Episode 420: Coach My Life, Please Pt. 1 (Feat. Chris GQ Perry)

What APPX lip Service.

I'm Angela Yee, I'm Gigi Maguire, I'm Stephanie Santiago, I'm.

Laura Moa and it's Chris CQ Perry.

Okay. First of all, Chris GQ Perry, I've been following you for quite a while and usually in the morning, I guess because I always look at what you have to say about relationships. It pops up on my timeline, like the first thing I opened on Instagram. It'll be like one of your posts. You know, always right away that positivity you need. It's like a daily information.

Right So, Chris, let's talk about who you are, because you are a relationship coach, you're a best selling author, and you have your own show. So just give people a little bit of a background.

Yep. So my book twenty four Reasons You Are Good Enough was pretty much just an idea of who I am and just talking about things that I've gone through to make me the person that I am, and that trickles into my relationship stuff because I feel like it's very important to love yourself before you can love anybody else. And that's what my book means to me and to the people that read it. I hope they feel the same, and then I, Yeah, I'm just a small town boy

You think that is this generation? Like it's a newer phenomenon, because okay, and why do you think that is?

Why do I think that is?

Yeah, Like, why do you think that's happening in this generation?

I honestly think it starts in the home. I don't think the man's in the home enough. We don't have enough, especially in the black community. The father's not in the house to build that structure. You see, A woman can can raise a boy, but if he doesn't see what he needs to do and what and what he ed A man has to do to love his mom correctly and what a man's role is he's not going to know. His mom can tell until he's blue in the face. This is what you're supposed to do. This is how

Mom instead of how I feel about the man on the East Coast at least.

But I don't feel like that about all men.

Not all men.

Even women take on the role of being nurturing too, because sometimes as women, like we maybe cater too much.

Yes, I agree with that.

I feel like women that I first go to when I'm with a man, my nursing side, like I want to take care of everything.

Are you okay? Are you hungry? Maybe?

She like we been on the back where Yeah, I feel.

Like I'm definitely I'm a mother and I've been a mother since sixteen.

She has two sons.

I have a twenty two year old and I have a twelve year old, so like that's just something organic and that's just my personality. Like I'm like that with my friends, I'm like that with my family. I'm like that with people they don't even like me, Like that's just something in me. And I feel like sometimes when I do that, people think I don't love myself, you know, But I love you, So therefore I love myself and I give what I want. I feel like, if I

Has to be reciprocated. I'm not going to sit here. I'm not sitting here bashing all men. There are good men out there, but I just feel like there's not enough, okay, and the men set the tone in relationships. We can sit here, women can sit here and say all day this is I want to nurse, nurture my man. I want to be there for my man. But how exhausting does it get? If the man is leading, yeah and being and setting the tone of the relationship, it works. If the woman has to set it.

If he's doing that for you too, then it works, right, He's you think we give up too easily nowadays too.

Oh my god, one hundred percent. Social media has made that. It's so there's so many fishency right with social media. Like you see somebody that's beautiful and you just want to go grab them because you can get him. You have that option to just jump in their inbox.

Well, listen, because you are a relationship coach, we are definitely going to take advantage of the fact that you're here because everybody has different situations going on. So I know, we all came up with things that are going on in our lives that we're going to share today just to get to your perspective, you know, as an expert in this scenario. And by the way, you got to check it out because he also just recently sat down with Tia Murray. So that was a great conversation that you had.

If you guys, she's a good woman. She did me a favor. She didn't have to do what she did.

Right, Yeah, but it seemed like she very much wanted to do it too. Because sometimes it's having those conversations and hopefully what we talk about today helps other people who might be going through something similar. It can spark something. And you say, Laura, let's start with you, hey, because we talked about what all of our situations are right now, so that we could you know, share with you.

I'm coaching through.

And you can send us in boys.

So basically, all right, I met some one amazing person, but he's in the process of a divorce. They're legally separated at the moment, and we've been dating for about six months now and everything is great, except that that's not fully taking care of it, and it kind of like it's it's it's it's calls and problems as far as like the time. You know, he has two girls, so it's like he has to spend time with the girls. And then you know, his significant his wife because she's

She's listening right, and she's yeah, she definitely is talking about at this moment.

Yeah, she's she definitely she doesn't want to divorce.

Some At first, I was a little.

I held back, Like I took a while before I could really fully put my guard zones and really going because I'm not I haven't dated a man going through a divorce, and I didn't know if I should even do that because, like you said, like in this generation, there is.

Not a lot of values and morales.

So I was still feeling bad because it's like, yeah, you're legally separated, but you're still legally married until the divorce, and she just won't sign the divorce, so it's like how long are we going to go with this? But now he's dealing with that, But then he's dealing with work issues, and it's like the time like that, I feel like the things that I want and I need from him, I'm being over understanding and at the same time compromising.

So you're accommodating him. And she's also not letting him see his kids the way that he went right.

Yeah, we've been dating for six months.

Six months, Yes, And it was easy at first until she find out.

Who I was m So is he trying to get the divorce? Is he putting the effort in?

Yes?

And and I you know, I always still had my doubts because I don't put past, let them past, no men right now. So I always had my doubts until she called my phone. She called my phone and she tried to act like she was his sister, and then I was like, that's not his sister.

