Episode 410: Bitter Bit*h (Feat. Kiana Ledé)

What's up. It is lip service that I'm Angela Ye, I'm Stephanie Santiago.

I'm Jazz and the Brands, I'm Laura Mora, and I'm Keanu La Day, Keanna La Day.

I like your eyebrows, Thank you so much.

I take prid in my eyebrows.

It looks really good.

Thank you.

That's the look now too, because I feel like it's a.

I did minds fluffy today to.

Hers are Stephanie's are a little but not all the way hers a little.

Up and then yeah, through a lot of phases, remember when really thin narrows.

Yes, that was not my era. That wasn't for me.

You are their eyebrows on.

I'm like my mom.

My mom had really thin. Now they're feeling a little bit, but her eye are thin.

In Miami, they used to call it the chunga eyebrows A tongua.

What does tongue mean?

It's like a little something offensive, a bit offensive.

Sorry I said it then, Kiana La Day, this is your first time up here, so a toast to you. Cheers.

I don't drink water. Cheers.

You've never drank never in my life. I'm sorry.

My parents gave me one sip of non alcoholic beer and non alcoholic wine when I was like twelve, and I was like, this shit is disgusting, never tasting it again, and you meant it, I really meant it. Also, just like trauma when it comes to like alcoholism and shit. Okay, I was just like, I've seen what all the shit does, right, I'm good, understandable. What about smoking or anything? Nothing, just mushrooms.

Okay, that's enough. You just microdosed for the first time, Jasmine a second time, both times with me.

Anything. Do you smoke weed occasionally?

Okay?

So not a lot?

Yeah, not a lot? Okay, not a lot.

I feel like I've well, Christine she smokes a lot of weed, and I always call her out my interviews. It's so funny. No one even knows she's there. I'm like, Christine, she smokes, Yeah, she smokes a lot, so she never feels it. Is that.

Okay, So that's the thing because I don't really smoke, and I did it too, and I mean I've done shrooms plenty.

Of The thing is I think for me, if I would have, we did like half of a like kind of like a gummy and then we did other half. I think if I did it together, like then I probably would have felt it.

Right, we're being cautious. It was a microdose of a micro dose.

Okay, yeah, I think you could also. I feel like the sugar might.

Like cancel it out because it was a gummy.

Yeah, because when I went to they were saying, like, as soon as you eat something sugary, like if you're having a bad trip, drink juice, because as soon as you have something sugary, it starts bringing your come up down.

Okay, So what do you think is the best form of mushrooms, like the chocolate or just the regular straight from the plant.

Like the first time I did it, it was tea, which I really loved because it hits you like kind of slow, and then you can just drink more throughout the process if you feel like you can handle it. I loved that. I feel like also my body was really sententive to it because I had never done nothing. But then I like just eating it too.

I like, I like eating it. They taste a little fun.

They do you like mushrooms? I do.

I've been doing them. And when people acted like there was something.

Before it was cool.

She was doing it before, it was cool.

Yeah, when people were acting like, oh my god, this is so bad, and then now everyone's here.

We are, I'm ready to try it. I tried it with in Miami. It was a little I was nervous. I think she gave me a micro yeah.

And I think anything you try, like try a little bit to see how it affects you, because you don't want to overdo it. You rather add on than have to be like I'm never doing this again, dear God, please.

Yeah, And that's what that's my biggest fear. I'm like, what if I start crying a lot?

But I feel like mushrooms does not.

What you're right.

It made me cry when same time.

Was it therapeutic or was it like you were scared?

No, I was laughing so hard.

I was.

Because they say, whatever emotions you feel in at that moment or however, that's why you have to be in the right environment with the right people.

That's like lsc But like mushrooms just makes you see like purple lights and stuff.

Do you ever write, perform, or record while you're Oh my god, I actually have the best story for that. So there's a song at the very end of my album called Magic Perfect magic mushrooms. It's called magic and it's very like mystical and like hopeful. And it was so great because that day I had taken a fuck ton of mushrooms and I went with my girls to Manhattan Beach and we went and I like, it's cute, yeah, And we got on a boat and we went dolphin watching.

Have you ever had sex sunchrooms?

You know what's funny. Every time I've tried to do that, I fall asleep. But yeah, because I'm like in bed and then if I'm really high, I just start like meditating. I just get into this meditative space and then I just get distracted by that and I don't even make it.

Man, he's like, yes, he's about to go down.

I know, right, I'll be Sad'd be really sad.

Well, let's talk about the new album that you have out. And now that's how you post. Sometimes you got to face yourself. And then this album you are taking some accountability. I mean we got it right before this started, but bitter bitch, Okay, that's accountability right there.

Yeah, I mean I.

Said title, I said, she got to be talking about somebody.

Else, you know. I just like I really wanted to say I actually have a good story about that too. I really wanted to just say, like you, I don't give a fuck about you. I give a fuck about like whatever. The remnants of whatever you did to me is like I still feel that shit. It's trauma that I'm like getting over and I'm just bitter about it.

You know, I think it's very telling when you're with somebody, if you feel like you're not acting like yourself, that means that that was like a bad experience, because sometimes when you're like, why am I a bitter bitch right now? Like why am I doing things that I normally wouldn't do and so out of character, but not in a

I feel like I don't know if it's not me, But it's like I feel like sometimes people or we allow people to pull certain things out of us that don't need to be out. They just need to be chilling in the cut sometimes.

Right, I've never been through nobody's phone. Good for you, I have never told me to do it. Did you find something for me? It's like, as soon as I'm going through your phone, I don't I already don't trust you. Yeah, so like there's something wrong there. But also I know if I go through your phone, I'm going to find something because I'm looking for it to justify why I went through your phone. It's like you talking shit because we just got in a fight or something. You know,

I haven't done that in so long, but I definitely have like, I probably haven't done that in maybe like eight years, but I just know how hard it was because I remember going through an email my ex left his email open and how devastating that was. And I was just like, man, and I forwarded all the emails to myself so.

That when you can take your time, look at me email, so I could.

Remind myself why was he emailing? He was like, well, it was like this. He was emailing. He took a girl on a trip, so he was emailing like the travel agent at the time, like stuff, and then she was forwarding her information and then he was like sending pictures.

