Episode 303: The Get Back (Feat. Don Benjamin & Liane V)

tell you something. I have personally done work with Ingrid. And when you see this woman in a meeting, right, and every time we've been in a meeting, you know that business is Sparens. Business is mostly white men. But when you see Ingrid come in there and command the room. Another thing that she has made sure she has done is successfully hire black marketing executives. So she's hired seven

black marketing executives within her first few months of working. Yes, so again we want to make sure that we give this close to miss Ingrid Best. She is super amazing. You know they recruit did her she was working at do say obviously Sean loved homes the reason she was and that's why he gave her her position and then just recently promoted her. She's been doing everything when it comes to diversity, when it comes to sales, when it

comes to marketing. She knows every single aspect of the business. And I think that's one of the most important things that you can do to be successful at what it is and no matter what business that you're in. So this toast to see great. She's the best best fears. What up? It's a lip service. I'm Angela, Yee, I'm s Santiago, I'm Laria, Hey, Leanne, what's up? I'm yes,

and welcome to the show. You guys back together again? Yes, yes, man, Listen, this is gonna be so enlightening for people today because you know, a lot of people go through breakups and Liam V I know you can share with us, you know, just how to effectively break up with somebody, because sometimes we break up with people and it's not like a clean break and we end up going back and forth

and it really drags out. And for you for a dime, Benjamin, I know you have a lot of advice to us and how you actually had to work on yourself so that you guys to get back together. And while we've seen y'all on YouTube together, you guys have never actually sat down and done an interview together. Yeah, that's the first together. That's the first one. Crazy. We're soul to

be here with you guys. I think that this is gonna be a great competition to share just because we've talked about on YouTube, you know, briefly, but we want to be able to continue to just reach out to our audience and let people know like we're real people. People experience, you know, breakups, heartbreak, like all the things that we go through. It's normal, you know, and we're to talk about it and share our experiences. So so many questions. First off, before we even get into it,

how did y'all even meet and start dating? We met actually through mutual friends. We were in um we were also in different relationships, and we just got connected through some work. I had just came off of America's Next Tour Model. She was blowing up on vine and so yeah, so some friends connected us and we just started like

working together. We started shooting videos and and our whole group of circle of friends was just hanging out and then um, the relationship actually came like three years, were friends for three years and then um, and it happened. Yeah, who's idea was it to start documenting the relationship because you have so many followers and so many fans, you know, just because you two are together and we're together before broke up together, whatever. But you know whose idea was

it to say, like, let's just jump into this. Well, I only documents so much of my life, and I feel like, you know, people want to who you're doing and what the relationship is like. And I decided, you know, we should come up with our own channel and just share our relationship all the questions that people ask, let's totally share with the world. And I feel like it's

an organic thing. I don't like to do anything for us or film anything for us, so I felt like it was such a natural thing for us to just start creating content and just sharing all our experiences together, travel blogs and you know, challenges and even pranks. I kind of want overboard on the pranks so much. I'm doing all these. I definitely stepped into her world. She was she was, she was running a social media world. I stepped into it and kind of just let her

run this show. I don't know you guys. Guys first started doing like I started noticing you guys on Instagram. I really, I'm a fan of you guys, I really, But that is a lot of pressure, right when people are watching you and watching your relationship and some people are like relationship goes, but you know, everything is not

perfect all the time. I think it's so important though, for any anybody that wants to go public and a relationship and do content, make sure your partner is for sure that they want to be public, because I think the issue is we're back then it was more of me and Donald was just Okay, I'll go with the flow. I'm enjoying it. It's you know, for our fans and an audience, and um, you know, it's great content. I'm enjoying it. But he wasn't fully wanting to do it

as much as me. So it's so important to make sure your other partner wants it just as much as you do or is willing to do it, because you don't want your other partner to feel obligated because that's where I can create, and that's the pressure to like, yeah, the pressure just like you said, like making it seem like everything is all like of course, we're shooting videos that make people happy, so it's a lot of comedy videos.

But I think what we've learned is trying to find that balance to let people know that, yeah, we have real issues and go on in our relationship too. So yeah, there's definitely that pressure, you know, because the world, you know how it is, like the world expects us to be perfect and they expect us not to have issues. So if they see any little slip up there in them comments and they're on our head and then we

got to deal with it. And so yeah, the pressure in the spotlight is different when you're a couple in spotlight for sure. I feel like when I watched the video of YouTube explaining that you got back together, I feel like, even though you kind of told a lot, you kind of didn't tell us anything right, you did a good job at that because I was you was talking to us for like forty minutes. I was like, okay, why, okay,

why the job break up? Exactly? So that's that's what I kind of want to get to, like the the why, you know, what was the final straw and what did you do to get to the point where it was just like all right, I can't take it no more and vice versa. Right, So we came up with a second video, which was it wasn't the reason why, the

reason why we broke up. Why we did talk about like there was infidelity and all of that involved in the situation, so we can we came clean on that, and like, I didn't want to be who I didn't.

