship, so I wanted to know what took me down that route, why him?

What I did wrong in that really?

Like, I wanted to really self assess so I wouldn't make those same mistakes.

So I dove in, So what did you feel like you did wrong? A lot?

I feel like I didn't know how to lead with love. I'm like a dictator. I'm so used to being I'm so used to.

Being the provider that I just don't I lead.

And I said, and maybe you don't trust somebody to lead, and I don't know how to just drop everything in your hands and trust you to do. That is a truest thing, though, because I think that women who are powerful, who are so used to doing things for themselves, it's like the highest form of knowing that you care about somebody when you let them handle.

I didn't let him lead.

So I think that speaking life into a man is important as well. I think that automatic. I think I saw him.

As I didn't see him as an equal to begin with, and I treated him that way, and that wasn't fair to him, you know what I mean.

I didn't allow him the space to show me what he can do.

Okay, so he caved in, But he caved in because I was already walking in with that like that that vibe, you know what I mean.

There was a lot of things I could have did different.

I'm not saying that he would have worked out to begin with, right, because a man's a man's a man, and a man can also be like start and be like you gonna calm the fuck down, you know who I am. But I will say that I learned so much and that person that I was in a relationship by no longer ever want to be Okay, But.

There's a reason for everything that we go through things, right, Yes, and whatever what they say doesn't kill us makes this stronger.

Right.

And I learn how to deal with thrief two.

That's another thing, because nobody could teach you that how to deal with other people's pain.

Yes, so I thought I was doing it. I mean, I did the best that I could. But now I look at certain things and I know that I could have been better at some things. So of course I'm just saying I could have did better in certain avenues in that relationship.

Did y'all have that conversation? Are you just?

I did apologize after I okay, somewhere in between that year, I try to like.

Circle busting you with.

And I was like, you know what, maybe maybe not, And I did my apologizing. But it's safe to say when somebody's going through a lot of pain.

You have to sometimes journeys. Some journeys are to be walked along. Yeah, sometimes it's really hard to be in that in.

That situation, especially with grieving, Yeah, because they could just destroy you.

And that was that's that's what was happening. There was no time type of inspo at home. There was nothing happening period and then you're just screaming and losing it for every other second and I'm just over here trying to pick up the pieces.

But they didn't even know how to because I can't relate.

So if you say I feel your pain, no you don't, Okay, so what do I like?

It was just it was.

So it was just a lot that happened in the year that I decided to just throw in the towel.

You know what, I realized, how, what are some ways you know a relationship is over. What are some indications no sex or period or the passion isn't there that you're used to having made facts?

Yeah, yeah, that no sex is really no cooking.

I'm not cooking.

You ain't never been in a relationship with me.

Because you don't cook.

No, I cook if I'm in love, but it's not a requirement, like I'm gonna cook three times afought. We don't never expect me to cook seven days. I'm great at ordering.

Me too, and I'm great at plating it and it looks good. But I could cook.

And when you start, I want to see other niggas for me. Like it's like, if I fuck with you, I'll fuck with you, but I know I don't want to fuck with you.

If I'm trying.

To do, I'll be just messing with you and don't see nobody else. Be like, but then once you see me, I'm like, oh, I don't even like them that much.

That happens.

But the no sex thing, I'm so glad you said that, because that is I feel like one of the first indications is when that kind of stopped for sure, and not saying that everything.

Yeah, I mean, I think I can't think of.

A person who hasn't been through that, you know, because especially when a guy is not really trying to have sex.

With you either.

Well, this is my first time going through the no sex thing. So in this situation, the no sex thing, well I can't say too much because I ain't even made the announcement at home, but the no sex thing, when niggas, they'll still be wanting the fuck. You know what I'm saying for me, Yeah, they don't care about that. They don't be like the arguments from when they He's just sad, I don't want to fuck you definitely don't want me.

Why wouldn't he offended?

I just went through that like I was trying to break my celibacy to somebody. I was like, you chosen come here somebody that you know I have history with, and he's great. So I'm like, if I'm going to break it, yeah, am I ready?

And I prayed to the Jesus before apocalypse? What is it? What's happening not to zombies like this? So I'm like, all right, God, it's coming. The clips is coming.

So, and he was going through his changes and he had just had some ship going on at home and we sit for dinner. He says, Yo, let's go have dinner. In my head, I was like, dinner right, dinner.

I was talking deserved. I was like on the phone, I was like, you want to talk talk about I want to talk.

In so right, because mentally, if I thought about it too much, I wouldn't break the celibacy because I've been going I'm on a street like I'm going straight a year. He invites me to a restaurant.

