Episode 343: Global Options (Feat. AJ Johnson)

have to bring you right back there. Last time you were on, things went a little viral, a little a lot of viral, a lot of we could talk about the threesome with the two men. Okay, so we wanted to come back and really like address that right away, amongst other things. Because, by the way, you look amazing. Just got back from St. Thomas. Yeah, everybody's like, I don't like tailnes. I'm like, well, I love and how

do you know your tan without Yeah? The St. Thomas and got Love Retreat, Yes they do the self love retreat. Off the chain. Gotta get you all with me. Everybody was crazy, but you gotta come. I mean the peace and just like you know, swimming with the fish and praying at sunset and silent meditations on a yacht cruising. I mean, you know, I pulled out all the stops for for the group and it was amazing. How dare

we be at work right? Right? But since you said you gotta come, let's get right into it, right, she said, CEO mean you here? You that's what I heard. I know, now listen to a lot of people had things to say and weigh in on you, you know, and like you said, you did never said you had intercourse with these two men. But even if you did so, well, but you said, that's not what you said. It was a dance, and people had a lot of things to say about it. They were saying it was a train.

And remember I was saying, for some reason, when a woman is with two men, they call it a train, but when a man is with two women, it's a right. So okay, So can I ask a question? Because we didn't know what was gonna happen like that, so we really didn't even talk about those details. So I kind of want to know, as as my girls, what you think, like, okay, let me just say this. I was very, very surprised that there was so much judgment. Are you really No?

I was because the thing, but you know, I was, yeah, you're used to the course. No, I was because I feel like nowadays we should be so free with expressing who we are and how we are that I was really really shocked that there would be so much judgment, primarily for men, which I also think leads to another thing we're gonna talk about, which is the why. Well, I'm gonna tell you why I and I want to

change where we're going. Why I'm not surprised is because we got a lot of judgment on this podcast period, just for even talking about sex, which is why I did it, right. I love that. The reason why I did this podcast was because I feel like it's so taboo, in particular for black women and women of color to be talking about sex. People hate that. Um guys would be like, you guys are hoes, no matter what it is that you're talking about. Women will be like, y'all

are disgusting. Why are you discussing this. There's bigger things happening in this world, and it's like I've struggled in my relationships because of some of the things that we talked about on this podcast, But I really I have never understood why it's so taboo to have these conversations that, by the way, on the flip side, a lot of people said they've learned a lot, a lot of people

have said it's educational. A lot of people have said, now you know, I don't feel alone and things that I know other people are doing, things that I never had anybody to talk to about. Now I can listen to your podcast and feel like and that's that. That's kind of where I was going with it. When I want when I want to ask you, how do you feel about the openness of the conversation. I think that's the biggest thing to me, you know, coming back around

talking about it. Yes, there's judgment, but I just don't understand why we're so judgment as a community. It's like, if you're not into it, that's fine. You know, there's things I'm not into that you may do, but it doesn't mean I judge you for it. It just means that's not my thing. So I wanted to hear how you felt about the judgment side of Really what we were talking about was being a woman that's free with her not only her sexual conversation, which is what this

forum is. I love that I felt so comfortable and so free to talk to you guys. I love That's all I say. It's a no judgment soon. It's a safe space for women and for our listeners and viewers to be able to get feedback and so forth. Yeah, I you know, it goes into so much. I'm gonna let you decide where we're going, but it goes into I mean, I had so many women, first of all, let's talk about this. I like you taking the lead, by the way, but I just respect that you are.

But I want to share with you because you know, we we've been all been so busy that we kind of knew that it were viral, but we just kind of said whoa, But we didn't talk about the details. But I mean, so many women hit me about my retreat and of course, my retreats are not about sex and freedom. My retreats are about self empowerment. So to me, do you guys feel like that's possibly one and the same hand, isn't that well maybe maybe if you feel

that way. I was shocked. It's like so many people hit me up like I want to be on one in your retreat, and I was thinking, Okay, I hope you don't think that that's right, especial because you know how they used to be, like in the club, every guy gotta bring a girl, every girl gotta break two guys to come on. You know who knows we're doing.

But you know, I mean, so many women enjoyed the freedom of speech and freedom of expression, and I feel like if, like you said, and if so many women are wanting to and and either afraid to, which is another question, where's the fear coming from for women to

talk about it and for men to accept it? And that's kind of the responses I was given, Like, you know, you're telling on yourself in terms of how you feel about you by projecting your feelings onto mean black women are it had to be repressed about their sexuality and it's not Why do you think because there's this standard of what women should be and how women should act and how women should carry themselves, and you know where hell to this standard that I think it's bullshit? Personally, yeah,

very old school, and it's not fair. It's not fair at all because you know, going back to oh, if you have this many guys your home, but if a man has this many girls, he's the man. He just needed to do that before he settled down, just for women, and I you know, you're calling it not fair. I also think now we're in a time where it's low key bullying, it's high key shaming. It is very you

know what I mean? And I think that's another thing that keeps us as women oppressed in our expression and then our self empowerment, especially sexually, because I should not be this anomaly talking about what a lot of women have done done and I saw I want to do, but I saw a lot of women hyping it up to they were excited. And I do feel like a lot of conversations when it comes to sex, there's gonna be some people that are like, oh my god, you're discussing.

But then there's also always people who are like, you go, that's amazing. I'm down. I can't wait for my birthday. And you know the other thing too, is you know I went from the old hoe because I waited to do it to to you know too. I'm sure you know that was probably really empowering and freeing because now you know, you know, I, like I said, I know who I am I'm comfortable and who I am, and there's nothing I'm after where I fear what someone's gonna

think of me. And that's the other thing that's fear, like the fear of what are you going to think? What are people gonna say? Why? Why are we so led by fear and women like that? I feel like I let that go a long time ago. Yeah, I know again it's Monday for But that's why people love you, Gi because you are so like honest about your experiences and you don't hold back, like you let people know what it is. But I gave a j a whole headful in the airport where we were before we got

the plane. We flew back to Atlanta together and the same Actually, you know what's crazy, And not only did we fly back to Atlanta together, we sat right next to each other and it was not playing, so we were definitely be together. Guy. When you were leaving, I was like, y'all probably saying other no matter what happened, like in the car, like she jumped out the car and she was like, should I wait? And I said no,