I was like, yeah, you're not his sister.

She was like, well, I'm just trying to see where he's at, because he told me he moved in with you, so you know, his daughter need him so and I was like, you're so stupid. You just proved to me that, Okay, he's not lying about where you guys are at and you're divorce, you know, So that let me know that he wasn't lying for real.

And I made her communication to right.

So I try.

I trust him and I believe him, but he's now overwhelmed with that, and then he has a lot of projects and business things going on, and then he's in between because he left the house, you know, so he's not where he wants to be and he feels that it's too much for me. But I'm like, I knew what I was getting into, and I already decided to be understanding of that because I see who you are as a person, and we're Greek together, So you're doing

But it's not like he's not trying. He's doing everything he can as a man too, trying to make this happen.

Like he's exactly to be with you, exactly.

Be different if he was just stagnant and just like giving you the run around and not being on right.

But he's trying, but he feels like he's feeling.

So he doesn't want to fail me and he doesn't want me to hurt, so he rather us just for the meantime.

So I'm like, I.

Don't know if I could just sit here and wait, I don't I may meet somebody else, Like what do I do?

Yeah? Because how long is this gonna take?

Exactly, especially you don't want to sign it and it's so early on to be going through this exact Like he doesn't want to where we're at right now, it's like, no, he wants to, but he's trying to safeguard my feelings and my emotions and from me be grateful for him.

Yeah, so he's being really thoughtful.

So you guys aren't talking anymore. No, we're still peing each other.

Yeah, we're still conversating, but it's that like he's leaving he he's leaving it in my court. But at the same time he he don't want to cause pain.

Right, he doesn't know.

It's interesting because I feel like we're also at a point where some people's relationships are coming to an end. Like we see there was a period where everyone's getting married. Now there's a lot of people getting divorced because it does happen, but they're not divorced yet. And some people will tell you, well, oh, that person is still legally married, but you can see they're separated and he's working on moving on it. But he does have kids, and he does have responses and was.

Sounding like everything was the goal because he told her that he moved in with.

You, like, but then he started having business problems, so it ended up like he's just very overwhelmed.

Yeah, and the relationship is suffering because of it. I mean, it's always going to feel like he doesn't me to her.

So what I keep telling him is, like I said, I I knew what I was getting into, so I want to be there for you.

I want to support you through this.

I want to help you builds and I know everything feels like the world is coming down on you, but you're going to get through it. Because I went through not a divorce, but you know when me and my youngest son dad, like I went through hell like it was and that's what she It kind of takes me back to what I went through when I decided to leave my son's dad because I didn't see it going anywhere and I didn't want to stay with a man

And then you deciding that you wanted to be with a man that was going through a divorce. I mean it takes time and if you know what you want, you know you want to be with him, you kind of got to go through that storm with him.

And I'm willing to, but it doesn't want to hurt me.

But why where is this hurt thing coming from?

Though? Like because he do so if it's it's not The marriage is work, you know.

And then what he kind of explained to me just yesterday, the day before yesterday, when we finally had a conversation, he was like, you know, I feel like I'm so overwhelmed. I'm lashing out at people because I'm just so upset. And every time we speak, I know you hurt and I'm lashing out in you and I don't want to do that.

So you need to get his shit together.

Yeah, and the need some time on his own for a little while, That's.

What he's saying.

I went back to like one of my exes a couple months ago, right, and he was just hanging around me going through a divorce, and it was so stressful.

I couldn't deal with it.

It is, so you know, I understand like what the annoyance like it would bother.

You, because sometimes people feel like, let me get over her by getting under you, right, say right. Sometimes people jump from one situation to another, but they're not completely ready. I don't know, Like it feels like he has so much going on that he needs to focus on himself. Because at a time, certain times in your life, you do have to be kind of selfish.

I would think, as you're going through having career issues for wanting to deal with that person, because I really like it.

He hasn't figured out his co parenting situation.

Exactly that situation.

I'm sorry both of his children with her, yeah, and how old are they and they're girls.

I don't want to say the ages.

So you can decide if you want to ride through the storm with him, if you want to take a step back to the biggest he wants to do.

I'm willing to ride the storm with him, but I feel like he's not the he's not where he wants to be at, and he feels that he's not the man that I deserve. But I tell him, you can't tell me what I want and what I needed. I know what it is. But I do respect him and I do respect that. At first, I was frustrated because I was like, come on, now, all this time, it's been six months, we're good, But and and and again, I'm like, I'm telling him, I'm like, you feel like

You know? But it gets better. She's gonna get she's hurt.

No matter what she cheated on you, whatever it was that she did, it doesn't matter.

She probably don't even want you.

But if you don't exactly, I'm like, but eventually, as when you get over it, like it seems right now like it's terrible.

So I just decide.

I was like, you know what, I'm not going to force anything. I'm gonna just let it go. But I can't promise that I'm gonna be here when you feel like the dust settle and you're ready to do girls, So what's your question?

And you come first, right, So you have to sit down with yourself and decide what do I want for me? Where do I want to be? Am I getting enough out of this relationship? And if the answer is no, then you might have to step back and give him his time. But if you guys are in a good place and you guys are communicating and he feels like he can get through this with you.

Then that's the part that has me like, I don't have to be.