We sit down and he's talking about how he's working now, he's not drinking, and how he's not dating anybody, how he's not having sex in order.

I was like, screw, I went off? Did that? You were like, well, I gotta go. I don't think so well.

I was like what he was like, but he was going through what I think he was in the beginning of what I had just went through the cleanse. Okay, you know at the time, all the timing was off, but I never got to know from him and I really but I never really picked up the phone and was like, and then I realized, way I was just always available for him, and it's one time that I'm chying that I needed to be choked up and thrown up against the wall and not call the cops on

You're gonna hit that year mark? No, no, no, no, no. I think I'm gonna figure this out. We can't do that.

Well one, my one, My moan thing bad because it's been eleven months.

You see it, right, it's cool that phone would have been playing answer to that. Should we see what he wants?

Don't say nothing crazy, We at work, We're working.

Oh. I was just reading that. Hey, main O, Hi, I just saw in Atlanta. He told you, Yeah, how are you? Hello? What up? Pull up? Go be scandalous. All right, we're going to talk.

About that right now in honor review, in honor of Maino. All right, thanks Mana. We needed that, all right. He really called to tell me how disappointed he was.

I was just reading that.

Song about relationships coming to a pause, right.

You know, the relationships with your homegirls, your besties. Sometimes that could be more heartbreaking than any man when you break up.

Yes, I've been through that. Yeah, so I think that nobody talks about friendship break ups.

So I don't know what it is the older I get, the more I'm feeling and connected, and the more I would hate to lose people. And then I realize I have a betterment issues Like so many losses. You want to keep the people that you love around you.

But sometimes you have to, Like I think that we could be loyal to a fault where you're loyal to the wrong person. And it's like, just because I've known you for X amount of years does not mean that I owe you anything or that you actually if you keep on doing things that are destructed to like our friendship and thinking that it's cool, it's just like being in a relationship, like you can't just treat me any way and do anything and think I must still be here for you.

And sometimes the people that help you when you're going through something are not the people who've been in your circle for a minute.

It's always it might be that person that you just met and it's.

Weird and you're like, yo, but I've been around you for so long a year.

I don't agree with the no new friends things that people be right because new friends are so important, Like some of my friends that I've had for not as long as like my oldest friends are way more like I'm getting face supported Jesus, I'm not going to answer it. Everybody's getting faced like, guys, we're working. Why do people FaceTime with no notice?

I love it?

That's me.

I'm a face time.

I would say, I only care about the notice when you FaceTime if I don't really like you, and that's to a man.

But if I like you, like you, I'm picking.

Up I need a little.

Yeah.

I only complain when I'm like, why isn't it you won't I never just pick up the phone and FaceTime anybody. I tell y'all all do that. I really don't FaceTime people. I barely call anyone.

Text it is the best thing ever I'll be calling. I'm like, because things is so misconstrued. Yeah, sometimes like you feel like yelling at.

You you have the l O L. But a happy face will.

Be like, I'm not beefa so sure I am.

People like what you're trying to say? You be like, oh, nothing, How long have you been married?

We have been married three years.

Now.

Have you gone through periods which your husband of no sex? No?

She said, man, we haven't hit that mark yet. Year eight?

Oh wow, okay, Yeah.

Unless I'm like away and then we be so creative.

Well, I guess every time you come home it's kind of like a little honeymoon on a low or just like recapping and things get serious because you're like going, so it just keeps a spark going. Right now, if they had the monotony of every day to day relationship, that probably would they probably would have hit that mark like I'm tired of you.

I don't know.

We're so excited like we we have for the most part. And he just started drinking.

Just started drinking.

Yeah, he just.

Started doing a lot of things. So everything money, it was just sober, sadly, he has a newborn.

What is he drinking?

Okay, bear with me. He's drinking like sweet red wine.

Think about think about it, Angela. I know you've done the deal before. Yeah, and you stopped drinking for a couple of.

Right, and this is gonna hit you different because you please imagine somebody who never drank drink some sweet wine and he's tipsy.

I got him on that and we just got him to do some margarita.

Ok.

Yeah, you know, come out.

You might get putting it one more time.

One morning, Againe, because you date somebody who doesn't drink.

Yeah, but I just started drinking remember myself, years ago.

And I put it down. You gotta relax, and yeah, I love you. She just start drinking years ago in her straight liquor on the rocks. Chaser, I like that. Who know?

Yeah, no Chaser, no ice, none of it. Anybody who know me. No, I've never drank.

Some people still be like you laying and I can't drinking. Nineteen is too strange. Straight out, I drank a whole bottle.