I feel like that's an industry guy. Classic thing was.

Worked in finance. And then the other thing that happened was it was his birthday that I found it on, so you know, we were supposed to go out, and so he told him on his birthday. I tried to hold it and I just couldn't. He was because I was like, man, do I want to ruin this man's birthday? Because I was really still trying to be like gracious. And then he was on his way to my house and then I just sent him a message I don't

What happened?

Then I just started forwarding him.

His own and then what did he say?

I mean, what could he say? You know, first people get very mad and defensive. Then you yeah, so first it's your fault, right, because that's like such an invasion of privacy.

It is, definitely.

But that's why I say, if you do that, because we already I think we're on the brink of about to break up. Because he like butted out me while he was in He did a lot of dumb ship, so I kind of knew it wasn't and he left it open. I wasn't looking for it. I went on to to Gmail. It was just open and so he hadn't locked out, and I said, God is like girl.

Look, but he stayed with more signs do you need right?

Like, do you need me to put the girl here?

I never I've never been through a guy phone.

But when I was dating, when I was living in Toronto, the guy was dating with they were on their break and he was planning like, well, he played basketball, so you know they have like.

Two weeks off before right out. After all, start.

So we were planning a trip supposedly to the Bahamas, this and that, this and that, and his side kid kept going off and he had this girl that he was Oh yeah, I was like, that's how that's the first and last.

Time I went through a man.

Know what sidekick is?

Yeah, I think I was jealous of people because they all had one and I didn't.

Okay, yeah, listen, I went through it like he was getting ready for the game. So I went through it and basically the same trip. So they have two weeks. The second week of their break, he was planning a trip with the girl from Atlanta and kept lying and he found me looking through it.

I went in the bathroom, locked the door the worst.

Yeah, he was so and he didn't want me to go through it so bad, to the point like he hit me, like that's the first time, you know, and cartoons, Yeah, I'm over there. It never happened again, trust me. But you know in the cartoons when the cartoon character get hit and they see stars, I said through the phone. I never really after that, never went through a man's phone, and I don't allow them to go through mine either. But that was like my shocking, like, yeah, never again.

Don't check my don't check Wait, do you go check his cloud? No?

I don't go listen. I by mistake, like a I came up on my son's father's Facebook and it ruined our relationship. So I learned my lesson early. Not so when you look, you're gonna find something. Just period.

Okay, what about this? Have y'all ever cheated?

Almost every time I got caught cheating was through my phone.

So that's how you give it to him?

Like, do you your story?

Like, go ahead, take a look.

He's like, I'm not a cheater anymore.

So he knows that you cheated before.

Though.

Yeah, I'm pretty honest about it. I was young, you know when I was. I was in my first relationship, and I was like all my my whole experience. And then I became a model, and I have all these opportunities to be with these actions, these amazing.

In your phone.

Yeah, when it's.

Lit like that especially, it was really nice.

Have I ever been tempted to cheat?

Yeah, yeah, one time, I think, But that's also because it was really bad. Like the relationship was really bad, you know, it.

Wasn't really affected you.

Yeah, but this was like my first boyfriend.

This was my first Okay.

When you like, you know, when you get into your first love and you just like stick around because you want it to be you think that's it.

You know, you don't know any better.

Yeah, So no matter how bad he treated me, which it was really bad, I was, like, I think I was just looking for someone to be nice to me. So that was the only time I was tempted, but I didn't do it.

So is this the same person like from fair Play the songs.

That fair Play?

Yes, okay, this is fair Play?

Yeah?

Now? And this album is that the same person from their Okay? So this is a different ex?

Yeah?

Okay, another bad ex?

Yeah, yeah exactly, And like I feel like they can be good people, they're just not good for you. And also I think the really important thing is like not only are they not good for you, but they're probably not like ready for you. Okay, you know, once someone stops putting in an effort, I feel like it's already like done.

Right, Yeah, it's hard to get it back too. Now, let's talk about your tattoos for a second. Okay, do you have so how many tattoos do you have?

I don't know, man, I don't know.

Have you ever had a guy tattooed on you? I actually do.

I have, Uh my best friend that passed away in August, So this is the only guy. But he was my best friend.

And you I remember you put out that project that unfinished. Was that the motivation for you to be like, I just feel like I need to put this out now because I know that you had a tribute, you know, for your best friend. Yeah, that's the way I'm there.

Yeah, there was a time where I was I was freaking out about death, like probably for like a year. It was I I thought about constantly, maybe every day I would have like a little bit of a freak out, and it was really hard to let that go. And once he passed away, I felt like it all was real, you know, that that fear was like really there in front of my face and real, and I needed to just process how that feeling affected me and what that really felt like for someone to be gone, and where

Yeah, that's amazing.

Yeah, it was beautiful.

So you have him tattoo? Yeah, Strawberry Shortcake.

Yeah, it's my mom's favorite character.

You want to hear something so funny. I was talking about Halloween. Yeah, and one year I was gonna go trick or treating. I used to have to take piano lessons growing up, right, but my piano teaching, I know you played a piano two. I'm nowhere on your level, but.

I'm nowhere on my old level.

But my piano teacher had cats, and I was allergic to cats. So my piano lessons were every Monday, and I was there and I got a really bad allergic reaction, and so my mom wouldn't let me go outside. And I had a Sour Grapes costume. She's one of the characters with Strawberry Shortcake. She's like the bad one. And I just sat at home in my costume and cried because she wouldn't let me go.

Outside the real sour greep.

Yeah, I was so sad in my little Sour Grapes costume. If you were in character, I just want to say, but yes, And that's so funny because I was just talking about that today and a lot of people don't know who Strawberry Shortcake is.

I knew, but I didn't know who.

You neither. Yeah, my mom gave me a lunch box and it was like a vintage lunchbox. My mom grew up in foster care, so she like didn't have ship, you know, she wasn't there. I'm not allowed to take ship from house to house. And she found this vintage lunch box and it was Strawberry Shortcake and she gave it to me one day to take to school and I lost it. She was like she literally told me, like anytime she told me, don't lose this. I lost it every single fucking time. So she was like, don't

Not gonna who's gonna steal your lunch?

