Episode 261: Dick in Glass Case (Feat. Latham Thomas)

this book that we can relate to this time. Also. Now, one thing I want to talk about, and we're gonna start off with this, right, ladies, is arousal and understanding your arousal and what turns you on. So we're gonna go around the room and talk about understanding our own arousal and the things that turn us on. And don't be shot. Who's first, you later? Yeah? All right? So I think about arousal, is um something weird for me?

It's not just like the moment of intimacy. It's like for me for a place starts a freaking day before, like I want the house clean, I wanted to smell good.

I want candles. I wanted to feel like um, the beginning, like when we're first dating, you know what I mean, Like the intimacy has to also feel fresh, because, um, what keeps us with our partners and keeps us excited is when there's desire, right, And so desire cannot be fed by monotony, right, So trying to do something new, you know, like creating a little date moment, even in quarantine, create a little date night that's been nice for us, um, like ordering out and then like putting a movie in

a different room than where we sleep at and trying to create a moment there. But I think also, you know, for those of us who are quarantine and we're by ourselves, you know, like we have to find that intimacy and exploration within ourselves and like what turns us on by ourselves because by by the time we get back out side again and we're able to connect with people, it'll be on and popping. It will also understand new aspects of of ourselves and like what turns us on and

like in what ways. And so this is a great time to like get your toy orders up, like check out different products that are on UM online. I found I recently found some new products that I actually like that UM, I think are really great to bring into the bedroom. And UM the one so this product this line called Dame. Have you guys heard Dame? I have it? Okay, So Dame. It's like it's a it's a product line

by women, UM and it's intimacy products. They're like ergonomically designed and m and they have all different types of toys. They're like amazing, So I like them. UM. So they have this one called kip k I P And it's like a little lipstick by Rater. It's awesome and it's like it's it's like comes in UM like little soft purple kind of color, like a pale purple, super cute.

Fits in like any bag. It comes with a USB charger, so if you can't plug in, you can plug into your computer, Like if you're on the go, ain't never want to go, but if when you get on the go again, it'll be useful if you're traveling. UM. I like that idea A real freak. If you charging your vibrator from your computer, that right a right doing your morning show? You could be doing your morning show right UM and then I like this. There's a line that I love also called Fhoria. Do you guys know for

your wellness? I don't think we're doing good anything. Fooria. So they make a cb D um. They have two products that like. One is a cb D product called Awaken, and it is basically like um It's has cinnamon, it has cava cava, it has coconut, It smells good, it tastes like chocolate, and basically it's a lubricant, but it's also just an arousal um oil essentially, and so you spray it on and you it kind of warms you

up and actually creates this feeling of pulsation. So even before you even before you even get turned on, it's already working. And then it tastes freaking good and it's like natural. So I love it has CBD. So I love Ready. You ain't gotta get ready is what you basically said, stay ready exactly. I feel like some people are scared of loup, like when it comes to like talking about lube. I know I'm one person that like,

I don't really deal with lub. But now if you say that, that makes it seem a little bit more appealing like the centament. It still scares me a little bit though, because what about That's what scares me about lub too. I get scared about use infection, infection. Here's

here's my thing about luke. I don't. I also am anti lude because what I believe is if you're turned on, you make your own secretions, right, like you don't need anything to to get you wet, like if you're if you're if you're aroused, you're gonna make your own secretions, which is gonna lubricate you. So you won't need that unless you know you're doing other things where you don't make sucretions right so um, but gradually you'll you'll have enough. And the only times that you don't is like right

after having a baby and imperimidopause. But any other time you shouldn't really need lube less you're um, you know, and sometimes if you know, depending how your cycle flows. But for the most part, we should be able to make own secretions. So you're right to instinctively not use that because you don't need in your except when I think louve, but I think you know it's the only

time you would need it. Use um silicone, right right, Okay, And so that's what I think when I think a loube this, that's the only reason exactly a booty girl that's scary. Lady, y'all didn't answer what churns y'all on though, Like when we talk about arousal, what are some things that you know that we should that you know arouse