Okay, I stopped doing that after the last time you drank a bottle.

No, I said I was gonna stop.

I ain't gonna lie.

I probably drank every day this month. It's fun and I.

Feel like I feel like we have to have like yay after that to that.

Okay, So yeah, before this, because Mano just called and he was like, he's very upset about this Young Miami and JT Beef. But I feel like people were kind of seeing that was were speculating. They were speculating, but we didn't know it was going to explode like this. But to be clear, both of them going through a lot.

Yeah you know, wait wait, wait, wait stop, it's okay. The couch I'm with it, I'm with the ships. I love y'all. Y'all can put me anywhere. Tell me what JT is going through because I know what I know what.

Young Miami is going through.

And I've seen how they break up must have happened, because it was a lot happening.

But they did end it and said I love you, I love you more. So it was kind of like, why does it have.

To be online? Though?

Like if I be with the nay, I don't want it to be online.

And that's what I was going to ask you guys, because me and Gigi have been doing this podcast since the beginning.

How long has it been. It'll be ten years in September Jesus.

Yeah, ten years. And we I don't think we've never had an argument. Yeah, we've never had an argument. We never got it. And honestly, there was only one time it wasn't an argument, but there was only one time she had to like low key scold me like, Okay, we're not gonna talk about that, like you did something that you should not have talked about and we're not gonna talk about in what I was like, okay, done, I'll mention it again.

And in ten years.

So that's what communication is the key, Yes, understanding communicated.

I don't understand right communication and I understanding.

So I want to talk about that because you guys are starting something new together and people could be really close, but that like when you start working together. Because we've seen some podcasts for yeah, fall the part going through it. So when you think about that, like, are there some guidelines that you're gonna have, because I also feel like I would hate for the way that I am if I fall out with somebody, I'm not gonna like publicly.

Because now everybody's like, because you're never going.

To win everybody, that's the best advice. Everybody has all the answers.

So when you think about that, because this is still fairly new, right, how many episodes in are you guys.

Now like tomorrow will be number four?

Right or yeah we've been Yeah, you.

Know, so do you have you come up with like some plans because this is kind of like a marriage too, working together just to make sure that, like we got to communicate if something is misunderstood and misconstrued.

We have we have a really good support team. We also have been watching what's been happening around us and before us.

We also really really like each other. We're not saying that we haven't even had disagreements.

Disagreements are fine.

But we've had like we've had we've had a spat and then we regrouped and we apologized and we moved on.

What was this bad about? Uh? Just I think it was it was what I don't even know.

I think the I think our both of our energies were high. It was like the launch day and we were nervous, super It was all nerves. It really was about nothing right, It was nerves and just energy.

We both got loud, and then Greg grabbed Anna and then they had a conversation and then I'm like, we're the nay. And then I was like, you want a shot and then she was like yeah, and we took a shot and we walked in.

You know, it was literally it was literally the energy.

Yeah, it was literally the energy of he's about to walk into like a soul, the beginning of your life. And we were both nervous, okay, but we do have a strong support team. So even after that, we regrouped, we talked about it, and we just assigned hats that, like you know what I mean, would keep us from even having that traction because we are both.

To sit on it, like in other words, let g do what.

She does and me and then they do what we do, and if we have any issues, we come in as a family and we have the buffer in between, so nothing to get misconstrued.

Yeah, and to communicate with each other absolutely, because I also feel like as important as it is like to work together, it's also important to know that when you don't get along, you need to figure out about how do you work through it?

Right? And then you know, we're also getting to know each other.

So I might walk in with my own stuff from outside and not wanted to affect do my job and come in, but my energy is a little different than it was last Monday, and I was hype. So like I remember looking at her one time saying, hey, I'm going through this this, this has got nothing to do with you anybody here. I'm just going through assist. So it's important for me to communicate, like you don't know me,

We're communicating. That's good. See.

I like that because really me and g have gotten along like from the you know, we met through her even before the service, yeah, even before I live service. Me and Teller also mm hm and tell I understand she'd be like Angela, if you don't pick up your God damn right was wrong because I'm the worst, Like I'd be busy doing stuff.

Sometimes I'm not a good friend. Me too. Yeah, I'm gonna be honest.

Me too, and sometimes that, and then I would text some stuff that sound crazy, like we need to do better, like I did today in the group chat, and I was like, I'm not beefing with y'all, but I wish I could say some things.

But I'm driving.

I'm trying to get an angela, and so I'm not a I'm a very much straight to the point that i'd be like, guys, I'm sorry, I'm pretty in pink, give me a second. I didn't have time to communicate that.

Yeah, but I don't look at it like that.