I mean it sounds like it was a nice lunch box.

It was very cute. So I told her, now, since I lost her lunch box, I always have strawberry shortcake on me.

And what she said, she was okay with that, Yeah, she was.

She was like, oh, that's cute, that's sweet. I also got like a honey, like a huge honey sock vine on my on my hip. And that's also because she said, you know, they would starve her basically in foster care, and so her and her brother and sister would go and suck the juice from the honeysuckles. And I showed that to her because it was so big. She was like, good, she was a little weird, while you have the honey, because I see you have the This is actually from

And what's her name be?

Cower? Just remember, honey, Yeah, I want I'm interested.

I love how meaningful everything is that you have. Like I don't have any tattoos because I don't I don't don't want to change my mind, Like I don't know you know what I mean.

But to me, it's like it's a story either. Yeah, and you can make up ship.

After like, yeah, that's what I do.

Yeah.

How many tatoes do you have?

I don't even know. I have a bunch. But like, all the reasons I got them are different reasons.

Now remberes or something.

Well, I got the big one on my stomach to cover my stretch marks from having my son. So that's the reason I got that one as a cover up.

Well, is it.

It's earlier. I have flowers on my beautiful all on my stomach, but it's like, now, yeah, you see I'm on my hips. But no, actually I don't. I'm gonna be very honest. I didn't feel I have a gorilla here.

Why is gorilla?

Well, change the reason.

Yeah, the first tattoo that was there was my ex boyfriend's first and last name Guy.

Definitely.

Yeah.

I had to cover it, so I had to pick something big, and I like gorillas that and so now it's like, oh, I'm a beast, so I have a gorilla on.

I like that. I feel like as soon as you put someone's name on your body.

If she makes plans, they make plans for other movements.

Also, if I want to get over somebody, I should put or if I want them to leave me or us to break up.

I need to definitely get I think you I would just get like initials because then you can always like make something up easy for them.

But I didn't feel any of my tats for like, the only tattoo that hurt was the first one. I have a tramp stamp that I don't even look at.

You can't ye, So I don't care about it.

But that's the only one that hurt. But all the rest of them, like I took a bunch of percocet, so I didn't feel like I didn't feel with one on my ribs, I didn't feel the one in my stomach. I didn't feel not even after no and I was on ecstasy when I did this one on my finger. I was, I don't know. We were like laughing.

Maybe it felt good.

What is that your only I have seven of them, but you really can see them, like I have a rosary. All of them are butterfly themed, but more because butterfly to me.

But you did one on your foot.

Yeah, I have to hear yo.

Three people left the the guy was so Ian. People who get people the office? That mean three people left hearing me scream like that was the worst one.

They're like, I'm not going to hear.

I have the one in the back of my neck, and then I have William here.

But I didn't want to put William's name because he's named after his father, my son's name, so I put his nickname. Oh okay, but the one on your neck didn't hurt too bad, right, Yeah, that one wasn't bad.

The one in the back of the neck.

Wasn't bad. I have one here on the side of my head. It was just weird, like to have the buzzing in my head like this.

Oh yeah, yeah, that's one of my sideburns. Tickled and it was my third test ever. It's a lotus, okay, I thought. And he was yelling at me because he was like, I was on your fucking face.

He was so mad.

He was like, stop sucking laughing and he was done with me. But it was it was so tickled. Is the one. I think the foot one is the worst I've heard. Oh my god, I have an angle.

Yeah wrap, No, I need people who get tattoos all over their body and the leg and the foot their rying man.

I ever use like dumbing cream and then no what I'm not a spray if I give I have a really small tattoo. It was too painful, so I didn't finish it.

Where was it.

It's a tiny stars.

Telling you take purpose, you don't feel anything.

Yeah, I just couldn't finish it.

It's just the tiny stuff.

You have to get another one with rain.

Okay, don't have a C section. So I was thinking about getting something cut.

Like yeah, do it. It's nice. That's something like a nice flower and take purpose. You'll never feel with that what I I.

Do You have lazer hair removal?

Yeah?

Was that painful?

I would say I like the feeling of tattoos more than I like the feeling of laser hair removal.

For sure.

It's like rare. I I really I think it's hit or miss for me when it comes to the pain of blazer hair removal. Sometimes they say when you're on your period, don't yeah, And I think I pretty much do it.

On my period the other time because I was going to say with the numbing cream, that's a good idea.

So I got my under arms lasered and that it was okay.

The under arms aren't that bad. It's when they go on the inner lip of your pussy word.

But I get waxes.

So the only time, yeah, I have lazer hair.

The only time that really hurt was when I was pregnant. It feltxes don't hurt, so it's bearable. It's bearable. It's not. It's like, okay, I mean the.

Ingrown hairs from that, Yeah, I just I got way more.

I think laser hair was amazing because there's no more ingrown. It definitely hurts. I think the first few sessions hurt the most, and then as you progress and there's less and less hair, it doesn't hurt so bad.

So do you are you? Is it a little patchy when it grows? Like how long do you have before?

It's like grand hairs?

But no, but some under arms are it's random now yeah.

Yeah, but then it's done and then you can get it like touched up every now and then.

Yeah.

This is also it's like when you wax, you have to keep going back with laser. It's like less and less every test is the problem with laser though.

Every time I think about getting done, they're like, okay, well you can't have you have to you know, you can't have gotten waxed the last in the last few weeks.

Shave the bush.

That's so annoying.

That's kind of hard when you let your hair grow on your legs. It's a spring, it's the summer, so I've been shaving my legs. I don't shave my legs properly when it's cold out at all.

What's proper?

Really? Do you get hard hair? I don't really get hard hair.

Soft hairs.

Yeah, it's just like you do.

And it's just like I shave my legs every time, shave every.

Time I do, every time I say I will not.

I would not leave any hair down here at all. I don't play that but my legs legs.

Yeah, I told her that's like very misleading, misleading to people advertising. All right, now let's get into some of the music, all right, because you have the song with LM A Jealous. We had a whole conversation with this

I just want my person to be obsessed with me, same like I don't. I just want to be like number one. You don't see nobody else one, no, number two, yeah exactly, because I am number one. So like it's like it should be very simple, but I think, like I don't get jealous. It's really hard for me to get jealous. The only thing.