you already? For me personally, it starts in the mind, Yeah, like mind, then body, you think about different things or what's going through your mind where you're enjoying your partner in you know, a mental way, and then by the

physical starts. I feel like I smoked while we're not smoke weed, but I feel like we kind of already gives you like a little tingly feeling sometimes when you're high and you're just like I gonna that doesn't happen to nobody even mean, okay, no, I'm if you smoke same same right, not all the time, but sometimes it would just be like a little thing that's like anyway,

sometimes alcohol does the same thing. Alcohol, Yes, absolutely, that's terrible, but like I'll be careful, what do you mean, don't want to mistake arousing for inebriation. Now, I mean, I feel like even if you put like a little drinking you you could like it's called like online it. Yeah, it's a it's a nice assist and help you to do things that like normally you'd be like I could be a little drink in order for me to be

able to yeah you well out a little more. Yeah, I loves like I'm like a big like I like not to the point where you're blocked out, obviously, but like something that like I responsibly knew, like, Okay, let's get junk and have sex. Like that's just like my man, right, you already have an agreement, was sober having entanglement and it's something that happened and just like let's just make it clear we already blackout. No, it's okay to get

junk together. Though, Like obviously like touch and certain things are gonna arouse you like me on my spot is my neck at some certain point, not if you like drool all over and the ship like you're not a little sexy looking whatever whatever like that is definitely an

arousal spot for me. But like I know, if I if we want to get it in for the night, to me, I'll be like, all right, let's get a couple of drinks in us and and then you just go crazy crazy, big in sexy looking and like weird looking that's comfortable dripping with it's not it's not ever. I mean it's other places, but like the neck and all that too much of line is not Like I lie when I first started dating a guy and tell him that I don't like to kiss because and that's

not true. But I'm gonna tell you what why. It's a disclaimer because I felt like if he can't kiss, I don't want him to kiss me a lot, you know what I mean. So like I try to make it clear from the beginning, like I'm not I'm not

thinking kissing, but I am. It's just somebody had a kiss. Well, this is like I had a guy that couldn't kids, and it was just like when I tell y'all, like he would be licking all over my face and it was just like it was ever show on Sex in the City when Charlotte was there in the bad Kiss here and he's like, yes, this was how this guy was,

and I actually, through her. I never thought something like that could happen because I'm like, okay, you're grown, you should not have a kiss like no, this is mother and it was like too much, mouth open, or if somebody tries to kiss you in the morning before they brush your teeth and you can move. Lorio, you said you do like kissing, but you lie and say that you don't. But I really kind of don't like kissing. I'm like, yeah, I'm just not. I don't know, I'm

not really into it that much. I've never with any guy I've been with. I like a little bit, but I don't like tongue. Don't tongue me down, don't not make it out. I don't I don't want to make out a little like I like kissing, but I just don't like a bad kissing. Yeah, I know what. No one enjoys that somebody that's just like too much or just like not enough. Like it has to be, you know, you have to be in sync with just right. That was a chemistry thing, and you could like being love

with somebody but not like kissing them. Um. I think you can go through stages like that, like I feel like, um for me, I can think about the people who remember, we're amazing kissers and I enjoy kissing them, but I do remember being you know, at certain points and there's somebody who's like okay, and I'm not like that's something I'm looking forward to with them, right, So it's almost like if they're great at other things, you kind of like, yeah, let's not do that as much, or you get into

a routine where you don't kiss them and as much a certain it's like okay, cool, like that was nice, Let's move on, and so you move to the next thing. But I feel like, yeah, you could you you know, like if you think about it, right, like if you're when you get into moods even with your partner whereast like you're not you know, vibing sometimes like you go

some days without like really kissing, like kissing kissing. It might just be a little bit, and you're like, you don't realize how much it's more like touch for me, that's really four in and and so I could be like we could caught onto all these things and maybe it kiss a little bit and intimacy is full on, and we might have kissed a little bit, you know what I mean. So I think it just depends. But I mean I can never just be like never ever

