Episode 340: 50th Birthday Special (Feat. AJ Johnson)

they don't want to know they can't handle. Have you have men ever told you that they don't want to know, Like, not not necessarily your man, but just men. Have they told you if you were if a woman that they were interested with cheating, they wouldn't want to know. So when I'm talking to now he um he's a friend of mine, and I tell him, I'm like, yo, your girl don't mind you coming home four or five, six in the morning. He's like no. I was like, what about her? Do you want? He was like, I don't

ask no questions. What are you talking to? You met you no, I'm not talking to him, said when I look at too, you know, but yeah, I was like, she doesn't mind. He's like no, I'm like, do you ask her questions? He's like, no, I don't want to want to know. What you think that is? They can't take it. They can dish it, but they can't because they know what they're doing, and so they also don't want you to ask them too many questions. I think that's part of it, Like I'm doing what I'm doing.

If if I start asking you questions and then you start asking me questions, now I gotta tell my ship too. Do you feel like that's an element of like not being truthful and honest or do you feel like I just don't want to know, means I just don't want to know, You know what I mean? I feel like I don't want I just don't want to know. Means I just don't want to know. I feel like not telling us better than lying. Do you do you feel

the same way I don't want to know. I don't want to, Like, I'm not the type of person who's gonna look through a phone or try to find things that I'm not aren't supposed to you know, force things into my eyes. Yeah, it's that whole which you don't know won't hurt you. Yeah, I like that. But here right, but here's the thing. Once I do find out anything, now,

I want to every detail. So I see, I probably rather not because I'm gonna go obsessively crazy but trying to figure every little part of it out rather But here's my thoughts on it. Right, if I feel like you're doing something, then you're not doing it very good and I want to know. However, if I feel like everything is smooth and I don't feel like you're doing anything, I won't go looking for it. I was gonna say. We kind of talked about this we were on the

show because I feel the same way. It's like, if I don't feel a picture my soul and I think everything's fine, then I don't go looking. But sometimes I've had that that I think everything's fine and it wasn't fine, I don't go looking. But at the same time, I just kind of feel like, if I'm comfortable and I feel like you're being honest, then I'm just gonna ride with that. Yeah, because you know they always say if you go looking for something, you're fine. Yeah, because I mean,

I don't go through phones. I don't like to go and I tell guys don't go through my phone because when you look for something and you're gonna find it, it may not be anything, but because you're making I'm not giving about my phone here, you couldn't look through it. But that's me being ignorant, because every time a guy has looked through my phone, even when I think it's everything and there is harmless, they find something because you're

looking for about so you're manifesting something. But then I added, too, if you look through my phone, I've had it happened to me two times, right, I had two different guys ever in my life that I know of, look through my phone. It kind of feels like such a violationship because there's stuffinite that might not have nothing to do with you. But you don't need to be seeing all my business or my friends business too, that they may

not want you to know. Now you know all this stuff that was none of your business because you went through my phone. You didn't want to say as a new year thing, what would you say, and I'm asking this just as girlfriends, what would you say would be the new thing? You would add to your relationship to

keep it honest and open open meaning open communication. If there's something new that you would add like like, you wouldn't you wouldn't want anybody looking at your in the phone, right right, But is there something new in the new year that you would say, this is going to add to our connection, this is going to add to our communication. What would it be something new for myself? I don't know, very like I could tend to be very private about my finances sometimes and I don't know that that's but

I'm also not married. But would you were open if I was married? Yeah? But about now? I also feel like in general, not right now, just I talk about some things but not everything. But I also feel like everybody doesn't need to know everything about what's going on with you financially, you know, because sometimes people think like Adie are doing really well. You're not doing as well as they, you know, my thought you were. But when people feel like you have money, they feel like more

entitled to things. I feel like too, how about you guys? Or they feel like you don't need need help? Yeah, they feel like you don't. I can't do anything here me too. I'm actually in a semi new relationship. I don't know, it's like seven eight months and but new compared to my past. And it's weird because I feel like we're so our communication is so on point, and we're so like, do you just talk about this everything anything that I can't even think of anything besides like

maybe finances. But again, do you know his credit score? No, but I know it's really good, or like, you know how much he has in the bank, how much he makes it? Does you know yours? Because I saw when he doesn't know about finances that being the number one reason that he knows my credit score because we're working on some real estate business together. So we talked about that type of thing, and I know that he mean, he's like very well off, so I know that his

things are in order. So that's kind of like, uh, because sometimes we also assume things are in order. I had a um somebody who I grew up with, and her father passed away, and they seen they her family was about off, but they didn't know he didn't have it to get there like they thought he did. And

now yeah, we're here. Because sometimes people seem like they got it together, but they don't have life insurance, or they don't have that savings, or they don't have a plan, and so while they're here, they're bringing in the money. But then and if anything got left to the people you think it's left to, it gets real deep. And spending habits are important to if people are aligned, Like some people are more flussy about what they might buy

and what's important. And I have I know people who buy their own clothes at Target because you know, they're thrifty because they have kids that they're sending to school,

paying for education. But then the husband goes down and buys the flat screen TV in a brand new car, you know, So it is important to talk about those things and see how the lines you are so you didn't come up with your you know, I'm sitting here listening and thinking, and y'all got quiet on me, some waiting for you too, because I'm gonna be honest, I think, you know, because my whole big thing is new in the new year, like not only just you know, on the show, but with my own life and these nets