I love the song.

That's why I love the song because it's like, okay, cool, Like, so I found out I have a very anxious, avoidant attachment style. So I'm like, okay, I should be number one, but like, also, you couldn't do what you're gonna do Because'm probably gonna do what I'm gonna do. But like we're here, you know, And so with that song, I love that. It's like this internal conversation in my head. The only thing that I get jealous over is Instagram.

Okay, that's so interesting, but I know it's the only thing.

So okay, I only get jealous when the person that I'm seeing or talking to is liking other bitch just pictures that bothers me so much because because you want attention, So like, I don't care. I don't care if you're like already following people and you're just like looking at their ship. We all are attracted to other people as normal, cool science whatever. So if you're like looking at other shit, cool, I get it. Look, her ass is really nice, she's beautiful. Cool.

Feel like you want you want them to see that you liked their pictures exactly.

Okay, that's so funny. My ex used to like, I would say he liked pictures, but he was like, I just go and I just like everything, Like I scrolled down my timeline and just like everybody.

A guy told me that too.

Hmm, that's just the excuse. Also for me, it's like, if you're liking someone like I don't know, like Georgia, right, Georgia's fucking gorgeous. Everyone Georgia Smith.

Everybody knows she's.

Fucking gorgeous, beautiful. If you're liking her photo, she's my peer, you know, like I'm gonna see her right, She's gonna be right next to me talking to me, and you're gonna be right next to me. So now I know, like you're attracted to her. That's weird.

It's weird.

Does that mean I'm attracted to somebody? What if it's a song and the song is dope, and what.

It's also the type of pictures too?

Okay, yeah, okay, of fair enough, because what if it's like somebody previewing some new music and their picture.

You're a fan.

As a person in this business, what happens if you like guys pictures, but like other artists male male artists.

I mean, like, I'm not gonna go like a shirtless picture of male I honestly don't really be on Instagram like that either, though, Like, okay, I'm not. I don't like to scroll. It makes me feel shitty. I don't like scrolling on Twitter. The only reason I'm on Twitter is to like see the updates or like see like talk to my fans, you know. But I really don't be on social media like that. It's just not good for me mental.

Health, fair enough, you know. I was just saying I'm trying to post more on Instagram because I barely do it. Like I look at stuff for work. I'm always like being nosy to see what's going on so I can report on things and have the full story. But I haven't been good at posting things, you know, myself, and I know I need to same. I'm just trying to get better at it, all right, So are you a jealous person? Yes? Or no? Because I'm I'm not sure.

No, Instagram. I would say it sounds like it.

I would say no, I would say, I'm ninety six percent not jealous.

So if you're with somebody, you would like to be number one, but it's okay for them to have some number two, three, four. If we're talking, if you're just talking, yeah, do you want to know about it? Do you want him to be honest like or if you call him and he doesn't answer, do you want him to be like I was a sleeperor do you want him be like, yeah, I was on a date.

The thing is I wouldn't know because I'm always number one. There is no two or three.

Okay, you're out of town. He doesn't answer, wet.

Okay, No, I'm not worried. I'm not really pressed like that.

Listen, but let that nigga like somebody's Instagram picture.

Then you're fucked. Yeah, then we're gonna have a conversation. Yes, don't answer the phone, but don't like the picture exact. How was it?

Recommend LMA?

It was great. That was my girl. I mean, she's always been so supportive with me since day one. I think there was there was a time where we both fair Play was on the radio, and boot Up was on the radio and boot Up one, you know, boot Up did boom, and it was so dope because people were kind of comparing us at the same time at that time, because people had like curly hair with light skin, just like it was stupid, but people were comparing us.

She's still that's amazing. So people have embraced you like other women because you've worked with a lot of other women artists.

Yeah, I think like the energy that you put out is the energy that you're and I get. And I'm like, I'm not a competitive person either. I compete with myself. So if that's the energy that I'm putting out, and I'm just like really comfortable with myself and really comfortable with you, and I'm I'm down to like give you your props and like give you your flowers. There's that energy is just it's different.

You know, Listen, it's amazing to me how you even came into this game and like starting off as young as you did. Sometimes people will look at you as a kid. I look at like Chloe and Bailey and the criticism that they get as they've grown up before us. But I don't feel like that's happened to you. I feel like you came in as a you know, young but now people have allowed you the space to be who you are.

Yeah, what do you think?

Yeah? I think I'm not. I'm also like very kept to myself, Like I have a lot of friends that aren't in the industry, and I really like to be in my little space, in my little circle and with people that I trust. So and I'm also like not really on social media like that either, Like I don't really be posting a lot of my personal shit. So I think that's also where I kinda again, I put that energy out there and people don't really give a fuck. So I haven't really gotten a lot of criticism.

And you don't care because you won't see it anyway.

Exactly, I'm not scrolling by it.

And for your mom you talked about, you know, your mom growing up in fastic care and having you, you feel like she like overloved you just because of everything that she's been through. You know, sometimes I find that people who've our parents have had a rough childhood and it can make them go either way. But it feels like with your mom, she's like, oh yeah, she.

Loves me so much. I mean, she sacrificed so much for me to be where I am today, and I think for her, she always seen an opportunity for me to thrive and love what I do, and she really wanted that for me, so she always gave me, tried her best to give me stability and also drive, and she's just Man, the amount of shit that that will has been through. I don't know how she is so.

Wonderful. Was she open with you about things or was it like as you've been going through therapy, asking questions.

You know what's beautiful is like she's told me more as I get older, because there's a lot of fucked up shit like a twelve year old couldn't understand or comprehend at all, but she has really so since I've been on my mental health journey and like getting diagnosed and going to therapy, she was really reluctant to believe me and what was going on because she was in

That's great.

And now she's been like in therapy.

She goes everything.

That's amazing.

Her life is completely changed, like her perspective, she's she's treating her body right, like she's just so she's different, not different, she still has her core, but the whether she handles things is just very different because she's she's healing through her trauma, and you know, it's a lot she's very guarded about what she went through as a kid, so she's kind of starting from like present and going backwards and seeing like how that shit affects her now,

See how people could learn from their kids too, I think, and even just when it comes to like therapy and mental health, you know, I feel like the previous generation, it was a lot more taboo than it has been. People are having like way more open discussions about it, just even being able to find therapists. Now, I feel like it's a lot easier.