We didn't want to just come out and say what happened, because you know how it is like if you say you have to be be very particularly with how you say things, because not like as a man, for me, I didn't want to see like I was making excuses with the situation or trying to like be like, well I did this, but uh, this is why or anything the reason why I wrote my book and I really went in the depth with not only things that I have been battling in my generational curses and and trying

to figure out how to move in the industry as a man, and and all of these things that I learned. I wanted to tell the full story to paint the picture better. So on the video, we didn't want it to be like, oh, well don did this and then

leave it at that. We kind of wanted to tell the whole story of what I yeah, you know, yeah exactly, and I admitted my wrong doing, but it was like the read like I just wanted to, like, you know, be cautious with how I did it and be able to let men know, like, look, we mess up, but you have the choice to either get back up and learn from your mistakes or you know, most men are are ego and pride come in and we're like, yo, well,

I don't got to explain nothing. I don't I could do what I you don't like if you can leave, like all these weird egotistical things coming to plane. I didn't want it to be that situation. So you know, it's just great to explain a little bit how it happened. Because we were together for going to be four years and he proposed to me, um two years ago and write two years ago like three years and it doesn't

count to you. And it's crazy because you you dream at this moment when someone proposes to you and you're like, okay, this is a bit like I'm gonna say yes, this is going to be the person I'm spending the rest of my life with. That's how I'm supposed to feel. I have some confusion, I have some doubts, but I love him and my family loves him, and everything seems perfect. But everything that just looks perfect doesn't mean it's perfect within. So I felt like there were things that, of course

dating done. When we first met, he got off America's Next Top Model. He was a good looking, you know, bad boy kind of vibe like he was didn't have the cleanest reputation, like what from my friends were telling my girl, he's a player, blah blah blah blah. But you know, us girls, sometimes when we're not aware of our self love and really digging into knowing what's best for us and our worth, we tend to settle for less, like oh I like the challenge, or I can change him.

And those are the issues that I feel that us women deal with as we grow and mature and pick the person that we want to spend the rest of our life with. So it wasn't even expected when I met Don. We're friends and it just slowly gradually grew

grew into a relationship. If our family got real close, like my mom's best friend is his mom, and my dad loves Done and looks at him as a son like everything just seems so great and we're super compatible and we enjoy the same things in life, and I feel like, you know, everything is perfect, But there were things that don is dealing with personally that I wasn't

aware of. And there's also expectations on my end. As women, we want to we want to be loved this way when we want to be treated this way, and it's just it's really tough when you just kind of endlessly date or get to know someone. You want to make sure that you're checking the boxes that you know that, okay, this person has the same values, the religion, Like there's so many little aspects that you have to pay attention

to through our relationship, you know. Once he proposed to me, I you know, I do see myself spending the rest of my life with him, But there were questions of his loyalty, like there are things that he did in the past that broke my trust. And it's like that weird transition, you know, getting women are men have to you know, for me, I was, I came off of the phase of from America's Next Top Model all the way up until you know, two nineteen, that was six years.

But I was kind of cut stuck in this route of not really doing things the right way, you know, and and I had to break these things. And there was flirtatious. It wasn't like this situation that came up. We didn't really talk about it. You can talk about it, but there was like you can talk about it. Talk

about it. In my book, I talked about how there was like a girl that was a friend and and there was like some conversations that were being had about hooking up before I become a married man and stuff. And I knew the girl too, and so it was it was I thought that that girl was a safe girl, like that was his friend. And I met first. I met her as Don's friend, and it wasn't like my it's a different one. It's my girls, but it's someone

because he doesn't have a lot of homegirls. So when he has a one particular friend or two whatever, I usually need them. I haven't met her, and he made it a point for us to me at one point, and I'm like, okay, so she seems really nice, but I'm gonna keep my eye on her. I just don't

know I got on. He was right, it's always you attation because you know, it's it's weird because you like our mind was a crazy thing, Like you have to really be in control your mind as a man, Like I was in a phase where I was, you know, I wasn't doing as much work, so I was bored. My mind was kind of running weary. I'm about to get married, so I was in my head like, damn about to be with this one woman. There was a

lot of things that you have to tell me. And now you have to really be in the right mindset if you're really going to commit to a relationship and

commit to one woman. Because as men, especially in the industry, or if you're attractive, like you have all these things that you think it's okay for a man, Like a lot of men they're like, oh well, as long as you don't get caught, or as long as you do it every once in a while, or it's just talk, or there's so many excuses that men will make for these things that as I had to reshift my mindset and realized, like none of this stuff is cool that so many women have to deal with on a daily basis,

with men being funk boys and blas blah, and so you know, with this situation, like I totally in like as much as like in the moment when it happened, it was like a gift for me because it kind of was like an awaken and where it's like, yo, I don't like my father wasn't with my mother, and I was like in this path, was like I don't want to move in the same steps that my father

was moving in. There's so many men that I've seen around me moving in, but yet I'm out here, I'm cheating, I'm doing this reckless ship to LeAnn, who has never done nothing but being an amazing woman. It's so hard to come by, and so for me when it happened,

it was like it needed to happen. And again it was weird because, like I said, I don't want to I wasn't trying to make an excuse, but it's like it sucks that sometimes these things have to happen and the right person is gonna wake up at the right time. Like some men, they will go through that experience and they won't really learn from it. They'll be like, well, I lost my woman. I'm gonna go and and go to the club boys and we're gonna turn up and

I'm gonna find the next girl. Yeah. But for me, it was like, Okay, let me learn from this situation. Sit down, figure out why I did this to her? Why did I feel like it was cool to have this conversation who was around me that that I really have influenced me to do the right things? And so

I took this situation. I was like, let me step back from my circle, let me put myself around the talk to people like Davon Franklin, like passers to Terray, you know, like go find people that I'm not usually watching videos of or talking to and learn and see what they did. Like how are you in this happy marriage? How did you overcome the temptations of women in this industry?