they're having trouble with our luggage. She flies to the airport that of course we make it in time to wait for the gate where at the same gate, and then she's like, should I wait to get on? Like no, no, because I carried fifty tho things on the plane and get on the plane. I was like, really, she's being I was like, of course, perfect. Yeah. But I gave her a whole headful of, you know, just experiences that I had growing up, and like a lot of it was most of it was sexually. And she's like, girl,

and I'm like, it's a book, it's a movie. I'm just She's like, you're telling me all of this and I'm like, that's my life. These are my experiences. I have no problem talking about. To talk about it is if it affects somebody else, Like you're not gonna Yeah, there's a secret society, a trust. I'm gonna tell my truth,

but I'm never gonna tell your business. I want to say this too that I feel like I know for me, I got free talking to other women who are free, Like even with that oral sex class that we talked about, I went to that party like the fact that this woman was talking about it so freely it opened me up to talk about it freely. And I feel like, the more we are those examples, the more women are gonna say, oh, okay, there's power in that, there's freedom in that. And so I'm glad that we could be

an example. That's my lip service exists seriously, because your desires shouldn't necessarily define who you are. Like if you if you like something sexually, doesn't mean that you're a bad person, right, It just means that's something that you're interested. And and there's always some buddy that likes the saying ship Like, there's a lot of people a lot and the people that I feel bad for are the ones

who can't express it or feel like it's nasty. Those are the people that like end up because fear like crossing the line. And like you, they're like they're getting their nose, they're putting it in there. I just I

was I was skilling women and men. It's like, listen, you know, aside from the conversation I was commenting to some men, and I feel like this is important for them to hear, either through us as women or even just women together, is well what leads to that, like if you have a problem with it as a man, like I was saying, I'm a monogamous spirit by spirit

and by nature a monogamous. The problem is I got bored with the men that that I was trying to date, and so I felt like, okay, there's there's a lot of different facets to me as a person and as a woman, and in order for you to maintain my attention, you got to meet all those and if you can't, then I think it's okay for me to say I love that we work out and go bowling and travel together, and I love that, but I don't like and I do, and you don't like the beach, but I do, and

it's okay. But that doesn't mean I'm going to settle for no beach, no roller skating. So once again, like why is that a problem? Why is it okay? If if you're if you're okay with it as a man, and I'm okay with it, and there's another man that can go roller skating and bowling, then what's the problem. Why Why should I settle for one man that is

not meeting my twenty five meats? And I do feel like a lot of times women will be okay with their man having another woman and they accept that are like sometimes women don't even want to be in a situation where he's with other women with you, but they just do it because they feel like there's no other way. Or let's talk about the fact that a lot of times because I think men know that women don't like it.

So now we get into cheating because I was like, what's the difference between what you're doing what I'm doing. I'm just telling you to your face, I have two men, and if you want to meet them, and not that, not that we have to be in the same bed together, but the fact is there's more than just you. And I'm being honest with you. What you're doing is you're cheating by making me think we're monogamous and we're not.

And I think you even even comment on that stuff about you know, just you know, don't don't lie to my face, yes, you know, don't lie to me and then and then call me the hole. But I'm telling you I got I got two men. So people feel like men can't be host too. I've heard that what data biggest, no seri is that men cannot be home And that's the thing, right society has put it to the point where there are these labels, Oh well, that's

just how men are. You know, that's that's nature. Y'all know, y'all know that's me, right, I was always the all men cheat and that's just how they are, and it's in their nature. And get in the past and it gives. But guess what I found, the loyal, the committed, the man that proved me wrong. So now I sit here today like I was wrong. But it's men and women that continue to have that, like push that narrative forward. Right, So men have that ideas like, well, you know, I'm

a man, you know, that's just what we do. And then women too, so it kind of allows them to continue to do it. Meanwhile, they think women are supposed to be monogamy as were supposed to put up with this and be one with one man. So that's where the double standard continues. And I feel like also when women, women are expected to stay when a man cheats, because you're supposed to fight for your relationship, so you're not supposed to give us he's supposed to be right, supposed

to understand, Yeah, you're supposed to understand. Look, he's a powerful man. This is what happens. And you rather stay with the cheetah that you know than the one who you don't like. I've heard all of these everybody in my last relationship I went through. I might as well stay with him and deal with his bullshit. At least I know what I'm getting. Then try to deal with somebody else's bullshit. I did that. I want ask why, as women, are we constantly okay with putting ourselves in

position of tolerating. I'm tolerating that he's a cheater. I'm tolerating that he's the powerful one. I'm tolerating that I'm supposed to behave a certain way as opposed to But you're powerful. We're all powerful. So if we're powerful and we have options as women, then what is the man's

responsibility to understand? Not that i'm saying tipped for tad, but if we're women of power and of options, now what you know, I've got global options global So so again, if i'm if I'm dealing with like that, So I mean, if I'm if I'm meeting men and talking to men from all of the world and I love the conversation, No, no, no shame, But so so, bro from Detroit, what are you talking about? I'm not saying no, I'm just saying you've got to know who you're dealing with. You have

to bring conversation, you know what I mean. Listen, I've had excess come to me and my d m s and my text since our first talk. Can you please just say it's me? I'm like, you know what, ain't you? I know, but all my friends think it's me, So so okay, don't you have to say it's me? Because I said, well, what did you say when they asked you? I said maybe really the aftermath of the viral, It's like, let me ask you, this didn't bother you at all?

Like honestly, because I know sometimes like things can happen with me and people who don't know me be like, yeah she always was. I'm like, I don't even know you, but did it bother you at all? That so many people are commenting on something that you chose to share and having things to say, like the people who are really negative, did it get under your did? I gotta tell you because before our talk, I already decided that

my assignment is to teach. For example, I already know that that's what where life therapy comes from and couples retreat comes from. I already know that part of my assignment is to share and teach and shift the narrative. So if it was time for me to shift the narrative when it comes to a polyamorous relationship or monogamy versus not monogamy, I was open to it. And of course, like you, you know, I've been in this business for over twenty years, so I know there's gonna be yea

and nay. But my thing was, when you say nay, make sure it's intelligent, it makes sense. Don't don't come from me on my page because you're gonna get your feeling certain. Listen, right, it's educating. Like people say, don't explain yourself. It was. It's definitely more explanation and education. Yeah, because you wasn't like trying to embarrass people. You were just or insulting people or anything. Yeah, you know what

it is. Here's another limited mind frame. And this is a great example of a guy who made me think maybe there's two for me because I can't, you know, because I'm bored with one like him. And I was saying stuff like that, like you're a perfect example why I was born this mentality, this whole idea of I'm supposed to be a certain way because I'm a woman.