Yeah, I feel like it used to really be hard.

Yeah.

Yeah. I also think it's a privilege. And I always say that because you know, like a single mom, a black single mother that has two jobs trying to afford a living for herself and her two kids, yeah, doesn't have time and probably the money to be able to afford therapy and heal. And it really is a privilege.

And it's interesting because you also are you write your own music, right, And I feel like there's a different connection to an artist, you know, not saying that everybody has to write their own music or people can't have help or co writers or even just you know, be given a song, but for you, that's really important, right.

Really important. I definitely have co writers that are really really grey. It always comes from me, and I do take songs sometimes, and the only times I take songs is when I feel like they said it better than I could. Okay, you know right, And that's like therapy for me because now I get to sing that story and I'll always add my own shit to it for sure, but they definitely have said it better than I could. Maybe I couldn't have processed what I wanted to say

Like which one like for the new album, what would you say was the most therapeutic song for you?

I mean Bitter Bitch actually intro lude. That was good. That was really good. That was that was like really therapeutic. And I just remember being in the studio and like sitting in the chair and just being like.

Fuck.

Like literally at the end of the song, I say like I'm traumatized. Fuck, because that's really where I really had that reaction when you wrote that, I was in the studio at my manager at the time, they had a studio in their house, and I was just in the booth. And this was during COVID, so my engineer was there was the control room and then there was the booth, and we had to figure out a system

It just felt so good. And the album is called Grudges, and that's also a song on there, So why Grudges?

I like it? So thank you I.

Obviously, so I have another song on the album called Closure. Originally the album was going to be called Closure because obviously when you get it out in music or you talk about it, you feel a little sense of closure, hopefully for yourself. And I realized me and my team were talking about it when we were like going through all the songs and we were just like, this is not about closure, this is about grudges. Like I am talking shit this whole album. So I think that was

And who is high Sometimes it is fucking hard, at least for me because you know I will, yeah, and you know we are stebbing goats and aries.

Ram.

I am ready at all times to protect myself and protect my people. As soon as you fuck with with my people too, I'll hold a grudges even if they're over it and they forgive you, I'm still.

Passed and you're like, dare you have made me mad? And then you went and forgave them. Yeah, now I'm over here, still mad.

I'm like, good for you and love that. Don't fuck that nigga, like I will. We will have a problem forever. I have grudges still from people in like third grade. Wow, you.

Actually, I know third grade. You gotta let that go.

An eight year old you, you know, it's so crazy. Sometimes I want to hold grudges, but I can't, like I want to. Sometimes I'm like, I'm supposed to be be mad. I'm supposed to be hurt about this, like I was so hurt, but I don't. It's crazy, like I don't know how to hold grudges, like I always tend to look back and be like.

It's not about you. This is probably about THEMB and this has nothing to do with you, so let it go. That's so mature.

I'm not mature. I can hold grudges. I'm okay. But it also sometimes it's something really bothered me for some reason. I I can't remember it sometime.

Oh you like compartmentalize, yeah, and it'll come out later.

I'm like, oh, ship, that's why I was mad.

Yeah, like it if it's really really for some reason, I won't remember it and then I just repressed it and then it'll come out later from.

People that you really care about and love though, because I feel like it hurts the worst, So you want to, like you would compartmentalize it so that you can you can remember that like I don't feel that right fee I forget that I'm mad at the person or that even something happened, and I just like I forget.

And I'm just like me, I always remember what people do me. I used to say God forgives and I don't. Yeah, but I have been on a faith journey for a couple of years, and with a faith journey comes a lot of forgiveness.

So there we go. God, do you fall in love really easily?

It's kind of a hard question for me because I I feel like I don't ever go seeking shit, but like I'll fuck around.

And find out and I'll find out later.

I really I think it's easy for me to like separate sex from like love.

Oh nice, it is really easy.

People act like women can't do that.

I know it's crazy and I've done it successfully. But there's times where like people have fallen or they get feelings, and then I feel kind of like convinced after a little bit to like go on a day or do whatever. Like I'm kind of just like go with the flow, like fuck it. And then eventually I'm like okay, like you're kind of cool whatever, and then you know, everything goes from there. So I don't think I fall in love easily, but I think I am. I think once I hit that point, I fall in love fast.

Okay, yeah, because sometimes we try to prevent that from happening. You know, sometimes you're like, I really like this person, but I will not allow myself.

I will not. I feel like as I've gotten older, I've become more selective. So now everything I touched I'm totally obsessed with. You know, like when I was drunk and having fun. When I was younger, it was so easy for me to like not care. But now anything I get involved with, I'm totally obsessed with and they have to be totally obsessed with me.

But can you separate sex from feelings?

Though?

Not now?

When I was younger, her vagina has feelings now that she's.

Got I swear, am I crazy? Now?

Like Keanna like, look, okay, so your ex right? Can you have sex with your ex and not care anymore?

Yeah? I've done it before, Okay, but they cared?

Okay? Is that like a revenge get back kind of a little bit too?

No. I think it was like I was just like, oh, okay, this is like one of the last times we're ever gonna fuck and then it's like, oh, you're gonna miss it. I'm gonna miss it. Cool, there's something hot about it, you know, it's like hiding something, like hiding some sort of like rendezvous thing. And then like that's kind of on the same level for me.

Okay, because yeah, she's definitely talked about that. Wanted to be like, Okay, we broke up, but let's you know, every now and then, let's link up. Do you still ever go back if you're single?

No?

No, you feel like you can get with any of your ex'es if you wanted to.

Mmm, if they were single.

Probably Okay, you're so respectful, right, I'd be like, fuck that bitch. How about that?

You're welcome?

When's the last time, like when you end up in a relationship do they ask you like, hey, you be my or are we monogamous? How does that even happen nowadays?

Yeah? I think it's like very casual. It happens very casually. I think one when I get to that point where I'm like, okay, I caught feelings. We're spending every day together, like we're spending every single day obsessed with each other, And then I think when it starts to when it starts to feel like real, it gets kind of scary

I don't care.