I look at it it's like, you just be busy, you know, sometimes you be needing yourself time to cake and ship like that. So don't take that, ok you know, like's that's from where where you get cake from?

I'm use it now.

Really, it's okay.

You finna be cake. You're gonna manifested. So I don't take it like that. I'd be like, I just be time. Yeah, that's all crazy, that's all great. I'm gonna get my cake cake with all these cakes.

I saw on money of episodes you were talking about like being with your husband, but also knowing that, like you had a wild twenties.

Oh my god. He while I mean like I had a schedule. He was on part of the schedule. That's when I knew I couldn't be with him. I'm like, it's not the right time. He was like my Wednesday Thursday guy, Like I had a Monday, Tuesday was Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I wasn't even sleeping with everybody, but I was just kicking it here, lunch there, let's go to the park, let's walk, let's go color like just color yeah, between them line, I had a wild as I lived a great,

Is there anybody in the world like Monday was competing?

Well, everybody was competing because everybody really wanted me real bad. He wanted me real bad.

But isn't the weekend the best slot? According to.

It's not the best slot because all today south on the weekend.

But that's better. But don't you want to be free with whoever you wind up with.

I want to be I want to be in control. I want to seven day man is the person who wins.

That's the lord and the lords.

And now when you're honest with him, like you know, I'm talking to other guy.

Yeah, everybody, that's good.

I don't know that because I was born, I mean I was born and raised and in a family who was like, if you lose your virginity, he's your husband. Don't lose it. Don't have any kids. We don't fit in here. If you have section gonna you're gonna get cancer.

The more you my mom used to be like, the more you rub on that, the more you're gonna die.

And she had three girls in the house. She was a single mom.

She's like, y'all not coming over here with kids. So I so the dating thing, I was like, is that some white people ship? That's what I really thought, because you always see it in movies, like they're dating. And I used to be like, if I if I get into anything, you can't even use my bathroom because my mom don't want you in the house unless I tell my mom this is it.

She only want to that this is.

It guy, Okay, And you know, I wish she would have told me that.

And my mom knew everybody, everybody was covering for you. My mom is cool. You want to play, you want to play.

I'm playing with nobody. That's so funny because your mom may have no loyalty to none of them.

Like my loyalty is to you. Mom.

You're gonna be ruled to everybody, like he can't lose my bathroom.

I don't see.

But you know what, it's so funny because I think about guys you didd and their moms knew that they were cheating on you, and it.

Was smiling, be like his smile.

You thought you really mattered right and nice to her, and you know all his friends. That's the worst. And a man cheats on.

You and them and everybody knows, and everybody know the chick and she also around and they covered for him.

And no family get beat up, Harry. He just got a cheat just in case. Now, that's my sister says that.

My middle sister says, Lexi says, Lexi says, listen to a sister says, she's like, yo, you need to you need to find you somebody every six months because when the honeymoon stage is over and you want to play with the gold play and I'm like what She's like, let's just we're gonna all cheat.

Oh my, I how to put yourself first.

That's not just worry about all these rules and ship if you ain't married.

See, I feel like I can't do ship and I wouldn't do s. I don't even think about it, like I really be in terms of what caken, Well, you're.

Good right now. I mean I have my man. I don't do nothing. You shouldn't. I don't be doing nothing either though, even when I'm single, Like.

I don't even got the energy to do it, Like I really want the real thing, I really look mm hmm.

I mean everybody do.

But until then, with what we're doing outside.

You ain't doing ship, are you. I'm outside okay right and like I'm minding my business.

I want to be outside with like purpose. It's like partying with a purpose like.

Nonprofits profit profit yeah, outside on getting back inside yeah yeah, yeah, like intentional, like I don't really I don't really care, Like.

I don't care about a lot of things anymore.

Do you think you have sex differently as you get older? Yep, then they tell us, since you said it so fast, I think.

So in tune with what you want, what you need, what you like, you're open to trying more things, like you know what you are, you know your body, what you want, you know how to do stuff. Now you're not like just licking the tip like you're going, I.

Go for my bad.

You know, but you're doing it like, Yeah, it's more passionate, even if you're not really married or whatever, like you want them to want real bad.

I haven't had it chill out before a quarter next get in trouble tonight.

So definitely, I think it's better get better.

Now, Like what are the things that you do to turn it up and make it make it spicy?

I feel like they're so new into their well y'all have been together eight years.

You told me, you told me you want me to tell them to keep it to ourselves.

What I told you were wearing the same jackets. Now you can tell.

It's gonna be wearing different wigs and stuff because you know what I mean, playing like you role play. He was like he wanted a blonde. I became a blonde whoever you need me to be?