kiss you again kind of thing. What if you text somebody for the first time and they didn't kiss you at all, would that be be here? I would be I would be offended. Yeah, I would think you're like again, I don't I need to tell you that. You don't tell me that with your actual I would be offended, like I would. I mean, you don't have to slow

me down. But I feel like sometimes kissing shows that you like like them and it's kind of I would kill like, No, I'm joking, but he might have just been handed doggie style and get to kiss you kiss me first. Let's let's give me a little peck, a little something something, and you get me doggie salad. That is back for to like, if you don't start all the first time, eye to eye, and then we could turn around and get the doggie and all that stuff.

But if somebody just turned you around automatically, they think you're ugly as fun or they don't like you. But what about Angela because she made a face. I'm just saying, but you know, I might turn around on my own because that's how I wanted. I didn't, so I'm saying, for let's start off right there. I'm just like, you're dick, and I'm getting my knees turning your ugly ass around. That's how I would fel if I was a man. So if he didn't kiss you, and you did all that,

you will be okay. Well, um, I was. I'm probably gonna make him give me head first, and I'm gonna kiss him because i want to taste myself, and then I'm gonna give him head and then I'm gonna turn around. So that's probably how it's gonna happen. So there's gonna be a kiss, but it is quarantine time, so they can I'm gonna ask you. In your book, you talked

about stop dating for a distraction. You know, sometimes we just date somebody because it's a distraction from whatever else, Like maybe you're trying to forget someone else, like a rebound thing, or maybe you just are lonely and want someone to talk to. But it isn't really a cool time if you're single and any boy yourself. We've been quarantined, Mark, So can you expand on that a little bit? Like for people who are in a relationship, are even dating

anyone right now? That's tough. You know, what is what dating advice to that? Yeah, it's amazing because you know, obviously I wrote this when we are not in quarantine and and so, but I think that dating yourself is important, right, like falling in love with yourself, getting to know yourself, spending time with yourself. And I think what this time has offered us is an opportunity to like go inward, figure out, like what is it that I love about myself?

What are the things that I'm working actively towards improving? But also and this goes like I think on a personal growth tip, but then also like I'm an intimacy vibe, like what are the things that I've settled for in relationships? What am I not? What's on m my stop doing list? Right, like what's on the what's on like the next level? When I do go out in the world, we can't go back outside. What am I gonna be looking for

in a partner? And there's a lot of ways to still date and to do a lot of things, um where you can still kind of um hold onto a sense of uh comfort, a sense of safety as well as recreation and not being distraction but actually be looking for somebody you white mind you might want to bow up with. And I think if you're also intentional about

where you are in your life. Right, So if you know you're not really ready for a relationship and you just want to love Butler, then like d be true to that and then go on the platforms for that, right, like don't be the ones like for Christian dating. If you know you just want somebody to come over and put it down, then go on that will come over and put it down later without just saying if you ain't trying to bow them up, then you know what I'm saying, Maybe closet be positive, but go to the

go to the platform for that, right. So I feel like you can be UM. And everybody's finding their way and using this technology in a very unique way. People are doing their little zoom dates, they're doing um, They're finding all kinds of ways that you use the technology

to be intimate. UM. So I think that the distraction piece is something I still would say is important, especially in the time of quarantine, because we still can make shitty decisions, like you know, and and feel bad about ourselves about like people that we let in, and so as working on ourselves, I think it's important without how you want to be intimate, how you want to engage with people and step out different, you know, step out differently,

especially when it's time to go back outside. She is different, right, Like everybody's gonna be moving different, looking for different things. And we're heading into the fall and it's about to be winter again, so you trying to out. You could come over up, but you feel about the people that are like, um, kind of like settling because they did get stuck with the person Darren quarantine and they're like fun,