But when again, it's like you know, I would say, if you have not traveled the world, we can't even have a conversation brought you were bringing a butter knife to a cannon fight. I don't know, like like you know, I'm on my second book in a year, because they don't they don't replace pages anymore. Do you even know that about? No, I don't even know. They didn't get the book with the pages on it. But if not, you got to get a whole new, whole one. Yeah,

they don't even add pages anymore. So I mean, if you're not even yet, then we can what are we talking about? And I think also, once you're comfortable in your truth, you're able to come onto thisism more. I think that's it too, um, And I'm comfortable. I'm comfortable in my truth. I'm comfortable who I am and comfortable with my choices. I mean, there's nothing I regret, there's

no shame to my game. And so I think that's why it's like you know, and I also know that most people who are nay saying they've never had the experience, and they don't. I didn't seeing the pictures of the guys, and I think most but the women had an issue and some of the guys were I know, not the level. So it's okay, exact damn if you don't If you don't do something, it's going to be criticism. If you do something, it's going to be criticism. So you might

as well just do what makes you feel. But now let's talk about this. What's on our bucket list of things that we haven't done yet that we would like to do. I gotta be honest, you know, no, no, no, no, but these things that are happening are not necessarily like bucket list options. It's just that opportunities come. And like I said, I didn't know even that night that's going

to happen. Right, it was are the best time. But I do think that there are some things that were like, you know, it makes you think, like, what's something that I haven't done that I would like? Sexually? Sexually? Oh, sexually? What is something but have sex on my honeymoon? Tomato? Tomato? Know, I mean I probably had my period of honey If I had my period of my honeymoon, we laying down the time. Now you got to yeah, period right, right, um, what's on my bucket list to honestly stop faking it

so much. I'm I'm surprised at you. You fake it, You're not honest, like well, I mean, you know, see the way you would be like okay, honey, no, let me Yeah. Most of the time, I'm like, so, you know, so let's let's talk about it, because for me, it's like I don't want to be overbearing with directions, like I don't want to be the ways in the bed or the or the Google maths the bed. I don't want to be you know, a new app for how to how to please me? But at the same time

sexy GPS. Yeah, But at the same time, you know, there's men who are open to some guidance in direction. I think there's more men who need it. I think it depend how you can do it. I think it depends on how you do it too, because it's a sexy way to give guy instructions where it's not like GPS, where it's like oh yeah, I like when you do that, yes, do that more. Yet, you know what I'm saying, it

is how you say it too. I agree, I agree, But I think I'm like GPS like, turn up three minutes because you're doing something, and then he stops the rhythm he had and you was back and the rest of it everything, and then he changes and you're like, no, you go back, go back. I was right there. Now you guys got okay. So so question, do you feel like you have faked an orgasm more than you've actually

had one? Yes, take it Honestly, I'm not. I'm not into faking and faking it for the past few years ago, but in my younger years I used to feak it all the time just so I could be over. I don't I feel like that. I didn't enjoy sex as much as I do now now I'm not. I'm not going to have sex if I'm not enjoying it, if it's bad, I'm just I don't. But you can't enjoy sex. And still that's what I'm saying. I'm not I'm not

doing that. I'm not going to show. Oh no, I'm not doing if you didn't make me come, it's okay, I like it, Okay, I still enjoying my time. I'm not tired a bathroom and finished myself over right, because I think for me, I'm not that easy. To please or get it easily. Yeah, I don't, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm having bad sex. It's just doesn't mean the sex was bad. I've had great sex and haven't and didn't orgasm. And it's sometimes it's not even

the guy, it's me. It's just like complex, My body is not even stress is just and some people don't orgasm easily. And I think I've had some really simple sex where I did come, but it wasn't the best sex of my life. But my seas like cay, Right, I think I probably have maybe, like maybe I'll have pagasm about seventy percent of the time, do you Yeah, Because here's the thing about me, right, it's just hard.

I think when you're with somebody for a long time, they know how you so it could it also could feel really mechanical because they know if I do it in this position, it's gonna make you come, and so it might not be the most passionate, but they know how to make you. So when you are with someone

long term like that, who is the most creative? I think fresh I think I am because I find that like most guys that well, yeah, I'm the most creative because I feel like I be like super traditional until one thing that they got that they're good at, and then that's what they hit you with every time. They would do the same ship over and over again. Would you say I'm I'm very creative, but I think I'm the more spontaneous one, Like, hey, we're in the Carla suck.

They want to getting dick sucked and I didn't want to have sex and just stick it in and like hump, pump pump, and it's like no, sometimes you gotta slow, go fast, warm it up, switch positions. I'm really thinking about the bucket list, the sexual bucket list. Yeah, because there's some things like what let me saying, Well, I've never squared it. I would love to square Yeah, I've squired it. Second, because I was thinking about who it was and I was like, yeah, but not a lot.

You know, how many times do you think maybe I mean same person twice but not not so twice in your life? Yeah, and say you haven't done it at all, same person? Wow, you do it? I mean, you know you know listen, y'all know my marathon squirt story. Yeah, somebody squared it again. The town that was impeccable but why, why is it? Why is it a thing for you?

Because it seems it would be amazing, Like I always tear people talk about it and it's like some like they can't control that, and and and they say every woman can do it, and I've never done it. But I don't know what to do for you to squirt. I know how to make you do it. Come in, not know just the next time you have sex, drink a whole one liader of every because I think having sex, I would be like, we're talking about pea squirt though. I was just watching this, um, I was just watching

this YouTube. Google what is what squirting really is? And they said that the porn there was a porn starr and they that's how they squirt so much in the porn. They drink a lot of I don't want to. I don't want to have to pee. I hate having to p during sex. They like because that's what it feels because right before you square, you can feel a bladder.