She told me. I was like, oh, I think I want a husband.

And.

Yeah, we was.

We was at the hook allowed just me, you and divine and you was like, yeah, you know, because I mean, you know, we be role playing and then y'all got the stories and I was like, pop please popcorn.

She hung up.

Yeah, role playing? So what is he does he role play?

No, he just be there watching the show. You be into it, he be into ITV.

I got the love of woman who could do choreography, who could be like, yeah, gig you know, because then you can do like your your whole thing or your whole little sexy feeling.

I'll be making videos and I'll be editing them. I'd be sending it like a pre pre show tailor.

Yes, come on, is real? You know, show you something I could do misirl video? Yeah, telor you got some videos? Do you know? Tell her doing nineteen forty two?

When that when you have no videos, you better set that trip up and get No, I don't do that because that might make it like I'm kind of stick when people are watching.

That's why I couldn't have a strip. Did you just do that ro Yeah exactly, were taking like everybody watching. So we have a tripod.

We got this kind of like flow with in the bathroom and put the camera phone by like the sink and ship like like.

What I got. This clamp thing you clamp on my videos sounds like somebody.

Else clamp it. And then you just click it right there and just put the.

Phone they got now they got the little suction.

You got.

Yeah it's not that suction, but that's such a you put up in the mirror.

And yeah, I don't know nothing about it.

I don't not making videos. I just put my angle it up.

To hear you are the videos that you that guys have like for sure? I mean I've been, I've been.

I started off at King magazine, right, it was the last cover ever, I believe it was me and we had a double cover from I've done everything from King, Black Men and any urban magazine that you could think of in print that my mom didn't understand.

She be like, why are people stopping me?

And I was on every train station and a little optimals where you could buy magazines.

You got social media, and then you got only fans.

So of course of course you see my cheeks in places that you know what I mean? No, but I said videos like the yeah, like like you and know no face no case, okay, okay, I think there's only one in the faces.

Yeah, that's right. I think there's only one individual my whole life that.

Could ever be like, if anything ever leaks I know from you, I would know exactly, no face, no case.

Okay, so there's stuff, it's just not your face in it. Uh, there's definitely stuff that you send the man. You'd be like and you'll be like you said, it's some chance, but you ain't.

I'm not.

I'm not busting it wide open for no real ninja. But this is one person that I don't know why I feel so free and maybe he just brought that out of me and and you know, and in our situation ship that he might have got some incriminating evidence and it better be in the safe.

That's why you just got.

To do it on your phone, right, Well, you don't have any but sometimes especially when you're when you're dating somebody, you're dating somebody and y'all long distance, Like how do y'all entertain each other? It's not like he can come downstairs and be like, yo, I'm outside, let's go to movies. It's like I have to travel too, So sometimes you gotta keep them entertained on a Monday through Wednesday, but till Friday.

Now, how important is it when you're dating somebody to tell them, like about your past and people you've been with, things you've done, especially when you're Google.

Look at your face. You don't even know how to your Facebee saying everything?

Why she makes.

I don't know how important is it?

Tell everything I've done a book? Okay, that's also it's like a gift and a curse, Like I really tell everything.

Does it ever get brought back up?

Yes? Then they want to talk about it. They want to dig deep. It's not that deep.

That's why it's not that you don't.

Even like he just want to know what might affect the other than that. Yeah, because I feel like guys don't want to know. No, I've had meant to be down and say so like weird stuff, like so tell me what you did with him, and you're like, oh, you're more details.

See if I was with a guy and he did that, I would feel weird. It's weird. I don't think he's for me. He's weird.

If he was like asking me, like grilling me about something. You know what I'm saying, it's one thing and they're like, as you use yeah, you know that's it. But like grilling you like. I think that's a lot. It's weird because I wouldn't do that.

It depends on a gay too, Like for me, it depends on like, say, contest the number one. I'm gonna tell you whatever I think I want you to know. It might not even be real. I'll tell you some shit and you just be like, oh the whole time, I'm just making some shit up. If it's later, I don't because this is what I do.

Not doing it for a minute, so you know.

But and it ain't that often. It ain't like every week I'm just making up. But I don't think you should just go in just telling every single thing.

You know what I'm saying, right, Yeah, I feel like because also I think about if things don't work out now that now you everything, yeah, and that can be weaponized against you.

That I feel the same way.

I feel like it depends on what place that person holds in your life. It depends on how you feel about the person too. And I think when you allow a man to speak, he'll tell you so much about himself and how he feels about.

Women in general.

So I've been on dates where he starts just dragging people.