I don't want to be alone. So I'm just real, Yeah, I always summer though, so you might have the courage to to like, you know, get out of that um, you know, because it's now a different season and we can go outside a little bit. Some people are in stage three and stage four where they're at, so there is a the mayor wants us to be back in

stage one, but the governor really makes the rules. But the governor Atlanta, they made it mandatory for Matt but yeah, so Atlanta is like busting it open why and g G is toon, I'm not going g G has been out the funk side, y'all, and I'm not gonna know. And then I'll be looking like where is she at the Magic City, like six times, I want your man on hand, Like I'm on, I don't give a funk Island. I'm not what you call I gotta get. I want to imagine they get some food you take out. But

you know what diction thing? Have y'all ever dated as a distraction? Because I do feel like sometimes it is something that has works for me. I've dated. Um, I don't know if the word is the correct word is distraction, but I've definitely dated because I was bored and I had nothing better to do and I was trying to kill times. So I guess I have. And that's quite a lot. So, but who are these guys? Are they like somebody you would date normally or is it like

somebody like whatever he was around? Whoever's around that that isn't awful? That makes sense? Who's not like it? Could be a really good guy, but I wouldn't. I'm really not into them, but I'm like, Okay, I don't have

anything better to do. He's harmless. I would like to he really likes me, but you know, like so that whoever is the around and that does not work for me, Like I'll be like I don't like him there's no way, like I can't convince myself to like learn to like someone or no, no, to entertain anyone either, Like if I don't really like them all that, it's so hard for me to entertain even if they're just like funny or cool to be around. I mean, they end up getting tired of me because all I do is just

if I give them the run around. And it's like there's people that I've done that for years, Like I'll be like, all right, I'll go to dinner with you, and then I won't show up for years and they'll keep asking like damn, like to the n D fiance. I mean, why that's the opposite of that, because I'm not done. Yeah, I'm not gonna go. Are you coming me? But yeah, So, I mean I feel like it has, you know, been beneficial for me at certain points in my life where I really needed that distraction not be

focused on the person you just got done with. You know, I saw a lot of people are saying that about Jada and August but a distraction, Yeah, like because Harry Will were going through it and they had a breakup, and you know, with distraction and rebound the same thing then I mean yeah, because if you're basically dating somebody that keeps you away from doing your own personal work to move on, then yeah, it's a distraction, right, And

so yeah, like I can. I don't need you as like this partner or like this person to show up in my life to keep me off course from doing the emotional work I need to do to be available to the right person. I'm just kiking out because you're here and like you said, oh, thanks for like taking me to pick up my sister at the air for thanks for helping. Like I'm using chores for me, you know what I'm saying. You're just here doing chores. You're

making me feel good. But also I'm not. If I'm not feeling good about myself, then I'm not ready to actually go out into the world to give who I really want to be with and show up and actually be able to be available when I see them or even keep them when they show up. Right. So the distraction is it is helpful, it feels good, but it does keep us from doing the work. And so you know, that person sometimes end up being us way too long, and I feel good and we feel guilty, so we

stay and he's so nice. Yeah, us, you would how he gets something out of it too, He get out of it. But we're gonna be broken hearted because you really don't like him. You just using him. It's just like somebody that's there. That's how I don't like to do that. I feel like I'm gonna get my carment.

I've done it before, but I felt like you might not do it on purpose, like you might just be doing it like and not thinking like I'm using him as you know, because I do think I think what people are done with relationships or they have had breakups.

I don't think people take the time to be by themselves, right, I think we use other people and not even intentional when you think about it, I feel like nobody is really single because I feel like everyone is getting over somebody or there if someone I was coming to picture to the dump of the person. I feel like everyone has somebody kind of lingreen, So none of us really taking time to be single. Always got somebody in the cut, right, like always that and I think again stressed is that

dick in a glass case? Right right? I also want to talk about some other things in the book. When you find yourself making a connection, you have to acknowledge that, right, because sometimes we try to talk ourselves out of things.