Very open with that communication and very honest. You can't just like we'll see what happens tomorrow. No, you need you guys need to have these conversations daily and make sure you guys are on the same page and communicating with one another, because it's so easy to not talk about things and just things kind of fall in the place where they do it.

And that's never good.

And that's what I was doing.

Like it was a lot of things, like we're the time, you know, because I'm super busy, like Angela ye has me hella busy. Okay, so he Busy's good, amazing, so but but you.

Know you're not busy. That's when you be stalking people.

So it's like I tell him, it's not like I'm not busy. I'm super busy. So I understand the time. But we still have to make time, right, And that's the part that I you know, I would stay quiet, you know sometimes, like I was three four days without seeing each other, and even though it bothers me, I don't want to be another burden. I don't want to nag. I don't want to put more on him, so I stay quiet. So then when he do come around, and we see each other. I'm happy, I'm receptive, but I'm not.

Everything's on his time and on what exactly that that's what I have. That's a hard time. Yeah, the balance is off. That's to balance that out. But the question is is he able with all of the overwhelming and the busyness and this and that happening, is he able to be able to create their balance for the relations And.

She can't give you, like some of the things that you need, and he's going days without talking to you, then you're gonna have to question if that's what you want.

You got to hand your handself.

Before anything, like do you are you willing to go five days without talking to him for a whole year and making this a consistent thing, or do you want more? And if you want more, you might have to fall back and give him a space and find it somewhere else, or decide what you want to do for you first before anything. Remember you come first, your happiness.

Chris, Let me ask you this while she's in the midst of this, is it okay for her? Like all right, let's just say now you're like, you know, get your shit together, let me fall back do this, But she's dating other Let's just say she starts dating other.

People down that work, right? Yeah?

Does he have the right then, because sometimes you feel like, well, I don't want to do that because then he won't really take me seriously if I start dating other people but we're not in a relationship. He said this, X, Y, and Z. Do you think you should make an effort to date other people or is it better to just kind of, like, you know, wait it out and see if the person who I really want, if he figures it out.

That's where you have to decide. Because if you decide that you don't, you have to communicate that with him and then kind of just enjoy you can date because once you communicate I'm not ready for this right now, I don't think you are. I'm going to take a step back and I'm going to date. I'm gonna enjoy my life. He has no right to tell you, oh, you can't do that.

Yeah, it's so crazy.

Got answered that because literally, somebody just out of the blue, I would have So I was invited out two weeks ago somewhere. Normally I wouldn't go because I'll be at homewait and well, I don't know maybe he'll be able to make time, like you know, I wouldn't do anything like I'm like, oh, maybe he has time today, but this time, since it's been like that and he said what he said, my friend's like, yo, let's go. We

You're not in a relationship, just just keep that honest, open communication even though you're still healthy. Changed. Yeah, you need to be You need to be honest with what you're doing with hi man, because if you what if you're out and he sees you, what if you get in a situation? What if he knows you're talking to somebody. I think it's very important.

You can tell him.

I feel like you don't have to, though, because I also feel like, you know, if you see me out, it's like, dude, we're not in a relationship.

A man. If I feel like I'm in I'm dating you and we're talking and then I'm just chilling out when I see you with another woman.

But we're not in a relationship another man, if we're not in a relationship, wouldn't you think like she and.

I said, if she's if she's communicating that like we're not in a relationship, but if she ain't saying nothing.

And then because it.

Was the start of a relationship, but but has it been didnt have y'all had that? We are now committed to each other? Conversation?

Yeah, up under and all sudden that's changed for the past like month, like the past month and a half.

Okay, so now maybe you shouldn't tell him that you met somebody.

But this is when you have the conversation of Okay, if I do, I'm gonna.

Yeah, I'm the first liar in the world.

Let me ask you that.

As hard as it might be, or if it does ruin that relationship, you have to be honest and he has to be able to trust you, whether he likes it or not. And you don't want to put yourself in any situations. So if you decide that you want to go out with somebody else, you have to let him know. Listen, I know that we're going through whatever we're going through. I'm gonna fall back and I'm gonna date other people. You have to be honest.

I'm gonna still support you, but I'm gonna be over here. Yeah, yeah, that figuring my life.

Or when you lose a woman's trust you, it's very hard to get that back.

All right, figure your ship out, and I'm gonna figure mine out.

Now, Jji, let's get to yours, because you have.

What y'all looking y'all looking over there like I ain't saying nothing, but you.

Know that was my That was that was what I said. I'm gonna figure myself. You figure yourself out, and I'm gonna figure mine out too. So that way, she's saying you're doing what you're doing and I'm doing what I'm doing without actually saying I'm gonna date other people. But you know you're figuring, figuringspect because I was trying to figure out us, but you're not ready for that. So not I'm gonna figure out me. Women. All right now,

Yeah, so I am two months into a relationship where it was love at first night. I feel like it should be first first night only two months July August, August, September.

Yeah, two months, so sixty day fiance, she's engaged. She got engaged after how long three days.

Three days, like love does not wait. Love that first night love is not what it was. It wasn't it wasn't first sight, but it was first night.

I'm not gonna say no, but I'm going to say this though, it takes about a year, year and a half to get out of that infatuation stage and then you start seeing somebody'shoe colors. A year. Yeah, we're in the honeymoon. I think we're in the honeymoon face for at least a year.