I'm doing. And I gotta be honest, I think I'm more open to less monogamy. I know, right that's happening lately, I don't. I don't know if I'm as as much of a stickler as a monog in a monogamous relationship as i've been. I'm a monogamous woman. I prefer just a one on one relationship, but I've also been in situations where I thought it was monogamous and it wasn't, and so I'm just wondering. I'm not a relationship now, but I'm just wondering the part of that is lying

to think it wasn't. It wasn't because if somebody came to you and was like, like, here's the thing every now and then, right, you would be okay with it. Maybe, well, I think now that's what I'm saying. I kind of want to try just saying it's fine if we're not monogamous. You're into me, I'm into you. As long as we're in each other, let's less rock and roll and of

course keeping each other safe sexually whatever that means. But in terms of just interested in other people, spending time with other people, I'm kind of over pretending that it's me and you and it's guy. I wasn't talking about you know what I mean. I was just talking about this, like I've always been that person that I wanted to be just me and one person and I want them to love me the way I love them and all

of that stuff. But lately I've just been thinking about like the Polly life, and you know, I can't do it. I don't know if I could either, but I've given it a thought because I think are open for somebody to really develop feelings for someone else, right and then right so you don't know if that can happen or not. And then also like are they going to really be honest?

You like, what are you doing on me? And the senses there at the movies or I'm going to dinner, But you're the other side of it, though they could also be doing that anyway and telling you there monogamous. So that's why I'm trying to forgether. You not do it and be monogamous. Don't do it. I'm also go easing on the monogamy thing, but it's like you do that.

You're even telling that to a guy. I wouldn't want a man to be so comfortable where he's telling me the about the other women he's dating and things like that, because would you want to know everything else that's going on, or would you want him to just be like I do see other people, or would you want details? Well I kind of also think not to not to negate the question, but I just think that if we as

women are not monogamous, I think it shifts men. I think men are used to us being a monogamous person and the relationship, and if we say, well, you know what, it's cool, I think it shifts the whole dynamic from their perspective. Gun bad. Yeah again, I'm new, I'm but you know, I feel like guys want to be with whoever they want to be with, and they don't want you to be with anybody else. And the men say, you know, are you called with another woman? I say, well,

the question is are you cold with me and your friend? Right? And all of a sudden that's been a whole another thing. And I said, so it's a problem. It's your boy, that's a problem. See that's what I'm trying to figure out, Like what what's really the problem? They can't take it again, they could this ship, but they can't take it. And you know, right nowadays people are always talking about toxic relationships, toxic, this toxic whatever. What makes the relationship toxic. You think, like,

what are some examples you want to go first? You know, it's one of those most toxic things that I went through in my last relationship and didn't realize it until I was out of it. And you know this Angela, when he would be upset at me, he would just like shut down completely and like not speak to me at all instead of working through whatever his issue was. And I think that that is like, yeah, the silent treatment.

I will get it all the time. Remember the time I called you like you was just like, oh I saw him yesterday. I'm like like two weeks yeah, and this and this like that. After the fact, like in hindsight, I realized that that was such crazy toxic energy, right because people would say arguing and all of that is toxic, but really like not saying anything at all. Yeah, I'm gonna say this because I'm into you. For me, the toxic is letting something I don't like or I'm not

comfortable go beyond the one time. Like a lot of people will say, do you give second and third chances?

And I want to ask you, guys, if you do in two I'm not like, like you should know, you know, you know who I am, what I'm about, And by the time we get to a point where we're together or even just friendship, it's like, why don't need to give you two to three chances to to It's like, you know, where in the stage now in life where it's like we're supposed to be valuing each other and respecting each other, you know, as friends as well as an interpersonal relationship. So why don't I need to give

you two or three times to not respect me? And when you say friends importantly, like in relationships, that's supposed to be like your best friends. And so why do you treat me worse than you would teach your best friends? You know? Because I, yeah, I agree with that, because I think I'm a really way to People tell me all the time I'm way too nice. Yeah, And I think you'd be like you Capricorn. I think you be like Nope. But the thing about me is I'm nice.

But then once I get to a certain point, is over for me. Like I get people like you know, the benefit of the doubt all the time I give them multiple chances, and somehow people will try to paint me as like the bad person. People play this whole like victim thing where you could do everything for somebody and then all of a sudden, right you stop doing something and you're the worst persons in the world, in

the world. And so I had to realize and that is something that I decided that I have to be better at, is identifying when people are treating me shitty early on and just saying you know what, I'm not. I can't do it anymore because it's too draining for me. I have so much going on and I've wasted so much time in situations with people who didn't respect right me, don't respect, don't honor. So are you saying it's one

chance and either you you what it is? Though, because people, I do believe that people deserve some grace depending if you can. I'm good with if I can talk to you about something and you can receive it and say, you know what, I didn't look at it. That I believe in that. But I also believe if something happens between us and then I know you're sucked up. Everybody else knows it, but you're still like posting subs on social media, talking crazy, having it like I can't deal

with that because that's immature to me. And that's also like, all right, that is what it is. I don't trust you, Like that's dangerous to me. Yeah, I mean that that that sounds like you're right, like if this miscommunication, I think that's different. But then there's other times where I feel like you kind of know soul deep when it's manipulation but women's disrespect, or when somebody's not valuing you.