I'm like, I can't be honest with right.

Yeah, I'm also in my mid forties, so like, I've been through some stuff, right, But I've also been in relationships where I want him. I want to be naked and not like I am to the world. I want to be like fully, like vulnerable in front of this person.

Yeah.

So so that comes with that person being your person. Other than that, I'm really big on how long are you going to be around and why should you be another person with my because anybody could say anything about me. Once I out of my mouth, the horse's mouth, say something, then that makes it official. And I don't need you to have AMMO to shoot.

Me, try to use against me.

Right, So I so if I care about you, my job is to protect you.

Other than that, then it is what it is. Yeah, Because also think guys could be insecure.

And if they know, like, oh you talk to this person or this person did that it could make them.

Feel really like, yeah, it.

Could be unnecessarily like giving somebody some things where they're like thinking about it intimidated. Yeah, but that's their problem. I learned a long time ago by telling something. And it was the same way you said, like, I wouldn't want I would want you to know for me, I would want and want somebody else to tell you, or you'd be blindsided by finding out, you know, from a different source that I had some with this person.

But no, it depends on a person. It was Angela exactly what I'm talking about it. But yes, I heard about that for years.

But here's the thing though, But then that goes to show you like I can sleep at night good because I'm trying to be real with you and if you can and if you can't handle it, and I'm not the person for.

You, yeah, yeah, listen now listen I loven hip hop. It's been streaming again.

Yes, I saw, Yes, I didn't.

I didn't realize until I was getting text messages and I walked into so Far and my person there was like like.

I love you, and I was like, yeah, I come see you all.

He was like no, You're so good, and I was like, what's happening and she was like your story and I was like, oh snap. And then my mom sent me a text message like your face is on Netflix and I was like, great, we.

Don't get paid for it. That's another thing too.

Imagine that right now, this is like syndication on streaming services.

You got paid for it back then.

Contractually we signed that contract, So I'm not at this point I think cry over spilled milk. I could just look at it in a positive light, which is what I'm trying to do now at the big age, I look at everything and find a silver lining. Am I happy that I signed the contract and that I feel like we've been exploited and then we did so much on TV and that we didn't really we signed the contract. So it is what it is. It was a platform.

Yeah, and there's streaming services weren't around back then.

At all, and the kids now and I'm talking about the young kids, not the kids that be on my dms because they watched me with their mamas.

I'm talking about the young kids right now.

I could watch and like they get to see a chance, like they get to see why. Like kids be like my mom loves you, but don't understand.

Why, but not thinking why do you watch Stash show now?

Like I haven't. But I'm not saying I'm not. I just haven't been.

I haven't watched it. I did see that there were only there was a season.

The season is on.

I'm not on there yet, but my picture promoted for some reason, myself and Joey's I didn't see. I saw like season, like the first couple of seasons and we come on a three or four or something like that.

Either way, would I watch, Yes, I probably would.

One day that I'm having drinks and I want to watch myself cry and cry with myself.

Is weird because I can feel that pain.

They had some moment. I don't lave proposal. That's like a forever you know.

The funny thing about the proposal is that when they say top things that happened on Reality TV, I would think that we would make the top ten, and we don't and people.

Might have forgot about it. It was one of the biggest things ever.

I mean it was wild back then, but I was like, I get ready. Yeah, it was like kind of in the early early like reality TV. I don't know, because you guys, like even with streaming and everything, what was that streaming service that you were on first before?

Was it? Ut? We were on U stream that you too? Yeah, before everybody it was.

And I used to do U stream for my show all the time, and it was.

U stream was almost twenty years ago.

It was Soldier and then Joe it was us yeah you yeah, it was a few of us on there.

Using that ship. Boy.

People was getting mad because I you seen people with even comments while things were happening. I remember I was doing an interview and somebody walked out of the interview because people were talking crazy about him on the U stream and I didn't know what happened. Like I was interviewing him, I had the U stream up. All of a sudden, he was reading.

He just got up and left, and I was like, wow, I mean, I wonder how that person's doing now with all that's happening in front of our faces, because I feel like we get bullied regardless, like anytime you put something up you recomments, you might want to die.

You know what, how was that for you now, Tony?

Because I know that from coming from behind the scenes almost to now to.

People like you are you're at your I do I read all the comments?

Don't do it. I don't tell you right now, don't don't.

They've been great?

Don't you think you are so kind? Oh yeah, right now, so nice for now until they disagree with it.

Until they disagree and I haven't gotten.

They're like all this, they were sous. I used to read all of us. I don't. I'm not reading. Yeah, yeah, you don't read. I used to write.