So you've like, O me too. Yeah, I feel like I drink the mixture one of liter of What about about I am going to say that every time, like not every time I squired it, but when I had that marathon squirt session a lot of water. I was drinking a lot of tequila. Oh yeah, it was the nineteen two Okay you want to say, I'm want to say, prior to that one guy that I had that marathon squirt session with, shout out to you. Yeah, I mean he wears the crown. Not the best sex I've ever had, sorry,

but the best. But I squired it like a million times, like in period. I think it was the two Well no, um, he figured out how to do it and then he just I called it dropped the pen like he dropped the pen, and then he just went right back, went right back back. I was squirting back to back to back. But prior to that, I thought that I couldn't do it because I had never done it. So well, no, I did do it, but I didn't know I did it. So I squirted on my baby daddy and neither he

was kids, so neither one of us knew what it was. Right. He's like a long time ago. No, Yeah, he's like no, I was sixteen and he's like, you pead on me, and I'm like, no, I didn't. And then when I became an adult and I learned what squirt was. I was like, oh, I squirted. He was squirting before square and had a name right before. So you feel like there's such a thing as having that deep of an orgasm. But it's not with great sex always. Oh it was. I'm thinking it was very that makes it great? That

does that make it great? Because you said it was you said the sex was okay. No, no, no, I say he wears the crown for the amount of times that I like he made me. He's like squirt master flex like he made me squirt, so does so? Does squirt equal great sex? It's a very intense orgasm. Yeah, it's very it was a great sex for you. I've made myself squirt from my vibrator. Yeah, so if I

could do it myself, this is amazing. It's amazing. It's like it's like it's like you cannot you cannot hold it back, like it's gonna there's no and you don't like it though, question Now I hate it, like getting fucked and it's like splashing it every every question. It's like Stephanie projects. I know Stephanie said that you could feel your bladder fould right, Like when that's happening, are you wondering if that's pete or squirt, Like, how do

you know the difference. I know what's squirted because I know it's gonna come. Yeah, and it's like I'm holding it and I'm like, oh god, I don't want to happen. Yeah, because I squirted before a couple of times. But you feel like you had to be yeah, you can't hold it no more. And then yeah, you just gotta hope it because I feel like about the like I have to pee, I'm gonna be that. Excuse me, I gotta

right to me. It doesn't feel like pee. It's a sensation close to it, because if you never squired it, you think it's gonna be pete. Huh. And then this boom because it's not gonna feel good to me. It doesn't feel good to me when I got a pee that it don't even know I'm missing anything, the worre. And then after I learned that I could do it, now, I learned like, Okay, don't do it because it's gonna be squared. Like he like saved me. Where was that? And I the one guy I was really comfortable with,

And I think that's part of it. I was so relaxed and so comfortable with him that he knew what he was doing, so it was easy for me to relax. So you can get out of your head with capricorns. W our head a lot about most or some shrooms, but I think that's part. I think that's part of what happened for me, is that I was just not in my head and relax and come after balling. Yeah, because I feel like it's not like I ever tried to stop myself from squirting, but there are times and

I legitimately had to pee. It didn't feel like I was about to orgasm. I really felt like I gotta pee, and I have stopped sex to be like, excuse me, I gotta pee. You know now you was trobingly about the goal. No, I don't think. It didn't feel like that. It felt like it was preventing me from enjoying sex because I had to feel like but it felt like you had to orgasm, like you had to squirt, but it didn't feel like an orgasm. Every time I felt

like a fireworks. How about you stuff for me? Um. The thing about me when I score it is it doesn't it doesn't always have to come with an orgasm, right, that's what I'm saying. It's just splash, So that's what I'm saying. Sometimes you could have. It's like there's times that you know and it's in a certain position with position,

it's in the position with your legs up on his shoulders. Yeah, so you know that, right, and just happens like and it's like I'm not coming and they're like, oh you came, and I'm like, no, I didn't, Bros. That's what I was saying. And sometimes it might not feel like it's an orgasm for you, but you still might. Almost I

felt like, I feel like I'm gonna square. Next time you feel like you gotta pee, just let it loose, but just make sure it's not in your own it's it's gonna Honestly, when I feel like I have to pee, it makes me not enjoy sex. I just feel like I'm about to pee, like I don't want to peeking my bladder. Does he know you've never squirted ya? How does he feel about it? I mean orgasm? So I think that's fine, Like that's still great. I just haven't squirted it. So there's something left for you to do

in this long term or take relationship. Yeah, So how does that work when when you're in a long term because I haven't had the long ones, when you're in a longest relationship you've been in, Um, honestly, it's been a lot of off and on. It's been years, but off and on not not still the longest steady probably a year and a half. That was the same man for over ten years, and he never made me squirk.

That's why I thought I couldn't do it. I was with someone for eight almost eight years, and when he discovered the ark score and he knew how to get it done, he just wanted to do whatever. I'm telling you. The guy didn't like her and were tested and I'm not gonna lie my son's fall. He used to do it with the dick at his hands like this, and exactly what happened. If I can orgasm, because I've heard women say they can't orgasm, So I'm glad that that's

not hard for me, you know. So that's fine, But I will say when I do, I could really only do it once and then I need a break like the dream like a guy. Yeah, I could come one time and then it might take me like twenty minutes oh my god. The other day. I mean usually after I come, like I can have sex, but it's like like like sex, that's like, you know, because I just came, I could really go to seed and come. I want you to carry up and come right after. I'm not

oh my god. The other day, I'm getting my pussy a. I come and he don't stop, and I'm like fighting him like so, and he always kept going and I scored it. That is that is that what's next? In that feeling of get off me, get off me. I didn't know I was gonna squirt, but I did. I scored it the first time too, and he's just so nasty. Light it in his face, but you're like a consistent squirter that the second time, like right before I came,