And sometimes I think what we have a tendency to do is say, well, maybe that was just the situation. Let's just keep going because you have a history of the person. Yeah, right, because you want the friendship or relationships, Like you know, they've had a tough time and I understand that. So I'm not doing that anymore. Like when you give somebody another chance to it just gives no permission to keep on doing the same way. Now, what about in the bedroom, right, let's switch over to that

for a second. How can you approach somebody to do to try something that they might not have ever done before and you feel uncomfortable kind of asking them to why are you smelling, Laura? Because there's some things we've talked about previous episodes, and I'm like, you know, why I don't know if the right one comes. So I'm building friendship. You guys were talking about friendship. I'm dealing with someone now and I told him it's very important

that we develop a friendship first. So when you get mad, don't ghost me, because if you ghost me, I'm gonna be like, it's like, I'm not going to keep looking for you. So let's first build a friendship and maybe I'll end up following when we developed into because I know you now in a difference, like that's all of my friends. No, I mean, we're gonna evolved into a relationship eventually, and maybe you'll be the one because now

we know each other, like we're friends. You're not. I'm not gonna swallow the next week, I'm hearing that Maria swallowing YouTube, and so it's just I want. I want to build respect before you swallow, respect before you swallow. Swallow. Yet, how about you, guys, ever, until they come, that's when you swallow. To me, it's like you did all that. Now I'm gonna not swallow. But don't don't surprise yourself. My advice is like you know when a man's about

to come, and like you can feel when he's about to. Yes, So when you feel that, like, take it as far back as you can, so straight to your throat. So wait, so I did think of about gagging and swallowing at the state if the taste might make you guy, that's why if you put it behind your throat, you're not gonna taste anything. But but hold on, we had to put down a little bit because what do you mean

the taste? The taste, that's anything ything. It depends on how he could be the you know, you never never had it there, so you never know how your body's going to make sure. If not, yeah, if he's not a healthy eater, it can taste a little spunky, a little funky, but it could taste like nothing, you know, like a lot. I mean again, that depends on the guy. That's what I'm saying. When the last time he had lady playing on swallowing it, you weren't gonna play with it,

spit it back out. You already playing on swallowing it. Here's my question exactly. So if you're so, I'm a swallower, yes, So what's the point of giving head if you're not swallowing? I thought that was part of it that guy's eating on your pussy and then he just stops right before you. He knows you're about to come. Isn't they going to fucking fish you off? Right? Or he made? He made? He moves his face. Imagine a guy moves his face and finishes you with his hand. Right. But the one thing,

it's a big disconnect. Yeah, where do you want me to drop this load? Yeah? I've had that. I was like, not on my face, not in my mouth. You sound like fun, I'm a face? Do you not want him to be? It was just like, don't do it in my face? On my oh my god, that's that's my

number one. When when it's from the back, like you know, my back and my ass, but just no, not in I don't care what you going to figure out how to get my face at the time coming out, I feel like I feel like even if I want him to come somewhere else, if a guy asked me, where do you want to come? First? Ask somebody? Love it? You don't really mean it exactly. I mean it can

we acknowledge the nutritional quality of that? It's good for your I mean, you know it's it's straight prouty, so all I'm saying it's one waste the protea to hand because I want to know. But you gotta protect your eyes, especially if you have yes, it could definitely burn your eyes. Yeah you know comment you no matter what clean or dirty is, it will burn. But if your swallowhen it doesn't get in your eyes. It's me, I'm not man.

And then it's and it's nice because like you do it and then you keep doing it even because guys, I don't know if they love it, their hate it, hate when they love how you or what like if they come and use you keep going, Yeah, and you know they drives them crazy. I think they're extra sensitive once they can't. But I think they also feel like it's really freaky if you just can't get enough to keep going. Because like first, if a guy's eating you out and you can do you want him to keep

going when you're about to ruin it. I don't like, don't play during sex. You guys understand that, like sto keep moving, it's just the whole move. Are there men

that have said they don't like to get hit? Yes, a man that has said please don't Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't believe it that means I haven't did it done right exactly because I didn't think I used to like it, Like I didn't think I used to like get in out because the first like a couple of times, the guy that did it to me was not good, So I didn't think it was good, and so I was just like after that, I was like, I don't like that until somebody did it right and he's like,

oh yeah. So when you guys give head, do you use like tools and tricks? Have you turned it into like this is for you too? What have you used? Like jewelry and hand motions and corn Yeah, I'm interested in ice like pearl necklaces and textures. You know you wrapped you wrapped the dick with a pearl necklace and you know yeah right, because well right right exactly. Yeah, you know, trying some jewelry and hand movements and the

double hand dressers. Yeah. I do to sound like I'm an expert, but at the same time, well am I because I went to it. I've gone to parties. I'm blaming this on t Camp, but she's gonna die because I'm calling her name every I'm telling parties parties we have you know, there's an author. I think your name is Ivon Fulbright, who writes a book on how to go down. And I mean she came and did the party and I was like, there was a dick on the plate and I had no idea that I had

no idea. So pearl necklace around. Yeah, you take they pull it out of from somewhere, you know, be really interesting and sexy with it, and then you wrap the check with the pearls and as you're you know, as you're stroking, you know, they can feel the dick secure very like I see candles. Yeah, that's candid that turned into wax. Like I mean, this is flavored syrups for the taste. Flavored syrups because now it's a Roman therapy

for him and it helps your taste for you. So there's pineapple flavors and strawberry and he gets turned on by the fragrance and you're like, okay, so now I've turned your semen into strawberry shortcake. Remember when we went to um where were we Charlotte? And we went to that choices right okay, and they had the condoms, the flavored condoms. So that's to suck. But who's gonna use'. I was thinking, like, who's going to use a condom? Like? You never said to dick with a condom? Have you?

I have not? Okay, but I also don't. I don't do random dick suck, you know what I mean. It's like somebody, I'm with you. I'm not a prostitute, never use flavor condoms. I'm like that, But I don't know. Maybe it's for if you're going to have sex and then take the condom off. It's like it too, yeah, because I didn't understand us because you have addressed to the condom and then you don't want to like right, because then it chastes like yeah to swallowing in. I

am I how you gonna do it? Oh my god? Um? You know. So, I'm gonna grab it right and I'm gonna make sure us all the way, black throat. I gotta relax, my throat, You gotta relax about it. Yeah, definitely relax and make sure it's all all the way. And we don't have to be all the way. But as far as you can take it without so yeah, just as far as you can take it. Where can we get the pearls? You know what's crazy? I don't.