You said that I read them to.

I tell you not to. I don't. I'll be trying.

I don't read a few the other day and I was like, let's get into it, and then I called you like girl group and he was like, you're always like, let's do a live.

But then I remember, doesn't really matter. I read it.

I read comments, and I mean, I don't be giving fuck. Sometimes I might like how y'all was saying, don't go back and forth. I probably will go back and forth, maybe like one out of twenty okay, depending on what will say it.

Yeah, you know, but.

And sometimes I think you also have to respond to the positive comments.

Sure, just the.

Bad ones, but it's actually really nice when you show love to people who are showing because like, read those through and somebody, one person said, you'd be like what, I.

Had a fantom like period, disregard them, like talk to us, we you And I was like, yeah, you're right, you're right, but we get caught up, especially when you wake up on the other side of the bed and you read some ship that you're.

Like, did you just call me your what? Now?

Listen now reality TV? You also did was it couples therapy?

Yes? I did.

Okay, So now looking back on that and looking at it from this space in today, what do you think Because there was a lot of people on both sides, right.

I want to say that I think it was very miss It was very misinterpret And also the edits are like amazing because what was happening behind the scenes, you guys, like the world gets to see about seconds of what happened, but we're taping from seven am to twelve am, and it's going to have no phones, and yes, and then I don't know that that situation was crazy because every time I spoke up, I was speaking up or defending myself because there was stuff happening behind the scenes, so I.

Would just saying it was.

The reason why I think the podcast was so important is because there was a space for people to get to know me, me me, not what other people get to edit edited version. Another thing is that Bado and I went into that show as a friendship, like a friendship who he was trying to take this relationship to another level because he was interested and I wasn't sure if he kind of was ready for a woman like me.

And that's how we walked in on that show, and everybody.

Thought, because it's called a couple's therapy, everybody in here as a couple.

We weren't a couple.

We were trying to figure out could if we'd be a couple because at this point, after all these years, are you on my back and I'm just your friend, Let's see if we could take it there, you know what I mean. So there was a lot of you know what I mean, a lot of things that really weren't how people took it.

But it's for everybody's interpretation. I guess what did you learn from that?

Because you know, the whole point of the show is it is supposed to help you, oh a lot in your life in general.

So do you think that it was helpful for you?

Yes, because it's an actual program that they run with actual real judge and a real therapist. It's a real thing. It's a program for real. I learned a lot about me as a whole. It was so long ago, but it was really it was. It was I went through all the emotions.

I locked in.

I didn't speak to anybody on the outside, So yeah, it was it was everything about my traumas, about my domestic violent situation. I was taken back by why he would react a certain way, although I did throw the apples, so I'm not you know, I'm not fond of that moment.

Uh.

So I did learn that I had some things to deal with that if I don't address my traumas, my traumas will address me, right, And they were addressing me in front of the world, right, that's you know what I mean. So it is tough, but I've chosen to do so. Yeah, and so I learned so much by.

Sometimes I don't know how hard it's going to be till you do it. Yeah.

I watched my pain on National TV that had not much to do with everybody else but just me, So it was I mean, I can't wait to find another boyfriend to go in that house again.

Different, I'm different. Now we're going I'm not throwing apples.

But yeah, didn't they Could you see yourself doing something like that?

Yeah, because my husband's in therapy. I'm in therapy. We tried relationship counts therapy or whatever a couple of years ago.

But yeah, what made you guys decide to do that?

Because we were having like disagreements, like having we had a little moment where it was like we just were not getting along. Like he has this cat, so sick of the cat, Like the cat is our biggest, biggest problem, and I'm like, we can get.

A new cat.

The cat is a cat he shared with his ex.

I can't. That's how.

I didn't ask to be with the cat. I won't be with you. And if we all have to live in this house and the cat, you can contribute to the rent.

With the cat. Why did you say the cat can't come?

I did, And at the time he was co parenting the cat. So that's also why we have such a huge issue and like we need to go get a third opinion on like, let's as he has the cat full time. Now, that was the compromise. You can't call parent the cat anymore. You have to keep the cat.

So the cat doesn't like you.

The cat doesn't like me. The cat is jealous of my son. So that was our biggest issue.

Your cats are a little bit.

Because baby like, because they're warm, so we'll come in. Sometimes he's cuddled up with my.

Son and we're not doing that.

He's wiping feet from under the couch. I'm like, bro, this cat gotta go. So we went to therapy for about the cat to help us. So I opened to all situations DK kkt Okay that's.

DK. So yeah, okay, that's so interesting.

Whatever the therapist thinks he should get rid of the cat. Really, yes, did you pay him on another table?