Have you ever really liked somebody but just felt like it wasn't a good idea, so you try to talk yourself out of it, even though you feel like that parison is amazing, great, all of this your life, but I don't like him, like I don't want to Definitely, I feel like, Okay, So when we have types, right, like I know, I know what what it is I like, and I know that what I mean. Yeah, but if you gets you in trouble, right, you have people who

you're like, you're gonna be a problem. I know you're gonna be a problem in my life, already know it. And so it's like, if I want to continue that path forward, then I choose that. And so what I what I started to do in relationships was like, Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna choose the opposite of what I

would actually choose. And us I already know the patterns that I have around intimacy, around abandonment, around you know, like my own little personal things that I know are gonna like click through be like oh check check check, You're gonna hurt me in three weeks great, like all these things I was seeing I was able to to see in a partner and I would pick that and they would actually do those things, and it was like a self fulfilling prophecy. And I was like, why am

I doing this to myself? Like? Why am I wearing myself out like this? So I started to when I would go out with people, I was like, Okay, I'm gonna use certain measures for um, what I would consider safety for me, what makes me feel good in relationship,

and start to reconfigure how I'm going about this. So one of the things that I would do, like right away that I would like cut somebody off, is like, if you say you're gonna call at six o'clock six oh one if my phone didn't ring, I'm just gonna because it means, for for real, you're just not gonna be reliable. And I would say that people and I'm like, he really doesn't. If he doesn't do that, then he really isn't reliable. And he's gonna show me that continuously,

and I'm gonna get you used to it. I'm gonna get willed down. I'm gonna have really poor, um poor standards for myself, because I'd be like, my grandmother died this morning. Sorry I'm late. Right, if you liked them a lot, you would just be like fuck it. It would be like you know, little but it would be not just like um that, but that's an example, right.

But it's like little things that give me a sense like I might still be your friend, but I'm not like we're not going this way because I see little things like all right, he didn't do what he said

he was gonna do. Okay when I first at it, that the guy that I ended up staying with, when he like it was like he called when he said he did everything he said, and he was actually unbinding these patterns that I had around relationships, and it was going to total opposite direction and it was like, wait, this is actually how I'm supposed to feel, right, which

I think was healing. And so for me, I had to try to like stay away from like what I was usually patterned to go around, which was more dramatic and more you know what I'm saying. Like it was it was exciting and all this, but it was also dramatic. It was also me on the phone my girlfriends and like having these tribunals about like what does it mean

that he says this? And you know you should not have to feel like you're trying to figure out how so if somebody they're they're into you, it's very clear, I know. You know, sometimes we get so used to the dysfunction we think that's what a relationship is supposed to be. It gives you a rush a lot of

times too. And that's a word M that'sul to Both things are t because sometimes it's a chase, like it's the it's the thrill of the challenge that you like the challenge, and then sometimes it's just what you're used to, toxic behavior and you're just like, well this is normal and right M. Yeah, and we're not actually meant to chase right like, and this is not like about about um the minenity so much, just it's about it is, but it's also about dominant energy, right, and our energy

is actually what keeps the universe together, So we can't be out here chasing behind stuff. You look at every look at flowers, right, they attract the pollinators like, they attract the energy that they need to actually continue to propagate. They don't chase behind being the flowers. The flowers. You're the flowers. So we just laying the cut in the cut, and you don't and you you you create a vacuum for the energy to come to you for the people who you whoever, they will orbit up in your life.

But this idea that we're gonna be out here chasing behind, chase behind nobody, and I goes for everything that goes for a career, that goes like everything, because when you're in your power, you don't have to chase nothing because you know it's putting on its way and you've created the vacuum for it to arrive. And if you think about even the vagina, the volva is like the the gatekeeper, the door, and the vagina is a vacuum. It draws

energy in. So we have this physical function, but we also have, like externally around us energetically, this this energy that we're already living into. And so when we do this stuff that's not aligned with who we are, it's it's really confusing, but it's also destructive because then we're trying to figure out, well, why is it this person

doesn't want me, why they not call me back? It's like because you are not allowing them to do what they should be doing, which is showing up for you, Like if you if you show if the flowers are out chasing the bees, like the bees are confused by that, right Like nothing first of all doesn't happen right in nature. But so we're like doing things that are outside of a natural order in terms of um intimacy, right like,

we don't need to be chasing behind nobody. We need to mind our business, do what we do to cultivate ourselves. Are sweeper and bring it and let it show up. Let it come because out of your head. Gg what you gotta say. I'm agreeing that's the truth. Let it you know what you like, Let it grow. Don't be out here chasing and trying to fag I mean that chasing.