I don't swallow in the back of my thad. I have it more towards the tip and like kind of like when he's I would like suck more like that pipe. You want to taste it, so you take it, you taste you're eating it. You I like to taste it too. Sometimes you want to taste it. But when I don't want to taste it. I don't think I've ever had nasty. Yeah. I tasted some com that was a terrible tastes like earwax. Okay, I don't think I can say bleep bleep. It tastes

like airwax, like bleach. I'll never forget that. I don't know what the funk he was bringing we're eating, But I never sucked sick again. Okay. So is giving head as intimate as intercourse to me? It is? Because really said it is still set Absolutely I think, yeah, I think that you stopped side. This is sexual act, Do you really? Because I can't just get somebody head and never have had sex with them really probably head to

never have sex sex? What? No, because it sounds worse when people be like, yeah, I ain't but she said my like that. But you never I feel I can down like I'm on the bitch face. I don't know what the pussy like. Um yeah, I feel like if you just sucked dick and you didn't have intercourse, you still hot side to suck. Imagine you have a boyfriend, right and your boyfriend is like, oh, did you mess with sex? And you're like, no, I didn't have sex with it, but I did suck his dad words, he'll

feel worries. That's worse. I think two words. So I gotta I gotta be honest. I feel like it's a little bit of it's a little bit of a control thing because I feel like I'm giving as opposed to getting done. You know what I mean. I agree with that, but I just want some dick after so like I get from giving head, like it's like my favorite thing about sex that I'm not gonna so you get your pussy eight Well, now I wanted if I understand if you had a choice, though, then I want to know.

But I'm a giver, so I want to I want to give head. I want to be the pleaser. I want to know that what I'm doing is making my man. I had a choice. You have a choice and make deviled eggs. If I had a choice for the night and it's either get your pussy eight or suck dick, you can't do both, I would say, fucking zig really go that night? Yeah? Yeah, what about we get done? I I wanted to, and then I want to get fun.

What about sixty nine? I'm here for it. Yeah, I'm for it, But I like to do like I like to focus on one thing at a time. It's hard for me to focus because I can't really focus, and then the position never really feels we always is awkward. I've had some good rounds of sixty nine, but I think it was because like we were drunk and we were having like a sex triathlon and just ended up

there and so it was perfect. I feel like when you like try it like bloods do sixty nine, it's organically do you do you come equally from intercourse as much as from if somebody beating you know, I won't say that, not equally, not equally not how do you come better? Um head? These days? Me too? From these

days I used to be the other way around. No more recently, in my new relationship, I come orgasm from intercourse more than I haven't any other keep so yeah, he he's a keeper multiple times and definitely there for me once you like like I'm gonna come like a definitely sensitive more than if he's putting it in. How about you in I prefer to have sex from I mean I prefer to orgasm from sex. I'm like it

feels better too. Yeah. As a matter of fact, if you're eating me out and I feel like I'm about to come my rather, do you have like put it in right then? Yeah? I love that. Oh my god, that's a better feeling to me. When you can come on on the day, it's a feeling too. But when she asked what I'm calling and what's easy and easier easier, I like there to me And to be honest, like to come from oral sex for me, you kind of

have to be consistent. I don't like switch up the movement like mine could be right there, and I wish they gotta know it's like, don't do the snake tongue. Somebody does that. You know, I'm trying to guide your head. And I don't like this bit to trickle down to my butt either, like there's that much. I like messy. I don't like sitting like a like like when they stop and spit on it, like wait, why do you even stop? Just keep going? So do you think men

are open to the instruction? Yeah, if you say it the right way you delivered right. You gotta say it like sexy. You can't just be like hold hold up, no, yeah, you have to be like no. They want you to say it, like in a way where you're like, okay, now I do I love when you do that to you When you yeah, it'll feel so good if you yeah, like, don't stop or do it like how you was just

doing it? Who? Don't stop it right there? Don't stop that, keep going like have sex when you don't really feel like it, but you just do it because you know he does. I have done it. Yeah, I'm like yeah, and then trying to get in like you really mentally not there, but you're trying, And then you'd be like if you don't, how are you up something? And me trying to rush him. Have you come for me? Please come for me to make it sexy, but you really like no, he already came, and they keep going and

they keep going. I'm like I don't care about and then they can't see your face, but you'd be like everybody kill it like that. I love coming, though when they don't get me from the back, Oh my god, I never I don't think I really could come that. I was gonna say, that's I think I'm my built that way. Yeah, I love, I love to, but I can't. Simulation was the only way. He gat me out first from the back, and then like you said, when I was almost there, he just went in and it was amazing. Yeah,

that's the best time. Oh my god. And then grab my hair. You think everything crap. Yeah, and you're not giving head. Nope, I don't know. I'm giving head now more than I you know, but I haven't like I could say, like now, I know you know. I've been listening and I take little taking that I hear from here, you know, like licking the tips like they love when you just suck the tip and then you put both hands and you go up and down and you just

make it real wet. And another thing I learned is the balls, Like while you sucking it, play with his balls, spit my hand. That's the whole thing. Yeah, I love it. Listen, do you think if I'd ever been normalized for three semes with two men and a women and a woman. Guys can't take that. You think it will ever be like a normalized thing for two guys and one woman because it is like a train, and it's very normal for like three Simons when there's two women and a man.

But do you think we'll ever come to a place in society where it would be like a three sims two men and a woman and a woman and they'll be okay with that? No? What is that? I mean for some men they do it, but again it's just to them. Is a is a train, it's not a threesome, right, But um, I mean, but every women, a lot of women will never do that. Yeah. When they asked me, they're like, would you would you do a three someome? I'm like yeah, bringing let me pick the guy. They're like,

wait what so man? Yeah? And two men two men, and and they traded off. It was like they were friends and they traded off. It's the best fifties birthday, okay, and they were they traded off. So it was never like them together together. Okay. It was like they were flip flopping me and you know, one would please me, then he passed me to the other, and one would kiss me and then he'd spin me around for the other.