No?

In this lady, I did not like this therapist.

I don't like nobody.

He chose the therapist him choose. Okay, except where we going, who's doing it, who's leading the conversation?

Now, like you said, you let him choose?

No, Now you know what the next question is do y'all ever venture to add people to your relationship.

He's not into that, but you would be, okay, Yeah, I would be, and I've asked, I've offered. He's like, no, you're all I need baby that sweetie.

Okay, sweets.

I don't quite often hear that side.

He's not into it. You don't like the fact that I'm attracted to women.

You don't.

He's like, no, I don't need none of that. I don't want to explore that with you. It's just me and you to the will's fall off, and you're okay with that. I'm all right, cool because I don't really need nobody either. We have a blast. I make sure we have a blast to Harry.

Are you open to that? Huh? I am not saying no.

I am gonna say he's getta hot, it's getting hotter here. No, Nelly, I'm gonna say that. I'm never gonna say no, because because certain people bring out.

Some parts, some different things about you. Like I've been with a person I'm like, oh my god, what are you doing. I'm not ready for this?

And I've been with somebody with I'm like over here like a cougar. With these cows. So I'm not gonna say that, right, I'm not going to say that I never,

I've heard that.

So I don't really play around like that. But if I was to ever, I'm not going to say never. If even if it's not my husband, if I really f like, fuck with somebody and we tight like that and we out on the island, we all dressed in white, I might just consider some things we're dressed.

And weex. It goes and we're just in white and Angelina Jolie looking.

At us books by and I'm like, why maybe I might. I don't know, and you gotta pick. That's the whole thing. But I would like to have his input, like because I'm not into women, okay, but I could be.

I guess. Yeah. Twenty twenty four yeah, Mom, don't believe us. Okay, it is who you guys are kind of opposites. Yeah, but it works. Yeah, but it works. I love it. Yeah.

Well listen, I appreciate y'all both so much for coming do. I cannot believe at this big age this is your first time.

I know, you know this is horrible. I feel like we have to do better as friends. Definitely, Yeah, we do that.

You know, we were just saying this, like I don't really be outside like that, and clearly neither do you.

Not. No more you be in Jersey, though.

I feel like I don't even be outside outside unless I'm getting paid to be outside.

Yeah, it's like the same thing. We don't really Yes, New York night life make the same as it.

You even think there is? There isn't. It doesn't cop You know what.

We like lounges and likes and jazz, and I like comedy clubs.

Now, yeah, well you have always been into.

We love a good comedy club, all right, so we can do fun things like that. I like to be home, like around midnight, me too. You know that's a good time for me.

Now.

You know what I was trying to figure out, is it that the clubs aren't anymore?

Or is it that I'm not lit New York specifically? Is the clubs right?

Because I'm like, we used to have so many places to go to and I don't know if this is still going on, and I just don't know there are some clubs going on. This happen, Yeah, there's just but it's not the same. Is it not like it was? Or am I not like I was?

I don't know because I could say it's not like it was, and it's not you because back then we used to have certain places where not everybody can get in.

That's true, where you like the Who's Who. We had the Greenhouse. We had a certain places Greenhouse days. So I don't know if it's just that.

We're not it.

But I just saw a photographer the other day. He was like, remember me from Greenhouse. I was like, oh my god, that's.

We ended up in one or we have there's so many other places club Hollywood back in the day, like there were so many places.

Now they might be so re sponsored.

We don't know about, right, but I'd have been out in New York and I'm just looking around.

Like they don't have listen anymore. Everybody could go everywhere that New York.

Let us know in the comments and let us if we're not we want to be. I want to be lit tell I'm gonna take you out. I have the option.

Let's go see Chicago still lie.

I went the last day that I was in the breakfast club. I left after work and went to Chicago and ended up being out till like five in the morning.

We had a turn Tella.

You left a little early because you had to go do something. I ended up Oh yeah, Oh, we left the same time and.

I had to fight, had a fight.

I A I fell asleep. He had my location on because other than that, I won't even woke up.

That's now.

I was so drunk that night. I was celebrating for I went to Chicago and celebrate.

You're go out because I'm coming.

I'm not looking badge, you heard me, Dominican page, hold his badge till I get like.

This all right outside. I love to see it all right.

Well anyway, well, thank y'all so much for coming through, And make sure you guys tune into at this big AGEI has some really fun conversations. Y'll have different points of view, but you expressed it both so well, So sometimes I agree with her, but I kind of agree

Yeah, thank you for hanging us.

Oh my god, just look at you hutting your jacket off.

It's lift service. Thank you. M