Honeymoon about two years.

Then you start seeing or not.

I don't like they start fighting with the whole but go ahead, I'm not. I'm so we are not planning to like go get married tomorrow. We are planning to live this committed life for at least a month. No, no, no, until we you know, figure it out. But we did commit to each other relationship within like the first hour of that first night date night. And then three days later he's like, let's get married, and I'm like, okay, so here we are. Do you believe in that type of quick love?

I think you need to get somebody, to get to know somebody a little better before you jump. But I'm not judging you but I do think that when somebody's very like, let's get married and let's just do this, let's have a kid.

Oh there will be no.

Kids, right, but some people I saw people saying love bombing in your comments.

Yeah, so it was like, oh, that's the bombing.

Oh he's manipulating.

But nobody knows what you got, and so I'm not here to judge.

So we definitely held hands and leaped face first together. And sixty days later, everything's fine. We're still holding hands and we're still descending on this.

No issues, nothing, Everything is good.

I mean, small things, but nothing to whereas though I'm like, oh my god, I made a mistake, like there was some there was a miscommunication issue that happened just a couple of days ago. We have not had an argument, like, we have not yelled at each other. That has been no cursing or anything. But there was a situation where we there was a miscommunication in a conversation that we had.

What did you say?

I said, I loved a little commentary, So.

I left.

For one, I didn't want to argue at all. For two, his son was there, so I didn't want to express negative energy in front of his son.

So I just left.

But I text him as soon as I got to my car, and I told him what my issue was, and when he responded, I realized that I miscommunicated what he said to me. So ultimately, that's what the issue was. So that wasn't like a big thing. But that's like the only thing that happened, and it wasn't big at all. But I even I don't know if I would have left if his son wasn't there, but I definitely wouldn't have like blown it up to be a big argument

I held the clause in and I was proud of myself for that.

But so interesting to know, like as a relationship coaching, as a man, what you think about it for one and for two.

Advice because I did it already. I just name tattooed on me. Yeah, you can't really go back now, Well you can tattooed. I mean I can always get removed the cover. First of all, sidebar tattoos is over the sidebar about the tattoo. Everybody and the me maw is worried about this damn tattoo.

I am not worried about the was the tattoo.

Let me see.

You can't see the tattoo, can't. Yeah you can't.

I'll show your picture later, but you can't see it, right. But but everybody's worried about this tattoo, like.

You, tatty. That man's name are you after three days?

Right? And and I don't care about that part because I have tattoos all over my body like you. Your tattoos mean have meetings, right, All of my tattoos have meanings.

I don't have not one tattoo and tattooed somebody. He's not the first man tattooed.

On me, you know.

But even so, he's gonna be permanent. Exactly negativity. We don't live together, we live in the same city. I did not move in with him.

I will not move in.

No, I stay there a lot, but I will I have He has his own space that he's been in that he fully fits in with his son is partially living with him. They have joint Why would you give for that? And I have my own space that I'm very comfortable in and are we understand?

Why would you give?

I'm not trying to blend until we are actually married, because I've made that my love before. But I picked up and moved in with a man with my child and it didn't work and I ended up. But that honeymoon face, like you said, right, and I'm here for that. That's really really fun. That's really amazing. You know, that's exciting and lovey dovey. You had your first little tiny argument. That's always a cute milestone too. So what do you think about Gigi's situation?

I think it was kind of fast. I'm gonna be honest, because you don't really know people's demons and the trauma, childhood trauma that makes us who we are, like little arguments fighting with somebody, somebody just running out on you, like, oh you really can't communicate, Like I gotta know things about you and I got to know how our dynamic is.

First.

And I just think that I'm not trying to judge you, like I respect what you do and it may be a beautiful relationship, but I do think take your time with it and just kind of like really try to figure that person out and enjoy the ride and don't rush things because you don't really know somebody until you.

Jesus like, no, no, no, I agree with all of that, and I think that No, I definitely agree, and he got engaged from there. So here's the thing. And Angela, we are all friends. So they noticed about me. I never ever wanted to get married. I was with somebody

It's very like those things. Those sound like important things, that they are important things. There are important things, but it's things that you would never think matter. Like I'm trying to say.

So, it's like so our first thirty days together, but we like to en leave each other side and we would wake up every morning at like six am and just like talk, like the communication and the trust from day one has only been continuing to build, Like we've learned so much about each other, family, past, religion, like all of those important conversations, and it was kind of

You do want. I don't know, like this could be a beautiful relationship. Things can break out, and I think that also spent some time living with him before you make any big decisions.

Definitely not going, We're definitely not getting So he's a business owner's entrepreneur. He has restaurants and clubs, and there are restaurants being built out, there's a club being remodeled. So we're not even thinking about playing the wedding until all of that is done. Coffee his restaurants.

Yeah, we got to make to get on that menu.

So it's not like we like, okay, we got engaged in there, we're getting married tomorrow, like we're really gonna like, let they ask y'all both something and everybody here. How I'm praying, is sex in the equation when it comes to something like this, okay, because it's like that the sex is definitely good, but okay, let's just say it. We're coming from what everything else was great. Let's just say and fortunately for you it is, but let's just

So?