It was like a beautiful dance. It was like doing the salsa with two guys at the same time, just like romantic and sexy and never intertwined. But at the same time it was too But people make you feel like because I feel like in' decieted, like we've been on here. Guys don't really admit to stuff like that as much. Yeah, they're not gonna I don't think they're gonna be. It's like a list of things that they don't admit to. So wait, were these guys but they

so they were friends with each other. They were friends, okay, and I knew they were friends. And it was all about that Coco patrol ship perfectly that I've had some wild nights on those are my real drunk days. I used to love. Listen for a birthday party, get some Cafe patrol swallow like it's tasty, like you can't even put milk with it, and my goodness, good, you just don't even notice how washed up you're about. So they said the next day, how did they act to each other?

Or like afterward, what did they ever acknowledge it? Or was it just a one thing and nobody ever discussed No. We all went to breakfast and it was like three friends that hung out and had a good time. It was weird because it's not like I was into that. I had never done it before, but it was happy birthday to me, and it was like, okay, And as it was happening, I was like, this is happening. I was like, this is actually happening. It's really really thing.

I juste't even I was like, oh my god, this is happening. And then I just kind of relaxed and let it happen. And the next morning we were like the three months has a movie about that called Threatle. He's part of a Threatle. It's him and another dude and a girl. Wow, what you're doing it? I've never thought about it. I'm a very one on one person. I've never even been with a woman. Okay, so I'm a very like I don't even like sixty nine, so

I can't even imagine. I can't multitask like that. But but yeah, the way she made it her it was all exactly you know what, you you are so right because it was so effortless. It was so sexy, sexy, not in a sexual way. Yes, it was essential. They were very gentle. You know, they treated me like I was a queen. They both freaky simultaneously. Yes, it wasn't

like no internet you know, porn site crap. It was just it was very sexual and sexy and romantic and it was just like having Oh my goodness, I say yes every time you do it again. I know you got to have some guys at the same time. But it was the sexiest, most romantic. I mean it was like this sounds like you know what it sounds like. It sounds that's a batisfying and tucked it about it. You just let it happened that it talked about it, and we just continue. You know, it happened one more

time in that little vacation strip. Okay, we still never talked about it. It was just kind of like a thing we did, right, and that's to day. Hey, y'all want to go get some cafe that's passwords, right? I mean the only that you haven't done that you want to do in the bedroom, Like, is there something that's on your bucket list? Your bucket list? Um not No, I mean that probably would have been the thing that is like top tier crim dela crime. I don't think

you get anything. The one thing I had not done. And that's why, Like on fiftieth birthday, I was like, you know what, if it's going down, it's going down. It's going down. And I wasn't predicting it. But you know, but by the time I did, like the fourth shot of the Cafe Patron, I could kind of tell they were both dancing closer, and I'm like, happy birthday to me. I'm doing I'm going in. I don't have to choose. I'm going in whatever is happening. I'm letting happen. Though.

That's what I was going I was attracted to one more than the other. It's not that one was better. I was attracted to one more than the other. Both of them were French, so you know, and I speak French, so it was we spoke no English. Actually it's just I'm telling you, right, so I speak right speaking. What

are you doing? Just telling you? It was so you know, internationally sexy and too French guys in Saint part yes, yes, and beautiful and chocolate and pretty teeth, and I sparkling in the dark, you know, like I'm down for you know, you know, I don't. I didn't ask, I don't know. It was a birthday to be but we're still friends, you know, we still hate each other. Happy birthday. I was like, not as happy as it wasn't twenty done? When are you coming back? I was like, I'll let

you know. You haven't been so attracted to somebody. And then when it came time to have sex, it wasn't hitting. Oh my god, yes, has happened to me the worst? Oh my god, such a let down? And for you? Do you tell them? Yeah? Absolutely? Did you tell? Did you tell them? Now? I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. The never call again, never never happened again. But that's how they you never want to go. He could have helped them. You know, I'm a ghost, you want I

can't be a ghost. Are you a ghost? You really? Yeah? Yeah? Block power book, Yeah, I will delete. Tell them I don't block on a block so that I don't contact you. So you know when the numbers there, you don't want to call a person drunk? Oh my god, I would delete everything because it's like I don't even want to have your number. You're too nice. See I feel like I'm too nice because I never gohoest. I just kind of like, you know, ghost, I'm just not gonna call

you back, like I never goes. Yeah. Now I just won't answer, but I do be busy when you did you run into them at the lead. See that's why I used to have a DNA list and I used to have all of these numbers saved in the DNA and I just wouldn't answer because I somebody somebody that made it on that list, and because I had the same contact. I just never answered that that lists grow pretty long. Yeah, luckily I don't have to do that anymore.

But they made a fake page that hit me up. Now, why I have to make up a fake page just to get you? Blocked me on both and then he sent me a dollar on cash app, like with his name, like please talk to me dollar dollars. I might have considered what makes somebody bad, like if you're like okay, we had a lot of chemistry, but then it was bad.