You know what I'm saying. And like in the midst of it at first, like I was blowing her up, like yo, like let's make this work, Like I'm sorry after that moment when we broke up, like I told he was out of town actually, and I FaceTime him and I'm like, when you come back, all your stuff is packed, you're leaving, you're out. Well yeah, well yeah, back up, So tell us what you say that made you while people away be like so so we've all

been guilty, Like all the girls have been guilty. When you get that intuition where you want to go through their phone or go through something and like your anxieties like oh my god, I want to go through something I had to do and then but it wasn't a phone, so he had an Apple And it's funny because differences the same thing, and like I had a feeling that when he left town, I checked his Apple Watch and I saw a conversation from that girl that And it's

funny because I only looked at her text message because you knew that what she was looking I want and I know what. I've seen it before. And Don's very open with like he'll I know his passwords and everything. But that doesn't mean anything because people can delete things, you know. And I went through his Apple Watch and I've seen a conversation and it was pretty much what he said. How she actually was entertaining, like oh my god, I'm so excited for guys to get married, like what

are you gonna do? Like like how are you gonna You're gonna do a bachelor party? Blah blah blah, and talking about I can plan on your whole bachelor party, you're gonna be to dance fast. And then I listen they went down memory lane and I just found out that they hooked up a long time ago. Okay, So I was just like, you know what this is, it's over. And I my girls were there at the moment. They were asleep and I woke them up, and I'm just like,

it's over. I'm breaking up with them. It's real, like it's over, and like they helped me pack all his stuff and how was it. I facetimed him and I called him and he was just shocked. He shook like he did not even know what I was talking about, because I'm sure he thought that he deleted the messages. But the apple watch pretty much collects all the conversations that you help on your phone. So I went through

his apple Watch. I saw everything. And then he came back and you know, we split up, and he just like begged just to have one last conversation with the family, because honestly, the breakup wasn't just between me and Dawn. It was between our two and parents, like our mother's are best friends, so it was like a whole family breakup. So I let him have like the whole conclusion of everything, like, hey, this is what happened, and you know we're breaking up.

Did his mom's had to convince you to stay with him? My mom went? My mom honestly the point went crazier than me, Like she was, she was, she was, Oh my god. It was really bad because it just felt like the longest breakup ever. Usually when you're having a breakup is just between you and that person, but it felt like everyone was going through a breakup. My mom

was so heartbroken. My dad was really disappointed. And it's just tough because when you're so used to a routine of like having someone around and having your friends, like, you know, help with the wedding and all this stuff. It's like you were planning for a wedding and all of a sudden it's completely over. And one thing I've learned, like just overall, for women that go through this, it's not your fault. I don't know because I was questioning me at one point, and I was doing so much

research like why did men cheat? Did I not do something my drawing? At some point like what is wrong with me? Me? Me? It's not even about you. A woman will never be good enough for a man that's not ready and understanding that, you know, I felt more at peace with myself and knowing that this is Dawn's problem and cutting him off completely. So we just completely part of ways. I told him, if you ever try to sneak up and pop up at the house and

clone cops like, don't care, come over. Wait a minute, was this the first time you cheated or got intuition

that he did cheat? No, so there have been an issue like early in our relationship, like the first year, and then um, there was like certain situations where she would be worried where again I was on the road, I was hosting clubs, I'll be out all night, and so there was a lot of just recklessness that was that was happening that wasn't given her the confidence to be like, yo, he's out here actually doing the right thing,

you know. So I like, that's why I said, as a man like I didn't I have all the reason and for her to wake up and be like, look, you haven't been the right man always, regardless of how much we love each other, how happy we are when we are together, like I was still doing dumb stuff that wasn't really really securing her and so when this situation happened, that's why it was like it was the last straw, because it's like over the past few years, like, yeah,

you haven't done the craziest things, but for a woman, like one small thing like this is like it's not cool, you know what I'm saying. And we don't really think like that a lot of times, and and in this situation, I was That's why I was like, man like, like why, like why I don't want her to feel like it's hurt because it wasn't. It had nothing to do with her, Like we're happy, she's beautiful, Like the sex life is amazing,

Like everything was good. It's just there was things that I was dealing with as a man that when this kind of came to the light, you know, it was like God was like, Yo, this is something you want to do with it or otherwise y'all will be back together. You know what I'm saying. How accountable is the other one in right? Because obviously you two are in a relationship with each other, and a lot of times women

get mad at the other woman as well. Do you think because she knew that you guys were in a relationship, that she's at all accountable as well. And that's the thing with me, like I take all blame because me as a man in this relationship, like I should be strong enough to know how to cut that conversation, you know what I mean, Like even if the other like, yeah,

she she shouldn't have went there. But I feel like me as the man in the situation, like I should be strong enough to represent my woman, like I'm not gonna let you disrespect our relationship like that, like whatever we had to pass, you know. And so in the moment I was in my mind, I was like, man, she got me. Why she do this? Like it's her fault,

we're not we're breaking up. But but once I went in a full accountability mode, like everything really falls on me, Like I need to know how to handle myself around women a man in relationship, we need to know how to have them boundaries if it is a female friend, a worker and acquaintance, whatever it is, you know. And we talked about that on our YouTube video, where is it okay for your significant other to have the opposite

sex friend? And I think that it should be okay, But there needs to be boundaries, there has to be helps in respect because at the end of the day, I'm not going to be the same girl that I was last time, where I'm checking your phone and I'm feeling insecure, like it's taking too much away from me where I'm not able to focus and be at peace

with myself. So that's another thing, was a year of self love and growth and just really becoming more at peace with myself because getting involved and trying to check his phone and worrying about him that I'm never going to be in a relationship like that again. And of course it takes time to heal, because right now I'm still healing. I'm not I'm gonna be honest. I'm not trusting Dob. I don't know if I ever I was

going to actually has to be. So we also talked about this too, where building trust, it's healthy to set rules where don knows I tell him all the things that I feel uncomfortable with, I'll write it down and the things that would made me feel comfortable if you did this same thing vice versa, and you just make sure even because no one can read minds, so it's good to actually write it down and show that person and say, listen, this is not what I feel comfortable

with I don't feel comfortable with that, and then you just check it off the list and just be communicating all the time. You have to communicate. I feel like that's the number one thing, and just be considered to the other person's feelings and just build that trust because it's it's it's not impossible, but it is possible to build the trust back. And another thing that we shared was that, you know, my dad, of course he loves Don, but he had like a whole hard, hard talk with me.