And I only asked this because I was watching The Ultimatum on Netflix and she had an issue with her man just because this sex wasn't that great but everything else. So the relationship that I was in prior to this one lasted for a year and a half, and the worst part of that relationship was the sex. What do you think about that, Chris, Like, can you see a relationship working and thriving if this sex just does not click?

No, I think that you guys gotta find either ways to spark it up a little bit and figure out what's going on. But yeah, that's a that's important part of a relationship, especially if sex is important to you, your sexual highly sexual person.

I am relationship that relationship that I was in two years ago. What was so bad about it?

The sex.

You're gonna so, you know, So it was the very first time we had so we waited probably like I don't know, six months before we had sex, sign right, and the very first time I feel like there was so much passion and anticipation that it was good.

The first time I came twice it was great, not great, but it was good. Right.

Every every time since then, like every time it was like very cookie cutter, like exactly the same, and it didn't last very long. And I can literally remember in a year and a half, I can remember twice that it was different.

I remember the exact two times that it wasn't the same, exact sex, and then it wasn't.

But that's the problem with it.

I mean, it just it just he was. He was on average size. You're very vocal. Did you tell him and he was?

I didn't tell her, Yeah he was answered he had some weird injury.

Yeah, penis no, but that's your side. But he was going through some things with his body, like in turn those things with his body, so he couldn't do a whole lot.

So basically I rolled him until he came every single time. Yeah right, nobody wants to do that. Okay, all right, that was our sex every time except twice, and then it wasn't that big.

I'm not gonna lie, so I did for my opinion.

But I didn't say like, oh my god, I hate our sex, because I didn't really hate it, but it just wasn't good. However, when I did like kind of bring it up, he would just like brush it off and not really want to like get into like the conversation.

So yeah, after a.

While, I was just like, all right, I gotta slide up out of this, and eventually I did.

I ended the relationship.

But you're not going to tell be cause you didn't really miss him. When he was like, you know, like yeah it's good, you'd be like listen, I need Yeah, you were like I had talked to him in three weeks.

That was the other thing.

The other reason why I broke up with that man is because we would go weeks without seeing each other and we did. We were not in a long dier stance relationship. We were It actually got to the point where it was like a two month span where I'm like, we haven't seen each other in two months going on exactly so like that in the in the Terrible sex. And it was another thing that I care not to mention on camera, was the three things that made me be like, all right, I gotta suck out with it.

But that's the thing, though, that was something that was important to you. That's something that was important to you that you communicated to him. He didn't try to fix.

No right and wouldn't even address he wouldn't even like get into the conversation part of communication. And it was more than once that I bought it up in different settings, Like it was literally one time when we like I'm taking like the the hot washcloth back to the bathroom and I'll come back and I get right in bed and I say something about what just happened, and then

Got to hit him in the ego to get them.

And he just was like a rag No I.

Cold.

I believe that they left him in the bathtub where they left Shorty home in the bathtub.

The Tyler Perry wash cloth.

But yeah, definitely gonna take my time moving forward with right, because if that's your if that's your forever, there's no rush. Right, you're together, We're taking the day by day. Do you think marriage is important nowadays? Because there's so many people now who were like we could be together but not get married.

To each his own me personally, I do think marriage is important.

But that's what I was gonna say.

I think that you guys should if you're gonna get married, like an said, is forever, might as well.

I don't agree. I think you should do it faster. You know we're gonna wait. Don't give it that we're gonna wait.

I think you should wait and see all sides of him. I see all sid because you even admitted like you just ran out and he was like, y'all, I'm tripping, I'm doing too much. So he got to see those sides of you tube to see how you react.

You felt like you're doing too much.

No, this was the in the moment of this miscommunication she got.

And just like, yeah, it's just mad. You didn't really feel like that.

I felt I didn't feel like I was doing too much. But I felt like if I don't remove myself from the situation, it can turn negative, and I don't want to do that. Like, I know my capabilities. I know I'm about to Chris, how did you know your women?

Brittany?

Okay, how did you know she was the one?

A lot of time, a lot of working with each other. We do therapy, so us just kind of growing and taking our time and our relationships. So a lot of people always say, like, you're not married, spent five years in now I want to get married now I'm ready, But I feel like we just spent a lot of time building, building our relationship with God, building our relationship with each other, seeing every aspect of each other.

How have you guys been together five years?

I know I'm about to hear why you ain't married?

It isn't a long time married.

We aren't married yet.

No, are you getting married?

Look at that?

I want to hear her. Go ahead.

How long?

So you guys have been together five years?

You've already explored guard God, you know this is your person person and you be in a relationship expert five years.

I don't think there's a timeline, right.

Do you think that's you think that's a long but you think that's a long time normal. I don't think that's a long time. It's like my regular relationship around the corner, like I have with anybody. Any All of my relationships are five get older.

The thing is she does, and that's why I know.

She was getting to wait want I'm sorry. Child is thirty thirty, she has time. Do you guys have children?

We do not have children together, Yes, but she wants children. I'm a firm believer in just taking our time. And people always tell you know her, her family, my family, They want to rush things. Yeah, I do want to you have a child. Yeah, I do have a child, but I want a child with her.

Yes.