What's bad like what happens too fast? Just no passion, Like I hate for a guy that just wants to just like put it in and just home until you coming and like hello, that's me sometimes rhythm here yeah, he can't. That's the thing for me. You gotta kiss. You gotta be able to kiss. That's that's the foreplay for me. You gotta be able to kiss. If you can't kiss, then it's just it's all bad after that. Yes,

but that's part of what wasn't good. It's like the rhythm because I didn't know the rhythm of the kiss. I didn't realize they were gonna have no rhythm period. And you know, I know rhythm is im point to you. We've seen your dancing abilities. I mean, you know, but I think rhythm is important to everybody. The rhythm. The rhythm tells you how they're gonna flow and moving their pace and their energy, you know, in the chemistry, you know, and yeah, but but you know there's there's CUTEI Price

who ain't got no rhythm right right? And that sucks? Yeah, or just no chemistry, you know, there can just there can be rhythm, but just no chemistry. Because because somebody could look good and it seemed good on paper, and you'd be like, all right, he would be good. And you try to force yourself to like somebody. Have you ever forced yourself to like such? It doesn't work for long. I try, can't. I couldn't. Yeah, I had to leave. I can't. My facial expressions tell it all. You can

tell when I don't like you, especially a man. Oh yeah, I'm nasty, you know. Honestly, when I don't like a guy everything he does get some money, so annoyed by every little thing, even and it's very obvious, like the way my reaction, like my reactions to that are very obvious. You can tell you. I can't fake it. I can't fake like you. So if I'm not all over you, then you just know I'm not into yeah, because I'm like,

that's another thing. I'm affectionate. But nobody ever grew on you who you didn't like at first and then he ended up liking them. I tried, but then it just expired, just like I tried. I really tried. And then it was other things that wasn't good, like sex and you know, the weird things. And I really tried. I really tried. Have you ever been attracted to somebody more from me inside than the outside. That's who it was, they were,

That's what I mean. Like I tried because I know how great of a man like he would be ideal but she just looked at him and nothing happened. Yeah, and the sex again, Like I always thought that sex wouldn't be a deal breaker from me, But the older I get now and the more I'm getting, you know, it is. And it's crazy that there's certain things that like somebody could be great. But I remember when I

was younger, I didated. This guy was really hairy. Oh no, sorry, Harry, where I did details everywhere everywhere, like arms, No, I never noticed that, but he would shave his arms and they would be like, oh, stefitely. Yeah, And that was hard for me because what if when they shaved down there and it's prickly and feeling, and then you get like you get red rita sea and I love to ride, So that's, oh my god, what happened with the Harry?

You just didn't? I mean? And then we had like temperature issues in the bedroom because he would always be hot. He was a grizzly bad always sweating here too, and you know people are hearing me sweatier and so um. He would always be hot and I would always be cold, and it just didn't I think temperature is hard, like if you don't you can't agree on that in the bed because I like to cut it like under the covers, you know whatever. And he was always like, it's too hot, right,

have you guys ever tried tantra sucks? Tant no tantrick? Yeah, I want to haven't have you? It felt like it, but I don't think it was just maybe if I would have swallowed it. Probably I'm learning a lot of guys. I'm learning a lot. Why do you say it felt like it? Because it's like everything was just so like passionate I was. We were sweating and the things that he put me in positions that I never thought I would be in before. I didn't know I was as flexible as I was. It was just we was in

another universe. Like it's like my soul left my body. Where is he now? That sounds hot. I don't want to talk about it. But the sex becaun't enough because everything else, like he wasn't And then that's the thing, he wasn't a great guy. So then you got the guys that are really nice and really good, but the sex, but then you got sometimes to be the worst guys that have the best sex. Damn that sex. But he did digmatize me. He had me for a while, like

curse them all. He called me a month later just come on. But yeah, but then I was like I had to stop it because it was like, this is not going nowhere. But damn, what if he called you today? I'm single right now, so so yeah, I'm open to it. I'm open to sex. I might swallow you this time, and then we may work out because because you know who he is, because you know what you're talking about him right now, probably do. Oh that's some sex and

ship he's listening. Wow, I'm surprised you haven't tried tantic sexes. Why are you surprised? Because I look at you like that expertence everything. Oh no, I'm not. I'm not an expert on everything. I'm actually very goofy and nerdy and I just have some experience. But no, I am not an expert on everything. I haven't tried it, but I'm curious, right, and so we'll see what two does. But sex all day, like all day, just day and all day and just has sex not gone anywhere, done, no work, nothing, just

you know, my body doesn't function that way. I'll end up with like a urinary track in fiction or just breaks and eat and okay, like not get dressed to go back. But I haven't been attracted to somebody like that in a long time. But to me in in order for me to do that, I've got to just be like overly attracted and everything's great, and I haven't

had that in a really long time. That's the best thing in the world to just be in the house all day, like on vacation or whatever, and just not leave the room all day and just staying and have sex all day long, and just like order room service so I get something to eat and then get back to it, bed up and cooking, just a T shirt and thong stuff. What's happening? Have you done it? Yeah? Recently cutting myself myself. I have had a nice sex triathlon in a while. Yeah. I feel like we get

so busy. You know, what do you think that you could be better at when it comes to relationships? Because we always talking about what we went from somebody else? But what could we be better at? I think I could just be more forgiving. I think I'm so um, I'm scared to be single. I was just sitting here thinking and listening to you guys, listening to myself talking. I I just realized I haven't had bad sex in a long time. If we're not jail it sympathetic towards you,

we're jealous. I've been I've had these incredible lovers, and I'm just so scared to be single and have bad sex again in my lifetime, but lifetime, And even with that being said, like, no matter how great a lover, I'm really quick to set someone to how like I'm really I'm not a very forgiving person. I don't think I give too many chances. And even if I give a second chance, I'm a little nasty about it, you know,

like it's like it's never the same. I can never look at you the same after I had to give you a chance or five. So it's kind of not worth it because it's never the same exactly, Like, what's the point of staying with somebody if it's if you can't forgive them? Yeah, so that is such a good question. Better at I think I have to be better at giving older men a chance. Same. Really, Yeah, I've been