I had to hard talk with my with Don talking about his history because my dad they've been together. My mom and my dad have been together for like forty five years, and so they know what what love is. I feel like they've given me the best example. I grew up with them together, you know, opposite from Don. Don had, you know, his parents work together, so it's a whole different story on his end. And my dad was telling me, you know, I cheated on your mom

when I was in my room and you never knew that. Well, he did tell me that before, but I didn't think anything of it. I was like, I don't know, I don't know how he did A mom I could not do it, and I was the one that was like, once you tell me, it's a wrap over, and it's

different when you're actually in the situation. Yeah, because it's got a lot of people that past jasmine, right, because even because your relationship was so public, then when you get back together, people a way in and they're like, oh, it depends on the circumstances. That depends on the person. It depends on the timing. Because we didn't speak for six months, we were completely over. But well back to

my dad. My dad was explaining to me, said, listen, you know when I cheated on your mom, I was stupid. I wasn't thinking your mom. So she was a workaholic. She she was a nurse at the time, and he was bored and he was taking care of the kids and he ended up cheating my mom. My mom found out. But he said, just because I cheated on her does not mean I don't love her. I just wasn't on my right mindset. I knew I didn't want anything else more than just that one moment, but I want to

be with your mom. But I was careless. And he said, I'm not saying to get back with don but I'm letting you know that forgiveness and healing and time, and people can truly change if they want. People were born to evolve if they want to. People can grow and develop new habits and break off the old habits and change. And I do believe in change. I don't believe people were meant to stay the same. You know, we're not

the same thing we were last year. I believe that people can truly change an elevated to become a better person. But here's a lip service question for you guys. Right, So, when you guys finally did get back together. I saw he came to the house, you know, and it was by accident that he saw you. I'm sure you are

looking cute in the kitchen or whatever. Right, So, whoever, wasn't like when you guys finally had sex again for the first time because it had been so long, you know, you were so used to each other and like you said, the sex life was amazing. So what was that like? Was it emotional? Did you cry? Did you keep thinking about you know, like what happened? Boy? Stop? But that really when it was like it was like, I mean, it was passionate. I mean I feel like it's always

just I wasn't emotional. I was just first I was like, it's just really right because you know that one word I heard, And then I like, right now, I don't know, but it was I mean, our connection to me, it was like actor felt like I won the NBA Champion he saw flash before. It was like, I'm back, like I don't know, I don't know, but you're sleeping with other women in between the time that y'all broke up. No,

I actually I was reading, Uh. I had read Devon's book Um Devonna Megan's book The Way, and so I was like, actually, like I had shifted in my mindset. I was about to like I was working on abstinence.

Like it was crazy. I did like a whole three Like I went from like like I used to watch pornography like I used to like I had like me, you know what I'm saying, and so like when this happened, like I cut, I stopped watching pornography, like I stopped drinking liquor, like I tried to shift my whole minds, like I started reading, like like at least like a few hours a day, I was reading books. I was talking to de von von Franklin kind of on the regular and so I had read his books, so I

was like practicing abstinence at the time. So like when it happened, I was like, I was like, a damn, it's gonna be twenty seconds. But was it quick? Was it really bad? We're not asking you answer it. It wasn't quick, but it was just not long, really, And and I know he had to um probably do a whole lot of four play and everything right first, because just pissing up happened because I actually I wasn't seeing anybody else. I felt like, honestly, this is when the

COVID was happening. And it was like the worst time because I was ready to travel with my girls and just be out and COVID happened, everything shut down. I was like, lower, please let the whole world shut down so she can't so you cause you cause this if I got to be in the house without her, like make sure she's in the house. And then also happened. I was it was the worst timing because you know, once you break up, you want to just go out with your friends and just you know, travel or just

not be at home. And I had to sit with my feelings. It was just honestly the craziest timing. And I didn't want to go and date because I feel like everyone of COVID, I was just if you cheated. I was like, oh, I don't want to be wrong. I felt like the reason why I didn't ask you if you slept with somebody in between the time is because I didn't think you would. And I'm gonna be honest with you. I think you can tell me I'm wrong, and I know you're gonna say I'm wrong. But I

kind of think you had in the back room. I yea, I might get back together, and you just wanted him to do right. Oh no, No, I hated you did you really hated him for him at him? After that point, I was so fed up and we're about to get intried. It was completely over. You could even a stone or my parents, they was completely sure he got sick. I didn't care. I was so mad. I was so I was so mad, and I didn't care. I was already I had the COVID. She didn't give it down. You

got COVID real bad. No. I was like, it was like I had like a fever for the night and then the next day. But either wait, I call their parents, and I think it's how I was so mad that my parents were still friends with him, and I'm not going to take that away from him and my parents. So I said, whatever you guys have plan, just keep it away from me. If he tries to come over here for any any reason, I'm not going to be home.