So let me let me make this clear too, because I know this is going to come out. I'm not a perfect man. By any means, and I don't want to sit here and appreciate it like I know everything. I'm speaking from my experience and things that I've been through. I went through my dog years, I went through my fun years.

Not you.

Yeah, within the past five years.

Not within the past five years. Absolutely not. When I was younger. When I was a young man, I experienced, I had fun. You get older, you mature, you live, and you learn right. And I'm not here to sit here and try to talk like I'm perfect. None of my messages are talking about being perfect. I just want to once speak about the man that I inspire to be and to hold myself accountable and try to inspire other young men coming up.

We can't listen to people who think they're perfect, though nobody is perfect. Yeah, because I think you learn the most from things that didn't work out, yep. And I always feel that way because we've all sat here and had some things that did not work out, and some of it is not our fun and some of it is tend to be able to understand what we've done, you know in the past that we're like, Okay, that was a mistake, and I can tell you what I did so you know not to do the same thing I did.

So are you feeling pressured?

No, I don't feel her too for a marriage from her? Yes, am I feeling pressured? So you feel like she's waiting and I know she's ready. She's ready and waiting and I know it's like now, now is the time? And I prayed on it and I know I know it's time.

So I want to say, asked one more question, because when Laura was asking, you said no. Stephanie said what's the date? And you said, I'm not going to tell you the date? So you in your mind know that you one of my forward with this. You have it, but you just are going to work on it, and that it happened when it happened.

No, right, That's.

What I'm That's what I'm getting at, Like, you know what you want to do, and you know that they're timing and you're figuring it out.

What do you think about ultimating? That's what I get from that because sometimes in relationships people feel like, look, we've been together X amount of years and you know, and there is a show on Netflix that I just reference called The Ultimatum, But what do you think about women being like Okay, we've been together eight years, and so what are we doing.

Yeah, that's her boundary. She setting her boundaries and what she wants in the relationship. If that's what she wants, you got to respect that she's communicating it with you, like you communicate it with the sex thing, right, You're letting your man know and it's his decision to decide what he wants to do with that. I'm going to do the right thing, or I'm just going to avoid you and just keep doing what I want and I

You, But sometimes over communicating, Like, I'm a very communicated person.

I love to communicate. I'm very emotional. I agree with you, you can't over communicate, bro I am very.

To the point where it's like Nagari, right, and this is what I'm saying, or it's just CMI.

That's how I felt like, we're my situation.

Like he felt that because I was communicating and expressing how I'm feeling at the moment, is that I was upset or that I was angry.

But I'm like, I'm not.

I'm just expressing how I feel and how some of your moves make me feel. I know it's unintentional, but it's still having these feelings, and I just want you to know that so you could be aware of it and be a little more mindful when you make the moves that you make.

Isn't that crazy how it works? I feel like women are always going to feel they're over communicating because women are much more emotional than men, and it's a man's job.

List hear that from me.

Men were meant to carry the burdens of his family, right, So what a woman's communicating with you, I think what men lack is the ability to put their anxiety to a side, to the side and listen to their women and understand her. Because what happens is men want to fix things. So when a woman's telling her what's telling him what's wrong. This has bothered me. Instantly he gets into an anxiety mode like he wants to fix it, like, just be quiet, we will fix this is.

What we're going to do. We're going to figure it out.

And a woman wants to talk through it, yes.

And the man is on his actions and.

I got high anxiety. I don't want to really engage in this conversation, and they try to brush it off. But I think when a man could get a asking, a man can understand a woman's feelings validate her feelings. First, I understand why you feel this way, even if he doesn't at the moment, I understand why you feel this way. Just give me a little bit of time to just kind of figure out how I can get my thoughts together and communicate how I feel with you. And that's

Some people say I act like a dude in relationships because I'd be mad calm till I do not want to talk about everything all the time. It's true, like you're also a laid back person in general.

Yeah, you was gonna say that's because you were.

Let's talk about you got her saying that Angelo got that New York, you got that New York that. I will say this like people think like the man is the only masculine in the relationship.

That's not true. The woman could be the masculine, the man could be the feminine one.

Can we both be mascular hilarity?

The balance is the balance of the two. So there's the masculine and the feminine. It might be the woman, it might be the man, but there has to be that balance.

Then it can't be too masculine.

No, it's not gonna work out. There has to be a masculine and the feminine, and that has to balance yourself out.

Balance auto.

Look at two women that are together, you always know right away who's the mask. You know who's the femine.

What are some things you learned from your dog years?

What did I learn from I've learned that there was a time where you know, I would talk to multiple women, I never got anywhere. I think those were my most unsuccessful years of my life until I realized, like man, I met brilliant in my life changed. Not saying I was doing bad, but focusing on one person. Is somebody that believes in you, is your teammate, is your partner

People, you get nowhere fast.

You get nowhere.

It's time consuming and I don't know how people do it.

I can.

I don't have the attention span. I have the attention span of a goldfish. I can't talk some more than like three people a day, like but definitely I can't even Okay, so I'm I don't want to talk about my personal situations.

But I'm doing fine now.

You post some stuff on social media.

No, I haven't been in the country. I don't even know where I'm at. I'm living a hole matrix. I don't even know where where we are, Like it's yeah, so anyway, I still have a question though, like about me relationship question. Like, Okay, so I meet guys and This is throughout my life. This is an issue throughout my life. Right I meet guys and I find that they want to get serious very fast, right like making plans.