I feel like your your your book, and like the things that you're saying would be really helpful, like much sooner as opposed to the age that we all are now. I feel like we may not even listen if we were younger if we heard this kind of advice. But

I think it helps put things in perspective. But you know, if I if I knew some of this kind of stuff and I had access to it, and I had conversations maybe with my mom or my aunts or something like I may you know, it's not going to register until you get older sometimes, but it could be a helpful tool. You know, I gotta make our mistakes sometimes, you got somebody just gotta we learn on your own. Yeah, we do have to make those mistakes because I made them.

I think it. I think it helps you to also know like what you do want when you experience what you don't write, and so I think you do need both and um, and it also helps you to gain your own wisdom, right because if you never went through hardship or you know, if every relationship was was amazing, that would be great too. But I think, like what how how we get um character building is through the

challenges and through the bunky life lessons. Yeah. So it's it's good that you wherever you are on the journey, wherever you get the information that you need is is perfect, right because who you are now at this incarnation, in this moment is exactly where you need to be and what you know and what you can share with others and in this moment, And because I think about the fact that like we didn't have freaking social media, Like my son doesn't realize we didn't have these tools. We

were downloading stuff. It was writing ship by hands. We have we have a blessing of having technology and access and information that we can also help the next generation with. With our leadership and the fact that we're cool, younger people might listen to us like we might not have

listened to you know, our aunts and our mom's back. Then, what do you think about monogamy and relationships, because a lot of people always bring that up, basically saying like monogamy is not natural for men and things like that. Do you what do you think about statements like that, Well, it's not natural for women either, So I think let's tell you that though they don't say that, right, it's actually it's actually more true that we are designed to

actually seek variety and sexual partners. And it's been framed that men need that, but it's actually, Um, there's science that shows that we have the biological need. There's a great book called Untrue by Dr Wednesday Martin, and she goes through this journey of looking in the Animal Kingdom

and she's amazing. You would love her, um, But she talks about like how yeah, like there's been all of this information that's untrue about what we think about female sexuality and that it's and it's also couched through this mail lens right through male pleasure. If you think about, like how we even talk about our body parts. So we'll talk about the vagina, which is a Latin word which means sheath, like a sheath to a sword, like

a container for a sword. Like that's not empowering, right, So that continure for to hold a sword is what we're calling like our innermost sanctum or calling like the I mean life, creation, creation matrix. Right, we're calling that a sheath. And it's also the center of male pleasure because we don't have a lot of nerve endings, thankfully,

because if you're having a baby, that she would hurt. Right, So we have a lot of nerve endings in our regina, but we have a ton of them and the clitterest which is an incredible rectile body, which pound for pound, we have the same amount of rectile tissue that men have, but ours is internal. So we have this incredible system for arousal, for pleasure, for orgasm, for intimacy, and so for us we just have to figure out how to turn that on. But but the focus is on the vagina,

which is for male pleasure. Right. Never do people talk about the volva. And people will talk about the clitterest as just like one spot, right, like one for pleasure, and not understand that we have that the clitterest is actually shaped like a wishbone. Right, there's a clitteral crown the legs and around those are vestibular bulbs which create decresitions that you can get wet through intimacy. Then we have skiing glands which are pari regial glands, which also

helped to create female ejaculate. We have also um the paranneal sponge and the your retinal spraunge which helped to create the sensation of cushion so that when there's penetration, you wrap those muscles around whatever it's penetrating inside of you and it creates a sense of comfort. That's how if you know you're aroused, ship feels good. Period. It feels good, you're wet, and you can do it on

your own. You don't need nobody to come in and do all this and spreading up because ship, you don't need that when you are aroused, right, and if and if it's happening right, then it feels good. And if it's not happening right, you stop it because we have to stop training people to think that we're gonna lay there and be a sheath bard while they are instimate, right,