I was like, I'm gonna squirt. Got a squirt and he moved and it was like, oh man, and that moved if I said, just going his face, yeah, I get this shower. It made me come again and I was just like dad, so I anymore. After that, I was having sex with this guy from the back and he made me squirt and I turned around and he was gargling it. He caught it in his Now they liked it, and he was like like squirting like it in their fallow. He caught it in his mouth and

was like, for sure, it's amazing. I think it was swallow like sporting will shower in that ship, like they wanted all on their face, like they wanted to like drip down their beer, and they're like, it's like the little toy that you get out of the cracker jackbox. I like. I like. I like when a guy comes up and white ain't comes to kiss me, I think he's my pussy. It's like, I don't mind how this guy was gargling your squirt. What did you say? Okay? But I said it, yeah, but I said in a

sexy way, like you nasty and I like you. I think that was kind of alright. I said my thing. Now what about the yeah, I'm still thinking that you're done me too. I don't got no bucket. I didn't done it. You've done it all. You haven't not done y'all know. I haven't done it all done ing. I feel like we've had people on here. You're like, okay,

they don't do more than me having suck toes. I have really right, that's so like, that's not like mediocre, right menstos, Yeah, I mean too, you are very I'll never putting no toes. In my mind, I would massage his feet, but I would not. I've never sucker man, and I like getting my out. They like it, but they like it. I'm just like my boyfriend, Yeah, suck. I'm like, how about nipples, Well, yeah, guys like their nipples. Guys, guess what I just got my nipples pears? You did

did hurt? No? Really? I mean my my pain threat shoulders a little high. I'm a freaking nature, so I like, but she likes got your first time getting No. I had them pears back when I was dancing, when I had my old titties. But when I when I got my new tip, not the new one. I had to take them out for the surgery, and my best friend was like, bitch, dumputing the back end. It's like putting the bump stick on Bentley. So I didn't put them back in. But um, it's like putting a bumper stick.

That's what she said. That's what she said. But because my new titties was so fabulous compared to my old titties, right, But it was actually a Valentine's stay, part of my boyfriend's Valentine's they give because he was well. He didn't say he wanted it, but in the regular conversation months ago he told me that it was something that he liked. So I remembered that and it was part of his So what do you say he loved it? Okay, when you get your nipples pears, do you do one at

a time or both one? And yeah, just like a person, really did you get them? Done them both at the same time? Like it's just stimulating when he plays? But how does that work for you? Are you? Are you a fair of your nipples being played with and everything? So let me tell y'all. Every time I got my first is redone my sensitation really because some people it gets rid of their saying no, no, no, my more. Same of my birth, and my nipples got so much more pensive. So right now my nipples are hard off

fucking day. And the first couple of days I was so wet, really yeah, until they healed, like the first couple of days you love pain. I was what its fun? Like? Crazy thing is I was trying to hide it from him because it was a surprise. I got it done. Like two weeks with Valentine's Day, you wanted to be here, and yeah, I wanted them to be nice to hell for him when he saw them, so he can actually enjoy them. And just by coincidence, we didn't see each other during that time. But I had a whole lot

of fun by myself. Okay, well there you go, thinking you didn't come with anything either, bucking list. I feel like there's a lot I haven't done, Like I wish I enjoyed anal. I've never done anal. I mean I've tried, it didn't work. I feel like I would like to enjoy everything. Yeah, me too. I think I'm open to stuff if it's the right person, you know what I mean. If it's someone that is open to like different experiences, the spontaneous, for sure. I would try. People who like

ant like people who love an't know love it. Yeah, Like I've heard people be like that is the best orgasm, Like that is the only way I can come. I don't think I love it, but I'll do it. It's something to do it. But the people who are like that is my favorite thing. I don't love it, but I'll do it. Listen, I know this childhood. One of my childhood best friends. She that's her favorite way to have sucks. Yeah, listen, I know this girl. Her husband does not know that she loves that, and she has

never told me, and he's never done it. I don't get that. You know, there are some men that think their wife is supposed to be like very like like the way that we're supposed to be quote unquote supposed to be like really conservative, and they don't want to look at their wife in that way. And that's how her husbands because he doesn't want her to be a freak. And a lot of men I feel like that are like that are hollering at the more freak women, cheating

with the freak and cheating with the horse. That's why he'd be watching porn in the other room, but care her and watching for in the other room. Yeah, and she's like, but he doesn't want to do none of those things. I think, I know what friend you talking about.

We talked about that. But you know, those situations are interesting because maybe he feels like he has to be conservative, so he's also afraid to just in general, she doesn't want him to know that she liked it because they've never done it, so she feels like if she's funding out him now, it's gonna seem weird. Yeah, you know, because sometimes are there things that you would be scared to tell a guy that you like. I don't think

it's at this point. Yeah, no, and scared? Why though, to keep coming back to that, Why would there be fear? Fear of rejection? I used to not be scared, but I used to hold back from telling guys that I like to have sex with girls. You do, you wouldn't tell them that. I would not tell him, let's ask because it wasn't really as accepted before. And I also had a guy break up with me for it. So

he actually literally court me in bed with one my friends. Well, it's probably more because of that, and he broke and not because you like women, but because he's competing where he can't compete, you know what I mean? Quite you with one of your friends. He literally walked in like, oh this is what you're doing. Oh your scissoring in here? I probably laugh and kept going that time, you're telling

the story wrong. He didn't break up with you because you like women with you because he walked on sis. That's probably what if you're walking on your boyfriend with another guy. We can't have double standards, now, no, we cannot. You cannot have double standards. This is a no judgment zone. But yeah, no, I can't. What you said, you can't compete when you can't come. But I'm not competing with penis. So I don't have a penis that we can't. It's not a fair fight. Yeah, it's not. That's a different

level of pleasure. Yeah, I can't me and I can buy one, and I got one of my door. Actually I can't get you think, Okay, so is that a breaking like what if you walked in on your dude with another guy or what if he told you like every now and then every now and then, Like, yeah, that's no different pasure and again no judgment. It's just not my thing, right, Like, that's gonna have to be with someone else. That's that's the bottom. You can't compete with it, right, Well, you know, like I don't have

a Somebody has sent in a question. Okay, so he said, long story short, I've always cheated on every woman I've been with. I had to come to Jesus moment and would like to no longer be a cheater with this new girl I started dating, but I just don't know how to be monogamous. Please help. It's a choice. Make the choice. Cut off all your other holes, all your

other girls. But if you feel something, you would ask this because if this is how he's been his whole life, and maybe things that he's seen around him, and you know society has programmed men. I feel like the only way to get out of being a cheater to stop being if you want to be faithful and stop being unfaithful, it's prioritize this person when something is your priority. You don't violate that because when you when you go against

your own priorities, you're going against yourself. So if you really feel like it's time that this is a time where you want to be faithful, you want to be monogamous, you have to turn this person into a priority. Should you tell her like, I've always cheated and I really want to make sure in this situation this doesn't happen, nty. That just opens up the door for more realness, more honesty. But people confuse love and monogamy as if they are

the same thing, and love is not monogamy. Love does love as a feeling monogamy something Okay, So if somebody cheats on you, you think they still love you, it's monoga be your choice for men, you mean or period period, period, It's not. It's a feeling. Love is a feeling. Love as an emotion, you choose to only be with one person, like lying and cheating. You don't think that that means

that that's not really love. I feel like you can love somebody and do you know and when they only get hurt if they find out what I feel like when you're not a person, when you're not a person, um if they want and your friend when you're not the person, when you don't have you know, that discipline and you like just just for an example as an example, you know, like I know that I'm not the same person today that I was before I decided to give my life to my faith, you know what I mean?