But my thing is.

I don't I don't care about Like I don't want to get married, right, Like that's my I don't want to get married, But I want you to propose to me with you like I want to.

Do you want me? Do you want to be engaged from.

You'll say no, no, I say yes.

But we're not getting married. We're gonna have a celebration of love.

That's what I say.

I want to because then we could do it every year if we want to. Everybody. I want all of our friends, the family to gather around and celebrate how amazing are together every fucking year every year.

Did they do that?

Basketball wives? Your every year?

Still doing it?

Probably? I think that's their tradition.

It wasn't ridiculous. That's great, Yeah, see that, but they get married. See what I'm extra as fuck, that's what I want. I'm a little much all the time.

But yeah, no, what about is being obsessed with you ever too much? Though? If we broke up, okay, as long as you're together, it's fine. And look, we had that conversation. I was telling you, you want a guy to be obsessed with you if you like him like that. If you don't like him like that, it's annoying. But if you're like, I really like you and I you know that's true.

That's true.

What's the best gift you ever got?

M I think like so like my love languages, gifts is like the last thing for me. If you're gonna give me something, it's something like thoughtful.

Ye, let's say best thoughtful gift.

I would say the best thoughtful gift. Uh for my birthday. So my birthday is in April, so Easter is like right around my birthday, and I don't really celebrate Easter like that, but I love Easter egg hunts. Look, that's the same thing. I'm like, I don't really care to get married, but like I don't want to.

I'm like, we had a host Gabbins your hunt in New York.

So yeah, exactly, So I don't really I don't really fuck withut Easter like that, but I love. I love Easter egg hunts. So I was like, oh, I really want to have an Easter egg hunt. And so on my birthday they did an Easter egg hunt for me, and it was like there was like notes in every single Easter eggs with the Rieses, you know, like Rieses they come out with the Ries's eggs. Those are the best. They have way more peanut butter than the regular ones. No,

They're half off right now at them?

Wait are they the up right now?

I like them cold though, put them on.

I like it to melt in my mouth, even when it's cold. It molts and it's like in the roof of your mouth.

But your story.

Yeah. Yeah.

So there was one of those in every single Easter egg too. And then at the end there was like a really big gold Easter eggs and it was like a really big note. It was really sweet.

That's so cute's time exactly, preparation.

That's like acts of service to me, And that's not really expensive. No, I like that. Yeah.

The thing is like people think that you got to spend all this money, yeah, and like you really don't you could.

Take me on a surprise picnic and fucking put a bag of ship on it, on a blanket, and I'd be like totally. Like if they were like, oh, like, I know you said, and so here's a bag of ship because it reminded me of you, I'm.

Like problem, Yeah, exactly exactly.

That hit too hard right now?

Indeed, that's what she said.

Yes, I'm so glad you said that hard.

You say early I had a return with.

I'm so happy. I think everyone should say.

That's what she said.

That's what he said at some point.

All right, So now, how important is sex to you in a relationship?

Oh? So important. Physical touch is my number one lovelingth okay, number one, Yeah, number one. I think once the sex starts going downhill, the whole relationship starts going downhill. But it's also like it's kind of symbiotic, like once a relationship starts going downhill, then the sex goes downhill.

Yeah, but you can't do have great sex with somebody but not really care about them, because you said you can separate the two. Yeah, okay, So what's great sex to you?

I really just first now at this point, because of everything I've been through in my life, feeling safe is actually like the number one thing, okay, because I'm sure ever all the women, especially in this room have been through some or sexual harassment or assault unfortunately, and so now I think processing through a lot of my sexual trauma, I've had to try to connect back to my body, and so that's like the number one thing. If I don't care, it's still it's it's cool, but I still

Safe with you, you know, and then I'm free. I'll do whatever you do.

Whatever I always say, I'll try anything once and then if I like it, I like it, which I.

Like a lot. I don't believe anything there's not that I don't like. Really, Yeah, okay, let's name some Is there anything I haven't tried that you're like, I would try this.

Not really, I've tried a lot. That's okay, No, that's actually one that I'm going to try. But there's no no, no, So I'm gonna try that. I am going to try that, but I have my my My only thing is because I want the person to be obsessed with me, right.

Oh my god.

It has to be the I know I have to be to me. I need to be the star in the bedroom.

Okay, that's and your enjoy If you're the star. That's the only way I can have a threesome. If all the attention is on me, it's two people all over me.

That's doable. Yeah.

Also I like women too, so it would be. It's it's a little bit more level. You know. It's cool. So it's a good experience for all of us. I know. But it's because the ground rules is what I'm struggling. That's my problem. I don't know. It's like, who's gonna put what where?

That you have that conversation when you get I've never done it, but I would think you would have that conversation.

Yes, you have to have it before because you know what you're getting into. An I want to be able to look at you in the face after you know you want to.

Would you like to have it with a girl and a guy to girls? Which one with combination? Are you thinking about both?

That's cool?

Okay?

Yeah?

Have you ever filmed yourself?

Yeah?

Okay, I like that. Are you scared about that ever leaking or getting hacked?

You know what that if it leaks your fucking welcome world. That's how I feel about that. I can't control that.

Ship.

Hackers are on it right now, Like I do not control that.

If it happens, You're welcome. Don't do it at the time.

Yeah, my god, so it's like you're welcome.

That was the last thing I expect that I want, though.

She's like, I know my favorite while having sex, Like, what's the you have to do it?

I don't know.

I like it all.

I like it all.

I like I just like a good switch up to you know, like I don't want to be doing the same thing witch.

Yeah, I agree with that. Sometimes guys know what makes you orgasm, and they do that all the time every single time. They think that's like what you want. Yes, I agree with that because sometimes it's like, okay, we could like move it around a little.

Yes, I've definitely said that, like this is a you know, I love this, but you know this is also cool.

Do you squirt it?

Yeah?

I just realized that recently though.

Oh shit, I know, isn't that amazing?

I just want to try all the things my body can do, and I found out so many more things.

How did you realize that you squired it?