So we're not. We're not gonna allow that anymore. So if you're laying there thinking about your taxes and you're not engaging the intimate, that act of intimacy, and you're engaging the sex or whatever is going on, then see your way out. And and if this partner is not you know, good for you, then also figure out like how to get out of that. But that's why the

idea of monogamy. We it's so interesting with how we think about of the female species of like mammals, right, because for us we had to you know, ancestral y. But also when you think about like greater apes, right, what they had to do to survive. They actually had to be intimate with multiple of the male apes because they had to they had to not make it clear whose baby it belonged to for protection because if if it was so, if a male came in and decided

they were gonna take over the tribe. Right, if a male came in, he would want to kill off all the babies that didn't belong to him, so that then the mothers would have to go back into estris and then they would they would be fertile again, and then he which he would basically fire the next um, the next generation of babies. But if he didn't know if

they were his, those babies were survived. So with a survival mechanism to be you know, to spread you know around and be with other people, or not other people, but other apes, other male apes, especially other dominant male apes, so that you could be protected. They would look out for you. Right. We had to do the write this argument down. Yeah, I mean go out there and give

everybody a plussy if you want to, it's okay. Last thing, I wanted to ask you about orgasms, right, and so you know we talked about orgasms and a lot there's women who can't have a well not that they can't, but they've never had one. And then there's times that like, I know there's one way that I can orgasm, so I'd like to make sure I do that every single time, and then I feel bad because I don't want to not have variety of different things, but I just know

this is what I need to have, what works. Yeah, this is what works for me. Yeah you know, Yes, I want to talk about orgasms and like, for women out there who haven't have the pleasure having orgasm, what would you have to say to them? First of all, I just want to like just a moment of silence for those who haven't, because it's like this, like life is sustained through pleasure, Like like this is I mean

it is in every living breathing thing there is. Uh, it's it's everything is mating, right, everything is in relationship in this universe, and so everything is about sex. Everything is about like this this dynamic. Right. And so when I hear that people haven't experienced like the pinnacle of what's possible through our bodies and spiritually, um, it's sad because it's basically like not ever connecting with God. Can you imagine? Because like orgasm is when you actually connect

with God. It's like you old hands with God through pleasure. You know, it's like that, Yeah, right, because what do you say when you're you're coming? It's so and so the same thing, right, So it's like so it's so deep for us and and it's actually our birthright to feel pleasure. And so I feel really like usually what it is is because we're taught to not connect with our bodies, right, everything turns us away from our bodies.

The only thing we talk about is how to please men, right, Like that's what we learned, is like, oh, learn how to do this. He likes it, like that, how to do this, ten ways to do this, and where it's like like there's all these things like, but there's never anything about nobody's teaching them by the way of how to navigate our bodies, right, nobody thank you, right, and nobody tells them how intricate our system is. Nobody tells them.

So so since there's not this work happening, people are waiting for their partner to show up with this information that they do not have. And then so you're waiting and hoping that they can do things that they cannot do. And so the best thing that we can do is

learn to play our own instrument. Like if you think about um like a band, right, Like if I showed up to a band and I showed up with a guitar that I have not practiced, right, and I start to play, it's not gonna sound like music, right, But if I have this guitar and I've been practicing and learning and getting used to this instrument of mine, and then I show up and we're playing together, it's gonna sound like. It's gonna sound beautiful, it's gonna sound like