So when like a person like me who before I didn't have this, I didn't have this discipline in me, I didn't have this thing about me that made me want to do better, you know what I mean. I still love myself, I still love the people that I was around, but I just didn't honor myself or honor God enough to not go against these things, you know what I mean. So I just feel like you could

love somebody, you're just not honoring them correctly. You know, you can still love someone and cheat on them because you're falling into a temptation. You know what, I have to do more about yourself than sometimes I don't. I don't want to get into the god called the faith conversation. But you know, it's all about how you're using your free will. Like I said before, I'm I'm monogamous by spirit. I don't know if it's a choice for me. I think, right,

that's just the way you have. Where I want to be, and that's who you are. My choice and where I'm happiest is with one man. When I think of love, I don't think of love with many men. I think of love with a man. But I feel like, back to the question, I feel like monogamy is a choice for men. I feel like men are not monogamous unless it's a choice. I don't feel like it's a natural thing for men like it. It's definitely more natural for women.

I also feel like for men, they become anogamous when they go through a bunch of ships and they like, you know, they gotta get it out their system. Yeah. Well no, I mean when there's some life changing things happen, they realize people not in their corner, like they think, almost died. But what about what about person was there for me? But what about the men who are monogamous because there are many rooms there are on what was that about? Is that just because of maybe their upbringing

or their beliefs? I think so, yeah, because men are not just one way, you know, yeah, just like women aren't at all. And again I'm going back to the global thing, you know, meeting men around the world. A lot of the men that I've met that are really truly monogamous is because they've been And um, let's talk about like I said, Synegal, which is a Muslim country I visited during Ramadan, and they were praying four times a day. That man has been praying since that way,

since he was ten years old. This is what I'm talking. He's going to be a different man at twenty five than you know, a man from Chattanooga. So not not more or less, just different. Different, and so so again he's raised with a certain level of and and women my girlfriend and he's Pujabi, and I've been lead that a lot of the way, a lot of his ways come from his culture and his face. Absolutely, that's how

That's what I feel. I feel like, like getting back to the question, like, if you want, you know, try to go to church, you know, figure out what religion you want to do, and find that discipline and yourself to honor something or make this woman your church prioritize her honor and you won't cheat. If you have respect for yourself and your priorities, you won't cheat it. And I feel like and I feel like men of men who honor God, it's more likely that they're gonna honor you.

It's just a higher possibility, yes, because there's a different level of values and morals and um and a different level of discipline and focus. How do you feel about like a guy being all up under you all the time? Do you like that or do you not like it? Like I love it to like hate it? Same because I'm hella clingy and affectionate and I'm taying all times we got a whole hands and I'm like, but then but then I want to I want my space. Yeah, but then we haven't been in my house, I'm going home.

Everywhere you go, he wants to go with you. And you know, if you're in the house, he's like all up in whatever room you're in, he's right there with you. He's texting you all day if you're not there, always checking in. I think there's levels because because I'm definitely clingy, right, Like, I want someone that does pay attention to me, that does communicate, because there are men that barely will text you, and you crave that, right, You crave that attention and

that affection and just that intimacy. So I think as long as you have your own thing going on, and you're able to have your friends and your life, you're making your money, but you want to be around me, that's going to turn me on more now if you I did. When I was younger, I was dating someone like that, and I felt like I started going to college. I was, you know, hanging with my friends, doing a lot of things, and he just wanted to be a super home body, which I wasn't upset about. But then

he wasn't going to school. He was kind of lazy in so many areas, and that's when I kind of was like, all right, Like I can't be elevating in this way, and you're kind of stagnant in that way. We're growing apart, So in that sense it's not good. But if you love me and want to spend time with me, but you still got your life, I love that. I'm gonna my bucket list. But it's not just sex.

It's not just I would love to find a man that is as complex and as diverse in what he likes and what I like life life wise, not just sex, but life wise. Like I said, I have everything, like different foods, you know, guys who don't be like going to try. Oh I don't eat Indian food though I don't eat all of that. Yeah, yeah, please come in Africa with me talking about worst KFC. You know what

I mean. So so so that's all my bucket list, to actually find someone who is as diverse and complex and respecting of it and turned on by it like I am, so that we can enjoy so much. Yeah, and girl, and I want to learn from you too, because I don't want to be the one that's always bringing up. Let me ask you this, have you ever dated a guy who was so good on paper and you wanted to like him? And you just couldn't. That's the story of my life. I mean, that's the story

of my life. Well, and he was we were talking on another episode. We talked about like, when was the last time you were impressed? And I thought about it. I didn't answer it, and I thought about it. And the last guy who really impressed me perfect on paper, swept me off my feet, but the real him was just trash. It's harder now with social media and he's car but he got like something, there's a tick in

his brain. That's something good person. I love him to stuf, God bless him, but it's just a sick in his brain. How much of that list is your sexual attraction? Like for me, I'm not. I'm not just the physical attractor anymore. Like he can be fine and sexy, but they're still

gotta you gotta make me laugh. Yeah, there's got to be something more than you just fine and what you could be fine, and I could not be sexually attracted to you, and you could be like, well other people might say funny looking, and I could be attracted to you.