dating these young guys there, that's saying guys. I was like, I mean younger but still young, Like I feel like I would be good for a forty five year old man or a forty two year old man. Why do you think that is like with the younger guys and not older guys. I mean, I think the younger guys are attracted to my energy and my wisdom and my my body. But what you attracted to. I'm attracted to their energy and their fun and their bodies and their bodies and it. Guy, it's like, you know, I'm I'm

he's taking a nap every twenty minute. But do you think you also don't want to settle down? Kind of, I do want to settle down. You might be dating these younger guys because you're not. I've I've actually investigated

could that be the case. I just like, you know, I feel like I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to, And I think the issue is that the younger guy is not necessarily wanting to settle down, but I love so many elements of what he brings, and the older guy I'm just not necessarily attracted to body wise, energy wise, conversation wise. So there's older in shape men, And like, when you find one, will you call me? I got

you do for you? Because right now it's like nobody's hollering map at me over thirty five, I haven't been attracked in a lot of older guys like fifty one. I wouldn't mind being year olds. So yeah there's one yeah, I yeah, and attracted like physically mentally well yeah yes, But sometimes there's one that I tried so hard and I was just like, I'm sorry, I can't do it. I just need to be honest. I was hunch around the middle. Yeah yeah, because yeah, there's people who really

take good care of themselves. There's guys who look better as they get older. But I do attract a lot of young guys too. It's always young guys in my d M. Like, yeah, you need you, a young guy. I want you to be my clueger. And I'll just be like, but what are the things that you're looking for in amandon? I love a sense of humor. I

love somebody who loves to travel, definitely God first. UM who appreciates my career and my busy schedule and has their own busy schedule, but wants to partner in terms of, you know, making our lives blend and support each other and what we're doing. UM loves to have fun, I mean, you know, as much as I'm serious and and and about my business. I love to get my party onto,

you know, I love to get my party on. So just just somebody who can travel defense and not just always be about business defense, No, and exactly you know, who's open to new adventures. Like a lot of times I think people, you know, we turned fifty and all of a sudden, it's like people start taking taking the attitude like you know, life is over. And for me, life just began listen, feeling good, looking good in the fifties where just like you know, I'm like Karen, like

I used to care before I'm out. I'm doing my thing a business moment. I don't got to worry about thing. You got to established myself. Yes, and so it's a whole different energy. And I just think, you know, I'm looking for I find that more in younger men. Um and then they don't deal with age as much as older man. That's the other thing. Older men deal with age a lot, and I don't because they're trying to

stay young. It's always an age conversation. I'm like, let go of your age and crab onto your life, Like what what what does it matter? How we are? You know, like I drop it and stay low. So let's go. Can we talk about this trip you just got back from from Yes, please tell us something like how has that changed anything about you? All of that. Well, I've been going to Africa for the last four years to

start the new year. You know, my birthday is right before your January two, and so I've always looked for something new and different and adventurous to start my year because I feel like that's my duty is to really start my year new. And so I started doing these retreats here in the States called New Year, New You, and I knew that I wanted to do one in

Africa because four years ago my life changed. I got re baptized and the waters of Ghana, and I just felt like I learned so much about our history as African American women and who we were before we arrived

in the US, as as African descendants. And so I just decided that, you know, I wanted to start my year every year with that kind of special ancestral salute um, realigning myself with who I am as a person, you know, before America kicked in, and I mean my life changed and took off when I did it, so I'm scared to not do my life starting in Africa every New year, and so this year was no different. I just got back this morning. I was, yeah, I guess my thing

I was. I was there for a month. I started retreat, so now I'm bringing y'all are coming next year. Bay. I have never had the spiritual and the turn up at the same time that on day, Okay, we'll make that happen to Okay, you got that baptized in Christianity or a different faith. I got baptized in Christianity, but I felt like it was more from I felt like it was actually more I'm good you asked that it

was more of an ancestral washover. And what happened was I had gone to see the slave dungeons and had learned so much that we're not taught here. And by the time my birthday came, I said, I just want to start new. I had been in a bad relationship before I went to Africa, and I was like, I want to wash off all the drama from that, all the unmet expectations, all the disappointments from friendships. I was just kind of you know, it was turning twenty nineteen

and I had just had such a disappointing year. People let me down. You know. I just said, you know what, I want to start fresh. Let me just let this ancestral energy wash over me and start fresh. So it's more that than a religious Baptist. And I just felt like as soon as I mentally and spiritually released the toxins of the year before and just surrendered to the good that could be mine, oh my goodness now, And

so I did. I built the retreat to be a mirror of the experience I had my first week on the continent was which was nineteen and so this was the first year I launched in Ghana, and everybody was like, oh my goodness, like you have to keep doing this and I was a planet to but but you guys are coming next year anybody ye now, yes, your register. It's just to me the energy I get, like what you're hearing now, it's a freedom. I'm living with a

freedom that I've never had before. Personally, professionally, I don't care what people think. Um, that's a hard thing. Everybody cares. Everybody wants to weigh in and say things, and you know, people, it's just hard when you go to Ghana, Africa, and you try to pick up one of those cannonballs at a slave dungeon that used to anchor our ankles as women to keep us from escaping, or as punishment when we wouldn't, when we would fight the rape by the slave masters, and you try to pick it up and

you can't. To me, the least you can do is say, you know what, because my ankles are free, let me live that freedom? And what does that look like? And so that's actually an exercise of one of the retreats. It's like, Okay, our ancestors, the women who are our d n a were ankle chained to cannonballs, like in the elements of the weather, there was no minstrel sanitary you know situations when when their periods came. So now that we're living a life of luxury compared to them,

what do you do with that? You know, what do you do with that power? What do you do with that freedom? And so I take it that deep in the retreat. It's like, who do you want to be in this new year? How new do you want to be? So what you're watching now and me is just four years of deciding every year to be fucking new and what that means that ye, yes, I'm vaccinated. I can

go by then you got the booster said, hearing the States. Also, yeah, in February, actually February the President's weekend, the seventeenth one, I have another retreat here because I know that everybody can't go to Africa, so I'm doing an annual retreat here, which is in St. Thomas. And he said, you love what were you available for this? You know what I'm saying, that's why we're asking. Yeah. St Thomas, February seventeen one. And the reason why I picked St. Thomas is because

I quarantined there during the pandemic. And I mean the water, is the energy, Yeah, it's like it's the US the pandemic. And my passport was expired. I would say, where can I go into US time? It's gorgeous, it's beautiful. I love the music and the food. And I was like, you know what, And because I couldn't get to Africa, then I was like, let me try St. Thomas. Fell in love and I said this is a retreat location.