So the only reason why he came by was when our dog was sick and he was communicating with my sister about it because, um, my sister was telling you, oh, biggs be sick and we have to take him to the vet. And he volunteered to take Biggsby to the vet. So I knew that he was going to come. So the first few visits when he came, I wasn't there. So when the last time he came to drop Biggsby off, I was there in the kitchen and that's when I

saw him. And it's like such a weird feeling because after five six months and you see someone again, it's like that feeling in your heart where your heart drops and you're just like a little heart attack. Yeah. I was like, I became a mechanic now. You used to try to meet sweet through that time, and I told him I said, don't leave any gifts or anything. I

threw everything away. Wow, you know you have a lot of willpower, because you know how difficult that is, especially during a pandemic when you're not meeting anybody new, you're not able to go outside and go anywhere. Like, how were you able to do that? Because I'm sure there were times that you felt weak. I have amazing friends.

I am so grateful for my girls because we stay, you know together, Like through that time, I only had my friends and my family, and sometimes I really was by myself, and I just really wanted to fight that feeling because what am I fighting for? If I get back, how am I going to make this situation different? So I kept on the back of my mind and I really got into manifestation UM journaling, reading, and I started doing a lot of YouTube videos of talking about self

growth and love. So it kind of helped me stay hould myself accountable. So I really just dug deep and just stayed stay strong through that situation. And then like again, when Don started coming around and he's we actually shared the same life coach Tony Gaskins, So I love Tony Gaskins.

So he's been with us since the beginning of our relationship, and he started mentoring on the first time when he had that situation happened, and the differences from before and now before I took him back too soon, it was like a week later after that situation had happened. This time, I really was over him, and Tony was telling him, like, bro leave her alone, Like she completely is over you, Like I talked to her, and you just need to

focus on you. And down the line, Um, Tony calls me and he checks on me, and then um, you know he was telling me, also, oh, yeah, don't actually doing really well. Um, he's writing a book and he's been consistent with his courses. Before he didn't finish his courses. Now he's actually following up with his classes and finishing everything. So I'm like in the back of my mind, that's when I was like, Okay, well I'm happy for him, good for him. And I just didn't think, oh, now

I want to get back with him. It was more like, well, I'm glad he's choosing that route. Then to just be in the in the beginning, and in the beginning, it was when I was working with Tony and I messed up. It was a desperation to get her back and to like what I had to do to get her back. This time around, I think I have matured and it was more of I need to do what I need to do to get my life right and figure out

where I really want my future to go. And by doing that, I pray that it brings us back together. And so I was really working with Tony this time around, just to really learn from Tony and what because he had gone He's gone through some crazy stuff in his life, you know, and and before I was just like, man, teach me, show me how I can get my girl back. You know what here for the first year now it's like four years in something was like, man, I really

want Yeah. So but Tony, Tony is amazing. He's been such a big Tony is amazing. Dan, You've learned a lot about yourself. Clearly during that time you wrote your book, right My Truth. So what do you think about you know, your parents and even your grand parents and how that's affected you and how you deal with relationships. I mean, I think it's heavily influenced my life. You know, my my grandparents separated, My my grandmother was addicted to crack cocaine.

My father was addicted to crack um, his father was addicted to heroin. Um. There was, like I think I witnessed so much unhealthy relationships in my life. I never really knew how to carry a relationship the right way. I never really had that so called couple to look up to, like how her parents together. My mother was in and out of abusive relationships, and so, like I said, I didn't try to make an excuse for it, but it's real, Like when you see these patterns, you don't

really know that it carries on in your life. And so for me, I had to go back and like backtrack and be like, Okay, what was my father doing that? Like him and his father were constantly making excuses for their wrong doings, but they were never fixing it. You know. It'd be like, oh, I got high this weekend, I'm not gonna do it no more. And then by the next weekend, I don't hear from him, and he's getting

high again. And for me with women or if I'm out of the club and I don't call you till six in the morning, in my mind, it's the same thing as my father going and getting high again. You know what I'm saying. And so I was like, I don't want to. For me, I kind of use those It's like I don't want to carry the same patterns that has been in my generation year after year after year.

Um and so as little as those things, like luckily I didn't follow that pattern with drugs, but you know, it can attack you in different ways, and so for me, I was like, what's attacking me? What's stopping me from

reaching that next level of my life? And so luckily the pandemic and me and her breaking up, I was able to sit down and focus on myself and kind of separate from my friends when all my friends were like, Yo, let's go hit the club like you're single again, let's go turn up, And I'm like, I don't want to do that no more, Like that's not really I don't feel that feed in my soul. And I feel like I need been different for my life, you know I've been.

It's weird because like I was going through like a transition, like my agency had dropped me, my manager dropped me. Like I was like I was low key, like stressed out. I had like one little gig that was carrying me through and social media was attacking social media like a lot of things were everything was weighing on me. I was like a point where I was like, yo, everything is weighing on me. And I was like, but I didn't.

I could have liked, I could have went out and did some club appearances and made a quick bag, but I was like, I don't want. I need something more soothing for my soul, and so like, let me sit down and figure some write things out. And for me, this situation ended up being the biggest blessing for me because after I sat down and locked in, like, shoot,

my blessings blew up times ten. So would you not drinking and doing any kind of smoking or anything like that right, because both you don't smoke either, I'll smoke without doing any drinking anything. Does that like change? Yeah? You guys? Sex life like didn't make it better? Or does it? Did it change at all? I mean I didn't really drink. I wasn't like an alcoholic just an alcoholic, but it was it was more so like I drank excessively when I was partying, and so it wasn't in moderation.