This is throughout my entire life. And then I.

Feel like the faster you do that, the faster you burn, you know, like because we get to like we get to this fast pace getting to know each other, and then you know, you start to see the parson that you hate of the person quickly.

I don't have any patience, you know.

I think I've I've lost I may have given up on some great men because I don't have any patience. I have this thing about me that I just feel like I've already been through like the worst relationship of my life. And it's like I don't want any bullshit, any red flag. I don't even like I'm done. I don't want to talk anymore.

So you don't have patience in relationship.

I don't have any patient.

Are you looking for a relationship?

I think so? In my head? Is that patience?

Like in my mind, I feel like I want to be somebody's wife all the time.

You have to have patience with people.

And I feel like I feel like I'm patient with faith. You know.

I'm patient with my faith. I'm patient with.

God, you know, And I think that's that, you know, working on my faith has helped with that because I've never been really a patient person. But when it comes to men, especially at this point in my life, I just feel like I'm just not going to put up with any any bullshit.

I just have.

Boundaries any over, I understanding your boundaries.

But then I might meet a guy and he might see a red flag in me, because it happens the other way around too. I might meet a great guy and we're having a great time and then boom, he sees a red flag in me, and he doesn't have any patience for me either, so it happens back to me too.

So what do you think?

First of all, relationships are hard, and anybody tells you their relations so you have to have patience. And if you see red, you're going to see red flags and you're gonna see things you don't like about people. But is it strong enough for you to just not talk to them again? Or is it something petty like hard to love?

Is visient like you'll think that I'm going to be there forever and boom you don't hear from me ever.

Again, it sounds to me like you might just not be ready for a relationship right now because maybe has been the right person, and it might be that.

That's what I was about to ask.

This was my next my add on question, like, if the person is really great, you think it's worth being a little more patient for even though I see he's doing things that I don't love.

You know how patient I got to be with Branni to this day. Patience when I be in the house.

Sometimes nobody's perfect.

Yes, you're never You're always going to find something that doesn't wait when you be in the house.

Sometimes I get frustrated. I'm not the type of person that likes living with somebody. I need my space, like I need to breathe. And then there's times when I get frustrated with Brinnie, but I can't just be you know, I'm out.

You know, I'm not happy your man cave somewhere in the house.

Yeah, I got the man case. But even with that, you know, it's just there's a level of patience and understanding. It's hard enough living with ourselves and then living with somebody else. So when you do make that commitment, you have to be patient, understanding, loving, and communicate. And a lot of that is from things that we've been through. It's hard for us to do that, and it's a lot of it is anxiety.

I think I'm just easy to let everything go, like fuck it, God, but you have a very fucking mindset.

But but you're telling me that. It's telling me you're not ready for a relationship. If you could just say, if you could just let it go, Like if somebody was to give you a hundred thousand dollars today, would you just be like, you can have it back? Want you would be like, no, no, no, I need that money, right because you really want that right.

A couple of times you had therapy.

You're not gonna give up a gold mind in a person either, right, if they're a good person, that's somebody you really want. If you're not ready for that relation, if you don't want it, you're just gonna give it back. But if you're ready for that for it, you're gonna work for it.

I'm not gonna lie.

Sometimes I look back and regret, like, dam maybe I shouldn't have you know, did that?

Maybe you know? Like and and it's like you can't go back.

You gotta even though I have to say, there's like a good percentage that will come back, but it's like you want wait, I'll wait it out and by the time you know that thought would probably have left already. You know where I'm like, oh, I made a mistake, so by the time they come back, I probably don't want them again.

Have you have a question for the room? So we, like Angela mentioned before, you turn your losses into lessons, right, you turn things that don't work out into a learning experience. What do we do with our regrets, our relationship regrets.

I don't regret anything.

You never every situation I've been in my life, I don't regret.

I regret if you guys I still have, I do too. I can't even shine. I haven't had too.

Many relationships that like, all my relationships have been long relationships and hello, I have two kids, like but people that right here your kids fall. I feel like God put everybody in your life for a reason, and some people I forget about to figure out why and what that was.

For, Like I don't necessarily mean a person, but maybe a decision.

No, But this is what I'm.

Saying, me regretful for you know, curving somebody who could have been a potential I don't have regret, good partner.

For regretting people. I'm like, why do I get that person? Don't you wish? Give you waste? Given things that you learn from, right, you learn like, I'm not putting up with this anymore if this happens. And you know, along those lines, right, one of your red flags and this is something I don't agree with. You said not posting your significant other is a red flag.

Were talking about that.

But see, I also feel like for me, I never really I've never posted somebody I was dating, and I feel like it's different. Also in the entertainment, I was going to say that too, it's different for you to post your significant other versus because why why is that? Because there's more microscope spot Like, there's more there's more people watching, there's more outside influences, there are more haters, there's just more chatter.

There's just more energy putting onto it.

No, none of that, but I have to The thing is like, if you're strong with your partner and you guys are like this, nothing on the outside world.

Matters.

That's because we posted each other. That was that was our announcement and they gonna find out anyway.

Bigger you get, the more you out.