Like so masturbation Okay, yeah, I have not squired it through masturbation. But it's also because sexual trauma. Like I had a really hard time connecting to my body and really like letting loose and letting go, and like when I finally allowed myself to just like feel and not be so in my head. And also the person that I trust the most is myself, right, so feeling the most comfortable I was by myself and that's what really led me to find out I fucked around Abo.

Have you done it during section only by yourself?

I've done it, okay on top or how.

Were you on top or were.

Not on top?

No?

No, no, different ways but not on top?

And what about like percentage by how many times did you say you orgasm every time?

Or is it like pretty much every time okay, pretty much every time you know your body you know very well. Yeah, I mean I'm a very sexual person, so like I really I really do like to. Like I said, it's it's been a process to be able to connect back to my body. But I'm a very sexual person. I love sex, so I've definitely experimented with myself and with other people.

For sure. Do you kiss a lad during sex?

Yeah, because it's so important to me.

Yeah, I agree.

I want to kiss for a long time before we start doing it.

Yeah, like I'm kissing the neck, the arm goes whatever is there.

Yeah, I want your throat down, I want I want your tongue down my throat.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, your face comes to me.

Yeah god, yeah, it's great, she said.

I like it all.

I do it all baby.

Yeah. I know.

Guys love that. But what about this? What about the first time do you ever feel like the first time I hold back a little, like the first time you're with somebody because you don't want to do it all.

I'm extreme.

Okay, I'm very extreme.

If I'm doing it, I'm fucking I was asking.

Him earlier today. I was like, Hey, the first time you have sex, let's talk about a guy you give him head the first time. So we had mixed reviews and I was saying we should bring it up, but I don't know how open she is.

She was like, I don't want to be you know. I was like, I feel like you can talk about it.

So yes, the first time you're the first time you have sex with a guy, you won't give him head. She'll do it all, she'll do it all whatever. Yeah, I feel comfortable with you. Yeah, yeh, you feel safe.

Yeah, that's what we said, Like since we're here and we might as well go there.

Like, I don't know if.

I don't know if the first time I have sex with somebody I would do I would give head because just in case it doesn't happen.

Again, but you gave him, see though I don't.

I mean, yeah, it's fine, but.

I mean they're like the same thing.

I like, the second time I would do it, but maybe the first time just in case. Is like I've never had a one nice stand, but in case that it's so terrible, I've always I've always wanted to do it. It's never happened. There's been times that I've had sex with somebody and I was like this might never happen again, and then it did. Yeah, so that's not technically I.

Thought I had one, but Angela is being a hater and said I never had one.

Yeah, she had sex with somebody like multiple times, but on a cruise.

I didn't know them. And then after that they try to keep coming back, So then maybe, yeah.

I've definitely had that where they try to keep coming back, but that's not then, but I didn't.

Then that was a one nice fan.

Yeah, okay, okay, I'm not mad at it. I think that's an amazing experience, like to go somewhere and meet somebody, to have that.

Chemistry like that strong and then.

Where I met somebody and we had sex outs time and then we never saw each other again. I've had that moment like where I met somebody and we locked eyes and we got a crazy triathlon of sex the first night we met a couple of hours later, but

Have you ever had a woman call your phone like another or.

To be like you and mommy, No, I called after my ex cheated on me one of my exes.

I.

Called their phone. I wrote a song about it.

Yeah, I messaged them on Twitter.

Oh I remember this hotel Wardorf for story.

I've never stayed at before.

That's why I say, that's why I stay when I'm in Atlanta in Chicago. Those are my favorites. But it's not like crazy, where were we just at?

Four seasons?

Four season?

Four seasons?

Okay, that's bougie. That is is not like the biest.

Hello.

Well, here's the thing. If you travel a lot, you know.

Listen because we were at the four season. I was like, I don't know if they have such us here. She was like, this is the four seasons. Fine, okay, okay, we'll continue with your story.

You called. Yeah, So I d m her, I got her number, and well, okay, first he told me that he cheated on me. So then I was like with who, and he was like such and such. No, he didn't even tell me at first. I was like with who with because he had a guilty conscience.

It's like he, yeah, my conscience ain't never been that guilty, but continue, I'm not myself. I'm gonna deny like a nigga on camera.

And in the back of my head, I didn't turn around it with my face, it's a I.

Yeah, okay, go ahead.

So yeah, So I asked him like three times and then he finally told me. I found her on Twitter. I d md her and I was like hey, And I didn't even put blame on her too much. She knew, but I was like she was she was also the situation was just fucked up, and I was just like, I know this isn't all on you, but I just want you to know, like I'm a real person and that fucking hurt and that you were in a relationship three years that whatever. And then she was like, can

You need to know all the details.

Stomach. I did. Why because it was my first love, and like I think if it wasn't if if it was, if I thought that it was how he was presenting it, I think it would have been much harder for me to leave the situation.

Okay, you know.

Oh, like what he would say to her was what he said to me a lot when we were fo I know it was true, Like she didn't obviously didn't know that, and like she told me and it was like wow. And then just the way it happened, like they had a threesome. I got cheated on a threesome.

You guys, I don't think I said that. At least it's something it was bad because for.

Me, okay, and I'll open this up to everybody, but for me, it's like if if my person is going to cheat on me with a one night stand when they're drunk, or if my person's gonna cheat on me and have an affair with someone that they're in love with, I much rather choose. I'd much rather have them have an affair than cheat on me when they're drunk for one night, because you're throwing away years of a relationship

One night stand or like something that doesn't mean anything, because that's so many times you guys think that, like I love you, but this didn't mean anything. But it's way worse. If it's like I love both of.

You, but I love both of you for me, It's like it's like even disrespectful. That's what I was just saying. It feels even more disrespectful to me if you're doing it just for fun, random but you're still number one in the other stitution in that situation, No there, number one, No there, number one.

So you you you heard all the details about his cheating situation.

Yeah, and then she told him that we had a conversation and then he called me and got mad at me.

The oh wow, but you know, guys like to turn it around.

He was just like, I can't believe you called her? How could you do that? And I was like, I don't give a fun.

So you really broke up after that, because sometimes it takes a little while.

Yeah, we broke So. Also, what was fucked up is I had just me and my parents, So he was in another country and did this, and me and my parents had just moved us in to our own apartment two days before we signed, the least two days before he told you lie. So I was like, this is so fucked up. So we had to talk about the apartment after and like and then also I didn't feel closure at all because we broke up over FaceTime, Like he was in another country for a while.