It was like overboard drink. I'm gonna go hard, I'm gonna turn up like crazy. So for me, I'll let me just chill and cut it out. But it didn't really like make our sex life better or work affected. And she's never drank or smoked ever, so she performed with or without this. That's fun. I want to take a shot. Listen, we will drink to that for you guys. So now are you guys discussing marriage again? Yes, we are. We're talking about it. Um, there's some plans but we

haven't announced anything yet. But we might have to come back on here for the start over because it's like, um, do you say I'm engaged? I gotta propose. I know that's right, right, right, that's right. I'm only personal ring on everything. Okay, dream we dream of a wedding. It's gonna be a real big every woman deserves their dream wedding, especially you know, going through something like this, like you

only big you know, yeah, yeah, whatever, she says. I've been trying to, like three time, like I feel a certain way, I try to. I'll sit back an assess and be like you know what this is how it's gonna go. Like at first, I was like we proposed, like what I already got you a nice ring, like, but then I was like, you know what, I funked up? I want this, what's gonna make you happy? All right?

I'm willing to do it, you know. And so for me, I've just been wanting to challenge myself in every aspect as a man, to wear things that I would like move. If I feel like I was moving on prior to Ego before, then I'm gonna sit myself down and be like, you know what, if this is what she wants, I'm gonna make her happy and try this for her, you know. And at the end of the day, me, if I can say that I've given it my all and if it still doesn't work or she's like I still can't

trust you, you know, I'm still broken that situation. As long as at the end of the day me as a man, I can say that I did everything that I could to really change the man that I've become and what I'm doing to make you happy as a woman, then that's really all I can do, you know. Being totally transparent, hat do you bring it up? Do you ever bring up the fact that he can bring it up sometimes? And it's only when it triggers when certain

situations happened where um, certain movies, certain movies. Yeah, and I still get that, like you look at him like I know guys like you have to mines And I wake up and I'm like, I'm pissed at my dream. She wakes up like qushing. But but as a man, you have to be patient and understand that, right because you grow up the trust, so now you have to build that back up. And there's gonna be times when she might ask you some questions she's asked you before.

She might bring it up again. But I think also as a woman, if you forgive somebody, right and you want to move on, you have to work on that yourself too. Right. I do love though about our situation. There's so much growth And I didn't think that i'd ever get back with someone that ever cheated on me. And once I feel like, once trust is broken is

completely broken. You can't fix it. But going through this process with down and having a counselor and really forgiving someone and seeing the growth and change um and Don and him like quitting drinking and him not going out his new fun things to do with golf and like spend time with the family and like, you know, things that I feel that I can be involved in and feel comfortable him doing and not being in temptation where he's not going to the clubs, he's not hosting clubs,

he's not around random girls. Like it's very like clean. But let's say he does have to go out right for whatever reason, it's a friend's birthday or whatever, would you be comfortable he invites me. So he invites me, He involves me, and he gives me the option to

come or not. And when he does, he's been communicating with me like who's They're like, hey, just saw you know ball blas here like but for the most part we've been together, I've been like a little like a triple my guys, the Palm Springs, you know, it was

golfing at the casino. But things that I wouldn't do before, for example, like if we're out and there's some girls, like my boy's got some girls around, Like I'm not gonna be like, I'm not gonna worry about him just there, but now I'm gonna call her and let her know, like, yo, just let me know. You know. The thing is to

find out from someone else. Yeah, because that's what I learned, like because somebody coulds like you know, we're out, people could take a video or something and then tackture make it look like something more than what if something is not. So now I just I've learned how to handle myself in situations better to make her comfortable as to where before it's like I'm gonna do what I want to do, like I'm gonna maneuver how I want to maneuver, and

that's what it is. But now it's like, let me do things to where I'm building her trust the right way where it's like, yo, there's some girls around just letting you know so you don't have to hear nothing from nobody, but this is what it is. I'll keep you and you know, saying in touch, like I tried to maneuvering ways to where she doesn't have to worry about it no more. And a lot of people ask me like how can you trust somebody after they've broken

your trust like that? And just gradually growing like how do you transition from being the paranoid girlfriend and wondering and questioning to being more of you know, like you said, not going crazy and not bringing it up all the time I think it. It happens through time, and it happens through communication. Because in the beginning when we started seeing each other again, you know, I was bringing it up. I was letting him know how much I was heard.

There are times I would just start crying because it would just hurt me and I would get triggered, and through time it will just go away. But I feel that it's good to really focus on, you know, not bringing it up all the time, because you don't want to always throw it in their face. I don't you know, you're not going to go from that if you consistently

keep throwing it in their face. She's good, she's good about not bringing it up too often, and if and if it does get brought up, we're good about like working through it. It doesn't blow up into wherever? Right now? Where's the girl friend? No more? Yeah? Do you have you guys spoken at all? Block? And you don't see her? How like y'all don't see her? How nah? Did you ever see Chris Rock especially where he's like when he teated, He's like, did you make a left with that bitch?