And I promised everybody that was following me, I said, we're gonna do a retreat and so February sevent here and and I've been looking for that, so we because I've been looking for something like that because I've been doing a work on myself with worrying about what people

think about me and things like that. So yeah, I feel like I gotta I gotta tell you I've got a little selfish like I feel like the retreats that I'm building for for everyone else, it's basically the ushering in for me of the courage it takes to live the freedom, you know, to be the powerful women that we are, you know, to live it without excuses and without um self sabotaging. You know. I'm sure you know we've got friendships, but I also learned that it can

be lonely as you elevate. You know, everybody can't go. But at the same time, I feel like the retreat environment says walk in that our you know, the friendships you're looking for are actually at the elevation. You're just

holding onto people that aren't on that level. Yeah, right, that's yes, of course you want people because sometimes there's people that come in your life later that you didn't know growing up, and they're way better for you and way better in your life and way more supportive than people that you've known, you know, and these I keep them intimate. I don't it's not a hundred of people.

I keep it intimate, and I keep it very selective so that I understand, like, you know, what everybody wants, Like I send out a questionnaire to see what you're out for and what your concerns are and what you want to be and who you want to be, And so the group is already pre selected, so I know you're gonna get along. I know that you have something in common, and so it's not just a random people

who can offer the ticket. Like I'm keeping it real selective so that we all leave learning something from each other and that we leave with an elevated sense of sisterhood. Yeah. I mean it's like I'm even like, where can I get a ticket? Right? Right? So I would love to have you guys calm and just you know, experience it and every topic be fun because it's like people act like some of these topics and things are so taboos, just you know, people like, oh, y'all, hold is this sexes?

Life relationships and the reason somebody has sex? We all have sex, we all have you know, taboo things. You might think it is weird, but we have an open form here we talk about things that you realize this

actually normal. Nothing being repressed and learning. I've been learning so much and I just you know, I love the sisterhood element, Like I'm listening to you all and I'm learning and hopefully I'm sharing You're learning, And to me, that's what these shelves like that, that's what sisterhood should be. It's like if we put more time into our connection as opposed to what disconnects us. I mean, how much more powerful can we be? Listen in numbers, in commonality,

in chemistry, you know, of course for business too. You never know if you're gonna meet somebody who has the same vision for an entrepreneurial situation. So I try to govern the retreats and who's coming based on that. And so this last retreating Ghana, it was magic because everybody who was there I already knew and picking the people what the connections would be, and then just to watch

them unfold on the soil in the motherland. Listen. I mean, it was just you know, for the first for the first launch, it was amazing and so a so far We're almost sold out for December already, and I just got today that everybody is like and I appreciate that this is your first stop. So after that, I was like, first of all, I was excited that you even wanted to do lip service from Ghana. I was like, you didn't hit me back, but already scheduled it. This what

are we doing. I gotta come back and talk to my girls because I just think, you know, and I didn't even know what was going to be successful then, but I was just hoping and praying that my vision would manifest. And I just hope that that's also an example like when we have a vision as women, you know, we have to move forward again in that courage and in that empowerment and in the sisterhood to help it manifest. We're we're such a power, and that's what I learned

in Africa. We are royalty, we are queens, and if we come together in that power, we are unstoppable, unstoppable. So I'm just trying to be here in the US when I'm here, because I'm there more now that i'm here. I just I just want to be an example of let's come together and let's be the power that we're supposed to be and it yes show. So it's my therapy. Is they're gonna be a season two? What's going on that I don't know yet. We're we're in episode eight

of eighteen, which I'm excited about. Okay, they already knew in episodes and it's life therapy. I mean, for if it was another topic. But I'm so honored and I'm so humbled that the network, the TV one, decided that the content and me was worth it. And so I put my blood, sweat and tears into the content of each episode. I wanted it to be something that taught us as a people that therapy is okay and that should be something that we should welcome, and that no

topic is taboo. And what I like is that even if you've never been in therapy, it's helpful because you could see certain topics and your like, that's the same question.

And one of the things I'm glad that the network was open to is not just me because you know, the show takes place in Atlanta, and I don't live in Atlanta, but you know Mary a lot, you know, but I'm not I don't live there, and so what I wanted to do was find the tribe and the village of therapists to say, hey, Atlanta, you hit me up all the time and say, you know, I wish you lived in Atlanta. I wish you lived in Miami.

But my thing with the show is let me find you the squad because even though I'm not there, let me tell you who I trust, so that if you need to call a therapist for this issue, here's who I would trust. And I'm just you know, I'm excited to be doing it. I'm excited to bring the con tent to the community and we'll see what happens for season two. AWESO. Al Right, well, thank you so much for coming through, and you know you're welcome anytime. And

I hope we didn't together. Listen. J Johnson is here. We love you so much, and listen, we were so honored to have you on as a guest. And I feel like people are going to absolutely love love yeah for sure, to swallowing in wait to you come back and be like, so guess what happened? Right service cheers? Yeah, I love you guys. Great