Yeah, how did you know that? I don't know?

Okay, go ahead, did you just guess or do you know that? Okay, whoa, that was crazy?

I was whoa gurball? Yeah no, no, I'm kidding, that would be crazy. Yeah.

So I was just like it was.

It was hard for me to let go obviously.

Said I need you to be here, like, yeah, I don't need to.

Well, that's the person that you rely on too, So like that was my best friend. I was with him for three years. So it's like really really traumatizing and like really sad. And that was also like his brothers and everyone that was that was like my family, Like we all lived together. So it felt like everything, it felt like our whole family was breaking up, you know. Yeah, yeah, And so it was a lot to let go of.

I love it. Yeah, I was just some of those things you can't take back. The problem is that now you feel like you're in the wrong, like damn, I said some fucked up ship.

Yeah, and I'm I feel guilty really easily. Yeah, Like I'm I'm the person that could be innocent and be interrogated and like I would.

Be end up in jail. I just admit some shit I didn't even.

Do because yeah, I'm like, damn, maybe I let this and that's why this happened and I'm an accomplice.

Well, let me ask you this, how does your relationships affect work? Like have you ever been with somebody or been so in that like you neglected things that you had to do or does it feel what you have going on?

I think it fuels what I have going on. I think either way, whatever i'm I don't want to call it a distraction because it's just life. Like you got to live life because life informs are and so whatever I'm living on the outside, I'm going to do the same amount. Like if I'm going out and partying with my friends or doing whatever, that's the same amount that I'm going to do where I'm partying with my friends and hanging out with the person I'm with, So I

Oh well, listen, we're really excited if I graduate. We just we've heard a few of the songs, but I know it's about to come out. You're going on tour.

Yeah August, No, okay, September, September, October, and I look at Christine for these things. September, September. It changes all the time, you know.

I see why people love you so much though, Like, this is a really great fun conversation. Very okay, yeah, very open.

And crazy, crazy girl.

I'm I'm medicated.

Say I can tell when she don't take her medication too.

Zz did you take your medicine?

I'm like, oh shit, okay.

Yeah yeah.

She's like, let me get I need a banana, so I mood so yes, no, you have to.

You have to.

But like I listen, I'd rather be alive and have to take medication and be nauseous without eating a banana. Sure, right, anything else.

I had to wait for the kick in, so's all. He hasn't kicked in yet.

Yeah, you gotta wait those like forty five minutes.

How did you know that you were bipolar before? Did you know before you were diagnosed?

So I actually so bipolar skids Aphennie runs in my family. And I was told by I experienced the first depressive episode that I can remember. I was twelve, and I've always dealt with anxiety and depression, and so I thought, that's just what I had. And you know, I've always been like hyper, pouncing off the walls, and then sometimes I would just like become some like some person that just like wasn't me, almost like really quiet and just like not acting like myself. And so that was kind

She like she recognized me.

Yeah, she gave me some homework and she was like, come to me when you're ready. I wasn't ready.

I didn't.

I didn't come back to her.

I was so scared.

And then a couple months later, maybe I was going to this therapist and I couldn't fully trust her, like I wasn't really connected to her in that way, and she brought it up and mentioned that I was bipolar, and I was like, no, I'm not. I never went to her again after that because it's just scary, you know, it's scary. And then my therapist now I really really trust her.

I love her.

I think it's also important to have a therapist that looks like you, and so it just there's a different kind of connection there. And she's so dope, like she'll be like she'll be like that's always something. She's like, Okay, let me ask you a question. I'm like yeah. She's like, do you want doctor or do you want Monica? And I'm like that is she is my bitch, Like that is my friend. So I really trust her. And she mentioned it to me in like a really caring way.

What's the proper way to give it to somebody?

Yeah?

Yeah, just like easing someone had, you know.

Yeah, And I really felt like finally, like there's there's somewhere to go from here. I don't have to live like this for the rest of my life, you know, I can really there's a path for.

Me to feel you can take control of it.

I don't have to just survive now survive myself. I can like actually live and enjoy my life.

That's great. Well, I'm happy to hear that. And the new album, Grudges, comes out June sixteenth. Only one feature on this album too, and that's the song lma Right, Oh, there's more, because what we have here only has one.

Yeah, there's there's more.

Oh is that secretive or we don't have that it's.

A secret or can I say? Okay? Christine gave me the go ahead, so we have Bryson Tiller, Oh yeah, okay, Ella Khalead and I have a those you always.

Get the heavy hitters though you're a heavy head of yourself, but yes you.

I mean, I really am so honored that I have people that are that fuck with me, that are really successful and really talented, you know, like they know what the fuck they're doing. And I am so grateful that they're so genuine, you know, like they really backed me and they I can't even tell you how many times I've had conversations with them about like the industry and how to get through shit, and they're just so fucking supportive. So I'm honored that these people want to work with me.

Well, I'm sure they love working with you. Thank you as well. You know, it's a two way street here.

Thank you.

All right, Well, thank you so much for joining us. And you're not going to be a stranger, no come back, yes please? Then, I mean we test on a lot of different things, and I think it was a really important conversation. So besides being super talented as a writer, as a singer, as an actress, anymore acting roles coming up.

To uh not coming up, but I'm definitely gonna do it. I'm gonna explore that this next year for sure.

Okay anything you didn't tell us that we should know about to because I want to make sure we get it all.

I mean, I think I said it, but I'm gonna say it again. I am number one. I am number one. I am that bit, number one, number three babies, I am that bitch.

The next next time she comes, we should do like I have.

Yea, Yeah, I got I got us.

Oh my god, that's right.

Definitely got the plug. I mean I won't I know how, but I won't say I'm hitting you.

Every time I'm in New York.

No, A thousand percent. I got you. And for sure, yeah because family.

Yes, exactly, literally yeah, literally literally literally.

Amazing And it's a good plug.

It's yeah, it's he's official.

Yeah, he's official. He's official. I didn't want to say.

All right, well, Pianna to day, thank you so much, amazing.

For having me.

Thank you,