And he did a car with his wife and make a left turn and he did, right, And that's exactly how it is. That yeah, how it is. Yeah, this show is lip service and we do get a little nasty sometimes, so I gotta ask you this, right, So, being that you fucked up but you're in that, do you ever just say you just lay down, let me please you. I'm just gonna go down on you. You ain't even got to do nothing for me. I just want to do everything for you, me to her. Yeah,

yeah of course. And Leanne, have you ever been okay with just that and been like I know, I'm just gonna lay here and just accept all this and you know, yeah, yeah in my head, man misses up where you know

it's crazy. It's like it's crazy because like after I read the weight and I started like that whole six months and not having sex and just like being in that moment like like I'm now like cool with like you know, if it's a week or so, if I just got to please her, like I'm more on my mindset is different where I'm cool with that now, Like of course I still want it, but it's like more you gain that self control as a man like you, You now gain that control because it's a man like

the section that set shool Dog and us is like it's fierce, you know what I'm saying. So once you gain control of that element, it's like I could I want it? Yeah, I still like I look at her and I'm like, I want it. But I can be cool with it and be like, let me just please you and make you happy. You know, I feel like it's about to go down after this. Well, listen, I do want to thank you guys for being so open

about everything, because I'm gonna be honest. Like one of the main things that people always talk to us about is, you know, guys and girls to sometimes mess up and want to figure out how do they repair a relationship? And you know, do you think it helped me in that? All throughout? Even though you know you told him, don't pop up or I'll call the police, but he still was trying to get you know, still sending things, still making sure that you knew that he still cared and

doing things like that. Or do you think it's better to just leave somebody completely alone like you said you wanted you know, for me, I wanted him to leave me completely alone because there's there comes a point where a woman is fed up and they're like, I don't care what you do. I don't want anything that has to do with you or connected to you. So I think that if a woman really is there has to be a situation where you know if you should fight

for it or you should let go. And I think this point, at this point, it was time to let go. And and and it's because I felt that I did all I could and everything that he needed to do was within himself. Until he comes and he's completely in a person. I feel that that's when I can actually allow his presence to be around me because I was just really protecting my energy. At that point, I was just over

it completely. But I think that it's it was nice like after like that time that I was able to be by myself and Donald started doing those thoughtful things, that's when I was open to it because I was healing and I was also at piece of myself. I think it just depends on a woman. If a woman, you can tell when a woman wants you to fight for them, Yeah, because sometimes you say let me alone and you don't really and then he leaves you alone

and you're like, yeah, we don't care. That's a struggle that we can because when I was in and I'm like, I don't know if I'm supposed to be doing nice things or if I'm really supposed to leave you alone. And so we really, as men, we don't know. It's like you tell us leave me alone, but then if we leave you alone, and it's like, what, you didn't even fight for me? And then and then it's like, if we're fighting for you, it's like, leave me alone. Because when I was talking like, I would talk to

her friends because we're all in the same circle. So like when we broke up, I would still be talking to friends and I'd be like, what am I supposed to be fighting for or not? And they're like, we'll fight for her, but do it at a distance and don't talk Like what then does that mean? How does this mean? I'm profused? Look at her, but not with your eyes. That's the most tricky thing for guys. So yeah,

y'all need to let us know the girl. Yeah, and Louis, but don't buy me no snacks and don't pull up arrangements then bags and you're And for the guys, I guess they would have to read your book to figure out how to you know, change theirselves or to know when that woman is worth it for them, because are they really changing for themselves? Are they changing for the woman? I think it's of course that's something like you want the woman, but it's ultimately something and that woman that

brings out what you want to change in yourself. If that makes sense, I guess, um, because it's like there's I mean, I've been in relationships and I've never like I've always at the end of the relationship, I'm like, man, I'm gonna do me like she's losing out, like it is what it is, you know. And then from in this situation, it's like I need to fix some things to myself as a man, like I don't need to

be maneuvering the same. So yes, I think ultimately it's like for the woman, but it's for you, like because regardless of if me and Leanne got back together, the things that I was doing, it might be it was gonna be for whoever's gonna be my wife, you know what I'm saying. So um, But it usually is that when it takes that right woman to bring it out of the man, it's always either like a woman or money that makes a man really change like either you broke lost a woman and your your dreams. It makes

this want to really change some things around. But that's good. It feels like you know yourself a lot better now. Now. I feel like I'm with somebody that is walking with purpose, that is being aware of everything and setting healthy boundaries and communicating way better. Like it sucks to say, like us when we go through things, but then something's just happened, you know, for a reason. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and it's either we grow from it

or we just stay the same. And I think that this definitely helped us grow to be a better person, you know, individually and also together. But if you felt like something was missing a little bit there at some point, what made you say yes to him in the first place, Well, because it was when he proposed to me. I already did see myself spending the rest of my life with him, But it was also the pressure I felt like, I think this is it. I was just confused also because

it was more on his end. I know I wanted to be with him, I know I was happy with him, but I was just unsure and I didn't have the full trust that I wanted. But that was also a lack of something like am I going to pull it together after you're married? And it was just, you know this because I didn't trust on you know. I think that's where I felt the confusion. But I loved him and I would spend the rest of my life with him, but he has to act right. But like that was

the only thing that I was like confused about. Other than that, like we're so compatible. We enjoy the same things, we believe in the same things. We love family, our family loves each other. It was just it's per a perfect situation. But the thing is every relationship is not gonna be perfect. Every person you get with, there's always going to be some kind of challenge. It just depends on what battle you want to fight. You gotta choose

your battles. If this person has an alcoholic addiction or a drug addiction, or you know, a weakness and scenarios, you have to figure out what those problems are and see if you can actually deal with it, because that's the battle you're gonna have to fight. So between us, it was more of him being too nice to girls to where it got confused as being flirtatious. And him being too nice to his boys were Okay, I guess I'll go out and drink with you guys when he