It's just what you like. Yeah, Yeah, there's gotta be it's it's it's personality and characteristics and just chemistry for me because I feel like intelligent and s's a humor go hand in hand for somebody to be smart and funny, Like if you're to be really funny, you have to be really smart too. That I feel like, yes, because a lot of men don't understand that that intellectual turn on it. I mean, it's brain for me. I need to be mentally stimulated. Of course, I like to learn

from my man. But when I was when I was out to have a six pack, when I was, yeah, definitely definitely needs a man with stomachs um. When I was saying with these past two years. During that time, I briefly dated a guy and I had to like fall back from him because of his lack of intelligence that only last for so long, Like that was the thing with him. He just was the dummy, And I was just like, I'm way too smart, I'm way too intelligence. Why don't they know that though? Why don't they know?

Why do they think it's other things? Like I've had men think oh, because I didn't have enough money. No, it's because intellectually we weren't weren't not that smart. Well, they know they're diating a smart woman but they don't know that they I think most guys think they're smart, even if they're not. Thing. It's an ego thing. Girl. I'm just saying this guy thought he was smart. He probably watched it, so I don't want to say too much, but he would but he would ask me like general

knowledge questions like well, what is that up? And I'm like, how do you not know that? There's certain things that turned me off, like I definitely want a guy that has a great personality, like I need mental stimulation, because again, you could be attractive when you could be dumb, I would be like, not funny, uninteresting. There was this one guy I was seeing and it was a super casual situation. But I'm private about my ship, you know what I mean. I don't need to go out there and tell nobody

on with you. I don't I'm a grown woman, you know what I mean. We can have our situation. And I didn't like the fact that he kind of was like out there about us, you know what I mean, Like we wasn't exclusive, but but he was saty. Don't be chatty because that's a turn off. How do you know, I want people to know with you? You know, he was proud. I love that kind of like he was proud. It wasn't even necessarily proud. I think it was boastful.

I think it was ego. I think it was arrogant, like you know something, will be like, yeah, don't don't. I'm quick to cut you off because how you want people don't know? I know you would you lying and be like no, it depends like I don't ever mind being honest. But that's what I mean. We're both in the situation. So you're a part of this story, so you have your own narrative. But who's to say I want you to be spreading my information on my business,

you know what I mean? And then in a way where I don't know how you're saying it, so I know how people are taking look at me, you know what I mean. That's and then people coming in with the wrong interpretation, and he's just like, turn off, goodbye. Dick. Wasn't even that great, Okay. So I do think intelligence and sense of humor like right at the top. But

attraction does matter. And when I say attraction, it doesn't necessarily mean you gotta have a six pack, right, right, that's definitely right, But I have to be attracted to you and somebody, and there's certain things I'm attracted to physically, Like I like a guy he don't have to have a six pack, but I tend to like guys who are more lean six pack. She's like, I don't, but I don't even like guys are really buff and must

feel like that. I don't like big guys period. Like I like guys that are kind of like you like the lean muscle, not the chunky. Yeah. I like guys who are just lean and then physically that's what I'm attracted to. I I actually am more attracted to the chunky guys. Believe it or not. Most people are surprised because I'm so into fitness and he'll be living there. Like, really, you like the chunky guy. I mean he has more to talk about. Most time, he's funny. You know, he's

not about him. I mean a lot of times the muscle, the muscle guys. It's like, you know, once you talk about how you workout was today, there's that intellectual thing. It's like what we're gonna talk about talk about? It's not a lot else happening, but you know what time you're working out tomorrow. See that's not fair because you work out all the time. I work out enough for both of us to talk about. But thank god I got other ship to talk about. Right, It's not just

about fitness and that's they've been working out. Yeah, there's definitely guys like if they're super into fitness and they're like buff, that gets to their heads. Oh my god. My ex boyfriend had to go to the gym every single day and one year on my birthday, he was he was dying. I was like, Okay, what time are we going? He was like, well, you know after where I got in, you're not going to skip the gym for one day to take me out. It was leg day. Okay.

I was so haritated. I was like, but he was he was not playing, like he really did go to the gym every single day and you're not going to skip the gym on my birthday so that we can go out earlier because I have to get up early for work. You know. It's so so I want to hear like, Okay, you're your your body. They don't have to be buff. No, what's your favorite body part? Well,

besides that peanuts like hands? Yeah, I like arms, I like a little like you know, you can see a little like the shoulder shoulder suit, but but right that different but even just a strong posture right like where

you have like a good chest, good shoulders. You know, Like, have you ever did a guy who had like no ask at all, like his ask because I gotta have like a little you know, a little something something they do spots day with athletic body types, but sometimes you find that, you know, they just don't have asked jeans. So it's like like their genetics and the ass area.

It is just like a muscle and it's small and it's high and it's not but it can't be like a soggy I'm not gonna I've never been with anybody with a saw. I not that's I'm not into like looking at guy's asses. But there's definitely been a couple of guys in the past where they had, you know, like some structure and I was like, okay, oh my god, I'll never forget the first time, the first time I was with a guy who just came out of jail, right, Okay, it's just like seven years. You know that his body

was crazy. You know what I like, you know what I like on the man no, but listen, listen. The first time we have sex, he did these incredible acrobatic moves on me. I was like, wow, he me on the bed and I'm just there like dead, like lying, and he goes to get the rag and I'm watching him as he goes to the bathroom, and I was like because his body was like a statue, like he had those muscular thought yes, his back was. I was like, and when he came back out to like put my job,

like you again, gootiful? Can you go rint off this room? Like, oh look, I threw the drag pott. No. I swear he was so let's not skip over that. This is one of my first boyfriends. Is the first person I ever was engaged to. He he told the first person I ever say to. It's a crazy description this this per no. But and I was a kid and he um. He used to bring me breakfast and bad he used to He taught me how to cook. He used to cook for me all the time we used to be

having sex and give me four head kisses. I swear, I swear he was so. He was so catering, like he was just so grateful with some be with somebody who had never been with too many guys like you could sell like I was really young, and he felt like I was really pure. He just wanted to treat me really good. For like three months. That night he became yeah, for like three months. Then he became really ambusus.