a duet, it's gonna sound amazing. We're gonna figure out how to improvise together. Because you know your instrument, I know mine. So when I show up to a moment of intimacy, it's like if I haven't been able to achieve that part of that's my responsibility to take right. I can't blame a partner, I can't blame society. At a certain point, I have to actually look at my hand, Okay, use my hand, feel inside of my body, come to know the intricate landscape of my intern like my intricate

internal landscape. I need to come to know that. And I have to do that so that when I am in relationship with someone else, I know what pleases me. And um, some people have trauma, right, so we can we can be honest about some of the things that keep people from from intimacy. You know, past sexual transgressions, UM, you know, especially people who had childhood sexual abuse, UM, you know, sexual trauma rate. Things like that can make it really hard for people to be intimate and and

actually allow themselves to relax in them for orgasm. Because what we do know is orgasm is also connected to deep relaxation and it's only possible if we feel safe. Right, So if I don't feel safe, I can't really get arouse, I can't really be intimate with you in a way where I completely surrender, right. Safety is critical. So if you have had transgressions sexually, then it's not as easy for you to feel safe to then ascend into the sensations of you know, of of what happens you know

chemically for an orgasm. So that is that is one thing that I would say, you know, it's to to connect with someone around that healing is really powerful and that can be you know, like um, a spiritual advisor. It could be like a pelvic floor specialist. It could be a therapist, but find a licensed person or someone who is doing this intimacy type of work. An intimacy coach could be gray. A sex therapist could be great.

Like all these people can be helpful and you asking these questions of yourself and and coming to the truth of what it is. But the other part is unshaming, you know, like many of us grew up in like religious traditions where you're like, no, you do like like for people pretend sex doesn't happen, and so you over here learning stuff on the go, googling or seeing stuff just by a chance, and then watching porn or whatever it is, which is like so not real and then

trying to figure it out as you go. We don't have this tradition of teaching people and like intergenerational. That's why this podcast and like this space is so important because for people to hear and talk about sex in a way that is like not judgmental, that is that is not threatening, that is joyous, and that also is about like your power, you know, like having your power in the in the process is so important. Like young people need to hear this so that they can feel

agency in their bodies and know what's possible. Because, by the way, there's not a lot of places where these types of discussions are happening where people feel safe to listen. That verty it's not a taboo. I will agree, I wish that. I do wish that there was a show that was like this when I was younger, because I do feel like I had older sisters. I still do so, but I got older sisters, but I feel like they had to talk and they had all that stuff. But when it came to me, it was like, well, you

should just know because your sisters. No, but that's not really the case. Yeah, I'm still let to teach you. We will teach you ten ways a second dick, but we also teach you ten ways to eat a pussy, you know what I mean. And on the way to the guys that are a lot from this show to which is important. All of that is important, I think, like yeah, but for us to understand the power of it and what it offers us in terms of health benefits, it is stress reduction. Um it is a pathway to fertility.

Healthy orgasm is basically a training ground for fertility. Um It is also very important for establishing intimacy and connection because so many hormones are secreted, including oxotosin, which is a hormone for um pleasure, but it's also bonding. Its facilitates finding and connection. Well, we appreciate you so much. Later, and we got to keep on making sure that we're taken with you. You know how much I love talking to you, and make sure you'll get on your glow.

It was out hardcover was here, but now the paperback is available to yeah, so make sure you pick that up. And I it's been really helpful for me and I think especially I know this was written way before COVID nineteen, but I think this will be helpful for a lot of people during this time also. And I'm gonna call you offline because I need some help with something. And I think can teaching a lot of men how to get pink walls, yeah walls, and let them tell them

where they can find you online. Yeah. So I'm just on Instagram, glow Bathing, g l o W and may v e n um at Mama Glow and then Mama glow dot com. She's also a doula. I know we didn't even talk about that, but I always feel like we always have you on the Breakfast Club. But she is a doula as well, and I know that's super important work. She's worked with a lot of help to

bring a lot of babies into this world. So I appreciate I'm scar This gave me my girlfriend does that I needed because you know, if you hang out with our friends, this is amazing. Thank you all so much for having me appreciate. Thank you, thank you. I News