knows he shouldn't. But now I feel like this situation allowed him to learn to say no. And you have to learn the power of the word no. It goes a long way. You have to be able to say no to things in life. And I feel like he's just grown so much and I've seen it and also like hearing it from you know, Tony Gaskin, someone that I completely trust, you know, talk and he looks out for me too, so it's not like he's just on

dawn side. I feel like he wasn't fighting from me when when we leave her alone, what he told me, leave her alone, Bro, I'm fighting. I was like, bro, just go like, drop some Oh, I'm not fighting for you. Lean. Was there anything about yourself you had to change? And then we talked a lot about Dan and things he

had to change, But what about yourself? I think that for me, the self love was a big part, because when you're getting into a relationship, you get so consumed in the other person where you forget to do things for yourself, and everything was just all about me and Donnie and don but I was also focusing on me, but so much more focused on trying to make it work. And sometimes we are brains. We think about the potential

instead of the reality of things of our relationship. But I feel that for me, I really wanted to work on, you know, self love, and I feel like now I feel like I know my worth more, I know what I want to settle for, I know what I deserve. Before, like I said, when I got was on, I already kind of knew the situation I was getting into, but I was just I'm single, and we'll see where this goes.

And then we start wanting more and then hoping that it would be this and trying to create something that I saw in my head, but it wasn't the reality because, you know, don situations like his whole upbringing everything his habits was not aligning with mine. That's why I think it's so important to come in whole as a person and him coming in whole so we can be whold together, rather than me being whole on him being half empty

and I gotta contribute to him. It's exhausting. So I feel like I've just grown so much where individually as a person to love myself more. And I think that's what was lacking. Well good and now he's the best selling author and guys back together better than ever. So congratulations and a way with all this women, thank you. No, I'm a guide and looking about a friend, she's saying

that we owe the friend that thank you. I mean, honestly, you know everything it sucks because everything happens for a reason. Everybody's leeing our life for a reason. And as much as like we can hate somebody in a situation or you know, whatever the case is. Yeah, it's so weird because I don't even I don't hate her. It's weird when you come from a place of just I forgive you. I know you know you're broken when you want to

send the person is broken. It was just like the people that talk bad about you, it's not about you, it's about them. There reflect what they are. Thank you you made us go harder for us. Thank you didn't work, your plan didn't work right with was stronger now. And I don't like I think that it's so bad to walk with unforgiveness and hate in your heart. I think that it's poison. It just makes you a horrible person. So when you hate on somebody or talk to about somebody,

it doesn't make you better, it doesn't. You know, it's I feel like it's a toxic thing to do, man. I mean, that's how you entertaining that somebody trying to steady man. So that's why I think, you know, it's funny. I was doing so much research and talking to tell you ask us about why men cheat. He has. He explained so much about Don's situation where he his upbringing really affected his choices today. And also like their insecurities

and sometimes it just strokes their ego. When women still like approach them, they like that it makes them feel more of a man so about what they do. Because and you feel like, once your dad admitted to you that he cheated, that you kind of had a doubt in the back of your mind now and may cheat because in your idea of a perfect marriage, it would have been your parents, right, They've been together forever, you've

seen them, been totally in love. So do you feel like once you found out he cheated, then you kind of got something in the back of you had to be cautious. So when my dad told me that, I mean, it's so funny. When I moved out here, I really my mind. I was, well, I'm from Adustal, California, in a small city, and I was in a Christian school, Like I was such in a bubble. So moving to l A was a reality check, Like, oh my god, people out here really really cheating and lyning and using

people and it's just crazy. And because I equal cheating to killing, like that's murder to me. So I when he cheated on me, it was just so much like I can't believe he did it. But when my dad told me he did that, um, it just made me feel like, man, does every guy cheating now like my dad did? Then? Like is this everyone? Is this something that we all experience? And at the same time, I don't believe that every man does cheat. I feel that, um, a lot of people do. It's just about how you

grow from it. But I felt like it kind of gave me some kind of comfort to knowing that I'm not the only one that's going through it. And it's it's amazing to me though now that I've because all of our content has always been happy and family and love and now talking about the heartbreak and crying in front of camera, not being afraid to be vulnerable to my audience. It opened up another hole. There's ask me advice and Dawn advice and I love now. I love

being a part of the conversation helping them. So I think that if this is the purpose for us to go through this, you know. Yeah, and you have a you have a podcast right that just when I make sure we plug that. Well, I'm I've just started. I've been alive yet, but I'm starting up podcasts and it's called Lovers and Friends. So we're talking about love, relationship, friendships and just you know, surviving, you know, life experiences and the things that I've been through. So don you

have club Bed club Bed? Yeah, clothing on the market, home goods as well. Yeah, there was a real there was a real club in New York club Bed and the Miami and Miami. Yeah, but yeah, club there's something different for you that is a luxury brand. Yeah, we all wear a side small. I'm gonna send you guys. I'll see you guys all some what was that you have stuff for the house, you said, betting we got candles.

I want to see that stuff. Yeah, we have the candles now that betting is in production, so but I'll get you guys a bunch of all that stuff for smore So, we kind of grass guys, and it was really nice to hear this. Like you know, everything is not always smooth and not a straight path. So we do appreciate you all for being so open and sharing everything with us, and we look forward to everything you had in the future for sure. Thank you guys, Thank

you guys. Please get married, don't break up, he said, we won't. I can't wait to see the ring, that big old ring, and yeah, yeah, yes, I can't wait to see it. I'd love to see it. Well, thank you so much. It's a lost service. Ly V and Benjamin. We appreciate y'all. Thank you for by