That was our That was our announcement to the world that we were together.

Like I don't hide my man, I just don't post him.

He's the.

But I also feel like I kind of really use my social media for more work related things.

But you just you just said it. You don't have you just posted your partner by just saying that you have a partner. So you let you.

Say that knows that she's in a relationship.

But if you don't, we don't know that you have a partner. So she's getting DMS or he's getting DMS. You know how many people don't post their partner on purpose, So it's just I could look like they're single, look like they're just in case something bets case.

But same times, it's also like depending on why, some people are just not like social media people, you know what I mean. Like for me, I feel like my page is more about business than anything, you know, like my in interview is what I have going on for work, what I'm doing with this and until I kind of feel like if I got married or something, I would, you know, post from that. But other than that. I'm like, everything feels like so much smoother without outside influences to me.

No, absolutely, Like I just posted a picture and it made the whole world turn up side.

I saw that you posted with some guy and you were like, this is my man, and I said said that.

I never said that. I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything, and everybody's like.

Going this you know what it is because you don't post anybody ever, Like finally you post somebody and everybody is just going to their speculatory.

Oh my god.

It's just like like it's fucking Instagram. But it's true, Like, as a person in the entertainment business, my Instagram is for a certain thing, you know what I'm saying, it's not for all of that. And it's like I just gave myself Like I'm telling you, I live in the matrix. I don't even like posting my kids and I'll take it off, but I don't even because I don't even like posting my kids because this is social media.

For one, because said that your man should not be liking other pictures. No little I like that either, you know, But I'm gonna be honest, like that's.

Never choose to do that. I used to grab my gears.

I'm trying to give you all free because we got men. I know men, so I know what we're thinking. I know why we do things we do.

I would I would see a random girl on my Explorer page and I would like, Oh, she's cute, let me see and I would look and then it'd be like my man in her life, and I'm just like and then I will look to see if he's following her, and it's like, he's not following her.

And then imagine if he ain't posting you, then he.

Wasn't posting me. This is not this is not my current relationship.

This is good now.

I'm saying though, for people that are going through it, they're heart in other women's pictures and then they the women go to their page because they think they're attractive, want.

To talk to a guy who likes pictures like Chris.

A lot of women like your posts, yeah right, And.

I think a lot of men disagree because they don't want to hold themselves acount.

And a lot of men do not like you.

No, but you'll be surprised if you go to my inbox, you'll see how many men like yo Chris, I really and it'd be a lot of I'm gonna start doing some podcasts with some men that are the mature men that really kind of relate to what I'm talking about. Men reach out like, Yo, Chris, I appreciate what you're saying. You're holding me accountable. Men that don't like, I'm not saying anything crazy. I'm not saying anything that's not that.

And I love it, Like and I've used your some of your content on my Way Up with Angela Ye's show at a certain time. I actually heard that, Yeah no, because I like that, Like I enjoy relationship talk and I like to hear. But you know, some men would be like, oh, he's just trying to kid it. You know what. So many men that are so negative towards women.

People don't realize. So, Derek Jackson, I was doing this.

I was.

I was the card videos that you that you see people doing with the relationship. If you go back to my Facebook, I started all that.

That was me.

Don't do that. The boy he kind of blew up. He kind of blew up before me and did his own thing. And I'm not trying to take any credit from him. I don't know his situation. I don't, I don't, I don't really care.

I'm just saying, but doing best something I've been very passionate about because this is something that my father and my mother spoke into me.

Yes it works, yes it does well, but that's not the whole meaning behind this. I feel like this is my purpose. This is what God wants me. God wants me to speak on healthy relationships. I feel like I have a niche, not just a niche for this, but a blessing to do this.

But I want you to be to speak on it or be an example of.

All of it. How many negative messages out there? And I'm ready for the fire. People look at me crazy. Oh he's a he's a simp. Oh he's a square.

I don't not care about Derek ja now.

I mean, I.

Was going to bring it up, and I'm glad you did.

I just kept.

I was going to ask you, like, how did that?

How did what he did being what you're doing and it's similar, you know, and what happened with him? Because I'm not gonna lie I was tight because I used to listen to that, like you know, I used to listen to him.

I never felt it though I feel it from you, right, but I never felt it did genuineness.

How did it affect your business?

Because regardless you may be different, it is I feel him, but it had to have some type of effect.

I think this is not a bit like this is. Yes, I might build it and be successful, but I'm a businessman, like I have properties, I have other investments. This isn't my main nich. This is the niche that I feel like God.

It's more of a hind contial hustle.

You know what I'm saying. Like, I'm not here for the for the glam. You're not gonna see me pull up in here with everything name. But that's not my style. I'm a very simple man. Like I'm very simple, I'm very traditional from a small town, and I will always stick no matter where I go with this. I'm always gonna stick to my values and you're gonna see that. I'm never gonna change. I'm never gonna be any different.

All right.

Well, that is the end a Part one of lip Service with a Relationship Coach Chris GQ Perry answering questions from myself, from Laura Mora, from gg McGuire, from Stephanie Santiago, and next week we'll have some more questions, plus we will have some responses and answers to those questions from some guys. So y'all tune in for that, because you know what, we can't just hear one side of the story. Lip Service Part two with Relationship Coach GQ Perry coming next week.