But listen, I know we have to go back. I question tell us no. One of the questions I was gonna ask, is is there anything that you are afraid to say that is really your truth with with your when you're with someone or just period and you're life when you're really with somebody. Is there anything like you've been a long term relationship? Is there anything you're afraid to say to tell her husband? And she likes, like like that something I'm afraid to tell the guys that

I date. You know, I just switched and when i'm I'm even the guy I was with last It was an on and off thing, like you said, for five years, six years almost, and I'm scared to tell him I want to get married really because I'm not sure if I want to marry him, and I'm definitely not sure if I want to marry the new one, But it's like I do want to get married and it's something that I feel like I should be able to do. But that's the thing, and I don't watch. I don't

want to bring up that conversation. And then this this man thinks that I want to marry him. If you tell the guy I want to get married, he's so I can't have that conversation. Is it with everybody that you date? Or are you afraid to talk about with

my acts? We have spoken about marriage because he brought it up because he wanted he's talking about it, and I'll be like, Okay, we'll have this conversation, but it's not I don't ever want it because I don't want them to get nervous like, oh, she just wants to get married, she's trying to get me to marry her. Or I don't want to. I don't right, and I don't ring from you. I don't want to get married.

I didn't mean tomorrow like you should tell somebody you want to get married and listen to them, right, But I mean I generally want to get married. I just don't know to who yet. How about you? Is this

something that you're afraid to say? Um? I think for me in general, it's probably expressing my needs in a relationship, whatever that is, because I think I'm honestly, I'm used to just settling for what I get because I've never actually seen I've never actually seen what true love is, you know, So I deal with what comes with the bullshit and I kind of try to like, okay, well, and you know, being single and going through a self love journey of myself, I've realized like I have to

be honest about what I need, like if I want monogamy, if I want this or that, I have to not be afraid to express it, because why am I afraid to say what I need in order to just deal with the bare minimum and be I feel like, you know, letting somebody have sex with you, you should be able to tell them for sure. And I think it's just fear, right, I think subconsciously it's fear of rejection or fear of somebody maybe not being able to give you what you want.

But we're not wanting to. But I've learned that if you don't want you, then you're not the person for me, because I feel like you got to lay it out there and be like, if our needs are not aligned and I am not still gonna work with you or not. And I think I've gotten better at that, right because I've gotten more confident in just like, Okay, if you're not the person, you're not the person, you know what

I mean, Like I'm changing the narrative for myself. So yeah, and it's you know, it's been while because again I've never had those like real experiences of what true love and relations, real good relationships are, you know. So I've kind of just settled for whatever I could get because this is how men are, or this is what we should settle for as women. Say. Now I'm like, funk that if you can't give me what I need, you gotta go because I'm no longer settling and being unhappy

but giving you what you want. That's the mentality that led to our conversation first time. It's like, no more settling, no more settling, no more sacrifice. If you can't handle what my truth is, then that just means we're great friends. But yeah, we can't be more than that. If you if my if my truth upsets you, intimidates you, or makes you feel any kind of way outside of wanting to help please me, then what do we have? Because we have to accept men's truth, right, like not have to,

but that's what society has painted on us. And I feel like we're better at it accepting. I do too, Yeah, we're better at it. We're like, okay, we at it, you know, settling no more? All right, So that's the goal, No more settling, no more, No more settling, no more. And that I don't know if we should tell Stephanie to express that she wants to get married or not, but I vote, unless that's who you want to marry,

just keep it going right, right. But I think just the idea of marriage in general, what you want, right. You're not essentially saying that that's the person you want to marry, but that's what you see for your future, you know what I mean. But and and that's um because I feel if he proposed to you and you don't want to marry him because he thinks that's what you want, and that's how I try to deliver that news. Like,

here's the thing. I feel like in my previous relationships, I was too cool, you know, like accepting bullshit, too too nice about too forgiving. And I don't think there's anything wrong with forgiving. I think forgiving is very needed for everything. You can't stay upset with people. But I just feel like now I'm not on that now. It's it's more like I'm doing all of this for myself.

What you got, you know, And if you ain't, if you don't have, if you don't have anything to bring to my table, because it's my table we're talking about here, then you're not invited. You can't exactly, you can't you have that right bring the tables, like just you know, I just I don't feel like at this point when I even start with with guys, I'm right at the door, like what what you what? What are we doing? Like, because we're not gonna just be hanging out in the house.

Are we going on vacations or not? If not, I'm cool. I'd rather just be by myself anymore. Yeah, I think my boyfriend be like scared to mess up with me, Like he'd be nervous and scared to mess up. When you lay down your rules, people have no choice. That's love and respect when you're when you're afraid to to mess up with somebody, fraid to light to them, fraid to I mean, that's that's love, respect and honor. Like

you said, I love that I let him know. I thought you were tired of walking on eggshells, you know, But I'm you know, I'm super chill. But I do feel like, because I'm so chill, when I get mad, I get so mad that it's like sometimes there's no going back because I'm not I'm not like I don't get mad at little things, and I let a lot of stuff slide. But if you try it too much, it's like to the point in the return. So we got to do this retreat. I know. Listen, we're planning it.

Details to come, yes, okay, because a j and Live Service are going to be doing a joint retreat for us all. And like we said, every woman bring two men. Didn't. But I do appreciate you so much because I know you just got back from your retreat and St. Thomas and I know we wanted to address this because this was going crazy if he wanted you earlier, you know, on social media. But I do appreciate you for being honest and being being able to express yourself no matter

what idiots have to say about it online. And it did open up a conversation. And I love seeing the support from people like that part. I love but I also know that a lot of judgment comes in doing what we do and I'm used to it. I'm up for it. You know. I see people commenting on the why are y'all talking about this? Well, guess what. Sex is a huge part of society. How did you not talk about And it's helping somebody. Yeah, it's helping somebody

and it's fun. Like, honestly, there's nothing wrong with having a good time having the discussions that we have had these conversations with my friends, not on you know, not on the service, on live service, and so we are not ashamed to discuss these and how many people have don't have these conversations in private and are afraid to have them in public because they're afraid to be shamed. For a lot of my friends that I wasn't having with them and they were like, you know, now they

want to talk to me. That's a plus. And I'm sure there's a lot of women who are now wanting to talk I know, I my dms are full of women want to talk about it. Retreats fault. So I think it's so so I think it's it's great that we that together we open up the conversation and thank you for having me back to continue. We love you back again. Listen right when you see here, miss Bee, gonna learn how to square. If you've never dine here, sex have a class, you sign up class squirt from

a guy with a six pass. Sex back, honey, and if you is my cold teacher, right, you're going to swallow. We're planning this, so let's get it together the time. Miss A J. Johnson always a pleasure on live service. Yes,